01x05 - Un Monsieur Triste En Costume

[bunniefuu]

[g*nsh*t]

[Man speaking Egyptian] _

Don McLean: ♪ A long, long time ago ♪
♪ I can still remember ♪
♪ How that music used to make me smile ♪
♪ And I knew if I had one chance ♪

f*ck.

♪ That I could make those people dance ♪
♪ And maybe they'd be happy for a while ♪
♪♪[guitar]

John: This one's called "A Good Night's Sleep."

♪ Here's to the carpenters ♪
♪ That have to make those cute-sized caskets ♪
♪ After work, boys, have a drink or two ♪
♪ And try not to have more than three ♪
♪ And just go home ♪
♪ And try to get ♪
♪ A good night's sleep ♪
♪ Yeah, I know ♪
♪ It's a lot to ask, but good luck ♪
♪ Good luck ♪
♪ With it ♪

Now, my songs are a little, I guess, a little brighter.

Not to say that they're more intelligent, but they... they let a little light get in there.

Huh. Cool.

Yours don't really.

Well...

Let me ask you a question.

Straight up.

Cool.

Are you ready?

Yeah.

Straight up.

Cool.

Do you like Reese's Peanut Butter Cups?

Yeah. I do.

Me, too.

I had one today.

Me, too, see?

See what?

They're a real treat because they combine two things that are different, but together they're beautiful.

So I'm saying...

Yeah.

So I'm saying do you want to jam?

Hmm?

That verse isn't about being in love.

It's about being so in it that you... you don't even care that it's raining.

You just want to feel good in the rain.

Like singing in the rain?

[chuckle] Oh, sh*t.

Yeah.

Well, that's okay. I mean...

You think that's a problem?

I mean, is it a chorus, singing in the rain?

Because I would probably...

No, no. This song has an original, uh... it's...

It gives a name to pleasant mid-day wetness.

What are you talking about?

Morning dew, evening mist.

What about 3 p.m.? 3:30?

Wetness then.

"Afternoon Spray."

That's what I came up with.

Want to try it again?

♪ I hear rainfall ♪
♪ On the palm ♪
♪ Of the only hand that ever ♪

Both: ♪ Holds mine ♪

What, did I get the chord wrong?

No. Perfect on the chords. Perfect.

Um, the... there's joy in this song. Joy.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I'm... I'm not really feeling your joy.

I'm not really feeling joy.

Well, what's getting you down?

Like, I mean, let's tackle that.

Uh, just, you know, the stuff that... the normal stuff that gets to everybody.

No special lady?

Like, no one to share the special stuff?

Because I don't... I don't have that, either.

I... I mean, I used to. I...

I lost it. I... I want it back, but I can't.

You know, but every morning I wake up.

I have the same thought.

It's been a long time since something special happened to me, and I'm so alone, but I'm blessed, really, because... if something nice actually did happen to me, I wouldn't have anyone nice to share it with, so... maybe, when something good happens, it'll be when I have someone nice.

And then it'll be double great.

I mean, I don't say that every morning.

It... It's just too long, so I just say... double great.

You want to say it with me?

Double great?

Yeah.

No.

That's cool.

But why?

Because I have somebody.

That's not the...

Oh. Good.

What, then?

This is a general feeling, just a general thing.

Oh, when I feel bad generally, I just do something specifically that's fun.

So we could do a thing.

Let's do something, do a thing specifically that's fun.

Like what?

Like go get drunk, talk about music all night.

He changed lines, man. That's all I'm saying.

Who?

Willie changed lines in "Pancho and Lefty."

All right.

Greg12 thinks he made it better. I say leave it, man.

It's all good. It's just...

It's just music.

Hey!

It's like mu...

[speaking Danish]

All right. It's okay.

It's okay.

Don't worry about him, man.

He's... He's a d*ck. What were we saying?

Whoa. Now the vibe's gone.

Why?

Because of this d*ck.

No, don't say it out loud like that.

I don't like to fight.

All right.

No need.

All right.

Hey, man.

Do it again.

[both laughing]

1, 2, 3.

Both: "Seinfeld."

[laughing]

Favorite character on "Seinfeld."

1, 2, 3.

Both: Elaine.

My God. Oh, my God.

♪ I hear rainfall ♪
♪ On the palm ♪
♪ Of the only hand that would hold mine ♪
♪ And I listen ♪
♪ Yeah, I listen ♪
♪ I just lay there with her ♪
♪ And listen ♪
♪ Drifting afternoon ♪
♪ Drop down afternoon ♪
♪ Afternoon ♪
♪ Afternoon spray ♪
♪ Drop on my old lady's face ♪
♪ Drop on my old lady's waist ♪
♪ And I'll drop ♪
♪ Drop into my woman's arms ♪

Rob.

You still here?

Uh, yep.

Right here, John.

Ahh.

That was fun.

Yeah.

How many songs did we end up recording last night?

Five.

Huh.

Well...

I have to get up.

I got a job as a night watchman.

It's daytime.

Yeah.

sh*t.

I should get going.

Double great.

I think we should look wistfully back at the camera.

Want to practice?

You think we need to practice that?

Yeah, I think we need to practice 'cause it's our album cover. We need to do it right.

Okay.

Okay, 1, 2, 3.

♪♪ [guitar]

♪ Travelin' north ♪
♪ Travelin' north to find you ♪
♪ Train was b*ating the wind in my eyes ♪
♪ Don't even know what I'll say when I find you ♪
♪ Call out your name, love, don't be surprised ♪
♪ It's so many miles ♪
♪ And so long since I've met you ♪
♪ Don't even know what I'll find when I get to you ♪
♪ But suddenly now I know where I belong ♪
♪ It's many hundred miles ♪
♪ And it won't be long ♪

[bang]

♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪
♪ It won't be long ♪

Are you okay?

Do you need help of some kind?

I'm okay. Thank you.

You should stay here for a while.

No, I'm fine.

Just long day.

Man: Reception.

Housekeeping.

[speaking French]

Is this housekeeping?

Yes. How may I help you?

I'm in the Electress of Saxony Room.

Let's not leave the room fridge open in the future here.

I... I am sorry?

My fridge.

Let's get shipshape.

Let's close the things that close, okay?

Your fridge was left open?

Yes.

I'll make a note of it.

I'd appreciate it.

I look forward to better service.

Have a good night.

Good night, monsieur.

[Girl speaking French] _

[elevator dings]

[doors open]

[doors close]

Hey, John.

Hey.

John, why did you ask if my last name Icabod was a nickname?

I didn't.

Yes, you did, John.

You mentioned that. You said... I quote...

"Hey, what's your last name, Peter, anyway?"

I said, "Icabod."

You said, "I thought that was a nickname."

Why did you think that?

Just... no reason.

Is it because I look like I live in an enchanted forest in a Grimm fairy tale wearing a cloak or some such?

No.

Or yeah, I guess, honestly, Peter, but not in a bad way.

[ding]

Nice work on the plate presentation.

You locked that down. Didn't he, Leslie?

Didn't he what?

Didn't Lakeman lock it down?

Yeah.

Lakeman locks it down.

So, Icabod, I can work tonight, turns out.

Thought you were otherwise engaged.

Wanted to be. Last time, yeah, they sent these Japanese sisters, but they could only send one, which, yeah, for me doesn't get the job done.

Leslie, hey, let's throw the euro conversion charting to John.

Let's let John lead that tomorrow, I was thinking.

But that's why we brought Stephen.

That's his area of concentration.

Yeah. Let's throw that to John.

Lacking a little sex appeal here.

[ding]

Excuse me.

Archduke Sebastian Room.

Five minutes.

[ding]

Sorry.

John.

John.

Ooh, I just want to hug you.

But there's too many big guys in here. f*ck.

So what are you doing?

Just...

I mean in the suit and with these guys.

Hi, guys. I'm... I'm Rob.

Uh...

Hey. Lawrence.

Oh. Oh, good. Rob.

Rob.

Leslie.

Cool. [chuckle]

Eugene.

Cool.

Rob.

You are?

Abel.

Hey. Cool. Rob.

Montrose.

Hey. Cool. Rob.

Rob. Cool.

Harrigen.

Cool. Rob.

Yeah. You?

Plio.

Plio. All right.

All right. Cool. Rob.

[gasp]

John, it's happening.

What is?

My life.

Starting now.

[ding]

Let's catch up later.

We'll catch up. Yeah, man.

I got something I got to do now.

W...

Dennis: Yeah. We got you, scumbag.

You don't f*cking take sh*t that doesn't f*cking belong to you, bitch!

Dennis, stop, man.

Sorry.

What are you going to do with him?

Give them the money we brought over and give him back. Tell them to get lost.

You got money over?

Mm-hmm.

We did.

I barnstormed it through in my neck pillow.

Yeah. It's not in there.

I just wanted you to faint or something at TSA to cause a distraction so I could get it across.

Dennis: f*ck.

Edward: What?

Really?

[door opens]

[door closes]

Did you faint at TSA?

Yeah, I did.

Good job.

Thanks.

John: Hi, Stephen.

Hi, John.

My name's Ted.

Sorry.

You keep getting that wrong.

Okay.

Hey.

Yes?

I heard you bragging to everyone how you can comb your own hair.

I can.

Really? Never seen it.

I just heard you bragging to everyone.

Well, I can.

I don't believe you.

I'd show you, but it's too early to remove my helmet.

That's cool.

I'll just tell everyone that you're a liar, then.

How did you get in here, Ted?

Don't worry about it.

Why did you come in?

Because everyone thinks you're a liar, and I wanted to tell you that because I like you.

I didn't believe them, but now I do because you won't comb your own hair.

You smell familiar.

You're probably lying about that.

Watch this.

You see, Ted?

[ding]

You enjoying Luxembourg?

Yeah.

For the most part, yeah. Thanks.

[groaning]

It's good food.

[door opens]

Eh.

[door closes]

How am I going to talk to these guys?

I speak Portuguese. I could translate.

Brazil has the fourth largest transport field in the world.

It's my primary field. I could do it.

I don't want them to see you.

Either of you.

We can do it from my room.

Charles Ambrose. It's adjoining with yours.

It is?

Yeah. I requested it.

[groaning]

The reason you're all still living...

[Dennis, in Portuguese] _

And the reason we're offering any sum of money at all...

We're sympathetic concerning your brother, but you stole from us, and this is all we'll do to conciliate.

The bag you're looking for...

I don't have it.

I'm looking for it too.

Take this money.

Take your brother.

Leave. Say nothing.

Or I'll take you one by one, just like I took him.

It's a good deal of money.

Are you adding stuff?

Dennis: No.

It sounds like you're adding stuff.

Nope.

John Tavner.

[chuckle]

sh*t.

What?

This guy's coming, this guy named Leslie.

I'm a known figure a little bit.

We shouldn't be seen together.

Yeah. We're pretty together here, too.

Just you got to keep embracing me.

I'm just gonna sort of...

But then we're gonna be embracing for, like, three minutes.

He already thinks I'm weird.

What's the alternative?

Yeah. f*ck.

Alice was worried that you weren't all right.

She told me that.

I'm all right.

Yeah?

Yeah.

You came all the way to Luxembourg to see if I'm all right?

Yes.

Okay, here's what we're going to do.

First thing, you're gonna get some sleep.

Then you're gonna eat.

And then we're gonna have some fun.

You pick the fun.

Can I come?

[laughing]

Well, it wouldn't be much fun without you, Eddie.

Dennis: Can I come?

To my left you will see King Gerald's Tower, all that is left of Luxembourg's first Castle Mount.

It was the site of King Gerald's Fall.

In 1563, King Gerald was facing down a rebellion.

His people were starving due to a blighted apple harvest.

They blamed the aging Gerald and believed their king had gone soft in his advanced years.

I want to know what you're facing, all of it.

I need to know you're okay.

So don't hold back.

Spill it, kid.

The detective asked to interview me about the thing.

The k*lling?

The k*lling.

Of a man who was trying to choke you to death.

Of a man who was trying to k*ll you.

Yeah. The thing.

She asked to interview me and a number of my colleagues.

I can't account for my whereabouts at the time of the k*lling.

In fact, I missed a meeting I had planned.

She's interviewing him, this guy.

If she covers that with him...

What did you tell him?

Your excuse for missing the meeting.

They sent my bag to the wrong hotel.

Got your little suit, guy?

She'll blow that lie out in two seconds if she cares to.

No courier was sent with my bag.

No hotel received it.

She could learn that, during the time of the k*lling, nobody knows where I was. No one can say.

She could learn all this at these interviews tomorrow.

We need to make an alibi.

I'm working on it with Ed.

She has...

The detective has a photograph of me, too.

Yeah, it's six hours later here.

I know. Weird, right?

You haven't been photographed since you were 19 years old.

I was.

I did, yeah.

Under what circumstances?

For the cover of something I recorded with a friend of mine in April, after I...

So she has this what, CD?

A photo of me under another name.

Yeah. She has it somewhere.

She's going to interview me.

Then if she looks at that thing...

Why would you take that picture?

This thing with the guy, it was making me, I don't know, happy.

I didn't think.

I was in the... afternoon spray, I guess.

What? In the what?

That's just when you're... you're feeling good... you don't really know what else is going on around you so much.

I'm sorry.

Oh, come on. You kidding me?

Look at it from my end.

I authorized the illegal use of American money to influence a foreign election, then I gave the money to the bad guy, and he's going to use that money to put Iran back on the path to active... their weapons program.

A monumental f*ck-up that falls to me.

That's... a bigger deal than a picture.

And I wasn't in any afternoon splash deal, either.

I thought I was thinking clearly.

Don't b*at yourself up.

It's still out there.

The bag, the guy.

Well, we need to find him.

The physicist's wife flies in today.

I found the bag man once.

I don't know now.

He won't go back to that room.

He's here alone.

Are you?

You're supposed to be here alone, but are you actually alone?

Yeah. We have recess, too.

Yeah. It's awesome.

So anyway, remember, you can't lose from the sidelines.

Let's find his Edward.

How?

Let's use Edward.

We find the guy, we get the bag back, and we get you out of Luxembourg before there's more trouble with this investigation.

We're trying to find this fellow.

He plays your role. Walk us through your day.

Edward: How do you know he'll have my, you know, vibe?

Because his brother's like John.

That's how families turn out, it seems like.

You get a John, you get an Edward.

So how do you spend your day, son?

Well...

Owning up here. Go.

Uh, I sleep until 1 p.m., say.

Then I put on something comfortable.

Then I go to the hotel gym and see if there are any attractive women in there under, say, 30.

If there are, I fake stretch nearby.

If not, I just leave.

And do you always stay at the best hotel?

It's taxpayer's money, so yes.

Does this guy work for the government?

Sort of.

Then he'll be at the The King Gerald.

I mean, where are you staying?

The King Gerald.

See?

What's up, man?

What's up?

I like your style.

Yeah, you, too.

Like the whole thing, the whole vibe.

Cool. Yeah, you, too, your vibe.

Thanks, man.

[Man, in Egyptian] _

Tom: We have a record of Mahtma El-Mashad flying in, arriving at 1:30.

My guess is they'll get together straight away, her and the Bag Man.

She has a ticket back the next morning.

John: Where's she staying?

The King Gerald.

Edward's got a point about that.

We all stay there... public servants, men of science, religious extremists.

It's the best place.

Mahtma El-Mashad.

Welcome. Passport?

You're in the Countess Hedwig.

I would like to watch a film this afternoon.

Very good. You can do that from your room.

I would like to watch a Disney film.

I'm sure... I'm sure we have those.

What are my Disney choices?

Your Disney choices would be...

Beverly Hills Chihuahua 3, Tangled, and Wreck-It Ralph.

And what are they concerning?

Well, Beverly Hills Chihuahua, that's probably about dogs.

Tangled is about a young woman on an adventure, it looks like from the trailer.

And I don't know for the other one.

I'll select Tangled.

Can we arrange for an employee to do that now before I arrive in the room?

I would only like to see that film on the television.

Yes, we can.

Who was your hallway pal?

A stranger whose laptop I found in the bar and then I gave it back to him and then he was grateful.

[ding]

I'll say.

Rob: Oh, my God.

You know, I can't believe I found you.

Oh, my God.

I don't understand. You left Amsterdam.

And you became a businessman in two months?

And you have a different last name?

Lakeman. Yeah.

You marry a guy or something?

Yeah.

Cool.

Yeah, I'm still single.

Well, that's cool.

Yeah.

W-Well, not really, but... you know what is cool?

Is we're getting medium play on three independent radio stations in central Europe.

Cool.

And we're playing the Tomorrowland Festival in Boom, Belgium.

When?

Tonight.

Rob, man...

Hey, it's the folk tent.

I know it's an EDM thing, really, but there's a folk tent, and one of the radio stations, they have a bill.

I called...

[whisper] and they said we could be on it.

Tyhmens and Saperstein, man.

We're on the bill.

Rob...

We're on the bill.

It's cool, right, the name?

Tomorrowland?

So we go, and we hit it.

Then tomorrow's different.

John: Dennis, are you there?

Always. I mean yeah.

I'd like you to do something tonight to help.

Sure, man.

I'm trying to find the girl from the passport.

I think she's an escort Lawrence hired on the first trip.

I need you to gather some information... where she goes, where she lives.

Yeah.

All right.

So I'd like you to spend time tonight with some professional sex workers.

Yes.

Yep.

Two tickets for 5 p.m.

Is there beer on the boat?

Yes, there is a bar, yes.

Hey, man.

Hey.

[laughing] Hey.

You'll like this boat, man.

They got beer on the boat.

All right. There's nothing like a cold one.

There is nothing like a cold one, man.

That's pure science.

Ha ha!

Hey, man, I'm Kkyman.

Uh, Rick.

Cool.

It is, actually.

It's... It's Cool Rick.

Of course it is.

John: Ed found him.

The Bag Man?

We think we know where he'll be in an hour.

The guy bought a ticket for two on that same thing we did today... the boat thing, tourist thing.

The thing we did to...

So you could relax a little.

Yeah.

He's doing the same thing we did so I could relax a little.

Good.

k*ll him.

He doesn't have the bag.

Who does?

Um...

I think she does.

I think the bag got away.

How? He had one transfer, A to B.

I've been told that before, on occasion.

El-Mashad's wife was supposed to take it today.

She's watching Tangled in her room.

His brother's here, same as me.

Why is Ed here?

Because things got f*cked up.

Right. And the Bag Man's on a boat today, same as me.

Why'd you take me today?

The boat?

Because things were getting f*cked.

You needed to catch your breath so you could find the bag.

Yeah, well, he's doing the same thing, and I think for the same reasons.

The bag got away from him.

It's got something to do with the guy that runs McMillan somehow.

McMillan's involved?

Sort of, yeah.

It's kind of last minute, but do you have any Japanese girls?

Great. Just maybe to accompany me to dinner.

Or maybe to whip the back of my legs with a Twizzler.

Ow.

Thank you, Maurice.

I'm... I'm so sorry.

He's a new guy.

The Bag Man's on a boat.

El-Mashad's watching movies.

The guy doesn't have the bag.

She does somehow.

Yeah. Well, he's still here, and you're still here, and he's still looking for the bag, and you're still looking for the bag.

Go k*ll him.

John?

I think I'm seeing things, Dad.

I think I started seeing things.

Like what?

Like a hundred people hopping through town here.

[chatter in French]

♪♪

Tour guide: ...at that very tower window...

They have beer.

There's a little bar inside.

Want me to get you a beer?

One beer.

Thanks.

Hey, it's going to be all right.

I'm here.

It's going to be okay, man.

[tour guide continues]

Tour guide: Now please join me below at the bar for the rest of the tour.

[P.A. announcement in French]

Man: "Amsterdam Time Out" called their music an earnest and effortless blending of two voices that form one sound.

Tyhmens and Saperstein.

[applause]

Rob: I'm Tyhmens and Saperstein, and, uh, I'm going to start with something from "Circles of Resonance."

It's called "Superself."

♪♪ [guitar]

♪ When you shined your light ♪

And you should imagine that there's another, higher voice coming in at... at that time... at the same time.

[higher voice] ♪ When you shined your light ♪
♪ It split all my atoms ♪

And then, at the same time, I'm saying "It split all..."

Oh, wow. Excuse...

Woman: I love you, John!

Wow, man! [laughs]

I'm glad you made it.

Thank God.

We should hit them with, uh, "Afternoon Spray."

All right?

I... I was, like, lost.

Yeah.

Okay?

"Afternoon Spray."

Okay.

Here we go.

♪ Laying in your clearing ♪

[applause]

♪ We're limb by limb ♪

Both: ♪ Built me in one morning ♪
♪ With the leaves around your skin ♪
♪ I hear rainfall ♪
♪ On the palm ♪
♪ Of the only hand that will hold mine ♪
♪ And I listen ♪

[audience claps in rhythm]

♪ Yeah, I listen ♪
♪ I just lay there with her and listen ♪
♪ Drifting afternoon ♪
♪ Drop down afternoon ♪
♪ Afternoon ♪

[audience members singing along]

♪ Afternoon spray ♪

[whistling]

Man: We love you, Rob!

[whistling]

♪ My boss Leslie is like your grandfather ♪
♪ That you like less than your other grandfather ♪
♪ 'cause he's kind of a prick ♪
♪ And he says things ♪
♪ Like "Keep your hair cut" ♪
♪ But he just cares about things you should care about ♪
♪ Like doing your work right ♪
♪ And showing up on time ♪
♪ Keeping your word ♪
♪ And old-world craftmanship ♪
♪ He's probably ♪
♪ A better man ♪
♪ Than your more casual grandpa ♪
♪ Here's to old school ♪
♪ I think you're Grandpa Number 1 ♪
♪ I just wanted to tell you then ♪
♪ That I'll probably mess you up somehow ♪
♪ Anyway ♪
♪ Later ♪

[silence]

I'm sorry, Rob. I just, uh, couldn't recall the lyrics.

Just... any of them. Uh...

I think I'll just leave.

Just... couldn't... couldn't recall any of them.

[P.A. announcement in French]

♪♪