[JUGHEAD] Previously on Riverdale...
[ALICE] No, no. Don't come any closer. Don't touch anything.
- It was self-defense, right?
- Yes, of course it was.
[BETTY] You lied to us.
That shady guy was a drug dealer.
What else is he lying about, huh?
[JUGHEAD] What do Sunnyside Trailer park, Twilight Drive-In and Southside High all have in common?
You control them.
Now the trailer park is in jeopardy.
Can't you just feel the invisible hand of Hiram Lodge all over this?
You've got a lot of nervous people scared they're gonna lose their home.
As a gesture of goodwill, I'd like to settle any back rent you or your neighbors owe the town.
It's a deal.
There is one thing.
Mayor McCoy tells me there's some kind of expose you're working on, Jughead.
I'd appreciate it if you just kept my name out of it.
- That sounds a lot like a bribe.
- No deal.
See you in the funny pages.
[JUGHEAD] Picture a girl, living in the house next door.
Give her a ponytail and a secret.
Day after day, she checks the headlines and watches the local news, waiting to be exposed.
Chic, what's wrong with your bathroom?
You have better water pressure.
Tough. Use your own.
[JUGHEAD] And bit by bit, the walls close in, until what was once just a house becomes her own private purgatory.
Still at it, Mother?
I thought you'd be tired of taking filthy wads of cash from strangers by now.
You have no right to judge me.
Not when you drove away the one decent chance I had at a better life.
You mean with Hal Cooper?
[SCOFFS] If that's your idea of love.
What would you know about it?
You've never known love, Cheryl, except to rip it apart.
Because you are a jealous, spite-filled, starving, emotional anorexic.
Have a nice day at school, dear.
[HIRAM] Ah, I'm glad I caught you both.
Mrs. Lodge and I were headed up to the lake house this weekend, but it looks like we're going to cancel due to some business.
So why don't you kids go instead?
You know, make a little romantic getaway.
- Wow, thank you, Mr. Lodge.
- That'd be amazing, Daddy.
Andre can drive you up and stay nearby, in case you want to go into town.
No! No chaperones.
Andre can drop us off, and pick us up on Sunday night, we don't need one of your spies shadowing us.
Hey, why don't you invite Betty and Jughead?
Make a real weekend out of it.
That'd be great.
Hey, before you head off, can I have a word in private?
Hey. Just an FYI.
While you're at the lake, Mrs. Lodge and I will be hosting a meeting here at the Pembrooke, with the major New York families.
Is everything okay?
There's been some unrest since Poppa Poutine's death, and I'd prefer Veronica safely out of town.
That cabin at Shadow Lake is a sort of safe house for us.
I'll make sure Veronica's protected, Mr. Lodge.
I'm sure you will.
But despite my daughter's wishes, Andre will be there, unseen but nearby.
I hope I can trust you to keep that between us.
You know, man to man.
I was checking out a few places.
There's that one building on Franklin and Sycamore.
Dad, there's living on the wrong side of the tracks and then there's living directly over the tracks.
I'm a soda jerk at Pop's, Jughead.
We're not gonna be moving into the Pembrooke.
Well we shouldn't have to move at all.
No one in this trailer park should have to move.
This is just Hiram Lodge's vendetta against us.
Look, he is planning something, Dad, something big and bad. I just...
I just have to figure out a different angle.
Hey, there's this new movie, Love, Simon, playing at the Bijou this weekend.
It's a John Hughesian coming-of-age, coming-out movie.
Yeah, no, I'm already going.
You can come with us, if you want. She wouldn't mind.
Really? Midge is that open-minded?
[STAMMERS] Yeah, she knows all about us.
I told her, she's cool with it.
Cool, right, yeah.
You know what? I think I'm gonna pass.
It's all a little too Big Love for me.
[VERONICA] Fair warning.
Our Shadow Lake chalet is rustic, but it has breath-taking views of the mountains, the water...
Oh, my God. That sounds heavenly, Vee.
What do you say, Jug?
Can you bear it?
As long as it's cool with your dad.
- Mr. Lodge actually suggested it.
Well, then, cue the dueling banjos.
And it'll also be a good chance for me to work on my novel.
But remember, the point of this luxury weekend is to relax and unplug.
"Luxury" and "weekend", two of my favorite words.
So, where are we going, and how extravagant a wardrobe should I pack?
Sorry, Cheryl. It's kind of a romantic, couples-only weekend.
Well, have fun with your romances.
Babe, don't get me wrong, I'm thrilled you're up for this weekend away, but why am I also slightly suspicious?
Possibly because I need a new source of intel for my article on Hiram Lodge, and I was just thinking that could be Veronica.
She's on the inside of her family business. Maybe I can...
Okay, one... Can you please not investigate my best friend when she's nice enough to invite us both to her family's cabin?
And two... Ever since that night, it's like...
Chic is everywhere.
I need this weekend to be an escape.
Solemnly promise I'll behave myself.
[BETTY] Be down in a second, Jug.
You must be Chic.
You're Betty's boyfriend.
You work at the Bijou?
You know what happened here?
Don't worry. I'm someone you can trust.
If you tell anyone, it'll be bad for Betty and Alice.
Ready. Let's go.
See ya, Chic.
When I was younger, we'd come here every summer, whenever my dad could sneak away for a weekend.
Veronica wasn't kidding.
It really was the last house on the left.
[ANDRE] I'll help you with the bags.
No, no, we've got it. Archie?
We'll see you Sunday night at :
p.m., and not a second earlier.
Betty, wait till you see the inside.
I'm sure Mr. Lodge explained if there's any trouble, I'm a phone call away, all right?
Welcome to what I humbly like to call, "Lodge Lodge."
[CHERYL] How's the lake house?
Are you all settled in and spooning yet?
- Who is this?
- It's Cheryl, you welfare baby.
I just wanna make sure you know that Archie and Betty kissed in front of my house right before Christmas, and that it seemed pretty serious.
Like, with-tongues serious.
Enjoy your couples-only weekend. Kisses to all, bye now.
Jug? What happened? Are you okay?
That was Cheryl.
She said you and Archie kissed in front of her house.
That's all. Enjoy your couples-only weekend. Kisses to all, bye now.
Did you just tell Jughead that Archie and Betty kissed?
Yes. So what if I did?
Did you at least have a reason?
Oh, that's right... You're new here.
Hi. I'm Cheryl Blossom, AKA Cherry Bombshell, which means I need no reasons.
I simply am.
Feel free to tremble.
I have a better idea.
Why don't you tell me what's bothering you?
Because clearly you're in a lot of pain.
[SHOUTS] Get your Sapphic, serpent hands off my body!
[ARCHIE] You think they're gonna break up?
That would be, like, the twelfth time this year.
We didn't break up over it.
That's for telling me about it when you did.
For trusting me.
Shows how strong we are together.
- Us against the world.
Do you want the top or bottom drawer?
Jug, can we please talk about this already?
Betty, I'm not mad about the kiss.
But I am wondering why you didn't tell me when I told you about Toni.
I wanted to tell you.
Is it because you think Archie's my third rail?
I mean, you guys grew up next to each other.
Your bedroom windows literally face one another.
That used to bother me, but after everything we've been through, recently, I'm not intimidated by a Black Hood-prompted kiss.
[BED FRAME SQUEAKING]
Oh, my God!
Are they serious?
Is that their response to everything?
Can't they ever just have, like, a conversation?
[BETTY] Hi, guys.
Because you guys haven't tried my jalapeno margaritas.
Who wants one?
[JUGHEAD] I'd like to propose a toast.
To the Lodges, to their hospitality.
And to putting the past behind us.
So, your parents come up here a lot these days, Veronica?
Not as much as they'd like.
Daddy's such a workaholic, you know.
On the SoDale project?
How's that going? Is that heating up?
- Still getting intense?
- It is.
Luckily, Archie's dad is doing such a superb job of keeping engrything on schedule.
Vee, tell us more about your fancy neighbors.
Yeah, are they in the same business as your dad?
- Jughead! I mean it.
- Guys, what's up?
Betty, I'm just making idle conversation.
I'm sorry, please continue.
It's a hodgepodge, really.
Some are in entertainment, some are in business, some are in real estate.
[JUGHEAD] You know what's weird?
As we were driving up here, I noticed that none of the houses had mailboxes or numbers or anything on 'em...
Why is that?
Shadow Lake is a pretty private community.
Like they're hiding something?
Jughead, seriously, this isn't Questions.
[WHISPERS] Toxic twin alert.
I knew things weren't kosher in the state of Bughead.
[CLEARS THROAT] Guys...
I'm picking up some residual tension from, I'm guessing, Cheryl's Random Act of Cruelty earlier.
- What? No.
- Uh, no.
Which is understandable.
Fear you not though, I have just the antidote.
Step one. Clothes off, swimsuits on.
Ah. I don't know about you guys, but I'm feeling better already.
Okay, so, full disclosure time.
When Archie told me about the kiss, I absorbed it, processed it, and in the end, I bear no ill will towards my beau nor my bestie.
But has the thought of it haunted me these last few weeks?
A tiny bit, yeah.
And now, clearly, Betty and Jughead, you guys are caught up in the aftermath.
So to clear the air amongst us, Jughead and I should kiss.
Veronica, are you nuts?
Well, wait a minute, I don't know.
Veronica and I kissing might help to, uh...
What's the sports term, Archie?
Uh... Level the playing field?
Betty, a little help here?
- You're not upset though?
No, really, I'm not upset.
- But I'm human.
What if a future me tries to use your kiss with Archie against some future you?
A Vughead kiss, right now, in the present might be precisely what it takes to save a future Bughead from imploding.
Archie, come on, man.
It's just a stupid kiss.
Don't freak out.
Just trust me.
Huh. You know what I just realized?
Out of the four of us, only you and Archie haven't kissed.
Wait... What? You and Veronica?
Did it make you feel better?
It felt good watching Archie's face.
Okay, but did you enjoy kissing her?
I know entrapment when I hear it, Betty.
Because if you did, I might have to punish you.
I packed this in case you needed a distraction from your sleuthing.
Consider me distracted.
[VERONICA] Don't get me wrong, I love a good floor show.
But if this is your response to Jughead threatening your masculinity or whatever...
I'm just getting my daily workout in.
There are other ways to do that.
I'm actually kinda tired, Ronnie.
You're kidding, right?
[BED FRAME SQUEAKING]
Oh, my God!
[ARCHIE SPEAKING INDISTINCTLY]
- What the hell is going on here?
Your father asked me to stay on...
Your dad's doing business back in Riverdale.
He's hosting a meeting of the other families and he just wanted to make sure we...
You... Would be safe.
Wait, you knew?
Well, here's what's going to happen.
You're gonna call my dad, and tell him that your cover's blown because you're a horrible spy.
And then you're leaving, immediately.
Veronica, I don't think it's such a great idea to just send Andre away.
You need to give me some space, okay?
I'm getting Betty, and we're going into town, alone, just us girls, and you can stay here and entertain Jughead.
Oh, and try not to choke on your own testosterone while you're at it.
- [TOM GIGGLING]
[BOTH] Hey, Josie!
Tom and I were just discussing the new security system we're installing at the law firm.
Yeah, well you two do enjoy working together, so...
- Well, I should probably get back to the station.
We talked about this.
Tom and I care about each other.
I know. It's just...
to see him here with you like that.
Especially when Dad doesn't know.
he does know.
I told him.
We were going to wait til after you graduated, but...
Are you getting a divorce?
Because of Sheriff Keller?
Is he getting a divorce, too?
He hasn't talked to his wife yet.
She's still overseas.
Or Kevin. But, Josie, we have to respect that.
[JUGHEAD] Did you know that Betty and Veronica kissed?
What? What are you talking about?
Apparently, first week of school.
During cheerleading try-outs.
Bee and Vee kissed.
I couldn't tell you.
Betty tried explaining it last night, but the rationale still eludes me.
About me kissing Betty...
There's really no good excuse.
Admittedly, this is all way more complicated than any of us could have planned.
Take you and me, for example.
I'm your best guy friend, right?
And Betty is your best girl friend.
So your best friends are dating.
But Bee and Vee are also best friends.
So, your best friend's girlfriend is also your girlfriend's best friend.
You understand what I'm trying to say?
Uh, no, not really.
It should be amazing that we're all so close.
But sometimes it terrifies me.
It's like the four of us are in a powder keg.
All it would take is one match, and we'd all blow up.
Great toss, Archie.
[KEVIN] I'm so glad you called, Josie.
I was just thinking about this year's musical, which I'm directing.
And I want it to be a star vehicle for you.
You might not want that after I tell you why I called.
[SHERIFF KELLER] Hey, buddy, what're you doing here?
You and Josie's mom. Is that true?
Okay, well, what have you heard?
So it is true.
Mom is risking her life every single day, and you're here running around with your boss.
God, I spent my whole life trying to live up to your standards...
- But it's all crap!
[VERONICA] So, Betty...
Unless that was some seriously aggressive hand-holding I heard through the wall last night...
When did that start?
The night of your confirmation.
Well, as my abuelita likes to say, "Praise Jesus."
Hi, I'd like this and this.
And, oh, the last time I was here, you had the most scrumptious scones.
Yeah. Yeah, my grandma makes 'em, but just during the summer for the summer people.
Oh. That's when we normally come up.
Thought I recognized you.
You've got one of those places on Shadow Lake, right?
But you're usually with your folks.
Yeah, they're back in, um...
I was about to say New York, but we're in Riverdale now.
That hick town?
I bet they don't even know what to do with you there.
No, they do not.
What's your name, handsome?
Okay, enough flirting here.
You had a fight with Archie, you didn't break up with him.
So, how's it been? You know, with you and Jughead?
Oh. Things have been nice.
Nice is not what I heard last night.
Okay, well, you know what I wore that night
we got Chuck into that hot tub?
- Betty, what?
Are you still mad at me?
But you can make it up to me by remembering one thing.
And it's simple and non-negotiable.
From now on, it's me and you, not you and my dad, okay?
If that's Cheryl, tell her everyone kissed everyone and it's over.
It's my dad.
Hey, Dad, what's up?
Jughead! Jughead, hey, you're not gonna believe it.
Uh, hold on, I can't really hear you. Hold on a sec.
Yeah, everyone's over here celebrating!
Listen, the eviction notices, the back rent... It's all gone!
Paid in full! No one has to move out!
That's amazing! How did this happen?
You! You shamed him into it.
He did a complete .
Who did? What are you talking about?
Hiram... Hiram Lodge.
He just bought Sunnyside Trailer Park and he said we can all stay.
First your dad buys the drive-in, now no owns Sunnyside Trailer Park.
As I suspected, he's gobbling up the Southside, piece by piece...
[ARCHIE] Wait, slow down.
Mr. Lodge is the one evicting people from the trailer park?
No, technically, he cleared us of our debts and revoked the evictions.
Does that mean you get to keep your trailer?
Yes, so why are you outraged?
Because it's a tactic.
It's a smokescreen, PR .
He's trying to buy my silence again.
Good Lord, Jughead, how much of a narcissist are you?
Jughead, you wrote an article attacking Mr. Lodge and demanding that he makes amends.
It sounds like that's what he's trying to do.
They do kind of have a point.
[ARCHIE] Look, Jug, I know you love conspiracies, but take the win, bro, and let's celebrate.
[MAYOR MCCOY] I credit you with a lot of things, Josie, but being cruel is not one of them.
Tom told me what you said to Kevin.
Yeah, well, I think he deserved to know the truth.
So maybe he could save his parents' marriage.
Now Kevin's not talking to his father, and Tom's trying to reach his wife. It's a mess.
Yeah, like what you did to us.
Imploding our lives?
Without even telling me?
I did not implode our lives, the Lodges did.
It's not how I wanted things to come out, but that choice was taken away from me.
Just like you took it away from Tom and Kevin.
[SOFTLY] I wasn't trying to hurt them.
And I wasn't trying to hurt you, either.
You here with anyone?
Hey, Moose. Midge.
Nope. Uh, I'm alone.
In that case, grab your plate and come sit with us.
- Right, Moose?
- Yeah, definitely.
The more the merrier.
Why the hell not?
So, Kevin, who are you meeting at the movie?
Oh, no, I don't have a date.
I'm just going to this gay rom-com alone.
No. No, that's crazy. We need to find you someone.
What about one of those new Southside guys?
I hear one of them's gay.
If it's Fangs Fogarty, I don't think I can date someone named Fangs.
I don't know, he's a good-looking dude.
Oh, my God.
Please. What do you know, you big lug?
Hey, so, how did you two, uh, get to be friends, anyway?
- [CLEARS THROAT]
- Uh, we, um...
- We were...
You're not here to tell me more bad news, are you?
'Cause I don't think I can take that right now.
I had to get out of the house, so I came here.
And I saw you and, um...
I'm sorry about what I said.
I... It wasn't my place to do that.
I was just hurting and mad at my mom.
It's okay, Josie.
You here with somebody?
Let me guess... Some cherry cola for Cheryl Bombshell.
Oh, my God. What do you want?
And why do you keep stalking me?
I came to see this movie with Fangs and he bailed on me.
Are you okay?
I'm alone at the movies and I'm trying to stay away from my mother, who has turned our house into her sexual playpen.
So, no, I'm really not.
Well, I was gonna go grab a seat alone, unless you want some company.
But no pressure.
[EMILY] But these last few years, it's almost like I can feel you holding your breath.
You are still you, Simon.
You get to be more you than you have been in a very long time.
You deserve everything you want.
[VERONICA] I have a hotel in Park Place, which brings your total to $ , .
Sorry, Bee. It's nothing personal.
Yeah, I know. It's just business.
Ew. It's my mom.
Should I answer it?
What if it's about Chic? Let me just...
Hey, Mom, what's up?
By the way, when are we ever gonna get to meet Chic?
I actually did before we left.
And how is he?
Honestly, he's kinda creepy.
- [BETTY] Guys...
- Everything okay?
My mom is freaking out because Hiram Lodge just bought the Riverdale Register.
My mom is losing her mind.
My dad's not answering her calls.
Veronica, did you know your dad was buying the Register?
What? No, Betty, of course not.
See, this is what I'm talking about.
- Don't tell me to relax...
- Is that why you brought us up here?
To get us out of town while your dad was doing these things?
Okay, now who sounds crazy?
Lodge Industries has been buying properties all over the Southside.
Now he buys the one newspaper in town, so people can't report on what he's doing?
It's a classic gambit of mobsters and criminals.
Shut the hell up, Jughead.
Archie, this one's pretty simple, so even you might be able to get this if you stopped kissing up to Hiram for, like, two seconds.
How many times have I defended you?
And now you turn and stab my family in the back?
It sounds to me like you should be mad at your dad for selling the newspaper, not mine.
Yeah, there's nothing, like, evil about buying a newspaper.
He's trying to silence the free press, Archie.
He's trying to keep Mrs. Cooper from coming after him.
I am so sick of your vendetta against my dad.
He's done plenty of good things.
Oh, like what? Name one thing.
He paid my dad's medical bills.
Boy, Archie, Veronica's got you wrapped around her little finger.
And other parts of her body.
Oh! I'm sorry.
I'm sorry we don't spend our time being tragic and moping and holding hands while watching serial killer documentaries.
Oh, and wearing costumes to role-play to get our rocks off.
- Where did that come from?
- Who else knows we're here?
Why'd you say it like that?
- [DOOR OPENS]
- Oh, my God.
You rich summer folks never learn.
You just keep walking around town, flashing more cash than we see in a year.
We're gonna take what we want, and then we're gonna go.
If you guys behave yourselves, nobody gets their skulls knocked in.
Fine, take what you want.
We won't give you any trouble.
Where's your purse?
In my bedroom.
- Let's go to the bedroom.
- [ARCHIE] No.
No way are you going with her up there alone. I'll go.
Archie, it's fine.
I'll be fine.
We'll be right back.
Everybody just needs to stay calm.
It's over there.
I'm just going to pick it up, okay?
Why are you doing this?
You think I don't recognize you?
From the store?
Shut up and get your wallet.
Can we go already?
You got the cash?
Yeah. I got the cash.
Then you got what you wanted.
Not everything, not yet.
Why don't you all get down on your knees?
Come on, man, let's not do this.
I said, on your knees.
Hands behind your backs.
[SHOUTS] Do it!
It's a nice cabin.
I'm sorry we have to make such a mess in it.
The hell is that?
That would be the security company calling to check on the silent alarm I hit in my bedroom.
I'd say you hillbillies have about seconds to run for it before this place is swarming with guards who will shoot first and ask questions never.
[TELEPHONE CONTINUES RINGING]
Screw you, rich bitch.
- [VERONICA] Archie, don't!
- [JUGHEAD] No, Arch!
There were some other guys with him. Did you see them?
Go back to the cabin.
I'll take it from here.
What? What are you gonna do?
I said, I'll take care of it.
First of all, thank you, Mom and Sheriff Keller for coming to meet me and Kevin.
We promise you this isn't a trap.
It's that Kevin and I were talking after the movie, and we thought...
This conversation is bigger than just two people.
It's bigger than the people in this booth, even.
And it's probably gonna be a long one, so we should get started.
Now you may think you've mastered the art of silent tears, but I saw you crying during that movie, Cheryl.
I never cry at movies.
Real life's tragic enough.
But when Simon's mom said he used to be such a carefree kid, growing up, and then at a certain point he stopped being that happy kid because he was hiding a secret, it just...
Everyone thinks I'm this loveless monster, but it isn't true.
[SOBS] I loved someone who loved me.
And my mother destroyed it.
You mean your brother Jason?
I heard how close you guys were.
No, not Jay-Jay.
Her name was Heather.
She was my best friend in junior high.
She used to sleep over every weekend.
[SOBS] Until one night, my mother caught us in the same bed.
She said I was "deviant".
Cheryl, I am so sorry.
But you have to know your mother's wrong.
You're not loveless.
You're not deviant. Okay?
Thank God Andre didn't leave when I told him to.
Thank God you didn't catch up to that hillbilly in the woods.
He might've killed you, Archie, and that would've been...
[JUGHEAD] Archie didn't say any more about what happened in the woods that terrible night.
At least, not to us.
Veronica told me what happened in the cabin.
And Andre told me the rest.
You did the right thing by telling those boys to take what they wanted and get out.
It was the smart choice.
It was the only choice.
Thank you for saying that, Mr. Lodge.
What happened between Andre and that miscreant...
Did that bother you?
What Andre did?
The night we stopped the Black Hood, there's only one thing that I regret.
I had him.
The man who tried to kill my dad, I had him.
And I hesitated.
And he might've gotten away if it wasn't for Sheriff Keller.
When it comes to protecting yourself or your loved ones, you never, ever, hesitate.
You can stop worrying now. I'm home.
As we were driving back from The Shining, I was thinking...
There's more than one kind of home invasion.
It's not always fast and violent.
Sometimes we open the door and we let the intruders in ourselves.
What do you mean?
[WHISPERING] Before we left, I got a really weird vibe from Chic.
Just be careful, okay?
[JUGHEAD] And so this chapter comes full circle.
Ending where it began.
With a girl in a house that was far from sweet, and perhaps far from safe.