04x05 - Thinkin' 'Bout Inkin'

[bunniefuu]

It's uncanny.

I have a Samsung phone, an LG TV, and I recently test drove an Optima.

- Hmm.

- The Koreans are k*lling it.

India too.

Bollywood, Priyanka Chopra, guy with the world longest fingernail Two Asian tigers feasting on the world.

Of course, we is both Canadian now.

Better life for family.

Who can blame us?

Canada was at the top of its game.

Expo '86, Calgary Olympics, Maestro Fresh-Wes Of course, we were clueless that there was a recession just around the corner.

Then GST and the SARS.

- Still, no regrets.

- Yeah.

Mrs.

Mehta have servant back in India?

We all did.

Except the servants, I suppose.

And the big house?

More the land than the house.

And the horses.

I have uncle who work for Samsung.

Could have got me into ground floor.

Still, no regrets.

We play hand we get dealt.

Except in this case, we foolishly traded in our cards, never realizing we were holding a royal flush.

[SIGHS]

Still, Great Lake, Rocky Mountain, Algonquin Park in fall.

[EXCLAIMS]

Gorgeous!

Though I've never been.

You?

Please tell me about the horse.

I don't want to talk about it.

[THEME MUSIC PLAYING]

[GERALD]

37%.

I thought I aced this.

You got 37 out of 50.

That's 74%.

Oh!

I aced it.

- I'll catch up.

- Okay.

Hey.

You do okay?

I failed.

You think I'd know this stuff better the second time around.

- Second?

- Now I'll be a credit short, because of this stupid business course.

Hey, if you're losing market share, I'd be happy to boost your stock price.

I'm still not sure we should hook back up just yet.

No, I meant I can help you with this course.

As a friend.

Oh.

Yeah, that'd be great.

I just don't get this.

I can tell.

You look pretty depreciated.

Anyway, um, let me know.

Definitely.

I'll text you?

Hmm?

Hmm.

Yeah.

Sounds good.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Should we practice the pitch?

Please give money to church, to strengthen community and protect your family.

Small note, it might sound a little threatening, to their families.

Maybe just smile more.

protect your family.

It's actually more threatening.

Oh.

Huh.

I'm sure this happens all the time.

- [ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

- Hello?

Okay.

Just stay calm.

Happen with our toaster.

Just need to hit.

No.

[SCREAMS]

Oh, God, please help me.

I swear I'll stop seeing him.

I know it's wrong.

But I can't help it.

Oh.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Here we are.

I'm doing it.

I'm signing without looking.

I'm accepting without looking.

- One of us should probably look.

- Never.

- See you tonight.

- Okay.

Okay.

[NOT-MELISSA]

How are the deliveries going?

The packages have been arriving on time for coming up on six months now, actually.

- That's exciting.

- Yeah.

So what are you gonna get her?

What do you mean?

Six mo's is when you knows.

She means a gift.

But it's not her birthday.

A gift says you're thinking about her.

Even when you're not.

But I am.

Then the gift will say that.

What have you got her so far?

You know Drinks and stuff.

Ice cream.

Mostly things you eat.

Ice cream?

Right.

I'll get her something.

That you don't eat.

Mmm.

Oh.

- It's just a trim - We'll see.

Do you mind sweeping up after?

Nathan's coming by.

Sounds like Janet's gettin' the band back together.

We're just friends.

Right.

And this is just a trim.

It is though.

It's totally normal to be friends with your exes.

[CHELSEA]

I'm not friends with any exes.

When a relationship's done, that person's dead to me.

I burn everything they gave me and erase them from my life.

I just change my Facebook status.

I think we've evolved enough emotionally to put the past behind us.

So you're friends with Raj, too?

Sure.

Then call him.

I would, but I don't have a reason.

Besides, I have to get ready for Nathan.

Ooh, the plot thickens.

No, it's just a friend helping a friend study for a business course.

That's how things always start, on The Janet Show.

Bom ba-zippitty Bom ba-dang It's the theme song.

Whoops.

[UMMA]

And then Pastor Nina panic and yell out, she gonna stop seeing him.

Yeah, okay, you get the money?

Church need a new air conditioner.

Forget about the fundraiser.

What about church sex scandal?

Yobo, you playing broken telephone in a broken elevator.

Maybe Mrs.

Ko know something, she have same hairdresser as Pastor Nina.

Stop.

Every time you gossip, you make the baby Jesus cry.

Nobody say that.

Bible say don't gossip.

But maybe the Jesus break elevator to make Pastor Nina yell so I can hear and help.

Like the Jesus is gossiping to me through Pastor Nina.

Yeah.

Wow.

That sounded like a worried wow.

- How much?

- Uh, couple of hundred.

Wow.

Those salespeople are pros.

They make you hold everything, get attached to it.

Dude, you've only been dating, like, six months.

This sets the bar for all future presents.

Okay.

Christmas?

Birthday?

What does this necklace say?

I don't know.

It's basically an engagement ring for her neck.

Okay.

It's back to food.

Good call.

I'll take her to dinner instead.

Hey, couples are half off at Gina's Ristorante on Thursday.

Didn't you get food poisoning?

And a coupon for a free dessert.

So, I'm still not clear on opportunity cost.

Guess my big question is, what is it?

When you make a choice, opportunity cost is what you lose by not making a different choice.

Got you.

I really need you.

- To tutor me.

- Oh.

Right.

[JANET CHUCKLES]

So is that a new tattoo?

Well, the ink's new.

But I feel like it's always been there.

Did it hurt?

I'm okay with pain, but, yeah.

[CHUCKLES]

Are you thinking of getting one?

Uh, I don't know, maybe something in Sanskrit, or is that tacky?

No.

That would look amazing.

Sure?

You've got such beautiful skin.

So what does that say?

Peace.

I'm pretty sure.

- Anyway, thanks for the tutoring.

- No problem.

That's what friends do.

Just a gal helpin' a pal.

- Well, good night.

- Oh, you're welcome.

I mean, good night.

Hey, before we start, people at work were talking about anniversaries and I realized you and I hadn't celebrated anything, so Happy Five-week-iversary!

That's great.

Don't freak out.

I'm not freakin' out, because I have something for you, too.

Really?

Yeah.

I was going to wait for six weeks, but what the hell, right?

Here.

You first.

It's from our first lunch buddy hang.

You had a cheeseburger that looked so good.

And I didn't get a toy because I made my lunch, so you gave me yours.

And I kept it.

To remind me how a lunch and a person can surprise you.

Great.

Oh, my God.

Yeah, I don't really have a story for that, but, um, happy five-week-iversary, right?

Heh.

I love your sweater.

Mrs. Yoon has the same one, but she got it cheap because one arm is shorter than the other.

The sweater, not Mrs. Yoon.

So what's new with you two?

Oh, nothing.

Just the store and the church fundraiser Yobo But nothing exciting about the church fundraiser.

Except exciting new air conditioner.

Yes, Mrs. Kim.

Congrats.

It takes a big person to ask for cash.

Maybe you should've sent Mr. Kim?

Yeah, yeah, Jimmy.

Maybe you should make more donation from your big wallet.

I give the gift of laughter.

And 800 anonymous dollars.

Bill and Jenny Ramos gave a thousand.

So that's what they've been fighting about.

Who's fighting?

Well, from what I heard, one of them's getting their car serviced at a different mechanic.

[GASPING]

Why that such a big Yeah You know what else?

There's a reason why Mrs.

Bang's face looks 15 years younger than her neck Oh.

[INAUDIBLE]

- Did you see that?

- Yeah.

You think Pastor Nina is the other mechanic?

Ooh!

And Bill is one she talk about in elevator.

What elevator?

- Hey, guys.

- Janet, help us.

We bought a pie on a dare.

- Who dared you?

- The pie guy.

Have a seat.

I'm fine.

You're making me nervous.

Like that pie guy.

Mmm.

I got a tattoo.

- Still a bit tender.

- Oh, my God!

Could you imagine?

I can, because I got one.

- Wait, really?

- Where is it?

Oh, you know.

Just on my back.

But you won't sit down.

- My lower back.

- Upper butt?

Gerald, that's disgusting.

I mean, like, upper portion of Technically my lower waist.

Since when have you wanted a tattoo?

I've always wanted one and then Nathan drew this cool design - A-ha!

- I told you we're just friends.

You and I are friends.

If I drew a picture of a cool robot, would you get it tattooed?

Whatever, I like it.

Show us.

- Okay, but it's still fresh.

- [CHELSEA GIGGLES]

I love it.

What is it?

Peace, written in Sanskrit.

- It's maybe infected.

- It's not infected.

Guess now you've got a reason to call Raj.

You know, your other friend?

Zee-bah zipparaba Hee-hoo That's not how it goes.

They shaved black truffle over everything.

I thought it was chocolate, but it had more of a soil vibe.

- [GWEN]

It was amazing.

- Oh.

This guy.

Hey, there, Funtown, population three.

Oh, my God.

I love your necklace.

Jung gave it to me.

[GWEN]

Oh, that is so romantic.

Yeah, that's somethin'.

I love how it catches the light.

- Where's it from?

- Yeah, Jung, where is it from?

Oh, just a - store.

- A store?

Interesting.

Yeah, real pros, make you hold everything, so you get imprinted on it or whatever.

Really?

Well, whoever helped you has exquisite taste.

Sure does.

Oh, don't be jelly.

Why would I be jealous?

Gwen and I had an amazing dinner last night.

Yeah.

I mean, you can't treasure it forever, but it was nice.

[UMMA]

Hi, Pastor Nina.

Look, Yobo, it's Pastor Nina.

Yeah, I see.

No sneaking past you two.

Just shopping for yourself today?

Uh-huh.

We have two-for-one toothbrush.

Not two toothbrush for one person, but one person buy for two different set of teeth.

Bill Ramos' elbow is for Jenny to squeeze.

What?

You shouldn't be so friendly with married men.

You're pastor.

Okay, I don't know how this rumor started, but it is completely unfounded.

We not judging, just telling you to stop because it's very bad.

Fine, I have been seeing him.

Because I have been counselling him.

He's going through a very difficult time right now, and he does not want Jenny to know, yet.

Jenny gonna be very upset Bill sneaking behind her back.

No, because I'm also seeing Jenny.

Again, counselling, and she does not want Bill to know because she's actually having an aff Issue with someone else.

Yeah.

Not, [IMITATING APPA]

yeah.

None of this is your business and gossip like this can completely ruin a church community.

- We very sorry.

- For judging.

Also very bad whoever start this rumor.

And we pray for Bill and Jenny.

Yes, definitely.

- Dear Jesus - Not now.

What the hell, man?

I'm sorry, Shannon had a gift for me and I panicked.

And, hey, Gwen loved that dinner.

They fed us dirt and vegetables.

- I owe you.

- Ya think?

- And I'll pay the $200.

- It wasn't 200.

- Oh, thank God.

- It was six.

I was embarrassed to tell you.

How much money do you make?

Look, I don't have that much on me, - but I'll earn it.

- How?

Give me double, triple shifts.

Just tell her the truth and I'll return it.

You saw how much she loved the necklace.

Please.

Fine.

But you owe me.

600 dollars.

And you owe me.

Okay, I feel like we're just going in circles now.

Guess who came alone today?

Okay, it was Jenny.

You were right.

Pastor Nina's wearing the same shirt as yesterday.

It's a church collar shirt.

Same everyday.

And she was sweating a bit when I spoke to her.

Everybody is sweating.

New air conditioner is not installed yet.

Did you hear Mrs.

Ko saw fresh flowers in the pastor's office?

I wonder if she paid the Bill as in Ramos, so to speak.

- You're terrible.

- Stop.

Pastor Nina tell us nothing going on.

So you talked to her about it?

No, just, uh Pastor Nina mentioned the counseling, Bill's, not Jenny's.

- They're both getting counseling?

- No.

Yes.

But not together.

We not saying anymore.

Got it.

- I serious.

- Me too.

[SIGHS]

Didn't you close last night?

I did.

I did.

Think I might just pull double shifts the next few weeks for the best boss ever.

Okay, I feel like we're just moving too fast.

It's only been five weeks and I just got out of a serious relationship.

Oh, you're the one who wanted to celebrate the five-week-iversary.

But that was a tiny sentimental gift.

Not this beautiful necklace which is actually kind of sharp and prickly.

I mean, I love it, but then I started thinking about your birthday.

How do I top this?

Courtside Raptors seats?

A VR set?

Where does it end?

Agreed, but, well, if you're ever thinkin' about getting me those things I'm not.

So would you be insulted if I gave you this back?

No, no, not at all.

Are you sure?

I feel like I'm ruining this super sweet gesture.

Actually, it's a funny story.

You see, Kimchee bought the necklace for Gwen, then when I saw that you got a gift for me, I panicked and then I gave it to you.

Oh.

You gave me Gwen's necklace?

That's so funny.

Maybe you had to be there.

Which you were.

Okay, we go now?

Yeah.

Just have to drop off anonymous donation to help rebuild church community.

Thank you.

And for air conditioner.

[SPEAKING KOREAN]

Pastor Nina?

[EXCLAIMS]

Mr. Kim.

This is so embarrassing.

No, I'm glad you called.

I know what you're thinking.

Who is this girl?

Sloppy drunk at a whiskey tasting, saying all this crazy stuff, then getting a pretty cool tattoo I must seem like a train wreck.

- Look, this might be cold - No, just say it.

I meant this.

- Yeah, that is cold.

- You okay?

Yeah.

So, this is Sanskrit?

Yeah.

It says "peace. " Does yoga guy like it?

He doesn't know about it.

It's for me.

Well, I like it.

Even if it is spelled wrong.

- What?

- I'm kidding.

I have no idea.

Okay, so no bathing for a while and keep it out of direct sunlight Oozing puss and showerless.

Just try to resist me.

Not you.

I mean, anyway Give me a call if you have any questions or it seems more sore or Just to get a coffee.

Yeah, I will.

Thanks.

Oh, my God.

Sorry.

I was in here when you put up the "back in five" sign.

[UMMA]

Yeah, yeah, we get on so nice.

What's wrong?

I see something.

Something big.

What did you see?

I can't tell.

Not going to gossip.

Yobo It's maybe best gossip in the history of gossip, but I not say anything.

So big.

Tell me, please.

[CHUCKLES]

Yeah, no.

Because if I tell you I don't know.

I'm so sorry you had to see that, Mr. Kim.

It's okay.

Everyone human.

Let's go, Yobo.

No, it's just - Mr. Kim saw me with - Nobody.

Have good day.

Who?

Who?

- Jimmy Young.

- Jimmy Young?

- Don't have to tell everything.

- I want to know everything.

Well Actually, Jimmy is a really sweet guy and we got to know each other through counselling All right.

TMI Then we started seeing each other socially I tell you best part later.

And it was just an innocent kiss when your husband walked in.

[GASPS]

Now what I supposed to tell?

Hopefully, nothing, because I'm hoping that we can keep this between ourselves.

Don't worry, this time your secret is safe with us.

What do you mean, this time?

Anytime.

- Pastor Nina?

- Ah!

We leave you to your counselling.

- What?

How did you - Okay, see you.

We want to return the necklace.

- But how would I I certainly don't - She knows everything.

Knows what?

That you bought it for Gwen, but were going to return it, and then Jung panicked when I gave him a gift and grabbed the first thing he could find.

And now he's working double shifts to pay it off.

He is?

Okay, so she doesn't know everything.

Anyway Good riddance to this fella.

What's going on?

It's just before this was just some dumb expensive necklace.

And now?

Now, it's the dumb expensive necklace that you stole from Kimchee to give to me, and then had to work double shifts all week just to pay it off.

You want to keep it, don't you?

I want to keep it.

The thing is, it's $600.

Actually, 950.

Dude!

Wow!

I'll just keep the story.

Thank you.

Hey, you still got the receipt, right?

It was in the box.

Jung?

Hey, I passed the makeup test.

It's not about makeup.

Pass is a pass.

That's great.

You're great, for helping.

Hey, check this out.

It says "love.

" Oh, wow.

You know how we were talking about Sanskrit words the other day?

- Yeah.

- Maybe this will inspire you to get one.

Too late.

He means it's never too late to keep thinking about it.

And I'm still thinking about it.

Maybe we can talk more about it over some vegan nachos.

See where the night takes us.

Yeah.

Sure.

- Bohm zip-zippitty Bohm ba-dang - No.