01x07 - The King and I

[bunniefuu]

(theme music playing)

♪ All night long ♪
♪ Hey, now, now, now, now ♪
♪ Hey, little baby ♪
♪ You been on my mind ♪
♪ Look in my dreams ♪
♪ Your taste is all I find ♪
♪ Hey, now, darling ♪
♪ Where you stay out all night long ♪
♪ I wanna tell you ♪
♪ You know your daddy's home ♪
♪ All night long ♪
♪ All night long. ♪

(Cece, distant) Richie.

(distant) Richie.

(distant) Richie.

Richie.

You want me to get rid of all of this?

Yeah.

Marvin: sh*t, maybe boss is on the wagon.

It look like Christmas up in here. Come on.

Hey, guys, which one?

The Allmans.

Skip: Spare me the Russian novel. We'll live.

Scott: What if we put a moratorium on appetizers or set some parameters?

Zak: No, the bleeding stops now.

Skip: Your Diners Club card, let's go.

Ante up, boss. No one's exempt.

What are you telling me? It was my idea.

All right, take it easy.

Scott: Richie, artists, program directors expect some... some wining and dining.

Guys, the job is still the job.

Okay, except now we submit receipts which will be vetted.

So, before Julie sends a third bottle of Dom to Jose f*cking Feliciano, you ask yourself if you'd be okay paying out of pocket.

Act British, spend Yiddish.

Good news is, thanks to some difficult cuts, payroll's down to 33,000 a month, which we're still not gonna make.

Uh, no, wait.

No, definitely won't.

f*ck!

Losing Hannibal f*cked us.

Put down your pearls, for Christ's sake.

Hey, we're about to turn a corner.

That's exactly what the Nazis told my Uncle Isaac.

Showers right around the corner.

f*ck Hannibal. He's next year's Stan Free.

We're running lean, guys, hungry.

That's what we want to be.

Mission accomplished.

Okay, let's figure out how to pay our serfs.

Richie's apartment.

Now he's got a f*cking abacus.

Okay, first of all, it's a company apartment.

That's funny. I never get to stay there.

I'm out six nights a week, all hours.

How much is it?

1,100 a month.

If that breaks us, we deserve to break.

The plane.

Lou Meshejian.

Skip: Newville Records?

Yeah, wants to buy. 470,000.

He assumes the payments on the loan, we net 90 grand.

That's three months' payroll.

Yep, just about.

Cash, too.

What's the catch?

Got to be now.

As in?

As in today.

Skip: How long have you known about this?

He's looking at other options.

At least there's no rush.

Okay, great, listen, I'll draw up a contract.

Don't want to be liable if the plane crashes or blows up.

What the f*ck you saying?

What is wrong with you?

All right, relax.

Just draw up a simple bill of sale, okay?

Jesus Christ.

I'll go, make the deal face to face.

You're gonna go? What, you got nothing better to do around here?

Lou knows me.

If he balks, I can close him.

Oh, yeah.

Look, I want to clear my head. Is that okay?

Six-hour plane ride. No phone calls.

You can't live without me for a day?

I'm...

(knocks)

Yikes, did I miss anything?

How could you miss anything at a partners meeting?

Aw, Skip. What's the buy-in?

I'll go get my change purse.

(laughs)

Focus is playing Wollman next week.

Yodeling fans rejoice.

Their "Hocus Pocus" is hanging by bloody fingernails to just south of 40.

That's pretty good for us.

Get a pop on it.

Let me write that down.

"Get a pop on it."

(laughing)

Who still talks like that?

Scott: This f*cking guy.

Somebody drank their Tang this morning.

Can I sic Corso on ABC?

Use somebody else.

Corso's on another thing.

What? We don't got bread to spread around.

Corso's perfect. He goes in, he does the Magilla Gorilla thing.

It's top 40, done.

You know what? Fine. Whatever.

So let it be written, so let it be done.

As you were, gentlemen.

Hey, the whole gorilla thing, that just stays with us, right?

I'll make a note of it on the way to pick up your panty shields.

Oh!

She's a regular Phyllis Diller, that one.

I'm coming with you.

You hate LA.

I hate everywhere.

Scott: Where's breakfast?

Where the f*ck is Clark with the donuts?

Or did we cut those, too?

Skip: Wouldn't surprise me.

You don't need a donut.

♪ I bought a '30 Ford Wagon and we call it a Woody ♪
♪ Surf City, here we come ♪
♪ You know it's not very cherry ♪
♪ It's an oldie but a goody ♪
♪ Surf City, here we come ♪
♪ Well, it ain't got a back seat or a rear window ♪
♪ But it still gets me where I want to go ♪
♪ We're going to Surf City 'cause it's two to one ♪

♪ We're going to Surf City, gonna have some fun... ♪

You realize Jim Morrison had his last three-way on this plane?

Far as I know.

So, Devon, huh?

Still no call?

No, she calls plenty.

She calls the accountant, calls the lawyer.

Hm.

Well, not like you can blame her.

(sighs)

You're gonna read?

One can't undo a perception once perceived, Zak.

Does it say how you can get unfucked?

'Cause I'd like to be unfucked by you, huh?

Can you tell me when you get to that chapter?

One day. One day, huh?

Couldn't keep it together for one day.

My daughter's bat mitzvah.

You know, I'm big enough to say I'm sorry.

Oh, you passed sorry a month ago.

We're in the donating an organ phase of contrition.

You're not the only one going through things.

Right, well, at least we share a common enemy.

Okay, you know what? Who the f*ck are you, Oliver Twist?

I mean, between the f*cking whining about the money...

Oh, yeah, yeah, because my kids and the whole "We want to eat, Dad."

They're such assholes.

Bullshit!

How much you drop on that party, huh? 30 grand? 50?

How much flake did you snort last week, huh?

I'm off the sh*t, okay?

Right, right. Well, what time is it?

This, Zak, this is how people get their noses broken.

I'm just putting it out there in the universe.

You sucker punched me.

Which, by the way, that should be the title of my memoir about working with you.

You want to bust my scrote, why'd you come on this trip?

Because you're an infant, Richie.

I'd trust my wife naked in bed with Burt Reynolds before I'd trust you with 100 grand in cash.

I partly see your point.

You were in rare form that night.

You don't even f*cking remember.

I...

I have a vague recollection of you screaming at me.

It's just... you hurt me, Richie.

Gets old.

How I don't have an ear, you know?

Hey.

It's coke bullshit.

Okay? We built this company on your back as much as anyone.

More.

Thanks.

Yeah.

You sure?

Yeah.

Hey, listen, wasn't gonna say anything.

But I get the feeling you will.

Maury Gold, hmm? And Corrado Galasso...

Nah.

...coming into the office.

Yeah, you know what I'm talking about.

Galasso's niece is a big fan of the J-5, so I got her and the friends backstage passes.

Maury brought him by.

You know, thank you, kiss the ring.

(chuckles) Okay, yeah.

Godfather bullshit.

No, I figured something like that.

I just...

There was a singer at the party.

This kid, I'm telling you, like Bowie.

Yeah, he did a Bowie song.

Had a moody vibe.

Just different. Better.

Better.

I mean, I'm just thinking about bring him in, just make a demo.

You should.

You always wanted to try A&R.

Maybe. I don't know.

She'll be back, Devon.

The silence in the morning.

The kids.

Yeah.

Yeah.

I think what I'd do without Moira.

What's your secret? 'Cause I can't get the bitch to leave.

(laughing)

No matter what I do.

Libations!

Yeah, darling, give me another one, please.

A threesome here? Right here? Jim Morrison?

Right here.

Never had one.

Really?

No, I wouldn't know what goes where, who does what.

I come so fast. Why disappoint two women?

Right?

Cheap date.

♪ Two girls for every boy. ♪

Bellamy: Oh, come sit with us, honey.

I have to get to work.

It's the middle of the day.

Going out at night is part of the job.

Sit.

I think your mom's just worried that the music company isn't an appropriate place.

You're so young.

And so trashy.

Go ahead and say it.

"For this I survived the Nazis?"

She doesn't want you here.

I didn't say that.

I will give you enough for your own apartment.

You can continue to work.

If you won't take the business, I can sell.

You find a job in a place with good people, with the right kind of business.

This is exactly the business I want.

(speaking Polish)

She's gonna bribe you to put me on the street.

She thinks you'll jump at it.

That's not very nice.

I would like you now to stay out of it.

My brother always made excuses for you and I understand you've been through some unpleasant things, but I have never been anything but polite.

I don't want your money.

You have no idea what you're doing.

I guess we'll see.

Announcer: Frankie Crocker!


Frankie on radio: Hello, New York.

Here's a song guaranteed to put...

White boy!

(laughing)

He totally backed up.

Watch this. Woolworth makes sports coats now?

(laughing)

Oh, you hear that?

You hear that?

Oh, there it is. Turn it up.

(music playing)

Whoo!

Whoo!

I saw these guys at the Academy a few months back.

Oh, you know what? I actually saw these guys at the Academy a few months back and they were fantastic.

But you don't know nothing about this. You ready?

There you go.

Get him. Get him, Jorge.

In your face.

(whooping)

Don't hurt him!

Don't hurt him.

What you got?

That's what I'm talking about, baby.

Oh, this m*therf*cker.

(laughing)

sh*t.

(laughing)

Oh, now, screw me.

Oh! Ooh, you ain't gonna get it.

(laughing)

Uh-uh, no. No, no, no. That's my seat.

All right.

Don't even think about it, h*nky-tonk. That's my seat, baby.

Come on, man.

That's Hector's seat.

Hector was let go.

That's right.

What the f*ck did I just say?

I'm just supposed to stand?

At least you got a job to stand at, right?

f*cking Hector's standing on line down at unemployment.

(laughing)

Seriously, though, we need to check them out at the Academy.

(mocking) Oh, I can't wait to check them out at the Academy, yes.

(laughing)

All right, gentlemen, get back to work, please.

We got deadlines and sh*t.

(music playing)

♪ Got on board a westbound... ♪

Okay, nice. All here.

No Confederate money.

Lou, she's all yours.

Thank you, gentlemen.

She's a beauty.

A Venus with wings.

Title's in the glove box.

Hey, guys, I'm gonna take great care of her.

Clean her up, air her out.

She'll be like new, huh?

Hey, Richie.

You still got the bronze shag in the cabin?

Up to your ankles. You walk around barefoot, feels like you're walking on a cloud.

I remember when I hitched a ride back from Monterey.

Times change, huh?

My wife picked out that color.

I think I'm gonna go with alpaca.

My lady's a colorist. She did David Carradine's bungalow.

Tangerine.

Mykonos blue. What do you think?

Blend in with the sky, right?

Harder a plane is to see, the harder it is to sh**t down.

Are you flying over Da Nang?

I can't keep up. Detroit, Boston, Ontario.

And that was just last weekend.

Having three albums in the top 10 is like juggling cats.

But the work, right? Keeps us hungry.

You're gonna bounce back.

A few more years, I'll be buying a 747 off of you.

ACR is doing fine.

Hey, I'm having a thing at my Malibu place.

Good people. Mellow vibe.

I got to stop into town for a quick meeting, but you should swing by.

(sighs) What do you want to do?

Take a sh*t in the cockpit.

It's seven hours till our flight.

It's like Bataan out here.

Let's go. Go to the airport.

k*ll some time at the Clipper Club.

That prick is gonna spread the word that ACR is done.

Eh, what are you gonna do?

Steal half his roster.

♪ Me got fire, can't put it out ♪
♪ Drink firewater, gonna make you shout ♪
♪ I'm going down to get my squaw ♪
♪ We gonna buy a great big car ♪
♪ Me big chief, me feeling good ♪
♪ Me gonna do everything me could ♪
♪ Me big chief, me got 'em tribe ♪
♪ Me gonna take 'em for a ride ♪
♪ My spyboy just went by ♪
♪ My flagboy is full of fire... ♪

Mama.

Richie, how are you?

Nice place.

Thanks.

Beautiful.

Aw, thank you.

Oh, Stu. You all right? Good.

Zak: There he is. Find out.

Hey.

Hey, Richie. You know Gram Parsons?

Only on wax. Nice to meet you.

Hey, man.

Captain Many Hands. Give it to me.

Oh, man.

Skin.

Nobody calls me that anymore.

Hey, "Manassas," I dug it.

Oh, you were the one.

Come on.

Yeah, what happened? Who'd you piss off at "Rolling Stone"?

Hey, f*ck "Rolling Stone," okay?

What, they throw David Cassidy on the g*dd*mn cover?

What is that?

How you guys doing?

We're good. Great, actually.

Yeah?

When's the last time you were in New York?

It's f*cking electric right now.

Here, too, man. Can you even believe this?

Yeah, no, out of sight.

Hey, you happy?

Yeah, man.

No, man, are you happy?

Can make some real music, you and me.

I heard you guys were getting out.

What? No.

What? No. Come on.

No, PolyGram came begging us to sell.

"The Man in the Gray Flannel Suit."

Is that your trip?

Yeah, well, I left my kimono home.

(laughs)

Here.

Some pineapple.

Makes your cum taste sweet.

Boy, pheasant just lands on your shotgun, doesn't it?

Hey, you been to Joshua Tree?

Uh, no, I'm good. I haven't, no.

Me and my old lady are heading out tomorrow.

Nice. I hear the sunsets are amazing.

Sunrise, man. Cap Rock where the desert meets the sky.

It's like you're born into a new world.

Some peyote, a few buttons, that ball comes up, mild silver and furious gold.

It's delicious, man.

You could find it again.

Find what, man?

Like, that thing of beauty maybe you lost or let go.

It's still out there.

That's the trip.

Getting that back or letting it go for good.

Woman: Hey, Stephen.

Cass.

Come on over.

Hey, man, later days.

Yeah, right.

Hey, pretty lady. It's good to see you.

Saw you on "Carson."

This whole city is a f*cking mortuary with an ocean view.

Come on, let's... we'll make the 4:00.

What, and let Meshejian piss all over us?

No, we stay. We work the room and remind these freaks we're still a force.

(sighs) All right, well, I'm starving.

I'm gonna get to the buffet before you know who.

(chuckles)

(music playing)

♪ Doctor, my eyes have seen the years... ♪

(snorts)

♪ And the slow parade of fears... ♪

I'm good, Lou, thanks.

There is no certainty in this world.

Of only this can we be certain.

Yeah, well, times change.

Although maybe not here. Let me ask you something.

Is that f*cking Micky Dolenz?

You see the film "Head"? He's good people.

Yeah, crème De la.

Hey, look, it's Fabian.

You're a trip, Richie.

Never leave New York. The anger suits you.

Check it, Richie.

I see David.

And I see Stephen.

And I see Neil.

Hey, Neil! One minute.

Richie: What, reunion?

Good luck with that. People get divorced for a reason.

They mingle, they pass the peace pipe.

I do a Kissinger and it's Crosby, Stills, Nash, and Young this spring.

I hear recycling's big out here.

Easier than making something new.

I just laid down a track called "Hooked On a Feeling" by this out of sight Swedish group.

"Hooked On a Feeling"? The B.J. Thomas song from yesteryear?

Guaranteed four to five spins a day.

Gonna be huge.

Okay.

What about ACR? You dropping anything?

Yeah, I'm laying down a k*ller track in New York right now.

What's it called?

"f*ck the Rush."

(music playing)

♪ Don't think about it ♪
♪ All you got to do is do it ♪
♪ Don't talk about it ♪

♪ All you do is do it ♪

♪ Do it, don't lie about it ♪
♪ Do it, do it ♪
♪ D-d-d-d-d-d-do it ♪

♪ Do it, do it, do it, do it, do it... ♪

Look, Elvis is never gonna leave his label.

That's not what I heard.

I'm making it with a chick from RCA legal.

He's gonna leave RCA after 20 years?

Bullshit. "Aloha's" already quadruple platinum.

To the bank, take it. He's gonna finish his Vegas thing, then the colonel's gonna shop him.

Yeah, that's the spot. Yeah, for sure.

Oh, hey.

This f*cking place.

Richie, Richie.

Listen to me. July 1, 1956.

Elvis on "Steve Allen."

He's not happy. He wants to move.

Yeah, I've heard rumors. You think it's legit?

He's in Vegas. An hour away.

We go, we find out.

f*ck, f*ck, f*ck, f*ck.

He's expensive. He's expensive. We can't afford him.

We worry about that after we sign Elvis Aaron f*cking Presley.

I love what you just f*cking said.

(music playing)

♪ I sleep all day, out all night ♪
♪ I know where you're going... ♪

LAX, Jeeves.

Oh, I'm sorry. This is Mr. Meshejian's car, fellas.

Here, there's another 100 for you if you get us to LAX in 30 minutes.

All right, then.

Anything else I can do for you gentlemen?

Turn this f*cking up.

♪ Jumping up, falling down ♪
♪ Don't misunderstand me ♪
♪ You don't think I don't know your plans? ♪
♪ What you trying to hand me? ♪

Have you seen Clark?

He's right through there.

Hey.

Hey.

These f*cking mail room guys.

I was already hazed in college.

It's temporary.

Yeah, till I find another job.

Mm, the threads. You had an interview?

Look, don't burn me, okay?

I'm better than this.

And I'm not?

I was you three years ago.

And now I'm back to being you.

It's against the natural order.

You know what they like, Julie and Richie?

Let's see, blow jobs, coke, the sound of their own voices.

Hustle. Moxie.

I've got those.

If I had tits and decided to f*ck my acts as a signing bonus, yeah, I'd be on top.

And that's why you're getting my lunch.

No, no, no, wait. Wait, wait, wait.

I just...

What, are you gonna cry now?

No, can you stay?

For a minute? Please?

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It just... I don't know. You don't know what it's like.

I, um...

I was supposed to... my dad by the time he was my age, he had a master's degree and, like, five medals from the Navy.

And I get coffee.

You do more than that, Clark.

Yeah, sometimes I get donuts.

(chuckles)

I just thought I had one thing that I was good at.

My mom wants me out on the street. f*ck 'em.

Just pay attention to what people say.

Or what they don't.

I don't know. (laughs)

(laughs)

Here.

Some weed.

(woman moaning)

Oh, yes.

♪ It's not unusual to be loved by anyone ♪
♪ It's not unusual... ♪

I'm sorry, we're fully occupied.

It's a weekday.

Floor tile convention.

You know what? My friend Mr. Franklin knows the manager.

One suite, two beds. Best I can do.

Look at that.

Sold.

Hey, you told them the lobby, right?

Yeah. Zak, there he is.

Colonel Tom f*cking Parker.

Zak: f*ck me in the fuckhole.

(clears throat)

Colonel, thank you for meeting us.

What a pleasure. Richie Finestra.

This is my partner Zak...

You're not here.

I'm not here.

We all just happen to be here.

There are tickets waiting for you with my compliments.

You will wait for my call after the show.

If I like what I hear, perhaps you could come up, tell Elvis and me what's on your mind.

How it is and shall be.

Understood.

And you?

We're not even here, right?

Though, assuming we were, is he gonna play "Mystery Train"?

I love that song.

Saw part of that song in '57.

I kind of got knocked out during a riot.

But that's neither here nor there.

Ahem.

Not so much a request.

Hey.

He'll tell him.

Joe: "Hocus Pocus," it's catchy.

It rhymes. The kids love it.

Come on, buddy. All parts.

You rammed Helen Reddy down my throat last week.

Now I got to play this sh*t?

It's already going north. 50 spins.

All parts. We're bound for glory, you and me.

I need a vacation.

(blows raspberry)

This'll barely get me to the Poconos.

Morning drive, weekends only.

Stop being a cock. This is very expensive scotch you're drinking.

I hear Paris is gorgeous this time of year.

(sighs)

Here, choke on a baguette.

Whoa! Martin and Lewis.

Hey, Joe. How are you?

How you doing? Sit down. Have a drink.

Nah, we're just finishing up.

Buddy Stengel, program director, WABC.

Say hi to Maury Gold and Corrado Galasso.

How are you?

He's great. He's helping our friend Richie by playing this noise or else you deal with him.

(laughs)

Excuse me, gentlemen, while I powder my nose.

You used my name. What, are you stupid?

I'm sorry, I just...

f*cking assh*le.

Yeah, maybe Joe can help us with the Tommy James thing.

Right? You know? This f*cking oldies station.

Trying to get him heavier rotation, right?

Sure, I'll make some calls.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Think before you talk, huh?

(music playing)

♪ In the morning you go gunning... ♪

Hey, so...

(whispering)

Itzak, where's your manners?

Oh! Oh.

Great white hunter catch more than daiquiri.

(all laugh)

Hello.

Hi.

Patty. Vivian. Zak.

Mmm.

Charmed, I'm sure.

Oh, so graceful.

Oh.

(growling)

(laughing)

Oh, my God.

This one'll do.

Is she kosher?

I tasted a little Oriental, but it's fine.

Sit, sit, sit. Come on, come on.

Welcome, ladies.

So, music men.

Both: Record men.

Oh, sorry.

Oh.

(laughs)

Give... you ever meet a Beatle?

Does Ringo count?

No.

No. No.

Definitely not.

Where you girls from?

We live here. Over in Henderson.

Nobody's from here. Where'd you grow up?

And I know we're taking you all the way back to last month.

(laughing)

I'm from Scranton.

Mm-hmm.

St. Paul.

Duluth, actually. Trying to be fancy.

Well, then things are looking up for you.

So, what are you fellas up to this evening?

Oh, you mean besides taking you ladies to go see Elvis?

The King! The King!

Elvis?

(groans)

Oh, come on. It'll be fun.

You know, my mom loves Elvis.

Ouch.

Oh!

Whoa, hold on. This is the big one, Elizabeth.

(laughing)

I'm coming to join you, honey.

Sounds just like him, right?

Okay.

I'm working on it.

Let's do it. Okay, let's do it. Can we get dressed up?

No! Why? Why would you go and spoil things right now?

Ooh!

You're wearing too much as it is.

Patty: You want this?

Uh-huh, sure.

Where'd that come from? You're like a magician, aren't you?

(laughs)

This is beautiful.

(snorts) That's what it was.

I thought you had a third nipple for a sec.

Hey, record man. Why don't you come to the party?

Get involved.

Come on, it'll be fun.

So, Duluth.

Yeah, Duluth.

Zak: Yes, yes. I flew over it once.

Uh-huh.

Still took too long.

(laughs)

Hey, come here.

(squeals)

(laughing)

(screams)

Oh, he's saying he likes her.

Oh, my gosh.

(neck cracks)

(music playing)

Little help?

Goal, m*therf*cker. Pay up.

Honestly, guys, if we all pitched in, we can get these overnights out in, like, five minutes, okay?

Oh, oh.

You know, I got this thing with my lumbago, man.

We're receiving. Them shits is outgoing, baby.

And I suppose I'm outgoing.

No, Hector was outgoing.

Double or nothing. Let's go.

Come...

What are you doing?

Yo, this ain't break time.

Man, let's just do this maricon already, man.

Get up.

Whoa, hey.

Smoke break.

♪ And I don't take them in ♪
♪ What they do? ♪
♪ They smiling at your face ♪
♪ All these guys, they want to take your place ♪
♪ The backstabbers ♪
♪ Backstabbers... ♪

You want to help me hit this sh*t before you kick my m*therf*cking h*nky ass?

(scoffs)

Elvis: Some of y'all never been down South too much.

I'm gonna tell you a little story so's you understand what I'm talking about.

Down there we have a plant that grows out in the woods and the fields and it looks something like a turnip green.

Everybody calls it Polk salad.

(applause)

But it's Polk salad.

Ho!

Used to know a little girl down there.

She'd go out in the evenings and pick a mess of it, carry it home and cook it for supper.

That's about all they had to eat.

Woman: I love you, King!

But they did all right.

Woman: Marry me, Elvis!

♪ Down in Louisiana ♪
♪ Where the alligator grow so mean ♪
♪ Lives a girl that I swear to the world ♪
♪ Made the alligators look tame ♪
♪ Polk Salad Annie ♪
♪ Hup ♪
♪ Gator got your granny ♪
♪ Everybody says it was a shame ♪
♪ 'Cause her mama was working on a chain g*ng ♪
♪ A mean, vicious ♪
♪ Straight razor toting woman ♪
♪ Lord have mercy... ♪

This is Elvis?

"Hound Dog." "All Shook Up."

Why's this happening, Richie?

What is this?

"Polk Salad Annie."

The King of Rock and Roll is singing about lettuce.

Okay, take it easy, champ.

♪ Ho! ♪

What, did you guys see the same movie?

He's kind of hot.

You think so?

I mean, except for the threads, but, yeah.

I'd make it with him.

Yeah, well, he already f*cked my ear holes.

Shh.

Why not?

Come on, it's still Elvis, okay?

Who else on the planet can say that?

This isn't Elvis!

"I Got a Woman."

Shh. All right.

"Mystery Train."

Hey!

Shh, shh.

Get to the main course.

Richie: The colonel's watching.

♪ Ho! ♪

♪ Oh, get after it ♪
♪ Ho, yeah. ♪

(applause)

(music stops)

(music resumes)

Should we go up?

Gross.

You're right. You're right.

This is a tragedy.

f*ck JFK, MLK, Vietnam.

This... no, this... I can't, man.

Rock and roll has d*ed tonight, my friend.

We're leaving?

Yeah. What, you want to stay for the Oompa Loompa number?

All right, fine. Let's go before we blow it.

♪ Sock a little, sock a little... ho! ♪
♪ Come on, baby, come on... ♪

(vocalizing)

♪ Sock a little... ♪

Zak: Okay, come on, Richie, here we go.

Here we go. Here we... 18!

18, player wins.

(cheering)

Zak: Five in a row!

Vivian: 18 again? That's crazy.

Mwah! Oh, f*ck. You can't lose.

I've seen this before.

You can't lose. I feel it.

He can't lose, Gunther.

This guy's SS right next to you. Don't even look at him.

Zakky, you want a bump?

Oh, yeah.

(snorts)

Ah.

Eight or 18.

That f*cking number again.

18? Chai.

Chai.

It's a good luck number for the Jewish people.

Yeah, 'cause we've had so much of it.

Right? You would know about that, Hans.

Double down.

Zak: Mm.

Against a nine?

18.

You got 18 against a nine.

(cheering)

Zak: Busted!

Busted like my sister's cherry on prom night.

She was a whore. Everybody f*cking knew it.

We loved her anyway.

Richie, listen.

Richie, I love you.

You do?

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Not in a faggy way.

(chuckles)

Maybe... maybe even a little bit faggy.

Okay, we got 90,000 in our f*cking room.

Shh, shh, shh.

And we got 5,000 right here on the table.

If Elvis's Colonel Klink calls us, let's not even take it.

What?

No, why do we need that headache for?

Buddy, come on.

No, no, no. No, no, no.

Jumping around like a...

Okay, buddy, come on.

Okay? Let's go.

No, no, no, no.

Here's what we do.

Stay here, win a million dollars at this f*cking table with Frankie Avalon.

And then we're out.

We go upstairs, we take the girls, do misdemeanorish things all night until we pass out.

You know what?

There's luck and there's pressing your luck.

Wait, what are you... Richie, Richie, no. What are you doing?

I didn't mean this. Richie, what are you getting up for?

Buddy, buddy, buddy.

Wait... no, no, no, no.

We got a hotel suite with a view all the way to Reno.

Why don't we take these little minx...

Richie, come on. We're gonna win some money.

No, hold on. Hold on. Hold on.

We'll see what happens, huh?

Come on, Richie, what about the million bucks?

We'll earn it.

Oh, well, that's no fun.

♪ Who's that lady? ♪

Vivian: Oh, I love this song.

Zak: All right, let's... yeah, let's dance.

Come on.

Vivian: Okay, let's dance.

Found you.

Zak: You do all the moving.

Vivian: Come on.

(Zak laughs)

This is just tonight.

Nobody has to know.

Zak: Pretend I'm a pole. See what happens.

Vivian: Like that?

Zak: You're Vivian, right?

It's supposed to be a party, right?

Vivian: How could you forget?

Zak: Yes.

I knew that.

Don't say anything. You're my favorite.

Vivian: Oh, you promise?

Zak: Of the two of you, you're first.

Yeah, she's close.

Richie.

Wonder where the peasants are, huh?

They're not here.

Girls, hold on. You guys are friends, aren't you?

Come on. That's not how you treat your friend.

All alone here. You're friends, right?

Come on. No, you're better friends than that.

Aren't you better friends than that?

(women laugh)

Whoo!

Jackpot.

We're all friends tonight.

I never doubted your existence.

Ever.

I know. I know.

♪ Who's that lady? ♪
♪ Real, real fine lady ♪
♪ Who's that lady? ♪
♪ I would love to take her home ♪
♪ But her heart is made of stone ♪
♪ Got to keep on keeping on ♪
♪ If I don't, she'll do me wrong... ♪

Wow. Wow. Wow. Wow.

God, if you made better tits than these right here, you're leaving them all to yourself.

I'm gonna go get some more Dom.

All right, Richie. We're gonna... go. Get in there.

All right, come here, you.

(squeals)

Okay, and away we go.

Save some for me.

Zak: Look out.

(laughing)

Zak: Uh-oh, sorry. You all right?

Patty: I'm okay.

Zak: Whoo!

(Patty laughs)

(music playing)

Elvis: That one's real, man.

Are you a narc?

(laughs)

No, but it is serious, the dr*gs thing.

Yeah, no doubt. A scourge.

I... I don't know where the colonel is.

He told me to come up after the show.

Huh.

You loved it.

I did.

We get to cooking up there, man, look out.

You leave it all on the stage.

That's showmanship.

Breaking up instruments, lighting things on fire.

Man, I don't know.

Noise.

I just... I just want people to...

I want them to feel the music, you know?

I...

I want them to live in the music.

That's where I live, in the music, man.

Nobody shits out a meat ass can do what you do, Elvis.

(chuckles)

Come on.

Yeah, I don't truck with the business end of it too much.

I'm about actualization, you know, of the self.

What... you don't by any chance dig Abraham Maslow?

You kidding? "Hierarchy of Needs."

Out of sight!

Listen, look, I'm not gonna try to sell you on anything because what you have sells itself.

You... you don't belong here.

Look, "Aloha from Hawaii" was watched by half the planet.

You got enough money to eat?

Yeah, we're doing okay.

No, you're not.

Okay, you're gonna die a rich man 50 years from now.

But are you gonna die king?

You had 20 people onstage with you tonight.

You, Scotty, D.J., Bill.

That's the band.

Yeah, we made a racket, boy.

That '68 special, that wasn't a comeback.

That was you.

Had to sit through half of it.

Guitar strap came off. We were going for it, though.

g*dd*mn right.

Hey, I've got a band, the Nasty Bits.

Three guitars, backbeat like a jackhammer.

They're raw, okay? Everything these kids are doing now is because of what you did.

(chuckles)

So let's get you and a gut bucket band together and then show people how rock and roll is supposed to make you feel.

You got some cats want to play with an old boy like me?

Where's your phone? Where's your phone?

Hey, we get you guys down to Muscle Shoals, a washboard, a snare.

Yeah.

Yeah, old Bill Black, man, he used to get a hold of that bass, that dog house, get on that one string, boy, he'd lay on it.

(imitating bass)

There it is.

Man. (chuckles)

I don't know, man. RCA, they want me to do two Christmas records this year.

Hey, listen to me.

Christmas is where artists bury their careers.

You know John Simon?

Produced Janis.

The Band.

♪ Take a load off, Fanny ♪
♪ Take a load for free ♪

♪ Take a load off, Fanny... ♪

That's it.

(chuckles)

Yeah.

Man, look at this.

Kissing them old ladies, I got a sore.

You don't kiss the King.

Right.

You don't touch the King.

Right.

It's part of being the King.

(sighs) Man, what about my spirituals?

Spirit... okay. Hand to God.

Ask my wife.

I want "Crying in the Chapel" playing at my funeral.

A whole album.

From the field stuff.

You need Sweet Inspirations, man.

Yeah, bring them.

(snaps fingers) Pops Staples producing.

You get it.

Man, you get it.

You... you get it, man.

I wanted to do Woodstock.

There'll be others.

Hey, American Century is gonna be the kingdom of rock and roll.

You on the throne.

Man, I can't wait to see old Kenny Glancy's face.

You won't have to.

My lawyer Scott, he's a junkyard dog, man.

We can get this done by the morning.

I'll have him draw up the contracts.

We'll notify RCA.

(door opens, slams)

A little late for entertaining, ain't it?

Colonel, I...

Why don't you tell the colonel what you told me, Richie?

Elvis and you deserve to be at a place where you're respected, where your legacy will be protected.

I spend sun to sun ensuring that.

The problem is RCA.

I don't belong here, Colonel.

The capes, the old ladies.

I can still fit in that jacket.

You remember that jacket. The one I wore for the special.

I was the devil in that jacket.

Well... we haven't made up our minds on anything yet.

Usually Elvis likes to stay out of the paper pushing.

I'm gonna go call Scotty and them right now.

If you'd just listen to what Elvis and I have to say, I think you'll...

Elvis.

Why don't you show Richie that move?

The one you taught Nixon's Secret Service fellas.

Now you got it.

What move?

Whoa!

Hey, man, here. Point her at me.

Is this thing even loaded?

Whoa! Ah! Ah!

(grunts)

You see that?

That's using an opponent's motion against them.

It's called chi.

Praying mantis style.

Colonel: El, why don't you get some sleep?

Big show tomorrow.

One must be like water.

One must be like water.

Son... see yourself out.

(music playing)

(TV playing)

Oh! Get up.

(groans)

(snorts)

f*ck happened here?

Uh...

Oh. Oh.

(groans)

What happened?

I just asked you that.

(groans)

Is... where are they? Where'd the girls go?

They did this?

No, no, no, no, no, no, no. Oh, no.

What?

No!

What?

No!

You m*therf*cker.

Richie, Richie, they robbed us.

You m*therf*cker. I will f*cking...

They robbed us!

Get the guy! Get the f*cking...

What?

Get the hotel d*ck up here.

And tell them what?

That you had a three-way that went south and you got robbed?

We're in Vegas.

This whole f*cking town is corrupt.

Those girls were probably pros. They'll have us arrested.

Get your f*cking hand...

I f*cked us.

I... I f*cked us.

I f*cked us. I f*cked us.

f*ck!

(breathing heavily)

(grunts)

(groans)

(groans)

I want to die.

I want to... I want to die, Richie.

Oh, f*ck.

(sniffling)

Everyone fucks up, okay?

I mean, sh*t... we'll make it back, okay?

(crying) sh*t.

Not like you lost 10 million, right?

Hey.

That's why they call it rock and roll, right?

Come on.

One leg at a time.

Come on. Like the rest of us.

Okay, buddy. The other one.

Yeah, that's it. I got you. I got you.

Take it easy.

f*ck, stay back. I got you.

I got you.

It's okay.

(baby crying)

Woman: It's okay.

Shh. Honey, okay.

Would you like a beverage?

Gin and tonic.

Sure.

(toilet flushes)

Thank you.

Sure.

(crying)

You're okay. Shh.

Attendant: Would you like a beverage?

All right, doll.

You...

I just want to...

You really looked after me last night.

I was out of control. I was...

(music playing)

♪ 18 yellow roses came in today ♪
♪ 18 yellow roses in a pretty bouquet ♪
♪ When the boy came to the door ♪
♪ I didn't know what to say ♪
♪ But 18 yellow roses came today ♪
♪ I opened up the card to see what it said ♪
♪ I couldn't believe my eyes when I had read ♪
♪ Though you belong to another ♪
♪ I love you anyway... ♪

It's eight black.

♪ I never doubted your love ♪
♪ For a minute ♪
♪ I always thought that you would be true ♪
♪ But now this box and the flowers in it ♪
♪ I guess there's nothing left for me to do ♪
♪ But ask to meet the boy that's done this thing ♪
♪ To find out if he's got plans ♪
♪ To buy you a ring... ♪

(bottles clinking)

Sweetheart, two Smirnoffs, ice.

(sighs)

(man yodeling)