01x06 - The Foundation of Learning

(whistles)

Hey, babe, check this out.

Mm. Whoa.

Uh-huh.

I told you it would show.

It's like a dog bite.

(both chuckle)

Guess I'll be wearing a lot of scarves this week.

Yeah, I got a little crazy.

Yes, you did.

So here's something.

Um...

What do you think about pressing pause for a while?

On what?

This whole thing.

Last six weeks, you had planning seventh period, so it was easy for us to sneak around it was fun, but now you've got a class seventh, we don't get to hang till after work, and then it all has to be arranged.

I liked it better when it was more... spontaneous.

Wha...

No.

We're done because I have to work seventh period, and you don't?

I mean... kind of.

Surely it has to be something more than seventh period.

I'm not complicated, kid. That's it.

Okay, yeah.

Sure.

Whatever. That's, yeah, awesome.

So, you're okay? You're not hurt?

Hurt?

Not me. Mm-mm.

You are such a cool kid.

Yeah.

Uh, we should get to school though.

Mm-hmm.

Um, do you want to peace out first and then I'll head out in like five?

You got it.

Great.

Okay. - All right. Feel free to finish your cereal and stuff.

Okay.

There's juice in the fridge.

I'm good. Thank you.

(theme music playing)

Well, I have some very, very bad news, Dr. Brown.

We lost track of over 600 brand-new textbooks.

Paid for and then vanished.

Now, how does one lose 600 textbooks?

Are we sure they were delivered?

Oh yeah. Got the slip right here.

Signed for by Ms. LeBlanc.

Ms. LeBlanc?

The head of the English department?

Mm.

I call her Ms. LeBitch. I do not like her.

And is there anybody at the school you do like, Mr. Gamby?

Russell: Well actually for once, Gamby's right. Veteran school teacher, zero respect for administrators.

Thinks she runs the damn school.

Sound like someone need a smack-down.

So what's the problem?

Welles was scared of her.

Let her do whatever she wanted.

His fear created a monster.

Well, now, it's not all Welles' fault.

I mean, she was pretty much a bitch when she got here.

She's got deep union ties, Mm-hmm. - well liked by the students and faculty.

He just didn't like tussling with her. He knew it was a losing battle.

Some books she signed for went missing like this two years ago.

Yeah.

Welles just swept it under the rug.

My theory, she's ordering more than she needs and selling them to a third party.

Probably figuring no one's checking 'cause it's all backed by tax dollars anyway.

Everybody thinks it's free when Uncle Sugar is footing the bill.

Stealing books from children?

Books!

Books!

The foundation of learning!

Now, that's some low sh1t.

Low sh1t.

That's some... dirty, dirty sh1t for sure.

Anyway, if you decide to move on this, do it delicately.

LeBlanc is a force to be reckoned with.

Mm-hmm.

So am I, Mr. Russell.

So am I.

(school bell chimes)

Hayden: Keep it to one side, please, or go to class.

Snodgrass: Hey!

A History teacher in the English hallway.

Somebody lost?

You wish, kid.

No, I'm trying to find my TA.

I think she's lost.

You have a TA?

Billy!

Oh, I was surrounded by freshmen.

Thank God. Save me.

Ugh. Ugh.

(both chuckle)

Uh, Carrie, this is Amanda Snodgrass. She teaches English here.

Howdy. Hey.

Hey!

I'm, um, just finishing up my degree.

Just gotta knock out this TA thing.

Luckily, they put me with, uh...

Bill-Bill! (laughs)

Ha! Bill-Bill!

Awesome.

Yeah.

Anyway, we gotta run, kid.

I'll see you later.

Yeah. Me too.

Nice to meet you.

You too.

Bye.

Smell you later.

It's wildly inappropriate, but I love that butt thing.

I know!

I think that's gonna be our thing.

It's, like, our thing now that we have together.

(door opens)

Um, Ms. Snodgrass wondered if you had a moment.

What are you doing, Swift?

You announce that someone's here, you see if I'm ready to see them, then you bring them in. You don't do it all at once.

(whispers) Sorry.

(whines) "I'm sorry."

Are you sorry though? 'Cause you keep doing it.

You are dismissed.

Thank you.

Thanks.

This a bad time?

No, it's fine.

Trying to break her in.

Treat her like sh1t, so she'll be better.

Okay.

Just looking at some pictures of my daughter.

Oh, yeah?

Can I see?

Yeah, if you want to.

Some snaps I took of her.

Oh, look at her!

Yeah, I bought that horse.

She looks just like ya.

Actually she doesn't.

She carries around a lot of weight for a girl her age.

It's from her mom's side.

Oh, she'll grow out of that.

I had a lot of chub on me when I was her age.

I find that hard to believe.

I bet you were every bit as attractive at 13 as you are now.

Nope. No, no.

I was quite a mess.

Well, Janelle is going through her own little messy stage right now too.

She's gotten into motocross.

Motocross?

Yeah.

With motorcycles and dirt bikes, jumping over ramps and hills.

Yeah.

I know. I love motocross.

My older brother used to ride.

Me, him, and my dad would go down to the track all the time.

It was awesome.

Oh, well, maybe it's changed since you used to be involved with it 'cause now it's not awesome.

I mean, she was into horseback riding, which is, like, a classic hobby, you know?

Mm-hmm.

Dignified, less rednecky.

I just got a lot of mixed emotions when it comes to motocross.

Um, well, if she's into it, then maybe you should give it a shot.

Get involved.

Huh.

Wow.

You may have something there.

Mm-hmm.

I mean, if she's into motocross, and motocross is Ray's thing, then I should just make it my thing.

That's good.

Who's Ray?

He's a man with limited abilities.

I'm gonna master his talents and render him useless.

Thank you for that. I appreciate it.

Yeah, you're welcome.

Wow.

Is there, uh, something you wanted my help with?

Oh, yes! Um... uh, the last six weeks, I had planning seventh period, and then this six weeks, it got shifted to second period, which is just... (sputters)

So, I was just wondering, can I get it back to seventh?

Cinchy.

Yeah?

Yeah, you came to the right place.

That's awesome!

Yeah.

You want seventh period planning? You got it. Great. - Yes.

I'll put you on the list. You'll have it next term. - Um, next term?

After Christmas?

Mm-hmm.

Oh, I'm gonna need it now actually.

Oh, well, Ms. Snodgrass, I appreciate your help with motocross, but school policy states a teacher can't shift their schedule during a grading cycle.

Has to happen in between cycles.

There's no wiggle room in there?

No wiggly room.

Anything else?

No, no. Thanks.

Are you sure you're okay?

Oh, yeah.

You look like you're about to throw up.

Mm-mm.

I'm still trying to picture you fat, and I just can't picture it.

Oh. (chuckles)

You know?

Go ahead and leave the door open.

Okay.

Yeah. I'm just kidding.

I just wanted to see your body again.

Go on. It's fine. It's over.

Okay.

Turn around, Swift.

Come on, come on, come on.

(beeping)

Come on back.

Come on.

See my hand?

Come on! Come on! Back! Back! Stop!

f*cking... God!

Freaking idiot.

Think I might have clipped your satellite dish.

Is this all of 'em?

All 600. Western Lit.

(exhales) Eggs with Legs is kicking a hornet's nest.

LeBlanc will rally every teacher and student against Brown.

This calls for pizza.

I say margherita. What say you?

I can't.

I gotta go home and study motocross.

That's all my daughter cares about these days.

I thought she was into horses.

Yeah, she was, until Ray got her invested in something I know dick all about.

I can't believe you have a nemesis named Ray.

What a stupid f*cking name.

(gasps)

(yelling in Korean)

Go... Just go the f*ck back inside.

Oh, f*ck! A spoon?

You're gonna f*cking throw a spoon at me?

Russell...

Get your f*cking ass inside!

Take care, bud.

Just get... Just get inside!

(yells)

I will dig up all your f*cking kimchi!

Whoo!

Yeah!

Gale: You're a natural, baby.

Beautiful!

Yeah?

That was gorgeous.

Yeah.

Janelle!

Whoa, it's Dad.

Awesome day for a motorcycle race.

Ray: Wow, Neal.

I never knew you rode.

Yeah, of course I ride, Ray.

I don't know what the big f*cking deal is.

f*ck.

Gale: Ridiculous.

How much did you spend on that, Neal?

This bike is a pretty penny.

This is a sweet bike, man.

Goddammit, Ray.

Get off my bike.

I bought the motorcycle with the blood money I got for selling Shadowfax.

I thought you said that money was going towards my college fund.

Since you decided to pursue motocross, I assumed you're not going to college.

Neal!

Gale!

I can say your first name too, okay?

You're not special. Don't act like you are.

It's okay, Dad.

I'm just glad you're into motocross now.

Isn't it cool?

Honestly, sweetheart, no, it's not cool.

But you're my daughter, so I'm gonna be invested in anything that you are because I love you.

I love you too, Daddy.

That's awesome.

Janelle: Ray, you gotta show Daddy how you can do wheelies.

Gale: Yeah.

Janelle: You gotta see him.

Do one, baby.

It's awesome.

Like the coolest thing in the world.

A wheelie the coolest thing in the world?

Janelle: Yeah.

Gale: Whoo!

Braap braap!

Braap, braap! Yeah, Ray!

Braap!

(engine revs)

Yeah!

Gale: Yeah, Ray! Braap, braap!

Gale and Janelle: Whoo!

Yeah, Ray! Braap, braap!

Yeah, actually, wheelies are pretty cinchy.

Can you do a wheelie?

Yeah, Neal, can you?

You know, I came here to support Janelle, not be an attention hog like Ray.

The m*therf*cker's still up!

Gale and Janelle: Whoo!

Oh, my gosh!

That's my step-daddy.

Yeah.

(applause)

That boy good.

Boy: "I've lost my reputation.

My reputation, lago."

"I thought you had received some bodily wound.

There is more sense in that than reputation.

Reputation is an idle and most false imposition oft got without merit, and lost without deserving."

Wait, stop.

How would you feel if I called you a big, dumb jerk?

(laughter)

I would be impugning your reputation, wouldn't I?

And what if you couldn't fight back, which, of course, you can't because I'm a helpless old lady?

(laughter)

That's what's happened to Cassio.

His reputation is ruined.

Iago, the liar, tries to comfort him.

But the thing is, our bodies recover.

Our reputations, on the other hand...

Final analysis.

Defend your reputation with your life, for it is everything.

Now please continue to work independently for the rest of class while I attend to our visitors.

So what is this very urgent issue?

We'll try not to take up too much of your time.

Every minute of my class time is valuable, Dr. Brown.

You know what else is valuable? Textbooks.

Now, tell me, Ms. LeBlanc, is that your signature right there?

Western Lit. Yeah.

600 copies of?

Of course not. 60 maybe.

Well, 600 copies were delivered.

Well, somebody added a zero to my order.

Just send them back.

We'd love to, but we can't seem to find the textbooks anywhere.

They've just upped and disappeared.

Are you accusing me of something?

Oh, no, ma'am.

Ain't no reason to get all defensive now.

Ain't no reason for double negatives, Dr. Brown.

You correcting my English now?

Well, I am an English teacher.

I am not an underground book dealer.

I did not order 600 books nor did I receive 600 books.

Case closed.

No.

Case is not closed.

Not until we get to the bottom of this.

(school bell chimes)

I need to prepare for my next class, so if there's nothing else?

That'll be all.

Good.

Okay, so when you split an infinitive, you're putting something, usually an adverb, in between two...

Ms. Snodgrass?

Could I please speak to you outside for a moment?

Students: Ooh!

Get a life.

Okay, I will give you planning period back on seventh if you teach me to ride this stupid f*cking motorcycle I bought.

You bought a motorcycle?

Yeah. You told me to. You told me to get involved.

But what you didn't tell me is that motocross is hard as sh1t.

And Ray's actually pretty good at it.

He popped a wheelie and rode it longer than anyone I've ever seen before.

It was like watching a supernatural being.

He went twelve o'clock, huh?

What... what's that?

It's a term for a wheelie.

It's what my brother used to call it.

Okay, well, can you teach me to go twelve o'clock?

First things first, you want to show me what you got.

Let's have you do a... a lap around the field.

Just zip around?

Yep.

Okay.

Hit the jammer here.

Uh, Neal, pull the clutch in.

Okay. I got it. Yeah, yeah.

Nice and smooth on the throttle.

Stop hovering, okay? You're making me nervous.

Back up. Back it up.

Okay.

Goddammit.

(engine revs)

Whoa. Aah! f*ck!

Hey, you got it?

Yeah, yeah.

Yup. Bam. There we go.

Um, well, you need to loosen up.

You look, uh, you look awkward.

I feel like I look pretty cool.

No, you do not.

Once you feel comfortable, it'll all come naturally, so just practice a bunch.

Practice a bunch.

That's what you got for me?

Mm-hmm.

I... I don't have time to practice a bunch.

My daughter's motocross is in two days.

Uh, well, you better get lapping.

And good luck. I'm excited for you.

Can I have seventh period back now?

No, ma'am.

The deal was for you to teach me how to go twelve o'clock, not give me some bullshit, broad strokes lesson.

Oh, come on, Neal.

You come on. This is what you got for me?

I come out here and you're just gonna watch me go around one time?

I gave you some solid advice.

Oh, to believe in myself?

What a disappointment.

Okay, well, thank you. Thank you.

No. No thank you.

Bye.

Yes. Goodbye.

(knock on door)

Belinda: Knock, knock.

Ms. LeBlanc, we got off on the wrong foot.

May I get a redo?

Dr. Brown, I understand what's going on here.

You have lost hundreds of books through mismanagement, and you need a scapegoat.

You are a two-bit, flavor-of-the-month principal.

I teach children.

Without me, there is no education.

Without you, who cares?

How many people remember that one great principal they had?

Zero. That's how many.

Exactly zero.

You think I'm unmemorable?

You keep talking, you uppity hippie.

I will take those Birkenstocks and shove 'em up your pretentious ass.

Threats now? This is outrageous.

I'm calling Superintendent Haas.

You have crossed the wrong bitch.

I'll give you something to remember.

Watch your face.

All right, guys, it's time to write down those study questions for Elizabeth Barrett Browning's "If Thou Must Love Me."

Question one, why does the speaker want to be loved?

Question two, for how long does the speaker hope to be loved for?

Gamby: Do you know what happens to kids your age if you smoke too much marijuana?

You grow tits.

Giant turkey tits hanging down to your knees.

Your estrogen levels get messed up and you'll have breasts out to here by the time you're seniors.

Mr. Gamby?

Do you mind if I have a word?

Students: Ooh!

Man, shut the f*ck up.

If you want to go twelve o'clock, Neal, you gotta believe.

Okay. I believe. Now what?

Now you get comfortable.

Hop on.

Okay.

Okay.

Ooh...

Ooh, no. I'm sorry.

What are you doing?

I'm just trying to be respectful.

Well, give me your hands.

Okay.

Snodgrass: Whoo!

Gamby: Whoa!

♪ ♪

Snodgrass: That's it!

Nice!

(Gamby laughs)

Yeah, that's it, Neal!

(laughs)

Nice and smooth!

Come on.

Come on.

(yells)

sh1t!

Neal...

Goddammit. Something's wrong with this stupid bike.

Hit the gas harder, Neal.

You got this!

I don't think it's gonna work, but I'll try.

Come on.

(students cheer)

Holy sh1t!

Yes, Neal!

Twelve o'clock!

(students cheer)

(cheers)

Neal!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

Holy sh1t!

I did it!

I f*cking did it!

Oh, f*ck!

Well, I can't thank you enough.

Learning to twelve o'clock is just the thing I need to finally crush my ex-wife's husband.

Yeah.

f*ck that guy.

(both chuckle)

And as agreed, here's your new schedule.

Gamby promise fulfilled.

Awesome. Thank you, Neal.

I don't know if you'd be interested in coming to Janelle's race.

I could sure use the backup.

I... I mean, I would love to, but now that I have this period back, I should... I've been missing...

Use it for planning. Yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Of course. Yeah.

I'm sorry if that was crossing a line or anything. - Oh, no, no, not at all.

Thank you for the invite.

Cool.

Would have been cool.

Yeah, super cool.

Good luck with your work.

Good luck with the race.

You're a good teacher.

Okay.

Adios.

Bye.

♪ ♪

Russell: Tomorrow is the day!

Conflict resolution with the school board!

We played those bitches like a Jew's harp!

Are you clear on what you gotta do tomorrow?

Yeah, I'm clear. Look at that, huh?

Looks like it's been there the whole time.

Yes, it does.

Hey, you've been pretty radio silent about where things left off with Moto Tits.

After she taught you how to ride bikes, did she teach you how to ride her?

I don't want to talk about it.

Oh, you don't want to talk about it?

No, I'm not talking about it. It's not your business.

(sighs)

You struck out, didn't you?

Don't worry about what I did.

She's probably a dyke, Gamby.

She's not a dyke, Lee.

Motorcycles. I wouldn't be too sure.

Well, I'm sure that she's not.

All right? She's not like that.

Move. Oh, oh, oh, oh.

She might be a dyke.

She's not a dyke!

Don't say she's a dyke. Do you hear me?

It's not like that. We like each other, okay?

We're just friends though. It's a work thing.

She might be a dyke.

Good night, Lee.

Good night, Blue Balls.

Don't have blue balls, so stop saying it 'cause I don't have it.

So, that's a dumb thing to say.

I can't believe this bitch has me coming down to the school board.

Oh-ho.

I might have to eat some sh1t on this one.

Okay... if that's how you want to play it.

Well, look, I can't prove the bitch did it.

It's her attitude that make her guilty in my mind.

Well, she is guilty as f*ck.

(sighs) But...

Well, I guess it doesn't really matter.

The only thing that matters is who has the power, and sometimes... the wrong person has the power, like Ms. LeBlanc.

Bullshit.

I am the one who has the power here.

You're goddamn right.

Dr. Brown, your allegations are of great concern to us.

Ms. LeBlanc has cooperated with Dr. Brown's inquiries, even when she threatened her with bodily harm.

Mr. Union Man can kiss my ass.

She's exaggerating.

I asked her some questions. That's all that was.

You were insulting and threatening like an animal.

Like an animal?

Yes.

Huh. What kind of animal?

A pretty vicious one.

Just say what you mean.

No, no.

You come into our school and act like a dictator.

"Our school"?

Well, you don't know anything about us.

Oh, so now we're taking ownership of things?

Yes. Yes, we are.

Let me tell you you took ownership of textbooks that did not belong to you.

I did not. I don't...

I have no idea where...

Where are the textbooks?

Hey!

Did you find those books yet?

No, I still haven't found jack sh1t.

I hate to do this to you, but my boss wants to make sure they're not here.

Would you mind triple-checking for me?

Sure.

...into my school, act like a...

Don't Michelle Obama me!

All... all right.

You walk into my school, All right, that... that's enough.

And you act like a...

What's this "we" we're talking about?

All right! Enough!

Good lord. Let's just take a breath, shall we?

Now, Dr. Brown, Ms. LeBlanc has served our district for 25 years now, and her record has been nothing short of exemplary.

So, I'm finding it a little hard to believe that she'd be stealing books from us.

Well, I haven't been here long, and I'm sure at some point, Ms. LeBlanc was a good teacher.

I'm sorry I never saw that version because the version that I see now thinks that she doesn't have to follow the rules.

Now, did I see her take the textbooks?

No, I did not. But can I see someone with a mindset like that who would?

You bet your ass I can.

Now, you can bring the union in, you can bring whoever you want.

But the fact is, that is still your signature on that slip, and you can't answer where those books went.

Oh. Thank you.

Uh... it seems the textbooks have been found.

They were misplaced in our warehouse.

You heard how she spoke to me.

She is a bully and I will make sure that every teacher in this school knows it.

Oh, my Lord.

(sighs)

Haas: I think we're done here.

We're done.

Swift: Um...

Lee Russell on one.

Gamby speaking.

If you'd like to make a call...

Goddammit. Swift, get in here.

If you're so tech-savvy, how come you can't transfer a simple phone call, huh?

I think it got dropped on the other end.

(prissily) Well, why don't you go and try to bring it back onto this end?

(phone rings)

Gamby for Russell.

Russell on one.

Are you sure?

Yes.

(Russell laughing)

Timing couldn't have been more perfect!

Bitch went straight on a rant out of Stand and Deliver, then bam!

(laughs) That's good to hear.

We definitely needed a win.

Yes, we did.

Haas is practically screaming in her face right now. Oh, my God.

I wish you could see this.

I wish I could see it, but I gotta go beat Ray's ass at motocross.

Yeah, well, you break his neck.

Turn him full-fucking-quad.

Yeah, hopefully I will.

Maybe have to drink through a straw.

Wouldn't that be awesome?

Oh, I know you will!

All right. I'll see you, player.

Haas: I suggest we get started on some kind of a letter-writing campaign.

(knocking)

Hey.

Hey.

I thought you had class this period.

Mm-mm.

I got it switched.

Switched?

Yeah.

How the hell did you manage that?

Well, it wasn't easy, but it's done.

Now I'm free.

Shall we skip?

Um...

I have some work I need to do.

I need to focus.

But you said that the problem was seventh period and now I fixed it, so come on, Bill.

Give me another shot.

(chuckles) So serious.

Um...

I'll tell you what, uh, Carrie wanted to go through some lesson plans with me.

Do you mind if she tags with?

Y... yeah, sure. Okay.

Love it.

Okay.

Give me a second.

See you in a second.

So Snodgrass wants to skip out, um, last period.

Okay.

We all work together, we might as well hang out, right?

Yeah!

All right. Get your stuff.

That sounds fun!

I'll meet you outside.

Okay, yeah!

Oh, have a good night, Mr. Gamby.

I'm sorry you made me yell at you today. Good evening.

♪ ♪

Hey.

Hey.

I just wanted to know if you were still looking for some backup.

Yeah.

♪ ♪

Janelle. Gale. Cuckold.

Hey, Dad.

Who's this?

Hey. I'm Amanda.

Oh.

This the girl we've been hearing so much about?

What?

No, I'm not talking about her.

Shut the f*ck up, Ray.

Neal, what's this all about?

I'm sensing, like, a big presentation coming on.

(snootily) "Presentation"?

You have no f*cking clue, Gale.

Neal, remember everything you learned and just don't overthink it.

You got this.

Quick question.

Any of you guys know what time it is?

'Cause I believe by my watch it's about twelve o'clock.

Braap, braap.

Whoo! Come on, Neal! You've got this!

Come on! Whoo!

Come on, Daddy!

Come on, Neal!

Twelve o'clock, boys!

(people screaming)

Neal! Neal!

It's okay.

Snodgrass: Oh, my God! Neal!

What are you doing, asshole?

Ray, you know this f*cking idiot?

Yeah. I'm sorry, Mike.

He's an inexperienced rider.

I've done it one time before!

Get him the f*ck out of here before he kills somebody!

Oh, my God, are you okay?

Goddammit, I got this, Ray! Reset the bike.

I'm gonna do it again!

Dad you're ruining this for me.

You're not making it fun.

Every time you come, there's all this pressure.

I'm just trying to be a part of your hobbies.

Neal.

I hate to do this, but... track manager says if you don't leave, he's gonna call the cops.

I'm already leaving.

Neal.

Belinda: Those books weren't there.

I must have called 10 times.

Well, you win some, you lose some.

No biggie, B. I got your back on this.

And for this to be an oversight?

I know.

And with this woman in particular, the biggest bitch in the school.

It's almost like I was led to a trap.

Oh, well, you being paranoid now, B.

I'll tell you what.

Let me make your special afternoon coffee.

It always makes you feel better.

♪ ♪

Oh, Mr. Russell...

(coughs) Sorry.

A bug flew in my mouth and I was just trying to, um...

I'm gonna throw this one away and make you a whole brand-new one!

New cup.

(coughs) You want, uh, two... two... two sugars, right?

♪ ♪ ♪ ♪