03x10 - Up in Flames

Previously on Faking It...

Let me be the messenger.

But... won't that ruin your chances with Amy?

I think I'll be okay.

If you don't see me as fully male, then maybe we shouldn't date.

Let's talk.

We just did.

The whole internet thinks we're a couple!

Just tweet saying we're just friends.

Right.

Who's this?

Her boyfriend.

You've been lying this whole time?

It was a mistake!

I'm so sorry.

You saved me.

Did I mention that one time when I yawned, and I'm pretty sure Sabrina didn't yawn after me?

That's a sign of a sociopath. I looked it up online!

You have mentioned. Several times.

I'm overdoing it with the Sabrina talk, aren't I?

No. Amy, (BLEEP) talking your ex with your best friend is a constitutional right.

But... it's been two weeks.

You're right.

I've spent way too much time overanalyzing her... crazy.

Yeah. She's not worth it.

So let's go O.D. on fro-yo and not think about her.

Oh, I've missed fro-yo.

Sabrina couldn't do dairy.

Except for that one time she took a bite of my cheeseburger.

So many lies.

Hey, girls! Sorry to interrupt.

We just wanted to invite you to join us.

Yeah. Diane's leading us in her year-end cleansing ritual.

Yeah, uh... no, thanks, Diane.

Well, are you sure? It's way cathartic.

We're symbolically burning things to "let go of" in the new year.

Actually, that sounds perfect, Diane.

This new year...

Both: Let it go, let it go...

I release myself from...

Let it go-go-go...

The clutches of those twin siren sisters tar and nicotine!

Both: Let it go! (WOMEN CHEERING)

I feel different now! Oh!

(EXHALING)

Okay, you're next.

Ready to let it go?

Okay...

All: Let it go, let it go, let it go-go-go!

So long, psycho-Sabrina.

You forced me to watch the dreaded last season of "The L Word" with you... Let it gogo-go...

Let it go, let it go, let it go-go-go.

And...

Let it go, let it go...

Screw you for looking so in love with me in this picture!

Let it go, let it go-go-go!

Let it go, let it go... I'm moving on!

That felt good.

I think that really worked.

(WOMEN WHOOPING)

So proud of you.

It's a new year!

Thanks.

It's a new year!

(SIREN)

Oh, my God.

I am so, so sorry.

Don't worry, Amy.

This definitely isn't your fault.

It'll all be okay.

Aunt Sage sold us some great insurance, so...

And at least Amy is over Sabrina.

Ha. Yep! Ha.

So... over her.

(RINGING)

Morning, muffin.

Hashtag breakfast for my man. Hashtag... Booper.

Lauren, will you stop with the cutesy couple photos already, please?

This is getting ridiculous.

(CHUCKLES)

Would you call doubling up my followers ridiculous?

Everyone is shipping us so hard!

I'm not "shipping" this.

Please, it's been two weeks. Can we fake break up already?

People are invested.

We need to ride this out until Boopermania dies down.

Then right at the moment we've stopped trending...

Bam! We break up and get them talking again.

You're a monster.

(SCOFFS) Don't act like you're not getting something out of this too.

Oh, yeah? What could I possibly be getting out of this?

Oh, what about Karma?

It's obvious you two are just killing time until you inevitably get back together.

So let's speed that up with some old-fashioned jealousy.

I'm not gonna pretend to be in a relationship just to make someone jealous.

If you say so.

(UPBEAT POP MUSIC)

(BOTH GIGGLING)

We get to be roommates!

It's like we're fast-forwarding to "Karma and Amy: The College Years."

Yeah!

Only with parental supervision.

And you're both sure you can handle this emotionally? 'Cause I have to admit, I'm a tiny bit terrified.

Mom, I just broke up with Sabrina.

Yeah, and before that, that thing with Felix.

Mm-hmm.

Which... may or may not still exist.

That too! See?

Have you give any more thought to his offer?

Not that I'm pushing Felix. Or boys in general.

I know how you love to defy me.

Not this time, Mom. You were right.

Everything does happen for a reason.

Sabrina turned out to be a whack job because I'm meant to spend New Year's with Felix.

Are you sure about that?

I mean, it wouldn't be fair to Felix if you're not over Sabrina.

I told you, I am!

And I think we can all agree that Felix is great.

You text him right now and make a plan.

Okay!

Great.

(FARRAH GIGGLES)

Hee-huge news.

Our band's headlining a mysterious New Year's Party hosted by a surprise celebrity.

I don't know... how do we know if it's even real?

Come on, they paid us double our quote... in advance.

Well, why didn't you lead with that?

Text me the info. I'll see you guys there.

Bye, Noah.

Later...

Okay. What is going on with you two?

You used to be all banter, and now you're all business.

I can't talk about it to anyone, okay?

I wish I could, but I can't, all right?

Not even with Noah, 'cause when I tried to, I hurt him, and I don't want to hurt him again.

Can you just drop it, okay?

Shane, what the...

I can't talk about it!

What's going on with him?

He won't say.

He and Noah are having some issues.

Maybe you could give him some advice... you know, since everything's going so well with hashtag-Booper!

Karma... are you jealous?

It's kinda hard to be jealous of something that's so obviously not real.

Mmm! You are a latte genius.

(SCOFFS/LAUGHS)

Voilà!

Wow! I can't believe I'm actually helping you shop for a dress!

This is blowing my mind a little bit.

I wanna look good on New Year's.

And boys like dresses.

I... heard what happened with Sabrina.

Are you okay?

I'm fine. And I'm over it.

And I really don't feel like talking about it, so can we just drop it?

I know from experience that saying you're okay isn't the same as being okay, and...

Mm-mm. Pretending isn't gonna make it all go away.

You're one to talk about pretending, Mrs. Liam Booker.

What makes you think we're pretending?

Because it's absurd!

Lauren, you've done some pretty crazy things to gain followers, but... this one takes the deluded cake.

I am never giving thoughtful advice again.

(WORKERS CHATTERING)

(OBJECTS SHATTER)

Hey, Karma. I'm sorry about your house.

Most of my stuff survived.

Zen is the one who lost everything.

(SOFT LAUGH)

Plus, I get to live with Amy.

Who... I... hear will be kissing you at midnight.

She sent me a text to that effect, yes.

Well, I'm super-happy for you two.

I-I know how much you've wanted this.

So you... can't think of any other reason why I shouldn't go with Amy to New Year's?

(FOOTSTEPS)

Well, if isn't Sabrina the teenage bitch.

Good one.

Karma, please hear me out.

Save it, Sabrina.

Go crawl back under your rock with your boyfriend.

I broke up with Evan... because I wanna be with Amy.

Look at me!

I'm a mess. I can't eat, I can't sleep.

All I can do is think about her.

Have you thought about telling her this instead of us?

I tried... but she won't let me talk to her.

That's why I'm here.

To ask for your help.

Ha. You're asking me to help you.

That's how much I care about Amy.

I'll do whatever it takes. I just can't lose her!

Enough. Even if your feelings were real, Amy's over you.

She's going to New Year's with Felix, and she can't wait, because she's meant to be with him... not you.

(CART RATTLING)

Rough day, honey?

I saw Karma today.

She wasn't even the tiniest bit jealous of us.

Ha! I knew you weren't above making an ex jealous.

Yeah, well, Karma said it's tough to be jealous about something that isn't real.

Why the hell doesn't anyone believe we're dating?

We're living together, sharing space.

Is it so hard to believe that could have turned into something more?

Maybe we need to show everybody just how real we are.

And how exactly will we do that?

How great is this?

So great!

You know, normally, this is the time where I would have to say good night and go home.

Except this is your home.

(GIGGLES)

You know... I almost want to thank Sabrina.

That's a healthy way of looking at it.

I told you... I'm over her.

Night, roomie.

Night, roomie.

(SINGSONG) I forgot about one roomie perk!

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

Spontaneous late-night dance party!

(MUSIC STOPS)

Amy, what's wrong?

I'm sorry. It's nothing.

(SNIFFLES) I'm just being stupid.

You are not being stupid.

How could I not see through her lies?

You knew Sabrina was evil. Why couldn't I see it?

Don't beat yourself up. She fooled everyone.

(SENTIMENTAL POP MUSIC)

I really thought I was falling for someone who... (EXHALES) who loved me back.

That with Sabrina I could have...

What I couldn't give you.

I can't believe I thought that could actually happen for me.

(SIGHS)

♪ Oh oh oh ah ah ♪
♪ Ooh ooh ooh oh oh ooh ♪

(SNIFFLING)

Whoa! This New Year's party's crazy!

The whole school must be here.

Amy, are you sure about this?

I mean, after last night...

Karma, for the billionth time, it was nothing.

But should you really be going out with Felix?

You're still in love with Sabrina.

The Sabrina that I was in love with doesn't exist.

The real Sabrina's not into me.

Felix is.

I owe it to myself to see where it can go.

(CHATTER)

(MUSIC IN BACKGROUND)

Here we are!

Ready to share our love with the world.

Yep! We're very happy!

The camera loves you.

I don't see Karma anywhere.

These photos will get back to her.

Now presenting our very special guest, the star of the new up and coming comedy "Just Joan"...

Oh, (BLEEP)!

Your hostess, Lisbeth Grubbler!

(EXCLAMATIONS)

It's meeee!

I'm baaaack!

Oh!

That's what happened to her?

I heard you killed her. She was discovered at a (BLEEP) Renn Faire and booked a pilot.

I told her it would never see the light of day, but I guess I was wrong.

Wait... do people think I killed her?

You know, this was probably not the best idea for a date, considering I'm an alcoholic and we both hate dancing.

Well, it's not an official date until midnight, so... keep it in your pants, buddy.

(LAUGHS) Right, I'll be sure to... control myself until then.

So will I.

And I have my own dressing room, and I have my own trailer, and I have my own Israeli bodyguard.

And once there was a rabbit on the show, and they let me hold the rabbit.

Wow, Lisbeth, your life sounds so amazing.

It really is.

You know, Lisbeth, I found success too.

Maybe you've heard of my brand...

Life by Lauren?

Do you want me to take a picture with you?

It could help with your brand thingy.

I'm good. The only person I want to take pictures with tonight is my boyfriend Liam Booker.

You remember him, don't you?

You're dating Liam Booker?

Yep. And he and I are blissfully happy.

But good for you about that rabbit, though.

(MELLOW DANCE MUSIC)

Looking for someone?

What? Oh. No.

No one. Nothing.

Oh. I thought you might be looking for the luckiest guy in the world and, hey, you found him, because, boy, am I so happy to be dating Lauren.

(LAUGHS) Really?

You're still on this?

Why is it so hard to believe I'm dating Lauren?

Because in addition to hating lying, you're not very good at it.

Look, I know I'm not the best person to be talking about fake relationships, but unlike me, you've never needed to lie and scheme.

And this whole thing with Lauren... it just isn't you.

I gotta go.

Looks like someone's been eating his spinach.

What's that supposed to mean?

Damn, my foot really lives in my mouth when I'm with you.

Didn't know I was... so flexible.

Shane, I'm sorry.

This isn't your fault. It's me.

Maybe after tonight I shouldn't be in the band.

Hey, come on, can't we talk about it?

No (BLEEP) way!

Jeez, okay, fine.

We don't have to.

My brother's here. I haven't seen him since my parents kicked me out.

Brody, what the hell are you doing here?

You upset I finally found you?

What the hell have you done to yourself?

I haven't done anything except be who I am.

Mom and Dad said you can come home if you just drop all this.

I don't wanna talk to Mom and Dad until they're ready to accept me.

But this isn't who you are.

You're my little sister Britney.

That's not my name. Don't call me that.

Your name is Britney.

His name is Noah.

Shane, don't.

Who the hell are you? This is between me and her.

I'm Shane, and I like butting into other people's business.

That's who I am. And he's Noah.

He's a dude, and he always has been.

You know how I know? Because I'm super (BLEEP) gay, and I couldn't be more gay for your brother.

You should leave.

Now.

You two freaks deserve each other.

Hey, you okay?

I... I need some air.

(CLICK) Ooh! Perfect timing.

I think we should break up.

What? We had a plan!

Yeah. I don't care about that anymore.

This whole thing... it's not me.

But having a hot boyfriend is the only thing I have on Lisbeth.

Hot?

Yes. You are conventionally attractive.

But that's useless to me if we aren't pretend dating.

So here... get in the selfie.

No, Lauren, stop. I am done with this.

Fine. We can break up.

Just give me one minute to... freshen up.

She's not coming back, is she?

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS IN DISTANCE)

(FOOTSTEPS HURRYING)

There you are. Took you long enough.

Karma, thank you so much for doing this for me.

This isn't for you. I'm doing this for Amy.

Doing what for me?

Yeah, Karma, what's going on?

Amy, please...

I don't know what you're up to, but I'm on a date with Felix, and I don't want anyone ruining it.

Come on.

Sweetie muffin?

Come on, your boo needs to talk to you. Ha...

Lauren!

There you are!

Hey, Lisbeth. I'm just... keeping my distance from Liam because we really wanna build up the suspense for our big New Year's moment.

I have to hand it to you.

I thought "Joan" would be inspirational, but... you have me beat.

I mean, a girl like you dating Liam Booker?

What's more inspirational than that?

Noah.

You know, I don't need you to stand up for me.

I can take care of myself.

I know. I'm sorry.

Just... hearing him misgender you like that...

I lost it.

Did you really mean what you said?

Of course I did.

You know, I'm sorry for making you feel like I didn't see you for who you are, because I really do.

Thank you for saying that.

And it's nice to know that... that's the way you feel.

Does this mean we can give it another try?

But... what if I say something dumb or insensitive again?

You're Shane Harvey.

That's... pretty much a guarantee.

Okay, Felix, ten minutes till midnight.

Get those breath mints ready. Uh...

Yeah, um, about that...

I know I'm ready to date, but... are you?

Yeah, of course! Look at me.

I can't (BLEEP) wait!

'Scuse me.

(SHRILL FEEDBACK)

Hi. Uh, I need everyone's attention.

Well, actually, I just need one person's attention.

Amy! Listen.

I know you're hurt.

But I can't stand seeing my best friend give up on hope.

I don't even like Sabrina, but I want you to be happy.

Please hear her out.

(GENTLE MUSIC)

Okay.

First of all, Amy, I am so sorry.

I was pretending to be questioning to get closer to you, to beat Karma, really.

But then I realized why I really did it.

Amy Raudenfeld, I'm in love with you, and I think I have been since camp.

And all the lying, the possessiveness has been about that.

And I know it sounds weird, but... lying about my sexuality made me see the truth.

But I know what I want now.

I want you.

Is there any way... you could find it in your heart to give me a second chance?

(CROWD MURMURING)

Yes.

(ALL CHEERING)

It's almost midnight, everybody.

Make sure that you have that special someone nearby!

There you are. Can you just dump me already?

I wanna go home.

About that.

I was thinking... we can keep fake dating.

Really?

Well, until that bitch Lisbeth leaves town.

Oh! Oh!

You're not gonna regret this.

I'm gonna make you so... fake happy!

Crowd: Ten, nine, eight, seven, six...

You know what we have to do, right, to really sell this?

Four, three...

I'm ready. Let's do it.

Zero, one!

(WHOOPING AND CHEERING)

All: Happy New Year!

(CROWD CHEERING)

Gross.

Yeah.

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot... ♪

Thank you for giving me a second chance.

New Year's is all about fresh starts, right?

♪ Should auld acquaintance be forgot... ♪

(MOUTHING) Thank you.

(MOUTHING) Happy New Year.

♪ For auld lang syne, my dear ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪
♪ We'll take a cup of kindness yet ♪
♪ For auld lang syne ♪

(DANCE MUSIC PLAYS)

So, uh... that was a weird night, huh?

I'm so sorry.

Karma...

I-I wanted to make things right with Amy, but I never, ever wanted you to get hurt.

It's okay. I'm not hurt.

You're not?

No, I mean...

I like Amy. We have a lot in common.

But she wanted to kiss someone else at midnight, and that's okay.

Because, uh...

I did too.

You did?

I'm sorry, was... was that... was that...

I knew I couldn't pull this off...

(MUSIC PLAYS)

(CROWD LAUGHING, SHOUTING)