01x00 - Pilot

♪ ♪

Am I addressing Jamie Hedges?

Yes, sir.

Sergeant Harknett, Union Cavalry.

[barks]

Call off your dog, boy.

Or I'll do it for you. [chuckles]

Harknett: Well, we served with your brother, Josiah.

Well, I seen you coming, I... I figured he'd be with you.

I'm afraid... he's not with anyone on this mortal plane.

If you take my meaning.

Oh, hey.

My condolences.

I reckon I... appreciate you coming all the way out here just to tell me.

Well, son, your brother's demise isn't the only reason we're here.

Fine a man as he was...

Josiah was also what we might colloquially refer to as a piss-poor poker player.

Night before he died, he racked up a $500 debt to me.

Next hand he said, "Double or nothing,"

[chuckles]: and... well... three aces don't beat a flush.

Well, not where I come from.

[dog growling]

Now, it's likely in a gilt jewel box.

About this size.

Be a dear boy and go rustle that up.

And we'll leave you to mourn your brother.

[dog growling]

You're a liar!

Is that so?

I know who your daddy is.

Son of a... rich senator riding all this way for a thousand dollars?

[dog barking viciously]

How about this, then?

Find us the f*cking box.

[barking, snarling]

[gunshot]

[dog yelps]

[gasps]

Doggone.

[dog groaning]

[dog's groaning stops]

You bastards!

[laughter]

Man: Are you gonna let a gimpy kid talk to you like that, Merritt?

Harknett: I don't let you talk to me like that.

[laughing]

Stand up, son.

Son...

I said... stand up.

[grunting]

Now, if you want to keep that bum knee of yours, you best tell me where the box is!

Go to hell.

[gunshot]

[screams]

[horse neighs]

[grunts]

[chuckles]: I think that was the good one, Merritt.

[panting]: I'll... I'll show you.

I'll show you.

What's that?

I'll show you.

Well, that'd be right nice of you.

[grunting]

Harknett: A little civility... goes a long way.

[horse neighs]

[horses huff, neigh]

Harknett: Graves! Cobb!

Go get the box.

[man laughs, whoops]

[panting]

Say we do find his box, Merritt.

What about Josiah?

Hmm?

As long as he's out there alive... [continues panting] he's a liability.

[coughing weakly]

I think... with some prompting... we can get him to find us.

You get some kerosene.

This thing ain't near done yet.

[crying]

[thunder crashes, rolls]

♪ ♪

[panting]

[exhales]

Pow!

[groans]

Girl: Bang! Bang!

[groans]

[excited shouting]

[laughter]

[insects chittering]

♪ ♪

[low growling]

[barking]

Fresh-dug grave.

Empty town.

Got to confess, Reverend, it's not exactly a warm welcome.

I might've spoke too soon.

Too much is more like it.

Silence is golden... says so in the Bible.

It also says that a feller turned to salt, but I have my doubts.

You new in town?

I just got in.

Heard they run a nice, upright place.

[scoffs]

You want a hand?

Thanks.

I can grease my own axle.

Yep, you know, for being upright, these folks are kind of hard to spot.

Obliged.

You got a name?

Yep.

He should've turned to hard liquor.

Say again?

The fella who turned to salt.

Picked the wrong cure.

Come on.

[clucking tongue]

[wind whistling]

"Have mercy upon me, O God, after thy great goodness; according to the multitude of thy mercies do away with mine offenses."

"Behold,"

[quiet sobbing]

"I was shapen in wickedness, and in sin hath my mother conceived me.

Turn thy face from my sins.

Amen."

All: Amen.

[man continues sobbing quietly]

What's the matter, stranger, didn't you see the sign?

You're supposed to hand in your rifle at the sheriff's office.

Well, the sheriff's busy.

I'll wait. He's hanging somebody.

[quiet sobbing continues]

Hand it over.

Tell your friend that I'll stow my rifle soon as I reckon I won't need it.

I ain't gonna ask you twice.

Oh, boy.

Tell your friend... that I got me a rule about folks pointing guns at me.

First time I let 'em off with a warning.

Only ever give 'em one.

After that...

[grunts]

[frantic grunting]

[grunting continues]

Hey.

[man grunting, choking]

You want this?

That's right.

I want it right f*cking now.

[man continues grunting, choking]

Well, I'm gonna make you a deal.

Now, I can't see giving it all to you, but you're sure welcome to a percentage.

[gunshot]

[people gasping]

[gasping]

[indistinct chatter]

[grunting, wheezing]

That changes the conversation altogether.

I got him, Big Bill!

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Huh?

There any reason you shouldn't be next?

Fella pulled a gun on me.

Self-defense.

That what you want to tell the judge?

When I see him.

You're seeing him right now.

Judge and sheriff?

Wasn't enough that they named the town after you, huh?

This town was named after my father.

Well, that's pretty funny, your pa being named Hate.

[chuckles]

What's your name?

Hedges.

Hedges.

I'm gonna make you a deal, Hedges.

You accept my offer... and I'll accept your plea.

What offer?

Be my new deputy.

Why me?

'Cause you just shot my last one.

Well, I gotta... make a living, I'll give you that.

Oh, and, Hedges?

There is a sign.

It gently reminds folks to check their weapons at the city limits.

I must have missed that one.

It's large.

So's the sun, but I tend not to stare at it.

Deputy Bean here's gonna show you the ropes.

Speaking of which...

Let's do it again!

This time, make the drop shorter.

[groaning]

Rope is dear. No sense wasting it.

Hey?

[man whimpering]

This is not a bad town if you play by the rules.

We understand each other, Mr. Hedges?

[horse neighing, dog barking]

Edge: Y'all might want to get a new grave digger.

I've seen gopher holes neater.

Sheriff does it all himself.

He likes to think he takes care of folks before and after they walk these streets.

Won't lie to you, Mr. Hedges. You know, every town has its black marks.

Just ours are in plain sight.

Underground Railroad used to run through here.

Negroes would pay in gold for transport.

About four years back, fella running the underground...

He realizes he ain't gonna turn a profit on the deal.

So he takes their gold, he locks 'em in, and he burns the place down.

Mostly, he just burned them slaves.

Like I said, every town's got a secret. That's ours.

Bam!

Whoops.

Best give Junior there the rundown.

About pointing guns at you.

[gun chamber cocks]

Young Edge: Don't be scared, Jamie.

It's only scary if it's loaded, and this here...

It ain't loaded.

[gunshot]

[gasps, screaming]

Bean: Hey, you all right?

Look like you got the blue devils.

I'm all right. I've just been riding a while is all.

Like to see about getting a room.

Oh, I'll... I'll show you.

This is Benny. He works here at the Last Drop Saloon.

I hope the name don't mean they ran out of beer.

Here you go, Mr. Edge.

Oh.

[laughs]

Uh, guess... guess you can't hold your liquor, huh? [laughs]

It belongs to a fella I'm looking for.

Yeah.

Can I see that?

Yeah.

Oh, that's good art.

Yeah. Yeah.

Hold on, don't go nowhere.

There you go.

I... I can't remember the last time anybody gave me any money.

I... I work for room and board?

Just make sure they fix up my horse.

Yes, sir. Okay.

[dogs barking, goat bleating]

Real soon now, Jamie.

I reckon there's five, all told.

And I'm gonna send 'em your way, one-by-one, or all in a bunch.

Don't matter to me.

And I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.

I should have known they'd come.

Soon now.

[crickets chirping]

[sighs]

[knocking]

Say, Hedges, there's a... Whoa! Uh...

Uh, there's, um...

You ready to go to work? 'Cause there's a couple beers with our names on 'em downstairs.

Oh.

Just my kind of work.

[throat clearing, door closes]

[piano plays lively tune]

Woman: Evening, Deputy Bean.

You're looking dapper tonight.

[laughter]

Well, there's some whores of a different color.

Woman: Howdy, fellas.

Man: Ma'am.

Pot calling the kettle, coming from a paid gunman.

Don't you think, Mr. Hedges?

Well, here I thought you was a good Christian woman.

Oh, well, you never know.

I bare my chest, who's to say you won't see a big gold crucifix?

Well, that'd be your cross to bare, then, wouldn't it?

Like I said, nice, upright town.

For my line of work.

Five bucks?

Only make $2.50 a day.

Well, I'll see you tomorrow, then.

See you tomorrow.

Okay.

[chatter and laughter]

[piano playing, Bean laughs]

On the house, deputies.

I pay my own way.

So, uh, about that fella.

You know, the one they hanged?

Spitting in the street.

You want to know what they hanged him for.

Spitting in the street.

That's a capital offense around here, is it?

It is if you do it when the sheriff's passing by.

Well, he thinks a lot of himself, don't he?

Who's the boy?

Bean: Little Bill.

All grown up now. War hero.

[sniffles] Is that so?

Expecting him home any day now.

You planning a big homecoming, are you?

Like I said, war hero... Big deal, town this size.

Speak of the devil.

[Bean chuckles]

That's, uh, Little Bill's wife.

Pilar.

Benny: I...

I made you a picture, Miss Pilar.

[whispers]: Hands off.

Edge: Is that a warning?

Bean: That's our job.

Every night, just like clockwork.

Whiskey.

Cyrus over here is under strict orders not to serve the lady, so she makes eyes with any out-of-towners.

Things get ugly.

[whispers]: That's where we step in.

You should go handle that.

It don't look ugly to me.

Not yet.

[lively chatter and laughter]

The lady is spoken for.

Okay, then.

[indistinct chatter]

You sure you weren't a little hard on 'em?

They'll get over it.

No touch.

You're the prettiest thing I've ever seen.

[low growling]

[groaning]

[grunt, dog squeals]

Excuse me.

Maybe I wasn't clear.

I said the woman ain't interested.

Man [laughing]: That so? Let's ask her.

What do you say, Mex?

Let's take this outside.

Let's take it here!

[grunting]

[grunting continues]

[clattering]

[growling]

[man groaning]

Just to let you fellas know.

There's certain nomenclature that I take umbrage at on account of my pa being Mexican.

[chuffing]

Ma'am.

[knife blade clinks]

[piano music playing]

[men groaning]

Bean: You know, maybe I should have handled that.

[groaning continues]

Man: Aah! Damn it!

Beth: Pinkerton National Detective Agency, 10 Washington Street, Chicago.

Message as follows.

"Apprise Mr. Harknett, Hedges is alive and in Seward. Last Drop Hotel."

"Will continue to monitor for item in question."

That's all.

Hey. Oh, hey, hey, take it easy.

[whimpering]

Take it easy.

Oh, no. Shh, shh, shh, shh.

Mr. Edge?

Now listen, Benny.

I figured that it's time that we have us a little chat about... about Little Bill.

I... I done... I done fixed up your horses, uh...

You know the picture that you made the lady?

Now, you did a swell job with the scar, ran east-west across Little Bill's chin, right?

Now, see, the only problem is, is that I was there when he got that scar.

Battle of Manassas.

And I don't recall seeing you there.

[whimpering]

Now, Benny, that sketch is two days old.

I'm gonna ask you again.

Where is he?

[whimpering]

Good man.

[gun cocks]

[gasps] ¿Puedo ayudarte?

Oh, Lordy.

You know, uh, I've seen flimsier locks at Camp Sumter.

[gun cocks]

Big Bill: Evening, Sergeant Hedges.

Now, I'd set that thing on the ground right now.

Go on.

There you go.

Now, you and I both know why you're here.

My son sent me a wire, said you might come looking for him.

Well, unfortunately, he ain't here.

But... as you can see, his pretty little wife is.

Now, I tell you what, it'd be well worth your while.

What do you say?

I'll just sit over there and watch, if it's all the same to you.

[laughs]

You do this for all your deputies?

No. Just the ones I like.

No, it's a peace offering.

Not my style.

Now, you see, there's gratitude for you.

I gave you a damn job today.

I could've put three rounds in your heart.

Well, your generosity knows no rounds, I get it.

Pilar. [blows]

Go on.

Come on.

See that?

Bootlips done that, Negroes.

When they weren't hiding in the cellar, they was up here painting.

Painting and painting.

Pilar... every day she lights a candle for 'em.

And every night I snuff it out.

Her way of being rebellious, I suppose.

Something special about you, son.

Most folks are evil.

You're evil, but you got principles. I like that.

When that yap of yours is in danger of making a point, wake me.

I'm coming up on something, Hedges.

I'll be moving some precious cargo.

You want a hired gun?

A bodyguard, more like it.

And what I'm saying...

If you can find it in your heart to forgive my son for whatever the hell he done to you, I could use a man like you.

[gunshots in distance]

[horses neighing]

[indistinct shouting]

Who the hell fired those shots?!

Woman: They came from back at the livery, Sheriff!

Son of a bitch.

[quietly]: Shh. It was Benny who fired the shots.

I asked him to, so we can talk without Bill knowing.

You... you have to help me.

Help you what?

Get away from here.

Away from him.

Lady, look, no offense, but I came here to kill your husband.

So whatever you got going on between you and Papa Bill, whatever it is, Please, señor... forget it.

Even if it's about gold, tarado?

You know about the Underground Railroad.

There's talk that the gold never left, that it's hidden somewhere near the church.

Big Bill's been looking for years now.

I think Benny knows where it is.

I asked him to make keys for me.

He gave me this.

I'll be damned.

So that's why Big Bill hangs people for spitting.

He needs bodies to bury so he can dig for gold.

Without anyone knowing, yes.

We find it, we leave.

Simple.

Hey. Yesterday, the deputy you killed, I know what you did.

You put him against the sky so no one in the crowd would get hit.

You changed your aim.

That's just how it turned out.

I do not believe that.

I think there is good in you.

And I can see it.

Get some glasses, sister.

[shouts, grunts]

[grunts]

[panting]

You take what you can have for free?

Drag me to the f*cking alley. Kill him, Big Bill!

Culero. Kill him.

This is a conundrum, isn't it?

[quietly]: What are you pulling? You trying to get me strung up?

[groans]

[quietly]: You'll think of something.

Something that frees us both, huh, cariño?

[grunts]

I have no words.

No words!

In fact, I'm thinking I might not be the right one to pass judgment for such a heinous crime.

What do you think, son?

Why, I think we should hang him, Pa.

[chuckles]

Mm.

Takes after his dad.

[chuckles]

Man: Look at that baby.

.44-caliber Henry Rimfire.

28 rounds a minute, I heard.

What do you think about that?

I think the sheriff would like to add this one to his collection.

[mimics gunshot]

Man: Good night.

Night.

[door opens]

[door shuts]

[gurgling]

[gurgling, choking]

Hedges.

Benny calls me Edge.

I'm starting to cotton to it.

Where is he... Little Bill?

How the f*ck would I know?

Lady, I ain't no fiddle, so why are you playing me?

Tell me why it's so important to Big Bill that I rape you.

Why?

Because... because he did. That's why.

So that's that bump that you're hiding underneath that thing.

He needed you alive.

A day or two.

Enough for people to believe you could have done this.

Why pin it on me? Little Bill's been back.

Why not just say he did it?

He... cannot...

[whistles] You know.

And everybody knows that?

Pilar: You know how it is.

Small town.

Gift from Benny?

There is more.

If we find it, we leave, Hedges.

We go anywhere.

Lady, you ain't listening.

I just got here.

[knocking]

Benny.

We have to talk.

Listen to me, Benny.

The gold you give me sometimes, where do you get it?

It's, uh... i... it's mine.

Oh, I think it is the slaves' gold, Benny.

The one the sheriff wants.

Little Bill told me he thinks your papa stole it.

P... Papa was a... a blacksmith.

Pilar: And he smelted that gold to hide it, no?

Did he not, Benny?

[screaming]

[shouting]

Pilar: Where is the gold, Benny?

Where is it?

I don't... I don't know.

He didn't tell me.

You're lying!

I don't think so.

If he'd tell anyone, it'd be you.

But she's right about your pa, now, isn't she, Benny?

He melted the gold down and hid it.

I don't... I don't know where he hid it.

I... I just got some.

Some?

No!

No! No!

[chuckles, gasps]

Oh, now, there's no need to be ashamed, Benny.

You got a right to bear arms.

[grunting]

What do you say, fellas?

It's hotter than a fistfight out there.

[grunts] Still, not a bad day for a hanging, though, isn't it?

What do you think, Mr. Hedges?

I ought to be getting back, Mr. Edge.

Stay with me, Benny.

Keep me company.

Big Bill: Figured you'd be here.

Best place to get a clean shot.

Well, I figured you'd figure.

That's why I brought 15 rounds.

Hey, I ain't gonna stop you.

I held up my end. He's gonna be at it all day, slothful little f*ck.

Is gold worth more than your own son?

Well, a man's got to prioritize, doesn't he?

Go on. Take your shot.

I'm not sure he's my kid anyway.

[gun cocks]

Man: 28 rounds a minute, I heard.

Man 2: I think the sheriff would like to add this one to his collection.

Weight's off!

I pull the trigger...?

Life becomes interesting.

Boys!

Benny.

You missing something?

He thinks you know where the gold is at.

Only reason you're here is because he's trading you for a clean shot at my son.

But you knew that, right?

Is that... that true, Mr. Edge?

Got to thank you.

'Cause if the idiot here was there when his daddy was smelting all of that slave gold, if that's how he lost his arm...

[chuckles] he's the link I've been missing.

You should've never... rode into Hate, sir.

Oh!

Finish it.

[grunting]

[groans]

Oh!

[grunting]

[chuckling]

Hey! Hey!

Aah! [groaning]

Go after that son of a bitch!

No!

Stop him!

[grunting]

[grunts]

[groaning]

Hey, I'm gonna see how dead he is.

Careful.

Deputy.

Big Bill: Cutting a swath through my deputies, aren't you?

We're gonna go now.

You can slow-roast out there or you can drown.

I don't care much which.

I like the simplicity of it.

We'll leave you to it.

Oh... thanks for the Henry.

[panting]

[muffled scream]

Little Bill: Josiah...

Josiah.

I reckon I...

I came back to make amends.

I know I... I can't bring back your brother.

No, but you got to know it wasn't me.

That was Harknett.

And I want you to know it was an honor serving with you.

Now, maybe in another life... we could be friends again.

I'll see you across the river.

[grunting]

[groans]

[gasping]

[whimpering]

Found him up at the north end of the valley, Sheriff.

Horse done died right out from under him.

I liked that horse.

Aw, crap.

The hell am I gonna do with you?

We need to have a little talk, you and I.

Why don't you just tell me where you got my gold hid?

[crying]

Or do I have to burn some more Negro?

[exclaims]

[blade unsheathes]

Your throat or that door.

Don't matter to me which opens first.

[grunts]

[groans]

[crying]

[exclaims]

Where is that thing? [chuckles]

[hoofbeats approaching]

sh1t.

You got that Henry fixed up?

Deputy: Right here, Sheriff.

Big Bill Seward?

Sheriff Seward to you.

Sergeant Harknett, Union Cavalry.

I respect your service, I surely do.

But the war's over, last time I checked.

That it is, Sheriff, that it is.

I expect that means Little Bill's around here somewhere.

You know my son?

We know his son?

[chuckles]

My, my.

I guess you got a short memory, Sheriff.

I rode through here and recruited him when he was scarce 15.

Before you had that winsome cane of yours.

Hey, that's true, Pa.

You know, this here's my squad.

Indeed we are.

Oh, save one of us.

Josiah Hedges.

Heard of him, Sheriff?

Heard of him?

I seen him dead four days ago.

He's laid out before the buzzards, good and proper.

Listen, we got a little, uh, regulation in this town about carrying sidearms.

Now, if you all would abide by that, I'd be honored to buy you and your boys a drink, soon as I'm done with my business here.

Obliged, Sheriff.

But we'll be keeping our firearms, if it's all the same to you.

Now...

Well... see, that's what I'm talking about.

Changes the conversation altogether.

[indistinct shouting]

Man: Look out!

[grunting]

Man: Get out of the way!

Whoa, whoa, easy!

Hyah!

[horses neighing]

[people coughing]

[man yells]

[rapid gunfire]

Aah!

Huh? Hijo de puta.

It's Josiah!

Run! Come on!

[screaming]

[grunts]

Aah!

sh1t!

Get to your room. Stay out of sight.

You son of a bitch.

[panting]

Forgot your training, Sergeant?

Never take higher ground if you don't got a fallback.

Oh, Jesus!

[grunting]

Aah!

Help me!

[grunting]

[grunts]

[neighing]

[cocks hammer]

[gunshot echoes]

[sighing]

[gunshot echoes]

[door creaking]

[gunshot ricochets]

[gunshot]

Hi, friend.

Toss out your gun... and your pack.

Do it or I'll kill the kid.

What kid?

[gasping breaths]

This one.

Harknett [chuckles]: Oh, yeah...

Little Bill told me all about it.

[gasps]

She'll likely bleed out fast.

Mm-hmm.

But I promise the snapper'll go quick.

Bye-bye, baby.

[Pilar gasps]

[Pilar whimpering]

Toss it!

Thank you.

Josiah, you got something I want.

Tell me where the box is and... [gasps] people keep breathing.

Harknett [chuckles]: Oh, you should've heard your baby brother holler.

We put green wood under him.

Burned real slow, it did.

So did he.

[Pilar panting]

[hammer cocks]

Edge, look out!

[rifle blasts]

[yells]

[gunshots]

[gasps]

[grunts]

f*ck!

sh1t!

[grunts]

[spits]

[dog barking]

[yells]

[yells]

[gasping]

[yells]

[bell clanging]

[groans, pants]

[gunshot]

[gunshot]

[clanging quiets]

[quiet clang]

[laughing]

[dog growling]

[bullet ricochets]

[gunshot]

[laughing]

[playful growling]

No! sh1t! Aah!

[gunshot]

[fuse hissing]

f*ck! Aw, f*ck!

No!

Hey! Aw, sh...

[yells]

[growls]

[yelling]

[grunts]

Pilar: Hedges! Stop him!

He is getting away!

Edge! Hey, Edge! Aah!

[low groaning]

[pants, grunts]

[women gasping]

[groans]

[panting]

[exhales]

Too much lawlessness, son!

Don't come back! Things gonna change around here!

Oh, I reckon there'll be some change... on account of I just broke a Big Bill.

[frustrated grunt]

[panting]

[chuckles] Whew!

Preacher: Things were status quo around here until you came back from the war, Little Bill.

This here situation... we reckon it's a message from God!

Oh, that so?

And what's he advocating?

[Little Bill chuckles]

Don't move, son. [chuckles]

[muttering indistinctly]

Get off!

[Little Bill laughing]

Get off!

[horse neighing]

[gasping breath]

[groans]

[gunshot echoes]

[horse huffs]

[exhales]

[horse huffs]

Hey, easy there.

You're a f*cking mess.

[groans]

Stay down.

I said stay down. sh1t.

[panting]: And you're not just a lady of the light, are you, Pinkerton?

I saw you at the telegraph office.

I didn't figure you was wiring your sweetie.

Well, if you're gonna throttle me, you could at least buy me a drink first.

[grunting, yelling in pain]

Tell you one thing, you sure put your foot in a beehive.

Harknett clan half runs this country... oil, coal.

They don't have it, they buy it.

Did they buy you?

f*ck you.

I'm helping you, aren't I?

[groans]

Tell me something.

Killing that horse and then... [panting quietly] killing Benny.

Did it feel any different to you?

[takes deep breath]

All right, then.

[sighs] If you did see a gilt jewel box...

I don't suppose you'd tell me about it, would you?

Edge [groans]: I've seen... plenty of guilt.

[groaning]

But I ain't seen your box.

[panting]

Well... we ain't never had that date yet, did we?

You forgetting something?

[Edge exhales]

You're welcome. [sighs]

[low, indistinct chatter]

[indistinct chatter]

Woman [panting]: The stranger!

The stranger's coming!

And he's got his rifle!

Yeah, come on!

[excited chatter]

Hurry it up!

Hurry it up! Come on!

Don't let him get me!

Don't let him get me! Please! If you see him, you just shoot me first before you take a shot at him!

[Little Bill continues indistinctly]

Git. It's on me. J... just do it, do it.

Git!

Edge: He's mine!

[gasping]

Edge: I'm taking Little Bill.

And I'll take a few more with him, don't matter to me.

Don't shoot!

Pilar [panting]: He's still... my husband.

f*ck him.

[gasping, screaming]

Man: Y'all get out of here!

[grunts]

[gunshot booms]

[grunting]

[yells]

[people gasping, sobbing]

[gunshot]

[yells]

[gunshot]

Aah!

[choking]

[gunshot echoes]

Harknett: Sorry I'm late, gentlemen.

I just got back from a very small town.

I was there once, long ago, and...

I can't say as I liked the changes.

Mr. Harknett.

Thanks. Had a bath yesterday.

Yep.

Should've seen it, folks.

Negroes... everywhere.

In the stables.

In the restaurants.

Unchaperoned.

I mean, one even drew pictures and sold 'em.

Man: That's preposterous!

That's right.

It's a sad day for these 37 United States.

[quiet coughing and throat clearing]

I have in my hand a letter, pledging money and allegiance to form a new and methodical uprising of the former Confederate states.

[murmuring in approval]

The South will rise again!

Look... we all know you have a powerful daddy, and we all respect that.

It's just that, uh... [clears throat]

Correct me if I'm wrong, but didn't you wear the Union uniform?

Sure.

Same reason you wear a suit to church.

Or go out of town to f*ck your mistress.

I beg your pardon?

Appearances.

[man laughing]

I mean, hell, I got a family business to inherit... not to mention, typically, I pick a winner.

And, uh... till now, the Confederacy was not it.

Well, let's face it, gentlemen.

You needed a "no rules" approach.

You needed savages.

I can bring you savages.

And very soon I will have in my possession... a box containing a certain artifact.

Let's call it a "sacred relic," because it will guarantee the cooperation of a new and unprecedented ally.

And who would that be, sir?

Why, the Apache Nation, of course.

The Apache what?!

[excited chatter]

[panting]: Sergeant... with all due respect, aren't you being a bit, uh, indiscreet?

We're not exactly alone here, if you get my meaning.

Harknett: Thanks for reminding me.

Man: Sir?

[gunshots]

[man sobbing loudly, excited chatter]

Man [sobbing]: Oh, God...

Harknett: What?

No hookers at a strategy meeting.

[excited chatter continues]

I just got back from a very small town.

Hmm. I was there once.

[excited chatter continues]

Long ago.

[people screaming, shouting]

And I assure you... it was a better place then.