01x12 - Thirty Nine Graves

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "The Magicians"...

What does that mean?

Jesus, we could not have screwed up that spell worse, and we can't take it back.

It's just you showed up with that sigil on your hand.

It appeared when I was dreaming of Fillory.

It came from Jane.

Who are you?

I'm a member of The Order, the keepers of the libraries of the Neitherlands.

Any idea who the m*therf*ckers in the hoods are, trying to k*ll me?

They've been thoroughly cursed, so they can't use the fountains, but that hasn't stopped them from finding other employment.

The Beast?

We are the best Magicians we know, but Menolly is dying.

Bender's trying to stay off the ledge every day.

And you?

Eight years ago, I was a drug addict, and I left my son in a hot car.

We're not learning anything new.

Beast always kills us.

There was one time we didn't all die-- when we went to Fillory.

Point is, we need some serious battle magic.

Bottling our emotions...

When the feelings come back, it's extremely intense.

[giggling]

[all laughing]

Near the bridge, there's a man who has served me a thousand years.

Bring him three gifts. He'll show you the way.

[horn blaring and sirens wailing]

[eerie music]

[elevator dings]

[rap music]

[man rapping in Spanish]

Huh. Not what I expected.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Die, fucker!

[shouting in Spanish]

♪ ♪

Well, that sucked ass.

Julia, Kady!

Finally. Bienvenidas.

Are we interrupting or--

Oh, no, no, no. Just passing the time.

So...

Uh, yeah, um...

We bring forsythia...

Mm-hmm.

And honeycomb.

Hmm.

Hmm-hmm-hmm.

Muy bien, chicas.

Muy bien.

Two down.

Where's the platinum?

We didn't bring that.

Too bad. Exit through the gift shop.

But we did bring something of great and shining worth.

Just say it.

If you're wrong, you're wrong.

We brought you our faith.

Ooh.

Ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh-ooh.

Tricky, tricky, tricky, tricky.

I like it.

But to be honest, I'm sensing more skepticism than faith here.

[chuckles]

Look, um, I'm trying.

She's the one that had the dream, okay?

Hey.

Kady, your mother used your faith, but she isn't your true mother.

Our Lady feels you require a miracle.

[inhales deeply]

[exhales sharply]

[gasps]

[panting]

Oh, my God.

Wha--what ha--

What did he do?

I don't-- I don't know.

I've had this tightness ever since my mom, but it's gone.

Ah, there it is.

Faith.

Okay, so...

[clears throat]

Let's get to brass.

You're here why?

We seek an audience with Our Lady Underground.

Yeah, no sh*t.

Why do you think you deserve to see her?

Hmm?

It's okay.

Why should she waste her time with you?

I am privileged, and I have done some stupid sh*t, and I have been through nothing compared to some of my friends.

So you wish to help them?

Heal them? Is that it?

Yes, that is exactly what I want to do.

No.

No, no, no.

[clicking tongue]

Magicians... that's all you ever want, power, every time.

You know what?

For the longest time, that is all I wanted.

But now I just want to do whatever the f*ck it is I'm supposed to.

And if she's around, if she gives a sh*t, I have to believe she wants her daughters to show a little ambition.

So you tell her that I am trying to reach something higher.

Nuestra Señora sits and waits, and no one asks.

She watches.

She weeps.

But today, she's grinning like a fool.

Here's the invocation.

May her blessings be with you.

Thank you.

And one more piece of advice for the chosen.

You can't unring a bell, so be certain when you call, Julia.

Okay.

Look...

All y'all look like you did a crime last night.

[pensive music]

♪ ♪

According to all the probability sh*t, we don't have time to wait.

One or another super shitty ending is coming within days if we don't at least try to go get the Kn*fe.

So...

Oh, God.

The Neitherlands is Grand Central for the multiverse.

The button will bring you in, and once you're there--

Yes, the fountains are portals.

Can I say this?

For your interest?

As far as I know, you don't need a button or anything to ride the fountains, so don't fall in.

Don't get lost.

The whole place is crawling with battle magic m*therf*ckers with hoods on.

We get separated, you're dead.

Seriously, what the f*ck is going on with you people?

[pensive music]

♪ ♪

Nothing. We're fine, aren't we, El?

We're phenomenal.

Fine, okay. We're not okay.

Forget it. We just need to--

We're going to--

It's over!

I need a minute.

Alice is just a little bit sensitive right now.

Would you just shut the f*ck up, Margo?

Are you seriously mad at me right now?

What the f*ck did I just walk into?

My life. Welcome.

It's not funny, and it's not a joke.

But it truly is, Quentin.

You people need to stow your sh*t!

We get it! Would you just, please, give us a g*dd*mn minute?

♪ I just want to dance all over the room ♪
♪ All I wanted to do, all I wanted to do ♪
♪ Just celebrate ♪
♪ Party with my friends or all by myself ♪

How you doing?

Come on.

Stop worrying.

Fine.

So the hermit was creepy.

Super creepy.

You didn't feel what I felt.

I don't know. Whatever he was channeling, it was the real deal.

She's just nervous.

There's always some creepy guy when you're about to blow the patriarchy's head out of their ass.

[all laughing]

Everything is, um, about to change... everything, finally.

♪ All I wanted to do ♪

Yeah.

Cheers.

♪ Just celebrate ♪

[pounding on door]

What?

Okay, you are the least crazy.

Tell me what's going on.

It--nothing. Just forget it.

What the hell are you drinking?

I don't know.

Triple sec?

What did Quentin do?

I don't want to talk about it.

Fair enough.

Can I get some?

It's good.

It's not good.

No, it's not good.

Yeah.

Let you in on a little secret, though.

I used to drink Midori in high school.

It's like melon crossed with perfume crossed with ass.

Yum.

f*ck did I know?

I was trying to get the voices to go away.

Point is, I'm not judging anyone for triple sec.

And... [chuckles]

I can tell when someone's trying to make something go away.

So Midori, hmm?

Does it work?

Nothing works forever.

But, you know, if you stop worrying about forever, there's plenty of sh*t that can get you through the next hour.

[laughter and indistinct chatter]

[relaxed music]

♪ ♪

Is what he said still bugging you?

He looked at me like he could see through me.

And Kady doesn't seem to share your reservation.

She seems better.

Yeah.

I don't know why I feel this way.

Our Lady came to me in a dream.

Shouldn't that remove all doubt?

Look, something like this is about intention, what we bring into it.

Our intentions are pure.

So just stop worrying?

Yeah.

Just like... [snaps fingers]

For now.

Tomorrow you can worry all you want about Our Lady Underground.

Tonight... tonight should be about Dionysus.

Whoo, ooh.

[laughs] Dionysus, okay.

You, uh... you bang a lot of undergrads with that one?

Fewer than I'd hoped.

[both chuckle]

[gentle piano music]

♪ ♪

Hmm?

Say it works.

And that means what for you?

You asking if I'm coming back?

Kind of, yeah.

I hadn't much planned for it really.

I just want to get there, and I'll stay or go somewhere quiet.

If Our Lady has other plans, hmm, I'll do that.

I'll miss you.

I'll miss you too.

To think you were so crabby in rehab, we almost never spoke.

[both chuckle]

Hey.

God, you are really something, Julia.

I bet you say that to all the girls you slept with three minutes ago.

That's funny.

Hmm.

But I mean it. I do.

That bite, that-- that thing in you that wants to puzzle everything out, that is gold.

No matter how crabby it makes me?

I think especially when it makes you crabby.

I think that us angry, questioning people sometimes shut up too fast, and that is probably part of why the gods took off.

No one around with the fire to keep yelling their names.

This is gonna sound corny, but don't lose that fire.

Well, it sounds like you're saying good-bye.

I'm saying thank you.

So this is a little hitch in our adventure.

Are we just gonna act like children now?

Now, now, Bambi. He's got a right to be mad.

No, he doesn't.

People don't get to be mad at me because I had sex with them.

You're welcome, both of you.

Oh, come on.

We were all messed up on emotion magic.

We deserve a pass.

I don't need a pass.

You two have ruined my life.

No offense, Quentin, but I think you did that all yourself.

Can we just cut to the part where we go to another world and skip the whole guilt and recriminations bit, please?

You would like that, wouldn't you?

Is it wrong that I'm starting to side with The Beast?

[moans]

[moaning]

Mmm.

[moaning]

Ah! Ah.

f*ck. [moaning]

[both moaning]

[pensive music]

♪ ♪

All right. [exhales]

♪ ♪

[footsteps thudding]

Didn't think you had that in you.

You don't get to shame me.

You slept with two other people. We broke up.

I was out of my mind.

I made a mistake, and you aimed a w*apon.

I'm glad it hurt. It should hurt.

Boys and girls, I hate to cut into what is clearly a moment, but the fact is, according to the best and only magic we have, we have to go or The Beast will k*ll us.

End of story.

Take out your emotions.

You can fight later.

Sound good?

All right, if you guys are using those emotion bottles, let's go.

[all chanting together in Japanese]

[all groaning]

[speaking Japanese]

[gasps]

How I was feeling about Quentin would have got us all k*lled.

I was very angry a moment ago, but I have to be honest.

You two would make a cute couple.

[scoffs]

Join hands, everyone.

[water splashing]

Let's move, fast.

The map says--

Got it.

Quentin?

We've been waiting.

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪

Run!

♪ ♪

[grunts]

sh*t.

***

How'd you find this place?

Got lucky last time.

Quentin had the map.

sh*t.

No map, evil mercenary assholes everywhere, stuck in a library-- this is not how we decided this would go.

Penny, you know this place.

There must be somebody we can talk to.

Yeah, there might be.

Follow me.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

Penny, Alice, Eliot, and Janet, you are all late.

Actually, it's Margo.

This time.

Look, we need your help, though you probably already knew that.

I did.

The answer is yes, you can stay, with a few caveats.

Here it comes.

One, no harm comes to the books.

Yeah, we get that.

Two, no food, drinks, or any other intoxicants are allowed in the library at any time.

That includes emotion bottles.

Damage always ensues.

[glass shattering]

[all inhale and groan]

You understand, of course.

[all groaning and moaning]

I planned my whole outfit around that bottle!

[indistinct chatter]

Could you get to the point, Quentin?

I have a trustees meeting.

You know something about what's been happening here--

The Beast, Eliza.

I would like to know what is really going on here.

I know you would, but we are done.

How did you lose your virginity?

I was 24 years old.

I was too embarrassed to tell anyone.

She was considerably older than I and, oh, much, much more experienced.

But...

f*ck!

You've managed to dose me, haven't you?

In my tea. You little sh*t.

Truth serum is toxic, Quentin, and banned.

And if you were going to throw magic at me, you would have done so already, but you haven't.

Eliza... who is she?

Eliza's real name is Jane Chatwin.

Oh...

I was kind of poking around in the dark with that one.

Uh...

Okay, what does Jane have to do with The Beast?

Do you remember the gift that Jane was given in the book "The Girl Who Told Time"?

Uh, yeah, Ember gave her a watch and a locket.

Ember gave her the ability to f*ck with time on a cosmic scale, and Jane used it to create a time loop.

When she'd fail to stop The Beast, she'd restart the loop.

A time loop.

Okay.

Uh...

So what do we have to do with The Beast?

You just keep getting involved.

I don't keep doing anything.

Can you imagine, Quentin, how many times we've had this exact conversation?

You've managed to slip truth serum to me 27 times, 27 ways, and I'm quite sick of it.

So, what, this is just some giant, blood-soaked "Groundhog Day"?

You always bring up that f*cking movie.

I still haven't seen it.

[chuckles]

Now it's a point of pride.

Answer my question.

In each loop, Jane alters something to see if it'll change the outcome.

The sigil that appeared on your hand, brought you to Alice-- that was Jane trying to get the ball rolling, trying to get you all together, working fast, and we all know how well that particular great idea worked out, don't we?

So has anything actually helped?

So far, all the loops end in your death.

How many times have I d*ed?

39.

39 times.

And if you die a 40th, at least I won't have to hear you ask me this question ever again.

Jane's dead, Quentin.

The loop's done.

There's no one to reset it.

So this is it?

This isn't my problem.

My problem is that I'm strong enough to discern a time loop but not strong enough to change it.

We better hope and pray that Jane altered the right thing this time around.

Anything else, Quentin?

What's different this time?

Please, no books on the floor.

I love this one.

Photos from places I can't imagine.

I know you hate it now, but travelers wrote our most precious books.

The library is what it is because of them.

You make it sound so simple and fun.

No.

But it is valuable.

And in my observation, master travelers have a fantastic time doing it.

I was looking for any technical info that would get me anywhere close to mastery, but--

The books you seek are in another branch.

Of course they are.

Look, could you-- could you expedite that sh*t?

I don't have much time, and I really need to know how to take people with me.

I'll put in a request.

Why am I not feeling optimistic?

Probably because Franz Kafka wrote "The Trial" after spending a week in the library.

But, Penny, if you can survive long enough, you will get a handle on it.

I promise.

If?

Say that in my book?

No spoilers.

[eerie music]

♪ ♪

[knock at door]

Hi.

I was at Brakebills.

You were supposed to be.

Or you were, like, 39 times.

You were the thing they changed.

Jane thought, you know, cast you out in the cold, and you would get stronger, and--

So I was right.

The whole time, I was right.

I don't know what to say, Jules. I...

I should have believed you, Jules.

I should have known, and I'm--I'm...

Um...

Look, that doesn't make up for what I did to you, which was stupid and vindictive and really dangerous.

I'm so sorry, Q.

Thank you.

So how do we fix it?

I don't know.

I just know that I'm gonna get k*lled soon, and I don't really want to die being mad at my oldest friend.

I really f*cking missed you.

Yeah, me, too, actually.

You smell the same.

Okay, all right.

Uh... [clears throat]

So... [sighs]

Big conspiracy.

Wheels within wheels.

Julia doesn't go to Brakebills, and?

You're taking this a lot better than I would have.

It's because there is bigger, better magic in the world.

I mean, you would not believe some of the sh*t I've seen.

I can barely believe it.

Wha--what?

Some friends and I got into some pretty eclectic sh*t.

You and Kady?

Where is she?

On a mission.

They all are.

They got pretty strict marching orders.

From?

A goddess.

We summoned, and she came.

You mean, um, here?

To your loft?

You don't believe me. sh*t, I wouldn't either.

That is why she gave me proof.

Is that milk?

Yeah.

Cool, useless, kind of gross.

But look under the hood.

Oh, my God.

Who did this magic?

I told you. She did.

I mean, it was crazy.

It was like being on a massive dose of ecstasy.

When she touched me, it was like my psyche was defragging.

I mean, she-- she touched all of us.

She granted every petition.

She cured Menolly's breast cancer; she sent Richard to where he wanted to go.

I watched this.

I thought magic couldn't cure cancer.

Not regular magic.

Look, I can't lie, okay?

It was shitty going for a while there, not being in Brakebills, but I can't sit here now and think it was anything but fate.

Right, or just the right random combination.

Okay, suit yourself, nihilist.

I need your help.

I don't know how to get back, and, um, my friends, we got separated, and I just--I can't let them fight The Beast on their own, and I have to find a way, um--

Let me get this straight.

You want me to come to Fillory with you.

Uh, yeah.

Come here.

Holy sh*t. This is our table.

Kind of been planning this trip since we were nine.

We kind of have, huh?

Our Lady gave me a mission to--

I sound like a nutjob.

Kind of.

[chuckles]

What's the mission?

She said it was my destiny to basically find a whole new kind of magic.

You know, she said it was something that couldn't be given.

It had to be found.

So we have to find it.

And I bet you it's here.

So I guess we're off to see the Wizard.

Have you given any thought to how we're gonna get there?

Start of the London Blitz, 1940, and then their mom dies, 1941.

Q, where are you going with this?

Okay, so we can't just open a door to Fillory, but we do know when they open-- every time the Chatwins go.

So if we could just find a way to get there, then we could follow 'em in.

Uh...

Look, all I know is time magic is apparently a thing, a thing that's been dicking with us for the past 39 lifetimes.

So I say we find a way to make it work for us.

Wait, but that would put us in past Fillory, right?

Fillory is magic.

Remember, Jane falls in that swamp, and then she comes out 20 years later.

She strikes a deal with the Watcherwoman to send her back.

Once you're there, there's always a way.

I have an idea, something Richard told me, but we have to go somewhere to get it.

Brakebills.

Okay.

Uh, you just have to be a registered student in order to get through the wards.

Alumni key.

Richard gave it to me.

This place is impossible.

How does anyone find anything?

There's a whole wing on cat paintings.

What have you got? Anything?

"The Book of Mike McCormick."

Novella, really.

He was actually a Republican. Can you believe it?

But the worst part?

His life was happy.

Eliot, he's gone.

Why are you torturing yourself?

Because he's gone and it's my fault.

And of all the people in the world who don't understand, somehow you top the list.

What are you doing?

Putting the past behind me.

[gasps] No, stop!

Look, he's had a really bad week.

We'll pay the fine, whatever.

Nope, no, you are banished from the library forever.

It's one book.

No, it's a life.

They're irreplaceable.

No, wait!

What did you do?

Let's go.

"Bridge to ancient Rome."

"Bridge to the Cretaceous period."

Oh, hey, here's one.

"Southampton, England, 1912"?

[laughs] Voyage of the "Titanic."

Oh, fun.

So we're pretty sure these things only go to one specific point in time and--

Once you log a date in, you're locked.

I mean, they use some tiny piece of an incredibly rare element.

All got used up by the '70s.

Wait a minute.

Wait. Here's a thesis.

A bunch of students wanted to go back and k*ll h*tler.

"Operation Die Fuehrer." [scoffs]

Guess no one told 'em h*tler was a pretty serious battle Magician?

Yeah.

Uh, yep, and h*tler k*lled them.

Wait, what's the date on the time bridge?

Uh, it's April 19, 1942.

April 19th.

Yeah.

You remember the, uh-- yeah, "The Flying Forest."

Yeah, uh, Jane's going into town.

She's looking for a present for Martin.

April 21, 1942.

Two days after this time bridge.

Holy sh*t, Q, this could work.

I never thought I'd say it, but thank God for h*tler.

Yeah, no, that still sounds bad.

Yeah.

Earth fountain's blocked off.

I told you it would be.

It was worth a sh*t.

I mean, what else are we gonna do?

I don't know. How about not get us kicked out of the library in the first place?

All right, let's keep moving.

Hey. Don't walk one more step.

We're highly trained Earth magicians.

Hold up. Hold up. You guys are from Brakebills?

Dude, Josh Hoberman, class of '16.

Come with me if you want to live.

I've always wanted to say that.

[chuckles]

But seriously, um, we should go.

[dramatic music]

Welcome to ***.

You're welcome to whatever.

Just don't eat the carrots.

They're totally psychedelic for some reason.

Circumstances in the Neitherlands are super weird.

Holy sh*t.

This tastes like pizza.

Yeah, I know, right?

How long have you been down here?

A few weeks.

Just been camped out, waiting to see if anyone else will show up.

Anyone else?

From my class.

Look, don't freak, but back at Brakebills, nobody knows what happened to you guys.

And it's sort of been two years.

Oh, sh*t. Right, the whole time thing.

Victoria warned me about that.

Victoria? You know her?

She's the only reason I'm alive.

Look are you gonna tell us what the f*ck happened to your class, or what?

Where'd you guys go?

To Fillory for spring break.

V's amazing.

I mean, she literally blips around the universe, fearless.

Teachers put this tattoo on her to stop her.

She just cut it off herself.

Joshy.

What?

You're not gonna believe it.

What?

I did it. I found Fillory.

What?

I found Fillory!

Oh, my God!

Whoo! We're going to Fillory!

We're going to Fillory?

[laughs] Uh-huh!

So we decided to plan a trip.

You know, party, smoke out with the centaurs, be back in time for classes, but word got out to practically the whole first year class, except for a couple losers.

Luckily, V was so good, she was able to take them all with.

It was magical.

[chuckles] I mean, more magical than Brakebills, like going from black and white to color.

V and I had a threesome with a naiad.

This guy Donnie, he had sex with a talking horse.

I mean, it's not exactly taboo in Fillory since the animals can give consent, but we were all still a bit squicked out.

We get it. You f*cked some animals.

How'd you end up here?

Got roped into this quest.

Ended up being a trap for Victoria.

This dude--Mothra, I've been calling him--

Yeah, we know that clown.

It was a bloodbath.

V zapped me here, and then she went back in.

Told me to stay put, so I have just been waiting.

V should have been here by now.

He caught her.

But she's still alive.

How do you know that?

I'm like her. It's why I'm here.

We can all go, rescue Victoria.

You can take us.

I... haven't exactly cracked the whole ride-along yet.

Okay, forget traveling.

Uh, we'll just take a fountain.

Except we don't know where the Fillory fountain is.

That's easy.

It's three squares up, one square left.

The problem is all the battle magic d*ck buckets waiting to vaporize us.

Discuss.

It's in the closet.

El and Margo made a door to their favorite pub in London.

They look like fun.

Look, you were supposed to be here.

You were supposed to be a part of this.

No, you know, I think Jane was right.

Had I been here living it up, I would have never felt the need to figure out what magic is actually for.

Okay, so what's magic actually for, then?

For fixing things, dummy.

Trust me.

I, uh, made a lot of mistakes before I figured that one out.

Yeah, everything I've been able to fix doesn't matter, just minor mendings and bullshit.

Yeah, well, if fixing big things were easy, everyone would do it.

Come on.

Alice.

Get some sleep.

[sighs]

I know.

I might as well.

I'll never figure this out.

Trying to think of how to get us all to the Fillory fountain without getting us k*lled.

Need a hand?

Look, Penny, I'm sorry if I gave you the wrong idea, but--

Whoa, stop.

It was fun, okay?

You're one of the few people I actually respect.

Uh, yeah, you're right, right.

I'm just making this weird, huh?

Eh, it's weird.

We're weird. So what?

We're friends, right?

I just keep thinking about Quentin.

Look, I know.

I just keep thinking how awful it would be if, out of all of us, he was the one who didn't get to see Fillory.

And then I remember that I hate him.

f*ck, why am I such an idiot?

Okay.

Quentin is irrelevant.

Just another excuse for that thing you always do.

What thing?

"I should just give up.

I'll never figure it out."

sh*t got real.

If you're gonna drop that bullshit, now's the time.

Phosphoromancy.

I can bend light around us, all of us, the whole group, I think, make us invisible.

It'll be difficult with the two suns but not impossible.

We'll have to move in a pretty tight formation.

When should we leave?

As soon as possible.

The suns are just about in position.

It has begun!

Sorry.

Penny, Eliot, you're both tall, so you'll have to duck down and stay close to me, okay?

Or they'll see you.

Got it.

We got it, right?

Eliot, are you coming?

Right behind you, Bambi.

Let's do this.

Okay.

[device buzzing]

[both grunt]

Holy sh*t.

[sirens blaring]

Is that an air raid siren?

Okay.

1942.

We need to get out of here.

Yeah.

[sirens continue]

[whispers] Go to the right.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[distorted] Is everything all right, Eliot?

I'm amazing.

[suspenseful music]

Go left. Go left.

♪ ♪

[g*nsh*t]

Yeah, I brought a g*n.

Thanks, Margo.

You're welcome. Why didn't you move?

Acid carrots.

Margo, you saved my actual life.

Hooray, you live to drink another day.

Oh, sh*t, guys, they see us.

sh*t! Go! Go!

[dramatic music]

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪

Oh, my God. [gasps]

She looks so young.

Yeah, she's got no idea what's coming.

Hey.

That's got to be it, right?

Across the street, the door to Fillory?

Yeah.

Ooh, here she comes.

You ready, Janey?

Why, yes, Martin, I think I am.

[tense music]

♪ ♪

[pensive music]

♪ ♪

Oh, my God.

♪ ♪

Q, Q.

♪ ♪

Look.

[chuckling]