01x04 - The Serpent of Doom

[bunniefuu]

[people screaming]

Man: Look out! [crashing]

[growls]

[grunts]

Ulik, you are not welcome here.

Where did a troll like you get such a w*apon of Asgard?

I think you've more pressing concerns, Odinson.

[rumbling]

Ulik: Hmph.

What damage have you done?

You'll soon find out.

Not again.

[grunts]

Prepare for your demise.

Long have I waited for this day!

[repulsor ray f*ring] [groans]

Iron Man: Mind if I crash the party?

Running a scan on your playmate, Thor.

One second and I'll know exactly how we should deal with...

Thor: He is not of Earth.

Even worse for you, there is magic involved.

Call it what you want.

To me it's just science I haven't figured out yet.

[yells]

[grunts]

[growls]

Have at thee, Prince of Asgard.

Home run!

[roars]

[coughing]

He is down. There is a much more pressing concern.

I know, I know. Lost Asgardian battle a*.

Is this bad?

Very.

Ulik's arrival from the underworld is one thing.

His use of that w*apon reveals a terrible truth.

An ancient legend that does not bode well for me.

Which legend are you referring to?

The only one that has ever mattered to me, my friend.

For on this day, I may be destined to perish.

Where is it? We must find Ulik's w*apon.

Unfortunately, it stinks of your brand of science, which is keeping my onboards from getting a fix on it.

Tell me more about this legend. Why is the a* so important?

It cannot remain lost. If it falls into the wrong hands, that w*apon could mean the end of the world.

Okay. Fine. Let's head back to the tower.

I can rig something that will search a lot better than we can.

[humming]

Hydra agent: Hydra agents to base.

Inform Skull that we've secured the object.

[rapid f*ring]

Engaging Latverian hostiles.

Go, go. Go! [glass shattering]

Cap: How's the prisoner?

So far, he's the ideal house guest.

Ulik, is it? To what do we owe the pleasure?

Ask the Odinson.

My hatred of you knows no bounds.

So I came here to see if the legend was true.

And score another point for the so-called legend.

Fortunately, I'm the kind of guy that doesn't let his friends go so easily. Let's hit the datacrux.

Thor: This waiting is intolerable.

Listen, I'm using everything I've got to find Ulik's missing w*apon.

Thor, your life is up to you. Not a legend.

Each of us has a path that is fated to him.

This is mine. I do not expect you to believe.

Sorry, I don't do well with cryptic.

In the meantime, I think I've localized the specific frequency that was causing so much interference when I tried to scan Ulik.

You found it?

You betcha.

Now, let's see which beach we're storming today. Uh-oh.

Cap: That's the Latverian Embassy. That means... [Thor grunts]

Thor: Latveria. So Doom possesses this w*apon?

I'm gonna bill you for that.

Why do I think there's something about this legend Thor isn't telling us?

Red Skull: Von Doom, you have usurped an artifact that is rightfully mine.

It would seem you are mistaken, "Iron Skull."

The a*-hammer is mine.

I sent a squadron of agents to retrieve it.

They became victims of your accursed doom dogs.

Yes. A tragedy.

But the w*r for world supremacy demands casualties.

This w*apon serves a purpose that only I can properly utilize.

And so I shall.

We have both heard the legend of its purpose, but you are tampering with forces you cannot possibly control.

Only together could we...

I am through hearing your pathetic sales pitch for this so-called cabal, Skull. This conversation...

[shattering] ...is over.

And my own ascension has begun.

Iron Man: Time to call the play.

I've got everyone's task assigned.

Please tell me it's me detonating an expl*sive arrow right under Doom's throne.

There is no time to waste, Archer.

We must retrieve this w*apon before more damage is done.

I'm already bored here.

Don't drag your knuckles yet, Hulk. We can't just bust in.

Iron Man's right. Any move on the Latverian Embassy has to be handled with a sizable degree of delicacy.

Falcon, Hawkeye, you're our recon team. Above and below.

We need to get as much boots on the ground intel as possi...

[grunts]

Our two big g*ns just flew the coop.

Not a bad plan. This is no game, brute.

The w*apon is our primary objective.

Who cares about that?

I just wanna smash.

Iron Man: Falcon, you're air cover.

Falcon: Got it.

What're the odds Doom's on vacation?[/i]

Cap: We ever been that lucky?

Iron Man: Nope.

This is Barton. I'm under the embassy.

[mechanical whirring]

[powering down]

[distant thudding]

Uh-oh.

You are trespassing.

[grunts]

I think that's the last of them.

So what's next? Do we just go inside?

Yeah. Find me something else to hit. [rumbling] Hmm?

You dare trespass on Latverian soil?

Is that it?

Thor: Yes.

Its power rivals that of Mjolnir.

So you do possess it. How dare you carry a w*apon of Asgard!

You want it back? Come and get it.

[yells]

[Hulk groans]

Iron Man: New battle plan, Avengers.

Doom's power levels are suddenly off the charts.

Missed. Falcon?

I'm on it.

How'd he do that? That's a Thor trick.

[gasps]

[grunts] What enchantment could this mortal despot possess?

It's not enchantment, Thor. He's modified it with Doomtech.

Thor: Modified or not, its true purpose remains.

Indeed it does.

[all groan]

[people screaming]

Look out!

Whoa![/i]

You dare not tamper with legends older than human history.

Too late. That which you fear the most is on its way. [distant roaring]

Iron Man: Falcon, recon.

Falcon: I really don't wanna know what Thor fears.

[expl*si*n]

[screaming]

Uh...

Iron Man: That would be...

The Midgard Serpent.

The end of all things.

[roars]

[roars]

Getting a scan on our new playmate.

Is it just me, or is this thing actually getting bigger?

Thor: Once unleashed, the Serpent will increase in size and mass, until it is large enough to feast on the Earth itself.

Falcon: Wait a minute. He's gonna swallow the entire planet?

Isn't that what I just said?

Cap: This was Ulik's plan all along, wasn't it?

How does it involve you?

Thor: I am the only one who can defeat the Midgard Serpent.

At the cost of my own life.

Come on, Thor. It's just another big lizard.

We got more than enough muscle to send it back to the swamps.

Yeah, we do.

No snake is gonna swallow Goldilocks while I'm around.

[roars] Hulk, no!

[growls]

[yells]

Okay. I'd like to amend my earlier statement.

[hissing]

You are mine, Serpent. [roars]

Doom is your master!

[roars]

[grunts]

Did I miss anything?

[crowd clamoring]

I'll take that as a yes.

[crowd screaming]

Out for a few minutes, and things turn into a disaster movie.

Hawkeye, we need to get these civilians to safety.

Falcon, obviously we're short a big g*n. A big green one.

Go find him. Bring him back here ASAP.

I'm on it.

You have fought well. If all that I am is to be ended on this day.

Not exactly a win by Avenger standards, is it?

If I must fall so the Serpent falls, then so be it.

Thor!

Soon you will be my w*apon, beast.

The rest of the world will bow before me!

No force on Earth can contain the Serpent, Doom!

We shall see.

[yells]

[expl*si*n]

[panting]

[straining]

[Falcon chuckling] Pretty easy to map Hulk's trajectory.

[siren wailing in the distance]

Up and at 'em, greenie. Come on, big guy.

Man, I am not giving you mouth-to-mouth, got it?

[sighs] Okay, Falc, time to prove it.

[straining] Come on.

[people laughing]

Hope this works.

[grunts]

[sputters] You'd better have a really good reason for doing that.

I know the legend, and I'm the only one who can turn it to my advantage.

No, you're the only one foolish enough to think you can control a force you don't understand.

[both grunting]

You two can argue mythology later. Right now, there's the issue of an enormous lizard doing his own renovations on the Manhattan skyline.

Dr. Doom: Only I have the power to tame the Serpent and make it my sl*ve.

Well, that's a great plan.

And impossible. No mere mortal can control.

[screams]

[roaring]

Thor, there's got to be a better way here.

Only by sacrificing myself to the Serpent can the Earth be saved.

No. I don't accept that.

The legend cannot be denied.

Iron Man: This is no time for...

[grunts]

It is Doom whose destiny shall be fulfilled today.

[grunts]

Neat trick.

No tricks, Stark.

I command this w*apon now. And in doing so, will fulfill my promise to the world, to rule with an iron hand.

You want an iron hand? I've got two.

[groans]

You cannot possibly fathom my capacity to rule.

From this day forward, there will only be one true...

Yikes.

[roars]

Iron Man: Only one way out.

Re-route power for an electroshock exo-charge.

[roars]

[grunts]

[yells]

[cat screeches]

Iron Man: This is humiliating.

[roars]

It's just you and I.

[Serpent growling]

[yells]

[glass shattering]

Consume me and spare Earth.

[roars]

I enter Valhalla proudly.

Thor: How dare you interfere? The legend must be fulfilled.

It's the only way to save this planet.

Sorry, Thor, I don't believe anyone's destiny is automatically chosen for them. Besides, these age-old legends never mentioned the Avengers, did they?

No.

Then get ready to write a new one.

[weapons f*ring]

Listen, you and the serpent going another 10 rounds isn't gonna help anyone.

We just need to get it out of here.

What do you say?

I will do whatever it takes.

[roaring]

Cap: Iron Man, are you reading me?

Yeah, Cap, where are you?[/i]

We're at what's left of the embassy.

Doom's back, and you won't believe what we're seeing.

This is the new world order, monster!

[roars]

Get him off of there, whatever it takes.

After what he did to me, it'll be my pleasure.

Your interference is most unwelcome.

Watch it!

Thor: This is madness.

I've got an idea.

How did Ulik get here? Same as you, I'm assuming?

Not at all. Trolls possess knowledge of hidden rifts that connect Earth and the Asgardian underworld.

Then the first thing we have to do is find the rift.

I've still got Ulik's weird energy signal on file.

Now, discounting him and the w*apon, let's see if we can find it anywhere else.

[computer beeps]

And there it is! I think.

That's the spot right there.

It's like a pinhole in the fabric of space-time.

It needs a bigger jolt of power to blow it wide open.

Any ideas?

Aye. Only one.

[thunder rumbles]

[yells]

Thor: There it is. Ulik's passage back to the underworld.

Then let's make good use of it.

Dr. Doom: Serpent, you shall become a servant of Doom.

Now and forever!

Think this just got serious.

Iron Man, the situation has reached a crisis point.

What's your status?

Iron Man: Just hang tight.[/i]

You hit him high, I'll hit him low.

Indeed. We must drive it to the portal.

[yells]

Doom, this is insane. Even for you.

Let history be my judge.

[grunts]

[Hawkeye screams]

[roaring]

It's digging in.

Wherever you're wanting it to go, it's not going.

Iron Man: It's no use. We need more power.

Falcon: Heads up, guys. Incoming.

Falcon? Please tell me you...

I found him.

And he's coming your way... [grunting]

Now!

Ready for round two.

[impact echoing]

[Serpent roaring]

Pour it on.

Doom! You need to get clear, now.

Dr. Doom: Never! It is my destiny!

[yells]

[growls]

[roars]

Dr. Doom: No.

Nooo!

[Thor yells]

[Thor grunts]

It worked. We've done the impossible.

The Serpent's thr*at has ended.

Hey, it's all in a day's work.

Cap: What about Doom?

I imagine he'll have his hands full in the Asgardian underworld.

[laughing] Indeed.

The Serpent will be the least of his problems.

Well, it couldn't have happened to a nicer dictator.

[sirens wail]

Hawkeye: Yikes. Somebody had better call Damage Control.

I mean, unless you wanna clean this up.

Whoa!

Can I use your face as a shovel?

Nice job.

I think I'm getting the hang of this whole "saving the world" thing.

Iron Man: That's what it's all about.

You're not just a house guest at Avengers tower.

Speaking of which...

Ulik: What? This cannot be.

Surprised, Ulik?

I heard the roar of the Serpent. I felt the Earth tremble.

If he is gone, then you should have perished.

How is this possible?

I decided my own fate. And Odin will decide yours in Asgard.

Iron Man: Yeah. And don't forget to tell dear old dad that when it comes to an Avenger's destiny, no one decides it for us.

Indeed.