01x01 - Gay Discount

[bunniefuu]

(DOOR BELL DINGS)

Kevin: Hello, Mr. Kim.

Kevin, how I can help you?

This is my friend, Roger.

Hello, Roger.

Nice to meet you.

Mmm.

We're performing for Pride Week, and we would love to put our poster up in your window.

You group is call, "Gay Town Boys?"

Yes, it is, and, yes, we are.

It's, uh, messy poster. Who make?

Get refund.

Or is it because we're gay?

No, of course, it isn't.

It's okay. Don't mind him.

No. I have no problem with the gay, but I have problem with parade.

Traffic, garbage, noise.

If you is the gay, why can't you be quiet, respectful gay, huh?

Like Anderson Cooper, you know?

Neil Patrick Harris, you know?

They is all the gay, but they don't yelling to me they is the gay.

It's not about being loud, Mr. Kim...

Kevin, some people don't like Korean, but we don't make big parade yelling at people, "We is Korean, we is Korean!" (CHUCKLES)

Mr. Kim, are you h*m*?

Roger.

What word you using?

h*m*, Mr. Kim.

This is discrimination against "the h*m*."

And it's a hate crime, and I'm gonna report it.

What?

Roger...

What you report?

Hey! Look, look, look.

I'm not h*m*...

h*m*.

Uh-huh.

If I am h*m*...

h*m*, then why I...

Why do I give a gay discount, hmm?

Sorry?

Yeah.

If I am h*m*, h*m*, then why I having the gay discount?

Fifteen percent gay discount only for the Gay Pride Week.

So, how much would this be?

Regular, $2, but for you, with gay discount, $1.70.

And how do you know if someone is gay?

I can tell.

You have gaydar, Mr. Kim?

Yeah.

I have gaydar, 100% guarantee.

Ah. Well, we'll be sure to spread the word.

And the poster?

You can do better.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

Appa, I have a sh**t for school this weekend.

I was wondering if I can borrow the van.

What happened to, "Good morning, Appa,"

"Umma, you look pretty today."

Thank you, Appa.

That's from Janet.

Oh. Thank you, Janet.

But I say.

You do look pretty Umma, and can I have the van?

No.

No, but Appa, I only need it for one...

Stop.

One second.

(DOOR CLOSING)

And he's not coming back. (SIGHS)

Janet.

What?

You coming church Sunday?

You know, church is not only for worship the Jesus.

Lots of side benefit too.

You can make a lot of friends at church.

Friend who is girl. Friend who is not girl.

Umma, I'm not going to church to hook up with guys.

Not hook up, hook around.

Look, new church directory.

So many boys to choose from.

Oh.

Mr. Soon's nephew, Georgie.

He is captain of church Frisbee team.

Umma, I don't need your help finding a boyfriend.

Yeah. Then where is you cool Christian Korean boyfriend?

Okay, first of all, there's no such thing as a "Cool Christian Korean Boy."

They don't exist.

(SCOFFS) What you talking?

If they're cool and Christian, they're not Korean.

And if they're cool and Korean, they're not Christian. And if they're cool, Christian and Korean, they're girls.

Jung is cool, Christian, and Korean. Is he girl?

So, you're suggesting I date my brother?

No.

Look, Janet, when I was your age, I go to church, find the Jesus, find cool, Christian Korean boy and we hook around.

Umma, can you please don't say "hook around."

It doesn't sound so good.

If I is not hook around with you Appa, you is not be born.

Bye, Umma.

(SCOFFS)

(CROWD CHEERING)

(LATIN MUSIC PLAYING)

(WHISTLING)

I was told you were supporting gay pride and you had a 50% discount or something like that?

Is that true or not?

What?

You have a 50% discount or something like that?

Is that true?

Fifteen percent.

And keep talking to end of sentence.

My bad. Sorry. (LAUGHS)

Fifteen percent discount, true?

Yeah, only for the gay.

$26.50. You want bag?

Is that with the discount?

No, you want bag?

Uh, yes, I want the bag but why not I get the gay discount?

It's only for the gay.

You is not the gay.

Hello.

I am not the gay? I am so the gay.

People tell me I am too gay sometimes.

You is only pretend.

Are you for real?

One hundred percent guarantee not gay.

No discount.

This is not over.

This is not even the start of it being not over.

Okay. See you.

Hi.

Kimchee: Pick it up.

You pick it up.

How do you know it's dead?

Buddy.

Janet: Hey.

Hey.

What are you guys doing?

Your brother's about to clean a car.

You guys gettin' lunch or something?

I don't know, are we?

Mmm.

My treat as long as you use your employee family discount thingy to get me a car.

What's wrong with Appa's van?

More like, "What's wrong with Appa?"

I'm 20 and he still won't let me drive the van.

I drove the van when I was 13.

You stole the van when you were 13.

No, we stole the van when he was 13.

Technically, if your family owns it, it's not stealing.

So, can you get me a rental?

Depends. Where you gonna wine and dine me?

Come on, you owe me.

For what?

I'm seriously over-parented because you're not around.

Hey, I still get more than my fair share from Umma.

Yeah, but when's the last time you talked to Appa?

When's the last time he talked to me?

So you're never going to talk to him again?

It's workin' so far.

Hey, I just got a strange call...

Hi.

Who's this?

This is my sister Janet.

She's taking me to lunch.

Sister. Hi, Janet. I'm Shannon, Jung's manager.

And, I like to think, friend.

And as a friend, I should tell you the manager, would say it's employees only back here.

I get it. Sorry.

I know it must be hard for two people who grew up in the inner city and are rebellious by nature, but rules are rules. Understood?

Understood.

Good.

Understood.

"Understood in the hood."

Okay, really nice to meet you.

Oh, and the strange call.

A woman asked, if we've seen her pet ferret.

Yeah, I'm gonna say no.

Okay.

And look what the cat drag in.

Oh, Mr. Chin.

How's it going?

Uh, can't complain.

How's your business?

Which one?

(BOTH LAUGHING)

Kidding aside, Mr. Kim, business has never been better.

Gay Pride week, very busy.

Yeah, me too.

Gays are good for business. Hmm.

Ah. Remember when we start?

No gay in sight.

Where they all come from?

Immigration? Refugee?

It's more popular now.

Everybody switch side.

Man becoming woman, woman dressing like man who like woman.

So confusing.

For example, if a gay man discover he is transsexual...

Yeah.

...then if he has sex change and becomes a woman...

Okay.

...then discover she is actually transgender...

Wait.

What's difference between transgender and transsexual?

Hmm. I don't know, Mr. Kim.

What is the difference between a transgender and a transsexual?

No, is not a joke, Mr. Chin.

I ask you real question. I don't know.

Excuse me.

The word up on the street is you having 15% discount, for true?

What?

What what?

No. Sorry, I don't...

I can't catch hear what you talking.

What I talkin'?

No one can understand what you both talking about it!

Lord have mercy!

Me just want to know if the 15% discount be true?

Yeah, it's true but only for the gay.

What? That's illegal. Anti-straight.

Well, when's me get me discount then?

Uh, February.

Black History Discount Month.

That's the shortest month of the year.

But it's longer during leap year.

So, take full advantage.

Oh, I'm sorry. I didn't see you come in.

It's okay. Just wanted to drop off my resume.

(DOOR OPENS)

Hi, I'm here about the job.

Oh. Um...

Here we go.

Sorry, I think there's a misunderstanding.

We're not looking for any help.

Umma: Yes, we is.

Hi, hi, good to see you both. Hmm?

Hmm. Okay.

First question, very important for job.

Do you go to church?

Umma, you can't ask that.

No, that's okay. I don't mind.

Yes, I do go to church.

That's where I saw your ad.

Me too.

What ad?

Good.

Cool, Christian, Korean...

Oh, my God!

I'm so sorry about this.

Just wait. Janet. Janet!

Janet!

What?

You don't even trying.

If you don't mingle, you stay single.

Do these guys know that I'm the job?

You should say thank you.

You don't know yet, but Umma doing you big favor.

Oh!

Hey! What's happen?

Oh, the usual. Umma's ruining my life.

Aye! What you doing?

Helping find boyfriend.

Aeeshcham!

Janet is not a baby anymore.

She is now full balloon, grown woman.

She don't need you help finding boyfriend.

Yeah. Thank you.

How can she have a boyfriend when she take over store?

I'm not taking over the store.

What's wrong with the store?

Nothing's wrong with the store but...

Then take over.

How she can take over store when she have a baby?

You have a baby?

What? No!

After she marry, she have many babies.

Maybe we'll come back another time...

Let's be clear, I'm not taking over the store and I'm not having many babies. Okay?

The opening is now closed.

(GREETING IN KOREAN)

We have 15% gay discount only for this week.

It's lucky day for you.

Oh, no, no, I'm not gay.

It's okay.

Sometimes, gay take time, hmm?

(SLURPING)

- (SIGHS)

(DOOR BELL DINGS)

Appa: Hi.

Remember me?

I came for my discount. And here is my proof.

Hi.

What's you favorite movie?

Um... Caddyshack.

With Bill Murray? See? Not gay.

He just doesn't wanna give me the discount.

Not gay.

Young Bill Murray was very sexy.

You're the only one who thinks that.

Hmm.

What are you saying?

I know you said it was college and you and Raquel were nothing special, but you talk about her all the time.

She's a lesbian! She's a lesbian!

Well, maybe you're both on that "almost-gay, almost-lesbian" part of the spectrum.

Yeah, spectrum.

Oh, my God, how did this turn into a thing?

It was nothing!

Sound like a something to me.

Hey, man, can you pull up that Toyota Corolla one more time? I just wanted to...

Umma?

Jung, we have to talk.

Umma, where are you... Umma, you can't go in there.

Umma: Close door.

Umma, I'm not closing the door.

This is my manager's office.

It's a family emergency.

Is everyone okay?

No, it's Janet.

What happened?

She is going to die...

...alone.

(SIGHS)

Umma, Janet being single is not a crisis.

No, she stop listen to me.

You have to talk to her.

No, I don't.

And you need to back off.

But Janet...

Janet is 20 years old.

She can figure this out on her own.

All you're doing is pushing her away.

Is that what you want?

Then what? Not do anything...

Hello, excuse me...

Umma: We is here first.

Sorry.

Umma, no. That's my boss.

I am his mommy. Please excuse, thank you.

Okay, I just need my insulin.

Five more minute, please.

Okay, I'll just have an orange.

Therese: Hi.

Hi.

I can't find the price on this.

How much is it?

Appa: Uh, regular $4.99, but this week, we have a discount only for the uh...

What you is?

(DEEP VOICE) Come again?

You is what kind, transgender?

I'm a drag queen.

Oh, you is man who dress like girl?

A woman. Yeah. Why?

Why you do like this?

Oh, um, I don't know.

It feels like me. Feels like home. Always has.

I'm Therese.

I am Mr. Kim.

I think I'll just pick up a few more things.

Okay.

Mmm.

Where you coming from?

Church.

Oh, I think there is a steal.

Steal?

Yeah.

Money is missing. Check.

Oh.

(CAR LOCKS)

Hi, Janet, are you hungry?

Do you want galbijim, I can make your favorite...

Stop.

When you get car?

When you didn't let me take the van. It's a rental.

Where you get money for rental?

I got a discount from a friend.

Appa: What friend?

Um... It's...

Money is missing from store. You know what happen?

Are you serious, Appa?

Are you seriously accusing me of stealing money from you?

No. No one is accuse, just...

Janet: I can't even...

Forget it.

Sorry.

Oh, don't worry about me.

Family's family.

$22.95...

Minus 15%, gay discount.

(SCOFFS) A gay discount?

Well, thank you very much.

Very nice meeting you, Mr. Kim.

Okay, see you.

Ow! What, he is not woman.

Gay discount is missing money.

Aeeshcham.

You have to tell Janet sorry. For saying she is steal.

I never say she is steal.

You make her think you think she is steal.

No, I make her think I think money missing.

I never think she is steal.

I wonder but never think.

Big difference.

No difference.

I wonder if you is crazy, doesn't mean I think you is crazy.

Appa, we is pushing her away like Jung!

We not wonder if he is steal, we know he is steal!

(UMMA SHRIEKS)

(DOOR BELL DINGS)

Hi.

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Janet, Janet.

Now she is runaway.

Janet: I didn't run away. Leave me alone.

Okay.

Appa.

Appa have something to say.

Say you is sorry.

Appa: I don't need to say sorry.

Nobody steal nothing.

But you thought I did.

No, I wonder if you do.

Janet: I'm not Jung.

Appa: Why we talking about him?

This is not about Jung.

I didn't steal anything, but I'm the one being punished.

Appa: I not punish. I just talking.

You're talking to the wrong person.

Appa: I talking to you, I talking to Umma, I talking to door.

Umma: Janet, we is sorry.

And who you hook around with is up to you.

Thank you, Umma. I appreciate it.

Appa, I know it'll k*ll you to apologize, so return the rental car, and we'll call it even.

Return rental car?

The address is on the keys, and the car's out front. Deal?

You fill up gas?

Yup.

No scratch? Okay.

Nope.

Watch store.

You do know why I told Appa to return the car, right?

Yeah, so he doesn't have to say sorry.

No, so he has to talk to Jung.

Oh. (GASPS)

Oh!

Shannon: Finally, Peggy, yes. I want the unlimited texting.

But I don't need the unlimited calling in the Americas.

Just North America.

No, North America.

(SIGHS)

I'm pretty sure that's still in Central America.

No, please don't put me on hold!

Hey.

What's up?

Uh, here's the thing, when I was 16, my dad kicked me out, or I might've run away, it's all kinda blurry.

Okay, we're sharing. When I was 15, I got a perm.

Really didn't suit me.

No, uh... That's my dad.

Okay...

I don't know how he knew that I worked here.

I can't talk to him.

Can you handle this?

I've been trying to get my cell phone plan upgraded for the last 40 minutes.

Please? I will owe you big time.

(SIGHS) Okay, fine, but I'm talking to Peggy, and I want unlimited texting in Canada and the U.S.

Not Brazil, not Costa Rica, not Paraguay.

Got it.

How big is your family?

He's the last one. Thanks.

Mr. Kim.

So nice to meet you.

Nice to meet you.

How you know...

Before you say anything, family is tricky.

I have an uncle, a fisherman, always reeked of fish so I never wanted to hug him.

And then one day, he went out on his boat, and we never saw him again.

The occasional postcard from Mexico.

But the point is, sometimes I yearn for a fishy hug.

Do you understand?

No. I'm here to return car rental.

Of course you are.

Let me take care of that for you.

Is free?

Yeah, help yourself.

Do you need a ride?

Yeah. I make coffee first.

- So?

What?

Janet: How did the drop off go?

You see anybody there?

Appa: Yeah.

Umma: Who?

Shannon, store manager, she drive me home.

She talk about Cape Breton, fishy uncle, but coffee is good.

Did you see anyone else?

It's a car rental, not international airport.

(DOOR BELL DINGS)

Hi.

Oh, sorry, no, interview is over.

No, um...

I get this.

Look, you is cool, Christian, Korean boy, but even if Mrs. Kim like you, even if I like you, doesn't matter.

Janet has to like you. You understand?

Uh...

Did you pick a restaurant?

You okay with the Duke?

Love it.

Stop.

What is Korea day of Independence?

Uh, August 15th, 1945.

Gwangbokjeol.

Okay. Have good time.

I told you he'd ask.