01x13 - Love is in the Air

Thank you all for coming.

And without further ado, we officially open...

Harmon...

Fuller...

both: Pet Care.

[cheering]

[applause]

Did you get the picture for our website?

I thought you were getting it.

I thought you were.

It's okay. We'll re-stuff the confetti cannons.

Oh, yeah. Attention, everyone.

I will be coming around the room and collecting the confetti from your hair.

We're in business, partner.

Congratulations.

Hey, congratulations, D.J.

Oh, you didn't notice that we were in the middle of a hug?

Gee, I must have missed that.

Anyway, just came by to wish you good luck with the new pet clinic.

Oh! Thanks, Steve. That's big of you.

Oh, no, no. I'm wishing D.J. good luck with the clinic.

I'm wishing you would go back to Miami and return to your career as an underwear model.

Those bikini briefs put me through vet school.

How did you even know that?

I remember you from the box.

Okay, grand opening, take two.

Everybody, smile.

[confetti cannon bangs]

I got my wedding dress. [sighs]

I can't believe I'm marrying Fernando again tomorrow.

Yeah, I can't believe it, either.

What's the rush? You just got engaged yesterday.

Since Jesse and Becky are coming up to renew their wedding vows, Fernando and I could just piggyback right onto their ceremony.

Everyone's a winner.

Except Jesse and Becky.

Do they know about this double ceremony?

Nope.

I'm waiting for the perfect time to tell them, like when they're walking down the aisle.

Hey, now!

Thank you so much for letting us renew our vows here.

Gibbler Style has planned a beautiful weekend for you to celebrate 25 years of marriage.

It better be a whole lot of Style and very little Gibbler.

Come upstairs and I'll show you your love nest.

Alright, I...

I like love nests.

No, it's okay. I'm good.

Wow, beautiful.

Why, thank you.

No, not the room, my hair. I love my hair.

Kimmy, we love the room.

It's like our own little honeymoon suite on steroids.

Jesse put that photo above our bed.

Thank you so much for arranging this romantic weekend that's all about just the two of us.

About that "just the two of us" thing... I have a wonderful surprise.

Ah, my fellow groom.

What's a "fallow-groo"?

You are my fellow groom.

What's this man saying? And why is this man kissing me?

We are getting married together in a beautiful double ceremony.

Surprise!

Adding a real wedding could make our day extra romantic.

Or it's a sneaky way for them to get me to pay for their wedding.

Good news. It's both!

I must marry Kimberlina as soon as possible.

Our marriage will be new and improved.

Before, I was always away racing cars.

But from now on, you and Ramona will be with me on the racing circuit, glued to my side.

Señor Gibbler, that's a very moving speech. I think.

But I didn't agree to anything yet.

I'll give you a discount. The Kimmy Special.

And later tonight, I'll give you the Becky Special.

Oh, mercy.

Come to your fallow-groo.

Thank you, Uncle Jesse.

Again with the kissing. No, no, no more kissing.

I'm not your uncle.

You're everyone's uncle. You're Uncle Jesse!

Aww, Jess. A candlelit dinner.

Yep.

The exact same meal we had on our very first date.

[gasps]

Double cheeseburgers!

Extra pickles, no onions.

Extra pickles, no onions.

Oh, you are such a romantic.

We met here 28 years ago.

When I looked into your eyes, I knew you were the one.

I felt the same way, about two years later.

But we're still here and more in love than ever.

Gosh, how do we do it?

Because we always put each other first.

That is our secret.

Ready for Kimmy's bachelorette party?

Yep. Let's go.

What about putting each other first?

It's your turn to put me first.

We won't be late, right, girls?

Steph and Kimmy: No.

Ready?

Becky: Bye, honey.

Hey, Uncle Jesse, do me a favor.

Tommy wants a double cheeseburger. Throw it in the blender first.

Jesse: Yeah.

Uncle Jesse, got a minute?

Apparently I have all night.

So, do you know Ramona's friend, Lola?

No, I don't.

Well, she is hot.

I want to make a move. And you're the king of moves.

What idiot told you that?

You did.

Oh.

You're in luck. There's a wedding tomorrow.

Girls love weddings. So invite her to the wedding, right?

You get her to the wedding, you let the music play, let all the romance take over.

You grab her hand like this and you give it a little kiss.

[makes kissing noises]

If she gets all caught up in the romance, then you move in for the big one that goes something like this.

[Jesse blows raspberries]

[laughs]

Do I have to blow on her belly?

That move may be a little advanced for you.

[sing-song] I smell Mickey D's.

Help yourself.

I got some bad news for you guys.

After the wedding, Papa said that me and my mom are moving out.

I get my own room back? Awesome!

I mean, gee, I'm really going to miss you.

You and Kimmy are moving out? Why was I not consulted?

I just found out.

I'm psyched for my family getting back together, but I'm actually going to miss you guys.

Except you. I don't really know you at all.

Well, I'm Uncle Jesse. I'm everyone's uncle.

Important thing is I get my room back. I'll help you pack.

Pardon my French, but this is bull-baloney.

Let me see. You got any teeth? Ah, you got a tooth.

We don't need a blender. Here.

Go ahead.

Oh, you want mine now.

♪ So tell you what I want What I really, really want ♪
♪ I'll tell you what I want What I really, really want ♪
♪ I wanna ha, I wanna ha I wanna ha, I wanna ha ♪
♪ I wanna really, really, really Wanna zigazig ah ♪
♪ If you wanna be my lover You've gotta get with my friends ♪
♪ My friends ♪
♪ Make it last forever Friendship never ends ♪

[all giggle drunkenly]

It's 2:00 a.m. Why don't you tell me where you were, where you really, really were?

We were at a dance recital.

An all-male Australian dance recital.

[laughter]

[D.J. giggles]

Come on. I can't wait to get you upstairs.

Yeah, you did promise me the Becky Special.

Not you. Tommy.

[coos] Aunt Becky is going to tuck you into bed. Yes.

Come on. This was supposed to be our romantic weekend.

Don't make me give myself the Becky Special.

Ooh, ooh, let's call Michelle.

Oh, yeah.

Oh, it's five in the morning in New York.

Ah, perfect.

Ah, voice mail.

Why you not come to my wedding?

You're in big trouble, mister!

No way, Jose!

Aw, nuts!

[all giggle]

all yell: You got it, dude!

Oh, oh, now we've got to call Kathy Santoni. Yeah.

Gotta call everybody tonight because tomorrow I'll be married and back living with Fernando, and then it's bye-bye, She-Wolf Pack.

Oh, no, no, no, She-Wolf Pack is forever. No matter where we are.

Kimmy: Aw.

Oh, She-Wolf Pack howl!

[all howl]

Aw, we should drink all the time.

So Deej, who are you bringing to my wedding? Matt or Steve?

[groans]

It's like The Bachelorette.

Oh, yeah.

No, I'm going solo. Okay, I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings.

But that's the best part of The Bachelorette.

You want to see some guy crying in the back of a limo.

Just pick Steve. He's super cute.

No, no, no, pick Matt. He's super sexy.

I just need to listen to my heart.

Well, if you listen to some other parts of your body, you'll pick Matt.

Night, little sis.

Night.

Come on, roomie.

Night, Kimmy.

D.J.: Come on.

Matt over voicemail: When you hear the beep, speak.

[dog barking over voicemail]

Matt over voicemail: Not you, Rusty. The caller.

Hey, yo, Matt. It's... it's Stephanie, D.J.'s little sister.

You need to get your butt over here tomorrow.

You're going to be D.J.'s date for Kimmy's wedding. Okay? Alright.

Go Team Matt!

Be up in a minute. I need some... cheese.

Not too much. We're sharing a bed.

Hey, Steve.

Sorry to wake you up. But great news.

You're D.J.'s date for my wedding tomorrow.

Yes, I've been drinking.

And, yes, gifts are welcome.

We could really use a cheese knife.

Honey, I love that you're going to be part of my wedding.

You missed the first one.

But only by a couple of weeks.

Can't Papa move in with us?

I can't believe I'm going to say this, but I like living here.

It's fun being part of a big family.

Aw, sweetheart. You don't have to live here to be part of this family.

I've been barging in here for 30 years.

Ramona, you know Lola. Which tie would she like?

The one without the Santa Claus.

I'll go with my J-Money money tie.

Oh, and just so you know... Max says he's not coming to your wedding.

What?

He ordered the swordfish.

Max, is something wrong?

Please don't marry Fernando.

I don't want you and Ramona to leave.

Oh, Max.

We're still going to see each other.

But you've got to come to my wedding. I saved the most important job for you.

You have to be my "Lord of the Wedding Rings."

Like Frodo?

Exactly.

You're going to walk down the aisle, just like Frodo did, when he delivered the golden rings to King Fernando and Uncle Jesse, the Elf.

I don't think you saw the movie.

Can Tommy help me? 'Cause Frodo had Samwise Gamgee.

That's a great idea.

I love you, Kimmy.

Aw.

I love you, too, Max.

I'll try not to cry.

It's okay. Everybody cries at weddings.

Sometimes they even cry a little before the wedding.

[doorbell rings]

I got it.

I'll get it.

I'll get it.

Hi.

Oh, I guess I'm early for the wedding, but I wasn't given a specific time.

Given a specific time by who?

[shouts] Freeze.

What did you do?

I did nothing.

It was the five tequila shots that did the inviting.

What is he doing here?

Freeze.

Oh, why is that so effective?

Did you do what I think you did?

I plead the fifth tequila.

Well, you three probably want to be alone.

Oh, yeah. Don't let us intrude.

[shouts] Freeze.

I knew it wouldn't work forever.

I gotta say, this whole Matt or Steve thing is really starting to get to me.

Some nights I'm having trouble sleeping.

Me too. Are you getting acid reflux?

[Matt grunts]

Big time. Rolaid?

Ah, yes. Yes, please. Thank you.

Wow, such fast relief.

Deej, Matt is obviously a great guy and easy on the eyes.

I'm clearly the better match for you, but you've just got to make a decision already.

And I agree.

I mean, Steve is... well, he's cute as a puppy.

Plus, he was your first boyfriend. But... who knows?

I might just be your last.

After the wedding, I promise I'll make a decision.

Okay, good.

Great.

Gibbler Style Party Planning is pleased to announce that officiating today's double ceremony is the Right Reverend Gladstone!

[upbeat organ music playing]

[music stops playing]

Bless you, bless you, bless you all.

My sons, are you ready to drop the puck?

Joey, I'm glad you're finally embracing your female side. It's a nice dress.

Well, Jess, in order to get my minister's license, I started a religion inspired by my love of hockey.

That's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

I call it Our Lady of the Holy Goalie.

Now that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard.

[upbeat organ music playing]

[music stops playing]

I am Lord of the Rings, accompanied by my faithful companion...

Tomwise Gamgee.

I have no idea what you're talking about. But can we have the rings, please?

Thank you.

You can sit down now.

That was the whole deal?

I put on my church clothes for this?

Jesse: Yeah.

[Max scoffs]

And to welcome our brides, I'd like to sing a song that I wrote especially for Jesse and Becky, and, as it turns out, for Fernando and Kimmy.

[piano playing]

♪ Must have been some angel ♪
♪ Can't imagine any other way ♪
♪ Who brought our eyes together ♪
♪ Forever changed our hearts that day ♪
♪ Must have been some angel ♪
♪ Who whispered softly in your ear ♪
♪ Convinced you to look at me different ♪
♪ Took away all my fears ♪
♪ High from the mountain top ♪
♪ I swear to the stars above ♪
♪ Must have been some angel ♪
♪ Gifted us and lifted us ♪
♪ And wrapped us In this lifetime of love ♪

Thank you, Steph.

Dearly beloved, we are gathered here to celebrate 25 years of marital bliss between Jesse and Becky, teammates for life.

And Fernando and Kimmy, who after a two-day intermission, are ready for a rematch.

Couple number one, recite your vows.

[blows whistle]

Ow!

Come on.

Becky, you're everything I've ever dreamed of and more than I deserve.

I love you now, and I'd love you forever.

Aw, Jess, I am the luckiest woman on earth.

I love spending every day with you.

I love laughing with you. I love loving you.

Thank you for the most incredible 25 years of my life.

[blows whistle]

Time for a line change. Fernando and Kimmy, hit the ice.

Fernando: Kimberlina.

I thought true love was only true in love songs and Fifty Shades of Grey.

The book, not the movie.

But when I'm with you, I know true love can be truly true.

So true.

Kimmy.

Fernando, for the past 15 years you've made every day an adventure.

I don't always understand what you're saying... but I always know that you love me.

And I love you, too.

Fernando, Jesse, do you take Kimmy and Becky to be your lawfully wedded wife and your already-wedded wife?

I do.

I do.

Kimmy and Becky, do you take Fernando and Jesse, uh, to be, uh... what I just said?

I do.

I...

I...

The next word is "do."

I...

I gotta go.

[quick organ tune]

We've got a runner.

I'll go talk to her.

Mom, what are you doing?

Don't you want to marry Papa?

I think I do.

But then I think I don't.

Man, that cake looks good.

Maybe you need to talk about it. How are you feeling?

Hungry.

I starved myself for an hour and a half to fit into this dress.

But then I'm also feeling guilty about turning your life upside-down.

Oh, screw it!

[moans]

I mean, what if things don't work out with your Papa?

I don't want to put you through all that heartache.

[moans]

Do I know how to pick a cake or what?

Here, dig in. You'll feel a lot better.

Mom, I'd love for you and Papa to be together.

But you need to do what makes you happy.

Cake. Cake makes me happy.

You know what I mean. I'm in your corner, no matter what.

You're sounding awfully wise and adult.

Somebody in this family has to.

So what are you going to do?

Well, I'm torn between getting some milk... or going back out there and getting married.

You know what?

I'll get married.

And then I'll get milk.

[in silly voice] Say, Jess. Is that hockey stick made of... wood?

Ow!

Here comes the bride.

Steph sings: ♪ Must have been an angel... ♪

Dearly beloved... etcetera, etcetera. Fernando and Jesse, do you?

I do.

I do.

Kimmy and Becky, how about you?

I do.

I...

[gasps] I...

D.J.: I got this one.

Stephanie, come on.

On my way.

She'll be right back.

This happens at all our weddings.

Kimmy, what is going on with you?

I'm enjoying my cake.

Here, try some before it's all gone.

Look, you know I have strong negative feelings about Fernando.

But I will put those aside and give you my unbiased opinion... don't marry Fernando.

I say marry the boy.

If it doesn't work out, then you can just divorce him again.

And then if it doesn't work out then, you can marry him again.

You're the one making this complicated.

Look, I know these decisions aren't easy.

I mean, I'm having trouble making my own.

You two and your man drama... Enough already!

Pick Matt, pick Steve, marry Fernando, don't marry Fernando.

In the end, what really matters is that the three of us are never going to feel lonely or unloved because we've always got each other.

Aw, Stephanie.

Yeah, we are strong, independent women.

You're absolutely right.

I don't need a man.

I'm going back out there to marry Fernando.

[sings] ♪ Angel... ♪

Sorry, sorry. Just a little cold feet. They're all warmed up now.

I'm skipping to the "I do's." I know you two do.

You've been pretty darn consistent.

Kimmy, do you promise to take Fernando as your husband? Please say, "I do."

I... I...

No, no, no!

all yell: No, no, no!

[clamoring]

Kimmy yells: I'm sorry, I can't do this!

Fernando.

Put me down!

Okay.

But as you can see, we have formed an impenetrable circle around you.

Fernando, I'm sorry, but this just doesn't feel right.

I don't want our family on the racing circuit.

Ramona is really happy here, and I love living with Stephanie and D.J. and her boys.

I like my life the way it is and I'm not ready to change it.

But what about us?

Well, I love you, and I still want you in my life.

Okay, people, what are we doing? We are well into overtime.

Kimberly Louise Gibbler, do you promise to remain engaged to Fernando for as long as you feel like it?

I do!

[yells] We have an "I do!"

[cheering]

[applause]

And as for that other loving couple...

Where the heck are they?

Jess, shouldn't we at least say goodbye?

No.

Let's get out of here before Kimmy sticks me with the bill.

Yeah...

I'm good.

Thanks for coming, Lola. Sorry it wasn't more romantic.

Are you kidding? Your family's a freak show.

You want a hug goodbye?

No, thanks.

Bye.

Did you see that?

J-Money just got some honey.

And I owe it all to you, Ramona.

I'm so glad you're staying.

[Jackson makes explosion noise]

[Jackson sings to himself]

I'm glad you're staying, too.

Thanks, Max.

Hey, does Lola have a little sister?

Max-Money wants some honey, too.

They're out there waiting.

Are you ready?

No.

But we're out of cake.

Let's do this.

It's the final rose, Bachelorette.

[dramatic music playing]

D.J., is there anything you'd like to say to the gentlemen?

Matt, Steve, these last few weeks have been an emotional roller coaster.

Matt.

When you first walked into the clinic, I felt an immediate spark.

And when I look into your eyes, I feel alive and excited about our future.

D.J...

I know what we have is real.

And we're already great partners so I would just love a chance to see where this journey will take us.

Steve.

Reconnecting with you, it's like... we were never apart.

You may know me better than anyone.

And when I look into your eyes, I...

I feel happy, safe, and loved.

[Steve sighs]

Donna-Jo...

I've known it since high school and I'm even more sure of it now... we're soul mates.

I couldn't even imagine my life without you.

That's all I have prepared.

Thank you, gentlemen.

It's now time for D.J. to hand out the final rose.

Good luck, man.

You, too, bro.

There's no wrong decision... if you pick Steve.

Just follow your heart... and pick Matt.

My heart is saying to choose... me.

[shouts] Yes!

Wait, what?

I heard the "M". I got excited.

You chose you? Was that even an option?

[sighs] I'm sorry, but I just started dating again, and this got really complicated.

And if it's this hard for me to decide, then I must not be ready for a serious relationship.

I'm okay waiting.

In the meantime, I'll see you every day at work.

I'm still your podiatrist.

Wait, you're not seeing another one, are you?

No, my feet are all yours.

I'll start with your feet and I'll work my way up to your heart.

Wow, she picked herself.

I did not see that coming.

I don't know. I thought she was going to pick you.

I thought she was going to pick you.

Hey, you want to go get a beer?

Ah, I could use one. Maybe three.

I could use a pizza.

Maybe three.

Mmm.

That was the worst episode of The Bachelorette I've ever seen.

Well, I'm glad that it's over.

Yeah. And you know what?

Now you're free to date Matt or Steve or whoever you want.

And best of all, the She-Wolf Pack is back.

[all howl]