01x08 - The Adventures of Beth and Lamar

[bunniefuu]

Previously on "Wrecked"...

Yolonzo! Yolonzo?

Yolonzo's dead.

What?

[Coughing]

Oh, my God!

We got to keep you out of sight because if they knew you were down here, they'd eat you.

[Squeals]

You chowed down on a dead dude, and now he's talking to you.

Maybe it's because you're crazy.

Keep your eyes open. Is the safety off?

Of course, it's off.

[Screaming]

Aah!

[g*nsh*t]

[Grunts]

Accident or not, Danny sh*t Pack, and he deserves to be punished.

Danny, I give you three weeks in the pit, and, Owen, you'll be joining him.

We're not gonna go in your pit.

I'm banishing myself and Danny.

Once you leave, you can never return.

[Birds chirping]

[Dog barks in distance]

Steve, what are you doing here?

You're struggling with your satchel.

That's quite nice, actually.

Oh. Hey, hey, Steve.

Steve, take it easy.

[Alarm buzzing]

[Carol snoring]

♪ Every day she takes her morning bath ♪
♪ She wets her hair ♪
♪ Wraps a towel around her ♪
♪ As she's heading for the bedroom chair ♪
♪ It's just another day ♪
♪ Slipping into stockings, stepping into shoes ♪
♪ Dipping in the pocket of her raincoat ♪
♪ It's just another day ♪
♪ At the office where the papers grow, she takes a break ♪
♪ Drinks a mug of coffee ♪
♪ And she finds it hard to stay awake ♪
♪ It's just another day ♪
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo, doo ♪
♪ It's just another day ♪
♪ Doo, doo, doo, doo ♪

Steve, um, we're letting your department go.

Go where?

We're laying off your whole department.

It's just me and Kevin.

Well, actually, we're moving Kevin over to finance.

Wait. It's just me?

Steve, this is one of the hardest rounds of layoff I've ever had to do.

I've been here 15 years.

All right, you don't have to be a d*ck about it.

♪ So sad ♪
♪ So sad ♪
♪ Sometimes you feel ♪

Carol!

What are you doing here?

What am I doing here?

Wait. This isn't my house.

You thought this was your house?

[Scoffs] I've done it again.

I've come to another person's house.

Carol: Eric, you sexy devil, are you talking to yourself out there again?

Who is that?

Steve, what are you doing home?

What am I doing? What's he doing?

Eric, you just fired me. Why would you come here?

Well, I thought you'd go to a bar or something.

♪
♪ It's just another day ♪

Eric: Please don't.

The timing couldn't be worse, mate.

I just renewed my gym membership, and...

Kurt: Steve.

Steve.

Steve.

Steve.

What?

Is this okay for the rope for the shelter?

Oh, yes.

Thanks, Kurt. That's perfect.

[Sighs]

My God, Em, you're burning up. What do I do?

[Coughs] You have to get me off this island.

Mengshu Fever acts really quickly.

If I don't get the proper medication...

This is all my fault.

That whole stupid girls' trip was my idea, and now we're stranded here, and Menshu Fever.

Mengshu.

Menshu?

Mengshu.

Mengshu.

Mengshu.

Mengshu.

I can't even do anything.

I just... Tiny bottles of water.

What about Owen's boat?

What about Owen's boat?

We can use it. You just have to fix it.

[Coughing]

I'm not the one who fixes things.

It's what you always do.

Well, now I need you.

I've always needed you.

You do it. You just need to find a way.

♪

[Bird calling]

Well, that was the...

No more peanuts. Yep.

No more peanuts.

I've had too many peanuts today.

I might be allergic to them.

Yeah.

I'm so hungry, man. I am so hungry.

My stomach hurts with hunger pains.

I just wish Karen were here.

We'd be up to our assholes in boar meat right now.

Why don't we go hunting?

Us?

How hard could it be, really?

That's true. Can't be that hard.

We are men.

Men hunt things.

We created weapons to k*ll things for this reason.

We're the most dominant species on the planet.

Top of the food chain.

We took a k*ller whale out of the ocean and put it in a fish t*nk.

How do we even do that?

We wear other animals as hats.

Sheep aren't walking around wearing manskin coats.

[Bleep] sheep!

Yeah [bleep] sheep!

We're gonna k*ll boars!

Let's go k*ll boars right now!

Oh, my God. I just got scared.

For the boars!

Yeah!

[Both yelling]

[Wincing]

Pack, look at you.

Pretending to be nice, like you're not a friggin' animal who ate a dude.

Yeah, well, you're dead, so who's gonna know?

Steve: Pack!

You were saying?

I've been looking for you.

Hey.

Karen found something in the jungle.

Something I think we need to talk about.

You're screwed, dude.

Steve, I was starving out there.

He was already dead. I'm not a cannibal, I swear!

What?

What?

What?

What?

W-What?

What?

Karen found your Xanax in the jungle.

I was gonna suggest we ration them out.

Yeah, that's a good idea.

What were you talking about there?

Did you eat someone out there?

I was just trying to survive.

Oh, God!

All right. [Sighs]

Pack, no one can ever know about this.

They'll think you're a monster!

You have to promise not to tell anyone.

Please!

I will.

But if I do, I need to know that I can trust you, too.

♪

[Pig snorts]

It's finally here.

My last day in the pit.

[Pig snorts]

You know what that means, don't you, buddy?

Time to get you out of here.

[Pig squeals]

Don't start. You know what they would do if...

[Pig squeals]

I have no choice, all right?

[Pig snorting]

Come here.

I know, I know.

Remember the plan. It's a good plan buddy.

Once you get topside, you take off for that jungle, and yodot look back.

[Pig squeals]

I know. I won't be there.

I won't be there. Shh, I know, shh.

[Pig squeals]

Shh.

Be good now. You hear?

[Exhales deeply] Ready?

No, Meat, here we go.

One, two...

♪

[Pig squeals]

No!

What the hell is this?!

Karen. Oh, God.

Did you just throw a boar at me?

Look, look, look.

He's my little guy, and he's just going to the jungle where he belongs, all right?

So just let him go to the jungle, okay?

Just do the right thing, Karen, please, please.

Oh, I will.

Oh. Oh, Karen.

I love you!

I hate you!

He's been hoarding live contraband down there the whole time.

His name's Meat.

Steve: You know, I'm just disappointed, Todd.

We were gonna let you out today, but after this... Pit extension.

If you touch one hair on his chin, I will split your tiny nuts... Boom!

Relax, Todd.

Nothing's gonna happen with the boar.

Not until we've fattened him up.

[Laughs]

No, no, no, Steve!

Steve! Meat!

No! No!

[Sighs]

This should work.

It has to.

Steve: So, you've built a raft?

Emma and I are gonna sail it to find some help.

I don't know, Flo.

Emma's really sick.

If she doesn't see a doctor soon, she's gonna die.

The two of you out on the ocean? You'll get lost.

You'll both die.

It's a risk we have to take.

So, all I need from you is just some food, water, just a few supplies.

I can't do it. We have low supplies.

I can't devote what little we have to a su1c1de mission.

Steve, are you listening?

It's now or never for Emma.

Well, then, it's never.

I'm sorry. I didn't mean it like that.

I just... I have to look out for the island, all right?

What's best for the island. You understand.

This feels like a place that a boar would like to hang out in, right?

Yeah, totally.

And when it comes, kyah, kyah, kyah!

Down goes the perp.

The perp?

Yeah. Yeah.

You never really had any sort of police training, right?

Oh, no, no, but I know enough basic cop tricks to get by.

Cop tricks? What cop tricks?

You know, standard police officer stuff.

Uh, keep a round in the chamber, always sh**t your hostage.

Always sh**t your hostage?

Always sh**t the hostage.

Okay, say a bad guy has a lady hostage.

You can't get a clean sh*t 'cause she's in the way.

You put one in her leg... Boom!...

She goes down, he's all yours.

Boom, boom! [Laughs]

That is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.

What if you k*ll the hostage?

Sometimes you gotta roll the dice.

[Imitates g*n twirling]

How long is gonna go on for?

No, I don't want to be part of the...

Okay.

Pfew!

Well, I'm glad that that's...

Pfew!

Okay.

Second g*n.

[Imitates g*n twirling]

In your mind, is this like a six sh**t or like an actual police g*n?

.45.

[Rustling]

Hey, shh, shh.

What, what? What is that?

What is that noise?

What is that?

What is that?

What is that?

What is that sound?

Do you hear something?

Was that something?

It's coming this way.

[Boar grunting]

Oh, my God! It's a boar!

[Both screaming]

They're everywhere! They've surrounded us!

Be faster, go!

I can't run faster!

Then let me pass you!

Oh, no!

Hey, Kurt.

You guarding all the supplies from the island thieves?

[Chuckles] Yeah, Steve asked me to.

I don't really get why.

Cool.

Man... do you ever get so horny?

[Spits, coughs]

Yeah.

Sure. I mean, sometimes.

Yeah? Yeah.

You don't happen to know where we can find a condom, do you?

Uh, I could find one.

I could get one right now.

How about you go do that?

I'll guard the stuff.

I'll be right back.

Holy sh*t.

Yes, bitch!

♪

People of the island!

It pains me to have to do this, but Florence, unfortunately, has been caught stealing supplies.

[Crowd murmurs]

Yeah.

I'm trying to save Emma, and he won't let me.

Florence, even if that were true, you could have come and seen me.

I w... I would have been happy to help you out there, okay?

I mean, it's a shame you didn't. It's a shame.

You're insane.

He's totally insane. I went to go see him.

No, she didn't. All right, lower her in.

You have to believe me, I went to go see him.

Down you go! Shush!

You only like him 'cause he's got a stupid accent!

Keep quiet as you're going down there.

He's wearing a hat at night like a freakin' weirdo!

Don't talk as you're being lowered.

Down you go!

[Grunts]

That's the way, just accept it.

[Spits]

Well, well, well.

Look what the sex swing lowered in.

Todd, Steve's gone insane.

I know. He took my Meat.

We have to get out of here.

Todd's listening.

Okay, the raft is right here.

All of the supplies we need are here.

If you can grab the supplies, I can meet you with Emma and the raft down by the water, and then we're out.

Just one problem... We're stuck in the pit.

No one's ever escaped the pit.

Then we're gonna have to be the first.

Hey, guys. I'm standing right here.

Okay, I can hear everything that you're saying.

Your stupid plan, so just shut up and go to bed!

[Whispering] New plan.

We wait till he falls asleep, or there's a guard change.

You boost me out of here, okay?

And then I can snap...

Guys!

Everything you're saying is literally being amplified by the pit.

It's like you're screaming your bullshit into my ear.

And by the way, there is no guard...

[Body thuds]

♪

All right, here you go.

[Grunts] And you're out. There we go.

Hi.

Did you really think I was gonna let you rot in the pit your whole life?

Come here.

What?

God, I have waited so long to do that.

Wow. Look, we gotta get out of here. I heard the whole plan.

I mean, that pit is basically a megaphone.

Come on.

I'm sorry. Who are you?

Who am I?

Corey.

It's me... Corey. Do you not know who I am?

Who the hell is this guy?

Corey!

It's me... Corey.

I've literally been on the island the entire time.

I mean, my God, Florence.

I kind of thought you and I had sort of an unspoken connection, right?

[Farting]

[Laughter]

Uh, don't come in, Harry.

[Farting continues]

My vote is for...

♪ Bum, bum, bum ♪

Florence! [Laughs]

What? Obviously.

Hey, you!

Water's great today! [Laughs]

Cool!

Who the hell is that? I don't know.

This is unbelievable right now. Are you kidding me?

It's like there's 10 of you that think the entire island just revolves around you.

I mean, my God, what am I? What are we?

Just background actors in the story of your freakin' lives?

I can't believe I left Beth for you.

Who?

What? Who?

Beth.

Beth?

You don't know Beth?

She crashed here with her brother, Lamar.

Beth and Lamar?

They found that secret cove a couple weeks ago.

It had all those maps in it.

Could be the key out of here.

It's all anyone was talking about the whole time.

Are you serious?

They could have lost their freakin' lives!

I mean, Jesus Christ!

Todd: All right!

Do you think about anyone other than yourselves?!

Just keep your voice down, Lamar!

I'm not Lamar!

Right.

It's Beth and Lamar.

I'm Corey. This is outrageous right now.

I came over here to stick my neck out to save the two of you.

I don't even know why I did that.

In fact, right now, I'm gonna go get Steve, maybe give him the heads-up on the big escape pl...

I'm back in 100%.

Sorry I lost my cool.

Okay.

So, Todd, you have to go get those supplies, okay?

And then we are gonna go get the raft...

Change of plans, hombres.

I gotta go take care of something.

What? Todd! What about the plan?

Oh, you son of a bitch.

Let him go. We gotta get out of here.

God damn it!

Let's just go back. We're starving out here.

At least back there, we'll be fed.

Danny, I said no.

If this is about you protecting me from the pit, it's okay.

Dude, it's not.

Seriously. I don't mind. I'll go back and do my time.

You don't have to worry about...

Danny, I don't care about you in the pit.

I mean, do you not realize that Steve has got everybody here brainwashed?

They want to stay here forever, and if we go back now, then Steve wins and we're stuck here.

So, the trial, that was never about me.

That was about you getting back at Steve.

I don't know. Yes, sure.

So, this is what you do?

Flight attendant going from city to city, never letting anybody in.

What are you doing? What is this?

Now I know why you want to leave so bad.

If you're stuck here, somebody might actually get to know you.

Danny, get away from me.

I'm not gonna leave you. You're my friend.

Dude, I am not your friend!

We are just stuck here together!

Okay.

[Insects chirping]

Okay, you get her feet, I'll get the head.

You said you'd get the feet.

I want her head.

Shh, shh, shh.

One, two, three.

Who the hell are you?

What? Corey. It's me... Corey.

How does no one remember?

Shh! You know Corey.

She loves... She loves you, Corey.

She never... She never stops talking about you.

No.

She's always, like, "Corey's the best."

Who?

Meat, Meat! Oh, God.

Oh, God. Hey, hey, buddy.

I know, I know. I told you I'd come back for you.

I told you I'd come back for you, and I did.

[Pig squeals]

I know you can be mad, but listen, listen, bro, okay?

You got to go.

No, you gotta go. [Snorts]

There's freaks here, and they want to eat you, and you gotta go to the other side of the island where the other boars are, all right?

[Squeals]

Don't you dare!

Don't you dare do that to me, Meat.

I love you so much, but you can't stay, all right?

You can't do that. All right, you got to go.

All right, buddy.

Yeah, shag ass, stud!

Whoo, you're like the wind, man!

They can't hurt you anymore, Meat. You're gone.

You're gone.

Daddy loves you, Meat.

Okay.

Shh, shh, shh.

Wait. Who's that?

Todd, I thought you bailed.

No, but they're right behind me.

Karen saw me stealing the supplies.

You guys push off. I'll hold them back.

No, wait! You're staying here?

If that pig taught me anything, it's that you gotta fight for the ones you love.

I can't leave Jess behind.

Wow! Even after Chet?

What's that you say?

Yeah, Jess and Chet are banging.

All right [bleep] it. Let's go.

Karen: Look, they're getting away! God damn it!

Someone's got to stay back and hold them off.

I want you to paddle, and I don't want you to ever look back, okay?

Oh, God, I'll find you in this life or the next because I swear...

Harry, hurry the [bleep] up!

Yep, you got it, okay. Here we go.

Goodbye, my love!

Bye.

Goodbye!

[Indistinct shouting]

Stay back! Everybody back!

Get back! Get back!

[g*n cocks]

[Shouting continues]

Cool g*n.

Where'd you get it?

[Sighs]

Can you maybe not tell Carol about this?

Yeah, I'm probably gonna tell her.

It's just, it'd feel weird not telling her.

Hey, you know what you need?

A fresh start.

Yeah, you need to go someplace far away where nobody knows you.

Someplace you can start again, be a new man.

[g*n sh*t]

[Groans] Holy sh*t!

Oh, my God!

The son of a bitch sh*t me.

No one else leaves my island.

Do you hear me?

No one.