01x04 - Problems in Moral Philosophy

[bunniefuu]

What is going on here?

Honey, what is going on here?

Oh, God. OK.

Out, out, out...

To the floor. Move.

Please. Stop.

Give me back my baby.

[ BURGLAR ALARM SOUNDS ]

You!

What are you doing?

Mr Patel, I think your... Out, out of the way.

Look away.

Look away.

These thieving types.

Have they no brains?

Don't they see I have the latest electronic devices?

Movement sensors and very...

What? What did they take?

My new CCTV camera.

It's establishments like yours that are bringing in these burglar types.

Burglars? My salon?!

Idle fools with time on their hands who don't want to work for their living.

How else can they sit about in your chair full of chitchat?

As for you, why not just put up a sign...

"No 1 Riffraff Assembly Point"?

Where you get detectives, there you will find crime.

Out. Out. Out.

The No 1 Ladies Detective Agency dedicates itself to the righting of wrongs.

Me, too.

Bad hair leads to depression, sometimes to v*olence.

The world would benefit from a day at the hairdresser's.

Nonsense. Call the glass man and wait for him right here.

And, you, keep your villainous clients away from this building.

Mma Ramotswe and I are very close to cracking the mystery of the Kgale Hill break-ins.

Is this true?

A breakthrough is imminent.

A 500-pula reward if you flush out the felons.

Well... you'd better get cracking.

You raise expectation with no foundation.

That is not what I expect from an assistant detective.

Assistant detective?

Yes. As of this morning.

Then you need to tell the world.

Ha! A new look!

A waste of time and money.

I'll do it for no charge.

When I say stop, you stop.

Deal.

My husband has done a dreadful thing.

Men do terrible things.

All wives worry about their husbands.

But my husband... has done a VERY terrible thing.

What is this terrible thing?

He has a stolen car.

He has stolen a car? He has a stolen car.

He says a man gave it to him... that he had two Mercedes-Benzes and only wanted one.

What does he think, I'm stupid, eh?

He bought the car from this man?

The price is far too cheap.

It is a stolen car. I know it.

Terrible.

I was brought up honest and upright, in plain view of the Lord Almighty.

Do you want to go to the police?

Do you want to inform on your husband?No. I don't know what to do.

That is why I came to you.

First, we will need more bush tea.

Sat nav.

How can you get lost in Botswana? Botswana?

A car like mine with sat nav.

The world will be my oyster.

Open your appointment book and find me a slot.

You know this lady detective, yeah?

Mma Ramotswe. Your opinion of her?

She's an excellent detective. She says she can cr*ck the burglary problems at Kgale Hill.

Well, if that's what she says, then that's how it will be.

I detect more than mere acquaintance in your assessment.

You are smitten!

I found a space in the diary. Have you told her?

First I need to order the device. Mr Matekoni.

She turned me down, Mr Patel.

Is there then some other suitor?

As far as I know, none.

Before I met her, I was resigned to loneliness.

Now, I cannot be happy without her.

Press your case.

My wife was very disinclined to marry a shopkeeper.

My campaign was targeted and effective.

Show drive.

Show ambition.

Sat navs.

Hi-tech equipment. A white coat instead of a blue overall.

Get rid of this oil and grease.

Move into the modern age.

A white...?One step at a time.

First, my sat nav.

Steal it? And return it to its rightful owner.

I realise it is unorthodox, but in the circumstances...

Then the Lord will know it is back where it belongs.

Amen. He will, indeed.

Mma, I'm glad I came to you.

I feel I'm in capable hands, Mma.

Your assistant detective reporting for duty.

Cha...!

I misjudged BK.

He is truly an artist.

A philosopher, all of a sudden.

You know, sometimes the most important w*apon in our armoury is our inconspicuousness.

Inconspicuousness. Eh, Mma.

It's not the first word that comes into my mind when I look at you.

You look very nice.

People say if at first you don't succeed...

People say, if at first you don't succeed... Rra Matekoni. Mma.

Talking to cars. Yeah.

Yes. As you can see, the engineer's refused me... has refused to respond... to my...

Where do stolen cars come from? Stolen?

No. Not this one.

From across the border.

They steal them in South Africa, bring them over here, respray them, file off the original serial number and sell them, or send them up to Zimbabwe.

Payment must be in US dollars, of course, with the Zimbabwean economy.

I need to know how to identify the car, after all those things have taken place.

Stolen cars always bring trouble.

You cannot help me?There are ways.

It's hard to erase a car's identity.

So?The numbers are concealed in a variety of places.

Places you know?

There is... one approach we could adopt.

It's a hi-tech approach.

And you have hi-tech equipment?

Rra?Yes.

You have your gadget?

So?

Here we go.

No time like the present.

[ MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ HE SWITCHES IT OFF ]

[ DOG BARKS ]

I wish I had never bought you.

Wretched dog. You're rubbish.

You remain very cool under pressure.

That's because of my drive to succeed.

[ ENGINE HAS TROUBLE STARTING ]

Time to scrap this antique thing replace it with something modern.

Did you get the number?

[ ENGINE STARTS FIRST TIME ]

Oh! Oh! Oh!

This is flashing.

I don't know.

Back, forward, record.

I'm not convinced these machines increase revenue.

The one you persuaded me to put in my house has never recorded a single call.

Is it switched on?

This one is "play".

"I apologise. I dialled the wrong number. (BEEP)"

I will continue with my reading.

Mma. This is a small agency.

I do not make big profits.

But now there are two of us to tackle the work, things can only get better.

We must hope so, but... in the meantime... Mma?

I cannot afford to employ both a secretary and an assistant detective.

I am still just a secretary?

You are an assistant private detective, who does the typing.

I will do all the things I used to do but I will do more as well.

I will have clients.

But I will decide which ones.

You will, perhaps, start with small matters... and work up.

I would not want to run before I could walk.

Many young people want to start at the top, with a lot of money and a big German car.

That is not wise. These cars have not been good for Africa.

If there is a place without these big German cars, that would be a good place.

You will still make the tea?

I'm not a man who usually comes to private detectives.

There is no shame in asking for help, Rra.

It is the strong ones who ask. The weak are too ashamed.

Every night I wake in the quiet hours and I cannot get this one thought out of my head.

My shop is on the Potete Road, near the corner with the tuck shop.

It does quite well, but I do not have much money to spare.

But my wife does not mind.

She's very good at making ends meet.

She always looks a million dollars.

We have one child, a boy of ten.

I'm very proud of my son, but he was not doing so well before.

My wife said he needed to go to Thornhill School... that they would push him and make him write neatly.

We could not afford it.

My wife said there was a charity that would pay.

I said, if there was such a charity, everybody would go to it.

But every term, his fees are paid... and my son is flourishing.

You must be wondering what this man has to worry about.

He has a fashionable wife, a clever son and a butchery of his own.

I suspect my wife is seeing another man.

Every night, I lie awake and it gnaws at my stomach like a hungry animal.

I cannot find peace until I know if I'm right.

Dumela.

Rra.

Every day the same.

What was that, Rra?Nothing.

You're not hungry?

I'm not hungry.

Please wake me at quarter to two.

Fish... good for thinking.

Thank you, Mma.

So, our working supposition is that Rra Badule is right.

His wife is indeed having an affair.

I'd very much like to think it wasn't so.

He is a good man.

Very often the client will know the truth.

They simply want it confirmed.

He deserves better. He does.

But remember, Mma, for every cheating wife in Botswana, there are 550 cheating husbands.

Ow, shameful statistic. 550 to one.

Only one way to see if he's right.

You must follow her and see where she goes.

Follow her.

Me?

Mma Makutsi, case number one.

Forget the fish.

This calls for cake.

I will ask my uncle to drive me in pursuit of Mma Badule.

He is an experienced chauffeur.

Good afternoon. I would like to speak to Sergeant William Pilani of the South African Police, please.

I will do that.

She wishes me to bear with her.

I will phone my uncle, once you have borne with her.

Billy, there is something I need you to do.

Hey. Hey!

Your hours are nine till five.

And happy hour is from five until six.

You can't be happy without a beer in your hand, eh?

Do you know who we always see, boss, at the Go-Go Handsome Mens Bar?

The cook from that cafe at Kgale Hill.

And what about it?

If you were to come with us, then she would tell Mma Ramotswe.

She would tell how she saw you chatting to beautiful girls.

And Mma Ramotswe...

BOTH: .. would be very jealous.

Why would I want Mma Ramotswe to be jealous?

You boys go ahead.

Boss, relax.

Relax. Relax.

There she is.

Look out, boss.

Update on the crimewave, Mma?

Oh, pressure of work has been too intense.

Business is booming, then.

Eh, Rra. And yours?

Very much so.

Is there something else?

I want you to come to my house tonight.

7.15 sharp.

JLB. Is a good name.

Initials are mysterious.

I do not want you ever to tell me what they stand for.

Will you promise never to tell me?

OK. OK.

You are the strong, silent type. That is clear.

Something ruthless about you, JLB.

Is he ruthless, Charlie, your boss?

He's a k*ller. I knew it.

I love a ruthless man. I bet you do not say a dozen words a day.

And then, only words like "action", "right now", "do as I say".

Not a word wasted.

Dance floor.

I am going to dance with my mystery man.

[ BUZZER ]

"Yes?"

Mma Ramotswe for Mr...

Mma Ramotswe.

What can I get you? Tea? A cold drink?

I'm fine, thank you, Mr Patel.

I have heard very good things about you from Rra Matekoni.

He's a great admirer.

Please sit down.

Nandira is at her tutor for the next two hours, so we can speak quite freely.

I have reason to believe she's seeing a boy, at 16.

Have you asked her?

When she's 20 and her education is complete, I will arrange a good match for her.

These plans do not include fraternising with boys of her own choosing while still a schoolgirl.

These are modern times, Mr Patel.

Are you sure it's a good idea for a parent to spy on his children?

You have no children of your own?

A childless woman must take the word of one who knows better.

You want me to find out if she's seeing a boy?

And I want to know who the boy is.

Do you have a picture of Nandira?

Those are my twins.

Both now married to fine men working for me. My son.

An orthodontist in Durban.

He shortens his name from Patel to Pate.

But there we are.

We can't help that.

Nandira.

My youngest.

The final piece of the jigsaw.

My first assignment.

Surveillance and close pursuit.

What? Drug dealers?

Black market weapons? Counterfeiters?A cheating wife.

A statistical anomaly.

I'm waiting for my uncle. He has volunteered to be my driver for the day.

Well, watch out, all adulterers.

Mma Makutsi and her uncle will track you down.

Woo! Eh-eh! She will think she's being followed by Robert Mugabe.

How can I go somewhere in this? It is my first assignment.

I brought you my best car. It's the best I have. It is surveillance. I am supposed to be hidden.

I'm going now. You may as well have come in an aeroplane.

Where are you going?

Doughnuts and coffee, like real detectives.

Or at least bush tea and mopani worms.

That must be the boy.

Off to Thornhill.

[ SHUTTER CLICKS ]

0705. Boy in uniform.

Probably going to school.

0706. School bus arrives.

I've seen this in so many films. At first, nothing happens.

And then suddenly, all hell breaks loose.

sh**ting, shouting, bangs and crashing.

That is Rra Badule.

Boiling over with anger and resentment.

[ SHUTTER CLICKS ]

0707.

Butcher Badule... goes... to... work.

0934.

Customers enter shop.

Then leave, carrying parcels. Probably meat.

You have missed nothing.

Am I getting on your nerves?

Yes. Good. Mismatched partners is a must.

All movies have it.

It is only the lady we are interested in, not the customers, or the traffic, or the mealie stalls.

That lady?

Follow her.

Hey. That is my old teacher.

Don't let her see you. She's still alive.

She will want to talk.

BK goat meat. Woo!

Goat meat?

Dumela, Mma.

Is this your wife?

Not yet. We are late for our wedding.

Ahh! Go.

Goat meat, getting married?

Now she'll tell everyone that I'm getting married.

This would not have happened with my uncle.

And you'd have never told your uncle's teacher you were getting married to your uncle.

There she is.

Now what?

We wait.

We wait.

Precious Ramotswe.

Billy Pilani!

You haven't changed. But now if you eat my cake...

I can arrest you.

You're very kind.

Very nice.

I don't have much time. Did you trace the car?I did.

And was it stolen?Carjacked.

So I'm glad that you bring me a lead.

There's no arrest for you in this, Billy.

Only the satisfaction of seeing something back in its rightful place.

And you wonder why carjacking is so rife here in South Africa?

My client is the wife of the man who bought the car. I promised her anonymity.

Conspiracy of silence. That is what breeds crime.

I cannot go back on my word.

Pity. It is a bad case.

The thieves drove off with the owner's child still in the back seat.

Too terrified to make a sound.

Oh.

And how much does she want for the car?Nothing.

Well, the insurance company have already paid out, but they would like very much to have their vehicle back.

That is where they will find it.

Tell them to bring the original numberplates.

And the child?

Dumped in the road.

Alive?

Alive.

Way back in school days, I always knew that you would be someone... but you didn't think the same of me.

I do now.

1302. Agent Makutsi makes a move.

Wait here. I'll talk to the maids and find out what's going on.

Careful. It may be dangerous. Maids are seldom dangerous.

There's a first time. I'll keep the engine running.

1303. Prepare vehicle for quick getaway.

Koko.

Dumela.

Dumela, Mma. Are you looking for work, because it is all taken.

I want to find out about the woman who came to this house an hour ago.

You want to find out what?

She scratched my car with hers, but drove away when I tried to talk to her.

Is this where she lives?

No, Mma, she does not live here.

This is where she comes to rest. This is where she comes to lie down.

She must work very hard because she's always needing a lie-down.

Whose house is this?It is the house of a man who is also so very often tired and always in need of a lie-down. A man with a wife in the country and a wife in the city, who'll always be tired.

Does the country wife know about the town wife?

This man pays us high wages to be discreet. Why do you want to know?

I was just curious.

You have asked a lot of questions.

She bumped my car.

Bumped it. Or scratched it?

Before, you said she scratched it.

She bumped it. Where is this car? I don't see a car.

It is just around the corner there.

You must swear that you will say nothing. I mean nothing about what we told you.

We will lose our jobs. Who's there?

Who are you looking at?She is going to betray us. I can feel it.

Ow.

Stop.

Go. Go.

What a team!

Did you get everything you needed?

Chapter... and verse. And left them in the dust. Ha ha!

[ CAR RADIO PLAYS LOUDLY ]

[ ENGINE STARTS TO FAIL ]

[ ENGINE BANGS ]

Thank you.

Throw that one away.

Remember to remove the sat nav from the vehicle when you park in a public place otherwise you will have it stolen. My car alarm is very loud.

And Africa is very big.

"Please enter your destination."

Ah, quite a sexy voice.

By the way, have you reasserted your case with Mma Ramotswe?

Has she seen the modernisations you have instituted?

Hello. Mma Ramotswe. We are in here.

Mr Matekoni's just putting the finishing touches to a very complex piece of modern technology.

"Drive west along Tlokweng Road."

Excuse me, I must just use the little boys' room.

I'm sorry to bother you when you are busy, but my van has expired.

It got me to Mafikeng and back. You were across the border.

The car you helped me with was stolen in a carjacking over there. Stolen cars, Mma, eh?

Rra Matekoni, just because a case has awkward aspects, it's not always a reason to steer clear of it.

Her van has expired.

Then I will drive you home with a little help from my sat nav.

Now, what is the news on my daughter?

She was in school all day and then she walked home with friends.

Maybe she will slip out again tonight.

Tonight, I'm not working. I'm very tired and my van has broken down.

But tonight may be the night. Mr Patel, my daddy trusted me.

He did not feel the need to follow me.

And you ended up married to Note Mokoti.

"Please enter your destination."

You should fit your daughter with one of these, then you will know where she's going.

If I did that, I would have no need of you.

You will stick with the case after your night off?

I will. And I will make no mention of the Kgale Hill break-ins.

JLB is quite a mover.

Mma, I must talk to you.

You've changed your hair, I see.

There are people after me. I have altered my appearance.

And your glasses. I can touch type.

I don't need them.

Mma, I'm in a terrible dilemma.

It is the Badule case.

If I tell the client what I have discovered...

(1) Rra Badule will be heartbroken. (1)(b)...

Mma, can we not discuss this over a cup of bush tea?

I cannot make tea without my glasses. And where are your glasses?

I cannot find them.

Now...

(1)(b), his son's education will be disrupted and probably terminated once the truth is out.

And (2), the maids will lose their jobs and their families will be made destitute.

I don't know what to do for the best.

Tell him a lie or honour the contract and tell him the facts, whatever the consequences.

My 97% did not prepare me for these sorts of questions, Mma.

First, it is unethical for a detective to lie to a client.

But what if the client...?

Dumela, Mma.

Dumela, Mma. Thank you for coming.

Everything's arranged.

I just need the keys. I will leave them in the pot with the pink flower under the ficus tree.

I'll make sure my husband has drunk some beer. I will be there at seven.

Mma Ramotswe...

You think I'm foolish to worry about this thing, the stolen car, when there's so many stolen cars.

Not at all. I think you're right.

I think it's a very important thing you are doing. (SPEAKS SETSWANA)

OK. Tell me the whole story, from start to finish.

I was so excited to start my first undercover case.

I called my foolish uncle, Robert Mugabe, as if he were riding around with a banana on his head.

BK offered to give me a ride... and a very annoying notebook... the woman has come out of the house... always lying down... scratched... I walked up to her... and I ran... suspicious... she pounced... and grabbed... screeched.... just like an action movie... and... and I don't know what to do.

It is the boy.

The boy is the nub of the problem.

The adults can take care of themselves. Take a look at these photos.

What do you notice?

The boy... has the rich man's nose.

When he is older and his education is complete, he can wonder about who is who and who has who's nose, but for now, he needs protecting. You are right.

We must be very careful how we present our findings to Rra Badule.

I may have to convince him to be happy with his lot.

That would not be easy.

JLB.

Is it that time already?

It is. I have your van, too.

We were just discussing a case.

A very difficult case.

[ PHONE RINGS ]

No 1 La...

Rra Badule.

Rra...

We have been looking into...

Yes.

It's him. The butcher man.

Tell him to come in tomorrow.

Can you come in tomorrow to talk with Mma Ramotswe?

That would be best.

Thank you.

Boroko.

I heard you were out drinking at the Go-Go Handsome Mens Bar.

Having a very good time, is what I heard.

It just so happened that I didn't have any favours to do for YOU that evening.

I hope you don't mind me taking the night off.

I will deduct it from your pay.

I would prefer if you let me do this.

Thank you, Rra, but it is my job, not yours.

[ DOG WHINES ]

Hurry up with that food. You know I need to go out.

Hey.

Just bring another beer. Come and get it. That's your job.

I can't keep a dog and bark myself.

[ DOG BARKS ]

What is the problem with that dog?

It's just the children in the street.

Children?!

One more bark and I'm going to come out and kick you. Quiet, dog. Quiet. Quiet.

Hush, doggy, hush.

Good boy. Good boy. Good boy.

Lie down. Good boy. Good boy.

[ SHE TURNS MUSIC UP LOUD ]

It is not often we get one back.

It was team work, not just me.

Eh, Rra.

I cannot wait until tomorrow.

I can not go through another night of not knowing. You must tell me what you know, right now.

Mma Ramotswe is not here.

She cannot speak to you until tomorrow. Then you must tell me.

I will not move till you tell me.

I will not move from here.

Who has taken it?

Who has taken it?

Who has taken my beautiful car?

Rra, call the police. They're getting away.

I know. It is one of these low-life neighbours.

Come out and show your face.

Come out. Now.

Look.

My baby!

Have you changed your mind about scrapping it?

If it can be fixed, I'll fix it.

Did you bring your hi-tech machine?

[ MUSIC PLAYS ]

[ ROMANTIC TUNE PLAYS ]

[ ENGINE STARTS FIRST TIME ]

Oh!I cannot think of anyone else who could have done this.

And I cannot think of anyone else who WOULD have done this.

[ HORN BEEPS ]

Mma, you said before...

[ SHE REVS ENGINE ]

you said just because something is difficult, that does not mean that you should not...

Forgive me, Rra. What did you say?

I asked you once before.

And I would like to ask you one more time.

[ CRASH ]

Mma, you must tell me what I need to know.

You were right. Your wife is having an affair.

Tell me who.

I'll take my cleaver to him.

There is no need for that. I'll be the judge of that.

She is not doing it for herself. She...

She is doing it for the boy.

Your wife has no feelings for this rich man. She thinks he's a fool.

She is thinking only of the boy's prospects... of his future.

Yes. She's putting him first.

My son.

Like a mother should.

She loves him so much she would do that. Yes.

Then after, we'll be together again.

Like before.

That may well be.

[ CAR DRIVES OFF ]

Every day, our work brings us marriages of deception and compromise and convenience.

Perhaps now, I've added to that.

I'm sorry, Mma.

I could not think of what to say.

It was a difficult case.

Mma, you said it was unethical to lie to a client.

I did not lie to Rra Badule, Mma.

I interpreted the evidence for him.

He's a man.

Yes.

Best to keep it simple.

The No 1 Ladies Detective Agency is not a court of law.

It is a forum for moral arbitration.

Rra Badule knew the truth before he came to us.

What he was looking for was a way to live with it.

And you were preventing m*rder and heartbreak.

It would be cruel to take away all hope at such a difficult time in a man's life.

Mma Makutsi, would you like a lift home?

Eh, Rra.

I will get my jacket.

You were going to say something, Rra, before all the commotion.

It's not important.

Are you sure?Yeah.

Perhaps another time.

Perhaps.

It is quite hard being Gaborone's best proper detective.

You have taken a case that was rightly mine and now I have taken one back.

The Miss Beauty and Integrity Contest.

I know how men react to low marks and high hemlines.

If the woman a man wants for his wife will not look at him twice, then what?

We're not married.

Yes, Mma.

You got lucky with Patel, Mma, but luck can run out, just like that.