02x04 - Lying Kings and Drama Queens

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Faking It...

Liam's really into this protest.

You'll each be getting new Skwerkel smartphones and tablets.

She's just trying to buy us.

The woman from Skwerkel...

She's my sister.

And I slept with Amy.

Oh, my God.

I have to tell Karma.

Just loosen up a bit, and I bet you're even prettier when you smile.

Walk quickly before the guards see us escaping and lock the gates.

Did you hear, there's an open spot in the drama club.

Kate Brown got a Blemclear commercial, got an agent, and moved to L.A. for pilot season.

Can you imagine?

My face covered in pimples splashed across my HDTV?

No, thank you.

Hester's drama club is the best in the state, and they're holding auditions this afternoon, and I'm going to audition.

Is that crazy?

Well, they are a bunch of elitist, stuck on themselves ass...

If by crazy you mean brilliant.

Since our break-up, we're invisible again.

This is my chance to get back on the map, and this time for my talent, not my fake sexual orientation.

Yeah, you can't really put that on your college applications.

Question is: Do you think I have talent?

You performed that song in front of the whole school when we had that stupid protest.

People loved you, they covered it on YouTube.

They're looking for triple threats.

Triple thr*at? You are a quadruple thr*at.

You can belch all the letters of the alphabet.

Amy.

Karma was just saying she's auditioning for drama club.

You are.

I'll see you there. Too bad there can only be one singular sensation. I need to talk to you right now.

What is it?

It's okay. I was just leaving.

Play nice. Don't let things get weird at those auditions.

I didn't come here to talk about drama. I came here to talk about drama.

Liam told me you two slept together.

Yeah, my face exactly.

Oh.

Shane, that was the hugest mistake of my life.

I can barely stand thinking about it.

What, having sex with a guy? So you didn't enjoy it?

Or did you? Are you bi now?

What does it all mean?

Oh, what it means that I did the most horrible thing a best friend could do.

You made a mistake.

But don't forget, it was Karma's lie that set this crazy train in motion.

I grabbed a Kn*fe and I plunged it deep into her heart.

Me.

I liked it better when it was her fault.

She can never know.

And I can't believe he told you.

Trust me, telling me was the least of your problems.

Liam is so filled with guilt, he's about to tell Karma.

Where is he?

He stayed home today.

Then where is that?

I don't know. Really, I have no clue.

He is your best friend and you don't know where he lives?

Liam is very private about his family.

I've only been to his house like once.

So you do know.

I'm so bad at secrets.

[Doorbell rings]

Amy, no, no, no. You can't be here.

You have to go.

You want to tell Karma?

Well, I'm here to either change your mind or pull out your tongue, you pick.

The guilt is k*lling me. I have to get this off my chest.

If Karma finds out, it will k*ll her.

I can't pretend that that night never happened.

It's not your secret to tell.

Well, maybe it isn't your secret to keep. Now please leave.

Not until you promise me...

Liam, dear, will you please tell the staff to decant the wine?

Oh, hello.

You have a friend.

She's not my friend.

No, I'm not.

I was, but I'm his girlfriend.

Both: [Chuckling]

She's kidding.

Uh, she has a mild case of Tourett's.

Liam has this weird hang-up on introducing me to his family. Are you guys assassins?

Drug lords? Do you feed on blood?

No, but I would if it could cure my crow's feet.

[Chuckles]

You should join us.

Liam, please do as you were told while I get this lovely young woman into something more appropriate for today's occasion.

Come.

Ooh, fun. Bye.

Ooh-oh-ah-uh. Ooh-oh-ah-uh.

Ooh-oh-ah-uh.

You sound like a chimpanzee.

Do not bother me when I am in the zone.

Right, sorry.

I forgot you treat theater like a bloodsport.

Good luck.

Good luck?

That's bad luck. You're supposed to say "break a leg."

Now why would anyone want to break one of those lovely legs?

Theo.

What's up, Shane?

Remember as you paint sets, my skin tone pops more against dark colors.

Got it.

Do I smell a showmance?

Careful, new relationships can really wreck your concentration.

There is no showmance.

And the only wreck is going to be your ego when I get that spot.

I'm so nervous.

I feel like I'm going to throw up.

And I don't think that they reward that in the scoring unless we're playing someone bulimic.

Oliver, right? I'm Karma.

I know who you are.

Oh, okay.

I was surprised to see you here.

I mean, you don't seem like much of a joiner.

My therapist thinks I should develop new interests.

And I really shouldn't be talking to you, you're one of my triggers.

I'm guessing you'll be singing something original.

I bet it will really give you an edge.

You're just being nice to me to try and get in my head.

Can't I wish you well?

La, la, la, la, la, la, la.

[Clapping]

Applause.

Two hands slapping together.

The universal sign of a job well done.

You all want it.

You all crave it.

But by the end of the day, only one of you will earn it.

My name is Margot.

And in my six years as producer, director, and curator of this great institution's drama department, I have honed my ability to spot diamonds in the rough.

Just ask Connie Britton, who you may know from the hit series, Nashville.

All: [Gasping]

She's my aunt's friend's daughter.

It is I who encouraged her to go to Hollywood.

I was nine.

But diamonds like Connie are only formed under intense pressure, and I'm about to apply that pressure to each and every one of you.

I will push you to your physical, emotional, and spiritual limits.

Whoa, she's intense.

Show business is intense.

Especially when your only credit is pretend lesbian.

First up: Vocals.

Did you all bring your sheet music?

Good. Now tear it up.

I've chosen the classic audition song, Tomorrow from the hit musical, Annie.

That's what I was going to sing.

Today my fiance James and I are celebrating our engagement.

Congressman James Hewett?

He's chairman of the energy and commerce committee.

We met when I was testifying about Skwerkel's position on net neutrality.

Oh, you're the Skwerkel lady.

I thought you looked familiar.

Yeah, you were there when our school staged that protest...

Ah-ah-ah.

I never told father about Liam's little revolution against the family business.

I'm hoping I can count on your discretion.

Yeah, of course.

Wow, I can't believe Liam Booker is the heir to Skwerkel.

Well, he could be one day.

But right now he wants no part of us or the family business.

But I'm hoping that some day soon he'll realize that family is all that matters.

Do we like these?

♪ The sun'll come out tomorrow ♪
♪ Betcha bottom dollar that ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ There'll be sun ♪
♪ Just thinking about ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ Clears away the cobwebs, and the sorrow ♪
♪ Till there's none ♪
♪ When I'm stuck with a day ♪
♪ That's gray ♪
♪ And lonely ♪
♪ I just stick out my chin, and grin ♪
♪ And say ♪
♪ Oh tomorrow, tomorrow ♪
♪ I love you ♪
♪ Tomorrow ♪
♪ You're only a day ♪
♪ Day a... ♪
♪ A... ♪
♪ Way ♪

What's your name, kid?

Karma.

Karma's the one to b*at, people.

You're a bartender now?

I'm making my parents their Martinis.

Dad feels a vigorous shaking bruises the gin.

Shrimp?

Don't mind if I do. Mmm.

You don't know anything about my life.

You're right. And I don't care.

Just promise me you won't tell Karma, and I will make a polite exit, and we never have to speak again.

And if I don't?

So how are those drinks coming?

Here.

Thank you, son.

Mm, you really are an artist.

Hi. Who's this lovely young woman?

Oh, I'm Amy.

I'm Liam's girlfriend, and I'm pregnant.

[Laughs]

Oh, I'm just kidding.

It's just a little in-law humor to break the ice.

Did you two kids meet at school?

We met at a school protest.

What kind of protest?

[Chuckles] Honey, can I steal you away for a sec?

Okay, okay, you win.

I need to hear you say it.

Say what?

"I promise I won't tell Karma we slept together."

I promise I'll let you out at some point.

Hey! [Knocking]

Kudos, everyone, for surviving round one.

Round two is all about movement.

Now partner up.

And dance. Dance!

[Percussive music playing]

Let your bodies speak to each other.

Tell me a story.

That's it.

[Laughing]

Please don't do that.

Commit to the moment.

♪ ♪

Yes. Yes.

Yes.

♪ ♪

[Chuckles] Yes.

Color me impressed.

Lauren and Shane.

Being a strong partner is a hallmark of any great performer.

Hmm.

This reeks of anger and desperation.

I don't think it's intentional.

Yes!

Oh, thank God.

Hey, shrimp girl.

You know, this isn't where we keep the leftovers.

I was locked in here.

Kinky, I like it.

Well, don't mind me. Just in here to grab a few bottles of this Cabernet, which is more expensive than my rent.

I skwerkeled it.

Just to be clear, I'm not one of these people.

Well, your boyfriend is.

Play your cards right and you could be.

He's not my boyfriend.

Um, there are no boyfriends around me...

Right now.

Me either.

So, why are you at this party if you're not part of this whole soap opera?

I came here to...

I'm sorry. Will you excuse me?

You just gave me an idea.

On equal treatment of data and open web standards, I said to myself, "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life with that woman."

[Chuckles]

And here we are.

This is your last chance.

Promise me you won't tell Karma or I'm about to make a scene so juicy I might win a daytime Emmy.

What if I tell her I slept with someone and I don't say that someone was you?

Not a negotiation, last chance.

Wow, you're completely mental.

This is what secrets do to people.

Three, two...

You wouldn't dare 'cause then you'd have no leverage.

How dare you?

That was one.

[Chuckles]

Amy, come on.

Don't touch me!

Amy.

Do you know where I met Liam?

At a protest.

And do you know what we were protesting?

Skwerkel.

All: [Gasping]

Liam.

But it turns out, he was just seducing me.

He never told me his father founded the company.

Who are you, Liam Booker?

[Clapping] That's hilarious.

Amy has been taking improv classes, and she's getting very good.

And if that weren't enough of a betrayal, I also found out that he slept with my best friend.

All: [Gasping]

Son, may I see you in another room?

Hmm.

And now my dad and I watch it together.

He loves it when they go, "Thank you, mood."

It's adorable.

[Snoring]

Sorry, I fell asleep, and went back to 2009 when that still felt fresh.

Tell me something nobody knows.

Uh, yeah, I'm a quarter Filipino.

And I struggle with it every day.

Off the stage, you're wasting my time.

Especially after Oliver showed us such real, raw emotion.

Lauren Cooper, you're up.

You've got talent, Mrs. Cooper.

But I'm worried that you're just another pretty, blonde white girl who's biggest struggle has been whether to have a latte or a cappuccino.

[Bleep] you, I've struggled.

[Purring] The kitty's got claws.

Tell me how you struggled.

I'm not like other girls.

I was born...

[Can falls]

A perfectionist.

Sounds terrible.

Tell me about the pills you're rumored to take.

They're vitamins.

Being a perfectionist takes lots of energy.

Next.

You are getting really good at disappointing this family.

And now, today of all days, this humiliation?

Are you trying to ruin your sister's engagement?

Do not call her that.

Haven't you ruined enough for her already?

Now I have indulged this little defiant phase, but I'm running out of patience.

Now the company needs this marriage to happen, so go out there and make things right.

And how am I supposed to do that?

You're an artist, be creative.

Even on a good day the juice truck doesn't make very much money.

Boo-hoo.

I lived on Graham crackers and slept on throw pillows for two years before I was cast as a featured performer on a carnival cruise, but I digress.

Tell us about your recent breakup with your girlfriend.

Are you heartbroken?

Uh, you know, I mean, people split up.

Taylor Swift pretty much said it all.

Karma!

What kind of empty life will you lead if you don't know yourself?

What can you bring to your characters?

Tear off your mask.

I am heartbroken.

But not for the reason everyone thinks.

[Sighs]

Okay, I know this will probably make everybody hate me, but I'm not really a lesbian.

All: [Gasping]

Go on.

Someone mistook my best friend and me as a couple. It got us attention and popularity, which were two things that I always wanted.

I had said we should go with it, and Amy agreed.

I made you believe that I'm somebody that I'm not, and I'm sorry.

I could be a really insecure person, and I hate that part of who I am.

Desperate for approval.

Like me, like me.

'Cause if you like me, then maybe I'll like myself.

[Clapping]

Brava.

Brava.

Consider this a peace doughnut.

I acted like a mental patient.

And how can I make things better with your dad?

Don't worry about it.

Things were bad long before tonight.

Part of me admires what you did.

You rocked the boat.

Something that I've been too chicken to do.

[Glass clinking]

I just want to say that I'm sorry we caused a commotion on such an important day.

But why stop there?

I'm sorry for being a disappointment.

I'm sorry that I have no interest in joining the family business.

I'm sorry for being an artist, since money and power mean everything to you.

I guess I'm sorry for even being born.

Liam, please not now.

Right, Mom?

That's enough, Liam.

That's right, folks.

Robin, my sister, is really my mother.

She got herself knocked up at 16, and those two, my grandparents.

They shipped her off to boarding school in Switzerland, and then they raised me as their son.

They've all been lying about it for so long, that they actually now believe it.

Oh, L'Chaim.

Wow.

Great party.

If you've come to kick me while I'm down, just please don't.

[Chuckles]

I came to say I admired your honesty earlier.

I wouldn't be surprised if you win.

Seriously, I'm not playing mind games.

So what, are we friends now?

I wouldn't go that far.

But I do have empathy for you and your... situation.

Thanks.

But if you're so desperate for people to like you, maybe you shouldn't be an actress.

[Chuckles]

You might have a point.

Should I go tell Margot you're withdrawing from the competish?

Uh, no.

I think you're pretty brave.

I can never sing and dance in public.

Trust me, I'm doing us all a favor.

Yeah? You're that bad?

Yeah, but I own it.

It's my thing.

Who the [bleep] is Oliver?

I cannot believe... Did I just really say all of that out loud?

You did.

And your family...

Probably disowned me, but right now, I do not give a [bleep].

I have a huge weight off my back.

Now I get why you're so hung up on honesty.

Yeah, well a few years ago I accidentally found my original birth certificate and my whole world cracked.

It weighed me down ever since.

I wish somehow I could unknow it, but, I can't.

I don't want to tell Karma something she can't unknow, I care about her way too much.

That's just how I feel, thank you.

Yeah.

This morning we had one secret between us, now we have two.

Oh, I'm still wearing your sis... mom... mom... momster's dress.

[Chuckles] Don't worry about it.

She's got plenty.

And these earrings?

I could pawn them and pay for college.

[Chuckles]