01x07 - Hapkido

Episode transcripts for the 2016 TV show "Kim's Convenience". Aired October 2016 - current.*
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"Kim's Convenience" is the funny, heartfelt story of The Kims, a Korean-Canadian family, running a convenience store in Toronto's Regent Park.
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01x07 - Hapkido

Post by bunniefuu »

Hmm. You see?

See what?

The guy.

Who?

Guy in back.

The black guy?

Janet, don't be r*cist.

What?

You see guy in back?

Yeah.

What you think? Steal or no steal?

You saw him take something?

No.

Because, he does no steal.

He does no steal because he's a black guy, brown shoes.

He's not gonna steal 'cause he's a black guy with brown shoes on?

Black guy, brown shoes, that's a no steal.

That's a cancel out combo.

Cancel out combo. Got it.

One day you take over store, you have to know, steal or no steal.

I'm not taking over the store. Ever.

White guy, white shoes, that's a steal.

Brown woman, blue jacket, that's a no steal.

But lesbian, that's girl who is the gay, if she whistling... (WHISTLES) She's a steal.

But two lesbian, surprise, no steal.

Even if whistling. Cancel out combo.

What about a fat Asian gay man with long straight hair, and a black lesbian with a ponytail and cowboy boots.

Together. Steal or no steal?

That's impossible.

What's impossible?

The fat, Asian, gay?

Appa, there are Asians who're gay, you know.

I know. But Asian gay is never fat.

Only skinny Asian is the gay. That's rule.

That's how they doing like that. Yeah.

(THEME MUSIC PLAYING)

For how long? Okay. Yeah. I find out if he's there.

Uh-huh, uh-huh. Perfect.

No, no, tell her nothing.

It'll be surprise.

Okay, I will. You too. Bye-bye.

(SIGHS)

Who it?

Oh, Mrs. Lee.

Her daughter Grace is in town.

I'm helping planning visit.

Hmm.

So why you look like a cat with mouse in you mouth?

Mouth in my mouse?

You know what I'm talking.

Who you surprise?

Who say anything about surprise?

"It'll be surprise. Okay, I will. Bye-bye."

You shouldn't listen to private conversation.

You shouldn't have a private conversation in front of people who with good hearing.

He's in mood.

I not in mood.

Janet. Gerald.

Hi Appa. Bye Appa.

Stop!

Where you go?

Oh, our school's having this...

We're going nowhere. Let's go.

You in big hurry to go nowhere.

Gerald, you say to me.

Don't.

Gerald.

Uh...

If it were up to just me, I would tell you, but for Janet...

Tell.

Don't tell.

Talk.

Don't talk.

Gerald.

Uh, can we... Can we just go?

Don't go.

You don't go.

Thanks.

Hey, Jung.

When you have a chance can you please pull these contracts for me?

Yeah, sure.

So, how's it going? Anything new with you?

No, not really.

Did you get a haircut?

Nope.

Same old me.

Same old me too.

I mean, not really. But kind of.

Oh, and I just forwarded you a request from Ted about the SureTech account.

Grace?

Jung?

Jung: Hey.

Hi.

How'd you know I work here?

You work here?

Isn't that why you're here?

In Toronto?

No, I mean why are you here, here, at the car rental?

To rent a car.

Right, yeah, sorry. I'm just surprised to see you.

I thought you lived in Vancouver.

I do.

That's why I need to rent a car here.

And my Umma told me that...

That my Umma told her that this was the place to come.

Yeah.

Yep.

Terence. This is Terence.

I feel like maybe he should help you out.

Probably for the best.

Terence, this is Grace Lee. She'd like to rent a car.

Great. You've come to the right place.

Hey, everything okay?

All right, be honest with me.

Did I look like a complete idiot out there?

No. You couldn't look like an idiot if you tried.

Seems like I was trying pretty hard.

What'd I miss?

Grace Lee.

No.

Yeah.

She's here in the office?

An ex-girlfriend?

Jung's high school number one hunny bun-bun.

So you dated. (CHUCKLES) Who didn't?

I wouldn't say as much dating as...

Kimch!

I was just gonna say it was mostly sex.

Okay.

Okay.

Let's keep things professional here.

I know how hard it can be to run into someone at the workplace that you have feelings for...

Well...

Or did. Or still do?

Hey, why's she here? I thought she hated you.

I think my umma's still trying to get us back together.

That explains why your Umma called asking what time you were working today.

Why didn't you tell me?

Dude, I'm not your secretary.

I should talk to her.

Well, there are other options, but who am I to stand in the way of love? (CHUCKLES)

Excuse me.

Yeah, of course.

(SIGHS)

Enter the Dragon.

Once Upon a Time in China: Part Two.

Kung Fu Hustle.

Dragon Lord.

Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon.

IP Man.


Five Deadly Venom!

Five Deadly what?

You don't know Five Deadly Venom? - I know it.

Best kung fu movie ever.

See, I told you.

Mr. Chin, this is Gerald.

Gerald, you have great taste.

Thank you.

(LAUGHS)

So, what is Hapkido Toronto?

Gerald and I thought it'd be fun to take a Hapkido class.

We got a discount through school. It's pretty cool.

Fun?

Yeah.

Discount?

Mmm-hmm.

Cool? Aeeshcham.

Hapkido is a serious, Janet.

Seriously?

Yeah, seriously.

No, Appa, are you being serious?

Yeah, this is my serious face.

It's pretty serious.

That's your serious face?

Yah, what you talking?

I'm talking about serious things, Appa.

Yeah, me too!

All right then! I'm glad we got that sorted out.

Stop! (SIGHS)

Okay, okay, you don't have to beg to me.

I will teach to you Hapkido.

I've asked you, like, 100 times about Hapkido and you always said no because I was a girl.

And now that another man is teaching me, you're jealous?

So jealous.

I'm not jealous.

When you is girl, you is too fat, can't even bend arm, but now you is ready to learn.

Whatever. We're fine.

We like our Hapkido teacher.

Who is you Hapkido teacher?

His name is...

I think he's like an art teacher.

You art teacher pimping Korea?

Uh...

No, no, no, can't having like that.

Only Korean can teach a Korean Hapkido.

Show us what you learn.

Okay.

Uh, so, this is a wrist lock.

Grab me here and then I just do...

Ow!

(LAUGHING) Girl, that is so painful!

I'm so sorry, I didn't mean to hurt you.

You have to be careful, Janet.

I'm getting older and weaker just like your father here.

What you talking?

Uh, Gerald, try something on me.

Oh, no, it's okay, Mr. Kim, I think I'm might purchase one of these freezers...

Okay.

I'm going to att*ck you slowly.

You better doing some Hapkido or you gonna get hurt.

Please.

I att*ck with my left hand. Huh?

Here I come Gerald. Oh, so slow.

What I do, Hapkido save me please.

Okay, Mr. Kim!

(YELLS)

(GROANING)

Are you okay?

I just got the wind knocked out of me through this new hole in my back.

Hey.

Hey.

So that was weird. Back there.

Yeah, it was. But whatever.

Listen, I just wanted to say sorry.

About what happened in high school.

What happened in high school?

The thing I did to make you hate me.

You're gonna have to be a bit more specific than that.

I remember, uh, going to your house for a family dinner.

I think I had a little vodka before I showed up.

More than a little.

I remember punching a tree...

That was my uncle.

I also remember throwing up on a tree.

Also my uncle.

You really don't remember that?

I know I was a bit of an idiot.

Yeah, you were.

So, you pretty busy while you're here?

Lots of meetings.

So you're all booked up?

You know, if you're gonna ask me out, you better hurry up, 'cause I charge by the hour.

(LAUGHS)

That didn't sound good. I meant charge you, 'cause I'm a lawyer and not a sex stripper...

Will you go to dinner with me tonight?

Yes.

Why don't you give me a call when your finished all your meetings.

I'll have one of my many assistants call you.

(CHUCKLES SOFTLY)

(CAR ENGINE STARTS)

Wait, I didn't check the car for dents!

Don't worry, Terence. I won't tell Shannon.

I better tell Shannon.
Appa, what's your problem?

Mr. Chin: Holy sh*t, Mr. Kim!

You is Bruce Lee and Jet Li all rolled up into one plump Korean.

Gerald, you okay?

Yeah, I'm all right.

You centre of gravity is too high.

Have to bend knee.

Feet is where power come from. Like a tree.

Deep root. Big fruit. You understand?

Not really.

Why you doing like this?

That's how I was taught.

No, you have to do like this way.

(GROANS)

Yeah, it's better techniques.

You feel that?

Yeah. Yeah.

Argh!

That's how you supposed to be feeling.

Appa, stop. You're showing off.

I'm not showing off...

It does work better.

That's the way our teacher teaches it so that's how we're gonna learn it.

I am like a TTC, the better way.

You should challenge their teacher to a Hapkido duel to prove whose fighting technique is superior.

He's too busy b*ating up Gerald.

Just a friendly contest.

You teacher could learn lots from me.

He teach you all wrong.

Don't tell me, tell him.

Maybe I will.

Maybe you should.

Come on, Gerald.

I miss it, 'cause there's no real Koreatown in Vancouver.

I mean, there's a splash of it in the West End but we're all up in Coquitlam, Burnaby...

The 'burbs.

Yeah.

Here seems like the same old.

Yeah, Koreatown is still Koreatown.

But North York is coming on strong.

Ah. North Koreatown.

Yeah.

Though Persians are definitely moving in.

Hey, is that crappy little strip mall still up there by Sheppard?

You mean the one where you almost got a tattoo?

What do you mean almost?

You're joking.

Am I?

Good evening.

A table for Lee, Grace.

Yes, your other guests have arrived.

What are you doing here, Mom?

She always call me Mom when she is mad.

How did you know we were gonna eat here, Umma?

He always calls me Umma when he is...

Umma, please.

Pastor Choi tell us.

How did Pastor Choi know?

He say he hear from Eddie Chan.

Who's Eddie Chan?

You know, Eddie Chan. He cleans up at the church.

Eddie Chan.

Eddie Chan also clean up at Number 1 Top Class Hair Salon.

Ah.

What?

Kimchee's mom, Mrs. Han, owns Number 1 Top Class Hair Salon.

Look guys, no offence, but this is a private dinner.

Please. Listen for two second and then we go.

Long distance relationship is very hard for young people.

But we is here to help in early time until you move to same city.

Grace is a lawyer, make more money.

But she is not virgin anymore.

Umma!

And Jung is cool, fun guy.

But he is working at car rental.

So, it is good match we think.

Every city have car rental so you can work.

Every city have crime, so you can work.

This is what we is thinking.

This is way over the line, Umma.

This is why I moved to Vancouver. Because of this.

Sorry, Jung.

Happy?

No.

Don't worry, I talk to Eddie Chan...

Don't talk to anybody, okay? We're done here.

Jung.

Lift arm higher. No, bend knee.

Yeah. Good...

Mr. Kim, I'm not sure this is a good idea.

No, no, Gerald.

I think we all want to hear what we're doing wrong.

Yeah.

That's Master Yang.

Go on, Appa. Why don't you teach him a lesson in Hapkido?

Why you tell to me your Hapkido teacher is art teacher?

Technically he's a martial art teacher.

Why you not tell to me it's Master Yang?

You never asked 'cause you never ask.

Your plan is going to backfire.

How?

When he k*ll me, you have to take over store.

Jung: Grace.

I knew this was a bad idea.

Yeah.

They're never gonna change.

No, but we still gotta eat. Don't we?

How 'bout some Jajangmyun. I know a place.

No.

I want the greasiest cheeseburger we can find, and this much poutine.

Wow, you really do want to make me throw up.

That's just for me. Get your own.

You know who I am?

Yes, Master Yang.

We have a very important visitor today.

Master Kim is going to demonstrate his Hapkido technique.

Oh, no, no, no.

Master Yang, I can't.

Please, I have too much respect for you.

Troy.

Assist Master Kim.

Okay, so, uh, I learn Hapkido when I was a little boy.

I am rusty.

You, come att*ck me.

How do you want me to att*ck you?

I don't know. Any kind you like.

Stop.

Good luck, Appa.

Goodbye, Janet.

Are you ready?

I ready.

You don't look ready. You don't look ready!

(BOTH YELLING)

Sorry. Sorry. You okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. (GROANS)

(ALL CLAPPING)

Very good. Everyone, stand up!

(SPEAKING IN KOREAN)

(SPEAKING ENGLISH) Troy, warm up.

That was impressive.

Are you okay Appa?

Yeah, I'm okay.

I really didn't think he'd call you up there.

(SPEAKING IN KOREAN)

(SPEAKING ENGLISH) Do you know what that means?

The gist of it is, respect your dad.

Understand?

Thank you for your demonstration, Mr. Kim.

Thank you for your kindness, Master Yang.

(GROANS)

Don't mess with my student or I mess with you.

Okay.

Thank you for coming, Mr. Kim.

Thank you.

(SPEAKING IN KOREAN)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Jung? Hello?

Jung?

Umma.

What are you doing here?

I feel terrible.

Forget it. Hey, Kimchee! In the shower!

My Umma's here!

Jung.

Am I good Umma?

(SIGHS)

I understand. I gotta go now.

No, no. Umma...

Hey, Ajuma.

You say he in shower.

I did.

I'm not.

Who in shower?

I don't know.

(DOOR OPENING)

Oh.

Oh.

You already know Umma.

You remember Kimchee?

Sure.

Kimchee: Hey.

Hey. I'm just gonna go in here.

Good idea.

I hope she didn't use my loofah.

I shed like a snake.

So what's happening, huh? You moving to Vancouver?

No.

You moving back?

Grace: No.

(PHONE RINGING)

Oh. It's Mrs. Lee.

Go ahead. Take it. Tell her.

You know you want to.

(SPEAKING IN FOREIGN LANGUAGE)

(SPEAKING ENGLISH) I'm fine. How are you?

No. Why would I know where Grace is?

No, you sound weird.

Okay, bye-bye.

Wow, Umma. I've never really seen you hold back before.

Yes, thank you.

You're welcome.

But doesn't matter. She know.

Ha. Very good.

You getting faster, Vijay.

Thank you, Mr. Kim.

They look so cute.

Yeah.

Don't let fool you.

Soon they all be black belt Taekwondo champion. Huh?

They do like this.

Whoa. You know Taekwondo?

Not really but I'm a big fan.

(LAUGHING)

They have Taekwondo in Africa?

Oh, yeah.

Somalia won silver at the 2013 International open.

Wow. Impressive.

You don't look Somalian.

No, I'm not.

Just a Taekwondo fact, man.

Taekwondo is Korean.

I know.

I am Korean.

I know.

Hapkido is Korean too.

Hapkido?

Yeah. But much better fighting style. Huh?

Choi Yong Sul, he invent Hapkido while a servant living in Japan.

So, in a way, it could also be considered a Japanese martial art.

No! You joking me?

No. I don't... I just meant...

Taekwondo. It was invented by a Korean too?

Of course Korean.

I didn't realize Korea was that strong.

Yeah, very strong.

Taekwondo is very ancient.

Invented by Korean soldier who long time ago is living in...

Japan.

Sure is hot, huh.

Global warming.

Yeah, maybe Japanese invent that too.

I'm Chan Ling. I'm good at kung fu.

I'm sorry, but we are full now.


Where did you get this?

Mr. Chin give to me.

It's a little confuse but kung fu is very good.

Very authentic.

Huh, see?

They're fighting upside down on the ceiling.

Yeah, it is very authentic for fighting lizard-style.

Hmm. Maybe we should call Lionel Richie style.

(LAUGHING) - What?

Because he's a dance on the ceiling.

Is good joke if you is old.

Yeah, maybe.

You know you should have close up 45 minute ago.

Shh.

You ruin movie.

Don't forget to lock door.

How does the fire not burn their feet?

I can teach to you.

It's okay. I'm good.

(LAUGHING)

He's on fire now.

Yeah, he's not careful.
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