01x02 - The Avengers Protocol (Part 2)

[bunniefuu]

[music]

[Earth rumbling]

[Hulk roars]

Hawkeye: Get us topside, Hulk!

[grunts]

[yells]

[both grunt]

Good Hulk. Next we'll try fetch and play smash.

Stay with me, Stark!

How's a guy supposed to pass out in peace with you yelling like that?

How's he holding up, Falcon?

[beeps]

Falcon: If he was a car, he'd be...

A really cool sports car.

...running on fumes.

He needs medical and tech, now. Where's the Quinjet?

There, there, and, yeah, there.

M.O.D.O.K. and the Red Skull met our arrival enthusiastically.

Widow: [on speakers] I brought my own ride.

Just promise not to rip the leather.

Hawkeye: [grunts] Crowded in here.

Shouldn't those who can jump be outside? Jumping? Hulk?

Deal with it. There's a NATO hospital in Reykjavik.

Twenty minutes if there's no traffic.

A hospital won't cut it.

Tony's armor was the only thing keeping him alive, specifically the ARC reactor.

Without it...

Get me to the mansion.

You sure? I don't know if that'll be possible...

Welcome to the big leagues, Falcon. Impossible is what we do.

Thor: A wind tunnel?

Aye, follow me!

[whimpering]

Hey, do I know how to pick a team or what?

[groans]

Tony. Tony! Iron Man!

Falcon: His vitals are dropping fast!

[theme music playing]

Practice landing much, Natasha?

[grunts]

The lab! Go!

Twice in one day? Thought I was done with this dump.

Dump? Like you've seen nicer.

[grunts]

Try not to die on my first day as an Avenger, Tony.

Come on, Tony.

Come on! [Tony groaning]

That was something I would never want to do again.

Thanks for not electrocuting me on your first day as an Avenger, Sam!

He's not good with "thank yous." Great work, Falcon.

Could you say that again into my phone? I... I want to make it my ring tone.

[chuckles] Rookies.

Jarvis? The Mark 50, if you please.

Jarvis: Sir, the Mark 50 is not ready.

Jarvis, the Mark 50!

[mechanical whirring]

And Sam? Thank you.

See? I can be nice. When I almost die.

Does that mean I get an Avengers membership card?

Just what we needed.

A Stark fan boy with delusions of grandeur.

Iron Skull: Stark's armor is an even greater prize than the Captain's body.

Wearing it not only keeps me alive, it has made me beyond flesh and bone!

Indeed. Iron Man is gone.

Iron Man? Have you learned nothing, M.O.D.O.K.?

It isn't enough to b*at one Avenger.

To fully triumph, we must destroy all they represent.

While they lick their wounds, we shall strike the Avengers where they live.

It would be unfortunate if they made it home with time to plan, yes.

Then it's good that I sent them off with companions, isn't it?

Cap: Any idea what Stark's up to?

Falcon: Nothing I ever worked on. Which makes me totally jealous.

Iron Man: The Mark 50. Prototype modular system.

New armor smell and everything.

In theory, more efficient, more powerful than any of my ARC reactor models.

[grunts]

Oops.

"In theory" equals "untested." Classic.

Details. I'll work it out.

Soon as I do, I'll be smacking the red off of the Red Skull.

You mean "we."

I didn't say "we."

I know that look. It comes right before "it's not you, it's me."

Look, I activated the Avengers protocol because I thought you were gone, Cap.

You're back. I didn't croak. Wins all around, so back to the grind, right?

Seriously? You rebooted the Avengers just to break us up again?

Unbelievable.

And people wonder why I hate people.

Mortals... fun but too complicated.

You're serious? After what we just survived?

Looks that way.

You missed this team, didn't you?

Me? No. I like doing my own thing.

Yo soy solo. You?

S.H.I.E.L.D. sent me to keep an eye on you maniacs and make sure you don't blow up Manhattan.

Fair enough.

Did you really believe that Tony Stark could play quarterback on a team of more than one?

For a minute, kind of did.

Thor: We had some grand battles in this training room, you and I...

You kept thinking you could knock me down.

Did more than think, I think.

What do you say? For old times?

Hulk: Wouldn't wanna mess up that pretty hairdo!

[laughs]

[grunts]

[roars]

[groans]

Mjolnir!

[Thor yells]

[roars]

[laughing]

[roaring]

Thor! Get away.

Admitting defeat? That's not like you!

Hmm?

[growls]

Explain. And if you give me any of that Stark talk, I'll knock you out of that armor myself.

I led the Avengers for a day, and I almost lost everyone.

So you're scared. We all get scared, and we push through.

Cap, I'm not afraid of what could happen to me.

The Skull and M.O.D.O.K. almost got all of you.

What if I lead you somewhere, and I can't bring you back?

That's our choice, isn't it?

[rumbling]

Hmm?

Move!

Guys, enough! He's strongest, you're prettiest, whatever!

No, something's wrong.

You dare touch the Son of Odin? I'll tear you apart, monster!

You are not better than me! [roars]

Hulk smash stupid Avengers!

[straining]

Funny.

Kind of.

Hulk smash you all!

[roars]

Hulk smash!

When did they invent Hulk-buster arrows?

They didn't.

[arrow beeping]

Hulk-blinding.

It's something.

Oh, please.

You make me sick.

You're a washout. Undisciplined.

Better than being Fury's watchdog.

[echoing] Hate you!

[echoing] Hate you more!

Mjolnir!

[growls]

[both yell]

J. Jonah Jameson: [on TV] I can't believe what I'm seeing... but just as we hear the Avengers may get back together, they're tearing one another apart on the front lawn.

As promised. Puppeteer microtech.

I control the machines. The machines control the Avengers!

First we took Stark's heart. Next, we take his country apart.

The Avengers will be our weapons.

[both straining]

[car alarm blaring]

We have to contain this. Falcon, you're with me. Stay close.

Iron Man: Hold on, let me scan for...

That wasn't supposed to happen.

You wanted a solo mission? Fix that armor.

Don't do anything stupid, okay?

You're fired.

For real?

Iron Man: Go!

Jarvis, tools.

What's going on here?

Jarvis: Unusually high levels of aggression amongst the team, sir.

Avengers, get a hold of yourselves!

[beeping]

That's it! Microbots.

Taken in through the respiratory system, sending signals to the brain.

Iron Man: [over radio] Falcon, you don't have a face mask. Get out of there.

M.O.D.O.K.'s work.

M.O.D.O.K.? Where...

[grunts]

Come on, soldier.

Think you're anything more than Stark's prize parakeet?

Better than you'll ever be, old man!

[all grunting]

Perfect. For it is not enough to destroy the Avengers.

You must destroy everything they stand for.

[device beeping]

You ran from S.H.I.E.L.D. We can't count on you.

Me? Everyone knows you're a two-timing traitor!

Go back to your day job, kid. You don't deserve this.

Says the guy responsible for Tony being hurt.

Fought bigger!

b*at badder!

[crowd clamoring]

You will fall, monster!

[roars]

[people screaming]

J. Jonah Jameson: It's absolute chaos out here as Hulk and Thor are...

He could have had them level the mansion. M.O.D.O.K. wants them outside.

Jarvis, scan for any sign of M.O.D.O.K. or the Skull.

Jarvis: Scanning... and finding... nothing.

Of course not. M.O.D.O.K. has them cloaked.

Search for missing or distorted information.

There we go.

Time to do something "stupid."

Oh, this is fun. I wish I'd invented this technology sooner.

Hey, M.O.Dork.

[M.O.D.O.K. screams]

Get off my lawn.

Concentrated E.M.P. ought to do the trick.

[grunting]

[grunts]

What... what just happened?

Was I about to say Cap's shield made his head look small?

Mind control, obviously.

And P.S., there is something very wrong with you.

What happened?

M.O.D.O.K. Microbots. Mind control. Me. Mend. Miracle.

If you want to smash someone, M.O.D.O.K.'s right behind you.

[shudders]

[chuckles]

[M.O.D.O.K. screaming]

Keep your comms open, guys. We're gonna need a team effort here.

He said "team." Sweet.

Perhaps Stark left behind a few secrets.

Aren't you done stealing my toys?

[grunts]

Worked out the kinks?

Actually, no.

That repulsor was about all I had until I can recharge.

Of course, now that you're here...

You lead. I'll follow.

With each maneuver, I'm gathering more intel on his tweaks to my h*jacked tech.

Hawkeye. Short out his armor.

Nice, Cap. Widow, your turn!

For someone who sent us packing, you're awfully liberal with the orders.

[Iron Skull groans]

Else was gonna save you from yourselves?

Thor, he's wide open! Hammer time.

[grunts]

Falcon, these are Skull's armor specs.

Show him what a rookie can do.

Careful. Keep leading like that and we might actually stick together.

Iron Skull: Yes, let Stark lead you through your final glorious moment.

[grunts]

This game is over before it has even begun.

I took your armor. I will take your lives.

And take your honor by leaving a scar on this nation that will forever be blamed on the Avengers!

[expl*si*n]

What was that?

That was the mansion's reactor, not a good boom.

[expl*si*n]

Falcon: The Skull and M.O.D.O.K. disabled all of the reactor's safety systems.

Energy discharges have escaped the shields, multi-phase generators are falling out of synchronicity.

Hawkeye: Less geek speak, please, buddy?

Ninety seconds, the reactor blows.

Manhattan goes world's biggest skate bowl, and we have a serious P.R. problem.

Really? Now?

Joking in the face of certain death is part of my charm.

So is being a super genius. Think, Einstein.

Eighty seconds.

Falcon, we need a coil g*n that can fire a small sun.

You and lightning rod are the pair. Lots of speed, lots of electricity.

Try to keep up and get ready to bring the thunder.

He has your spark. I like him.

Anyone not shielded by armor or gamma-irradiated skin should probably clear the area of civilians.

Hulk, it's time to get angry.

My favorite time of day.

It's physics, risky physics.

Tony's betting we can contain the force of the expl*si*n and direct it into space like a b*llet from a g*n at 3,000 miles per minute.

Does that sound crazy?

Yes. And also like great fun.

Let's do it, then.

Good and angry?

I'm always angry!

[grunts]

Hard as you can throw it, straight into the vortex, green guy.

[roars]

Saving New York with science is cool.

Having songs sung about your bravery is even cooler. Falcon?

The songs shall wait till you wake.

I had stuff in there, you know, really, really expensive stuff.

Your comic books?

I had them moved to storage three months ago.

Oh. Okay. We're... we're cool then.

Pass out?

A little.

So, that's it? Mansion's gone, bad guys gone.

Avengers gone?

Let's talk.

M.O.D.O.K.: We have collected more data.

No more of their weaknesses. We should strike again soon, before they have time to regroup and att*ck us.

Enough!

[screams]

Stark stands with giants! I must do the same if I am to succeed.

Iron Skull: If you are receiving this signal, consider it a sign of my respect and a call to arms.

Time and again, we have been kept from our rightful place by these so-called Avengers because we are unable to put aside petty differences.

If you want your fates to change, if you want the world to tremble before you, stand at my side. Join my cabal.

And we will destroy the Avengers, together!

The Skull almost took us out by teaming with M.O.D.O.K., which means he's gonna try again, but with bigger and badder allies.

Your robo-butler tell you this?

No, the Skull did.

S.H.I.E.L.D. intercepted one of these love letters and passed along the message.

The Skull's building a cabal of equals to do what he can't do alone.

Just like you guys... us guys.

Only, you know, evil. Hmm.

Thanks for clarifying, Sam.

Point is, if the who's who of bad guys R.S.V.P. to the Skull's revenge party, the world will be facing threats of a whole new magnitude.

Threats that only we can face, the Avengers.

And your way to keep us together is a super-hero sleep-over boot camp?

In the army we worked together, trained together, lived together.

Right, only this isn't the army.

This is our new home, courtesy of Stark Industries!

Tony, I was thinking something more Spartan, bare essentials.

Beats my quarters at S.H.I.E.L.D., which I lost when I got fired, by the way.

I have all of Asgard as my home, you would confine me to this... shack?

Well, I'm going to the ladies room.

Wait, there is no ladies room. Problem.

Guys, big picture.

If you believe that a small group of us working together can make a difference...

We just proved that saving New York.

The real question is, if we follow, will you lead?

You have my word, no backsies this time.

[rumbling]

I'm in. Oh, by the way, something's wrong with your fridge.

At least S.H.I.E.L.D. has indestructible doors. Right, Widow?

The disappearing Black Widow, everyone.

Here, then not. This is gonna be a disaster.

[alarm blaring]

Jarvis: Gentlemen, the great wall of China just stood up and is smashing towards Beijing. Interested?

Avengers, assemble!

[theme music playing]

[roars]

Jarvis, engage Avenjet Prime.

What's an "Avenjet Prime"?

You're standing in it.

This is the best day of my life. Whoo!

Show off.

What? Your house doesn't do this?

[theme music playing]