06x03 - Bye Bye Goldie

[bunniefuu]

♪♪♪

(OBJECTS THUD LIGHTLY)

♪♪♪

I've called this meeting today

because we've received
some troubling information

about the nature of your relationship.

Sorry, who are you?

Louise Maddox...

- head of HR.
- Oh.

It's been brought to my attention

that the two of you have
been conducting yourselves

in an unprofessional manner.

And as the company handbook states

managers are forbidden from developing

intimate relationships
with their subordinates.

- Oh, Louise...
- (MOANS)

I can assure you that the relationship

- between Jenny and I...
- There it is...

- Healthy little bean?
- BOTH: What?!

...could not be more professional.

This is the most f*cked up
thing you've ever done, Jenny.

Wait, you think I'm happy about this?

I was just lying to you
about being pregnant.

Yeah, I get that part.
Why do you think I brought you

- to the ultrasound clinic?
- Like % professional.

Enough with the bullshit.
Do you wanna have this baby?

I don't know,
do you want to have this baby?

Of course... I do.

Well, obviously, I do too.

I was just testing you.
So, yay, you passed.

Okay, then. But just to be clear,

outside of this baby,

I want nothing to do with you.

Oh, I will never trust you again.

(SEETHING EXHALE)

♪♪♪

While I'd really like to believe

that nothing is going on
between the two of you,

I have an eye witness
account that says otherwise.

Of all the cubicles
you could have chosen

for your little tryst,
you had to choose mine,

didn't you?

Come on, Louise. Really? Gary?

He's just making things
up to mess with me.

Oh really?

Am I making this up?

You sick, twisted tiny little perv!

Thank you, Gary, you may go.

Fine. But just so you two know

there is a stain on my chair
that is never coming out.

Look, (EXHALES)

there was a slight indiscretion,

but it's over now. Right, Jenny?

Absolutely... so over.

- Ugh.
- I don't think

you are grasping

the severity of the situation.

This especially for you, Mr. Patrick.

Jenny is your subordinate.

Whoa... let's get one thing clear,

she was a willing
participant in all of this.

Very willing actually. (CHUCKLES)

And we will certainly consider that

when we determine
whether you can maintain

your current positions here.

- Maintain? Oh my God!
- Look,

can't we just let this slide
under the radar this once?

No. We cannot.

♪♪♪

♪ Let's go! ♪

♪♪♪

- Hi.
- Hey.

- There she is... our queen.
- (LIGHT CLAPPING)

Please don't ever call me that again.
What's going on?

Well, business is thriving
that's what's going on.

- Check that out.
- What's this?

Well, because of our association

with Goldie's Goodness,

we're officially C Corp certified.

- Ah.
- Meaning we're suddenly

very attractive to socially
conscious driven companies.

Yeah. Um, we're...

dropping Goldie's.

You wanna be more specific about that?

Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm.

Uh, they're a uh...

pyramid scheme.

- Whaaat?!
- Yeah.

How do you know that?

Well, you know that book
we're representing...

the one all about pyramid schemes...

- Yeah.
- It's about to expose them

as an insidious company

that preys on vulnerable
women to fill their pockets.

- (GASPS) Good God.
- Yeah.

Anyway, look,
I'm just as shocked as you are,

- but um, at least we know now.
- Mm-hmm.

I just wanna be the one to
break the news to Rosie first.

Yeah. Good luck with that,
she's really into them.

Jesus Christ, Rose.

Where is she, anyway?

Uh, she's taking a personal day.

What... why?

Come on, Kate. It's personal.

But... (PUZZLED EXHALE)

(PHONE VIBRATES)

_

(KATE SIGHS) Yes, sir.

♪♪♪

Okay. I think we need
to talk about boundaries.

What's the problem?
You said you'd be there

- for me down the line.
- Yeah.

I just wish we had
ironed out some of the details.

For instance,
some colleagues don't shove

semen into other colleagues' vaginas...
traditionally.

Oh please, who hasn't had
a colleague shove seamen

into their vag*na once or twice.

- What?
- Don't be so precious.

I thought you'd wanna
be part of this moment.

- Gimme that.
- Oh, uh, sure.

Sorry if I caused you and
your little boundaries

any inconvenience.

No, look, I'm not saying I
don't wanna be part of this.

I'm just saying that you
might want some other people

in your corner too. Like um...

(SNAPS FINGERS) your sister?

What about her?

I don't know,
she seems like the natural choice.

Well, I'm not really sure I can do that.

(EFFORT GRUNT)

There! Done.

I'm taking this. All right.

Think about it, okay?
Give your sister a call.

I'm out.

I'd walk you out but I
gotta let this sh*t soak in.

Sure. No. Makes sense.

Best of luck little swimmers.

♪♪♪

(KNOCK ON DOOR)

JENNY:
I hope this isn't a d*ck appointment

because we're done, remember?

Unless it is a d*ck appointment then,

I suppose you could twist my arm.

It's not a d*ck appointment.

So I've been thinking...
With the baby on the way

and all the sleepless nights ahead,

do you really wanna keep working here?

Hm. I'm a woman with child.

So, it's not like I can afford
not to keep working here.

Of course, it's just...

I make a pretty generous salary...

Humble brag.

So I can support the baby.

That takes pressure off you.

And I mean it's not like you
like working here anyways, right?

(CHUCKLES)

Nice try.

I see what you're doing.

Wh-what are you talking about?

Please, you're trying
to get me quit my job

so you can keep yours.

Well, it's not happening, dingus.

We gotta figure something out.

We both can't both keep working here.

"We"? You heard Louise,

this looks worse for
you than it does for me.

You really think that they're
not gonna get rid of the girl

who banged her boss the
first chance they get?

(SCOFFS)

♪♪♪

LIONEL: So, it's official:

I've lost my mind in Cochrane.

Hey, that would be a great
title for a country song.

Oh my God,
why am I talking about country songs?

ANNE: I know that this is hard.

You just have to be patient.

Still meeting with the lawyer today,
right?

Yeah. Although,

if it wasn't for
this stupid restraining order,

I could totally talk some sense
into to Cheryl and Bennett.

No, you already tried that.

That's what got you
the restraining order.

You can't seem to talk to
them without using your fists.

That is a gross oversimplification.

Just promise me that
you won't go near them.

Yeah, I know how restraining orders
work, Anne.

Here.

(PLASTIC BAG CRINKLES)

Look, I know it's hard,

but everything's gonna be okay.

LIONEL: Is it? How do you know?

What if everything is not gonna be okay?

What if I wind up in jail?

I couldn't even get through Shawshank.

- The movie?
- Yeah.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

Ah, I'm bothering you at work.
I'll talk to you later.

Stay strong. I love you.

(DOMINOES CLATTER)

f*ck.

♪♪♪

So, give it to me straight.

How do you feel about my case?

Uh, good-ish.

I am gonna need a little
more from you than that.

Let me break it down for you.

It really comes down
to which judge we get...

Deb A or Deb T.

And what's the difference
between Deb A and Deb T?

Simple: Deb T hates men.

Something to really think about.

What do you mean
"something to really think about?"

- I'm a man.
- That's what I'm saying.

Dale, you're really freaking me out.

Do you even have a plan?

Okay, look... (GRUNTS)

We can't make a plan until
we know which Deb we've got.

♪♪

I hear most restaurants
use pig anus for calamari.

That's not true.

Give it a closer look.

So how's work?

The usual grind...
deadline after deadline.

Actually, I'm trying to have a kid.

(CHOCKING COUGH)

I'm sorry. Are you serious?

- With... whom?
- Myself.

And a little help from sperm donor .

He's very proficient in computer skills

so we're working with some solid DNA.

- What?
- It's just...

Are you really ready to become a mother?

I mean... what about your job?

How are you gonna manage all of that?

I don't know. But I'll figure it out.

I'm not the first mom to have a job.

Well, it's a little
more involved than that.

(CHUCKLES) Okay.

Well, no offense, CeeCee,
but I don't think

being a mother
is as hard as you make out to be.

Actually, motherhood is the
hardest thing in the world.

Well, if you'd actually let me
spend some time with Olivia,

then maybe I would be able to
"grasp" the concept

of motherhood now, wouldn't I?

No, I'm not doing this with you, Sloane.

Are you just gonna keep
her away from me forever?

I'm her mother... that's my prerogative.

I gave birth to her, CeeCee, for you.

I am just trying to get to
know her a little bit better.

And I don't think
that's asking too much.

Enjoy your pig anus.

♪♪♪

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

(PHONES RING IN THE DISTANCE)

This better be good.

Oh it is good, you dipshit.

I think I know how we
can both keep our jobs.

♪♪♪

- We're getting married!
- Mm-hmm.

I'm not sure I understand.

I thought you said that things
were over between you two.

That was just a lame front so
we wouldn't get in trouble.

- Sorry.
- Sorry.

But the heart wants
what the heart wants.

- Isn't that right, Malcolm?
- It's true.

And our hearts are very
much wanting the other.

So, here we are.

Well, doesn't change the
fact that you can't both

continue to work here.

- Oh Louise,
- (SMALL LAUGH)

I know you're doing your best,

but you really need to stay
on top of the company handbook

if you're gonna run the HR department.

Would you do the honors, sweetie?

Sure... sweetie.

According to chapter , section :

(READS) "Two parties who engage
in a nonprofessional manner

"are exempt from all company misconduct

"if said parties can
demonstrate a long-term

act of intention to each other."

In other words:
If we get married, we good.

Boom.

This must be a new edition.

♪♪♪

Hi, how are you today?

- Fine, thanks.
- Great.

Uh, so here's the deal,

I have a little court
appearance coming up

in a couple of days,

I was wondering if you
could tell me which judge

is overseeing the case...
Deb T or Deb A?

I'm not at liberty to disclose
that information, sir.

Of course.

(BOX RASPS)

Maybe that'll change your mind.

Are you trying to bribe me?

No.

Works for cops, am I right?

Well, I'm a diabetic.

Also, I don't appreciate
you perpetuating

a harmful and very dated stereotype.

Right. Yeah.

I'm, I'm so sorry. I will just uh,

I'll get out of your hair.

Leave the donuts.

I thought you said you were diabetic.

One won't k*ll me. Also,

between you and me,

you don't want Deb T.

So I've heard.

♪♪♪

(BIRDS CHIRP)

(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)

Sorry.

Oh my God! (PANICKED GASPING)

You just violated
your restraining order, bucko!

Okay. Get a grip Cheryl!
Clearly I didn't see you.

Well, it did seem
kind of innocent, Cheryl.

- Shut the f*ck up, Tomé!
- Okay.

Hey! Don't talk to Tomé that way.

Excuse me?! I will talk

to Tomé anyway I please.

Besides, Tomé doesn't care.

Well, now that you bring it up...
actually I do care.

Like I kind of hate
when you're like, f*ck Tomé...

All right, doughboy,
I'm gonna let this go today,

but you mark my words,

I am gonna make sure that
you get the electric chair.

- You know, go to hell, Cheryl!
- (SCOFFS)

Ah... actually... (APOLOGETIC CHUCKLE)

sorry about the "go to hell."

Do either happen to know
which Deb is presiding

- over the case: Deb T or Deb A?
- (SCOFFS) Pathetic.

Tomé! Jesus Christ!

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(FOOTSTEPS THUD)

(DOOR CLICKS OPEN)

What are you doing here?

I have to run an errand nearby

and thought maybe you and Olivia

would like to spend some time together.

- I would love that.
- Good.

Honey, why don't you head inside,
mommy just needs to have

a quick chat with auntie Sloane, okay?

I'll be right there.

I am sorry about earlier. Okay?

Look, I want you to have a
relationship with Olivia.

It's not fair for me
to keep her from you.

Thank you.

And if you wanna be a mother,

I wanna be there for you, too.

Well, that's good.

Because from what I hear,

apparently, I'm gonna need
some people in my corner.

Okay, I'm gonna leave you to it.

I'll be back in like an hour or so.

- Okay.
- Bye honey, have fun!

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE, DOOR SHUTS)

So, what do you wanna do?

I've got a pack of cards around here...

maybe a highlighter or two.

I'm kinda hungry.

- I know what we're gonna do.
- (KEYS JINGLE)

Come on, let's go.

(READYING INHALE)

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)
- KATE: Rose?!

(LOW HUM OF CHATTER)

Kate! What are you doing here?

Hey, sorry for just
showing up like this.

I know you took a personal day.

And don't worry,
I won't ask why... that's personal.

Actually, I'm kinda
in the middle of something.

And your timing couldn't
be more perfect!

KATE: Hm? Oh boy.

Ladies, are we ready?

Because I'm here to talk about
how Goldie's Goodness products

changed my life,

and how they're going
to change all of yours!

And if it wasn't for my
incredible boss-lady,

Kate Foster,
supporting me on this journey,

I'd never have gotten this invested.

So thank you!

Uh-huh. Ah, just a word...
if we could just...

Okay. One sec,
I'm about to get to the good stuff.

Did you know Goldie's Goodness
is made with one hundy percent

organic ingredients?

It's probably healthier
than what's in your fridge.

Don't believe me?

- (SPRITZES)
- (WOMEN GASP)

KATE: Okay. Let's just hit
the pause button for a sec.

- I do need to talk to you.
- Okay, who wants a taste?!

- WOMAN: Me!
- KATE: Oh God!

Oh, you're really doubling down on this.

Mmm. That tastes like Christmas.

(WOMAN CHUCKLES)

Okay, we're dropping
Goldie's as a client.

- What?
- I'm sorry. Look, I know

how much you love them
and believe in them,

but they are stealing
from innocent people...

mostly women if I'm being honest.

Ladies, you do not want to be
involved with this company,

- okay?
- WOMAN: Oh my God!

Oh, hogwash!
Ladies, it couldn't be more simple:

Okay, when you sign up to be a
Goldie's Goodness ambassador,

you'll receive a monthly
supply of their entire line,

which you then sell to
your friends and family!

And then they sell to...

- It's a pyramid.
- Oh wait, hold on...

Yeah. It's okay, honest mistake.

Ladies, we're gonna wrap this up.

Thank you so much for your time. Yeah.

It's okay. It's okay.
It's how we learn, right.

It's been a blast.

Look, I've already drafted an email

cutting ties with Goldie. Okay?

I just, I wanted
to let you know before I hit send.

- Wait...
- It's done.

And it's for the best.

So where was I in the pyramid?

You're at the top of my pyramid.

♪

Alexa, in five minutes remind me

to stop putting things in my mouth.

ALEXA: Okay,
I'll remind you in five minutes.

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

♪♪♪

What are you doing here?

Uh, may I offer you some cheese?

Ew! God no.

- But thank you.
- Okay.

So uh...

What's up?

Well, I don't know, (NERVOUS CHUCKLE)

I just...

I don't know,
it really just melted my heart

when you stuck up for
me earlier with Cheryl.

I mean, that was nothing.

She really shouldn't
treat you like that.

Yeah.

So, you wanna know who's
judging your case, huh?

What? Yes! Yes! Why?

What do you know?

Well, it just so happens that my husband

has the inside track and...

I'd really like to help out.

Great. I'm ready to be helped out.

(CHUCKLES) Super.

It's right on my lips,

and you just have to
come a little closer

to get it.

Why don't you just use those lips

and blow the name my way?

Closer, Lionel.

- Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

How is that?

- Even closer.
- All right.

I'm just looking for a T or an A.

Well, lucky for you
(DEEP VOICE) I have both.

(AWKWARD CHUCKLE)

- Lean in a little closer.
- Okay.

No-no-no-no-no. Tomé!

I am a married man!

Stop denying our chemistry! (LAUGHS)

I think you should leave.

- Now.
- Fine!

Then... I hope you fry on that chair!

Get ex*cuted or... (CRYING)

(FOOTSTEPS RECEDE, DOOR OPENS)

ALEXA: Here's a reminder:

Stop putting things in my mouth.

Yeah. A little late!

♪♪♪

(CAR RUMBLES UP)

Hi.

What the hell do you think you're doing?

Olivia was hungry so we
grabbed something to eat.

What's the big deal?
If this is about the fries,

a little trans fat in moderation is...

Are you crazy? She's six years old.

You can't just put her in
a car without her car seat.

What if something happened?

Calm down. I'm not an idiot,
she had her seatbelt on.

Really? That's your solution?

A seatbelt can damage
their internal organs.

Or send them flying
through the windshield.

Okay, I'm sorry. I didn't know.

Well, these are the things
you'll need to know

if you're gonna become a mother.

And honestly, Sloane,

I'm not sure you're cut out to be one.

Come on, baby,
let's get you in your car seat.

- CeeCee...
- (DOOR SLAMS)

CeeCee!

♪♪♪

(PENSIVE EXHALE)

♪♪♪

Okay.

♪♪♪

(SHEET RUSTLES)

♪♪♪

(FOOTSTEPS THUD ON STAIRS)

(DOORBELL RINGS)

(DOOR CREAKS OPEN)

Goldie. You're-you're at my house?

Evening, Kate.

I just stopped by to tell you
that I got your message.

By email no less.

I mean, that's not the way
family does business, is it?

Yeah. You're such a busy woman,

I thought you'd appreciate
the efficiency. That's all.

- Oh, you're good. (LAUGHS)
- Oh.

But my evening has cleared up.

So um,

tell me, why the change of heart?

Oh, you came all the way...

Oh, this is, this is...

You know, what it was,
you probably been here,

it was just a conflict of interest.

Huh.

Not sure what interest
you got conflicted.

It just uh, you know,
it's like one of those um,

you know, when you just have too much,

and, and you're looking
at all your things,

and none of them get along.

And you're like, agh, I gotta,

I gotta clear this out. And that's...

Yeah. I'm so sorry.
Thank you for coming by.

This was great. It's so nice to just...

(GOLDIE CHUCKLES)

(KATE STARTS LAUGHING)

(LAUGHING)

What-what are we laughing for?

Because I know you're hiding something,

and I'm gonna find out what it is.

You have a good night now.

Hmm. Nice house.

Easy to find.

♪ Seen her ♪

♪ Cross the line ♪

♪ Line ♪