01x10 - Fun Ways to Tell Boyfriend You're Pregnant

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "The Family"...

I did not get my son back.

Claire... I'm sorry I'm not him.

You don't have to call me Claire.

Young man: How's your boyfriend?

People disappoint.

I'm sorry.

For what?

The debate.

I feel like I owe you.

Hank: I'd like to speak with Detective Meyer.

Jane: I am so sorry.

We're gonna bring him home.

How could you?

Jane, what did you do?

Doug: Time to have a talk.

How did he die?

Which is it?

Did he hit his head or did he get sick?

Principal Egan: Adam was more than a student.

His smile and kindness touched each of us at Somerset Elementary.

And as this tree grows, may his spirit continue to grow with us.

Thank you, Principal Egan.

[Clears throat]

I'd like to use this tree dedication to honor Adam's love of learning.

Thank you.

[Clears throat]

My, um... my son would be honored.

I hope other students are inspired by Adam's example to put down roots of their own in pursuit of whatever makes them passionate.

[Sighs]

Um... this tree would mean a buttload to my brother.

Oh, he just... Adam loved himself a tree.

Oaks, maple, pine, palm, the little one from "Karate Kid."

Pretty much anything that had, like, leaves and branches on it.

Danny.

Sycamores... not so much.

No, sycamores, he liked to piss on.

Stop it.

You know, next time, we should just do a shopping-cart memorial, 'cause he did love those, and it would be just as pointless as all of this.

[Shovel thuds]

Happy birthday.

Or... happy real birthday.

Thanks.

How old are you?

19.

Adam would've been 19 in May.

I'm older.

Danny broke my nose once.

[Chuckles] We were kids.

It was on a road trip to the Grand Canyon... day 4 in the minivan.

We just couldn't handle being cooped up together that long.

Made us animals.

Adam and I weren't like that.

You never fought down there?

No.

Ever?

Is there something that you need to ask me, Willa?

No.

Are you sure?

Are we moving?

The governor's mansion is very beautiful and historic.

Ugh.

And we can hire people just to bring us snacks.

I'm stoked.

Claire: Let's not get ahead of ourselves.

I haven't been elected yet.

Well, if you would like a free ride to therapy, the free car service is leaving.

Oh. Don't forget about dinner tonight.

What's your favorite?

Ben: Chinese food.

What are we celebrating?

The two-month anniversary of your brother coming home.

Oh!

Well, then, it's my anniversary, too, because I came home when he came home.

It's a little different.

No, it's not. Nope.

And I think I would like Mexican food, please.

[Chuckles]

Just saying. Come on.

Bye, Mom.

Bye.

Bye, Wil.

Bye.

[Chuckles lightly, sighs]

You guys seem good.

What?

You and Ben.

It's not his fault.

I'm gonna make it work.

But I need to know what I'm getting into... no loose ends.

What do you mean?

I'm sure that DNA test didn't come cheap, and if I am gonna win this thing, I need to know exactly what we'll owe them after I do.

Mom.

How much of my soul did you sell?

[Clears throat]

[Telephone ringing, indistinct conversations]

Desk sergeant says you've been here all night.

What time is it?

7:00 A.M.

Then he's correct.

Detective Meyer's out on an urgent call.

It may be hours still.

I'll wait.

You sure it's not anything I could help with?

Has to be her.

And why's that?

Irony.

[Camera shutter clicking]

Agent Davis. What's in the car?

Bottle of Old Grand-Dad.

Looks like Agent Clements might've been drinking before he crashed.

He didn't crash.

The man brings bento boxes to work.

He takes bee pollen in pill form.

There's no way that he was drinking on the job, and if he was, he'd be drinking much better booze.

They found footprints leading into the woods from the driver's side.

They're not his.

Well, whose are they, then?

The guy that took him.

The same guy that took Adam Warren.

Clements calls him, uh, Pocky?

You know, as... as a joke?

Detective, have you heard the saying "When you hear hoofbeats, think horses"?

He was working on the case when he disappeared.

We'll take that into consideration.

You're wasting your time... and his!

I'm so sorry.

I'm so sorry.

Mmm.

Goulash.

Who was Hungarian?

My father.

Is he still living?

No.

Was he proud of you?

[Voice breaking] I guess.

Lucky he's dead.

You're in a pickle, Jane.

You got an FBI agent tied up in your basement.

Now, that's bad all by itself, but on top of it, I'm not feeling so hot.

I'm starting to sweat, I've got the chills, 'cause that head wound you gave me is infected.

And that sucks on many levels.

Not just for me, but for you.

'Cause the only thing worse than having a live FBI agent on your hands is having a dead one.

I'm so sorry.

Yeah. You keep saying that.

What are you doing here?

Got a minute?

I actually don't right now.

5,000,260.

What?

The number of minutes in the 10 years you owe me.

I'll take just one.

What's in the bag?

In prison, they call the sex offenders the dirty inmates.

Everyone knows the dirty.

He's the one that has to sign a waiver to stay in general pop.

He's the one you hear screaming after lights out.

That's when they clean the dirty.

It's no fun to be cleaned.

You're not in prison anymore.

I beg to differ.

You've been exonerated.

Is that what you think?

I think if you're unhappy, it's your own fault.

You always did jump to conclusions.

What do you want?

I want a world where good things happen to good people and bad things happen to bad people.

We need more heroes.

So you're going to make me one.

Why's that?

The man you are looking for was at my house 10 years ago.

That's where he spotted Adam Warren.

He was also at the rally that night.

What's in the bag?

[Chuckles]

I'm gonna solve your case.

And when I do, you're going to tell the whole world that I did it, that I caught your monster, that I cleaned... your dirty.

What's in the bag, Hank?

The rest of my life.

No one seemed to be watching him.

Were you alone?

At the booth.

And then I met up with my girlfriend later for dinner.

And you were with your girlfriend for the rest of the night?

Yes, ma'am.

Would you mind writing her number down?

No. No, not at all.

Anything else I can help you with?

No. Thanks for coming down.

Anything else I can help you with?

No. Thanks for co...

Anything else I can help you with?

He had an alibi.

His girlfriend, who works at the oil refinery.

Meyer.

I bet you Doug had a VIP tour of those bunkers.

You didn't know.

I spoke to her so many times.

You didn't know!

I should've.

I had all the pieces right in front of me.

I just didn't put them together.

So what's the move?

A tactical team is being assembled.

Did the Warren kid I.D. him?

There's no time. Plus, he's unreliable.

Do you have a warrant?

I got a g*n that sh**t people.

You get a warrant.

Len!

You're gonna get him. You deserve to.

But you do it by the book this time.

Bridey: What are you doing?

Just buried at the office.

Yeah? What's going on.

Just the usual chaos.

Trying to get the last ad buys in before the polls open Tuesday, and...

I... No, the Energy Commission studies, and I need them yesterday.

Sorry about that.

What's up?

Just thinking about you.

Yeah? Yeah, me too.

Mm. Which parts?

What?

Which parts of me were you thinking about?

All of them.

"All of them."

The whole kit and caboodle.

Seriously?

Y... Um, s... Uh, sorry. I've got to go. Bye.

Hey! How are you?

[Camera clicking]

Steven Eisley.

Don't know him.

The son of Walter Peyton Eisley III.

Your mouth is moving, but it's just letters and sounds.

The CEO of Biotech Genetics.

Give me that.

Willa Warren went to college with him, gave a toast at his wedding, got his wife a job... you know, the usual favors you trade in for a fake DNA test.

How do you know they're not just catching up?

Because Claire Warren just became a shoo-in for governor.

So what's the kickback?

I don't know, but it's got to start with the micro-chipping contract.

No sleep till it all ties back to whoever the kid is.

I want the front page.

I want the story.

[Siren wailing]

[Police radio chatter]

Good morning, John.

What's going on here?

I've decided to stay.

What?

That's not what I meant.

Oh. What did you mean?

Why are their cops at your house?

Well... ask your girlfriend.

[Cellphone beeps]

She thinks she's gonna get him.

She's thought that before.

Yeah, it sounded different this time.

Did she give you a name?

No.

What does Hank Asher have to do with it?

I don't know.

I should tell Adam.

It is great news.

It is.

It's the right thing.

I know.

But, Mom...

I am not going to do this with you.

Nina knows he's not Adam.

So?

So if she gets this guy in custody, it is the first question she'll ask him.

I am not going to hope that my son's m*rder*r isn't caught!

I know. I know.

We just have to think of a way to fix it. That's all.

There's... there's got to be some...

He won't tell anyone the truth.

If he did, he'd have to admit that he had two kids down there and only one came out alive.

Aah.

I'm sorry.

Smells like a salad bar.

Cider vinegar?

Helps with infection.

Where'd you learn about that?

Girl Scouts.

Oh, yeah?

Troop 807.

[Chuckles]

You earn all the badges?

Couldn't sell the cookies.

This isn't you, Jane.

You're not a monster.

You're a good person.

You didn't know, did you?

You had no idea who he was.

You were just trying to protect him.

It's what anybody would do for someone they love.

There was a boy...

...12 years ago... where we used to live.

He swore he didn't do it, and I believed him.

What was the boy's name?

Eric.

Monsters don't remember names.

Girl Scouts do.

[Police radio chatter] Wait for my go.

We need him alive.

Red Pines P.D.!

We have a warrant to search the premises!

Clear!

Clear!

Clear!

[Police radio chatter]

We're all clear.

It's secure. There's no one here.

Here's some water.

Please don't go.

You'll have to lean over and drink from the straw.

Don't leave me, Jane.

I-I can't be down here.

He doesn't want you to talk to me, does he?

I have to go.

I know who you really are.

I-I am sorry.

I know you're a good person.

I'm so sorry.

Stop saying that!

[g*n cocks]

Clear.

[Sighs]

Mom?!

She's in bed.

Mom!

She's in bed, idiot.

We have to eat, idiot.

Oh, come on, guys.

What is it?

Dinnertime.

Heat up a casserole.

Pass.

There aren't any left.

The Kaufmans brought a lasagna. It's in the freezer.

We ate that.

We did?

Yeah, like two weeks ago.

It was good.

Tasted like every other "Sorry your kid got k*lled" food.

Tell me what you want for dinner, and I will make it.

From your grief bed?

What is that supposed to mean?!

I'll get a takeout menu.

It means you guys better start leaving us cash for dinner, because there aren't gonna be any more casseroles or deli platters or muffin baskets, 'cause everyone else has moved on.

[Inhales sharply]

[Drawer opens]

How about Thai?

Anything?

Could be trace evidence.

I don't want it compromised.

No fibers or prints.

A few nails, wood chips.

Well, there's nothing in the house, either.

So?

So there's zero evidence that Agent Clements was ever on this property.

Where are you going?

To walk my dog. That okay?

I want the lab report as soon as it's in.

The guy hid a kid in a bunker for 10 years.

He's not an idiot.

He would know to clean up before he left with Clements.

How can you be sure?

Because I know the bastard.

Like you know Agent Clements.

What's that supposed to mean?

He's an alcoholic, Nina.

He fell off the wagon last year and disappeared for days.

His husband found him holed up in some hotel room in Atlantic City with his g*n and an empty minibar.

What?

He's done this before.

Hoofbeats... horses.

[Crow caws]

[Teapot whistling]

Ohh!

[Door closes]

What happened?

Everything I touch breaks.

[Sighs]

Oh, sweets.

Your hand.

Oh. [Inhales sharply]

Here.

[Sighs]

There was one night... about a year ago... when I realized I didn't know the ending.

I had kept the boy down there for so long...

I didn't know how to end it.

So I decided to end me.

I figured I'd wait until you were asleep to do it.

And then... right before we went to bed, you gave me a gift.

You remember?

And inside was a onesie that said "I love Daddy."

How'd you think of that?

I Googled "fun ways to tell boyfriend you're pregnant."

[Sighs]

We should go to the police, tell them everything.

But we'll have to say I k*lled the FBI agent.

What?

It can't be you.

But he's not dead.

Well, he'll have to be, right?

Otherwise, he'll tell them the truth.

Jane, you assaulted a federal officer.

They'll send you to jail. They'll take the baby away.

[Sighs] God.

I don't know. Just... tell me what to do here.

I'll do whatever you want.

If we just stick together just a little bit longer, then we won't have to k*ll him, and I'll find you and the little one a way out of this.

Okay?

Okay.

Okay.

Doug?

Yeah, baby?

I'd like you to burn in hell.

I think that's your ending.

Um... you know, when Danny turned 18, we gave him his grandfather's pocket watch.

He pawned it a month later.

For Willa's 18th, John wanted to give her these gorgeous diamond earrings that his grandmother passed down.

She asked for a mission trip to Mali instead.

Did you let her go?

Oh, God, no. [Chuckles]

Um... do you think Adam would've liked this?

You knew him better than me.

Is it old?

It was my father's.

Adam liked newer stuff better.

So I'm 0 for 3.

Sorry.

[Chuckles]

Do you... like old stuff?

You don't have to do this.

I'm sorry we can't celebrate your birthday.

I know.

I am sick of the secrets.

I know.

[Playful shouting]

Doug: You're alone, right?

Yes.

Nobody followed you or anything?

They let me take walks now.

It's about time.

You're not 8 years old anymore.

[Sighs]

They searched my house.

They know your name.

What else do they know?

So, the water's like zero degrees, right?

So I get out, and this old lady, from nowhere, is just checking out my shrinkage.

So I'm like [chuckles] "Hey, wait till it grows up."

[Laughter, rock music plays]

Time for your friends to leave.

Why?

Dad's trying to sleep.

We'll keep it down.

It's late.

It's 9:00.

You have school tomorrow.

It's Friday. You slept through Thursday.

[Laughter]

Boys, I'm sorry. You need to leave now.

[Music stops]

We won, by the way.

We're going to finals, which you and Dad would know if you ever came to a game.

Sorry. I can't do this tonight.

What? Be a human?

You're just gonna have to give me a break. Okay?

You manage to get it together when it's some bench dedication or some other sad-Adam crap.

Danny!

And Dad's not asleep. He's passed out!

Stop it!

It's been months now!

I don't care!

We lost a child!

And you have two left.

[Sighs]

[Indistinct conversations, mid-tempo music plays]

I'm still picking the gravel out of my panties from the last time we played this game.

I'm not gonna bang down with you.

So serious.

Yeah. 'Cause we're not doing this anymore.

Doing what?

Bridey, I am all about sharing, but I'm not gonna share a chick with my sister.

Well, I don't play favorites.

Well, I don't care. Okay?

'Cause Willa's...

She's not like you and me.

She's...

She's special.

Seriously?

Yeah.

Look, no. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Not good special, like... like weird special.

She's like one of them weird mole people who live in the subway and never come out to see the sunlight, all right?

So this is a big deal to her.

Why are you telling me this?

Because if you're just using her for...

...whatever... it's got to stop.

Okay.

Okay.

You're a good person, Danny Warren.

Right.

Hey. Uh, what do you got for celebrating?

What's the occasion?

I just found out I'm a good person.

So this is good-person whiskey.

Okay. Thank you.

Hey.

What do you want, John?

Uh, I-I'd like to pay for your dinner.

Bad idea.

I had the deep-fried whole catfish.

Thank you.

Is there something else?

Yeah.

I-I-I'd like to know how you helped.

Can we just leave it at "You're welcome"?

You're the first break in my son's case in 10 years.

So, no.

Did you know the guy?

Was he... your friend?

Well, I'm just supposed to believe it's all a coincidence?

What is it that you'd like to believe?

That I hang out with the sexual predator society and we meet on Monday evenings to swap stories and play softball?

Thanks for the thought. Could I get a check, please?

No, will you calm down and just let me...

Why do you want to buy me dinner, John, tonight? Why?

Because you didn't hurt my son.

One catfish does not make a damn dent.

[Door opens, bell jingles, door closes]

My water broke.

What?

I think I'm having the baby.

Is your monster here?

I don't know where he went.

Call him.

He threw his phone away days ago.

Then call 911.

I can't.

You need to go to a hospital.

They'll ask my name.

Jane.

They'll ask where I live. But...

You have to help me.

I'm not a doctor.

Okay.

But you got to get the keys, and I'll do my best.

Get the keys, Jane.

Get the keys.

[Crying]

Get the keys.

Oh, Jane.

[Cries softly]

[Police radio chatter]

Sorry about this. There's just a lot going on out there.

Oh, it's okay.

It's my first time in the hot seat.

[Chuckles]

Let's hope it's your last.

Yeah.

So, do you have a name?

Yes.

Who is it?

It's an ongoing investigation.

We believe that Adam's kidnapper may also have taken Agent Clements.

Oh, my God. I'm so sorry.

Thank you.

But I think I have a right to know.

This is my son we're talking about.

Is it?

Excuse me?

[Chuckles] We're still pretending here?

It's just us in here now.

Okay, well, if you're accusing me, I am gonna need you to say it.

If there's something that you're not telling me that could help us find Agent Clements, you're obstructing a federal investigation.

So who's living in your house, Claire?

Because I know it's not Adam.

[Laughs]

It's just... I'm... I'm... I'm sorry.

It's... It's like that carnival game.

Oh, Adam used to love it.

You know, the one where the little men keep popping up, and you have to hit them back down again.

Whac-A-Mole.

Whac-A-Mole.

Whac-A-Mole. That's it.

You are such an amazing woman.

You keep bouncing back after so much failure.

For the life of me, I cannot imagine what gets you out of bed in the morning.

You put the wrong man behind bars for a decade.

You left a little boy locked in a hellhole, and despite all of your delusional theories, that sick bastard is still running loose out there, doing God knows what to another child, now a federal agent, and somehow, you have convinced yourself that you're not gonna screw it up all over again.

I guess I have nothing to lose.

You have everything to lose.

Even if I knew what you were talking about... and for the record, I do not... do you think that the world would let you come after my family now, after you spent your time screwing my husband when our son was taken instead of looking for him?

You have very little credibility left, so please... go ahead and throw one more delusional theory on the pile, because after I am governor, I will personally make sure that you can save all of the children that you want as a crossing guard.

Who knows?

Maybe you'll finally have success with one.

He had more than one boy down there, didn't he?

[Sighs] God.

You better have your house in order when I catch him.

Go to hell.

[Door closes]

[Cheers and applause]

[Indistinct conversations]

Hi, champ.

Shut up.

[Rock music blaring]

[Door opens, closes]

What are you doing?

[Music stops]

Someone's gonna call the cops.

We know the cops.

What is that?

Gatorade.

Can I have a sip?

No.

You got to give them a break.

They're freaks.

Their kid d*ed.

No. Really?

Our lives are screwed.

We'll be fine.

I Googled it.

When you're younger, you bounce back.

Kids are plastic.

Need some help?

Sure.

Where did you get that?

What?

The watch.

It's a birthday present.

She's been keeping it for Adam.

Mom gave it to me.

She's not your mom.

What's your problem?

Did you hurt him?

[Scoffs]

You can't do that.

Did you?

You brought me here.

Did you hurt my brother?!

Yes.

[Breathing shakily]

Why?

All he talked about was you and Mom and Dad and Danny.

Every day for 10 years.

He had everything.

But you said you loved him.

I hated him, too.

I'll get the forks.

You're doing great, Jane.

[Sobs]

Okay. You're almost there.

I can't.

Yes, you can.

Tuck your chin in and push your feet, okay?

Come on. Push.

[Whimpers]

Good, good, good.

Yeah. Okay.

Now reach with both of your hands.

Oh, God.

Come on. You can do it. Come on, Jane.

Stay with me, Jane. You're doing great.

You're doing great. Reach down. Feel your baby.

You feel that? That's the head.

[Indistinct conversation]

Want some?

♪♪

Soy sauce.

Soy sauce.

Yes. Sorry.

[Laughter]

[Moaning]

[Laughs] Good. You're right there, Jane.

Now pull.

[Grunts]

[Baby cries]

Oh, God.

What? What?

I'm sorry.

What is it? Is it the baby?

I'm so sorry, Jane.

What's wrong with the baby?

Tell me what's wrong with the baby.

It's a boy.

Where'd everybody go?

Outside, to start the fire pit.

Oh, that's a good idea.

Mom, I need to tell you something.

What did you promise them?

What?

The genetics company.

Oh.

Uh, the micro-chipping contract, obviously.

And?

And every other law-enforcement contract in the state... for both terms.

So my entire soul.

We'll obviously make it look transparent.

We'll entertain multiple bids.

I'm sorry.

You've mentioned that.

[Cellphone chimes]

Oh, God.

I've got to do that profile for the Sunday section.

[Sighs] Was there something else?

No.

Ahh.

[Baby coos]

I'm gonna send you my chiropractor's bill when this is all over.

Thank you for helping me.

I didn't do it for free.

When you're feeling up to it and you can move around, you're gonna go back up to that house and get that key.

You're gonna unshackle me, we're gonna get us both to a hospital, and we're gonna be okay.

I can't.

Did he say I'd lie to you?

'Cause he's the one that kept a kid underground.

[Sighs] I'm the good guy in this story here.

I know you want to help me.

Then what's the problem?

He took the key.

What are you talking about?

[Sighs]

I don't know where he went, but he took the key with him.

Jane.

Yeah?

I'm gonna need a drink.

You got whiskey?

[Clears throat]

Vodka?

Freezer.

So, you want to tell me?

Yes.

Are you gonna?

No.

Wils?

You awake?

[Police radio chatter]

Hey. You see this?

What?

The lab report from the shed.

Soil, fertilizer, wood particles.

Well done. It's the forensics of a woodshed.

Bee pollen.

Got it off the grass outside.

He carries it with him.

He was there!

Detective Meyer?

Yeah.

I'm him.