04x01 - The Trollop

Hello, miss.

You want a bag for all your pop?

Sure, thanks.

Appa What?

She want the bag.

One bag not going to kill planet, Janet.

It's not that.

Oh, you is guy.

No, I just don't identify as male or female.

- Oh.

- Um.

Just personally I always felt like I lived somewhere in between so I go by "they" or "them".

They're gender neutral.

Who?

I only see one person.

I know "they" is a little confusing.

Some people use Ze or Zir.

Pronouns for non cis-gendered people.

- I'm so sorry.

- It's okay.

Trans people get it a lot.

Oh, you is a trans!

You don't look trans.

You can't say that either.

What?

I say she look good.

It's they.

They look good.

Not all trans look good.

Not all Korean look good.

[SIGHS]

It's fine.

I'm Evah.

Hello, Evah.

I am Mr.

Kim.

And this is Censorship Janet.

It's nice to meet you both.

Nice meeting all of you too.

Bye.

Okay, Zee you.

That's not how it works.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[POP MUSIC PLAYING]

- Don't turn around.

- I won't.

Okay, fine, it's Raj.

Whatever.

That's cold.

He broke off his engagement for you.

That's not my problem.

I thought it was romantic.

I mean, he's my doctor, but I mean, you're my friend.

And he broke your heart.

But he fixed my appendix.

Such mixed feelings.

Great, now he's seen us.

I'll catch you later.

Hey So did you take the last croissant?

I'd give it to you, but you'll just take off all the almonds.

They're the worst part.

- Of an almond croissant?

- Mmm-hmm.

Here.

Destroy it.

Sit.

Now no one will steal the chair.

I have my talents.

[SIGHS]

So, you're good?

Sure I mean, my dad hasn't stopped yelling, my mom won't stop crying and I can't get a refund on the wedding venue.

But I don't regret it.

Don't want regrets Hey, I got a ton of these.

It was supposed to be part of my stag.

A whisky tasting on Friday.

Oh, Friday.

I mean, it sounds fun, it's just, I have something.

With Nathan.

Cool.

You gonna read each other's palms and talk about moon cycles?

No Just an afternoon beach thing.

Sort of an outdoor concert.

- Okay, it's a drum circle.

- [LAUGHS]

Well, you can give these to Gerald or whoever.

It's - YIP.

- Yup.

No, it's a YIP event.

Young Indian Professionals, as a networking group.

Cool.

I made a mistake.

I got caught up on what my parents wanted.

You know instead of the person I'm in love with [STEVE]

Client's losing their mind over a Sorry, am I interrupting?

Well, I should get going.

Thanks for the almonds.

[CLAIRE]

Wow!

It's beautiful!

I love it.

It's my dream dress.

Like dressmaker take my dream and turn into dress.

Next time you have dream like that, tell it to me, so I can start saving.

Don't spoil runway show.

Where is it from?

Fancy shop in west end, Galette's.

I heard it's amazing.

But kind of intimidating.

Hi, Claire, Mrs.

Lee.

Oh, hi, Janet.

We just admiring your Umma's beautiful dress.

Wow, what's the occasion?

It's for Raj Mehta wedding.

If you lucky, you can borrow sometime.

Maybe I can borrow and sell on eBay.

Janet, there is still eBay?

What you think?

I should get to work.

Well, I think it looks very nice.

Even if you paid too much.

I never said too much.

[APPA]

I did.

So many times.

Hey, Jungry Jungry Hippo.

Opinions on this?

Not a big Katy Perry fan.

Oh, sorry.

Um, this.

Top five burger joints in TO.

A chance for you to redeem your swamp burger wrap.

Sure, but you're not gonna find the best burger at any of these places.

Oh, you think you know better than BurgerBud92?

Definitely.

Place on Queen, great old-school burgers.

You should try it sometime.

Well, I'm free all week.

Alejandro not into burgers?

I'm not asking Alejandro.

I'm asking you.

So what do you say?

Manana?

Okay - that's tomorrow, right?

- Yeah.

That because of me or you?

Umma, everything okay?

You think I like your clothes?

[SIGHS]

It's you.

But I still say compliment.

- When?

- Other day.

I say, "Oh, your pants fit.

" Yeah, such a nice compliment, Janet.

But you just walk past because nothing good enough for Janet.

Umma, I love the dress.

It's just I think Raj may have called off the wedding.

What?

I don't think it's happening.

Hallelujah.

Never want to go.

No, no, have to confirm first.

Why?

Janet have inside scoop.

Ugh.

This such good news.

Why Raj do this?

Because Raj is a train wreck.

Janet almost buy first-class ticket.

On Raj train.

That's gonna be wreck.

I get it.

Whoa.

It's like I stepped back in time.

To a condemned restaurant.

Uh, you'll eat your words.

That might be all I eat.

A burger, pop and fry, please.

One burger-pop-fry.

I'll also have two burger-pop-fries.

Three burger-pop-fry.

[COOK OVER MIC]

What?

Three burger-pop-fry.

But two burger-pop-fry are together.

Yeah, three burger-pop-fry.

One burger-pop-fry then two burger-pop-fry.

[COOK OVER MIC]

So, six burger-pop-fry?

I say, one burger-pop-fry then two burger-pop-fry for total three burger-pop-fry.

Why you not using intercom?

Use intercom.

Never open my window.

I still can't believe Raj cancel wedding.

Ah Maybe for best.

If they smart, they can get some money back.

Still is so sad.

And Raj bring shame on whole family.

Yah, very embarrass.

Oh, oh, FY information.

We get such big hydro bill.

Can you think of anything expensive we don't need now that wedding is cancel?

You want me to return dress.

What I not even think of that.

But if you say so Yobo, I need new dress for special occasion.

Now there is no occasion.

There will be.

Janet's wedding, Jung's wedding.

Jung's second wedding.

It's too expensive, Yobo.

Have to bring dress back to fancy Oh, sorry Have to call Mrs.

Mehta.

She just text me cry face, I think she is crying.

Ugh, I'm gonna try and stay away from the dudes at YIP.

But they're all super hot, rich, jacked bros who want me.

Well, lucky for me, you like guys for their minds.

Uh-huh.

What do you think of this purse?

Not my style.

Besides, this guy's my purse.

No, for me.

I thought you were going to the drum circle.

Yeah.

It's just I feel kind of bad for Raj.

I don't even think anyone from his stag is going.

So, Nathan went to the drum circle on his own.

I get that.

Couples shouldn't get glued to each other.

Especially on a night like tonight.

What?

Is this dress too short?

- Maybe a little.

- Perfect, let's go.

Amazing drum circle.

I mean, some guy showed up with a trumpet, but mostly really good.

It's over?

Yeah, just till sunset.

Wow, you look great.

You must be feeling better.

So much better.

You were sick?

Was but that concoction you gave me must have kicked in.

I told you, nutritional yeast and cumin.

Wow, that is a great dress.

You should join us.

It's a whiskey tasting.

Super fun.

Yeah, you should.

Oh, but Pretty sure it's sold out.

I still have that extra ticket.

- Awesome.

- Let's do it.

Oh, and then, there's this stupid dress code.

Yeah, I'm pretty sweaty.

Maybe I'll just head home.

Makes sense.

I'll call you tomorrow?

No, I mean, I'll go home, shower and meet you guys there.

Uh, of course.

Amazing!

So the cook goes, "What?" - We've all been there.

- And the guy at the cash says, [IN CHINESE ACCENT]

"Three burger-pop-fry.

One burger-pop-fry then two burger-pop-fry.

" So the cook is like [IN CHINESE ACCENT]

"So, six burger-pop-fry?" Oh, my God, this is the funniest part.

So then the guy goes over to this little kitchen panel, slides it open and yells.

[IN POOR CHINESE ACCENT]

"I say one burger-pop-fry then two burger-pop-fry for total three burger-pop-fry.

" Yeah Oh, my God, and then the fry cook says Ah, you really can't do the accent.

Oh, I think I can.

So the fry cook says Anyway, you get it.

- Let's clean these cars.

- Great idea.

Okay So wait, did everyone go for burgers without me?

Okay, very attractive.

Slightly intimidating.

They all look so golden and tasty.

I mean the scotches.

Have you seen Raj yet?

Who knows if he's even here?

Oh, he is.

I saw him in the bathroom.

Okay, Gerald.

Stop obsessing over Raj.

Let it go.

And which way is the bathroom?

Oh, my God.

There's Fahra Anand.

Her brother's a super hot paramedic.

Fahra!

Chelsea Chettiar.

We met at my parents TIFF party BRB, babe.

BRB?

There's no way she's going to BRB.

Um, sorry, BRB.

Hey!

Gerald said you were here.

Drum circle ended early.

Well, I'm glad you could make it.

Yeah, Gerald and Chelsea were all like, "You gotta come!" and whiskey's good, so So, how about some of that whiskey I'm supposed to taste?

I have enough drink tickets for 20 guys.

Let's do it.

Mmm-hmm.

Mmm.

You can really taste the peat.

Which is dirt, right?

Dirt from a marsh, yeah.

And they burn it, so you're enjoying $40 burnt marsh dirt.

[RAJ LAUGHS]

Hey, so the other day you were saying something interesting at the coffee shop.

What was it again?

Hey!

there you are.

Hey!

Wow, you look amazing.

Thank you.

Um, Nathan, you remember Raj.

Right.

Wow, what are the odds?

I know.

It must have seemed so inappropriate.

It was just a funny story.

Not because of the accent.

- Exactly.

- I mean, you were doing it and everybody was laughing and I just got caught up in the For sure.

It's just best if only certain people tell it.

I feel like an idiot.

Still, fun lunch.

Yes.

I'll def be going back to You can say it without the accent.

But I'm worried I won't.

[CLUB MUSIC PLAYING]

This is getting out of hand.

[JANET SIGHS]

I know.

I brought it on myself.

If you come to a party with someone, you stick with them.

But technically Nathan and I didn't come together.

I was talking about Chelsea.

- Oh.

- She says that guy's her cousin.

But they seem pretty affectionate.

Just because it's a whiskey tasting doesn't give you permission to go from guy to guy - to girl to guy.

- Agreed.

And Nathan's super sweet.

Then he shows up wearing the hell out of that suit.

And I'm more than a purse.

I'm a purse-son, with feelings and apparently, an exquisite palate.

You're right.

I can't just lead him on.

It's not fair.

[GERALD]

Yes.

Whoa.

Hey, it's supposed to be savoured.

Hey.

You okay?

Yeah, I'm good.

I just need to tell someone something.

- You wanna get out of here?

- Fine.

I can leave.

I get you're with Nathan and I'm out of drink tickets.

[JANET EXHALES]

I mean you and me.

You know I want to.

Great.

Me does too.

But you've had too much to drink.

Nuh-uh.

Trick glass.

Hey, look, I've screwed this up before and I don't want to do it again.

I want to do this the right way, for the right reasons.

[DJ]

Yo, holla at your boy Raj Mehta who's tying the knot.

[CROWD CHEERS]

Okay, he's really gotta stop saying that.

[POP SONG PLAYING]

Hello.

I'm Mr.

Kim.

I have this dress.

For wedding.

Oh, not for me.

I wear suit.

My wife wear, but wedding is cancel.

Like I didn't see this coming.

What you looking?

Deodorant, wine stains, discolouration Wedding was cancel.

I tell to you.

Mmm-hmm.

Yeah, we don't have anything that'll fit over those hips.

I told your wife that this dress was out of her price range.

She kept it clean, which is more than I expected.

I can give you half the value of the dress back.

Oh, you think I want money back?

- Yes.

- No.


I just bring dress to match with This.

Yeah.

Look good together, huh?

Fine.

That'll be $200.

Only 200?

You still want it, or should we put that back too?

Wrap it up.

We don't really wrap up purses.

For me, you do.

Wrap it up.

Can you imagine having to call 300 guests to explain that a wedding is off?

I can because I did it.

Well, Mrs.

Mehta did.

But you get the point.

I know.

So much money wasted.

- Exactly.

- Almost $500 just for dress.

I asked Raj, point blank.

Why didn't he just go through with it if only for us?

- What he say?

- He said he didn't love Divya.

I said, fine, but answer the question.

Second generation care only about them self.

I think there's another woman, some trollop!

Probably some nurse he works with.

Oh maybe doctor!

Oh, Mrs.

Kim.

- I mean woman doctor.

- I know.

Oh!

Maybe that dreadful Moniqu-a Ashbourn from their high school.

She always had eyes for Raj.

[DOOR OPENS]

Oh, hey.

Um, someone just threw up outside.

Gonna grab some mouthwash.

Janet know about stuff like that.

Know what?

Mr.

Mehta say Raj cancel wedding because of other girl.

Yeah, no clue.

So maybe you can ask around.

Least we can do for our friend.

Umma [SPEAKS KOREAN]

- Naya.

- Did you say Naya?

I know three.

I only know one Naya.

Remember, Umma?

Korean Naya?

Naya's not Korean name.

Naya mean Oh.

I'll set Mrs.

Mehta on the trail.

That woman is like a shark sniffing the blood of a wounded seal.

Though the irony is, she can't swim.

Oh.

That is everything.

And thanks again for grabbing my sunnies from the boot.

Yeah, no problem.

Have a good one.

Cheers, mate.

[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]

Cheers, mate.

I left my sunnies in the boot.

You know what else I keep in the boot?

Crocs and dingos.

What's going on?

[IN NORMAL ACCENT]

Oh, just a customer from Down Under.

You know [IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]

Australia.

What?

That was pretty good.

Yeah Let's hear yours then.

Nope, not going there.

Come on, it's Australian.

No one's gonna get offended.

I'm not taking my chances.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey, Kimch, you just missed an Aussie from Down Under.

[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]

Oh, crikey!

Put another shrimp on the barbie!

Okay, neither of you should be doing that accent.

- [IN NORMAL ACCENT]

Why?

- She's just worried we'll offend the Kiwis.

No.

And Kiwis are from New Zealand.

Whatever.

It's white people accents.

They're all fair game.

- He wasn't white.

- You said he was Australian.

- He was.

- Wow.

Not the same thing.

Your mistake was worse.

I know, definitely, but now that I think about it, why is it okay for you guys to do Chinese accents?

'Cause, uh, we're Asian.

Right Stacie can explain it better because she's - here.

- Explain what?

Why it's okay for Kimch and me to do a Chinese accent.

Because you're Chinese.

- They're Korean.

- Oh.

Well, I think they could probably do - all those accents.

- All what accents?

It's like Jamaicans.

Right?

- I'm not Jamaican.

- And I knew that.

So maybe it's best if we all just stick with accents from our own culture.

Sorry.

I think I left my phone in the dunny.

Uh You mind if I have a looksee?

[IN AUSTRALIAN ACCENT]

No worries, mate!

Go walk about.

[IN NORMAL ACCENT]

Starting now.

Yobo, we need to talk about dress.

It's okay.

I change mind.

You don't have to return.

You deserve fancy dress.

It's only money.

You try to return, but lady is mean to you.

No.

I mean to her.

I see her make two lady cry and one is work at store.

I cry little bit.

Purse is so expensive.

What purse?

This one.

How I can fit anything in that?

Still, cheaper than hat.

What hat?

Oh!

Make you is like Ms.

Colby from Dynasty.

Oh.

So, Raj really cancel wedding for Janet?

That's what she tell me.

Kind of romantic.

Remind me of some who fight for me once.

Who?

- Oh.

- Mmm.

Oh?

That not Raj!

[UMMA]

No.

Oh, thank you.

Sorry for taking off.

- I was going to text you - But I had your phone.

[APPA]

What they saying?

[UMMA]

I can't hear if you keep talking.

You can't hear because we're in fridge.

[UMMA]

Shh!

Sorry, I was kind of a jerk last night and I feel terrible about it.

But I am definitely going to make it up to you.

[UMMA]

Oh.

[APPA]

Oh.

With everything that has happened, it might be good to figure things out.

Don't get me wrong.

I really like hanging out, I just don't want to get in the way if there is something else going on.

[GASPS]

- There isn't.

- Okay.

Still.

Okay.

Sure.

So I'll see you around.

[DOOR OPENS]

[WHISPERS]

Idiot.

Oh, she coming!

Be cool, be cool!

[UMMA]

I already cool.

We in fridge!

Shh!

What are you guys doing?

Just working.

You should try sometime, Janet.

Yeah, Janet.