04x01 - Chapter Sixty-Five

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, friends, you remember our Jane.

Accidentally artificially inseminated.

Torn between Rafael, her baby's father, and Michael, her fiancé.

And she chose Michael.

I always recommend couples write a letter to each other before the wedding to read later when times get tougher.

Whoa.

Oh, look at this.

It's like the best hiding spot ever.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And then, the worst thing happened.

And Michael died.

And nearly four years later, Jane was finally open to love again, with one difference.

Not really feeling as full of "meant to be" these days.

Maybe re-read Michael's letter.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And so, she ran to their old apartment, and, yeah, it wasn't there.

But still, all was not lost on the love front.

See?

Jane's parents were finally getting married,

- despite a little hiccup.

- It's your dad's.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, and speaking of baby mamas, Rafael and Petra got back together, but Petra pulled away, because she thought there was still something between Rafael and Jane.

And here's a secret, friends: Jane did have feelings for Rafael, but before I get there, Rafael's sister Luisa had a powwow with Petra's sister Anezka, which didn't turn out great for Rafael.

Everything is mine.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And back to Jane's feelings.

She was on her way to tell Rafael when...

Jane.

A couple from your old apartment got in touch with the tenant from before them.

Something about a floorboard?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brought her back to her first love.

- MAN: Jane.

- JANE: Adam?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, and one last thing, friends.

Remember Jane's adorable son?

Well, he's still adorable, but now he looks like this:

What can I say?

In novellas, you must be prepared for change after all.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: When Adam Eduardo Alvaro was years old, he found a love letter in a floorboard that altered the course of his life.

It wasn't even written to him.

It was written to someone named Jane.

[BELL RINGS]

But, oh, how it spoke to him, in terms of what love should feel like.

And so he finally broke up with Heather, even though he tattooed her name on his arm.

And he kept the letter in his wallet because, well, you know Adam.

He did those kinds of things.

- _ - But imagine his surprise when he found out that Jane was his Jane.

Wait, what was her last name?

Villanueva. Jane Villanueva.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Yes, friends, that Jane, as in the girl he'd almost married when he was .

So, can you blame him for thinking that was a sign?

And, you know, our Adam loved signs.

_ [RECORD SCRATCHES]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Friends, hello.

I'm so sorry.

I don't know what happened.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: I'm introducing Adam.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Shh.

Not yet.

Ah, let's begin again, shall we?

When Jane saw Adam again after eight years, he had brought Michael's letter.

Plus, cranes were flying.

So, can you blame Jane for believing this was meant to be?

- Or Adam?

- But this is about Jane. - There were fewer cranes, honestly.

- I don't care. I can't believe you lived in that apartment.

And that the tenants called you.

I thought they thought I was crazy.

Oh, yeah, they definitely thought that you were crazy.

[LAUGHS] So, I guess we found our way back after all.

[RECORD SCRATCHES]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Friends, I'm so sorry again.

This is confusing.

The problem is, I didn't start from the beginning because I was thrown.

All right, last time.

As you know, Jane Gloriana Villanueva, grew up dreaming about telenovela love.

But she didn't think it could happen to her until she was years old.

His name is Adam and he's kind of artistic.

And once our Jane fell...

well, she fell fast.

- So...

- Very fast. Adam just got into NYU's Studio Art program.

It's so prestigious.

He didn't think he was gonna get in, but I knew he would 'cause he's so talented.

- Keep going, babe.

- Sorry, babe.

Right.

Anyway, uh, he asked me to go with him, and I started going on about how it's not practical, and I couldn't afford it, and I wasn't gonna live with somebody that I wasn't married to, and that's when I saw he was down on one knee.

We're engaged!

- What the hell are you talking about?

- Mom, Abuela, wait.

- No, you are way too young.

- I am over .

ADAM: Okay, hold up.

You can't talk to my fiancé that way.

JANE: Abuela, enough.

I'm getting married next week and you are going to be there because you are family and family shows up.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And for the record, they did show up.

- [DOORBELL RINGS] - Unfortunately...

And I just think that everyone's right.

We're not ready.

[ECHOING]: And I know you don't want to live together...

...moving to a new city.

...too hard.

...um, clean break, just...

[QUIETLY]: But...

I love you.

I love you, too, so much.

I don't know.

Who knows?

Maybe we'll make our way back to each other.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And friends, Jane knew it couldn't end this way.

Remember, this was true love.

- Telenovela love. - ADAM: Babe.

You got to let go of the bike.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And yet, it did end that way.

Until, of course, now.

I'd love to catch up, but you probably have somewhere to be in that giant purple dress.

It's lavender.

- Oh.

- [LAUGHS]

- Sorry.

- And the wedding's over.

Let's catch up.

- So, who got married?

- My mom to my dad.

ADAM: Whoa, whoa, whoa, back up.

- You found your pops?

- Mm-hmm.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us to her pops...

- [GASPS] - ...who had, indeed, married her mom...

- What?

- Darci just announced the pregnancy.

...after discovering he was going to be a pops again.

_ She's making it seem like I turned my back on my child.

- [GASPS] - No!

Do not escalate the situation.

You have an ironclad custody contract.

Isn't that what your lawyer said?

Yes, he did.

- [GROANS] - Ah, ah, ah, ah.

- You will be at the next sonogram - [ELEVATOR BELL DINGS] because you have legal rights.

Now, let's turn off our phones because we just got married and tonight's about us.

- I love you, Mrs. de la Vega.

- I love you, too, Mr. de la Vega.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

- Babe Adam?

- _ Who is Babe Adam?

- A comic book artist.

- Hmm.

Or graphic novels if I'm trying to impress you, which-which I am, so let's go with that.

I'm impressed.

You're actually making a living as an artist.

"Making a living" in a loose definition.

[CHUCKLES]

So, are you a teacher, per the whole ten-year life plan?

Nope.

I actually decided that I wanted to be...

A crazy person, both of you.

You can't spy on them.

Keep your voice down.

The babysitter said Mateo just got to sleep.

Seriously.

I mean, how bad could this guy be?

- JANE: "Heathen." - Covering an ex's name.

You must've had a lot of exes.

- [LAUGHS]: No.

- [LAUGHS]

No, these, um, they mark mostly important moments in my life, you know?

- Oh wait, are you still into astrology?

- Oh yeah.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Seriously? A bad boy into astrology?

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: It has to do with his sister who died of cancer. Dick.

- So, how's the family? Abuela?

- Great.

So supportive.

Well, it's definitely him.

Who cares?

Jane has a good head on her shoulders.

- [GIGGLES] - That smile, though.

I'm sorry, what were we talking about?

I was asking about your original comic, or graphic novel because I'm impressed.

Right.

I know the story.

I've drawn it.

I just need the words now.

After you've drawn it?

Yeah, for me...

the words are the extra part.

What?

No.

Words are everything.

They're how you get to know a character.

Well, no, that's through their actions.

How they feel, what they want.

You don't know what I want?

[GASPS] Oh, my God, she's taking off her dress.

I think they're going skinny-dipping.

- ROGELIO: Now?!

- Oh, Jane can take care of herself.

- Xiomara!

Don't worry.

I'll save Mommy.

- [GASPS] - No, no!

Matelio!

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Matelio!

Matelio!

Impressive.

You would not skinny-dip at .

I told you I've changed.

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

[GASPS]

I guess we found our way back to each other.

MATEO: Don't worry, Mommy!

- I'm here to save you!

- [GASPS] - Mommy, Mommy, don't you worry!

- XIOMARA: Sorry!

Matelio!

Matelio!

Oh, Matelio.

Oh.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: And, friends, maybe Adam should've run then and there...

- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: But he didn't. - Adam!

The tide went out.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: So, yes, Adam came home soaking wet.

Thankfully, his roommates were away.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Ugh, you again?

Sorry about that.

...crazy that you were spying on me in the first place!

- I know, and I'm really sorry.

_ Having fun.

Sweetie, I love that, but I'm just a little confused, because two hours ago, you were about to tell Rafael that you had feelings for him.

- You want to be with Rafael?!

- Shh.

- I didn't say that.

- ROGELIO Well this is a lot to take in.

- I mean, I'm not sure how I feel.

No!

Case not closed.

Case none of your business.

Got it?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I guess she don't got it.

[WHISPERS]: Shh.

Right here.

- LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Ooh, la-la!

- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I know, right?

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: But did he hear about her feelings?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Not sure.

Be quiet.

- What are you doing here?

- Oh, Luisa kicked me out of the hotel and froze all my money, and I can't find my phone.

- Hey, buddy.

- MATEO: Guess what?

Mommy went swimming naked in the ocean, and Bisa and I saved her from stranger danger.

- Okay.

[LAUGHS] Can you put him to bed?

- Mm-hmm.

So, what happened with Luisa?

She found out that I lied about my cancer relapse.

What-what feelings?

Just...

romantic ones.

Well, but I-I didn't know where they were coming from, or what they meant, which is why I didn't say anything.

Maybe I was just jealous that you were dating Petra.

Oh my God.

Petra, she said that you had feelings for me, but I called her delusional.

I need to, I need to apologize.

Can I, can I use your phone?

Yes, of course.

Jane, wait.

♪ ♪ You have a text.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, speaking of Adam...

- No worries.

I'm gonna make the deadline.

Yeah, I'm drawing the big fight scene right now.

[DINGS] LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Yup.

He's pretty whipped.

I just hope she's worth it.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Trust me, Jane is a very special person!

Mateo, this is the last time I'm saying it.

- [WATER RUNNING]

- Put your shoes on!

What is it?

What's the matter?

_ No, that's just a rich person thing.

He doesn't realize that we have one bathroom and water bills.

Mm-hmm.

I don't want to discuss it.

[LAUGHS]

We spoke briefly, but then he had to call Petra back and apologize for not trusting her.

And she won't even call him back because of me.

Huh?

Oh, honestly, the whole thing's a mess.

Hang on.

[MAN SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]

Shoot.

That was Mateo's dojo.

Rafael's credit card is on autopay, and it was denied.

Guess we are taking a break from karate.

MATEO: I don't want to take a break from karate.

Well, we're gonna have to, Mr. Sweetface.

It costs a lot of money and right now we want to save.

Shoes on.

Just tell Daddy to go to the bank and get some more.

- Mateo, I don't like your attitude.

- I'm going.

- No, you're not.

- Am, too!

Am, too!

[YELLING] You stop that!

You stop that right this minute!

- [SCREAMS] No!

- Hey, what's going on?

- Mommy said we have no money.

- Wait, what?

- No, I did not say that.

- MATEO: Yes, you did.

You said that's why we can't go to karate.

Okay, hey, calm down, all right?

There is plenty of money.

Okay?

Go get ready.

I obviously didn't say that.

And clearly, he's way too spoiled.

I just don't think we should be talking to him about money.

- Period.

He's way too young.

- [RINGTONE PLAYS]

Hello?

This is Jane Villanueva.

Oh, my God.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us to...

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: I'm sorry, who is this rando?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Petra, I think.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: What do you mean, "you think"?

Look, it's a long story, but she's a twin and they often do this thing where they switch places.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: How important can she be if you're not even sure who she is?

Petra, thank God.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: See?

It's Petra.

Now, shh.

Are you okay?

Well, Anezka lured me out to the dock last night and tried to kill me, but, yeah, other than that, I'm perfect.

Wait, I don't understand.

Lured you how?

She stole your phone and texted me.

Thought there was a business emergency.

And when I got out there, she had a gun.

[PHONE CHIMES]

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Okay, well, she's not gonna check that.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: She's a ding-dong.

Now pay attention.

This is important.

_ [BOTH SHOUTING]

No!

There was blood everywhere and the current was so strong.

- Mrs. Solano?

- Yes?

We've got boats heading out to see if we can find your sister, but it doesn't look good.

Let's just hope she's dead.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Wow, this lady is a real charmer.

Back to Adam...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: No, not yet.

Can I borrow your phone to check my messages?

- Oh, of course.

- Thank you.

[ENGINE STARTS]

RAFAEL [OVER SPEAKERS]: And I just wanted to talk to you, but not over a voice mail, obviously.

Call me.

Oh, let me just turn off the Bluetooth.

Hey, Petra, it's Jane.

Raf said you haven't called back and I know you're mad.

- Shoot.

Let me...

- ...and you should be, but not at him.

It's my fault completely.

I denied that I had feelings for Rafael and you were right, I did.

And maybe it was just jealousy or lust or...

Well, you can just listen to that later.

[PHONE BEEPS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

I'm sorry, I was just trying to make it better.

You don't have to make it better.

- I just thought that I could help.

- I don't need either of you to help.

- I'm so sick of this whole thing.

- There's no thing.

No, no thing.

Nothing at all.

I actually have a date tonight.

So, you're telling me you're % over Rafael?

Well...

% is a big number.

- [SCOFFS] - Uh, but I don't want to be with him and he doesn't want to be with me, Petra.

He wants to be with you.

- Oh.

- Jane.

We all know deep down he'll always still have feelings for you.

- Petra.

- Or maybe you don't.

You know what?

Who cares?

The point is, my feelings clicked off the moment you believed her over me.

Now can we go home?

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

Petra!

Finally!

I've been looking for you.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Whoa, who's the lady with the crazy eyes?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Rafael's sister, Luisa.

Well, here I am.

How can I help you?

The voice is great.

Just the right level of holier-than-thou.

Just clean yourself up.

Petra wouldn't wear sweats.

- Well, I-I was about to change.

- Good.

Is it done?

Is Petra in the storage locker?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, my God, quick, Petra, do the accent.

[IMITATING ANEZKA]: Yes.

Of course.

Petra is in the storage locker, just like we planned.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Everyone is the hero in their own story.

And Rafael's story?

Well, for the longest time, it had to do with Jane.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Wait, what's with the slow-motion push?

[GASPS] Is what's-her-face, right?

- Does he actually still love her?

- [PHONE RINGING]

- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Shh!

- LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Please be Adam.

It's Petra, for you.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Ugh.

So, we have a problem.

Your sister was going to put me in a storage unit.

- It's not the worst idea.

- What?

Just long enough for Anezka to impersonate me and sign the papers to sell the Marbella.

But, here's the thing.

She thinks I'm Anezka.

So, I had an idea.

Okay, fine.

What's your idea?

But if it's hiring someone to put this together, the answer is no.

Fine.

We'll soldier on then.

You know, you do look very manly holding that hammer.

Oh, yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

- You like that?

[GIGGLES]

[PHONE CHIMES]

[GASPS]

- Darci's going live on Instagram.

- Maybe don't...

DARCI: Hi, Factor fans.

It's Darci and boo-boo. We are coming to you live from Dr. Ghazali's where I'm about to see my sweet girl's face for the first time in D.

She knows I'm supposed to be there.

Ro, stop.

Don't do anything rash, okay?

Just call your lawyer and let him know what's going on.

You're right.

Fine.

I'll do that.

Maybe I'll just take a walk first, just to cool off a little bit.

Look how much money I got, Mommy!

What?

Where did you get this from?

My friends.

I just told them we were poor and they wanted to help.

I'll be right beack.

Mrs. Taub?

Hi there.

Mrs. Conway.

Hello to you, too.

Just wanted to return some money.

Apparently, Mateo was running around saying that we're poor and his friends wanted to help.

Why would he say that?

Um, honestly, there-there are some financial struggles at home.

I guess he picked up on it.

I'll e-mail the parents.

And if you're not going to come back, you should let us know.

- Hmm?

- The financial trouble.

Tuition is due in full by the end of the summer and we do have a long waiting list.

Let me get back to you.

There's no way we're going back to that school.

Honestly, that was the last straw.

There's no concern, no empathy, just, "Do you have the money or not?"

Forget that it was offensive.

But that is just not the environment I want Mateo to be in.

I say we take this opportunity and make a change.

And just...

Jane, can we just talk about this later?

I have a lot on my mind right now.

Oh, of course.

I'm sorry.

Of course.

Okay.

Bye.

XIOMARA: Everything okay with you two?

Oh, yeah.

He's just stressed.

All good.

Trying to get back to normal.

And I have a date tonight with Adam.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Ah, yes, speaking of the dashing Adam...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And a dash of Adam is all you get.

And you're % sure that's all you want with Rafael, friendship?

Why is everybody obsessed with %?

I mean, who's % sure about anything?

Look, I told him that I thought I had feelings for him, but it was probably just because I was jealous.

- And he didn't respond.

- How romantic.

- Ma.

- Why are you hedging everything?

Because there is so much at stake.

We're co-parents and whatever we do affects so many people.

And it's not like he's made any moves.

Maybe you're not paying attention to the cues.

[PHONE CHIMES] Why is your dad going live on Instagram?

And since I am the loving father of this child, [CHUCKLES] I have very clear rights.

I am here at the sonogram.

And, Darci, I demand to be a part of this experience.

- [DARCI GASPS]

- [BOTH GASP]

Wow, Dad just put Darci's v*g1n* on Instagram.

I can't believe you broadcast my cervix to the entire world.

It was an accident.

And it wasn't the whole world.

Only million people watch my feed.

Oh, well, .

million.

Wow.

You're getting a lot of likes.

[LAUGHS]

Why are you laughing?

Because this went better than I could've imagined.

I knew eventually you would do something stupid and violate the terms of our contract.

Did you read the fine print?

It protects my "reasonable expectation" of privacy.

I figured my lawyers would have to build a case slowly, but revenge p0rn?

You've outdone yourself.

You were baiting me?

My cervix all over the Internet is a small price to pay for a lifetime of not having you in our child's life.

[EXHALES]

[PHONE CHIMES]

Oh, wow.

I just have, I have that thing tonight, that date.

Right.

Stranger danger guy.

[CLICKS TONGUE]

You know, let's-let's just talk later.

Are you sure?

Yeah.

You know, just, um, enjoy your night.

- Oh, boy, Mommy looks beautiful.

- [CHUCKLES] Yeah.

She really does.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Man, maybe she should cancel the date with Adam.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, my God.

You have no idea what Adam has planned.

Which brings us here, to the roof of his loft, a perfect date spot.

Go, Adam.

I thought we could eat outside.

I cooked.

You cook?

Uh, well, grilled cheese.

One third white cheddar, one third yellow cheddar, one third American.

Right?

Mmm.

Come on, I wasn't gonna mess this up.

Oh, my -year-old self is freaking out right now.

- [LAUGHS]: Yeah?

- Mm-hmm.

And, uh, what about your -year-old self?

Well, she's taking everything in, playing it cool.

- Ah.

- Mm-hmm.

Well, allow me to show you my inflatable living room.

Oh.

Do you still play guitar?

Oh, no.

No, that's my roommate's.

And I'm-I'm so sorry for making you listen to me back then.

It's been brought to my attention that I suck.

Well, I loved that one song you wrote.

Do you remember it?

-year-old Jane is making me work.

Hmm.

[ROMANTIC LOVE CUE PLAYING]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, my God, he wrote her love cue?

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: That's his love cue.

Wait, where are we going?

Ugh, are you serious?

You're interrupting the date for what's-her-face walking through a hallway with papers?

Please, tell me you have some good news.

We got an offer for the hotel.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Wait, what?

They're working together?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: It's Petra playing Anezka playing Petra.

I told you they do this.

Now, it's million less than we wanted, but it's an all-cash offer.

[IMITATING ANEZKA]: I had Krishna investigate company and cash is real.

Here is offer.

million under is a big discount.

But you say you want all cash.

Why?

If you don't mind me asking you?

- Had some expenses that came up.

- Oh.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Expenses?

Like what? LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Will you slow your roll?

- I was about to flash back to...

- [BOTH LAUGHING]

...Luisa and her lover, the recently jailed crime lord known as Sin Rostro.

By the way, if I ever get caught, I need you to deposit $ million into my account here in the Caymans.

- That'll initiate my escape protocol.

- Mm.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Wow, I like these two.

They seem straight out of a comic book, which brings us back to...

Oh, yeah.

I totally see it.

[STIFLED LAUGH] Really "yeah"?

Or "yeah" like you used to say when you couldn't see anything?

I can't see anything.

[LAUGHS] Okay, we're gonna make this happen tonight, okay?

Just watch my finger.

You follow the curve of the Big Dipper.

Takes you down to Arcturus, and that takes you right to Spica.

There's Virgo.

Yeah.

Okay.

I think.


[STIFLED LAUGH] That is not good enough.

I want %.

- LATINO NARRATOR: Oh, geez.

- LATINA NARRATOR: Bad choice of words.

Okay, let's try this.

What's the brightest star you see in the sky?

- That one.

- ADAM: Yes.

That's Spica.

That's-that's the brightest star in the Virgo constellation that you are now most definitely looking at.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: See?

Adam's got this. The stars are aligning for these two.

Wait, why are you being so quiet?

You always have something to say.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, the stars are definitely aligning.

- But... - _

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Oh, come on.

You've got to be kidding me.

Ah, yes, where were we?

Ah, stop.

You know exactly where we were.

You okay?

Uh-oh.

Sorry.

It's-it's not you.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Obviously.

Adam's amazing.

I just...

right before I saw you, I was on my way to tell my son's father

- that I had feelings for him.

- Oh.

And now, I'm not % sure how he feels...

or how I feel.

Well, you should take care of that.

I'm really sorry.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: You should be.

It's all good.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: No, not all good.

You are making a huge mistake.

Yes!

I found it!

- [LAUGHS] I found it!

[LAUGHS] Okay.

What's going on, Rogelio?

I asked our editor to send me all of the raw footage of the De La Vega Factor Factor, and I've been combing through it, and look what I found.

Hey, Darci, they're asking for you. Darci?

This is just footage of an adorable puppy.

I don't understand...

[DOG WHIMPERS] Oh, my God!

Darci punched that puppy in the face!

- I know.

In her defense, she was trying to punch the P.A., but America is not going to know that.

I sent the video to Darci.

Either she abides by our baby contract or this goes directly to TMZ.

Darci Factor: Puppy Puncher.

[PHONE CHIMES]

Oh, here's her reply.

She will honor the contract and she hates me!

Yes!

- What?

- Nothing.

Good.

I-I was just thinking how Jane is being so careful with Rafael because he's Mateo's dad, you know?

Your point?

That puppy puncher, she's your baby's mom.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us back to our careful Jane.

And, friends, it's safe to say tonight, a line will be crossed.

And maybe it was the picture, or the wine, or just the fact that she was tired of being so damn careful...

Actually, who am I kidding?

It was mostly the wine.

But the point is, Jane thought about how Adam was right.

- [EXHALES]

- Less talking, more action.

♪ ♪ [SHOWER RUNNING]

- Hey.

I'm home.

- RAFAEL: Hey.

Hi.

So, uh...

I know you wanted to talk...

RAFAEL: Yes.

About Mateo's school and his trust fund.

Oh.

Right.

Okay.

What about it?

Well, I paid next year's tuition with his trust fund.

I just told you that I wanted to leave that school.

Because they made you feel bad about not being able to pay tuition so I solved that.

But the whole point was that I didn't want Mateo going back there.

And long term, things are gonna have to change.

They won't, though, 'cause I'm making a play to get the hotel back right out from under Luisa.

And the way that I'm gonna do that is also with money from Mateo's trust fund.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, that explains the nerves.

- What?

- Petra and I are borrowing from all three kids' trust funds to put together an all-cash offer to buy Luisa's shares.

What are you doing?

Fine.

I was gonna get in the shower, but I changed my mind.

Ooh, how can you take money from Mateo's trust fund?

Don't you have to consult with me?

- That's not how it works.

- Well, it should.

And what school Mateo goes to, that does need a consult.

I was just trying to get things back to the way they were.

And why were you trying to get in the shower with me?

Oh, my God.

You have been sending me all these mixed signals.

- What mixed signals?

- Who...

leaves out a glass of wine with a Post-it saying, "I'm in the shower"?

Someone who wants you to relax after a bad date, and to also know that he was in the shower.

Well, you should have written that on the Post-it.

- Plus, you left the bathroom door open.

- 'Cause your grandma told me the room gets moldy when the water runs too long.

Eh, she only said that so you wouldn't take such long showers.

And you said that you were glad that my date with Adam didn't go well.

Because Alba's been complaining that this guy's a loser.

I just thought...

What?

That the world revolves around you?

- Well, it doesn't.

- What is that supposed to mean?

I had this great thing with Petra, and you ruined it.

Are you kidding?

I didn't ruin it.

You did, by not believing the woman that you were dating.

So stop twisting everything!

- Everything?

- Yes!

You knew I didn't want Mateo to go to that school next year.

You know I don't like those people.

You mean people like me?

I mean people who care only about money, who look down on you if you don't have it.

Oh, my God!

I am done feeling guilty 'cause I don't want Mateo to have some small life where he counts pennies and doesn't get on a plane till he's years old!

You know, if Mateo grew up to say something like that, I would feel like I failed as a parent.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I did say they'd cross a line.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Friends, last night there was a terrible fight.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Only because you led me to believe Rafael was into Jane, with all the misleading push-ins and the long glances.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: I was talking about Jane and Rafael's fight.

And for the last time, I'm shaping the story.

I'm actually... glad that we fought, because now I know how totally and completely wrong we are for each other.

And can you believe that he's in the shower again?

Who showers this much?

I mean, he's gonna be the cleanest homeless man in all of Miami.

Whatever.

He'll be out of here soon.

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Delivery for Rafael Solano.

[CHUCKLES]: Uh... what is it?

All of his belongings, courtesy of Luisa Alver.

What the hell?

JANE: Your stuff.

Oh, my God.

I am so sorry.

Look, this will all be dealt with later... today.

[RAPID CHIMING]

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Which brings us to...

Luisa wants to meet Anezka in an hour to sign the paperwork.

- Tell me there's not a problem.

- I'm not here because of the Marbella.

Got my iPad back.

And my phone texts were backed up.

Anezka didn't lure you to the dock with a business emergency.

Which means that your feelings didn't just shut off when I believed Jane over you, which leads me to believe, or...

hope...

maybe that...

there's still a chance for you and me.

I don't know, I mean...

W-We don't work together.

But things will be different now... we'll...

communicate.

And I'll listen and trust you.

Because you were right.

I was all caught up in Jane's...

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Story.

...stuff, but I'm not anymore.

And I can tell you, %, that I-I don't want to be with Jane.

I want to be with you.

♪ ♪ I'll call you after I get our hotel back.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: See? Everyone's a hero.

Your dad's sorry he couldn't come over, but he's embarking on an act of heroism for the sake of his unborn daughter.

His words, obviously.

_ He went to see Darci, and he's gonna try and make peace.

- Ah.

- Well, I think that's great.

I know.

Isn't it?

- Mm-hmm.

- [LAUGHS] I'm really so happy.

[SOBS SOFTLY] Ma?

I'm sorry...

I...

I think I just..

never want to be sad around Rogelio, you know, because...

he's having a baby.

And that's a beautiful thing.

He's not here.

What's going on?

It just sucks, you know?

Because I'm supposed to be in Honolulu right now, sucking down mai tais and having honeymoon s*x, not chasing after sonograms and getting into Twitter wars.

Yeah, that totally sucks.

- Right?

- Sí­.

I guess I just want to feel a little sorry for myself.

That's totally okay.

I feel sorry for you.

Well, thanks.

And I feel sorry for you, too.

- Really?

- Yeah.

I mean, the whole shower thing?

[LAUGHS] Oh.

Right, that, too.

I thought you meant because I re-met my first love in the most magical way, and he said all the things my -year-old self just always hoped he would, and I screwed it all up.

Aw.

When you put it that way...

- We can't.

- Mm-hmm.

- So you've said.

- What?!

XIOMARA: I called him, too.

- Oh, my God!

I'm sorry, but there was no way you were getting married.

[ALL LAUGHING]

Uh-huh.

- Hmm.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: And speaking of reaching out...

[KNOCKING]

First of all, you know I meant to punch the P.A., not the puppy.

And what are you doing here?

I already said I'd honor the contract.

I know, I know.

But I want you to want to honor the contract.

What the hell are you talking about?

Our relationship, Darci.

You're the mother of my child.

I want us to get along.

So I promise, I will never insult you again.

Oh, yeah?

Well, I don't think you're handsome.

Well, you're entitled to your opinion.

You're a horrible actor.

Well, art is very s-subjective.

You are the worst lover I have ever had.

Then I hope you find someone who can fulfill your every desire.

- Is this some sick game?

- No, no.

I promise.

[GASPING BREATHS]

Okay, Darci, I know you're upset, but you don't have to do all this.

I think...

I'm in labor!

Oh!

[GRUNTING]

[GRUNTS]

[RINGTONE PLAYS]

- LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: A baby sister?

- LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Even better.

Hey.

I-I got your text.

So, did you clear things out with the other guy?

Yeah, I did.

Good.

Um...

You want to get some coffee sometime?

I'd really like that.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: And, friends, that's how Adam got back together with Jane.

_ LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: What are you doing?

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: This is how we end things.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Well, we still have stuff to do.

And he's part of our story now.

LATINA LOVER NARRATOR: Ugh.

Let me guess...

more blondie signing papers?

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Yes.

And thank you for that transition.

[IMITATING ANEZKA]: So, I forged Petra's signature.

Now you sign and hotel is sold.

Perfect.

Hmm.

And...

just to clarify...

you are Anezka, right?

Yes.

Then who's this?

Hello, beautiful sister.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Hello, ugly mister.

Does anyone besides you know him?

No.

Just me.

And I'll take the secret to my grave.

Hmm.

Yes, you will.

[GRUNTS]

[GRUNTING, CHOKING]

- [ALARM BLARING]

- GUARD: Step back.

Just add another years to my life sentence.

LATIN LOVER NARRATOR: Now, that's how we end things.