01x04 - Episode 4

[bunniefuu]

How far is it?

It's about a four-hour walk.

What?!

Just kidding. It's just over here.

Does it have a rope ladder?

It's not a tree house, more of a... shed.

What'd you do in there?

Just pretend I was in a tree house.

Well, I'm gonna pretend I'm little Daniel in the tree house.

We actually don't have heaps of time.

We've got a list of stuff to do before we close today.

My list was better.

Just the word 'pub' isn't a list.

I can't believe we're open on a Saturday.

Oh, can you close your eyes from this point?

Why aren't I allowed to know where your cubby house is?

What if Robin never told Batman where the Batcave was?

Do you mean if Batman never told Robin?

I'm Batman.

No, no, I just want to do a dramatic reveal.

Oh, okay.

All right?

Ready. Yep.

Okay.

Whoa. Rock.

Oh! Ow!

Yeah, sorry, I asked you to close your eyes too soon.

Okay, you can open them now.

(GASPS) Wow!

Yeah, it's pretty cool, isn't it?

Mum and I put it together.

It was just a spot near school where I could hide from people trying to punch me, dak me, pee in my bag.

I can't believe Barbara did this for you.

Well, I mean, I helped, a little, but... yeah, she can be pretty supportive when she's not being... very unsupportive.

Do you want to go inside?

Yes!

Whoa.

Whoo!

You know, technically, it's no girls allowed.

Too late!

Yeah. No wonder you didn't let girls in here. Gross!

These... these aren't mine.

Sure.

No, no, none of this... none of this is mine.

This... someone else has been in here.

It's Bruce! This... this is Bruce's stuff.

He's... he's turned my cubby house into his own... p*rn... man cave.

Who still buys p*rn magazines? Doesn't he have a phone?

How'd he find it?

Are you mad?

Yes! I... I am.

This... this is where I came to get away from him, and now it's like a...

Bruce shrine.

He's probably masturbated there.

Ugh.

Are you okay?

I haven't... grown, Em.

I still feel just as... sh*t about all this stuff.

I thought... running the business, showing Mum I could do it, would... help, but... couldn't do that either.

You did your best.

Didn't sell any houses. Didn't expand the rent roll.

Mum's back tomorrow, and she's not gonna want me sticking around.

What about your list?

We're gonna finish that today, right?

It's all shitty office tasks.

I'm not gonna redeem myself by... restocking the tea bags.

Well... I thought you did a great job.

Well, I didn't, and now the guy who made my childhood hell has got me babysitting his dog, and he's turned my cubby house into his...

Personal wank den?

Yes. Thank you for that.

You know what?

If this is gonna be our last day in Rosehaven, I've got something new for your list.

♪ Yeah, we know ♪
♪ Even if we had so far to go ♪
♪ Even if the pace is slow ♪
♪ Oh, I'll be coming home to you again ♪
♪ If we find ♪
♪ Something to feel that we belong ♪
♪ If we can right all the wrongs ♪
♪ I'll be coming home to you again. ♪

It's fine. I wasn't using it anyway.

Shouldn't let it get to me.

I think you should confront him.

(SCOFFS) Yeah.

Really. Tomorrow you leave this place forever.

Well, I'll try to come back for Christmas...

Forever. So why not go and tell him off?

Because I'm not in primary school anymore.

Exactly!

I came here to escape my problems, but you didn't.

And I'm not going to let you go back to Australia...

The mainland. with your head down.

Today is all about Daniel looking his childhood issues straight in the eye and poking them with his fingers.

And Bruce used to ruffle my hair every day at school.

Every day he'd just walk past and... ruin my fringe.

He's a monster.

I always imagined coming back one day and ruining his fringe.

Well, guess what day it is.

What's the worst that can happen?

He can't dak me. I'm wearing a belt.

It'll be like a hit-and-run for the soul.

Yeah. You know what? You're right.

I don't want to regret never standing up to him my whole life.

No, you do not.

I'm as tall as he is now.

Yes, you are!

Let's do this!

Whoo!

I don't want to do this.

You don't have to fight him.

I was never gonna fight him.

You're just gonna tell him how he hurt your feelings growing up so you can release your bitterness, then claim back what is rightfully yours and take your place as king of Rosehaven.

I'm just gonna tell him to move his stuff out of my cubby house.

Same thing. Go on.

(KNOCKS)

Danny.

Daniel.

What can I do for you?

Nothing.

Better let you get back to it.

Yep, Mr Rafter, it doesn't matter if you're a lawyer or not.

Your dog is still pooing in the common areas.

Well, it'd be quicker to put it in the bin than post it to me.

Thanks for your time.

Are you ready to talk about it?

(SIGHS) No.

Really? Let it out just a little?

I changed my mind, okay?

I... I don't care about the cubby house and all that other stuff.

It was... a long time ago.

It was my fault you choked.

I didn't choke.

You did, but it was my fault.

It was too big a deal.

I sent you to the final boss too soon.

We need to level your character up a bit.

Get you to do some smaller things, then Bruce.

What things?

Other unfinished childhood business you have here.

I'm not a trapped spirit, Em.

Come on!

What's all the stuff that you wanted to do growing up that you didn't?

I don't know.

Do you want to stand up to Bruce or not?

Yes.

Good!

What's this one?

Mum never let me drink juice after 9:00am.

She said I wasn't a movie star in Hollywood.

Right. Well, it's 10:40.

Okay.

So sweet.

You got this.

"Swing over creek." Easy.

It's not. It's actually more scary now I'm an adult.

No!

I weigh more now, and I'm pretty sure this is the same rope from when I was a kid.

You got this, buddy!

That was... that was easy.

I thought you were gonna fall in!

Yeah, me too.

Bruce?

Yeah.

How do I get back?

I don't know.

Well, can you bring the car around?

I don't know how to get over there.

Well, just Google Map it.

You don't have an address.

Am I supposed to type in "grass patch"?

No, just open the app...

You ready?

Hang on.

What... what are you doing?

I want to look confident.

Okay.

You've... you've never stood like that.

No one has. No one stands like that.

Well...

Just stand normally.

How do I normally stand?

I don't... You know, just stand.

Not... weird.

Better.

(KNOCKS)

Hey, Bruce!

(DOOR OPENS)

Danny! What are you doing back here again?

You know my cubby house?

Yeah...? Oh, my shed?

Yes.

No.

What about it?

Well, I want you to stop...

Why have you got your hands in your pockets?

What?

Just... looks weird.

No, it doesn't.

At least you said "cubby house" this time.

(GROANS)

This is worse than I thought.

He really did a number on you.

He replaced my sunscreen with Liquid Paper once, so...

We don't have to do this.

I'm sorry I pushed you.

Uh, what else do we need to do today, hmm?

Eh?

Here we go. How about, um...

Spellcheck the rental ads, that's good.

No. No, no. No.

I want to ruffle his hair.

Okay. Let's step it up.

I've changed my mind. I think Mum was right not to let me do this.

You just have to turn it on.

(SHOUTS) How does it feel?

(SHOUTS) I hate it!

What?!

Don't worry, this is an easy one.

Yeah...

(CLEARS THROAT) Hi.

Oh.

What can I get you?

Uh, nothing.

Um, I was in here before and I bought a steak and mushroom pie, and I'm pretty sure it gave me food poisoning.

Oh.

I thought you should know.

When did you come in?

1990.

That was a long time ago.

I wasn't even born.

I know, but I remember it.

Um, I... I ate it and then I spewed a hundred metres from my house.

It was also my birthday.

So, how do you know it was the pie that made you sick?

Well, it... it was the only thing I ate that day.

A pie was the only thing you ate?

(SNORTS) Doesn't sound right.

Well, I... I was sick.

(SIGHS) Sometimes the food poisoning incubation period can be as long as 10 days.

You sure know a lot about food poisoning for someone who hasn't food-poisoned anyone.

Can you please just apologise?

I would if I thought it was one of our products.

Apologise!

I'm sorry you're upset.

That's an "I'm sorry you're sorry". It doesn't count.

Yeah, but it's fine. I'm just...

It's not fine.

It's fine?

It is fine. Yeah, it's fine.

Okay.

Okay, let's go.

(STOMPS OUT)

How you feeling?

Yeah, I'm all right.

Is there anything you wanted to do today?

We can't do mine.

I wanted Josh to turn up and beg for my forgiveness.

Do you want to get back with him?

I want him to want me to. Is that crazy?

No.

You know what I would like? World peace.

And for you to stand up to Bruce.

Yeah, me too.

(INDICATOR TICKS)

Okay. Here we go.

(TYRES SQUEAL)

Swing and a miss!

He would have sprayed us.

(TUTS)

(GASPS) Got it.

Oh, not this, Em. A lot's changed.

You still like her though, right?

Yes...

Tell her how you feel. Might get a goodbye pash.

Might get rejected.

Last day, remember.

Just go in there and shake her hand.

It is a very special breed of arsehole that can refuse an outstretched hand.

Well, then what do I do?

You improvise.

Oh, what are you gonna open with?

"Hey"?

Good. Hey is good. Super casual.

Hi's too intense. Hi's like a charity mugger.

It's like, "Hi! Do you like tigers?" It's too much.

Well, what if she has patients?

Invisible patients?

Where are you going?

Oh, I just thought I might go say bye to Damien.

The locksmith who unlocked your heart?

Just shut up! It's my last day too, remember?

And plus, I'm not gonna wait outside while you hit on the GP.

She's probably busy.

Love breaks all barriers of time and space.

Daniel.

Plus, I made you an appointment.

You ready?

Yep.

(EXHALES SLOWLY)

(CAMERA CLICKS)

How are you?

Uh, good, thanks. Yeah, yeah, good.

Then what are you doing here?

(CHUCKLES)

Uh, how are you...

Shall we get started?

Sorry, you go.

The mole scan.

The... the mole... the mole scan?

That's what I had you down for.

Uh, yeah.

Uh, just had one on my hand I wanted you to have a...

When was the last time you had a scan?

Yesterday.

Two years ago.

Then we're doing the whole lot.

Can you take your shirt and pants off?

(GENTLE PIANO MUSIC PLAYS)

It's actually lucky you got me. I was about to head out.

Oh, really?

No.

You really feel kind of hidden in here, don't you?

Yeah, I think they call it nesting.

Oh. I'd say it feels more like a burrow.

Do you want a drink?

Sure.

What's this music?

I'm not sure. It's just sort of instrumentals on shuffle.

Actually, there's a track in there that makes you feel like a Frenchman writing poetry, about to throw a glass of wine against a wall.

But most of it's pretty upbeat.

Ah. Awesome.

Well, Daniel and I are leaving Rosehaven and he's doing his goodbyes, so I thought I would too.

Oh, yeah?

Yeah.

Thing is, I haven't actually met that many people, so I don't actually have that many goodbyes, and, um, I really liked... your house.

(DRAMATIC ORCHESTRAL MUSIC PLAYS)

(MUSIC BUILDS)

So, I'm, um... leaving tomorrow.

Are you? That's a shame.

Yeah. Yeah. Mum gets back, so...

Danny, your breathing's quite shallow.

Are you okay?

Yeah.

I'm just looking at your body with a magnifying glass.

It's nothing to worry about.

Sorry, what are you...?

I'm taking a photo of the spots I want to keep an eye on.

Right. Of course.

So, I, um... think I still like you.

As a... as a friend, obviously.

I mean, not as a friend, but, um...

I mean, you are my friend, but, um...

Oh!

Oh, I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. Uh, that was, um...

I'm sorry. I should have asked, uh, you.

No, I... should have checked.

I should have waited till I had clothes on. Um, I'm sorry.

I should.. I... just your face was very close and I was worried you'd say no.

And I'm sorry. I'm sorry about this.

Yeah, Daniel, um... I'm just not used to patients trying to kiss me, that's all.

No. Well, why would you be? Um...

I don't know. Maybe it's a thing that... happens.

Have you tried to kiss a doctor before?

No, it was you... specific. I'm sorry.

Um, I'm in my underpants. I'm gonna go.

Olive.

Are Saturdays always this quiet?

No. A little treat for us.

I'm back!

You booked me in for a mole scan.

You haven't been in two years. You're welcome.

I forgot to ask if she found anything.

So? Did you tell her you liked her?

Yes.

In my undies.

Brave choice.

Not a choice. Mole scan.

Then I tried to kiss her.

(GASPS) Did you?

Jinx!

What do you mean, jinx?

I kissed Damien.

Really?

Yeah. In the daytime.

Well, I didn't kiss Grace. I just... leaned in.

Okay. Well... well, that's still good.

She leaned away, and then I walked outside with no clothes on.

Probably got sunburnt and have to get another mole scan.

Okay. That sounds terrible.

But you did something that young you would never have done.

Yeah, I guess.

You're ready.

Final boss?

(KNOCKS)

He's not home.

Sorry, mate.

Let's leave a note.

Hm?

"f*ck... you.

"From Dan."

No. No, no, no...

"From Daniel."

No, no. No, it doesn't... no...

Come on! Quick!

Come on, come on, come on!

If you set those off when work finishes, you'll have to stay behind and clean it up.

Boom! Blam! (MIMICS expl*si*n)

Just as powerful.

(MIMICS EXPLOSIONS)

Goodnight, you two.

Oh, um, Mrs Marsh.

Uh, I... I know we've only worked together for a small amount of time, but I've always appreciated your... work.

Thanks, Daniel.

I know you're hard on yourself, but you always got here on time, and the photocopier's working again.

Thank you.

See you at Christmas.

Bye!

Bye.

Pub?

Pub.

Hey, I just realised you're not my boss anymore.

Uh, no.

No, no, I... I guess you're right.

Great.

You just going to leave them there like that?

Yeah.

How are you gonna drink your wine?

You got me.

Hey, why don't you ask, uh, Damien to come?

Nah, he doesn't like people.

Or public places. Or leaving his house.

Maybe he doesn't want to come because you don't kiss good.

I kiss real good.

I think you're just jealous because you didn't get a kiss.

Yeah.

Oh, I'm sorry you didn't get a kiss in your undies.

I mean, that you didn't kiss her while you were wearing...

Yep, yep, got it. Thank you. Thank you.

And also, you never b*at the big boss.

No, no, I'm... I'm glad. I... I'm glad he wasn't there.

I've got to... I've got to let it go.

I've given that man too much... too much brain time.

Right.

Bruce is a piece of sh*t.

Bruce: Oi, oi.

G'day. Just a beer, thanks, mate.

Did he... did he hear me?

Nah.

Hey, Bruce! You're a piece of sh*t!

What?

You...

You... you... you heard me.

Just here for a beer, mate.

Yeah, I'm not your mate. And I want my cubby house back.

Oh, f...

Hey, you left. Get over it.

How was I supposed to know you'd come crawling back from the mainland?

Couldn't hack it.

It's just a shitty shed.

Yeah, it is now...

It is now you've turned it into a p*rn shed, okay?

That's been my space since I was a kid, Bruce.

I built it with my mum.

(LAUGHS)

All right, Danny, relax.

Yeah, it's Daniel.

And I want your stuff out of there.

Sure thing...

Danny.

Hey, hey, hey, let's go.

Come on, let's go. You did it. Good job.

f*ck you, mate!

That was Dan's childhood space.

Yeah!

Okay, well, I guess you're gonna have to find another... place to have no friends in.

No...? I'm his friend, and we went there today and totally fooled around on all your stuff!

Yeah, you... you think you can just push me around, Bruce?

You can't now, okay? I'm a... I'm a property manager.

He's a manager!

All right, all right.

I think it's time for you two to go home.

You've had a little bit too much.

Yeah, too much of your sh*t!

Oh, nice.

If you hadn't have fallen over, you could have taken him.

I doubt it.

I almost fell on Mrs Marsh.

Didn't even see her come in.

She thought it was funny.

Really?

No.

I shouldn't have made you do all that stuff today.

No, no, it was... it was... it was good for me. I...

Apart from falling over and getting arrested, I... had fun.

We were in a bar fight!

Yeah.

I... I'm ready to leave now, but... thanks for today, Em.

Aww!

It was fun, wasn't it?

No!

(GREG COUGHS)

Everyone feeling better?

Greg, I am so sorry. It was just a... little disagreement.

Bruce and I have sorted it out, so...

I'd actually say that there's more animosity between us now.

He's joking.

Look, I'm sorry about this, team, but you didn't give me much of an option.

Can you take a photo for me?

Weren't there enough people at the pub taking photos?

But here we're behind bars. I can tell Josh I'm on death row.

It was nothing. It was a heated discussion.

He called me a piece of sh*t, Dad.

I was kidding.

Look, I love you all equally.

Huh?

Yeah, look, we should... probably get going.

I've got to pack for tomorrow, so if you...

I'll get us all a pizza so you guys can sober up.

Oh, don't forget to get the garlic bread this time, Dad!

Mum, what are you... what are you doing here?

My son got arrested.

What are you doing here?

It wasn't his fault.

It was.

Hi, Barbara.

I was going to let them out.

Well, I wasn't even going to put them in, standard procedure.

Practically everybody in town saw what they did, so I had to do something.

But, uh, it's good to use the cells every now and then, what with all this talk about closing the single-man... one-man stations.

Gotta seem useful.

That's fine, Greg.

You look good.

Cane new?

It's temporary.

I think it looks great.

Mum, are... are you okay?

If you were that worried about my health, you wouldn't have got arrested and made me get out of rehab.

Oh, Barbara, I had no idea.

Not for dr*gs, Greg.

I am... I am so sorry.

Really sorry. Nothing bad happened.

How do you expect to work here now?

Well, it... it's my... it's my last day, isn't it?

Obviously I'll need you to stick around a bit longer.

I can't sit for more than 15 minutes.

I'm not happy about it, either. I thought I'd heal faster than this.

So we're staying? That's the best!

I mean, not about you being sick, obviously.

Shall I let them out, Barbara?

Yes, thanks, Greg.

Well?

Uh, thanks, Greg.

Thank you, Greg.

Have you anything you want to say, Bruce?

I'm glad you're staying. See you around.

Well, that sounds like a thr*at.

How does it look when an estate agent can't even deal with a dispute over a cubby house without getting arrested?

Um, yes, well, we spellchecked the rental ads.

(MOUTHS SILENTLY)

Bruce: Hey, when can I come and see my dog?

What?

Uh, we have a dog now.

Em and I are gonna go door to door offering free appraisals.

Do you know what you are? Human junk mail.

Em, I'm at the radio station, we're going on soon. Where are you?

I think Daniel sounds like a legend and I would love to get an appraisal from him.

Emma?

No! Whoo!

Would you like to kiss... now?

Are you asking me rather than leaning in because of what happened last time?

Thanks for getting Damien to put a lock on it.

No worries.

Can I tell you something?

Yeah.

I hate it in here.

Yeah, me too. It's so gross.