01x12 - Merde

Kate: Previously on "Workin' Moms".

I don't know what's going on with me?

I think I hear the baby crying.

Anne: I had Kate take me to an abortion clinic.

You what? I didn't do it.

I just wanted to see how I felt when I was there.

It's good to know you care so much about what I think.

Woman: You giving all this stuff away?

It's the only way to domestic purity, so... yeah.

I am not thrilled that you're going.

You want me to tell you that it's gonna suck and we are not gonna get by without you?



(Bells toll)

(Relaxed breath)

♪ C'est toi et moi ♪

♪ La reine nous, vois ♪

♪ La grâce, la foie, ♪

♪ L'amour, la joie ♪

♪ J'ai vu des gros orages, ♪

♪ L'arc-en-ciel nu ♪

♪ Le coup de foudre m'échappe ♪

♪ Jusqu'à ce qu'on s'est apercu ♪

♪ Oooh... toi et moi ♪

♪ Que moi et toi ♪

Hey. How about this tree, huh?

♪ Oui grâce a Dieu ♪

♪ Merci pour toi et moi ♪

(Big relaxed exhale)

Val: Just a couple more seconds, Mommies.

(Bell rings) Okay!

Time to turn your vision boards around.

And let's show and tell.

Sheila, I need to be honest with you, your board is disturbing me.

Did you mean to black out all of the eyes?

I did.

Jenny: Can I start?

I'm just feeling passionate about this

'cause I'm totally in a place where I'm turning my life around.

It's wonderful to move forwards.

I'm more in a move backwards place.

Like where I was in college.

It was a really bright time in my life.

And these are pages I ripped out of a book, 'cause I was taking a class with this really cute guy, now known as Ian, my husband!

I chose to do the exercise differently.

I decorated Rhoda.

Frankie, are you okay, man?

Hey, Anne didn't even do the assignment.

This is a stupid assignment.

Vision boards are for sad, lost millennials who don't have any work ethic.

You seem angrier than usual, Anne.

I'm sorry.

I got in a really bad fight with Lionel.

What about? The usual, abortions.

Oh my, yes, that would be a difficult discussion.

But I do wanna remind you that it's important to find opportunities for release.

Yeah, don't worry, I have my ways.

(Axe thuds loudly)

(Grunts of effort)

(Forceful scream)

f*ck, that feels good!

♪♪♪ Kate: Down the hatch, little monkey! Hi.

How you feeling? Good.

Like, really good. Like, I'm meant to be here.

Well, that's good, I guess.

No I mean, I miss you. Like, I wish I was with you.

I just feel really good about this job, you know?

Like, the job's at a seven.

And you and Mr. Hunger Strike, there? Are a solid ten.

Don't do that.

Don't lie about how enthused you are about this job.

This doesn't feel totally fair.

You're right. It's not fair.

Look, I gotta feed him and I gotta get out the door for my job.

Of course. Totally. I love you.

This would be a million times better with you guys here.

Yeah, okay.

Enjoy your first day, Big Timer.

You're gonna kill it. (Charlie laughs)

I don't know about kill it--



♪ La, la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la-la-la-la-la ♪

♪ La, la-la-la-la-la ♪

(Waking moan)


Uh, who else would it be?

It's just I really gotta pee.

Hold it. You used to hold it.


(Zoe cries)

I think she's hungry. Mm, I'm hungry.

Okay, do you want me to make eggs?

I'm hungry for you, you idiot.

(Irritated mumbling)

It's too much pressure.

I just... I really gotta pee.

And all I can think about is eggs, now.

Let's do it later.

Well, you know there's no time later!

So you don't want eggs?

No, I do. Okay.

(relieved exhale) She is down for the count.

(Keys clack)

What are you up to?

You're making me nervous. Can you take a break, please?

No can do, I'm on a roll.

I'm finally driving in the lane I was supposed to.

I'm a goddamn salesman.

I'm glad you're happy.

You are happy, right? I can't tell.

I'm cleaning our life out! I can finally breathe.

It does feel nice to have less clutter.

Wait, where's the clock? Sold it.

What else have you sold?

Oh, I'm just selling stuff we don't need or use or, that we can get a lot of money for.

Well, it's wonderful that you found something that you're good at.

Yeah, you can say that again, right?

I brought in about $1800 this morning.

Oh my God. Damn straight.

I'm taking care of us.

I am the captain of this ship and I'm gonna sail it straight onto land.

Just keep your eye on the lighthouse.

The figurine?

Sold it.

♪♪♪ Anne: There you are. What are you doing?

Hey, um...

I was thinking a lot about what you said the other day.

I'm really sorry, Lionel.

No-no-no, you're right.

This is something we need to figure out.

And the white board is gonna help us do that?

All right, do not knock it until you tried it.

This here is how I make all my work decisions.

That explains so much. Mm-hmm.

Having a third baby, pros and cons.

I can read. Yup. Okay.

(Clicks tongue)

I have a con. Good. Okay, good.

Uh, we can't really afford another baby.

Money. Huge factor.

(Hesitating) Con.

Con. Okay, another one, good.

Uh... We barely have time for the kids we have now.

No time. No time. We got no time.

No time.

More diapers. More formula. Those are cons.

Huge cons, right?

Yeah, baby stuff.

(Snaps fingers) I got a pro! Yeah?

Yeah, I got a pro. All right, all right.

(Dabs marker)


I'm a big fan of tiny, little babies.


(Singing in French)

♪♪♪ Ah, Bonjour. Je m'appelle-- Woman: Kate?

Hello, I'm Piera.

I'll be your assistant while you're here.

Oh. Nice to meet you. Bienvenue.

So if you don't mind, let's rush, Madam Stromanger is very eager to meet you. Oh, wow. Uh, can we just make a pit stop at my new office?

Would love to drop my stuff off, take a look around the new digs. Sorry? Sorry.

No, it's just that, uh, she's waiting.

Oh, of course. The woman's got a schedule to uphold, I love it. Right this way.

So, Victoria Stromanger is excited to meet me?

Mm-Hmm. I mean, sorry, that's kind of a brain breaker.

I was considering asking her to sign her Forbes cover, but then was like, eh, stupid. I mean, I brought it--

Uh, no. So, you've been briefed. Yes?

Oh, on Victoria? Yes.

A firm handshake, keep it prof- No-no-no-no-no.

About-about today's trial run for the presentation.

We're setting it up at 3:30 in the conference room.

Great. I'll be ready. Okay. Right this way.

Kate Foster, this is Meghan.


Yes. She's here.


Wow, this is seriously monumental for me.

Oh right. Oh!

I am... I'm so sorry about that.

For the record your lips are incredibly soft.


Have a seat, Kate.

So your trip, it was good?

Yeah, I took the train, which really gave me a chance to read that brief Piera sent, which was fantastic.

I think the plan-- Kate, take a breath. Relax.

We have plenty of time to talk about work.

Sorry, I guess I'm kind of revved up.

Wow, three boys? You're a stallion!

How'd you do it? Sleep less. Work more.

But they're all away at school, so...

Aw, you must miss them? Well, when it suits me.

Anyway, um, thank you so much for that gift basket--

So, Richard tells me you're very persuasive.

Oh, I don't know about that. Not like you anyway.

Kate. Don't be cute with me.

You have a talent, you own it.

I could sell a scuba tank to a sea horse.

That's why you're here and that's what we will need to see in the room.

Daniel Westwood is really stuck in his ways, you know?

He's from a different era, so you're gonna have to use your talents to massage him.


Yeah. So, I look forward to seeing you in action.

Yes. And, uh, you know, I have to compliment you--

Meghan will sign that for you.

Right. Okay.

(Phone rings)

Jesus. Jenny.

This is actually genius. I know.

They really do last longer.

Uh, duh, are you wearing a wire or something?

This is like the most obvious conversation I've ever had.

Have you been avoiding me?

Look, the other night, that wasn't me.

Babes, you can play house and tell your mom squad whatever you want, but I know you, and as rude as you were, it was kinda nice to see you finally accepting this whole separation thing.

Separation? Yeah.

I've banged enough dudes in that camp to know how messy it gets.

We're not going through a separation.

That night was just a weird moment.

And you, of all people, should get what it feels like to wanna just fool around and not be yourself for a second.

(Laughs) Okay. Okay, look...

I think I've been very patient, through this petulant phase, but enough.

You can try on as many dicks as you want, and call it an identity crisis, but don't throw shade on me. I know who I am.

And do your damn job, Jenny!

Some of us are sick of covering for you.

And stop eating food from the fridge that has clearly been labeled as another's!

I don't know what you're talking about, Arden.

Oh, really?

Pretty sure three quarters of a calzone doesn't eat itself.

You could have at least thrown out the box.

And that is the exact kind of responsibility Westwood Foods wants to be known for.

Being the leader in premium packaged meats in more than 20 worldwide markets.

Bringing great tasting, quality and innovative food to Canada and beyond. (Boardroom applauds)

Thanks, guys.

Victoria: So, uh... What will you be wearing?

Uh, excuse me? To the meeting.

Oh, something appropriate. Appropriate?

Uh, black or navy pant suit.

You don't have to worry. I'll keep it professional.

Hm, would you allow me to arrange something for you?

Uh, you wanna dress me? (Laughs)

Yeah, we were hoping that you would wear something a little bit more festive?

Oh, you're-you're being serious.

Uh... so like, um--

Piera will provide you with what you need, huh.

(Chuckles) à demain.

So, outfit aside, did I just bomb?

Not at all. She was really impressed.

For sure. I think I even saw her smile.

Okay, good.

So do you guys wanna grab a drink?

I mean, this is the least amount of responsibility I've had since I was a teenager.

Thanks, but I try to be home for bedtime.


Yeah, it's taco night at my house.

Woman: I'm free. Shirley!

Yeah, all right. Shirley and I on the town.

Cool! Okay, so I just have to take my antibiotic and then I'm good to go.

Meet me in the lobby. Don't be late.

Yeah, all right.



♪ When I woke up I seen his colors ♪ What? What is it?


♪ When I look up I see this ♪

♪ Wonder everything you brought into my life ♪

(Traffic hums)

Kate: So... Shirley, what's your deal?

I mean, are you in a relationship?

Is there another guy? Girl?

Whatever, no judgment.

It's gotta be hard out there, though, right now?

All those apps?

Yeah, you know, the apps are really weird.

A guy wrote me last week: he told me my teeth were the perfect shape and size for intimacy. Mmm.

So that was, like, creepy. Super creepy.

Yeah. But it's also cool because you have so many options. Right?

Like, I have thousands of guys at my finger tips at all times.

On the other hand, they have thousands of women at their finger tips.

So you start to feel like everyone's just like, who's next? It's like iTunes: nobody wants to listen to the whole song.

You start to feel like you're just like half the song.

(Soft) Oh no, you're a whole song.

Really? Mm-hmm.


And look, I mean, thousands of guys, one of them is bound to be the... one... of them?

Kate. I went to the chiropractor once just for the human touch. That's resourceful.

I guess.

It was really expensive.

So, um, how about this Victoria Stromanger?

I mean, I'm dying.

You gotta be learning so much from working next to her.

I guess. I kind of try to avoid her.

Do you wanna split a smoke meat poutine? They're really good.

Yeah, all right. Excuse me!

Hi. Um, could we get a smoke meat poutine?

I'd like to split it, um... so could you bring two separate plates?

But bring like two separate plates, don't just bring the plate with the poutine and then a separate plate.

(Door shuts)

(Bag thuds lightly, keys jingle)

(Small laugh)

(Tissue paper crinkles)

Oh no. (Laughs)


Nathan: Oh, it doesn't look that bad.

Not that bad?

It is dusty rose. It's what great aunts everywhere wear to baby showers. It's wool, by the way.

In case you were wondering about the ventilation, not so great. I kind of like it on you.

You do?

Does this make up for this morning's conversation?

Your wife looking like a 1990's Hillary Clinton?

Now you're tapping into some deep seeded childhood fantasies of mine. Care to elaborate?

It's me and Hillary Rodham at a carnival.

Nothing dirty. Just some ring toss.

She's very competitive.

I miss you, boys.

(Charlie cries) Oh, it's okay, baby.

Oh God, momma's here.

This is not even fair for him.

FaceTime for a baby? It's like a cruel trick.

He understands, honey. It's okay.

It's okay, Charlie. It's okay, buddy.

It's okay. This is awful.

I'm sorry. We gotta go, honey.

Yeah, no, of course. Let's try again in the morn--


Giselle: Have you moved today?

I'm working.

You guys have a good day?

I dunno. Would you qualify making $600,000 a good day?

Right? Did you sell our baby?

What?! No. I would never do that.

I sold our house.

Excuse me?

You-you what?

You should be thrilled.

I've actually had it on the market for a while now, you know, just to stay in touch with its value and this couple made an offer a while back which I totally ignored, but then I got to thinking, it's just... stuff.

How could you do that without considering me or Rhoda?

It's just stuff, Giselle! All of it.

Just a bunch of nonsense that we don't even really need.

And we clean and we service and we clean and... then I was thinking about all the stuff you've been shackled with while I'm at work?

It's unsustainable.

But where are we going to live?!

You know, Frankie, when people ask me how I could stay married to you, you know what I say?

I say it's like being deep in the ocean.

Spontaneous, salty, full of life, but dangerous.

You think I'm salty?

I'm drowning, Frankie.

I can't do this anymore. What?


No, I-I did this for us!

I'm asking you to get our house back.

Fix this.

If not, I don't know.


♪ Oh my darling ♪

♪ I'm feeling like a burnout ♪

♪ I'm lost in a maze that I can't get out of ♪

♪ I love you always ♪


♪ I love you always ♪

♪ I love you always ♪

(Car rumbles up)

(Shuts engine off, seatbelts click)

You sure about this?

Yeah. I'm so sure. Okay.

What about you? Are you sure?

Yeah, yeah, I'm sure.

Is what I'm wearing appropriate or...

Mm, pretty sure they don't have a dress code.

'Cause I have a tie in the glove box.


Hey... you are so beautiful.


(Doors open and shut)

(Readying exhale)

♪ Wake another day ♪

♪ To a different sky ♪

♪ Some take the fast lane ♪

♪ But this is my life ♪

♪ Swim upstream ♪

♪ To a warm place ♪

♪ Lay with the trees... ♪