02x17 - Prom Scare

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Faking It"...

It's fine.

I don't have feelings for Karma anymore.

I wish it could always be like this.

Farrah: Maybe people really can change.

My daughter will never be a lesbian.

Is that Amy?

Yeah, she had to go.

You should get under that guy.

Shane: I guess I could give it a sh*t.

Ah! Sasha, you're home.

Ah! Sasha, you're home.

Liam, you've grown.

[peaceful music]

[door opens]

Ah! Sasha! Get off!

Wakey, wakey, little mo-bro.

I hate you, you stanksnatch.

Oh, I hate you too, swishdick.

Play hooky with me today?

Please? I am so bored.

I wish, but I just did a run of Saturday morning detentions, and I can't take any more.

Besides, it's been a week since you moved out and, you know, dumped Jake.

Shouldn't you be putting your life back together?

Maybe get a job?

I don't wanna!

Shane, come on, man, hurry up. We're gonna be late.

Uh, Liam, there are sisters present.

Uh, Sasha, hi.

Didn't see you there.

Both of you can relax.

It's not like there's anything down there that I haven't already seen.

What did she mean by that?

Oh, uh, yeah.

A few nights ago, we kind of bumped into each other in the bathroom.

Naked. It was nothing!

Shane, she's your sister.

Yeah, who gave you your first boner.

That was like a million years ago. I was a kid.

Which is why it's so powerful.

I still have wet dreams about my fourth grade swim instructor.

This is nothing like Lifeguard Logan.

I swear I would never go there.

Man, it would be wrong on, like, every level.

[school bell ringing]

It's been tough, but I'm glad she told Bruce.

They're trying to work it out.

They even are considering the tantric healing retreat that your mom recommended.

Well, if they're desperate enough to try that, it must be serious.

How's Lauren dealing with it?

Who knows?

Right now, she's all about planning Junior Prom.

Wait, it's prom season already?

Ugh, God. I am allergic to dancing teens in formal wear.

Why? You worried you can't find a date?

I've got two hot prom dates lined up already.

My couch and my Xbox.

A thruple date, if you will.

Well, you have fun with that.

Next person.

Amy and I will be bucking the trend and going together.

Wait, what? We never...

I know it's silly, but it's a rite of passage.

We could have the whole dance floor to ourselves.

We could request Straight Up on loop.

I prefer Felix's idea.

The couch part, not the video game part.

But I promise, we'll marathon movies about prom, like Carrie.

Wait, the original or the remake?

The original.

And I'm insulted you would even ask me that.

Spin around.

Brian De Palma is a genius.

[buzzing]

Vice principal Beaver, this is the third act of vandalism by this "B" in a week.

You have zero leads as to who it could be?

It's Bevier, sir.

And it could be anyone.

Maybe if you, say, reopened the art room, students could express themselves in there as opposed to out here.

We do not negotiate with vandals.

Just see that this is cleaned up.

Ugh. Where is everybody?

Every time I think I've gotten through to this school, it finds a new way to disappoint me.

Tell me about it.

I have put so much time into planning the perfect prom, and we barely sold any tickets.

These kids have no respect for tradition or authority.

Mm-hmm.

At any other school, I'd cancel prom as punishment for this "B" nonsense.

Here, they would see that as a reward.

Which gives me an idea.

[mischievous music]

♪ ♪

Prom will now be mandatory to all students.

In addition, all must bring dates.

Anyone who refuses to comply will face a month of Saturday detention.

He can't do that.

And if you're saying to yourself "He can't do that," check the terms and conditions you all agreed to.

Life lesson: read the fine print.

[bleep]. [sighs]

Now I have to go to prom with Karma.

This is a disaster.

That's so weird.

You were so over her, remember?

Right before you two mounted that mechanical bull.

Okay. Okay. Okay.

You were right. [sighs]

At the hoedown, my old feelings for Karma came back.

I can't let that happen again.

And prom is supposed to be the most romantic night in all of teendom.

It's an emotional minefield.

You're so lucky you didn't sign Turner's contract.

You don't have to go.

I kind of want to though.

I've been text-flirting my PFLAG crush ever since the hoedown.

I've gotten amazing at the art of the suggestive emoji.

Look.

Oh, creative use of the eggplant.

So you gonna ask him?

Ew, no, he's gonna ask me.

Amy!

both: Shh!

Everyone at the school is freaking.

We're going together, right?

You know, I would, but it's not fair to you.

Fair? What are you talking about?

Karma, you've been dreaming about prom since you were six.

And your dream date wasn't me.

It was a cute boy who's really into you.

Yeah, that would be great.

But...

What about Felix?

Felix is super cute.

Yeah.

What? Ew, Felix?

He's like my brother.

And you're the one always flirting with him.

What? Please.

Oh! Oh! What about your new lab partner?

You said you two have chemistry.

I remember that because then I said, "In more ways than one," and we laughed.

That's a good one.

He is really cute.

The other day, he lit my Bunsen burner.

Go get your flirt on before he asks someone else.

Okay.

Go! Get out.

Okay. Shoo.

Problem solved.

What if their chemistry is all in Karma's delusional self-absorbed head?

Don't talk about Karma like that.

She's my best friend.

Okay, maybe I should get a date just in case.

[playful music]

What the [bleep], Dad?

I can't believe you did this.

Turner?

What the f...

French fries?

I wanted prom to be mandatory.

I never said anything about dates.

Yes, I added it.

I thought it might be a healthy change for some of our students to turn off the video games, get off the couch, and go on an actual date.

On an unrelated note, Lauren, have you met this bright, young student, Felix?

I know he's your son, and, no, it's not happening.

Seriously?

Hey, Oliver, hi.

How you been?

Hey.

Drama Club looks good on you.

Thanks.

So, I wanted to ask you something, um, about prom.

Prom?

Really?

What about prom?

Hi, I'm Jamie.

Hi, Jamie.

I'm Amy.

Nice shirt.

Ollie gave it to me to help get into character.

I'm the lead in his new play.

Oh. Falling Down the Donut Hole: A Tale of Unrequited Love and Despair.

It's just a little experimental, black-boxy thing.

Oh, what did you want to talk to me about?

Never mind.

Carry on.

Oh, wait, I am not okay with you going on a date with another guy.

What am I supposed to do? I'm head of the prom committee.

I'd go with you, but that's not really an option.

It won't be a real date.

I'll have plenty of offers, I'll choose the most harmless one, who will still look decent in pictures, of course.

Fine.

As long as I get veto power.

Deal.

I have to say, I kind of like you all jealous and territorial.

[bell ringing]

So this prom thing is crazy, right?

Yeah. Look at all these people feeding into mass hysteria.

It's textbook groupthink.

Straight people be crazy.

But what can we do?

We have to go, so...

We do have to go... to class.

We're so late.

I'll see you.

Hi there, chem buddy.

Hey.

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Okay, Liam, this is genius.

How did you manage to hack the school announcement system?

Shane, how many times do I have to say it?

I swear, I'm not "B."

[playful music]

Ah, I almost believe you.

Man, when did you become such a Pretty Little Liar?

Wait, does this mean you're also lying about Sasha?

No, I'm not lying about this or about that.

Man, the way you all took me in and accepted me, it's the first time I felt part of a real family.

I swear, I'd never do anything to screw that up.

Aww, that was legit heartwarming.

I believe you, buddy.

Just about the sister thing.

I still know that you're "B."

Hey there, Lil' Liam.

Sasha?

Hi, um, what are you doing here?

Just got a guest pass to come have lunch with Shane.

I've been so bored at home.

I'm just Skwerkeling random things, like the age of consent in Texas.

It's 17.

Hey, didn't you just have a birthday?

Sasha, look. We can't.

Come on, you know you had a thing for me since you were a kid.

True, but... you're fresh off a break-up.

Me too, actually.

And you're six years older than me.

And you're my best friend's sister, so it would just... it would be wrong.

Like, really, really wrong.

[whispering] That's what makes it so hot.

[dance music]

Ah! There's the bell!

Uh, it's a special tone that only teenagers can hear.

Yup, got to go.

Jasmine! Hey! It's Amy!

We met on that dating app SYZZR?

The one in love with her best friend.

Was! Was in love. I am finally over that.

Which is why I'm calling. Prom is coming up...

Let me guess, she wants to go as friends and you're worried about old feelings coming back.

How did you...

I told you. I've been there.

And I hate to break it to you, but you're so not over her yet.

I am. In fact, I had a girlfriend.

And you two broke up because you're both "in different places" or some other bull[bleep] reason.

How did you know all this? Are you from the future?

Yeah, 2000- and-finally-over-her.

Call me when you get here.

[bleep], [bleep], [bleep], [bleep].

Elizabeth? Ever since you joined Madrigals, I've been wanting to ask you... would you do me the honor of allowing me to escort you to Junior prom?

Pick me up after Judge Judy.

[romantic music]

♪ ♪

Okay.

Scene over.

Don't worry, Lauren. Someone will ask you.

Oh, I know! It's Leila I worry about.

No need. I have three offers on the table.

Lauren...

What the [bleep] do you want?

I was just wondering if, uh, you wanted to, uh... Would you ever consider...

Are you seriously asking me to prom after the way that you dumped me?

I am so sorry.

But I was an idiot and now I know that you're totally not a dude.

I was a jerk.

Let me make it up to you.

both: Aww...

You got to admit, we always look great in pictures.

So I just have to pray that things between Karma and Chemistry Guy work out.

I'd say, based on the frowny-face rapidly coming toward us, those prayers went unheard.

I tried all of my best hair flips and still, no prom invite.

I can relate.

I'm trying to bait my crush into asking me, and nothing.

Listen to you two.

Waiting around to be asked like it's the 1800s.

You are woman.

And you are gay man.

Let's hear you roar!

History rewards those who seize the reins of their destinies!

Amy, you are so right.

I'm just gonna ask my crush to prom myself!

Same here.

Oh, in fact, there he is right now.

Oh, mine too!

[upbeat music]

♪ ♪

You've obviously mistaken Wade's friendliness for flirting.

Maybe you've misinterpreted his sensitivity.

Not everyone is gay.

Yeah? Well, not everyone at this school is in love with you.

We're settling this now.

Hey, Wade.

Hi, Wade.

Hey, guys.

I, uh, did not realize you two were friends.

Wade, can you please tell Shane about how you called me cute the other day?

[scoffs] Oh, poor Karma.

He meant cute like a viral video of a puppy sneezing.

Right?

No. No.

I meant cute, as in attractive, hot, sexy.

But you flirted with me at that PFLAG event.

And we talked all about your ex-boyfriend Aaron.

Ex-girlfriend, actually.

It was with an "E," not a double "A."

But you're right. We've been flirting.

both: So are you gay or straight?

I'm bi.

Had that not even occurred as a possibility to you two?

Of course it did.

Bi? Totally. Yeah.

Okay, this is a little awkward, but I like both of you.

And I'm not really sure who I wanna bring to prom yet.

Is that cool?

Totally, cool. Yeah.

The coolest.

Cool, we can talk about this later.

Yeah.

[giggles]

All right. Bye.

Bye.

Bye.

both: Bi?

Well, that was weird. Hm.

Not really. I mean, maybe it was for you, but it wasn't for me.

Right. Well, look.

We need a civil way to decide who gets to take Wade to prom.

What's fair? Should we flip for it?

Rock-Paper-Scissors?

No need for that.

I'm going with Wade because Wade is gay.

Um, he just told us he was bi.

The "bi" label is just a step in the coming out process.

It goes: drunken hookup, curious, bi, full-blown gay, Elton John.

His last relationship was with a girl.

So was every other gay guy before they came out.

Well, what about Amy?

Even you said she could be bi.

It's different for girls.

Whoa.

That is a ridiculous double-standard.

Really close-minded and hypocritical.

If girls can be bi, so can guys.

Wait, are you just trying to freak me out?

Since when are you so open-minded?

Even if a tiny part of Wade is into you, I know what a guy wants, because I am one.

You can't just give up.

Shane's right. I can't compete with him in the battle of bi-boy seduction!

I'm just not that girl.

The day isn't over yet.

Someone can still ask you.

Yeah? Like who?

both: Karma, hi.

Ella. Willa.

You're not going to prom with Liam, right?

Because we thought we'd both ask him.

And let him choose.

Go for it.

I mean, maybe he won't be able to decide and the three of you could just go together.

Right, Amy?

Amy?

Veto! Veto! Veto!

There is no way you're going to prom with your ex-boyfriend.

It's not like it'd be a real date!

After what Tommy did to you, how could you even consider forgiving him?

Forgiveness is a virtue, Anthony.

After all, if you weren't a narc that everyone hates, I could be going with my real boyfriend.

But I can't, and that [bleep] sucks.

What if Tommy's just asking so everyone forgives him?

The entire school's hated him ever since they found out he dumped you for being intersex.

Right. 'Cause he couldn't actually want to go with me.

I didn't mean...

Lauren, wait!

Officers, search their bags.

[indistinct chatter]

What is going on here?

This ends now.

These are all of the school's known visual artists.

One of them has to be "B."

All right, you Banksy wannabes.

You've had your fun.

Now if someone doesn't admit to being "B," you will all be suspended.

And yes, I can do that.

Again, read the Terms & Conditions.

It was me, okay?

[indistinct chatter]

I am "B."

Now, let everyone else go.

B for Booker.

You know, I think we might just skip right past suspension to full-on expulsion...

Stop!

It wasn't Liam.

It was me.

[crowd gasping]

"B" is for Beaver.

I mean, Bevier.

Penelope. Oh, you are so fired.

You can't fire me because I [bleep] quit!

Oh, that felt good. Booker.

You carry that banner 'cause if he's not stopped, there's gonna be no Hester left.

Turner: Get her!

Go!

Go, Miss B, go!

Go.

Run! Run!

[students speaking at once]

Let go of me!

Long live Hester!

[rock music]

♪ ♪

Amy: Felix.

Okay, so you don't have a date for prom yet, right?

Uh, no. I don't.

Neither does Karma.

You should ask her.

Wouldn't that be fun?

I... I don't know.

You know, Karma sees me more as a brother-type.

And she's all into prom, and I hate it.

I hate it, too, Felix, trust me.

But we all have to go, so... why don't we just go together?

Really?

Yeah.

Yeah, uh, yeah, of course.

I mean, you know, 'cause we have to.

Yeah.

What are you two whispering about?

Uh, just stupid prom.

Felix just asked me to go with him and I said yes.

Oh, great.

Prom tickets! Get your prom tickets!

Hey!

Tommy, you begged, you pleaded.

And I, being the forgiving, benevolent person I am, have decided to give you a sh*t at redemption.

Yes, I will go to prom with you.

Unless anyone has any objections they'd like to voice.

Lauren, you will not regret this.

And if you follow this checklist, I won't.

You might want to call the florist now.

The orchids I want in my corsage are very rare.

[phone beeping]

Hello.

Two tickets, please.

One for me, and one for Fred here.

Turner said we have to have dates.

He didn't say they have to be alive.

It might be against God.

But it's not against the rules.

Thank you.

Come on, Freddy.

Sorry.

Sasha, uh, what are you doing here again?

Oh, I stopped by the office and they are just desperate for substitute teachers.

All you need is a college diploma.

Crazy, right?

Oh, wow.

And I can't wait to teach you a thing or two.

[laughs]

So, um, why did you tell Karma I asked you when you asked me?

I did?

Oh, it all happened so fast.

What's the difference, really?

I'm sensing something else is going on here.

Is this... is this prom thing really a date, or is it some sort of weird scheme?

[sighs]

Okay.

The truth is I asked you because I can't go to prom with Karma.

I used to be in love with her and I can't go down that rabbit hole again.

Oh.

Yeah, that makes sense, I guess.

But I didn't want to go to prom in the first place.

And I'm not sure if I want to go as your feelings air-bag.

Yeah. You're right.

And I appreciate you calling me on that.

It kind of makes me want to go with you more.

But just so you don't have to go with Karma.

Yeah.

Well, partially.

But also, you seem like a cool guy.

And we both hate prom.

And making fun of the whole thing with you might make it almost bearable.

Well, I do admire your sarcasm.

Yeah. Yeah, let's do it.

And hey, now that the pressure's off, I don't even have to shower!

Look, I'm not one for playing games.

So I'm just gonna say it.

Will you go to prom with...

[funky music]

Karma?

Wow.

What, did you raid the Drama Club costume department?

Karma, you look...

Wow.

Thanks.

And I just want to say, I'm totally open-minded about the whole "bi" thing.

In fact, why choose?

If you want to date both of us until things get serious, I'm totally cool with that.

♪ ♪

Unless Shane isn't.

♪ ♪

I'm cooler than cool with it.

In fact, you know what would be even cooler?

Is if we all went to prom.

Together.

Great idea.

Principal Turner said dates were mandatory.

But he never said "a" date.

What better way to stick it to him than with a protest?

A thruple date?

I'm in, if Wade is.

♪ ♪

I'm in. I'm in.

Great.

Thruple date.

Thruple date.

Thruple date.

♪ ♪

male announcer: Next on Faking It...

I'm totally cool if Wade wants to swing both ways.

Let her push all she wants. I'm not giving her an inch.

All of Wade's inches will be mine.

This isn't prom by Lauren; it's prom by the little mermaid.

Why didn't you tell me that you were going to prom with a Felix?

Felix wants this to be a real date.

He does?

You just gonna stand there and let that happen?

Want to take this threesome to the next level?