01x17 - Savages

[bunniefuu]

Tony: An aerial combat assist will raise your game to a whole new level, Cap.

You get it? 'Cause it's up high?

Raised? (Mechanical whirring)

I like my boots on the ground, thank you.

I don't want to rely on tech, and I don't need armor.

You're right. What you need is a way to keep up with me in case there's not a sky-cycle around.

Hence, I took your boring old butt-kickers and I teched them up a bit.

"More tech" does not always equal "more better."

I don't think that's proper grammar.

I'm dumbing it down for the genius.

And we're ready.

Look. Think of it like skiing. On air.

Last time I skied, it was backwards down a mountain f*ring a machine g*n at Hydra agents.

This will be "more better," then.

And hot chocolate for you if you don't break anything.

(Beeps)

(Thrusters revving) Whoa.

Hey! This, uh... not bad, Tony!

Whoa!

(Grunts)

Hey! Time out!

Stark, a little help here?

Uh, shouldn't you, like, shut it down?

(Chuckles) In a second.

This, my friend, is what technology was made for.

(Loud grunting) (Clanging)

(Grunts)

Huh?

(Both grunt)

Yeah, and sometimes, it just kicks you in the butt.

(Chuckles) Five-thousand hits and counting. (Grunting)

Let me make a couple adjustments for you.

No, thanks. Keep your jet boots.

I'll stick with my natural talents.

I don't need technology as a crutch.

But I do?

No offense. You think I'm afraid of tech.

I think you're afraid to be without it.

I mean, you need the Arc reactor to keep you alive, but the rest of it?

Tell me you could go 24 hours without all your toys.

We're really doing this? A bet?

If I win, one week of basic training.

5:00 A.M. wakeup, 10-mile runs, push-ups, pull-ups...

Won't happen, but okay.

And if I win, you test-drive my next invention.

Deal.

You are gonna make an awesome crash test dummy.

When do we start?

Now. (Powering down)

I can't seem to get the base differential to jive with.

The critical convergence value.

Something's probably off with the inverse power coefficients.

Don't forget to carry the three!

What? I didn't make a bet.

Ah.

(Chuckles)

Uh, I want to check the news.

What if Manhattan is under att*ck?

Ugh. People wrap fish in this, you know.

(Dings)

(Clears throat)

We're 110 floors up.

Tony: Seriously?

When will this day end?

I'm done!

It's only been 96 minutes, Tony.

You win! Give it.

(Grunting)

Thirty million hits!

I missed you most of all, Internet. (Smooches)

Now do you see how relying on tech dulls your natural skills?

I like the 21st century.

But I'm not the only one who relies on tech around here.

(Chuckles)

You know, you're right.

We should all give up tech for a few days.

It could be a team-building exercise.

You know, that's a great idea.

It is?

I bet none of you could last 24 hours in a totally tech-free environment.

What are the stakes?

First one who uses tech has to do my laundry.

Huh?

Where's this tech-free environment?

I know just the place.

Thor? Hulk? You guys stay here.

In case the world needs an avenger. Or two.

And make me a promise.

If we're gonna go 24 hours without tech, you'll go a day without destroying my stuff.

Do you think us children, Stark?

Seriously, don't touch anything.

What are we gonna touch first?

Come on, Tony, where are we headed?

You'll find out soon enough.

(Impatient tapping)

Falcon, relax!

(Tapping slows)

Sorry.

Stark's version of "roughing it" is poolside in Cancun with only one Cabana girl.

(Yawns)

(Snores and moans)

(Banging) Whoa!

That Cabana girl does not sound very happy.

(Screeching)

Are those Pterodactyls?

Yes. Yes, they are.

Hold on.

A perfect emergency crash landing.

On manual, I might add.

You took us camping in the savage land?

You said we should get back to nature.

There's nothing more natural than a hidden, prehistoric enclave.

Perfect.

(Camera clicking)

Coolest camping trip in history!

Can we see more dinosaurs?

I doubt it.

I picked a spot far away from the big guys.

I like a good bet, but I'm not stupid.

The 24 tech-free hours.

Start now. (Alarm chirps)

Jarvis is programmed to keep us out of our comfort zone for a whole day.

Unless this is too intense for you guys.

Too intense? This is fantastic!

Let's head into the jungle to make camp. I'll lead.

Seriously, then? There's no pool?

We're surrounded by crazy people.

(Rumbling)

(Growls) I'm hungry!

What are you doing?

Want popcorn!

Friend Hulk, we do not need to rely on Stark's toys.

Energy you need. Energy you shall have!

Let's try... a watermelon.

(Bird calling)

Tony: You can't just put up walls and a roof.

You need adequate cross support, or it all collapses.

All you need is a counterbalance, like this rock.

I'm talking engineering, you've got a rock.

Haven't had to do that in a while.

How's the shelter going?

I miss my lab.

Tony, think of this place as a lab.

You're the experiment. What're you going to find inside?

I hate it when you pep talk and I'm not in air conditioning.

And I hate being hungry. Who packed the marshmallows?

Unless they grow on trees, we don't have 'em.

Dinner's on me, then.

Behold, the super sling 3000... b.C.

(Loud croaking)

But we might not wanna eat anything I could sh**t.

Whoa! Yuck!

Give me those back.

Ugh. Hang on.

(Chewing)

(Sling sh**ting)

Mom's cookies?

They're homemade.

That counts as "natural". Right?

Yep.

Definitely.

I can live with that.

(Distant roaring)

Hulk? There's no way he could smell these all the way down here.

(Rumbling)

Your mom's cooking brings out the beast in everyone.

(Growling) (Rumbling)

I take it back.

I don't want to see any more dinosaurs.

Guys, I swear, there weren't supposed to be any here.

It said so on the S.H.I.E.L.D. maps.

Who knew dinosaurs could read maps?

Take cover! (Grunting)

(Growling)

I think I hate nature.

No!

Jarvis, release my armor.

Jarvis: The 24 hour no-tech rule is still in effect, sir.

Override code 4.

You disabled the override codes, sir.

(Growling)

Then override my override.

Don't be mad at me, sir. I'm just trying to prevent you from washing the Hulk's drawers.

Let's take a scouting position in those trees.

(Straining)

(Groans)

Okay, so I'm not a climber. Big whoop.

It's not like we're ever chasing evil squirrels or anything.

(Growling) (Both gasp)

T-Rex! T-Rex!

(Roaring) And I left the Hulk at home.

(Fly buzzing)

That's the last of it.

The turkey was my favorite.

Blew up real good. Mmm. (Chewing)

But I'm still hungry.

Jarvis: The only food that has not been "barbecued" is a container of mints in Mr. Stark's closet.

I claim those mints in the name of Asgard!

(Grunting) Fat chance, blondie!

(Dinosaurs roaring)

(Snarling) (Grunts)

(Grunting)

(Screams)

(Muttering) Saw this in a movie.

You don't move, they don't chomp.

Never mind!

(Grunts)

Okay, now I just feel stupid.

Tony: Good job.

Seriously, I swung a stick, in case you didn't notice.

This isn't about what you can't do, Tony.

It's about what you can.

I can tell you this...

Those animals weren't after us.

They were running away from something.

And that's bad. (Scoffs)

Are you suggesting we go into the freaky jungle and see what's nasty enough to scare a T-Rex, with just our wits and our bare hands?

All right. Cool.

Tony: (Whispering) Come on, Jarvis, do me a solid.

What do you want? More memory circuits? A bigger hard drive?

Jarvis: I am sorry, sir.

No, you're not.

No. I'm not.

Falcon: Who's drilling here?

(High-pitched whining) Vibranium.

They're mining Vibranium.

Isn't that, like, the rarest metal on Earth?

Rare, indestructible, and very dangerous in the wrong hands.

The only known source of Vibranium is Wakanda.

Justin: (On speakers) Was Wakanda.

In case you missed the very obvious signs, Avengers, (Slurping) I was here first.

Justin Hammer.

Tech Master Justin Hammer?

"Master" is a bit strong.

Tech hobbyist, maybe.

Captain America: Don't underestimate him.

He's one step away from the Cabal.

One very small step, once I buy my way in with a pile of freshly minted Vibranium.

Wait, wait, wait. Where are your Iron man pajamas?

No toys! Well, well, this does make things interesting, doesn't it?

Boys? We have guests!

(Both growling and snarling)

Those raptors are carrying weapons, right?

Yep.

Uh-huh.

And that's my mind snapping.

(Roaring)

Mints! Oh, yeah.

These mints taste like cuff links.

(Thumping)

Thor: Fresh breath shall be mine, Hulk!

(Roaring)

Whoa! What are you...

You're our best chance of stopping Hammer and getting out of here.

Go! Do what you do!

(Yelling) What does that mean?

(Tarzan yell)

(Groans)

(Rumbling)

Whoa! Hey!

Uh... (Clears throat) Thanks.

I'm Tony. Mister, uh...

Rock guy? You're not related to The Thing, are you?

Hmm... (Chuckles)

(Disco music playing)

Skull, baby! I got the mother of all updates for ya.

I care only of the Vibranium.

Then how about a lifetime supply of indestructible Vibranium, and three Avengers?

I'd say this sweetens the pot. Nein?

Ja. If you can hold them until morning.

And that is a considerable if, Herr Hammer.

S.H.I.E.L.D. does not know about this.

(Heavy thudding)

I am Brok. You are welcome here.

You speak English?

There have been others who came before. We learned from them.

This is great! With a stone army, we can take down Hammer in no time.

(Sighs) Always, outsiders want to fight.

We don't fight. We don't run.

So you just... sit?

No, sometimes we craft the silent stone.

And then we sit.

But you've seen Hammer's machine.

It chews right through rock, and I'm assuming rock people.

Maybe it's time for a policy change.

(Rumbling) Ah!

That way is not in our nature.

A thing can only be what it is.

We are not fighters, but a tiny sun burns brightly in you.

You possess the same powers as the one who will destroy us.

Hardly.

All I've done on this trip is run in circles and almost get eaten.

Before I was a fighter, I was a builder.

And if you won't fight, will you help me? Help me build?

Hmm.

That we can do.

Red Skull: I am somewhat impressed.

That does not happen often,

Herr Hammer.

Get used to it, Skull, once I join the Cabal.

Bring me the body of Tony Stark.

And you will sit at my right hand.

Uh, no can do.

My rapto-buddies searched the area.

There was no body.

Probably some dino's midnight snack.

Search for him again.

In the meantime, destroy the others.

Uh, Falcon?

Got any more of those cookies?

(Crashing)

Both: (Surprised) You are kidding me!

Jinx! Owe me a soda. Ha!

Is anyone else gonna say it, or do I have to?

Let's rock!

(Laughing)

This? This is what you come back with?

Oh, I can't bear to see how far you've fallen, Anthony.

Boys?

Hey, before I kick Hammer's butt, does this count as using my "natural skills"?

Yes.

Good. I don't wanna lose another bet.

You're so busy tearing the savage land apart, you can't even see what you could make with it, Hammer.

(g*ns whir)

That's high-density crystalline Obsidian.

Only needs to be a centimeter thick to repel light and raptor claws.

(Raptor snarls)

Vines of the kantua tree can be vulcanized and woven to match the tensile strength of steel.

While also allowing for elasticity.

That means I can jump, punch, and move while covered in rock.

(Grunts)

Why do I have a feeling you knew this was gonna happen?

Because you know me.

And I know Tony. He's a builder.

He doesn't adapt to fit his situation.

He adapts his situation to fit him.

Literally. (Grunts)

Who was it that said a rock is just a rock?

Tony: Someone who's probably realized by now he was wrong.

How did you do this in one night?

I'm a natural leader, remember?

I made friends.

He has shown us what is possible.

Have faith, brothers and sisters of stone.

Just sit down and fire!

Stark! No!

You have to see what you're doing here.

Look, look, I'll cut you in on the Vibranium.

(Phone ringing) (Gasps)

I... Skull! This...

It's nothing. It's just a minor setback to progress.

This was to be expected, Herr Hammer.

For all of your self-proclaimed brilliance, failure is simply part of your nature.

If we meet again, expect it to be unpleasant.

(Rumbling)

Never again, Stark! Never again!

Cap, look out!

(All groaning)

Your polished Obsidian didn't hold up to the Hammer 3000, Stark.

(Powers down)

You know what your problem is, Hammer?

You give tech a bad name.

(Hammer grunts) Aw, Schnitzel!

That, my friend, was au naturel.

With the accent on the "ow."

How do you do that without an iron glove?

Come to training sometime without your armor, and we'll work on it.

For a bunch of guys who like sitting around, you make excellent missiles.

Jarvis: I'm happy to report that the 24-hour technology ban is over, sir.

Not happier than we are.

Guys, guys? Haven't you learned anything?

Falcon: I cannot wait to shower! Check emails!

Hawkeye: Give me anything with an "on" button!

It is our tradition to give a gift (Frog croaks) for your victory feast.

That's, uh...

We're vegetarian.

It's rude to refuse a gift.

(Frog croaks)

Falcon: Ah, that's like a Hulk-frog!

Like Hulk after Shawarma night!

Tony: On second thought, I did miss my armor.

Especially its air filter purification system.

Iron man: (Over speakers) Knowing I was able to handle myself.

Without all the gizmos...

Not a bad feeling.

When do we start those training sessions?

As soon as you can use your gizmos to get this frog smell out of my uniform.

(Dings)

Huh? Oh...

(Hulk sniffs)

Ugh, mint?

Seriously, mint yourself.

Thor: Savages.

(Frog croaks) (Exhales and sniffs)