01x07 - Episode 7

[bunniefuu]

What do we have in common, Meredith?

We have a baby in common.

Well, I didn't wanna announce it at your party, but I got a place, move in next week.

Wow.

Congrats, mate. That's awesome.

How did you manage to keep this a secret?

Ah, just the standard method, by telling no one.

I think I'm being replaced. I've heard some rumours.

The thing is, who would they replace me with?

Eric: Listen, I know you've been thrown in the deep end, and I'm here to make sure you know that I'm on your team.

Thank you.

Eric: Yeah.

Are you interested in Jack?

No.

Happy birthday, Lily.

It was a huge, stupid mistake and it'll never happen again, I promise.

You lied to me.

(CRIES)

Eric, I've been giving the current situation a lot of thought, and, unfortunately, I have no choice but...

I'm at a point where I can't perform my job effectively anymore, and...

Eric, you've left me no choice but to resign.

I'll be handing in my resignation by the end of the day.

(SNIFFS, EXHALES)

You all right, Lily?

You haven't blinked in a really long time.

Pete: Okay, so I've been building theories as to why you never answer your phone.

Number one, classic Lily move, haven't updated your software in a year.

Number two, some sort of "Silence of the Lambs" trapped-in-a-well type scenario.

Or three, you've just been promoted again and you're now running the entire network.

Look, I don't wanna shock you, but the reason for all these calls is I am organising a baby shower.

(STRUMS GUITAR)

(PHONE BEEPS)

(SINGS) ♪ Call me! Call me! ♪
♪ I need some help, you see ♪
♪ Call me, Lily ♪
♪ I gotta plan a shower for a baby ♪
♪ Call me, remember me ♪
♪ It's P, P-E-T-E ♪
♪ Whee ♪

(MEREDITH CLICKS TONGUE)

Well, I just think it'd be a nice moment of connectedness for the three of us.

(SIGHS) Yeah, it's my dad, he's not exactly a hand-holding kind of guy, you know, especially at a baby shower.

Yeah, but it'd just be the three of us.

And we could hold hands and send good wishes to the baby.

No, sorry, my brain just actually rejects the image.

And mine doesn't.

(SIGHS)

My brain actually thinks it's kind of beautiful.

I'm not saying it's not beautiful, it's just me and my dad have very different ideas of beauty.

(PHONE RINGS)

Jesus H Christ, Lily Woodward, it's a miracle!

Lily: I'm at the end of a 17-hour day, and I am exhausted to the point of...

Can you pretend I said something really witty?

(LAUGHS THEATRICALLY) Where are you?

I'm on the floor in my office, flat on my back.

And the carpet really smells.

Okay. Head home. I'll meet you there.

Do you need food?

I need everything.

All right. I'll be there soon with supplies, okay?

'Bye.

Going, are you?

Ah, is that all right?

Sorry, it's the first time I've got her in, like, months.

Yeah. You just, ah... Can you pass me a cushion?

Sure. (CLEARS THROAT)

My laptop's back there.

Yep, got it.

Here you are.

I won't be late.

(DOOR SHUTS)

(LILY SIGHS)

Pete: Oh! What is that smell?

Oh, shut up.

Holy sh*t, Lil.

(SIGHS)

Last night, my dinner was a cup of rice and three Tic Tacs.

Check these out. Not undies.

Bather bottoms, bikinis.

Wow.

And I'm using kitchen towel instead of toilet paper now.

It's like sandpaper.

Okay. Yeah. Don't need the details.

It's like a cheese grater all the way up inside.

Okay, I seem to have underestimated your circumstances.

But never fear. I have toilet paper, I have hand soap.

I have takeaway salad.

Oh! Oh, my God, I love you.

So what is it, is work just a nightmare or...?

(MUFFLED) Well... the thing is, I think it's okay.

The numbers are up.

It's just... It's the job itself. It is relentless.

I spend half of my time tap-dancing for executives.

So it's gonna be noisy, yeah?

Yes. Noisy, hot button topics.

Mmm, not sure about "hot button".

Did I say hot button?

Um, not super-hot. More like lukewarm.

Just... just current.

Finger on the button?

Finger on the button! Yes! Yes, of course.

And the other half is saying no to people who used to really like me.

Well, I'm sorry, but I just thought you would really be on board with it.

Personally, I love it but we can't do terror cells before 10 am.

We just... We can't.

Can you say something or make a facial expression at least so I know the two of you aren't 100% despising me right now?

Does the expression need any authenticity whatsoever?

No.

And, um, what about... Jack?

We don't really talk anymore.

Nikkii's producing him now, and he's really busy.

He's become a brand.

He's like... Apple. No. He's Coke.

Is Coke better than Apple?

He could even be Uber.

Jack is approving cookbook layouts right now.

How much longer will he be?

Uh, another five.

But then, we have a photo sh**t, hospital visit and we have to get the vineyard segment before we lose light.

I just wanted to check in, see how he's going.

Well, in the interest of saving time, efficiency, why don't I answer for him?

Okay.

He's very, very busy.

Thanks, Nikkii.

I still don't know where Simone is.

I've called her, I've emailed her, I've texted her, I've poked her, I've tagged her and she still doesn't respond.

She hasn't blocked me on Instagram, though, so I do know that she still enjoys breakfast and seasonal natives.

Well, you might be seeing her on Sunday because I did invite her to the, quote-unquote, "baby shower".

(SIGHS)

What?

(WHISPERS) I don't know if I can come.

What, because of Simone?

No, because of work.

We put it on a Sunday afternoon because you're always done by 2:00.

I know, but that was the old Lily, this is the new Lily and I have Monday morning ratings and exec meetings and I have to be across every strategy...

Wait, wait, wait. Can we just rewind?

Because I think we went into a parallel universe where you told me you can't come to the baby shower of my firstborn child because of Monday ratings.

Um. I think the parallel universe is the fact that you are having a baby shower.

(STAMMERS)

Yeah, it's not very you.

Yeah, that's right, it's not very me. That's why I need you there.

Every aspect of this freaks me out!

So why are you having it, then?

For Meredith.

And, yeah, there might be some happy, clappy, hippie, chakra sh*t, but we're not gonna be serving chocolate poos in nappies or anything.

(SIGHS)

I'm sorry, I don't...

Look, it's also because...

You know, this whole pregnancy's been so chaotic.

You know, we weren't together, we didn't have any money.

And we just want to get everyone in a room and say, "This is happening!"

Like, "Come on, legit happening and we're really happy about it."

You're seriously not coming.

No, I... (SIGHS)

I'll be there for you in every way that I can.

I don't wanna make promises I can't keep.

Well, I was gonna ask you to be the baby's godmother, but I guess that's a no too.

It's fine if she can't make it.

No, it's not fine.

She's passing up her best friend's baby shower for what?

Huh? To pre-plan celebrity weight loss segments or some bullshit.

By the way, I've told her we intended to make her the godmother, in case she ever brings it up.

(SCOFFS) What? You said you didn't want a godmother, Pete.

I know. Ahh!

Oh, sh*t.

So you told her that... Are you okay?

Yes.

You told her that just so you could make her feel guilty?

Yeah, and it didn't even work. That's how messed up she is.

(SIGHS)

No, can't sleep.

(SIGHS)

(LIVELY MUSIC)

Lily: Mmm.

Woman: Good morning.

Good morning. Hi.

Oh!

Oh, can... Can we have a quick word?

Of course.

Perhaps a quick word with the door closed?

Sure.

Is everything all right?

Yeah. Look, it's just a tiny little, niggly, little thing.

You know, Eric threatened to quit the show last night.

What?

Yeah.

Why?

Well, have a guess.

Jack.

Mmm-hmm. Bingo.

He requested a meeting, said he's feeling sidelined, the show's fallen out of balance, quote, "It's him or me."

Did you tell him Jack is hugely popular with our audiences and our sponsors?

All that. Nevertheless, just, can you have a word with him?

All right. Yep.

Great.

Oh, and just another thing, just so you know, and let me preface this by saying what you do in your personal life is your business, and it's not an issue with management at all.

Ah, what is going on?

Well, Eric has become convinced that you're having a... romantic connection with Jack, and that it's yielding editorial favours.

I'm not involved with Jack, but if I was, I certainly wouldn't let it interfere with my professional judgement.

Absolutely.

And from a professional perspective, we think it would be inappropriate to even mention it.

Nonetheless, you have.

Well, we just thought you should know that the innuendo is percolating.

With Eric or the whole office?

I believe the whole office. Yeah.

Alice: Putting them up.

Hamilton: That's cool.

Yeah.

Alice: Hopefully people will say yes, 'cause now you've told that story, I don't know if they will.

Hamilton: They will. If it comes from me.

Okay.

You know...

Okay...

You okay?

Could I ask are you two aware of any gossip circulating?

Gossip? No.

About me?

No.

Is it true?

He's lying!

I haven't heard anything.

Oh, come on! You were all over it.

No.

You were like, "I called this ages ago."

No. No. No.

"He was with her flatmate."

"Ooh, did they get to third or fourth base?"

I did not say the thing about the bases.

Alice: You did so!

I implied using a series of hand gestures and facial expressions and, you know.

But...

Although, now we're on the topic, I am quite keen to know, so if you do feel like disclosing, no pressure, no judgement coming from this side of the fence at all.

If you feel like it.

I have two competition winners who need wheelchair access about to arrive, and four radio phoners...

I need 10 minutes.

Lily, we don't have time for this.

This is so childish.

I agree.

I thought you should be aware.

Did you say something to someone?

Absolutely not.

Neither did I.

Are you sure?

Yes! I'm certain.

Maybe someone... intuited it?

Ah, I don't think so. You barely talk to me.

I can barely get hold of you anymore.

Well, when you do see me, you're a little cold.

You hardly make eye contact with me.

I'm trying to stay professional.

So am I.

With you, it comes across a little angry.

With you, it comes across a lot arrogant.

Look, this is completely irrelevant.

Neither of us have done anything wrong.

(SIGHS)

Yep, you're right.

Eric: I spend a lot of money on quality spray tanning, and I...

Hello, Eric.

I'll be with you in two shakes.

Oh, we need to talk now.

Can I leave that with you?

Good man.

I've just seen Craig.

He mentioned you had some concerns.

Yes, um, quite frankly, er, my concerns, Lily, are for you.

For me?

Yes.

I hope I'm not talking out of school here, but I'm worried you're being taken advantage of both professionally and... sexually.

You are speaking out of school.

Can we not fight?

Have you ever heard the expression "cockstruck"?

I'm just... I'm processing so many layers of offence right now.

Listen, it happens to us all.

Well, of course, in my case, it wouldn't so much be cockstruck as...

Eric, why don't you leave my personal life aside, all right?

Craig said you feel sidelined.

We have a "cooking guy" who's now doing a lifestyle segment, a Hot Seat segment, a health segment...

Because Jack is talented and popular, and hugely important to the network.

The show is hugely important to the network, Lily.

And in the interests of the show, I'm telling you, it's him or me.

Oh, come, let's hug.

I could not be less interested in hugging you right now.

Fine.

But if you don't deal with this sometime today, upstairs will have my resignation by 9 am tomorrow.

You should consider yourself lucky, Meredith wanted you to recite poetry.

(GRUNTS) What's it called?

A baby shower.

Baby shower.

Yeah.

Isn't that a lady thing?

Yes.

But parents today try and do things a bit more gender-neutral.

Gender neutered?

Neutral.

See, I don't even know what that bloody means.

It means you don't raise your kids to follow the same crappy old gender roles.

Oh, right. Toilet training's gonna be a shitload of fun then, isn't it?

Nothing here. These are just old footy albums, Dad.

Oh, well, ah, they might have accidentally got turfed.

All my baby photos?

I may.

Honestly! Pete.

You know this won't make a speck of difference when the baby comes...

Look, will you just lay off the criticism, all right, Dad?

I'm not gonna be doing things your way. I plan to actually give a sh*t.

Right. All right, yeah, good on ya. Footy.

Because, you know, you had it really tough, didn't ya?

Footy fees paid for every year, holidays, free board.

I don't even know how you survived without a golden shower and gender bloody neutralisation.

Ahh! Ah-ha! Right.

That's not me, Dad, it's...

It's Cousin Brett. Yeah, that's Cousin Brett.

Mmm, thank you. I'm not creative.

Anthony: Hello!

Hey, Vince, it's Dad, mate.

Jesus, Dad! Dad!

Hey, mate, how are you? Hey!

You don't just march in.

Just thought I'd save you the trouble of, uh, getting to the door.

(CLEARS THROAT)

Hi, Anthony.

Hi!

It's nice.

Excuse me.

I, um, was gonna pick you up for a swim but I'm guessing...

I'm busy.

I can see that, yeah.

Hey, mate, is she... is she just staying here or...?

She's just staying with me, Dad.

Is she just?

Yes, she is just.

I think it's time you got to that pool.

Don't touch the fruit, please. You should go to the pool.

Dad, please, don't. There's nothing going on.

Don't make that face!

I'm so not making a face.

You are making a face!

I'm not making a face.

And do not tell Lily or Mum.

Anthony: As if I'm gonna tell your mother.

Vincent: You're already reaching for your phone!

You see, I use this for sat navs.

Okay, sat nav and phone calls to Mum.

Okay. Well, I'll be at the...

Thanks, Dad, 'bye.

Vincent: Sorry about that, Dad is...

What are you doing?

I don't want any trouble with your family.

Sim, you're not causing trouble with my family.

You're staying here as a friend, it's fine.

Lily was always worried about me hanging out with you.

She's got no reason to be worried. What, why? Why is she worried?

She was worried that I was bad for you, and, um, that I was flaky and irresponsible, and that maybe you thought that we were more than friends, so...

I'm cool with you being my friend.

My flaky, irresponsible friend.

Yeah, I... I-I can't. I can't. I'm sorry, I can't.

(PHONE RINGS AT OTHER END)

Sasha on answering machine: You've reached Sasha, Obley Productions.

Leave a message, I'll get back to you.

Sasha, um, hi.

I know I'm probably the last person you want to hear from right now, but, um, so much of my time is consumed with not talking to you and... I was just wondering if maybe we could meet up?

I just wanna talk, and, um, ap... apologise for... for everything.

Okay, thanks.

(EXHALES)

(PHONE RINGS)

Mum, yeah, hi. I'm sorry, I've seen your calls.

It's just it's a nightmare day for me.

Mimi: Darling, I know where Simone is.

Where?

(KNOCKING ON GLASS)

Is she here?

Was it Dad?

It was Mum via Dad.

It was a series of texts and calls.

No, you're too late. She left this morning.

Do you know where?

Baby. Thank God. I thought you were never gonna call.

Thanks for coming so quickly.

Vincent: Are you kidding me?

Are you seriously going back to this dickhead?

Who you calling dickhead, Hot Wheels?

Okay, okay.

I tried to tell her I had the best time ever having her in the house.

You and I sitting on the couch, watching YouTube, eating nachos.

And, yeah, Lily's probably right, I'm maybe... a bit in love with you.

But I'd rather have my heart broken than spend the rest of my life wrapped in cotton wool.

I should have never stayed here in the first place.

Lucas: That was f*cking beautiful, mate.

I'm sorry I called you Hot Wheels.

Sorry I called you dickhead.

Fair call.

If I could reverse everything, I would.

I know.

I do have Lucas's number.

No.

He puts it in my phone every time I see him. I just...

I don't know if she'd talk to me.

Oh, don't, please.

(PHONE RINGS AT OTHER END)

(LUCAS RAPS) ♪ Hear the tone, leave your deets. ♪
♪ Hear the tone and leave your deets! ♪

Message bank.

(MOODY TANGO MUSIC)

Hi! Thank you so much for coming to meet me.

Yeah, I can't stay long.

Would you like a drink?

I'll have a Scotch. Your shout.

Um...

Congratulations, by the way, I hear you're at "Late Nights" now, that's... it's a really quality show.

Yeah, it's a $50,000 a year pay cut, that's what it is.

Sasha, I'm so sorry.

Please, I don't expect you to respond or forgive me, but I really want you to know I wish I'd been more open with you.

I regret it.

And...

Now that I'm in the position you were in, I-I understand how difficult it gets.

I had no idea.

Has something happened?

Yeah.

But it's probably the last thing you wanna hear about.

Well, if it's bad, I wanna know.

Eric can't talk.

He's screwed wardrobe, make-up and at least five interns.

He even had a cr*ck at the CEO's wife last Christmas.

Only reason it didn't go further is 'cause she was pregnant with twins at the time.

I honestly don't think it had any impact on my work.

It's got nothing to do with that. It's about power.

Jack is shaping up as a future host and Eric can't handle it.

But Jack has zero interest in being a host.

If I explained that to Eric, he would chill out...

Look, in my experience, when Eric gets like that, you've just gotta fight fire with fire.

What does that mean?

You've gotta resign.

(SCOFFS)

Or thr*aten to, convincingly.

Four times in situations like this, I marched into Eric's office and I told him I was resigning.

It was always a gamble, but I knew he'd back down because there was no one to replace me.

Until you, of course.

Again, I'm so sorry.

I hope in time I'll be able to make it up to you.

Unlikely.

But you know what? I do believe you.

I believe you're sorry.

Well, we were thinking of a water birth, but then Pete was obsessed with faeces in the water.

(LAUGHTER)

No, I wouldn't say I was obsessed.

(PHONE RINGS)

Yes, you were obsessed.

Ah, excuse me.

Hey.

Hi.

I'm ringing you on zero sleep and six coffees to let you know I might actually make the baby shower because I may be about to quit my job.

What? Why?

Meredith: Pete?

Uh... I'm in a birth class.

Oh! No, no, no. You go, that's fine.

I'll call you back, all right?

Yeah, I'll call you later. 'Bye.

'Bye.

Sorry, it was just Lily.

Nikkii: You all right, Lily?

You haven't blinked in a really long time.

Eric, it's me.

Eric: Come in!

What a morning, eh?

Yes, it is.

Eric.

Lily.

I've been giving this situation a lot of thought, and, quite frankly, I refuse to let go of someone whose only crime is being fantastic at their job.

What are you talking about?

If I don't have your trust to produce the best show possible, unfortunately, I have no choice but to stand down myself.

There's no point you resigning.

If I don't have autonomy to...

No, no, no, Jack has just resigned.

What?

Yes! Group email. It just landed.

(PHONE RINGS AT OTHER END)

Jack: Lily.

(WHISPERS) What is going on?!

Look, I was gonna discuss it with you first, but I thought best not to implicate you.

Well, I'm pretty implicated!

I don't know what to say.

Just say you won't quit!

Eric's behaviour is ridiculous...

It's not just Eric.

What is it, then?

My mind's made up.

(HANGS UP)

Oh!

So you've seen Jack's email?

Yes, I'm...

Well, we're all kind of hyperventilating out here because Jack is in nine segments this weekend!

Nine!

Yes, I'm across it, Nikkii.

Saturday was "Cooking For Vegans", Sunday, "Winter Lamb Shanks", and those were just the cooking segments.

Plus, there's "Jack Meets His Mentor", "Jack Visits Local Community Heroes/Firefighters" and "Jack's Storage Solutions".

I didn't approve "Jack Goes Swimming".

Wasn't fully conceptualised, more just a visual idea.

Lily: "Jack and Native Australian Animals"?

Alice's idea. And, personally, I think it would have gone viral.

It was a collaboration.

Look, this has just happened.

I don't think we need to gut the entire show.

If we lose Jack, we're gonna need to find a truckload of content.

I'm in control of this show, Nikkii.

Really?

Because it doesn't look like it.

(SCOFFS)

Craig: Ah, Lily? You've seen it?

Yes, and, uh...

Marketing's about to push the button on another outdoor ad campaign.

$750,000, all focussed on Jack.

I know. I'm gonna go see Jack now.

And I'm confident that I can get him back on board.

I'll update you as soon as I have.

Nikkii, you can spend one hour brainstorming ideas for replacement segments, but you wait for my call, is that clear?

She is in total meltdown.

I think she's okay.

She's worn the same shoes three days in a row.

And have you seen the state of her nails?

It's chip city over there.

Don't pretend you haven't noticed.

Answering machine: Hi, this is Lily Woodward.

Please leave a message after the tone.

(BEEP)

Hey. We're out.

I hope you're okay. Call me, call me.

Pete, stairs are this way.

Man: That was very nice.

Pete, I'm gonna ask something and I just want your honest response.

Yeah?

Are you in love with Lily?

What?

Are you?

No... No!

No, of course not. No, don't say that.

It's okay if you are. I just want you to be honest.

It wouldn't be okay. We're about to have a baby together.

It wouldn't be okay for me to be in love with another woman.

Well, if either of us had strong feelings for another man or a woman, I'd just want us to be... just to be honest, you know.

Wouldn't you?

No.

I'd want us to sort it out and pretend like everything was normal, like normal people do, not that that's what I'm doing now.

Personally, I think that approach would lead to stomach cancer.

How did we make the leap to stomach cancer?

It's what I believe.

Can we stop talking about this, please?

Why? Why are you avoiding it?

When you say things like this, it makes me feel like you can't be that in love with me.

Why?

Because if you loved me, then you wouldn't be that okay with me being in love with another woman.

Is that your definition of love?

I think that's the standard definition of love, yeah.

Well, I think love is truth.

And you know what? You hardly ever tell me that you love me.

Oh, my God, we've entered some kind of vortex of hell here.

You can't even say it now.

Let's just wipe this conversation from the record, pretend it never happened.

No, we can't, because I think if you don't deal with this now, then...

What? What? We'll get foot cancer?

Uh... (SIGHS)

(KNOCKING ON DOOR)

Lil, if you've come here...

Don't quit, please.

Please don't quit.

I'm hugely grateful for the experience, you know that, and the exposure, but I think it's time to move on.

But you haven't even been with the show a year, and we're still figuring out new things you can do every day.

You could host your own show one day, one day very soon.

I don't want that.

And if you think I do, then you don't really know me.

If you leave, it will validate all of Eric's bad behaviour.

It's not just Eric.

What is it, then?

I can't work with you anymore.

That stuns me because I thought you were happy with the job I was doing.

I was.

(SIGHS)

Well, what is it, then?

Lily... I wanted a different relationship with you, and I haven't found it easy working with you when I feel so strongly about you.

I don't know what to say.

There's nothing to say.

I have feelings for you too, but...

But you put them aside.

Then they're not the same as mine.

Look, I'll do this weekend's shows, of course, but after that...

After that can... can we just see where we are and talk?

Hey. Had a fight with Meredith, might need to stay the night.

Don't wanna talk about it.

Is this your new hipster approach to parenting?

Oh, just don't, Dad.

No, don't... You just don't!

This isn't some motel where you can come and go as you please!

I'm sick of you. I'm sick of your mother!

What are you talking about, Dad? What's Mum got to do with it?

(GULPS) Um... I... Just go inside.

(TV PLAYS)

Uh, mate, there's someone here to see you, a fella.

Who?

Said his name was Mitchell.

That's Meredith's ex, Dad, I've told you about him.

Really?

Yeah, like, a dozen times.

Don't let him in, just tell him...

Yeah, hi.

(MUTTERS)

Mitchell. (CLEARS THROAT) What are you doing here?

Look, I heard a bit about what happened.

Yeah, I bet you did.

And I just thought that... that I could be a good sounding board.

You are possibly the worst sounding board I can think of, in existence.

I would rather take relationship advice from Kim Jong-il.

Meredith's ex?

And godfather to your grandchild.

Really?

Mmm.

How the hell did that come about?

I've told you a million times.

Dad, can you just give us some space?

Look, I just wanted to tell you... that I've been where you are with Meredith.

I've known her for 20 years.

Yeah. And half of that time you were sleeping with her.

(IVAN LAUGHS)

About two years into our relationship, Meredith said that she wanted to have a very honest conversation, just like the one you've had with her now, and she told me that she had feelings for a woman.

Yeah, I'm sitting in on this.

And I reacted like you, I thought, "You can't say something like that. That'll drive a wedge between us."

But the thing is, she was right, the honesty really bound us...

Look, mate, I really don't...

Oh, hey.

Did she sleep with a woman?

Dad!

Did she?

No.

Once she'd expressed the truth, it was released.

Mate, I'm not interested in anything you have to say, all right?

You've been after Meredith for months, we both know it.

Genuinely, all I want is for the three of us to come together, unified, for the baby shower...

There is no "three of us".

And as of right now, there's no baby shower.

I'm calling it off.

(SIGHS)

Thanks.

(PHONE CHIMES)

(TYPES)

I do pay attention, mate, it's just that sometimes...

I don't know, it's just not there.

If you just put in some effort, Dad.

This is the guy that tried to give us $30,000.

(PHONE RINGS)

(SIGHS)

Pete, hi, it's me, um, I just...

I got your message about the baby shower being cancelled.

What... what's going on? Are you... are you okay?

Call me back.

Answering machine: Hey, this is Pete, leave a message.

Please, please pick up. Please.

I know I've been a sh*t friend recently, but you can't drop a b*mb like that and then just not answer the phone.

You know that I'm gonna keep calling. Call me.

Pete: Leave a message.

♪ Caaaaaaaaaaall me! ♪

Lily! Lily! L-I-L-Y.

I can't think of a rhyme, but call me, please!

♪ Caaaaaaaall me! ♪

I'm off to a gig, Dad. I'll see you later.

(PHONE RINGS)

I'm just... I have to go out, just for an hour.

I'll be... I'll be back. Hour tops.

I told you. Total meltdown.

(KNOCK AT DOOR)

Oh. Lily.

Hi.

Hi.

Um, is-is Pete home?

No. I think he's at his dad's place.

Oh, okay. I got a message about the baby shower. Is everything okay?

Yeah, come in.

Sorry. Thanks.

Could you just shut the door?

I'll just... Yeah.

Well... It's quite nifty, isn't it?

Um, you two didn't break up or anything, did you?

(CHUCKLES TEARILY) No. No.

Well, I don't think so.

You don't think so?

No, no. Well, Pete just got agitated over something that I said.

Okay. A-about what?

About you.

Look, I probably should let him tell you because, you know, he has a different perspective on it, so...

And what's that?

Well, I asked him if he was in love with you.

Oh... I don't... No. No, he's not.

No. No.

He's not.

Well, it wasn't an accusation, it was... it was just an observation.

No.

I promise you, Pete and I, it's like a... it's a brother-sister thing.

And we annoy the hell out of each other most of the time, a lot of the time.

And sometimes, he actually annoys me to the point that I'm physically repulsed.

He's made me sick on two occasions...

Lily... from repulsing me so much.

You don't see the effect that you have on Pete, even when you're not there.

If you guys have an argument, he can't switch off.

He's arguing with you in his head for the rest of the night.

And if there's something going on for you, he's on the phone just waiting to hear from you That's just friends. That's friends.

No. And sometimes, I see him laughing at something, and I'll ask him, "Hey! Hey, what's funny?"

And he'll say, "Nothing," but...

I know it's you, because no one makes him laugh like you do.

But you should see the way he goes on about you.

He talks about you constantly.

And you should have seen how jealous he was of Mitchell.

He was psychotic! He was.

(GASPS)

For two people who talk so much, I just feel like you guys don't tell each other the truth.

(MEREDITH BREATHES DEEPLY)

Lily?

Can you just take a note of the time?

Uh, yeah. Sorry, why?

I think I might be in labour. (GROANS)

("ME AND YOU" BY FIN DE SIECLE PLAYS)

♪ Me and you just singing on the train ♪
♪ Me and you, listen to the rain ♪

(PHONE RINGS)

♪ Me and you, we are the same ♪
♪ Me and you, have all the fame ♪
♪ We need, indeed ♪
♪ You and me are we ♪

(PHONE RINGS, FOOTBALL PLAYS ON TV)

(WHIMPERS)

(PHONE RINGS)

God!

(WHIMPERS)

God!

(CLATTERING)

Hello?

Ivan, Ivan.

Is Pete there?

Ah, no, he's gone out.

Do you know where?

Uh, no, he's, uh...

Uh... No, it escapes me.

Kick it, ya bloody idiot! Kick it!

Ivan. Ivan, Meredith is in labour.

Jesus, really?

She's had four contractions that we've counted, we've called the birthing centre, but I can't get a hold of Pete and he's not answering.

(SIGHS) He told me. He told me.

No, I can't remember the bloody name!

Was it a place? A thing?

A person?

A band.

He's at a gig.

Okay, great.

(PHONE RINGS)

Oh! Uh, uh!

I had a picture of you in my mind not two minutes before you called, Miss Lily.

Isn't that amazing?

Bernard, is Pete with you?

Ohh. It's always about Pete, isn't it?

His partner, Meredith, is in labour.

Oh, sh*t!

I can't get through to him, and his dad said he was at a gig, but he didn't know which one.

(MEREDITH GROANS)

Can you please call Pete and tell him we're going to the birthing centre?

Find him. (HANGS UP)

Absolutely. Yeah.

All right. (LAUGHS)

(GROANS)

A-a-are you...

Yeah. Yeah, it's all right.

Lily: Yeah. Okay.

Um, hello. Hi. Hi. Hi, we called. We called ahead.

Oh, Meredith?

Yes.

Okay, Meredith, you're gonna be in Room 502.

Have you been timing your contractions?

Yes, we have, and they're down to about six minutes apart.

You think you'll be okay to get there on your own, or would you like the wheelchair?

No, no, I can walk.

Are you sure?

Mmmm.

And you're...?

I'm just a friend.

She's the baby's godmother.

Oh, great. Here to help.

Yep.

Okay.

Oh!

(STUTTERS) Ah, do you want me to get the chair?

No, no, no. Just give me a minute. (BREATHES DEEPLY)

Oh! (LAUGHS)

It's okay, I'm fine.

Okay.

Oh!

(BOTH LAUGH)

Know what's funny?

Yeah?

(SNIFFS) Oh, the first time that we met, I had this feeling that we were gonna be part of each other's lives, but I didn't think that we would be... (LAUGHS AND SOBS)

(LAUGHS) No, neither did I.

I didn't think we'd be here...

No, I... It is very funny. in a corridor, with me about to have a baby!

Oh, no. (TRILLS) Ohhh.

Neither did I.

Oh, Lily, I'm really glad you're here.

Me too.

Mmm.

Lifts?

Yeah.

Okay.

(MUSIC PLAYS)

(PANTS)

Woman: Hi, Bernard.

Hey, Dingo.

Pete! Pete!

(MUSIC BLARES)

Excuse me. It's an emergency.

Pete.

Hey.

Meredith's in labour!

What?

(MUSIC STOPS)

Meredith's having the baby!

You're gonna be a dad!

(LIVELY MUSIC)

Hold that.

Pete! Sorry. Pete!

Uh...

Hey, should we go halves in that Uber?

Uh, can we talk about this later?

Yeah, definitely.

502, that's the room.

Hey... Yeah, I'm so sorry. I was at a gig. Are you all right?

Meredith: My back is k*lling me. (GROANS)

They said she's only three centimetres dilated, so there's plenty of time.

Okay.

She's doing really well.

Great. Thanks.

I'm glad you're here.

I really need you.

That's okay.

Keep rubbing my back. (GROANS)

(PHONE RINGS)

Pete: Lower?

Meredith: Yeah, that's good.

(PHONE RINGS)

Craig. Hi. Jack is definitely going to be there, he's promised me.

Well, meet me after the show, we're gonna have to talk about his future involvement.

I think... I think I can get him there, but..

I can't guarantee it, but I'm very confident.

Okay. 'Bye.

Hello. (CHUCKLES)

Bernard!

Hi. Um, look, thank you so much for finding Pete.

Yeah, special job for a special man.

(SIGHS) God! Would actually make a beautiful story, wouldn't it?

What?

(SNORTS) Of how we met?

But it isn't how we met.

Yeah, obviously not, but we could tell people it was!

Why would we do that?

(LAUGHS) I don't know.

Hey, Lily, thank you so much.

Well, I think this officially makes us shoo-ins for godparents.

Am I right?

Probably not.

But thanks, mate.

No, of course.

I'm just gonna steal Lily.

Great idea.

Hey, we had a fight. I'm so sorry. I should've taken your call.

I should've known.

Okay. Hey, hey, you're here.

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

She's fine. We are all good.

Yeah?

Yeah.

Will you come back in? She said she still wants you here.

Are you sure? Me?

She said you've got an energy that she needs at the moment.

Is there something wrong with your energy?

Yeah, probably, yeah. A chakra thing. I don't know. Please?

You're gonna be a dad, Pete, you really are.

I know.

Are you with Jack?

No.

Do you want to be?

I don't know.

In The Wrong Girl season finale...

Come with me, see if there's anything between us.

Is Jack Lily's Mister Right?

Jack's asked me to go away with him.

You're not gonna go, are you?

Or is Pete her Mister Right?

I'm in love with you.

It's the decision we've been waiting for...

I have an announcement to make...

The must-see Wrong Girl season finale, 8:30 next Wednesday.