02x10 - Electoral Dysfunction

Episode transcripts for the 2016 TV show "Angie Tribeca". Aired: January 2016 to December 2018*
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"Angie Tribeca" is a 10-year veteran of the Los Angeles Police Department's elite RHCU (Really Heinous Crimes Unit). The lone-wolf detective and a squad of committed LAPD detectives investigate the most serious cases.
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02x10 - Electoral Dysfunction

Post by bunniefuu »

Man: Good morning.

It's 5 minutes to 6:00, and it's a beautiful election day here in Los Angeles.

In one hour, polls will open to decide if Joe Perry will get four more years or if Councilman Richard Dreyfuss will be the new mayor of the City of Angels.

According to the latest polls, Mayor Perry is predicted to win in a landslide.

[Baby Angie crying]

But Councilman Dreyfuss remains confident that a massive conspiracy will finally come to fruition, toppling Perry and placing him in the mayor's mansion by what can only be described as a coup d'etat.

Will you be voting today?

Vote in our online poll.

Will you be voting in our online poll?

Vote in our other online poll.

It is 6:00, which means it's time for Stinkbomb and the Monkey Man.

Stinkbomb: Good morning, everybody!

Hey, Monkey Man, who do you like the mayor election?

[Monkey Man screeches]

♪♪

After the target is eliminated here, we meet Pepper at the rendezvous point here.

Restrooms here, Wetzel's Pretzels here.

Copy that.

And what if LAPD decides to... I don't know... sh**t us?

The only person that Mayhem Global was afraid of was you.

But now you're with us, right?

If I wasn't, would I have gotten this?

[Buzzer, door opens]

Yeah. That turned out well.

Guard: Package for 24601.

Tribeca?

That's me.

Sign here.

Thank you.

[Door closes]

This is gonna work.

The only question is, are you ready?

I never thought I'd be on the wrong side of the law, but that's where I find myself, and nothing's gonna change that.

This changes everything.

Tribeca!

You've got a visitor!

♪♪

Hello?

Kathy?

Oh, there's no Kathy here.

Sorry. Wrong number.

Kathy?

Hey, Dad.

[Footsteps]

Tribeca, good news.

The mayor is gonna let you go.

Pardon me?

The mayor is gonna let you go.

Eddie Pepper's prints were all over the m*rder w*apon, so the only question is, whose side are you on?

Geils, I'm 100% committed to being a good guy, and I was about to bust out of here anyway, so this just saves a step.

I knew it. Let's go.

♪♪

Jason. Angela.

Could I see you two in my office for a quick powwow?

It'll only take a couple of minutes.

Sure.

What's with him?

No idea.

The mayor's life is in danger.

I'm having Tanner and Hoffman transport he and his wife to a safe house at an undisclosed location.

Oh. Should we know where that is just in case we need to get in touch with each other?

It's really best if as few people know the location as possible.

Mm.

It's just I have Tanner's inhaler.

And I would just be a little worried if he had an att*ck.

It's really safest if I'm the only one who knows.

Got it. Got it.

Yeah.

What's the address?

113...

Nice try.

Tribeca, I'm putting you in charge of security at the Biltmore Hotel, where the mayor's gala will take place.

We're on high alert since Diane Duran escaped from prison.

She escaped? When?

About an hour ago.

Smuggled out in a laundry bin, h*jacked a van, mesmerized the driver with her beauty.

She could be anywhere.

Geils, see if you can pick up her trail and neutralize her by any means available.

Geils.

Forget about Duran. Keep an eye on Tribeca.

Oh, I'm telling you, Lieutenant... She's not crooked.

The gym teacher checked her out this morning.

We cannot take a chance with the mayor's life.

If she is in on this, you have to be prepared to take her down.

You're asking me to choose between the woman I love and the mayor, who quite frankly has done a pretty crappy job at running the city the last few years.

Hey! That is our mayor you're talking about.

How would you like it if you heard him saying mean things about you?

I'm talking to you.

Pretty bad, I guess.

All right. Go play.

♪♪♪♪

Welcome, ma'am.

Thanks.

Sir.

Okay.

♪♪

What are you doing?

Tribeca.

Are you tailing me?

Not at all.

I'm here to look at ballrooms for my high-school reunion.

Didn't you grow up in Chicago?

Good point.

No one's gonna drive all the way out here.

Well, I'll see you later.

Let me guess.

The lieutenant told you to follow me to see if I'm dirty.

Let me let you in on a little secret...

I am dirty.

Extremely dirty.

Like you...

You seem different.

All women should go to prison.

Hey! Get a room!

Front desk is that way.

Okay.

City view or pool view?

Either one.

Uh, let's see. I'm gonna put you by the pool.

Smoking or non-smoking?

Sure.

For an additional $89, I can upgrade you to a suite.

Whatever's fastest.

The upgrade is fast.

Great.

But it won't be ready till 3:00.

No, no. No upgrade, then. No upgrade.

I'm gonna need a credit card for incidentals, please.

[Moaning]

Take it.

Oh, I see you're a rewards club member.

Would you like to pay with points?

No, just charge it.

You have 19,000 points.

Sir, please just give us a room.

Hurry up!

Okay, but if you pay with points, you're eligible for a free continental breakfast.

Just give us a room!

That would be a basket of fresh pastries, a hot pot of tea or coffee, and a glass of fresh-squeezed juice.

Sir! I cannot stress this enough.

We just want keys to a room.

Okay. How many keys would you like?

One key, right now.

Oh, boy. Key reader's gone on the fritz.

Dale!

Okay, I clicked on 601, then star, enter, and then print.

No, no. That's the old system.

Why don't I help you folks here at my station?

Oh, my God!

♪♪

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beep]

[Beeping]

So sorry about that. Here you go.

♪♪

Lieutenant Atkins recommends that you all stay in the safe house until any potential thr*at subsides.

[Alarm beeping]

[Hoffman barks, bear growls]

How do we even know these threats are credible?

We have multiple sources who have corroborated the threats.

Oh, dear. That's terrifying.

Sir, ma'am, your safety is our highest priority, and this is the only place the department can assure you that nothing, absolutely nothing, will happen to you.

Well, I think it's lovely.

Do you at least know who's behind all this nonsense?

[Snake hisses]

Tanner: We believe it's an organization called Mayhem Global headed up by an ex-cop named Edward Pepper and a former FBI operative named Diane Duran who escaped from prison this morning.

So you know nothing. Great.

We don't fully understand their motive, but we do that they're very interested in Dreyfuss' victory.

And one thing that they're not interested in is whether you live or die.

If anybody kills my husband, it's going to be me.

This is ridiculous.

You can't tell me what to do.

I'm a grown mayor, and today is my re-election.

I've got a vote to cast, and I've got a victory party to attend.

Mayor Perry doesn't cower in fear.

Come on, Katie.

Okay.
[g*nshots, glass shattering]

No-o-o-o!

[Guitar tuning]

How in the hell did they get to the safe house?

No idea, but we moved the the mayor to an Arby's, hoping for better luck.

We came as soon as we heard, and then we left for the precinct.

I'm tired of playing catch-up with these guys.

We need a plan.

[Chord plays]

And we need one before the mayor casts his vote on live TV at the elementary school.

How about this for a plan?

The mayor casts his vote on live TV at the elementary school.

Um, that's a great idea, Tribeca.

But just for the heck of it, why don't we keep brainstorming?

No, don't you see? It's perfect.

We do exactly what Pepper's expecting.

We put the mayor where Pepper wants him, and then when the mouse goes in for the cheese...

He eats the cheese. we spring the trap.

Unless someone's got a better metaphor, we go with Tribeca's plan.

I got something with a fox and a chicken guarding a bridge, but it's just not coming together.

Let's move.

Hey.

I noticed the lieutenant was playing the guitar.

Okay. Calm down, Detective.

You got the job.

♪♪

Reporter: Mr. Mayor!

How do you feel today about the election?!

[Indistinct shouting]

Reporter #2: Who you gonna vote for, Mr. Mayor?

Reporter #3: Are you feeling confident?

Reporter #4: You ran a good campaign, Mr. Mayor.

They're totally buying it.

Remind me to give Jenkins in our creature shop an "attaboy."

Will do.

It's incredible, isn't it?

Tribeca, Tanner, the package is coming inside.

Tanner: What package? What's it look like?

Is it for me?

The fake mayor we made.

Tribeca: I see him. Wow!

Jenkins really nailed it this time.

Remind me to tell him what a great job he...

Already on it.

Where's the actual mayor?

Completely safe inside that soft-top Jeep over there.

[expl*si*n, crowd gasps]

[Indistinct shouting]

Oh, my God. Oh, my God.

Well, now it doesn't even matter if he wins.

The city's not paying for that.

Mr. Mayor, you're all right?

Yes.

Fortunately, I went to go get a shave ice at exactly the right moment.

A shave ice? In this part of town?

Duran.

Don't eat that. It could be poison.

[Sighs]

Jenkins.

♪♪

Stop! Police!

[Tires screech]

Ha ha!

[Laughs]

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

Yeah!

Ha ha!

[Brakes squeal]

Damn!

How the hell did Pepper know that the mayor was in that Jeep?

He's obvious got someone inside the police department.

I didn't do it. God!

Go to the dark side one time, and suddenly you're that guy.

Well, I'm tired of hiding.

I'm the mayor of Los Angeles.

And as of 10:00 tonight, I'm gonna be the mayor of Los Angeles, so you do what you need to do.

I've got a victory gala to attend.

Hang on, Joe.

I'm taking personal responsibility for your safety.

Detectives, I'm counting on you to bring down Mayhem Global.

And until then, I'm not leaving the mayor's side.

[Telephone rings]

Tribeca.

I think you guys better get down here and see this.

I think I figured out why the lieutenant's been acting so strangely.

[Muffled groaning]

[Sighs]

What the...

If the lieutenant is here, who's protecting the mayor?

It's Eddie Pepper.

He's gonna k*ll the mayor posing as the lieutenant.

[Muffled talking]

[Muffled shouting]

[Muffled laughing]

[Muffled talking]

♪♪

Eddie Pepper's in there.

He's gonna k*ll the mayor.

We don't have much time.

[Sighs]

[Sighs]

[Machine arm clicking]

[Clicking continues]

[Coin clinks]

Let's rock and roll.

♪♪

LAPD. Step aside.

The mayor's life is in danger.

I'm sorry.

We received strict instructions not to let any police officers in the ballroom.

From who?

You.

Like half an hour ago, and you were kind of a d*ck about it.

Well, I am reversing that and ordering you to let us in.

You said you would try to reverse the order and we should ignore you.

Damn it. I'm one step ahead of me.

Okay, well, thanks, anyway.

Good night, guys.

What was that?

We're just gonna give up?

So, Dreyfuss is the mayor.

They're all the same anyway.

No, we're not just gonna give up.

Tanner, come with me. We're gonna find a back way in.

You two, get in that ballroom.

[Sighs]

Sorry, folks. LAPD.

I'm gonna need to commandeer your outfits.

[Groans]

Aah!

Works every time.

♪♪

Thank you.

There's Duran.

Get over here.

Oh, sorry. The split screen threw me.

Ladies and gentlemen, the final results of the election are in!

[Cheers and applause]

There's the mayor. He's with Pepper.

Second runner-up is Abraham McCheese with 2% of the vote.

First runner-up with 12% of the vote is Councilman Richard Dreyfuss.

[Crowd booing]

You know what that means, folks.

It gives me great pleasure to introduce to you the former and next mayor of Los Angeles, Mayor Joe Perry!

[Cheers and applause]

♪ How you like me now? ♪
♪ How you like me now? ♪
♪ How you like me now? ♪

She's got a g*n!

Get down! Get down!

Atkins, have you lost your mind?

It's not safe for you in there, Mr. Mayor.

I'm afraid you're not safe here either, Mr. Mayor.

What the hell is this?

Sir, the Lieutenant Atkins standing next to you is not the Atkins you've come to know and love, but rather a rogue police officer who left the force 10 years ago...

Sergeant Eddie Pepper.

[Breathes deeply]

God, it's good to be young again!

Now, I'm gonna have to ask you to drop your weapons, or I'm gonna drop your mayor.

That's ridiculous.

There's four of us and one of you.

Make that two of us.

Drop your weapons.

[Sighs]

We did it, Eddie. We got the mayor.

How does it feel?

It feels pretty damn good.

[g*nsh*t]

How does it feel now?

Diane, I don't mean to micromanage, but you just sh*t me, not the mayor.

Tribeca?

[Sighs]

Angie?

Don't worry, Eddie.

I sh*t you through the fleshy part of your abdomen where there's no vital organs.

You'll be fine.

You sure?

Wait. If you're Tribeca, then who's... who's this?

But you had sex with me!

That is so unethical.

I would be extremely upset if I were actually Geils.

You were a masterful lover.

Well, I thought you were Tribeca, so there was an added level of kink to it.

Well, then who did I tie up?

My twin brother, Eric.

Remember him from Season 1, Episode 4?

No, I don't really follow the show.

I'm just doing a cameo for a friend.

Well, he was established.

Mom says hi.

I think there's one thing you all overlooked.

Mom?!

What? You never call me.

And I thought it would be fun to do something together.

Wait a minute. Then where is Geils?

The bigger question is, Tribeca, what the hell is going on?

It all started in prison.

Duran and I were going over Pepper's plan for us to break out and help him k*ll the mayor when a package arrived.

Geils had overnighted our baby to me as a reminder of how much I had to lose.

This changes everything.

I suddenly realized I wanted baby Angela to grow up in a world with right and wrong, with good guys and bad guys and a mother who could tell the difference.

I easily convinced Diane Duran to come back to the right side of the law, and together, we hatched a plan to stop Eddie Pepper before he could k*ll the mayor.

Atkins: Hang on a second.

You easily convinced Diane Duran to come back to the right side of the law?

That sounds ridiculously implausible.

It's a little less implausible if you consider that she was on the right side all along.

Wait. So, then who ended up having sex?

So, Geils... that means you had my back all along.

It's a pretty great back.

So, what do you think?

You want to catch criminals and raise a baby?

Sounds good to me.

You all right?

I think I'm just slipping into shock.
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