01x16 - Bring on the Bad Guys

Episode transcripts for the 2013 TV show "Avengers Assemble". Aired May 2013 - February 2019.*
Watch on Amazon Merchandise Collectibles


"Avengers Assemble" is about the further adventures of the Marvel Universe's mightiest general membership superhero team. Season 3: "Ultron Revolution" revolves around Ultron returning after his apparent demise, planning to replace humanity with robots, and seeking revenge on the Avengers.
Post Reply

01x16 - Bring on the Bad Guys

Post by bunniefuu »

Modok: One more time, you arrogant subroutine!

Jarvis: Negative, you are attempting to illegally access Stark technology.

Modok: Engaging offline application, mark one.

Jarvis: Processing... Access granted.

Welcome back, Mr. Stark.


Modok: That is how you hack software. He's all yours.

Computer, you will refer to me as "Master."

Replay simulation. Avengers versus my Cabal.

As you wish... Master.

Enough! Don't you see..


Jarvis: As you know, the Stark pre-play variable system compiles data collected in combat, creating predictive strategies that drastically increase the Avengers' efficiency in battle.

It's my turn! (Yelling)


Modify pre-play input. Assume that the Cabal works as a unit.

Assume that they perform like Avengers.

Jarvis: Doubtful, but interesting... Master.

Jarvis: Success, 40%.

Red Skull: An understatement, computer.

The transformation of the Cabal's strategy would be significant.

Jarvis: Success, 60%.

(Grunting)

Jarvis: Success, 80%. Master, you have discovered a weakness in the Avengers' defense strategy.

Finally! Play it through.

Modok: Is Stark's little video game all you hoped it would be?

It is the key to everything, M.O.D.O.K.

The Cabal's time is at hand, and Tony Stark has shown me the way.

Jarvis: Success, 100%.

(Slobbering)

(Splashes)

Disgusting.

(Spits) Silence, head, before I pop you like a blowfish.

The repugnant one does have a point.

They're called "Utensils." Try one.

You do not command me. I'm a w*rlord of Atlantis, you are a king of leeches.

(Snarling)

(Laughing)

(Shouts)

(Liquid lapping)

Hmm?

Computer, implement a proper response.

Jarvis: Your wish is my command... Master.

(Groans)

(Grunts)

(Sighs)

Huh?

A cold, red center.

Perfect.

You've never shown such skill. Explain.

What you see before you is a software that was locked deep inside my armor.

The program contains a limitless array of battle tactics and strategies.

It is one of Iron Man's most critical tools.

With it, we have the means to destroy our enemies by using their own methods against them...

With one problem.

Success requires a talent that this group sorely lacks.

Trust.

If success is what you crave, are you willing to trust me?

(Crows cawing)

Lord Dracula, if you please.

(Growls)

Man: No! What is happening? (Crowd clamoring)

Red Skull: (Over speakers) Washington, D.C.!

Your city has been chosen as the first to witness the power of the Cabal!

Hand over your leaders to us, and we shall be merciful.

Defy us, and we shall not.


It has begun! The future of the Cabal rests with you.

We will do our part, Skull.

If you fail us again, there is nothing in this world nor any other, that will stop me from feasting upon your soul.

That would be terrifying, vampire, if I had a soul.

Meet your new king!

t*nk!

(Grunts) Is that the best you humans can muster?

Red Skull: Attuma, you have two minutes and 38 seconds!

(f*ring)

M.O.D.O.K., the vultures are gathering.

Forty-five seconds slower than you predicted, Skull.

When we rule the world, I will see to it the planes run on time.

Cabal! They are here!

Bah! It's only The Thunderer!

I shall knock him back into the sky!

(Roars)

Yeah, what are you going to do to me, fish face?

(Clears throat) They're here.

Red Skull: Impossible! How could they get here so quickly?

My plan was foolproof!

So says the fool!

(Grunts)

Announcing that you're attacking Washington, D.C.?

Are you getting more desperate, or just plain dumber?

(Both grunting)

(Groaning)

(Clattering)

We are at our strongest. The Avengers' day has come!

(Suit powering up)

No!

If by "day," you mean another day the Avengers hand you your bony butt, sure.

(Roaring)

(Groans)

(Groaning)

Since you hooked up with the Adaptoid, you're all body and no brain, M.O.D.O.K.

What? (Screams)

Black Widow: Something's different. The Cabal aren't usually this coordinated.

Hawkeye: Maybe, but a target's still a target.

Jarvis: Master, the percentages are moving so rapidly, even I'm getting dizzy.

Shut up, computer!

Cabal, listen to me!

Stay with the plan! Cabal! Cabal!

Iron Man: In record time. Man, even I'm starting to feel embarrassed for you.

The Cabal might not take D.C. today...

(Beeping)

But you Avengers won't be around to see it!

Computer, commence self-destruct sequence.

Wha... Avengers, move!

(Thrusters roaring)

(Metallic clang) (Groans)

(Grunts)

Quickly, regroup!

Attuma!

M.O.D.O.K.?

Dracula?

So much for trust.

Hawkeye: Well, I say we take the next month off.

I'm gonna need a month just to enjoy this moment!

(Camera focuses)

Say "defeat!" (Laughs)

That's my new profile pic.

(Groaning in pain)

Wouldn't believe it if I wasn't seeing it with my own eye.

Might want to back up.

I know standard procedure's to confiscate his armor, but Skull may have it booby-trapped.

(Growls) I'll get it off him.

(Growls)

Didn't I just say not to do that?

I did, right?

Thor: I know you are angry, but you will break... (Straining)

Just an arm!

Something's wrong. This was too easy.

Don't be such a star-spangled spoilsport.

We do actually catch the bad guys. Once in a while.

Cap's right. As long as the rest of the Cabal is out there, Skull's still a thr*at.

Okay, put the victory cake back in the fridge.

Falcon, we got a blown-up Cabal sub to check out.

Falcon: Sounds like a hoot.
Captain America: Skull's team couldn't have gotten far.

Use the Aven-jet's tracking systems, local police bands, cell feeds, anything that can catch their scent.

And what of you, Captain?

I got a Skull to cr*ck.

I've watched you sacrifice thousands of lives for your own petty ambitions.

Never once have I seen you risk your own for a teammate...

Until today. That troubles me.

We do know each other well, don't we, Captain?

That will make my victory all the more sweet.

Victory? You have no chance of escape.

All your so-called allies abandoned you.

In order to escape, I would first have to have been captured.

And as for allies, (hissing) You seem to be the only one who has been abandoned.

Sometimes being right really bites.

Clever choice of words...

Meat. (Snarls)

(Scraping) (Grunts)

(Growls)

(Sparking)

(Groans)

Now, soldier, your blood is mine.

Not yet. We must have our bargaining chip.

(Snarls)

Falcon: Tony. You might want to see this!

(Camera whirrs)

Is it just me, or does this set-up look like...

The data Crux.

My pre-play software! That armor-stealing, software-hacking...

Cap, we've got a situation. Cap?

Jarvis: Master, Stark has discovered our little secret, as scheduled.

(Blaster's f*ring)

(expl*si*n) Huh?

Greetings, colonel.

Get off my bridge!

(Groans)

No longer is your bridge.

Don't run too far, we'll be needing you shortly.

M.O.D.O.K., will you do the honors?

Uplink complete. The Cabal is in control of the Tri-Carrier.

I am loathe to say it.

Oh, please do.

You are a competent leader, after all.

Iron Man: (On radio) Avengers! Back to the Tri-Carrier!

Jarvis: Master, you're resting on your laurels. You may want to speed...

Cabal! Stay focused!

There are preparations to be made before the Avengers arrive.

Bah! Let them come! I'll do to them what I will do to this fool, Fury!

(Growls) (Groaning)

(Beeping) (Smoke hissing)

Huh?

Stark, you guys are up. Get them off my bridge and I can do the rest.

You soft-shelled fool!

Fury had operational codes not stored in the S.H.I.E.L.D. computer banks!

How does such a nano-sized brain create such a large volume of idiocy?

Watch it, Troll! I'll just make Captain America give us the codes!

(Growls) You'll not touch the soldier!

He and his superior blood are mine!

Stick your face in mine again, parasite, and I will bury it where the sun...

Jarvis: Failure, 60%.

Oh, no, no! Victory is ours...

(expl*si*n)

...to lose.

Incoming!

Jarvis: That is a bit of an understatement... Master.

Careful, guys. Fury's probably gonna want this thing back in one piece.

Let's try not to wreck it...

Much.

(Grunts)

Sure, I'll smash...

Gently!

I do not think you truly mean that, Hulk.

Skull certainly wanted to get on board. What's the play?

Hawkeye: If I say, "duh, he wants the Tri-Carrier," do you promise not to sting me?

No. He's after something bigger.

(Grunts) Bigger? What's bigger?

Jarvis: Success, 40%. Twenty-five... twenty-three...

(Growls)

Skull, I am implementing mark 9-3, divide and conquer strategy.

Yes. Excellent, M.O.D.O.K., that might just work.

Jarvis: Fifty, 65, 70, 75... Cabal! Crush them!

(Yelling) Hulk! Let us play.

You're weird.

I smash weird!

(Growls)

Hulk! Stand aside! The Water King is...

(Wicked laughter)

(Grunts)

You can swim, but you can't run, fish-man.

Cretin! Attuma is not running.

He's leading.

(Beeping)

What is happening?

Wha... Yes, what indeed?

Hulk crash?

No, Hulk splash!

You are in my element now, beast!

One immortal against another, eh?

In the one place devoid of my only weakness.

Can you say the same?

(Snarling)

M.O.D.O.K., I leave the Avengers in your adaptable hands!

My pleasure, Skull.

Adaptoid thing's getting old, melon head.

How about throwing us something new?

(Lasers f*ring)

That's new.

I rather like winning. I'll have to try it more often.

No matter how you slice it, the Cabal can't b*at us.

You just don't have the power!

(Thud)

I am in the process of changing that equation.

Cap!

(Black Widow yells)

Your pathetic attempts to switch roles and be unpredictable is so predictable!

Boom! Did you predict that?

Of course! (Laughing)

Tony, heads up. Big heads up.

M.O.D.O.K.'S loose on the ship.

Cabal! The pawns are in place.

Red Skull: Excellent.

Release the Captain.

(Hissing)

You are good at math, Stark.

Is the life of one worth the lives of so many?

Sometimes I hate math.

Hold on, cap!

(Chuckles)

Avengers!

"Hulk strongest one there is"? I will feed your bones to my dogfish.

(Growls)

(Roaring)

(Grunting)

Iron Man: Avengers, assemble!

Red Skull: Cabal, to me!

This dance ain't over, blue boy.

(Roars)

(Roaring)

(Straining)

Iron Man: Avengers, assemble!

Red Skull: Cabal, to me!

We will meet again, Thunderer.

You let Skull get away?

You're welcome.

We saved the Tri-Carrier from the world's greatest villains, and we saved you. How is that not a win?

They weren't after the Tri-Carrier.

Don't you know who they were holding prisoner on that ship?

Jarvis: Master, isn't this the base where you first started operations?

I thought the idea was to advance your position.


Oh, but I have, computer.

But, sir...

We were victorious! What wars shall we wage next?

Let us discuss that with our newest member.

Hyperion!

Vengeance.

The Avengers will pay for imprisoning me.

In time, Hyperion.

I would like to make you a mutually beneficial proposition.

Trust me.
Post Reply