01x01 - Evil Good and Good Evil

[bunniefuu]

(Music playing)

(sighs)

(knock on door)

Man: We're ready for you, Mr. President.

Oh, f*ck.

Man #2: "One of a kind" doesn't come close.

There's no one like him.

Never has been, and I doubt there ever will be.

So, along with former Governor of New Mexico Bill Richardson and the great Mayor of New York Rudy Giuliani, it is my honor to present to you our two-term former President of the United States, Richard Graves.

(applause)

♪ Please allow me to introduce myself ♪
♪ I'm a man of wealth and taste ♪
♪ I've been around... ♪

Thank you, sir.

This veterans' home is the very least our government can do to provide a home for those who were willing to lose their lives to guarantee our freedoms.

So, God bless you all.

♪ Pleased to meet you ♪
♪ Hope you guessed my name ♪
♪ But what's puzzling you ♪

♪ Is the nature of my game ♪

Three, two, one.

♪ Stuck around St. Petersburg ♪
♪ When I saw it was a time ♪

♪ For a change... ♪

Graves: What do you want, Walsh?

Well, the RPEC conference is meeting in a couple of months and we're gonna honor you, Mr. President... the last great Republican to sit in the Oval Office.

Now, can I convince you to attend?

Honor me when I'm dead.

25 years out of office and still no one packs in the party faithful like you do, sir.

I couldn't care less.

Mr. President, I don't understand why you're so hard on yourself.

Did you read that article in Slate online?

"Richard Graves: Worst President in U.S. History."

Says you b*at James Buchanan, and he dissolved the union.

f*ck you, Richardson.

(All chuckling)

Hey, driver, could you pull it over for a minute?

This'll just take a second.

♪ Let me, please, introduce myself ♪
♪ I'm a man of wealth and taste ♪
♪ I laid traps for troubadours ♪
♪ Who get k*lled before ♪
♪ they reach Bombay... ♪

Worst president.

Huh.

Don't pay attention to Bill.

Graves: That's why I don't go online.

Opinions are like assholes... everybody's got one and they always stink.

All you can do is your best, and you did.

What's done is done... for all of us.

♪ Aw, yeah, get down, baby... ♪

(window whirring)

I'm not dead yet! Go!

Hey, hey!

What a prick.

(Theme music playing)

Hi.

May I help you, sir?

Yes, I'm here to see President Graves.

I'm Isaiah Miller, his new assistant.

(laughs)

Uh, okay, go ahead.

Michael Steele called again.

Oh, good. I'll call him later.

Isaiah Miller.

I hope you're ready for this.

I have never been more ready to do anything in my life, ma'am.

It is so nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

You come highly recommended by my friends at the Cato Institute.

They wouldn't stop singing your praises.

Well, for the record, ma'am, I just want you to know that President Graves has been the single seminal influence on my political and worldview.

I mean, his presidency...

Don't do that.

Don't romanticize. This isn't fun.

Oh.

(door opens)

Graves: Never again, Maggie.

Never.

Maggie.

Hey, darling.

No more appearances with political types.

It is so, so g*dd*mn depressing.

Who's this?

This is your new assistant Isaiah Miller.

It is such an extreme honor to meet you, sir.

Maggie, I do not need any more assistants.

I can wipe my own ass.

Excuse me.

Sure.

Wipe his ass? Does he really need...

Figure of speech.

Right, of course.

Speech, right.

I think.

(Graves urinating, moaning)

That's an intimidating stream.

Like a horse.

Sweetheart, there's no way you can survive your schedule without an assistant.

Your week is packed.

And Isaiah has your itinerary.

Yeah, yeah.

What's next?

You fly to Texas today...

Children's Health Initiative sponsored by the White House.

Just a fun day with some kids.

Mags, that sounds like t*rture.

And don't forget, we have New York in two days... your Cancer Society keynote.

Lawrence is gonna fly out and help you with your speech.

I'm like some old relic in storage that you wheel out once a year, year after year.

Oh, Maggie.

What, angel?

Will it ever end?

Yes, it will, dear.

But for now, I need you to be nice to Isaiah.

Who?

Isaiah.

Hi.

(Woman singing in Spanish)

How are you, President Graves?

Pain, Ramona. Nothing but pain.

That's good.

I'll be gone for one day to a book signing in Denver.

Yes, ma'am.

I want you to...

Mrs. Graves, you need to see this before we go.

As we reported earlier, news of former first daughter Olivia Graves' marriage dissolution has been confirmed by senior GOP leadership staff, where her husband serves as a second-term congressman.

The daughter of transformational former President Richard Graves and iconic First Lady Margaret, Olivia is American political royalty.

Get me Jacob. Then Olivia.

Wolf Blitzer: Little Livy, as she was known... worshipped by a generation of girls... is a long way from the fairy tale White House she grew up in.

I'm fine, Mother.

Really, I'm just ridiculously fantastic.

Margaret: Oh, that tone.

What are you doing right now, right this second?

Right now I just finished blowtorching the hell out of William's Queen Anne table, the one the Smithsonian wanted, among other things.

Do me a favor and leave me the hell alone.

Don't be here for me.

Don't understand.

Livy, this is a trigger. Don't you purge.

I was bulimic for, like, a day when I was 15, Mother.

Literally one f*cking day!

Okay, you do not handle stress well, honey.

You need to come home.

Olivia: Oh, my God.

(sobbing) I loved him so much.

Oh.

Man: Olivia?

(knock on door)

You sent Uncle Jacob?

I don't need your f*cking fixer!

You listen to Uncle Jacob.

Livy, put the blowtorch down, honey.

Sweetheart, give me the blowtorch.

♪ Are you looking for an answer? ♪
♪ Are you looking for an answer? ♪

Shh, shh, shh.

I'm sorry.

Take Richard into town before you fly to Texas.

He needs to see people.

He needs a dose of adoration.

It's the only thing that's gonna shake him out of this pissy mood he's in.

Yes, ma'am. This is so exciting.

You poor thing.

Isaiah: Just to get it out of the way, I have to tell you how exciting this is for me, sir.

Honestly, your presidency serves as the conservative model...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hello, hello. God bless you.

Hello. Hello.

Woman: Hi, Mr. President.

God bless you. God bless you.

Hey, hi. How are you doing?

Bless you. God bless you.

Good to see you. I miss you, too.

I miss you all.

God bless you!

Hello, hello.

Morning, guys.

Where's Sylvia?

She retired last week.

What, already?

She was 87.

Oh. Oh.

Coffee?

Yes, please.

I'm Richard Graves.

Samantha.

Sammy.

Sammy.

This boy is...

Isaiah. Isaiah Miller.

President Graves' assistant.

First time saying that.

President? Oh, sh*t, that's right.

I knew I recognized you from somewhere, man, but, honestly, I kind of thought you were dead.

Is that Latin?

Oh, yeah.

Amor Vincit Omnia?

Love conquers all things.

Right.

Bit simplistic.

Well, I'm a fan of simple.

Oh? All right.

Well, I will be right back to take your order, Mr. President.

Thank you.

What the hell are you staring at?

You got any Latino in you?

Actually, I do, in fact, yes.

Mayan? Where's your family from? Chiapas? Yucatán?

Uh, no, my... well, my dad...

Yucatec Maya's a beautiful language.

Oh.

I've heard it spoken only once.

I was on a diplomatic summit with President Portillo of Mexico, and I was sitting on top of a pyramid in the middle of a jungle.

Actually, I'm half Spanish, half German Jew, sir.

From St. Louis, originally, but then my mom moved us to Phoenix when I was four, a state which you carried two times.

Obviously, you know that, though.

Anyone ever tell you what a g*dd*mn buzzkill you are?

Uh, yeah.

(Bell rings)

Woman: All right, here we go! Looking good!

Don't stop, keep it up. You got this.

Nobody quits today.

Nobody's giving up on me.

Nobody's gonna stop.

She's the devil.

Stick with it.

How does it feel, Mr. President?

Feels good, right?

A life lived healthy is a life worthwhile, kids.

Did you hear that, guys?

That's a former President of the United States, and if he can do it, you can do it.

10 more. That's it.

You're doing great, sir.

Great.

m*therf*cker.

Three, two, one. Awesome job, everybody.

Awesome job.

I'm in hell.

I've d*ed and been sent to hell.

Huh?

(Sighs)

♪ I don't want to work away ♪
♪ Doing just what they all say ♪
♪ Work hard, boy, you'll find ♪
♪ One day you'll have a job like mine ♪
♪ 'Cause I know for sure ♪
♪ Nobody should be that poor ♪
♪ Say yes or sink below ♪
♪ Because you happen to say so, say so ♪
♪ You say so ♪
♪ I don't want to work away ♪
♪ Doing just what they all say ♪
♪ Work hard, boy, you'll find ♪
♪ One day you'll have a job like mine ♪
♪ Job like mine, a job like mine ♪
♪ Be wise, look ahead ♪
♪ "Use your eyes," he said ♪
♪ Be straight, think right ♪
♪ But I might die tonight... ♪

President Graves?

Bring your car around in back.

We're slipping out today.

But, sir, what about your Secret Service detail?

f*ck 'em.

Are you in?

What... what is this?

Hazing the pledge.

Been doing it since my Theta Beta Phi days.

Wear the letters for two days without washing them off.

Show me I can trust you.

Can you do that?

Yeah, yeah, you can trust me, sir.

Oh, good.

Now, don't be an assh*le.

Bring your car around back, okay?

♪ I pulled into Nazareth ♪
♪ Was feelin' about half past dead... ♪

So, where exactly am I going?

Take the 85 to the I-40. I'll tell you from there.

Uh, I wanted to show you this, sir.

♪ Hey, mister, can you tell me... ♪

That's me.

I was one of those babies that you kissed at a campaign stop.

My mom, she always loved you, sir.

She worked the Graves for President office in Phoenix and worked door to door.

See, my dad, he left before I was born, so growing up, when things got tough, I always came back to that picture of you holding me up.

That's the fattest g*dd*mn baby I think I've ever seen.

I had a bit of a thyroid problem, yes.

A bit?

♪ ...it's time ♪
♪ To get back to Miss Fannie ♪
♪ You know she's the only one ♪
♪ Who sent me here ♪
♪ With her regards for everyone ♪
♪ Take a load off, Fannie... ♪

Oh, wow. Your library, sir.

I've never been here before.

Pull the car around back.

♪ Take a load off, Fannie ♪
♪ And, and, and ♪
♪ You put the load right on me ♪
♪ You put the load right on me ♪

President Graves, what a pleasure.

Afternoon, Freddie. I'll just be a few minutes.

Well, the museum is closed on Mondays, so it's all yours.

Good.

Thank you.

Your son Jeremy.

He's in Kabul, isn't he?

Yeah.

You know, when I was a kid, Jeremy's national Scout campaign really inspired me.

I actually joined because of him.

Got over 100 merit badges.

124, to be exact. Sir?

He sh*t me three times.

The b*ll*ts went right on through.

There it is.

There it is.

These were just kids...

...and I sent 'em to be slaughtered.

Just slaughtered.

I don't even remember why.

Permission to speak?

Yeah.

You saved a lot of lives, sir, in Libya.

During my debate class in 10th grade, I argued your preemptive action was the only humane choice.

It was genocide there.

So was this.

So was this.

The guard.

Hmm?

The guard.

Talk to him. Take him outside.

I need to be alone for a while.

Oh, yeah. Okay.

♪ Ooh, ooh, yeah ♪
♪ Lookie here ♪
♪ There's a secret place ♪
♪ that I go in my mind ♪
♪ Where there's no trouble ♪
♪ Where the pain gets left behind ♪
♪ A place that I control ♪
♪ All the thoughts that leave my soul... ♪

Good afternoon, Charles.

Sir.

Ah, that old familiar smell of tumbleweeds and demoralization.

Charles: Yes, sir.

All right, where's the big guy?

Mr. President, it's Lawrence.

Thought we'd kick around the cancer speech for tomorrow.

Sir?

Ramona?

♪ You gotta, you gotta, you gotta... ♪

Ah, carajo.

Get Mrs. Graves on the phone.

Loved it, man.

It was beautiful.

Good to see you, Freddie.

Huh?

Let's go, kid.

What?

♪ Steppa the fire, steppa the b*at... ♪

So, home now, I assume? I pray?

Actually, not yet.

♪ See how far you can see... ♪
♪ Aw, baby ♪
♪ You gotta, you gotta you gotta ♪

♪ Higher and higher ♪

What the hell?

♪ Push it higher and higher ♪
♪ Can you feel it, babe? ♪
♪ Go tell it on the mountain, babe... ♪

Dispatch, I need a supervisor, ASAP.

Dispatch: Copy.

I don't know what that library thing was about, but I am not okay right now.

It is so late, and we have to tell someone where you are.

Hey, guys. You're back.

I remembered something.

May I?

Oh, yeah. Go for it.

Marijuana.

No.

I'm starting to think that too much sanity is a form of insanity.

This is so bad.

What's up with pretty boy?

He's pissed off.

Mm.

Pissed? No, no, no, no.

Freaking out? Well, yeah.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

I'm sitting here at 3:00 AM with a former president, my personal hero, who's smoking marijuana after we've been off the grid for the entire day.

And there is no version of that where I don't lose the job that I've dreamt about since I was 10.

I am really hungry.

I don't think I've ever been this hungry.

Would you get me something to eat?

Yeah... yes, sir, but where?

Oh, there's munchies in my trailer.

Oh, there's munch... there's munchies.

(Playing tune)

What have I been doing with my life for the last 20 or 30 years?

You're way too much in your head.

Where else am I to go?

Anywhere. Just live authentically. You're already doing it.

You're out here getting high with some random waitress you just met.

There's no way that was on the books.

I've done some really... really terrible things.

Okay, so now you can go and you can do some really, really good things.

At my age?

I don't think I have more than five good years left.

Five f*cking awesome years.

Jesus.

Who would live in a place like this?

People live here? All right.

(Dish clatters)

So bad. This is filthy.

All right, I got munchies!

President Graves?

Oh, no.

Oh, Jesus.

(Car approaches)

Oh, hey, excuse me. Hello. Hi, hi.

Uh, sorry to bother you. Funniest thing... actually not funny at all.

Did you see a tall man in a hoodie leave in my Prius?

What the f*ck is on your face?

(laughing)

Look, I need your help.

So, who was this guy with Sammy again?

Literally, the most consequential person I could possibly lose.

Hey, I lost a vintage Fender guitar at this strip club in Reno last summer.

Not the same, Chaco. Trust me.

Thank you.

(men laughing)

Margaret: One day. I was gone for one day.

He ditched me, ma'am, at some Manson Family trailer park.

I don't even know what that means.

He said it was part of the hazing, and then there was this whole thing with the...

Okay, okay. It's okay. What is this?

Uh, oh, my God. I don't know. I don't know!

Mommy.

Angel.

It's okay.

Don't. Don't say anything.

Who the hell is this?

I used to work here.

Stop that. This is Daddy's new assistant, Isaiah.

Poor thing.

Everyone keeps saying that.

The damage?

She blowtorched her way through 9.5 million worth of antique furniture.

And?

It's taken care of.

The Rockefellers...

Can burn in hell.

...are cooperating. They want a clean, quiet divorce.

What they want is for him to be reelected, and we're gonna spin it around on them.

Little Livy, America's princess, will not stand beside the philandering man that shamed her.

She's a strong, empowered young lady, and we're gonna make her the poster girl for the new emancipated woman.

Hmm.

I've always been such a disappointment.

Oh, honey, no. Never say that.

Have to go now, Maggie.

It seems Big Bird found his way to his library and did some redecorating.

Oh, my God.

Richard would never do this, not in a million years.

Ma'am, they've found the president.

(Graves coughing)

That feels so good, right?

Right?

How'd I get this g*dd*mn old and never really felt like this?

It's never too late.

Margaret: Richard!

Richard!

Good morning, sweetheart!

Are you totally insane?

No, no, dear, to the contrary.

What are you doing? Get down here.

Hey, look. Look at me.

I'm free. I'm free from my old skin!

Can you imagine if anyone saw you like this?

Oh, no, Maggie, I'm through with imagining.

I'm living now.

It's never too late.

I just crash-landed in the middle of my life.

Richard, enough.

Stop.

I'm born again, sweetheart, and it's total peace.

Which is the only thing I really ever need anymore, Mags, is just a little m*therf*cking peace!

sh*t.

You're angry.

I'm confused, and not just about last night.

What you did with your library... what were you thinking?

Well, I wasn't thinking, Mags.

For the first time in my life, I was just doing.

Yeah, well, you scared the hell out of me.

You don't get to just disappear like that.

And then to find you...

Oh, I'm sorry, Mags. I'm really, really sorry.

Anyway, the speech that you're giving this morning is very important.

Mmm.

What speech?

Woman: It's an honor to be here today among so many survivors in the fight against cancer.

Now, all through my career, I have devoted myself...

Sorry, sorry.

Mags, it's too tight.

Oh, you big baby.

Even though I didn't always agree with his policies, Richard Graves is the very model of what a former president should be... a statesman.

Oh, Jesus, I need a cigarette.

Right before your kid's cancer speech?

Are you high?

Yes.

(Gasps)

President Richard Graves.

Mr. President.

Thank you for that gracious welcome.

Let me start by saying that when I look into these children's faces, I can feel their hurt and their pain now more than ever.

(Sighs)

Excuse me.

I can only imagine the difficult and brave journey they've endured.

The truth... the truth is that...

Truth... uh...

(no audible dialogue)

I mean...

The truth.

The truth is, until we start forgiving ourselves for every bad decision we've ever made, we will be defined by our past and nothing will ever get done.

What is he doing?

That son of a...

Look, this cancer thing, this disease, it's impossible.

It's a moving target. It evolves. It changes.

But here's what I can tell you.

It's all math, and they're scared of it.

Your government is, your president is, your Congress is.

Hell, I was. Scared shitless.

I mean, let's face it.

It was me who gutted the federal grants for cancer research.

I did this.

This has nothing to do with what I wrote.

I don't know how many people d*ed because my political machine at that time just figured, "Hell, dying people don't vote."

(crowd gasps)

That's the dirty Washington calculus.

Now, you want the truth?

All right, your government spends about 4.5 billion on cancer research.

Ladies and gentlemen, that is bullshit.

That is just walking-around money.

How about they take that $81 billion they plan on spending on new m*llitary aircraft next year and move it down to cancer research?

You do that, and I guarantee you, I promise you, we would have a cure for this disease within a decade.

And I will help you get there, because I'm awake now.

I'm wide awake.

And I promise you, until the day I die, I will be your biggest advocate, your beacon of hope, your g*dd*mn president!

(No audible dialogue)

You are such a brave little girl.

"Black men enter here."

Oh, my God.

He's a monster.

God bless you.