01x10 - Why Do We Cover The Mirrors

[bunniefuu]

♪ Heading out this morning ♪
♪ into the sun ♪
♪ Riding on the diamond wave ♪
♪ little darling one ♪
♪ Warm winds caress her ♪
♪ her lover, it seems ♪
♪ Oh, Annie, dreamboat Annie ♪
♪ Ship of dreams ♪
♪ Oh Annie, dreamboat Annie ♪
♪ Ship of dreams ♪
♪ Going down the city sidewalk ♪
♪ alone, alone ♪
♪ in a crowd ♪

You look great.

You, too, mama.

Mwah.

Let's see those ladies.

♪ No one knows the lonely one ♪
♪ with his head, head ♪
♪ in the clouds ♪
♪ Sad faces painted over ♪
♪ with those magazine smiles ♪
♪ heading out to somewhere ♪
♪ won't be back ♪
♪ Back ♪
♪ For a while ♪

Hmm. So...

That was good.

Pretty.

Were you guys even aware of heart before today?

Yep.

Sure.

I think we got a hit on our hands.

It's good to see you guys.

So we'll keep things kind of quiet today.

Uh, no. I want to tell everybody.

Is that okay?

Okay.

See you at the funeral.

Okay. Good.

What you doin'?

Don't say sh*t.

Sex.

Okay.

Oh, my God!

Cuteness. [Laughing]

S01E10
Why Do We Cover The Mirrors

Coming, I'm coming.

Oh, my God.

Mom, what is that stuff?

Mustard, sweet 'n low, stirrers.

Jesus, mom, I got that at the house.

You didn't have to bring it.

Just in case.

Gigi!

Oh, Dolly.

Hi, Gigi.

Ohh.

All right, go and sit. We're going to go.

We're going to go see Ed.

In the grave.

Yes.

Jesus, you think you brought enough?

Just in case, like I said.

Are you kidding me?

[Chatter]

[No audible dialogue]

[Giggling]

[No audible dialogue]

Ali: Oh, my God. Did you invite Rita?

Josh: No.

Looks like she's got a new teenage boy toy.

Some things never change.

Woman: I'm so sorry for your loss, dear.

Thank you.

You're very brave.

Pallbearers.

One on each side.

Okay, we need two more.

That's okay, Tammy. I got it.

No, I got it.

That's okay.

No, you want... do you want it?

All right. Do you know what? Take it.

1, 2, 3, lift.

That looks a little heavy for you. I got it.

Yeah. I got it. Thank you. That's good.

And so today... we are going to remember the life of Ed Paskowitz, who lived his life with dignity and kindness and respect.

Even when his health suffered, he remained beautifully positive, and I know that he loved his family.

And so today let's celebrate his life.

Did you order the Cole slaw?

[Singing in hebrew] Yeah, mom. I got it.

Both kinds?

Don't worry about it.

[Singing continues]

Is that Mort?

Who's that?

Are you okay?

Yeah, I'm okay.

Wow.

Judy: God, you weren't kidding.

No. I wasn't.

[Singing in hebrew]

Hello, everybody.

You okay?

Of course.

Go.

Is everybody staring at dad right now?

Does it matter?

See you, Ed.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

Can I be buried next to you and Tammy if you guys end up together?

Sure, if you want to.

That's a sparkly star of David you've got.

Thank you.

Since when are you into judaism?

Oh, for a while now.

Oh.

Who knew?

Hey.

Hi.

I read this thing that it's an old Jewish tradition to cut your tie at the funeral, but I don't really...

I can do it.

Okay.

All right.

Thanks.

Yeah.

Did Josh ever tell you that he loved you?

You know how a serial k*ller wants to see it in your eyes?

They, like, you know you're going to die.

Well, Josh wants to see in your eyes that you love him, that you never met anyone like him before.

What's crazy is he told me about that, but then it was still happening.

I was still that person looking at him.

It was just a total mind f*ck.

Ugh. Okay. That's... anyway.

I don't even really care about that.

I mean, it's really just the fact that you lied to me.

Great.

That you both lied to me together.

Okay.

Uh, so should I go to the Shiva?

You don't have to come to that.

Okay.

Hi, Uncle Mort.

How are you?

It's good to see you.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

Hi, Uncle Mort.

Maura.

Oh. Uncle Maura. Hi.

Well, thank you so much.

I... I just want to say I totally get it.

There's actually a little boy in my class who suffers the same condition.

Go on in.

So if you need to ever talk...

Hi. Bride's side, groom's side.

Excuse me?

Just kidding. Come on in.

Thank you. Thank you.

Go, go, go, go. Go sit down.

Go sit down. And text your mother and tell her to get here.

I don't want her to be late. She's always late.

Right around there. I'll show you the kitchen, gardens.

I'm so sorry.

Can you relax, babe?

Thanks. Yeah. I'll relax.

Oh, Len. How you doing?

Where's the mustard? There's not enough mustard out there.

There's not enough mustard? I put, like, a vat.

It's not enough. Everybody likes mustard.

Fine, take your mustard.

Put the whole container out there, mom.

I am. I'm going to put the whole container out.

You okay?

I...

Yeah. I'm fine.

Let me know if you see any mustard.

Clap once if you can hear me, everybody.

[Chatter]

Okay, if anyone can hear me, clap twice!

[Chatter]

[Whistling]

Oh, God.

Come on around, everyone.

Just sit down and get this little show on the road here.

I just wanted to welcome everyone to Ed's memorial slash wake, also known as a Shiva, and also to thank all of you who have come, just for commenting on what we've done to the house.

All right, I don't want to take up too much time, so I'm going to give the floor here to this person on my right.

And your name is?

Ruth.

Would you like to share a memory?

Ed made Shelly happy.

I'll say that.

I didn't know him very well.

We haven't seen each other very much.

I'm sorry, Shelly.

That's fine.

Pass.

I'm Tiffany, if I can go next.

I know I'm not probably the closest person to Ed, but I prepared something.

The persian poet Rumi said, A mountain keeps an echo deep inside itself.

[laughing]

Just close the door.

Holy sh*t.

Pass. Pass.

Not me. I have nothing good to say about Ed.

There's a story there.

Esther always said something.

There's a story there.

Do not piss off Esther.

She will f*ck you up at your memorial service.

And that's how I hold your voice.

I think we all could say that's how we held Ed's voice.

I heard from people here today he's a great neighbor.

He started recycling here.

This color okay?

This is fine.

Okay.

Thank you.

Is that good?

It's great.

So yeah. Thank you.

So why do we cover the mirrors?

What does the Bible or the Torah or whatever say about it?

Whatever. It's not in the Bible.

It's a... it's a tradition.

It's about being free from vanity, about being free from that extra layer of being seen.

Just letting us be.

There's another one in here.

Great. Thank you.

That's nice.

Oh, I know so little about judaism, it's sad.

Did you have a horrible Bat Mitzvah?

I didn't have a Bat Mitzvah.

My parents let me cancel it.

Whoa. That was, uh...

Awful.

Well, I was going to say...

Horrible parenting?

People make mistakes and then grow.

From an outsider perspective, I think your family is incredible, and your brother is just amazing.

I could not be happier.

Wow.

I hope that that's a lot.

I hope that's okay. I...

Yeah. No, I mean, wow.

Uh-oh.

Uhh.

Oh, no. I feel like maybe there's something that you're not telling me. If... please.

Mm.

Please tell me.

Okay, well, I think Josh has a kind of f*cked-up relationship with women.

And there's been a lot of women.

Oh, yeah. Yes.

I mean, I'm not saying he's, like, a sex addict or... love addict or... maybe he's a love addict.

I should hang this.

I'm... I'm sorry.

Oh, my God, this looks so nice.

I remember when I got this.

I got this at that little place in the East Village when we were in New York. Do you remember?

Yeah.

It was really nice.

Are you doing okay? I know it's so weird.

I'm so glad you're here, though.

Thank you for coming.

It's kind of weird being... replaced.

You're not replaced.

Don't you miss anything?

Yes.

You miss my cock, huh?

Sometimes I miss your cock.

Sometimes you miss my cock.

But what... what... like, toys. That's just plastic.

They're really not that bad.

Oh, they've made significant advancements...

Yes, they have.

In the field of dildo-ology-

Yes, they have.

Or whatever it is.

They're very good. There's different shapes and sizes.

It's not the same.

It's not like a warm, hot, throbbing cock.

Suck on it. Suck my f*cking cock.

God.

[Panting]

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. Get up.

I love you.

Wait, wait, wait.

What?

I don't want to be a f*cking secret.

Just because you're from this family doesn't mean you have to be like this family.

Uncle Ed loved to golf.

I remember this one time, he hit this, like, nasty chip sh*t.

It was, like, the best one I have ever seen in person.

He'll be missed.

Hey, where's Raquel?

I don't know.

Tammy: Well, I know the desserts are being put out up there.

She's leaving.

The kids, they love the mochi.

And I got the mochi in the freezer...

Where are you going?

Uh, I got another funeral I got to go to.

I double-booked. [Sniffling]

What are you talking about?

What are you talking about? Stop running.

Hey. Why are you lying to me?

I'm... ohh.

What happened?

I'm not lying.

Hey, hey, hey, hey. Hey.

I love you.

Wow.

I want to have babies with you.

I want to... I want to do everything with you.

I should have said it earlier. I love you.

Do you understand?

I, like, never loved anybody before, okay?

Please.

Oh, f*ck you.

What?

Hey, what the f*ck?

Oh, God.

What happened?

Uh... what happened?

Something happened.

Let it go.

No. Somebody told you something?

Was it Syd? Did she say something to you?

Why would Syd say anything to me?

Rita.

Rita said something to you.

Wow, Josh. How many are there?

How many are there?

Who the f*ck did you talk to in there?

Rita, Syd. Either... where am I in that?

Who cares? I f*cking love you!

Did you f*cking say this to all of them? Shut up!

No! I'm not!

f*ck!

Did you say something to Raquel?

Who's Raquel?

The rabbi.

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I told her what a great service it was.

Yeah? That's it? Because it kind of feels like you're lying to me right now.

That's really what I was saying.

By your tone, I'm assuming she's something more than a rabbi, maybe.

Yeah.

Your latest conquest?

She's not a conquest, okay?

She's an incredible person.

She's like the best person I've ever met.

Please, Josh, okay?

Hi.

This is Colton.

Colton.

Yeah. Josh.

Enjoying the Shivah?

Yeah. Uh, it's my first... first one.

Great. I hope you're having a good time.

Yeah. We've got some Reese's pieces out there.

You can check them out.

Maybe do you want me to...

Oh.

I could...

Do what?

Uh, I don't really know how to say this, so I'll just say it. Um, Rita's my birth mom.

And so I guess, um, I guess that makes you... my dad.

Yeah. He's our son.

Tammy: Hey, babe!

What's up?

Babe, come on.

The memory circle's coming to a close.

Where are you?

Oh, hey.

Hey.

Sorry. I spilled some wine, and I just had to...

Oh.

Clean it up.

You okay?

Yeah, yeah. It's all good.

Good. So you think people like the house?

Oh, my God. I think they're really...

I know.

Really, it's so perfect for this.

It really opened up great for an event.

Thanks for...

I mean, it was just like... that was really good, the circle.

Sorry I had to...

Oh, yeah, yeah, I know.

Love it.

You okay, then?

Yeah, I'm fine. What?

You just had a funny look on your face.

I think we should get married.

[Laughing]

I mean, beyond thanking you all for attending, I just, uh, I wanted to say how grateful I am, how wonderful you've been with me during my... my recent life transition.

At Westlake Elementary School, there was Mrs. Painter, and I was standing in the girls' line, and it felt right.

We've talked about this.

Mm-hmm.

And, uh... [Muttering]

She made me get out of that line and stand in the boys' line. I just said...

I have to pish.

And that's when I knew something was different.

Well, I'm from Overland Park, Kansas.

Uh, it's a nice area.

Um, you know, I, uh...

Kansas?

Yeah.

I'm going to be a senior this year.

Um...

I really like Sushi.

Yeah?

Yeah.

And nobody else really likes Sushi by me over there.

Uh, and, uh, and so I don't know.

I mean, do... do you like Sushi?

Oh.

I wondered if maybe I got that from you.

Yeah. I like Sushi.

That makes sense.

Yeah. Um...

This is terrible timing, you know, because I'm really f*cked up right now, and...

You know what? I'm f*cked up all the time.

And I'm not sure you're going to like me.

Uh, no matter what happens, uh, I'm always going to like you, you know?

I haven't seen most of these people in years.

Now I'm reminded why.

Mom, why didn't I have a Bat Mitzvah?

You didn't want one.

Yeah, but I was 13 years old.

Nobody lets a 13-year-old make that decision.

Mom.

Your father wanted to go to dress-up camp that weekend: Camp Woman Wonka.

What? Camp what?

Some camp in... Hatzenplatz, in the woods, where men dress up like ladies.

You're telling me I didn't have a Bat Mitzvah because dad wanted to go into the woods and dress up like a woman?

That and you were a spoiled brat.

You know what it is. It's Memory Keeper's Daughter.

I read that book.

You did? Didn't you love that book?

Barbara Kingslover.

Kingsolver.

Kingsolver.

Barbara Kingsolver didn't write that.

Same thing.

Hi.

Hi, honey.

Hey, dad.

Hi.

So, uh, mom tells me that you canceled my Bat Mitzvah so you could go to some dress-up camp in the woods?

Is that true?

No. No. Not at all.

No?

No. It was a... I let you cancel it.

I was 13.

Honey, you canceled your Bat Mitzvah...

13-year-olds don't get to cancel Bat Mitzvahs.

Honey, you canceled your Bat Mitzvah.

We made an agreement. I respected your mind.

I can't get you to do your Haftorah.

What do you want me to do, point a g*n at your head?

Don't be so self-centered.

There's another world out there.

Okay.

It's not all me, all Ali, all my feelings.

In this room, I'm the one who's self-centered. That's...

Well, I believe so.

Oh, that's good. That's rich.

Because I don't need judaism. Who wants to be Jewish?

You know, who needs guidance in life?

I mean, what on earth would I do with God?

You know? So thank you.

You could keep your voice down.

Keep my voice down?

We have people...

Because that's our family religion, right? Secrecy.

You're being a little bit too much, don't you...

Let's see, here's some money to go to college, but don't tell anybody. Don't tell Josh.

Oh, my God. Ali...

Why are you always pushing money on me?

Because, my beautiful girl, you cannot do anything!

You know, you have so much more to say now than when I was writing your checks, giving you loans, which, by the way, aren't actually loans, because you don't pay back d*ck. You understand?

Not one cent. I'm paying for your life.

I don't need or want or give a sh*t about your money.

You can't f*cking scream at me anymore because I'm an adult. Okay?

So there we go. It's settled, done.

I have a question, now that you're, uh, now that you're not on the payroll anymore.

Do you like me?

If I didn't give you any money, would you even talk to me?

This looks delicious.

Mm, yeah.

I'm hungry.

You think it's still good.

I don't know. Smell it.

Yeah?

Oh.

Is it good?

Oh, yeah, I think so.

Hey, mom, I got the Cole slaw.

Yeah, but you didn't get both kinds.

Okay, I didn't get both kinds. Jesus Christ.

Here, taste a little.

It looks very good.

Here, taste this before I eat it.

Is that good?

It's tangy.

I'm eating it anyway.

It's delicious.

Tammy and I decided we're going to get married.

Mm! Ooh! Oh! A wedding!

You know, normally I don't like cilantro, but I like this.

Mm.

That's wonderful.

You didn't ask me, but I approve.

That's great.

Thank you.

Is she going to be a Pfefferman?

I don't know. I'll have to ask her.

Well, I'm not going to take her name.

The only reason she wants to marry me is to get that name. [Laughing]

Hi.

Hi.

Hi, darling.

Hi.

Hi.

Who is that?

Nice to meet you. Hi. Colton.

Hi.

Hi.

What's your name?

Colton.

Coton?

No. Colton.

Col-ton.

Josh: With an L.

Shelly: With an L.

Colton.

Hi.

Hello.

Colton.

Weren't you here with Rita before?

Yes.

That's what I thought.

Uh.

Have a seat.

Thank you.

You hungry?

Um, sure.

Have some of this?

Uh, oh, uh, I don't really care for organ meat.

It's not organ meat. It's chopped liver.

Put some mustard on it. You'll like it.

Try it.

Oh.

Just taste it.

Do you like it?

It's really good.

Who is he?

Oh, uh...

Let me get some food in me first.

I usually do a prayer before every meal.

We're Jewish, man. We don't do that.

Um, okay.

Sarah: You're our guest.

If he wants to do it...

We're holding hands.

Come on.

Your hands are so big.

Um, ahem.

For this food and this day, these people...

Shelly: I knew she'd come back.

You see?

Come on, Ali.

Come on.

♪ Ali, Ali McNally ♪
♪ Ali, Ali McNally come on. ♪

Come sit by mommy. Come on.

Sarah: ♪ Ali, Ali ♪

Come on, hon.

She's coming. Come on, Al.

Come on.

It makes the prayer more powerful if we're all connected.

I thank you, heavenly father, for this food, this great day, these lovely people.

In Jesus' name we pray.

Maura: Oi gevalt.

♪ Heading out this morning ♪
♪ into the sun ♪
♪ Riding on a diamond wave ♪
♪ little darling one ♪
♪ Warm winds caress her ♪
♪ her lover, it seems ♪
♪ Oh, Annie ♪
♪ dreamboat Annie ♪
♪ little ship of dreams ♪