03x02 - Todd Margaret (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

man: And, yea, verily doth it be decreed in Book Three, Chapter Two that the Catalyst did rise up and unleash a bolt of energy of such force that nature and space were altered...

(bird shrieking)

♪

(shrieking)

(growling)

Must... get... Thunder Muscle...

♪

(shrieking)

♪

(growling)

Damn you, Prince Eldar!

♪

woman: Tim Dempsey, world famous goalie and two time FIFA Golden Glove Award winner, Tim Dempsey, for the first time, Thunder Muscle is available in stores.

Nice save!

(rumbling)

(insects chirping)

Now that's how you make a f*cking commercial.

Gives a whole new meaning to the phrase "Thirst Quencher."

How?

Well, uh, I think anyone would need to slake their thirst after a... after an action packed morning like that.

That's the current... meaning...

Peter: Yeah. Of thirst quencher.

Yes, but I think this redefines it.

No, no it doesn't.

(bird chirping)

Everybody, take a seat.

Not on the rocks, they're plastic.

Fill me in on this launch tomorrow... whatta we got?

Yes, sir, we are all set.

Our squadron of six helicopters are in place ready to drop the sand.

Completely covering the Shard.

Then we lower the four story tall can of Thunder Muscle directly on top.

Doug: And exactly at noon, Tim Dempsey will begin his ascent.

We estimate his arrival to the top at around three o'clock the next day.

At which point Big Ben will strike thirteen times and the Mayor will proclaim it to be Thunder Muscle Day.

Brilliant... and I mean that in the American way, where something is actually brilliant not in the way you people describe a cup of coffee.

It is a great idea, right, sir?

Oh, the idea is fine.

More importantly, I get to go home... remain seated for twenty minutes.

(chimp screeches)

Sir, your new Director of Strategy is in your office.

My what?

I didn't hire a Director of Strategy.

No, sir, Lord Mountford sent him.

Oh, and in answer to your earlier question, it's, "relating to or concerned with the art of rhetoric.

Asked in order to produce an effect or make a statement rather than elicit information."

You actually...

What is the point of you even being here?

(door opens)

Hello, sir!

I'm your new Director of Strategy.

My name's Dave...

You know, I appreciate you being here, but I didn't ask for, nor do I need, nor do I want, nor do I even know what a Director of Strategy is.

But, seeing as I'm in this sh*t town for only 30 more hours, go ahead, knock yourself out.

Yes, sir, please know that I want you to treat me as you would any normal person.

Without deference.

Okay, I don't think that's going to be a problem.

See... I've already forgotten your name and everything about you.

Dave.

Director of strategy... your D.O.S.

♪

Sir?

Have we met?

No, sir.

Right, of course, okay well, thank you for coming in.

I appreciate it.

I have been thinking of some ideas on the Thunder Muscle front.

I'm particularly excited about the prospects.

First of all, I have been crunching the numbers and I think Sainsbury's would be ripe for an in-store promotion.

Sounds good and I encourage you to, not only, think outside the box but outside the room as well.

I do have several ideas, sir.

Okay, great, but as I said, I'm only here for another day.

Why don't you get Dave to help you.

I am Dave.

Perfect!

You guys will get along famously then.

Thanks so much.

Well, if you'd rather I could work on leads.

Yeah, you do that...

♪

What did you say?

Well, I believe that Sainsbury's would...

No, no, after that?

I could work on getting leads.

♪

Yeah, okay.

Great! Excellent!

Ta ta!

♪

Guys, great!

Just, uh... just give me a second, I'm gonna run upstairs, clean up, grab a few things and we'll be out of here.

Okay, great, great!

Wait right here!

(beeping)

Hey, stranger, just checking in.

Umm... call me back.

Uh, I gotta tell you more about that dream.

I ended up going to North Korea of all places and I blow up the world!

What do you make of that?

Uh, I'm gonna definitely start that dream journal, I think it's a... a... a good idea.

Um... alright, well, I'm on the, uh, first plane out tomorrow night so, you know, call me back.

Alright?

Uh... my love to Fanny...

Alright, bye.

I've just gotten off the phone with the accounts department...

Hi, Doug...

I've just gotten off the phone with the accounts department.

We've got a problem.

And...

We're missing over a hundred thousand pounds from the Thunder Muscle account.

What? How... Where?

I don't know... I know that it was there yesterday.

I'm still tracing it but these numbers are off.

That can't be right.

We can't afford the helicopters now or the rental of the Shard.

Let alone the new microwave.

I did those myself, give me that...

This all adds up.

This is fine.

Oh well, that should be dollars not pou...

Are we paying Tim Dempsey two hundred fifty thousand pounds?

Well, yes sir, that's what you budgeted.

I wrote pounds?

That's... What!

How could I?

Okay, we need an emergency meeting with the creative team.

We gotta go to plan B.

No!

Not hot plates.

(lion roaring)

Ok, we've got 22 tons of sand and that's about it.

We don't have six helicopters, we got one, no Shard, no Dexy's Midnight Runners.

That's where we find ourselves.

Think smaller.

But also if it could involve a lot of sand that'd be good.

(bird chirping)

A lot of sand.

Too much sand, really.

We build an enormous hourglass.

Yes, and we fill it with Thunder Muscle!

And Tim Dempsey has an hour to drink his way free.

Oh, yeah, yeah, like a kind of David Blaine thing.

(eagle shrieking)

Yeah... Wait, no, cause the Thunder Muscle will turn the sand into mud.

Tax right off... We give the sand to the sandless.

We give every tramp a can of Thunder Muscle and ten pounds of sand.

Uh, we don't, Tim Dempsey does!

Reggie: Yeah, we'll make Tim Dempsey do it.

Todd: Forget the sand.

Think Thunder Muscle.

You... Go!

Um, well I've got, uh, I've got Tim Dempsey dressed as both Rocky two and Rocky three.

Boom. Rocky five.

Five...

Can I... Do you mind if I...

No, no. Oh, great, great.

I wanna be careful about it here.

So, I'm wondering if we, if we then go like this and then this and this, right, and then this.

Tim Dempsey is Rocky five to sell Thunder Muscle.

Okay, let me think about it...

(whooshing)

♪

That's your idea ladies and fucktards.

We drop torn up pieces of paper from a helicopter!

No, that's like what a Ret*rded rich kid would do.

Not torn pieces of paper.

Thunderbucks.

A coupon good for one free can.

We use the helicopter to drop them all over London.

Yeah, okay, make up about a ton of 'em...

That's better, nice and clean.

Nice and... clean.

Vanessa... What time does online check-in open?

(phone ringing)

Vanessa!

She's gone, sir.

Gone?

Well, more like, taken a sabbatical.

You won't be seeing her again.

Oh.

("Life is Sweet" ringtone plays)

But not to worry, I will handle everything.

Todd: Wilts!

Yeah, What happened to you, man.

Are you alright? What's... what...

Alright, calm down, Jes...

Yeah, well that makes two of us.

Yeah, well, let's just meet at that place you took me to last time I was here?

The, uh, place with the all you can eat Mondays.

Except this time let's stay away from those white Russians, huh?

Last time I had to carry you out of there.

Okie doke.

Sounds great, buddy.

(clanging)

Ok, see you there.

Hey, Brent.

What are you doing? You moving out?

Yeah, I'm just selling this stuff, need to raise £50,000 for the ladder.

You wanna buy another TV or a trolley or...

No.

50 grand for a ladder?

Yeah.

I consider that to be a bargain.

(elevator dings)

Everyone's selling their work except me.

I had that idea two years ago.

Alright, here it is, only 42,300 more pounds to go, right?

Get that ladder ready.

This thing is basically only good for popcorn now, but...

I'm... I'm saying don't... don't plan your dinner around it.

♪

Brent Wilts... where are you?

Todd: There he is!

Hey, buddy!

Hang it out!

Dude, what happened to you?

Are you alright?

I know.

I have so much to tell you.

Hey, Anthony.

Hi, can I get a vodka soda and a skim milk, please?

Skim milk?

Twelve quid.

Yeah, thank you very much... yeah.

Thank you?

Very much?

Todd could you lend me...

Oh, yeah, yeah.

£42,312.

Please?

What... I'm sorry, what?

Yeah, yeah... I... I need £42,312... plus tip.

Dude, what's going on?

Are... are you in trouble?

Oh no, quite the opposite.

I'm in reassurancement.

Yeah, I don't think that's a real word.

Uh, it is... it's in the book.

Well, regardless I can't just give you forty two thousand whatever pounds.

Oh, come on, Todd...

I got three words for you, Lisbon boat show.

My... doesn't matter, I'm not gonna give you...

Okay, you know what, I'm gonna level with you, I need the money for an "investment opportunity."

Okay, The fact that you're saying investment opportunity in air quotes makes it less likely for me to give you money.

What you need is a "Business Plan."

Right, right, here's the deal deal... honestly honestly, you heard about this comet Phantasos right?

Yeah...

So, it's going to be entering our atmosphere next week!

So, £42,324 by next week.

Okay, look...

Before next week.

Alright, look... if you're going to keep dicking around I'm out of here.

And I'm going to tell Mountford where to find you.

No, come on Todd... Todd.

Please will you... Get off me!

God... sugar, sugar, sh*t, sh*t.

Oi, watch your language.

You want me to get Olga to lay you out again, Wilts?

Oh, Golly no.

Listen, Todd, Todd, I'm sorry.

I'm sorry about all this.

I don't know what I'm doing, I'm just... I'm sorry.

I don't even have enough to cover this.

I'll pay for the drinks.

Uh, sorry, Todd, things have just been kind of crazy, you know.

'Scuse you.

(beeping)

Hey, hey buddy.

What d'you say about one for the road, huh?

Just for old times' sakes.

Two... two good buddies just getting totally tipsy?

(sighing)

Alright, yeah... sure.

Great, great, great, great, great!

How completely rude of me, I forgot to ask you... how is your mom?

My mom?

Yeah.

Fine...

I mean, what is her name Ms. Margaret?

That'd be funny, if her first name was Margaret then she'd be Margaret Margaret.

But I guess that's her married name.

What's her maiden name?

My mom? It's Kingston.

Kingston.

Yeah.

Brent: Ha, that's a good one.

Kingston, yeah...

Kingston, Kingston, Kingston.

That'd be... you know, that'd be a great name for a cat.

You got a cat don't you?

What's your, that's not your cat's name 'cause your cat's name is...

Uh, Fanny.

Fanny!

Awesome cat!

Fanny, Fanny Kingston, that's such a great... Yeah.

That's... but... your cat's old now though, huh?

No, no.

No?

No, I mean she's... she'll be seven in March so...

March, March what?

Cats live to be like...

March what, just 'cause it's...

Tenth.

So March tenth?

Yeah...

So, so that's... so 2009.

Not old.

March 10th, 2009.

And what was the name because Fanny's your cat but you had a first pet didn't you?

Growing up, I'm sure you had a first... what was the name of your first pet?

What was the name of the street you grew up on?

'Cause I'm always, like, doing...

♪

(moaning)

(straining) Madam... your jam!

No, not yet! Wait!

No! It's...

(crashing)

Todd: What is this?

Oh, it's a cardamom infused, mint, arrowroot antiseptic and anti-inflammatory.

But there's notes of South African vanilla bean in there.

So, you know, it's good, tastes good on scones Woah, déjà vu.

Again?

Yeah, I feel like this has happened before.

Are you serious? It did.

A week ago.

No, I meant the...

And while we're on the subject.

You said you were leaving...

Oh yeah, oh God, it was...

We had all kinds of crazy complications.

Yeah...

Problems, I was gonna call...

No, no... it's just, it's fine... you know, it's just, just a bit of fun... isn't it, ya know.

Yeah, yeah.

It's not like I do that all the time, though.

I'm actually... I'm very discriminating.

No, uh, I, same here, I'm... yeah definitely.

I... you know, not every one is for me.

(laughing)

You know.

Okay.

So how well do you know Lord Mountford?

He's my boss, why?

Well, I just thought he'd be, um, a good person to talk to about getting a license, you know.

For a garden party thing I want to do.

Garden party?

What's that like a tea party?

Yeah, yeah, I guess that, that's what you'd call it.

But you know we just wanted something a bit more ambitious.

Ah, sounds proper English.

Ha, exactly.

But you wouldn't believe the nightmare we get from the council.

woman: Ugh, the council...

We just want it to be...

Typical bunch of short sighted politically correct bureaucrats who just want to stop people enjoying themselves.

This is Rachel, she's a little bit extreme.

But she wouldn't be working for me if she wasn't!

Sorry, I just... I want the garden party to appeal to my generation.

You know a lot of people think it's out of date, but it's not.

It's just... English.

I want people to walk away going "that's how to do it."

That's what makes Britain great.

Hey, there's nothing wrong with that.

I mean I'll...

I'll give Lord Mountford a call in the morning.

Awww!

Where's all the stuff?

(clattering)

Oh, well, not my problem.

♪

Good news Mr. Margaret.

I just got off the phone to the airline and they've located your lost luggage.

(scoffs) Of course.

It was in Portland... but not to worry, I've told them to put it on the next flight to London and I'll have Trevor deliver it to your flat first thing in the morning.

What?

Why'd you do that? I leave today.

But you can't leave, I have all these plans for you.

Well, maybe next time, Dave.

I should be back around the 33rd of f*ck-uary.

Now get back on the phone and re-route that luggage back to Portland.

I'm very sorry, sir.

I... I... I misread the situation.

I've been under a lot of pressure recently.

One of my crew was supposed to be working the decks...

Dave, I don't care about your dance parties.

It's a regatta.

I'm 41, I don't know all the slang.

41? May I say, sir, you do not look a day over 35.

Do I look like a girl to you?

Oh.

Uh, sir, just one more thing, um, the bank called.

Uh, Just to clarify, this purchase you made last night from the company account.

I didn't make any purchase last night.

Uh, for a ladder?

A very nice ladder I suppose.

Yeah, I don't know what to tell you.

I didn't buy any ladder last night.

At 1:12 am you withdrew a little over £42,000 from the company account.

For a ladder.

No...

♪

How much... how much exactly?

£42,300.

I... I can check into it.

No, uh, no, I'll... don't worry about it.

I'll handle it. Thanks.

Uh, you just go and make sure everything's good for the Thunder Muscle drop today, alright.

I don't want any screw-ups.

Oh, yes, sir.

Okay, shut the door behind you, please.

Dave: Sure.

How much was his f*cking skim milk in that place?

Hi ho, Brent here.

Sorry I missed your call but I'm too busy climbing the ladder.

You can leave a message, but I'm not sure I'll have reception where I'm going.

(beeping)

I want my money, fuckstick... I know it was you.

That money better be put back in the account today or I am going straight to Mountford.

And you do not want to be on the wrong side of Mountford when he loses his sh*t.

Okay!

(knocking)

And, finally, sir, to commemorate your working here the, uh, team have got together and uh, chipped in and we've... we've got you a little going away present.

Oh.

We think it's sand-tastic!

Well, thank you, but I don't think that's gonna really fit in the overhead compartment.

But, that's kind of fortunate because that means I don't have to tell you the real reason I don't want to accept it.

♪

(helicopter blades whirring)

What's that?

I was wondering if you could, uh, drop me off at Heathrow after this?

I've got a 6:30 flight back to the States.

♪

Pretty cool, huh?

This was my idea.

(ringtone playing)

Oh, what...

What is it, I'm in the helicopter!

Dave: Yes, sir, I didn't want to bother you but I've found something key to the missing money and I thought I should let you know as soon as I could.

Yeah?

Well, it seems as though your computer may have been hacked.

Unless...

Did you give your password to somebody?

Oh, oh!

I can see you on the live feed... wave to me.

Look, this is not really your department, Dave, don't worry about it.

I know, sir, but I just think this could be potentially a very big can of worms and...

Todd: Don't open it.

What's that sir?

You got that?

Yes, don't open.

It's just...

I appreciate the info, but just... drop it.

Sir?

But, I...

You heard me, drop it, now!

(cord whipping through air)

Alright, so the idea here is to, you know (booming) barely release the, uh, the coupons at the first release point, ok.

I want 'em to slowly scatter once we get to Trafalgar Square.

Umm...

What?

(car alarm blaring)

♪

Life is Sweet
♪ If I know what I need ♪
♪ Without reservation ♪
♪ Life's just sweet a real sensation ♪
♪ Can't control myself anticipation ♪
♪ Things are gonna get worse ♪

Damn you, Prince Eldar!

I had a dream about this once.