01x02 - Rules

[bunniefuu]

Well, we can't say no?

How the hell are we supposed to set boundaries?

Seriously. Enough with the rules.

A helium-voiced barista told me that I was wearing the wrong pant for my body type today.

I wanted to punch her in the throat.

I feel ya.

I... I'm setting a whole new regime. No pants?

Really? We're just taking the pants?

We're taking the pants off.

That's fine.

It's solid.

I have a question.

Go ahead, Jenny, and again, you don't have to raise your hand.

So, my mat leave is up this week, and I'm not so sure I want to go back to work.

I know some of you are very passionate about what you do but, I don't really care about my job.

I recommend having an open, and honest discussion with your partner about it.

Uh-huh.

It sucks, Jenny, but you got to back to work.

No, not true, Kate.

Every mother must make that decision for themselves.

Jenny they're going to think you can't take it, but you can, all right.

You're not soft. You got it in you.

You pushed a raccoon-sized boy out of you, and you screamed at a g*dd*mn bear.

Preach.

No, I have a girl.

What-what bear?

Whatever. You get what I mean.

Kate.

What I'm hearing is that you might not be ready to go back to work either.

Val, that's literally the opposite of what I'm saying.

♪

[Click]

That's not it. That's not it.

Good girl.

Kate: What did I... god damn it.

[Door shuts]

Kate: Is it here?

Work for NASA to get this thing.

Come on! Bastard.

Effin'.

Get in there.

[Truck shuts]

♪

All right buddy, squeeze one of those ham hocks of yours, and swing the leg forward.

Or really any direction.

Not feelin' it? I feel you. All right.

Here we go.

Oh yeah.

I love you, buddy, but Mommy is going to check a little bit of email.

Not because I'm not dedicated to your walking development, but because it's boring, okay.

Nice.

Killin' it, Ollie, am I right?

What's todo?

A Japanese toilet.

It's a to do list, you assh*le.

Oh right. To do. I see it now.

Mm hmm.

You already went running?

No, somebody decided to fall asleep eight times while feeding so missed that one.

But I'm gonna take nothin' but the stairs today.

Boom. Check.

Hmm. Why pump like crazy?

Oh, every time I pump, I produce basically nothing, and he seems to keep rejecting my boob.

So you know, it's a whole thing.

I'd rather not talk about it.

Maybe it's time for Formula?

Never mind.

Jesus, sounds like a hell of a day.

It is!

I'm glad date night met the cut.

I'm looking forward to it so much.

I'm wearing an underwire bra.

What is this? Spring break?

Oh.

♪

So, I know I've been going back and forth with this, but, I really don't want to go back to work.

Oh, yeah, honey, we both agreed that it was my turn.

You know, to write my screen play.

Okay look, the vampire genre is not over.

You know why?

Because they've never been this fat before.

Fat vampires. Come on! Yeah!

I wanna be supportive of you, Ian, I do.

It's just that eight months is not that much time.

Soldiers with PTSD are given longer.

Are you comparing yourself to a w*r... hero?

No, of course not.

Childbirth is way harder.

You love work!

You can bring those sexy work clothes out of retirement.

I'm not gonna lie to ya, I'm a hundred percent ready to start seeing you in clothes with zippers again.

Hmm. Okay. I am not like that anymore.

You know, I understand it's tough but...

This will be really good for you.

You used to come home with the craziest stories.

Remember those stories?

I work in IT.

♪
♪ La, la, la, la-la-la-la ♪

Richard: Ah, Kate. Come in.

So, you remember our board, of course?

Of course, good morning. Hi.

Sorry about my appearance, I took the stairs.

Trying to be more productive.

Is using the stairs as opposed to the elevator the best example of time efficiency?

No, no it is not, but it's a hell of a way to lose the baby weight.

[Laughs]

Okay, shall we begin?

Um, Kate, you're obviously just...

[Big exhale]

Did you want to sit down?

I do, I do. Thank you.

Obviously you're just back from maternity leave so we have to treat your review slightly differently from...

Actually, I really feel like the skills I've developed as a mother, have...

Have helped my productivity.

Kate, the board actually feels you're one of our strongest people.

And we want to commend you on your excellent first couple of days back.

Really? Thank you, guys.

You guys.

Yes, your current situation has actually made you very relatable to our clientele.

So much so in fact, that we're considering throwing your hat in the ring to head up Westwood Foods account.

It's a very, very short list of contenders.

Wow, that... That's amazing.

That's the job that works out of Montreal?

Sure is.

You'd be out there for a couple of months of the year.

I told them you might not be interested.

Most of the women who become... mothers, don't raise their hands as much.

Oh well, not this girl. Hi.

[Chuckles]

[Cell phone, hip hop tune]

Oh God, sorry.

[Cell phone, hip hop tune]

Sorry about that.

So, I guess you were just about to reassure the board that you're ready for this promotion.

Yes.

[Cell phone, hip hop tune]

Really, really sorry about this.

Oh God. It's my nanny.

She knows not to call unless something bad has happened.

We need to know that this job would be your top priority.

Yeah no, I just feel like this one time I should...

Kate, just take the call.

Yes.

We'll expect an answer by end of day.

You got it. And thank you.

[Cell phone, hip hop tune]

Hello? Rebecca? Yes?

Kate, is it okay if Charlie take an nap with my dog?

Um, Rebecca, you really can't call me unless it's an emergency, okay.

I was just in a meeting.

She's kissing him in the mouth.

Well, that sounds very unsanitary.

Just have him ready for me at noon.

Okay, bye.

[Low hum of children playing]

Girl: Don't.

Hey!

You asked for it.

Leave my daughter alone, you frothy little bitch.

Hey, what's happening?

She kissed my boyfriend.

He kissed me.

Kissed? Seriously? What are you, six?

What are you, forty?

What the f*ck? That's not even old.

Man: Is there a problem?

Uh, yes there is.

Alice here, was being bullied by that one.

Oh, not again.

I'm sorry? Again?

Yes, we were planning on talking to you today at pick up.

Um, it seems Alice has become rather provocative.

With the boys... in class.

Seriously?

You're slut-shaming my nine-year-old daughter, for connecting with her peers?

Shame on you.

I'm sorry, are these crackers up for grabs?

I've just got to eat something.

That's a student's lunch, actually.

I don't think you understand.

No, I'm not sure that you understand.

Speaking as a licensed professional in psychological disorders, you have no idea the damage that you're doing here.

My daughter, being persecuted for expressing herself, and then being bullied, as a result?

I assume that you're gonna punish that girl?

Yes, of course.

To my office right now, I'm calling your parents.

Yup, there's consequences for your actions.

Hey, you do you.

Do not let these dicks bring your down, okay?

Here, I'll see you at 3.

[Phone rings]

Hmm.

Gena: What kind of sandwich are you?

Hmm. I'm hoping I get panini.

Seems like the hottest option.

Well, I can see your first day back is off to a productive start.

Anyway, you look great.

Is everything... Is it recovered... down there?

Well, yeah, I guess it's more in my head.

I just don't feel hot, especially around Ian.

Oh no, lost puppy alert.

Barbie and Ken are hittin' a rough patch.

Thanks for the support, Gena.

Babe, just 'cause you're ignoring her, doesn't mean she's not alive and well.

In fact... [Snaps her fingers]

[Laughing]

[New message alert]

[Phone ringing]

Did you just send me a sexy story about a plumber?

Gena: Yeah, my aunt sent that to me.

Uh, your aunt sends you erotic fiction?

You're welcome.

♪
♪ I'm the baddest girl in the club ♪
♪ I'm feelin' so on ♪
♪ I'm like a light bulb ♪
♪ VIP, treat me like a cut above ♪
♪ a cut above ♪
♪ a cut above ♪
♪

I'm sorry Charlie, lunch is almost ready.

[Charlie crying]

♪ Better know me, you ask about me ♪
♪ Money stacked taller than the empire B ♪
♪ 'cause I'm cut above ♪
♪ I'm cut above ♪

Yeah. Come on!

Here comes your milk.

Okay.

Hungry?

♪

Come on, come on!

Come on!

Agh!

[Breast pump whirs]

[Panting]

Oh no.

[Moans]

So, am I like, in trouble?

Well, I'm sorry.

Ah, I haven't introduced myself since you returned.

I'm Marvin. I'm the new manager.

Marvin, the manager.

Yeah.

That's funny.

Sorry, why is that funny?

So look, however you want to handle this, I get it.

What I did was obviously a fire-able offence.

I assume you guys have a decent severance package.

Well, it seems to me that um...

The intern violated a space that you should legally have privacy in, to... Um, do whatever it is you do.

In there.

What exactly do you think I was doing in there?

You were using your designated... um... pump room...

For... pumping.

I imagine.

Is that what the intern said?

[Spits out coffee]

[Coughing]

Seems like I'm making you uncomfortable, Marvin.

No, not at all.

[Coughs]

Pardon me. So that intern has been fired.

You fired him?

Yeah, so you go ahead, and you pump as much breast milk as you need, and you won't be interrupted.

Great. I'll be at my desk then.

That is where you work. At your desk.

At my desk.

Woman: Now you're happy.

Yeah, you just wanted to get out of there.

[Cell phone, hip hop tune]

Look, it's daddy.

Hi Nathan, hold on one sec.

Oh, here we go. [Kiss]

See you later, buddy. Here we go.

There we go.

Love you. Thank you.

Rebecca: Okay.

Hi.

Nathan: Hey, you make it to that music class?

Uh, unfortunately I did.

Eat a bag of dicks.

[Chuckles] That good, huh.

How'd it go in front of the board?

Good. Yeah, they actually think I can handle more.

They're considering me for the Westwood Foods account.

Wait, that's the one in Montreal, right?

Yeah.

What'd you say?

Uh, that I have to discuss it with you first.

Makes sense. It's a big decision.

Right. I mean, you would never allow me to let a huge opportunity like this pass by.

Well, it's more complicated than that.

Uh-huh.

Could you even leave Charlie for that long?

Well, I mean, it's just a couple of months.

I always thought that the Montreal job was like the next level, you know?

Kate, I know deep down you want to accomplish everything, but, you don't have to go to Montreal.

What you're doing right now is already next level.

Okay, then I will tell them to take my name out of the running.

That's pretty sane.

Yeah, okay.

Can't wait to see you for date night.

Me too.

Love you.

♪
♪

[Anne vomits]

♪

Oh, baby's a virus.

Not you, sweetie.

♪

Seriously?

[Car door opens and shuts]

Hey, get outta here! Scram!

♪

Mrs. Carlson. Alice.

I'm glad I ran into you.

I need to apologize for what happened earlier today.

Oh, you don't have to do that. It's fine.

No, it's not fine.

I was wrong to shame you. You didn't deserve that.

We were just on our way to church.

♪

So I've been thinking a lot about this promotion.

You in?

Well, the thing is, my life has gotten pretty busy lately.

Full, and uh...

Mo: Mind if I interrupt?

Kate: Oh.

Oh-oh... the competition.

Oh, is Mo also up for it?

Of course. You two are our top contenders.

Should probably let you two duke it out right here and now.

[Mo and Kate chuckling]

[g*nsh*t sound]

Oh.

I'll k*ll ya. No, I'm just playin'.

Wow, I'm sorry, wasn't he at another company like a second ago?

Mo: Ouch.

No, I'm sorry, that came off harsh. I just mean...

I've been at this company for years, which I have loved.

And haven't really been considered until now, which is fine.

But you also just took a year off.

Nine months, I took nine months, could have took a year.

I guess, a lot can change in nine months.

Yeah, clearly.

So, you in, Kate?

Yeah, I'm in.

Let the best man win.

[Chuckles] Your words, not mine, man.

Okay.

Oh geez, I have to go.

Uh, thank you for the time. Hat in.

[Kate laughs]

[g*nsh*t sound]

Huh, I can do it, too.

♪

[Cell phone, hip hop tune]

Hello.

Hey, where are you?

I am running just a little bit late.

But I am very close.

Kate, should I just go home?

No, no, no, no, no.

I'm so excited. Date night!

[Toilet flushing]

♪

Hey Kate, hold up!

Kate'll have it, for sure.

Guys, I'm in a huge rush, sorry.

Guess we're just gonna have to ask Mo.

♪

All right, what do you guys have so far?

Yeah, okay so, we have um... nothing.

[Jazz music playing]

[Door closes]

That sucked, Kate.

I know, I'm sorry. Richard made me stay and...

Oh really, Richard made you stay at work?

Yeah, he was like you're not leavin'.

And I was like, Richard, Kate, stop it, come on.

I'm sorry. I was really looking forward to tonight, I was.

But I'm gonna make it up to you with an elaborate date night this weekend. With day sex.

Elaborate day sex.

Olympic grade day sex.

Okay.

There's gonna be parallel bars.

Ooh.

I'm gonna swing from one to the other.

Very exciting.

I'm sorry.

Do you know Rebecca brings her dog to work?

Miss Francine? Yes.

She wants to speak to us.

Oh great. All right, let's do it.

Will you take lead on it?

She and I have a weird lady dynamic.

Yeah, so I've noticed.

[Nathan] Just try to leave miss Francine at your sister's place, maybe?

[Sighing]

It's a shame. Charlie like her.

So, who was the last to feed Charlie?

I just got home.

Yes, I gave him Formula.

You know there's perfectly good breast milk in the fridge?

It's not enough.

He is hungry.

What he need is full fat breast milk.

What you give him is like a skim.

[Kate laughing] Yeah, well, I don't care if my breasts are spouting gasoline, Formula is a decision a mother should make.

Back me up here, Nathan.

Yeah.

Even if that mother make a bad decision?

Put her needs before the needs of the baby?

You know what, go for it. Just let 'er rip.

All the way?

Do it.

Um, listen Rebecca, I'm sorry, but we're going to have to let you go.

You're fired. That's what that means.

Let's go, miss Francine. Let's go.

Let's go.

Hit the road, Francine.

Can you believe the audacity of that woman?

That was horrible.

Horrible.

But you know maybe Formula's not the craziest idea.

At some point.

In the distant future.

You are fired.

You are fired.

[Lullaby playing]

Hi.

Hi. Hi.

[Charlie crying]

Oh no, no, no. No, no, no, it's okay.

It's okay.

[Charlie crying]

It's okay. I know what you need.

Mommy knows what you need, yes.

Yes, let's give this whole thing another whack, huh?

Oh boy, it's okay.

[Charlie crying]

Yes, yes, yes.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, hey sugar.

[Charlie crying]

It's okay. It's okay.

Please! Please, please, please.

[Charlie crying]

Oh! Oh thank God, oh thank God.

Oh, thank you, Charlie.

Oh, thank you, Charlie.

♪ We are all a part of everything ♪
♪ and I go, ♪
♪ only where my heart will bring ♪
♪ I don't know where ♪
♪ only now I realize ♪

That new manager has got forearms like a couple of logs.

Hold up, here he comes.

How's it going?

I think I just downloaded a virus.

[Laughs]

What?

I was kidding.

Why would you joke about that?

This is a tech company, Jenny.

♪