04x08 - Legends of To-Meow-Meow

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Legends of Tomorrow"...

I couldn't send Neron into hell

without sending Dez down with him.

I k*lled the man I loved, and for what?

John, you have to stop this.

If Desmond isn't dragged to hell and you don't join the Legends,

the effects could be cataclysmic.

History be bloody damned.

I really care about you.

This thing between us, it isn't real.

It never was.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

- Uh...
- What's that?

I think John just broke time.

♪ ♪

Oy, see, check this out.

I got my powers back.

[MEOWS]

Zari.

Constantine did it.

He changed the timeline back in New Orleans.

He saved old Dez.

[MEOWS]

Unfortunately, I have no idea why you're a cat, Z.

- [GRUMBLES]
- Oh, quit your whinging.

I know it's a pretty raw deal for you.

Especially 'cause...

Well, who knows what they put in cat food.

[GROWLS]

On the plus side you are cute as hell.

Z, it has been an experience.

Now, I'm gonna set the autopilot to take you back to the "Waverider," but first we're gonna drop me off somewhere fabulous.

[EXCITING MUSIC]

[JAZZ MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[GIGGLES]

Hope y'all are thirsty for champagne.

Because I'm feeling a little bubbly.

- [CHEERING]
- Whoo!

Hello, Red.

Ms. Monroe. How's lady luck treating you?

Ooh. Ooh.

Red, it's me. Charlie.

- Shapeshifter.
- Cheers to Saint Patrick.

What are you doing here?

I haven't seen you since we escaped from that prison.

Yeah. Hey listen, mate.

You got to stop doing your leprechaun magic so out in the open like this, all right?

I do this all the time.

These humans, they don't notice anything.

Watch.

- Lucky . Winner!
- [CHEERING]

Quit doing that.

But I'm just having a little fun.

What's got you so worried?

The Magic Police?

They're called the Legends and I'm just trying to stay off their radar for a little while.

Sounds to me like you're scared.

What, of them? [SCOFFS]

No, no, no, they're not dangerous.

They're just annoying little boy scouts, you know?

[LASER BLAST, PEOPLE SCREAM]

Reach for the sky, you filthy animals.

Pretty please.

He asked nicely.

Greetings, gentlemen.

Ah, the leprechaun.

You fellas play?

Ahh... no.

[PANICKED SCREAMS]

Oh, my God. Why did you do that?

Marilyn Monroe.

I am k*lling it at historical figure bingo.

All right, everyone, calm down.

We just saved your butts from a very dangerous magical creature.

Who are you guys?

[SCOFFS]

[RETRO MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[WHIMPERS]

[LAUGHS]

♪ ♪

Hi, Nate Heywood. Monster hunter.

Just wanted you ladies to know you're in good hands.

[PRIMAL SCREECH]

[SCREAMS]

Man, Garima is gonna flip when she hears we met Marilyn Monroe.

Do you think a murderous alien queen that sprang to life from Mick's fantasies is into Marilyn?

Yes.

Hmm.

What is up with these guys?

Gideon, any messages while we were gone?

You missed calls from Barry Allen,

Oliver Queen, and Kara Zor-El.

Sounds like the annual crossover.

Yeah, that's gonna be a hard pass.

Did I tell you Oliver owes me money?

[LAUGHTER]

[MEOWS]

I bet this year they'll swap costumes.

Oh, Zari. Well, I'm glad to see that you made it back to the ship okay.

[GROWLS]

Okay, I hear you.
You're still mad at me.

Listen, I really need your help.

[MEOWS]

All right, yeah, I can see that being a cat is your main concern right now, but I still don't know why you're a cat.

Ms. Tomaz was turned into a cat

during the team's encounter with a Fairy Godmother.

Whoa, Gideon, your latest upgrade, smoking.

Thank you, Miss Jiwe.

Amaya Jiwe, yup, that's me.

And may I say your new upgrade and accent

are also smoking.

- Oh, yeah.
- Mm-hmm.

You know, I'm just trying something out.

[MEOWS]

Yeah, okay, one last question.

Why are the Legends homicidal wankers now?

If you're referring to the Custodians of the Chronology,

their policy towards magical creatures

has been sh**t on sight

since their disastrous encounter at Woodstock.

Right. Thanks, Gideon.

[SIGHS]

Must be fallout from

Constantine altering the timeline.

Right, this zero tolerance bollocks ends now.

Hey, people!

I have an announcement to make.

Please, gather around.

Come listen.

So I know our sh**t-first, ask-questions-never policy has lead to some interesting decorations, but it's time to change.

From now on we are going to capture the magical creatures and bring them to the Bureau like we are supposed to.

Why are you looking at me weird?

Well, just seems like a shame to change our policy now.

Considering we're so close to capturing our white whale.

That's a "Moby d*ck" reference.

And what is your white whale?

The only creature we haven't been able to capture because it's quite elusive.

Maybe because it has the ability to change shape.

Shapeshifter!

How dare you step on this ship and pretend to be our dead captain.

What?

Wait, Sara's dead?

Yeah, that's why we know you're not Sara.

Is that why you guys are like this?

Like what?

Hunting down magical creatures like it's a...

- [CHUCKLES]
- Yes!

Damn it, Garima.

I called dibs on k*lling shapeshifter last week.

You know what? He did.

You remember when we were roasting that little baby Gryphon, which was delicious, by the way, but you guys got into an argument about who actually k*lled it, so then Ray got upset and he was like, "Hey, I wanna k*ll the shapeshifter."

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

Oh, it heals itself and turns into Amaya.

This is not good.

- k*ll her again!
- I get to k*ll her this time.

After her!

- [MEOWS]
- Zari.

Oh, bollocks.

- Go, go!
- Come on, Ray!

- [MEOWS]
- Check the library!

Make sure she doesn't steal anything!

♪ ♪

They've become maniacs.

- Okay, this is bad.
- [MEOWS]

What, Constantine?
Yes, this is his fault.

He needs to help us fix this, but where is he?

[ELECTRONIC BEEPS]

Nice work, Zari cat.

[GRUMBLES]

I can't very well walk around here looking like this.

[MEOWS]

Oh, hush, it's still me despite the insane grin on my face.

I don't remember there being a memorial here.

Sara Lance struck down by unicorn.

Bollocks.

Gary, you're late.

Uh, sorry, Mr. Heywood, my cat-sitter quit on me, so...

This place is going to hell in a hand basket.

Yeah, it's my bad, sir.

Look, the Custodians of the Chronology just destroyed a freaking leprechaun.

All right, you know what? If you see them, tell them they're getting a scream-down from me.

Oh, one more thing, Mr. Heywood.

Have you seen John Constantine around?

Is that a joke?

He's been in confinement for months.

You put him there.

- Idiots.
- Right.

This isn't the when when I'm supposed to be.

- [GROANS]
- Johnny... Johnny...

[SCREAMS]

No, the truth is not the truth!

All right, this is not the when when I'm supposed to be.

You should go.

So what's real, Johnny?

Reality is fractured, but the pieces, they speak to each other like light between broken mirrors.

John Constantine.

Confined for becoming dangerously unstable after suspected time crimes.

Are you real?

Do you exist? Because it's really hard to tell these days.

Yup, bloke's gone cuckoo.

[GROANS]

Ha.

I sense a familiar face.

- Who is that?
- [MEOWS]

- Z? Z, Is that you?
- [MEOWS]

Why the transmogrification?
Let's get this sorted out.

- [GROWLS]
- [WINCES]

Yeah, all right, I'm sorry, but this is the only way that you will know your true self.

[CHANTING SPELL]

Oh, finally.

[COUGHING]

Hairball.

Because of you dicks, I have been a cat for so long.

Do you know where this tongue has been?

Places.

I wasn't sure that reversal was gonna work because I've been feeling a little, you know, insane lately.

Yeah, well, you only have yourself to blame.

Wait, what?

You created a time wave when you changed your past with Desmond.

Because you're the epicenter, your experience of this timeline and that one both exist in your brain.

Just give me a break here.

All right, what you're trying to say is that I broke time?

Yes, back in New Orleans.

Sure, you don't have to live with the guilt of damning Desmond, but you also never joined the Legends.

Without John's help with the unicorn at Woodstock,

Sara d*ed, which made the Legends into K*llers.

Well, there's only one way to fix this.

We go to back to Woodstock and we save Sara.

- Yeah.
- No!

Guys, you're not listening to me.

You have to go to New Orleans and set history back on track.

Whoa, whoa, Z.

You're suggesting a total reset of the timeline.

What we need is a surgical strike.

Now, if we save Sara, then the Custodians of the Chronology never exist.

I keep my powers, Dez is de-demoned, Bob's your uncle.

I'm sorry, guys.

I have to stop you before you before you make this any worse.

Ow!

[CHANTING SPELL]

All right, then.

- I'm sorry, love.
- [HISSES]

Until you can learn to stay out of my way, then you...

- [SNARLS]
- ...are a cat.

In the mood for a prison break?

Oh, yes I am.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

[FURTIVE MUSIC]

Is the coast clear?

[METAL CLINKS]

How much of that did you hear?

Uh... nothing at all.

Nothing about breaking out or hacking history.

Please don't turn me into a cat.

Well, I didn't turn her into cat.

I returned her to being a cat, which is considerably easier, believe me.

But if you gotta, maybe a Calico and real fluffy.

Okay, I'm ready. Do it.

- What are we gonna do with her?
- I have no idea.

You don't have to do anything. I wanna help.

You do?

The Custodians of the Chronology must be stopped.

They turned my Kaupe friend into a rug.

So if you're trying to defeat them, I want in.

Oy, watch the bumps, yeah?

- Oy!
- Shh, someone might hear you.

Red Alert, the "Waverider" is landing.

- Red Alert.
- Oh, man, the Custodians are here.

Could things get any worse?

Wait, stop right there.

Are you me?

Yes.

From the future.

[GASPS]

Do I ever find love, or at least my sunglasses?

They might be in my other pants.

Yes, Gary, all that and more.

[LASER BLASTS, GLASS SHATTERING]

It's the Custodians!

But right now, I need you to delay the Custodians.

Okay. Oh, but be careful.

There's been reports of a shapeshifter on the loose.

Yeah, I know that already.

Because I'm you from the future, dummy.

Secure the prisoners.

Lockdown protocols have been activated. Hurry!

Okay.

Come on.

We gotta find a place to hide.

Knock, knock, anybody home?

[COUNTRY MUSIC PLAYING]

Come on, hurry up! Let me out of this thing.

Oh, God.

Where are we?

This is Ava's office, but she's gone.

Gone, gone?

I'm right here, you idiots.

Dad, we tracked a shapeshifter here, so we're gonna need you to stand down and let us our job and bag it for you.

Your job, son, is to bring the creatures back to the Bureau alive.

Not leave their insides strewn through history.

It's called payback for what they did to Sara, and don't get in our way.

Sharpie? What happened to you?

I'm allowed to grieve in my own way.

Why the hell are you out of your cell?

Well, plans change, luv.

Are you sure you're okay, Director Sharpe?

I'm fine!

I'm just taking some time to get my head together after Sara was unicorned.

I'm really sorry about that.

Things are not as they seem.

- Amaya?
- No.

Well, it's a long story, but time is...

Well, broken.

What are you talking about?

Well, you see, you're living in a timeline that doesn't exist, and we are from a timeline where your hair is still blonde.

Okay, I don't have time for this timey-wimey crap.

No, no, this is the truth.

Now, listen. The Custodians of the Chronology are actually the Legends of Tomorrow and they're the good guys, mostly.

Yeah, and the kicker is Sara is supposed to be alive.

Did you say Sara's alive?

BOTH: Yeah.

I knew it!

I knew something was wrong.

I mean, I like the Indigo Girls, but they should not be a way of life.

Then let's help them set things right.

What do you guys need from me?

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Well, well, well, look who's helping our magical fugitive.

Take position.

We were looking for you.

Got eyes on suspects.

Thought you might want to have some fun.

I got gauges of fun right here.

That's it.

I'm placing you all under arrest.

Shut your mouth, pops.

Go!

Take cover!

Get 'em out of here!

[GROANS]

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[g*nshots]

I'll cover you. Go save Sara.

[YELLS]

[SCREAMS]

Did they really all just k*ll each other?

Don't think about it.

And we'll go back in time and we'll fix things.

We have to.

Target ahead.

Arming the weapons now.

Is that what I think it is?

Twilight Sparkle come to life.

[WHINNIES]

We didn't screw things up for the better this year.

We screwed things up for the more magical.

- Yes! [LAUGHS]
- Nice sh*t!

Who the hell's in the jump ship?

Who cares? Mission accomplished.

And you guys thought we needed Constantine.

Yeah, we saved Sara's life.
Now that should fix everything.

The Custodians should be back to being the Legends, and Zari should no longer be a cat.

All right, this might be a crossed wired thing in my brain, but that is still a cat sitting there, isn't it?

k*lling the unicorn didn't solve the problem.

[MEOWS]

No, Zari, we're not going back to New Orleans.

We need to find out what's wrong with this timeline and fix it.

All right, we go back to the Bureau, figure out our next step.

Charlie, come on. Talk to me, luv.

What's happening? Is everything normal?

No.

In fact, things are pretty far from normal.

No reason to panic. We still got this.

Right, we'll find out how the boys d*ed in this timeline, then we'll go back and save them, and hopefully when they return they won't be magical creature murderers.

Right, sounds so simple.

Hey, watch it.

Out of the way, suckers.

Make way for S.O.S.

What the hell is S.O.S.?

[ROCK MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[HISSING]

[TIRES SQUEAL]

[GROWLING]

♪ ♪

[INDISTINCT SINGING]

♪ ♪

Good morning, Sirens.

ALL: Good morning, Hank.

Well, I hope you're ready to go to work today because we have one hell of a case on our hands.

If anyone knows what happened to the guys, it'll be them. Hang tight on the ship.

Looks like I'm joining the S.O.S.

All right, ladies. Weapons check.

Way ahead of you, babe.

My p*stol's hot and ready.

Hey, girls. Save some fun for me.

Amaya, what are you doing here?

We thought you went back to .

I did, but then I heard about your monster problem, and, well, I couldn't stay away.

It's perfect timing.

We are up to our peaches with magical creatures and about to kick some ass.

I'm in.

[MEOWS]

[GROANING]

Johnny, just be honest with me.

This thing between us, it isn't real.

It never was. It doesn't exist.

Get it together, John.

Come on. Get your head together.

- [SIGHS]
- [MEOWS]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, I know what you're thinking.

You want me to put things back the way they were, but that's not gonna bloody happen.

[MEOWS]

No, I'm not all right to be honest.

[GROWLS]

So what kind of fun costumes are we gonna need for this mission?

We don't do costumes anymore.

Yeah, we stopped so we could streamline missions.

Yeah, why get all dressed up if we're just wasting these magical creatures straight away.

[COUGHS]

I mean, please tell me you don't keep a trophy room of their skulls.

[LAUGHTER]

What do we look like? Barbarians?

- No, we just toss them.
- You what?

Yeah, ever since that Fairy Godmother k*lled

Nate, Ray, and Rory we just waste any magical creature that comes in our path.

No questions asked.

Well, they can't all be bad.

We haven't met a good one.

Hey, how is Zambesi?

Hmm? Who?

Zambesi. Where you're from.

It's great.

Yeah, it's, like, chill.

Super chill. [LAUGHS]

If I do what you ask,

I'd be sending Desmond to hell.

[GROANS]

[MEOWS]

Yeah, I know, maybe I deserve this insanity.

Oh, you're all soft.

Oy, wake up, losers. I know how to fix it.

Right, we got to take care of the Fairy Godmother in Salem.

Fire up the ship. I'm heading up there now.

- [g*ns CHARGING]
- Cor blimey.

No more tea and crumpets for this dodgy doppelganger.

Hard Drive here knew you weren't really Amaya all along.

I'm equipped to detect shapeshifter pheromones.

How fortunate our white whale swam right into our net.

What is with you guys and white whales?

Oh, you really think you three can take me?

Oh, I can take you alone. [LAUGHS]

Damn it. Get back here!

Oh, hey. How were the Sirens in Space-Time?

Well, they're not the Custodians.

They may actually be worse.

Now, let's go save the lads.

The three of you have been so rude with your nasty attitude.

♪ It will be ever so sublime ♪

♪ To slowly choke you up with vines ♪

Whatever you're gonna do, Charlie,

you better make it fast.

I got this.

♪ A peach or a cherry ♪

♪ Any good thing to make us so merry ♪

Prudence.

Fairy Godmother, are you finished?

That was fast.

Yes, and I was thinking, if I'm to be your Fairy Godmother, you must start behaving like a proper young lady.

How do you mean?

Oh, nothing dreadful or out of the ordinary.

Just chores, daily baths, church service each morning,and you must start eating broccoli.

But I don't want all that.

Well, until our bond is severed,

I'm afraid that's the way it must be.

Now, eat the broccoli.

Fairy Godmother, I relinquish you.

That's cool.

♪ I alone may become satiated ♪

♪ When you're all asphyxiated ♪

My bond with Prudence has been severed.

[g*n WHIRS]

Oh, fiddlesticks.

You know, I hate to jinx us, but I really think we nailed it this time.

I just hope you guys are right.

What's wrong? What are you looking at?

There something on my nose?

Bollocks.

- Anything yet?
- Don't rush me, luv.

Who knows what surprises wait for us in here.

Looks like there's reptilians in the Renaissance.

Sounds like a team meeting.

I'll just pop in and say hello, shall I?

So put on your period-appropriate boots because we are going lizard stomping.

Oh, hey, everybody, look.

It's our good friend, John Constantine.

ALL: Yay.

What the...

ALL: ♪ Flying through history ♪

♪ Solving some mysteries ♪

♪ We give bad guys the boot ♪

♪ In super hero suits ♪

♪ We'll win our victory ♪

♪ By stopping witchery ♪

♪ So they've got magic ♪

♪ Well we've got heart and fabric ♪

♪ Puppets of Tomorrow ♪

♪ Puppets of Tomorrow today ♪

Welcome to "DC's Puppets of Tomorrow."

"Fraggle Rock" is going on here?

Well, today we learned about the importance of cooperating.

And about the number three.

And about a famous man from history named Napoleon.

ALL: Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

I think I need a drink.

Ooh, we can help.

♪ When you're thirsty for a drink ♪

♪ And you just can't reach a sink ♪

ALL: ♪ You gotta ask for a help ♪

No, stop. All right, please, please.

- No more singing.
- [ALL GRUMBLE]

Just tell me, why are you puppets?

Because Rory called us a bunch of Time Bureau puppets.

Yeah, and then he ran off with his new partner in crime.

[ROCK MUSIC]

♪ ♪

So did you figure out how I turned into a damn puppet?

Yeah, it's worse than I thought.

After we managed to separate the Fairy Godmother from Prudence, she somehow glommed onto Rory.

You can probably figure out the rest.

Well, we're just gonna have to keep fixing what's broken

- until we get it right.
- Yeah.

[DETERMINED MUSIC]

♪ ♪

Damn it.

Nope.

Hmm.

No plaques.

No plaques. No plaques.

We did it. I'm shocked to bits.

Everyone's alive, Zari's human again, and I still have my powers.

Ah, that's smashing news, luv.

Yeah. I mean, sure, it's got a few cracks, but fixed the timeline.

- See that, Zari.
- John, are you okay?

Yeah, yeah, it's... Never better.

[TENSE MUSIC]

John. John.

[GROANS] What happened?

Passed out, mate.

He didn't just pass out.

His brain can't handle this wad of bandages you call a timeline.

I can take the pain, luv.

What if you can't?

What if you die, John?

What happens to all the people who need you alive and Constantine-y?

Yeah, well, you can leave that to the real heroes, all right, because I'm done giving a damn.

Oh, I see.

This is isn't about saving Desmond anymore.

It's an excuse for you to give up on yourself.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, just leave him alone, will you?

You think because there's no plaques the world is fixed?

I promise you, it's just as messed up out there as it is in John's brain.

[GROANS]

I know you don't want to send Desmond to hell, but that doesn't have to be the end of the story.

You of all people can find a way to keep fighting for him.

Go to New Orleans and set things right.

Don't listen to her.

Come on, John. It's you and me.

We can make this timeline work.

No, Charlie.

We've tried over, and over, and over to get what we wanted and it hasn't worked.

Zari's right.

There's still hope for Desmond, and maybe there's still hope for your powers too.

Hope?

My powers aren't some magic trick.

They're who I am.

I'm not gonna just sit around and hope that they come back.

I'll fight for them.

[GROANS]

[TENSE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

This ain't over.

Not by a long sh*t.

Ava, I wasn't expecting to see you here.

Yeah, the Bureau got an emergency alert about a magical presence in New Orleans, .

I thought maybe we could check it out together.

Let's get to work.

Cool.

[FURTIVE MUSIC]

♪ ♪

[GROANS] Jeez.

I didn't live this specific moment, but I remember it.

It's all part of jumbled, bloody memory.

By the way, only about % of what you're saying makes any sense, but by all means continue.

Right, so the earliest me just left for the market.

The other one is upstairs breaking up with Dez right now, and when Dez leaves upset, I stop him.

Put things back to normal.

All right, good luck.

Blimey, that's a lot of a*mo.

- Blimey?
- Huh?

Oh, I meant wow.

All right, boys, orders are sh**t to k*ll.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

Shouldn't we discuss what kind of creature we're dealing with here?

We can't just go in g*ns a-blazing.

What if whatever's causing this is just a little misguided?

It's a magical fugitive.

We k*ll those.

You two head out. Stay on the comms.

I k*lled the man I loved, and for what?

To buy New Orleans a little more time?

Neron needs souls...

Okay, right, I think... I think that something should be landing right here any second now.

I work alone.

Got it.

All right, Gideon, what are we looking at?

I've located multiple targets on the ground

each one with a substantial magical signature.

Do we have a visual yet?

Coming up now.

Wait, that's John Constantine, and there's more than one of him.

Looks like our shapeshifter has a shapeshifter friend.

Wait a second, how do you know that that's not really Constantine out there?

Because it's John Constantine.

He doesn't time travel.

Believe me. I tried to recruit him.

Okay, so why don't we capture all three of them so we can find out if any of them are the real John?

What is wrong with you? You feeling okay?

I'm fine. I'm just a firm believer in taking precautions.

Precautions. Good one.

Ray, Rory, what's your status?

All right, we're in position, with our sights on the shapeshifter.

When do we get to sh**t?

All right, on my mark, open fire.

Sara, don't.

Damn it, Ava, why not?

'Cause I'm the shapeshifter.

Guys, stand down, we have a code blue on the ship.

What the hell's a code blue?

Just don't sh**t yet.

There's something going on in your life.

Just be honest with me.

Yeah, do you know what? This thing between us?

It isn't real. It never was.

It doesn't exist.

You should go.

Yeah, you're right. I should.

But this, this was real, Johnny.

Hey, you... you dropped this.

My phone.

How did you get down here? You were just upstairs.

Yeah, never mind about that right now.

I have something really important to tell you.

You know what? I think you've said quite enough today already...

No, no, Dez, please.

Give me a minute, all right?

So you're the shapeshifter.

Why do you look like Amaya?

It is complicated, but this is how you know me.

What's happened to the Legends to make you like this?

What do you mean?

You guys are so intent on k*lling magical creatures.

Can't you see that this is wrong?

Not really.

Look, now I know this sounds crazy, but the me that you were just speaking to upstairs is my past.

So you break up with me out of the blue, act like a total ass, and suddenly that's in the past, just like that?

Listen, literally, that is me from ages ago, but the person who's standing in front of you right now is a little bit older and he's a little bit wiser.

Sure. Still playing games, clearly.

Look.

I thought this was real.

Yeah, it is real, Dez, and that's why I moved heaven and earth so that I could save you from a lifetime and eternity of anguish, anguish that I caused.

Look...

I guess what I'm trying to say is I'm sorry you ever even met me.

Don't be sorry.

Only a fool would fall in love in John Constantine and not expect it to be rocky.

I knew the risks and I took 'em anyway for you.

I'm still pissed at you.

Why can't we just go back to the ways things were?

That's exactly what I was thinking.

What is that?

Know one thing, Desmond.

I'm not quitting on you.

[ELECTRONIC ZAPS]

Sara, crazy-looking Constantine just memory-flashed a civilian.

Can we sh**t him yet?

Wait for my signal.

I'm dealing with a situation on the ship.

Constantine might be...

Sara? Sara?

Hold on a second, Ray.

Where did you get that?

Look, I don't know who you are, or why you are on my ship, but you're never leaving.

Oh, hello, handsome.

What are you doing standing in the middle of the street?

I was...

You... you went to the market.

I did.

Next thing I know I was standing in the street.

- I don't know.
- [CHUCKLES]

Wait, Sara, please.

Just tell me why you're so intent on k*lling magical creatures.

Because that's how we stay alive.

[GROANS]

Stop doing that!

- Don't you remember London?
- No.

When you and I first met and I helped you see the truth about magical creatures.

And how did you do that?

By being me?

By showing you that I'm not here to hurt humans.

That not all monsters need to be put down.

That's cute, but never happened.

What...

How can you not remember?

Bollocks.

Because of Constantine, you and I never met and you never changed.

I'm the missing ingredient in every one of these botched timelines.

I'm sorry, but all I see is a thr*at that needs to be taken out.

Ray, fire when ready.

- You got eggs.
- I got the eggs.

I got the bread. Got everything we need.

Soufflé?

Soufflé, but first things first, eh.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC]

♪ ♪

♪ ♪

You need to be a part of the team.

Your shapeshifting days are over, sweetheart.

- No!
- I know who's coming for you.

But choosing a life of magic,

it never leads to a happy ending.

That's the thing about time travel,

there's always a way.

I'm sorry, Dez.

John, you okay?

Yeah, well, my mind is no longer split in two, but can't say the same about my heart though.

You?

Well, lost my powers.
Back to being mortal.

Sorry, guys. It had to be done.

Well, let's go on and find the Legends, shall we?

Yeah, see if all this was worth it.

Yeah.

Well, everything seems pretty normal so far.

This isn't over, you dingalings.

You better watch your knees, Sara Lance.

Oh, no, is everyone a puppet again?

What?

- What are you talking about?
- I'll k*ll you all!

I got an anti-magic isolation chamber with your name on it, Mike the Spike.

Ah, the usual insanity that passes for normal around here.

What is this?

Why are you being so weird?

Well, I...

I do have a little bit of a tale to tell, to be honest.

You fancy a drink?

Hmm, one of those stories.

Let's go.

Hey, Zari, I wanted to say that I'm sorry.

For what? For stuffing me into a bag or almost destroying all of history?

Well, yeah, that too, but what I'm really sorry about is that we got off on the wrong foot.

You're a shapeshifter.

Your whole deal is tricking people.

Yeah, but now I'm being honest with you.

You know, I could have been anyone when I got my powers back.

Do you know why I kept coming back to this form?

Because Amaya is very hot?

It's because this is the form I was when I joined the Legends.

Now, I have been a part of many crews, and you guys...

Well, you're not rubbish.

Listen, destroying history for personal gain, it's happened to almost everyone here.

Rite of passage.

So you think I'm hot then?

I made snicker doodles with your recipe.

Not bad.

Hmm.

I'm reading your novel. I'm on the last chapter.

Your females characters are shallow, libidinous, and so much fun to read.

Hmm. Thanks.

Yeah, good job, um, Rebecca Silver?

Nom de plume.

Got it.

So let me get this straight.

They're making love on the surface of the sun?

It's a metaphor.

Got it.

And the worst part?

It didn't even make a bloody difference.

I was a fool thinking I could outrun this fight flying around with you lot.

Yeah, we tend to fly directly into fights.

But we do it together, and we have your back.

Well, as long as you know what you're getting yourself into because a demon like Neron, he doesn't just want to win.

He wants to win in the cruelest possible way.

[CELL PHONE RINGING]

Yeah?

The Kaupe escaped?

Here's what I want you to do.

Track him down and recapture him, or else.

Um, there's been a setback, but we'll make it right.

[OMINOUS MUSIC]

Oh, you'd better.