02x16 - Faking It... Again

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Faking It"...

I want to stay in Austin 'cause my daughter needs me.

I'm not gonna tell Daddy.

This stepsister thing isn't so bad.

Just stay. Please stay.

I can't.

I wish I didn't have to think about this.

I wish I hadn't given you a reason to.

Can I stay here for a while?

Have you ever had your heart broken?

Yeah. There's no magic b*llet.

So according to this book, my love color is teal, while Liam's is more of a magenta.

Of course we couldn't make it work!

What did you get from your book?

Liam is from Mars, and you're from Venus?

Thanks for doing this with me.

That's what best friends are for.

Just remind me how the hat helps again.

Now is the time for me to be figuring out who I am.

Like, I didn't think that I used to be a hat person, but maybe I am, and maybe if I had been a hat person, I could have made it work with Liam.

You don't have to be any kind of person but a Karma person.

So I should probably lose the hat?

Yeah.

[indistinct chatter]

Mom?

Karma.

Oh, my God, the Karma!

Wait, no, um...

Oh, my goodness.

You must be Amy. We've heard so much about you.

I'm Debbie. This is Jackie. We're in your mom's PFLAG group.

We were just finalizing plans for our fund raiser.

It's a hoedown.

Now, Jackie, I thought we agreed we're calling it a square dance.

Yeah, well, a hoedown sounds so much more fun, doesn't it, girls?

Oh, and you two have to come.

Everyone's dying to meet you.

Why?

Uh...

Well, Molly's told us all about you.

Karma and Amy, the out proud and madly in love lesbian couple.

I know. I'm so sorry.

I can't believe you haven't told PFLAG I'm not a lesbian.

That woman Jackie is gunning for my presidency, and her son is actually gay.

If she found out the truth, she would overthrow me and keep me from all the good work I'm doing.

I mean, it's one thing for you to live a lie, but you can't make us live one too.

Yeah, we're really trying not to do that anymore.

You're right.

I'm gonna meditate on this and think about what's led me to this point.

Dad, can you just stop powering the house for one second?

Don't be mad at your mother.

I mean, after the year we've had, you know, losing the house and the business, her PFLAG group is all she has.

Aww.

Molly's been working so hard on this fund raiser, you know.

It would mean the world to her if you two would go.

Together.

As a couple.

Dad, do you not see how insane that is?

I mean, Amy, do you...

Yeah, we could do it.

Mm-hmm.

How could you even consider this?

Well, your mom's always been there for me, and if us being a couple helps her, then I want to do it.

[sighs]

Yeah, but won't it be weird for you?

Why would it be weird?

Ohh.

If you're worried about my feelings, there's nothing to worry about.

That's ancient history.

Okay.

Great, then it's not weird for me.

Let's be lesbians.

Again.

[country music]

Oh!

The guy you just k*lled looked just like Duke.

I wonder what he's doing right now.

I don't know, working out?

What do you think the odds are he's wearing a shirt?

Low, right?

You are dead.

Oh! Shane, we've been at this game for two weeks, and we're so close to b*ating it.

Simmer down, it's just a game. You're obsessed.

I'd rather obsess over a video game than obsess over an ex, like you are.

This one's newish, right?

[gags]

Ugh!

Yeah, I'm the sad one.

You're right.

We used to be Liam and Shane.

We were hookup hunters, and the world was our prey.

It's time to pick up our spears, 'cause we're gonna get back on that horse.

I had a horse once. I loved it, but it ran away.

You're the one that taught me, the best way to get over someone is to...

Get back together with them.

No!

[Bleep], you're right.

We will start tonight.

Yeah!

Now, I don't want to rush you, but Becky's waiting, and it wasn't easy getting this appointment.

Maybe we should skip it.

Since she does your hair, I'd probably just end up looking like a big whore.

[chokes]

Lauren.

What is wrong with you?

You have not been yourself lately.

I think I know why.

You do?

Well, yeah, you're still mad at me for what we talked about at the pageant.

Yep. That's why I'm upset.

Bruce: Well, it's no reason to take it out on poor Farrah.

She didn't do anything wrong.

I can't be here anymore.

What in the...

Amy: That is too funny.

Oh, God, you're all still here.

We thought you'd be out by now.

We were just gonna watch some TV.

And then I was gonna leave.

I could do that now. I'm gonna leave now.

No, Hank, listen.

Hey, nice to finally meet you, man.

Been telling Farrah to invite you over.

You free for dinner?

all: No.

No, uh, I'm gonna be with Amy later at this PFLAG square dance.

Amy: Mm-hmm.

What PFLAG square dance?

And who would pee on a flag?

Parents and Friends of Lesbians and Gays.

So you told your dad about all of that?

Amy: Yeah, and he totally gets it.

It's so nice to have a parent who supports me for once.

[upbeat music]

Do we have to do anything?

Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

The important thing is that you're here.

And if you're moved to, you can lend an ear as people open their hearts and share their experiences.

Whoo-hoo!

Do it, cowboy.

[cheers]

When does the heart opening start?

Whoo!

Jackie?

What is all this?

And what on earth is that?

A human tumbleweed.

[laughs] Isn't it everything?

You were supposed to run any changes by me.

I'm the president.

I'm the social chair, so it is my job to put on a fabulous event.

It is called a fun raiser for a reason.

Fund raiser, you forgot the D.

That's a first.

How is this event supposed to help anyone?

Help them with what? We should be celebrating.

We got the fun kids.

Oh, speaking of which, you girls have got to meet my son.

Honey.

This is Shane and his friend Liam.

This is Karma and her girlfriend, Amy.

Don't you all go to Hester?

No, no, no, no, no. They're not...

Friends with us yet. [laughs]

Let's change that, shall we?

[country music]

I think they have drama together.

This is not healthy, and you're talking to someone who puts aside time to smell Duke's old shirts.

Shane, it's fine.

I don't have feelings for Karma anymore.

They went away when I fell for Reagan.

You covered them up when you fell for Reagan.

Now the Regan Band-Aid's off, and you're pouring salt into your open, gaping Karma wound.

Damn her and her selfish schemes.

It wasn't even my scheme.

Right, so Amy convinced you to pretend to be a couple again?

Yes.

[scoffs]

It was this whole thing with my mom and her PFLAG group.

And... [sighs] Can you just not say anything?

I'll do you one better.

I'm pretending you're not even here.

Why are you even here?

Oh, let me guess.

You and Shane are hitting on gay guys and their girlfriends.

That's none of your business, but yes.

Old Liam is back.

Old Amy isn't back, and to keep it that way, I have boundaries.

No more romantic speeches, no more hand holding, no slow dances, and voila, no feelings.

♪ ♪
♪ Oh, she's the best thing that ♪

What's his deal?

Being all know-it-all-y.

Yeah, Liam too.

Can we just... ignore them and be girlfriends?

Yeah!

Who's ready to open their hearts and minds in a share circle?

Or you can open your legs and jump on that mechanical bull.

Oh, but you can't go now because Karma and Amy were just about to share.

Aww.

Oh, no, I don't think anyone wants to hear us.

No, we... we actually weren't planning on sharing.

But everyone here is dying to hear your beautiful love story.

Please.

[country music]

♪ ♪

What the [bleep] is this?

It's the PFLAG hoedown. We're here to support you.

And your sister, who has two supportive parents.

Where is she, by the way?

I heard you loud and clear today, baby girl.

You're upset with me, so I wanted to show you that I support you.

Every day that I'm with Amy, I just feel like the luckiest girl in the world.

We're not only best friends and lovers, but, um, we're soul mates.

I'm sorry, did you say lovers?

Mom?

You two are faking it again?

When I came here to support you, this isn't what I had in mind.

Please, you only came here to one-up Dad... it's so obvious.

If he had even bothered to show up, I'm sure he would agree that this charade is totally unhealthy.

I don't see the harm.

I'm sorry I'm late.

Amy explained everything to me.

See, Dad gets it, as usual.

Now if you'll excuse me, my fake girlfriend is waiting for me.

[sighs] Fake girlfriends, huh?

I can never keep track of what these kids are into.

♪ ♪

[cheering]

♪ ♪

Come on, Show Pony. You love dancing.

And it'd be a great way for you to meet the people in your community.

This is not my community, there is no I in PFLAG.

Actually, they're inclusive of everyone.

I called the national office. They're real nice folks.

Hey, how you doing? I'm Bruce.

This is my daughter, Lauren.

Nice to meet you, Lauren and Bruce.

Lauren's an intersex. What's your kid have?

[gasps]

Hon...

But Duke's biggest muscle of all was his heart.

Mm-hmm.

Also his quads.

I'm sorry, I'm just dealing with some trust issues from an ex.

Can we start over?

We just realized that we have to go...

Leave the country.

Pee.

Did they just rip cord us?

[grunts]

Staying number one in your class can't leave a lot of free time, I know.

I don't see how it would.

On top of that, you spent spring break building habitat houses in Mexico?

My God, Debbie, it's your favorite song.

Let's go dance.

Can you believe that?

I know.

Like you could ever build a habitat.

[chuckles]

Is my mom proud of me for anything real?

No wonder I'm so good at lying about myself.

It's in my DNA.

We can't let our moms ruin our night.

Let's just forget about this PFLAG stuff and have fun.

You're right.

And there is something I've always wanted to try.

[laughter]

This isn't real, right?

Maybe since we're rooming together, we've started sharing nightmares.

Is it just me, or does that bull remind you of Duke?

Uh, what is my single, handsome son doing just standing around?

I'm sorry, but Duke is gone.

You just need to get over that and move on.

And you... what happened to Liam Booker, teen Lothario?

The 12-year-old that used to hit on my 18-year-old daughter?

What is the one thing I always taught you?

The best way to get over someone is to...

Get under someone else, Mom, we know.

Ooh, you should get under that guy.

I guess I... could give it a sh*t.

That's it. That's my boy. You go get him.

Do not talk about Duke.

And if you don't come home with his phone number, I'm taking away your Xbox.

All right. Now let's find someone for you.

Uh, no, no, no, don't bother.

The Liam Booker you were talking about?

After Karma and I broke up, I thought I could go back to being that guy.

I'm just not him anymore.

Did you say Karma?

[both laughing and cheering]

[both scream]

all: Oh.

Get off me.

Here, let me help you up.

Sorry I body slammed you. You okay?

I'm fine.

Ugh, your hair, let me fix it.

Thanks.

[pop music]

all: Aww.

Such a cute couple. You should be proud.

Too bad they're faking it.

Karma, grab your stuff. We gotta go.

Why, did you tell your friends that I have a space launch to get to?

Actually, Jackie knows you're faking it, and we gotta leave before she tells everyone.

What was I thinking? Lying is wrong.

Why did you tell all of these people lies about me?

Am I that disappointing?

No, honey, no, no, no. This is not about you.

This is about me.

[sighs]

I don't know if you can understand this, but sometimes I say and do things that I think will make people like me.

And I hate that about myself, that I care so much about what these people think.

But I don't think that I can stand to stay here and watch Jackie tell everyone that I lied.

It's okay if you want to go, but, Mom, if these people only like you because of something that isn't real, then they don't actually like you.

And they're not worth all of this.

How did my daughter get so wise?

By pretending to be a lesbian.

[both laugh]

Honey, there you are.

Your father and I are having such a good time.

[laughs]

I'd forgotten how funny he is.

Look, I'm sorry I was so quick to judge earlier.

I know how complicated things can be with a first love.

I just didn't want you holding on to hope, like I did with your father.

You know what, it's years later, and he's finally here.

I mean, for you, I mean.

Mom...

I'm just saying maybe people really can change.

Oh.

♪ So I fill it ♪
♪ With the ones I loved and lost ♪

[alternative music]

Lauren?

Hi. What are you doing here?

My dad thinks I belong here because I'm... you know.

Here. Put that on.

He's so clueless.

Farrah's screwing Amy's dad, and I have to keep it a secret or else my dad gets hurt.

And then his idea of supporting me is dragging me to this PFLAG hoedown and humiliating me.

What the [bleep] are you doing?

Okay.

Look, if it makes you feel any better, I moved out a couple weeks ago, and my parents, they haven't even called.

They don't know where I am, and they don't care.

At least your dad's trying.

I can't believe I'm getting family advice from Liam Booker.

You sure you don't want to ride the bull?

I shouldn't. It's a trigger.

Ha, you're funny. Really funny.

You know, people usually use humor as a defense mechanism, so I guess the question is, what are you defending?

Uh...

Uh, wow.

I'm sorry, that happens sometimes.

My parents are therapists.

Since you brought it up, I just went through a terrible breakup, and I was trying to make jokes to keep me from talking about Duke, because now that I've started talking about him, I'll never stop.

I should go.

No, no, wait.

I'm gonna time you.

You have ten minutes to talk about Duke.

Timer's up, I'm gonna start it over and talk about my ex.

We just broke up last week, and I've been overanalyzing the hell out of it.

But we'll get to that.

And... go.

Uh, okay, don't judge, but our first kiss was behind a dumpster.

Where was the second kiss?

[mellow country music]

♪ ♪
♪ I fall ♪
♪ To pieces ♪
♪ Each time ♪

Thanks for saving a dance for your old man.

I was being too hard on you. I know you're doing your best.

Listen, when I first found out about your condition, you know, your mother wasn't around to talk to.

I didn't know what to do, and I was just trying to protect you.

I thought keeping this whole thing secret was a way to do that.

And I was wrong.

I am... I'm proud of my intersex daughter!

[laughs]

[cheers and applause]

Listen to me, you'll always be my baby girl.

All right, I love you.

So from now on, no more secrets.

♪ You walk by ♪

This has been okay, right? Not too weird?

No, no way. It's been fun.

It has been fun, hasn't it?

No boy drama, no girl drama.

No giant check drama.

Just you and me.

I wish it could always be like this.

Me too.

[microphone feedback]

Um, excuse me, everyone.

I have an announcement to make.

My daughter, Karma, is straight.

[crowd murmuring]

I let you all believe that she was gay because I wanted it to be true, but I have to accept the fact that my daughter will never, ever be a lesbian.

But despite this, she has many other wonderful qualities.

She's kind and caring, creative.

Oh, she has the most beautiful voice.

Oh, and she was so quick to potty train.

Mom! Mom, that's enough, thanks.

Yeah.

I would rather resign my post than change one single thing about my daughter.

[applause]

I cannot believe they're getting off scot-free.

Get used to it.

We're proud to have you as a friend and president.

Well, that was nice.

♪ Uncover your... ♪

I know, I know.

I want to, I do, I just promised my kid I'd stick around.

I... I gotta go.

[sighs]

You should take the job.

No. I promised you.

And I love having you around, but it's not good for Mom.

[sighs]

You being here, all fun and charming, it just lets her have hope again.

Hope? Oh, hey. Your mom does not want me back.

She's always gonna be in love with you, and as long as you're around, she's just gonna keep getting sucked back in.

I wanted to be here for you.

So visit more.

Just call me next time? No more motel getaways with Mom.

[chuckles]

Come here.

Deal.

Amy, there you are. Have you seen your father?

[sighs] He's gone, Mom.

He took the job.

[sighs] Of course he did.

I'm done lying to my dad.

It wasn't fair of me to keep this from him, and it wasn't fair of you to ask me to.

He deserves to know the truth.

And he needs to hear it from you.

There's my family.

I was just talking to the nicest folks.

Their son's a bisexual.

Bruce, honey? Would you drive me home?

We need to talk.

[country music]

You know, it's funny.

When I joined PFLAG, all I really wanted was to help people learn and grow.

[phone buzzes]

But the person who really needed to learn and grow was me.

Is that Amy?

Yeah, she had to go.

Oh, you look really bummed about that.

Are you sure you're straight?

Mom, I am not gay. Let it go.

Okay, okay, I'm sorry.

And I accept you.

Thank you.

♪ ♪

You know, I dated a woman in college.

Mom!

Stacy.

She was the gentlest lover.

Keep talking, and I'm gonna stop dancing.

[laughter]

Ahh!

Sasha, hi. You're home.

Liam, you've grown.

[both chuckle]