06x03 - Chapter Ninety-Eight: Mr. Cypher

[bunniefuu]

There's this old folk tale I
think would make for a good story.

It's called "The Devil's Holiday."

And in it the devil visits a small town

[scoffs] in order to collect lost souls

and sow the seeds of
destruction and despair.

Yeah, here it is.

Now, there are many different

versions of this folk tale,
but in the one I'm imagining,

the name of the town is Rivervale,

and the devil that visits it
can take any number of guises.

[music playing over speakers]

No, no, you keep that

and pay me next time, Jim.

Thank you, Pop.

God bless you.

You have the biggest
heart I know, Grandpa.

Well, I don't know about that.

[chuckles]

[chuckles]

[electricity crackling]

[screams]

[groans sharply]

[china shatters]

Grandpa. Oh, my God. Grandpa!

[clock ticking]

Reggie, what are you doing?

Can't sleep.

Are you nervous about
the casino opening?

Must be, yeah.

Don't worry.

This is gonna be the biggest thing to

happen to Rivervale since maple syrup.

I love you.

I love you, Veronica.

I love you, too, Reggie.

[phone ringing]

Hello.

[man on phone] We got him, Betty.

Glen? Got who?

[Glen on phone] TBK. The Trash Bag k*ller.

Where... where... where is he?

Being transported to
Rivervale as we're speaking.

I need to get you two in the same room.

Hold on. What? Why? Why me?

I need a confession out of him.

And he says you're the
only one he'll speak to.

You, and you alone.

Are you up for this?

Yeah. Yes, I'm in.

Our call with the Gaming Control
Board got moved till : .

So you'll have to take
lead at the staff meeting.

No problem, Ronnie, but
we need to hear this.

Rivervale's new casino,
aptly named Babylonium,

is nothing short of an abomination.

If this house of sin is
allowed to open as planned,

our fair town will be damned and doomed.

You think she's going to be a problem?

Oh, spare me the spin, Veronica.
Casinos breed evil-doing.

First come the gamblers, then the
harlots, and then the whore mongers.

Alice, we're running this casino
like a corporation, which it is.

It's completely legitimate.

None of what we do here is legit.

This place was built
for one reason alone,

to separate the players and their money.

Every table, wheel, and slot machine

has been calibrated to maximize profits.

Truly, we're following every
rule and regulation to the letter.

[Reggie] Tipped roulette wheels,

phony dice, magnetized slot machines.

We put limits on drinks.

[Reggie] Ply them with
booze all night long.

And, of course, Gaming
Control Board agents

will be checking our
receipts every month.

When delivering the
chips to the counting room,

scoop one third off the top,

that's our weekly skim money.

What we use to pay the politicians,

banks and union leaders
to look the other way.

Here's an idea. Why don't you
come to our soft opening tonight?

Check out the place, see
what we're really about.

I think you'll find we're not quite

the house of the devil you're imagining.

Hmm.

[EKG machine beeping]

Good evening, Ms. Tate.

It's a pleasure to finally meet you.

I'm sorry, but who are you?

I go by many names.

Today it's Mr. Cypher.

But since I'm such an old family
friend, you can call me Lou.

I'm here for your grandfather's soul.

His... soul? [chuckles]

So what, that would make you...

[gasps]

Prince of Darkness. Yes.

My grandfather would
never sell his soul to you.

True. Terrence Tate wouldn't.

However, his father, your
great-grandfather, was less principled.

He sold his eternal soul to ensure
the success of your family diner.

Okay, but what does that have
to do with my grandfather?

When Terrence learned
what his father had done,

he couldn't bear the thought of
dear old Dad spending eternity

in the fiery pits of hell, so...

So he offered his soul
to save his father's.

Yes. Which leads us... to you.

You want my soul in exchange for Pop's?

Not at all. Just the diner.

And then your sweet grandfather
will be free of his obligation to me.

The diner.

That's it?

That's it.

Think it over, Ms.
Tate, and let me know.

But don't take too long.

Your grandfather's heart is
liable to give out at any minute.

Hey, you.

Hi.

How's Pop?

[sighing] He's stable, at least.

How are you? Are you okay?

Unsettled.

[sighs] This stranger showed up at the

hospital with a claim on Pop's soul.

Does this mean he's...

So it would appear.

But he's willing to release Pop's
soul in exchange for the diner.

What does the devil want
with the Chock'lit Shoppe?

I have no idea.

Mind if I ask him?

Maybe some other questions.

By all means.

Now, remember, this isn't
our official opening,

but we still need to be on point.

Any questions?

Good. It's go time, then.

[indistinct chatter]

Let's go place them bets.

Right this way.

Hello. Hi, welcome. This way.

Alice, welcome to
Wonderland. You look divine.

- Cute.
- Let's get you a drink

and over to the blackjack table.

Oh, I'm not here to
drink or gamble, Veronica.

I'm here to sniff out evil.

In that case, how about we
seat you close to the stage

and get you a cranberry spritzer?

You'll want a prime
seat for the floorshow.

I'm sorry. I don't mean to
intrude, but are you Kevin Keller?

In the flesh.

Ah, I thought it was you.

I caught a performance
of yours in New York

a few years back.

You were terrific.

You should be on Broadway.

Or Vegas.

Yeah. Fat chance.

I don't even have an agent.

That's absurd.

What if I say that I could
make that happen for you?

Fame, money, being a star.

Why don't I give you a taste? Then
we can discuss the finer details.

[music playing]

[crowd cheering]

♪ It's not unusual
To be loved by anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual
To have fun with anyone ♪

♪ But when I see you
Hanging about with anyone ♪

♪ It's not unusual to see me cry ♪

♪ I want to die... ♪

Okay, I just confirmed your schedule.

You are going to be finishing your
engagement here at the Babylonium.

Then you're off to New
York for your six-week run

of the Boy from Oz
opposite Hugh Jackman.

I'm sorry, Fangs. What are you doing?

Very funny, Kev. I'm Finn,
your manager and your boyfriend.

Typically, I tell you your schedule

and then we go have amazing sex in the

Babylonium Champagne Suite. Remember?

Oh. Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah,
yeah. Of course I do. Right.

♪ Love will never do ♪

♪ What you want it to ♪

♪ Why can't this crazy love be mine? ♪

♪ Oh, oh ♪

Hey, superstar. How's it all feeling?

If this is what what my life would
look like from now on, I am all in.

Read it over if you like,
but essentially it's...

Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, we're...
we're... We're all good.

[chuckles]

I'll catch you later.

Cool.

♪ Whoa, whoa! ♪

[audience cheering]

[man] You win again. Well played.

Blackjack, table . First
base. He's won the last hands.

Oh, hell, no.

Where's Reggie?

Hi, friend.

You might not be aware, but tonight
Babylonium is by invitation only.

Hi, Ms. Lodge.

Yes, I know. I'm an investor.

[chuckles] No.

I know all of our investors.

Louis Cypher. I made my investment
with your partner, Reggie.

Where is he, I wonder.

It doesn't matter.

You're dealing with me now, and
I'm shutting this table down.

That's no problem.

There's plenty more
for me to do in town.

I'll get my due here
at midnight on Saturday.

And what's your due?

Oh, not much.

A soul.

Ah, I see.

Louis Cypher. Lucifer. Cute.

Now, I'm gonna have to
ask you to leave. Quietly.

Always.

But I'll be back on Saturday.

Reggie, there was a shark
bleeding us dry tonight.

Who was he?

You tell me.

He claimed to be an investor.

As well as the devil...

looking to claim a soul.

Ronnie, that guy is the devil.

- What?
- When we were looking for investors,

I got an incoming call from him.

He said he could provide
us with the rest of

the money we needed in
exchange for... a soul.

My soul.

And he's here to collect it
this Saturday night at midnight.

You've got to help me.

If anyone can outwit the
devil, Ronnie, it's you.

Well, you're right about that.

[inhales deeply]

Okay. [sighs] I'm gonna
think of something.

But in the meantime, do you
have his number by any chance?

I'm happy to see you again,
Betty. It's being too long.

But don't you want to see my real face?

This is your real face.

But if you mean your human
face, that will come soon enough.

- My boss wants a confession from you.
- Hmm.

He wants you to admit to all
of the atrocious things in here.

That's what your boss wants.

But what do you want, Betty?

I don't give a damn about a confession.

I know you did these things.

I just want to know... does evil,

absolute evil... exist?

And are you it?

Ask your real question, Betty,

and then I will confess my sins.

I don't have to play
these mind games with you.

[takes deep breath]

No one cares that
you're here. [chuckles]

So you can sit in your
filth for all I care.

And I'll just come back tomorrow.

Yes, Betty, absolute evil exists.

And yes, there's a part of you

that is absolutely % evil.

You're caked in it. It's
what draws us to each other.

[breathing heavily]

You've got to get this
guy out of Rivervale, Glen.

I'm not getting any
information out of him.

Uh, he's toying with me, and I
just won't be his plaything again.

Betty, what in God's name
are you talking about?

Who's toying with you?

TBK, Glen.

Or is there another serial k*ller in

custody that you want me to interview?

Betty, the Trash Bag
k*ller is not in custody.

Hey, are you okay? Do... [sighs]

Do I need to come up to
Rivervale and check on you?

I'll call you back, Glen.

[EKG machine beeping]

Grandpa, you're awake.

Did you see him?

Yes.

But I'm making a new deal with him.

Your soul in exchange for the diner.

You... can't sell the diner, Tabitha.

Grandpa, it's bricks and plaster.

It's so much more than that, honey.

Over the years, it's become a
refuge for the lost and persecuted.

That's why the devil wants it.

Pops is the soul of Rivervale,
which he wants to destroy,

and that's why you
cannot let him have it.

Mr. Cypher.

Hi, Veronica Lodge calling
with a counter proposal.

There's an old friend of mine who
I've invited to Babylonium tonight,

and I suspect you'll find his soul

much more deserving of
damnation than Reggie's.

[Mr. Cypher] Color me
intrigued, Ms. Lodge.

I'll see you tonight.

[sighs]

Are you surprised that I
called you here, Mr. Cypher?

Nothing surprises me
these days, Mr. Jones.

I've been looking for
something to inspire my writing,

to get my creative juices flowing.

And I figured an interview with
the devil would do just that,

but I'm... I'm... I'm not
gonna sell my soul for it.

Okay?

I see.

Well, huh, I'll grant you this exclusive

if you agree to one of these terms.

We do the interview, you publish it,

you receive all the fame and
notoriety we all yearn for.

But afterwards,

you'll never be able to write again.

Or?

Or I'll give you this
raw, mind-blowing tell-all,

but everything I say remains between us.

You can't publish a word.

In fact, you may never
publish anything again,

but you'll find your creative juices

flowing like Niagara Falls.

I agree to your terms.

I only ask that you allow
me to choose my option

after we conclude the interview.

That seems fair.

Please start at the beginning.

He's here, Ronnie.

[sighs]

Nick St. Clair. All grown
up, but still a sleazeball.

We'll just let him get
nice and liquored up first.

And there you have it,
the story of my life

and all the universe's
mysteries revealed.

So, what'll it be?

Publish and never write
again, or file it away forever

and happily scribble away in
obscurity for the rest of your days?

Option one. I need to
publish this interview.

And receive all the fame and
glory that will come from it.

[whispers] Fabulous.

Darling Nicky, you made it.

Of course.

You know I could never turn down
an invitation from you, Ronnie.

Even though I am happily married.

Remember, Senator,

what happens in Babylonium...
stays in Babylonium.

So, catch me up, Nicky.

It's been years.

I'm assuming you're
still a very naughty boy.

[chuckles] I plead the Fifth.

Come on, Nicky.

- Don't get shy on me.
- [glasses clink]

What can I say?

Details are a turn-on for me.

The more specific you are, the
more hot and bothered I get.

Well, in that case, I
haven't paid taxes in years.

And I drink and drive
two to three times a week.

Any hit-and-runs?

Three.

- All covered up.
- What about harassment?

Oh, I've lost count of how many
NDAs my lawyers have arranged

for my staff and interns.

Affairs?

You mean, besides the one
I'm about to start with you?

Cutting to the chase,

would you say that you deserve
the hot burning fires of hell?

As long as you're holding the pitchfork.

Would you sell your
soul to the devil for me?

Whatever it takes.

[chuckles]

Is that good enough?

Is what good enough?

[Mr. Cypher] Yes.

In this instance,

that qualifies as a
verbal binding agreement.

[Nick screaming]

Goodbye, Senator.

I'm glad our deal
worked out, Mr. Cypher.

Indeed. I will not touch
a hair on Reginald's head.

But you and I are still
on for tomorrow, of course.

What do you mean?

Our business is done.

Reginald's soul was never on the table,

it was your soul that I was promised.

Mine?

How is that possible?

Hmm. You might want to ask
your partner that question.

Publish...

or perish?

[keyboard clicks]

[chimes]

[Betty] New question.

Who are you?

Because you're sure as hell not TBK.

I'm the devil, Betty.

Okay. So if evil exists,

- and you're the devil...
- [softly] Mmm.

Hell is a real place then?

Oh, yes.

Well, tell me, is my dad there?

He is.

So, if I asked you to prove to me

that what you're saying is true...

could I speak to my father?

[gasps in Hal 's voice] Betty?

- Betty, what's happening?
- Dad.

Betty, where am I?

You have to get me out of here.

Betty, it hurts. It hurts so bad!

If it's really you, Dad,
I need you to focus, okay?

Where would you always take me
after my Little League games?

You... you...

you mean Chaz E. Cheddar's on Route ?

[Veronica] Reggie!

Oh, crap.

[Veronica sighs]

I want the truth, Reginald.

- Now.
- Okay.

I offered my soul to Mr.
Cypher and he didn't want it.

He said it was a
miserable, paltry thing.

It is.

So, then you offered mine instead?

He asked for it.

He said yours would be the real prize.

Oh, my God. So you sold
me down the River Styx?

How did this happen? I
didn't even sign a contract.

You know those, uh,
weekly invoices you sign?

I slipped a contract

in one of those stacks

and gave you Mr. Cypher's pen to use.

- [shrieks]
- [Reggie gasps]

Ronnie, I'm sorry. Forgive me.

I only agreed to it because
I knew you'd figure a way out.

Get out

of my sight.

You've done enough.

Out! Now!

[electricity crackling]

Mr. Cypher.

- [bell tolls]
- Ms. Lodge.

So, listen.

I might be open to a renegotiation.

A soul in exchange for yours.

But not another of those
Nick St. Clair types.

What about that

holy roller that's
trying to shut you down?

Alice?

You get me her signature

using my pen,

and I'll release your soul.

Otherwise, you and I
have a date at midnight.

[cell phone ringing]

Hello?

[reporter] Is this Forsythe
Pendleton Jones III?

Yeah.

[chuckling] Hi. David Fenwick
with The Associated Press.

We read your interview with the devil.

It's incredible. We'd
love to pick it up.

The entire world needs
to read what you wrote.

So, after the AP picked up my story,

my phone wouldn't stop ringing.

- [phone ringing]
- Hang on, let me call you back.

I even got a call from...

- Samm?
- Kid, your article's amazing.

I never should have dropped
you as a client. I apologize.

But will you please let
me be your agent again?

Before you answer, hear me out.

I've been in touch with
the Pulitzer people.

Now, because I'm me, I gotta ask.

What are you writing next?

Oh. Mr. Hubbard.

Hi.

What can I get you?

I don't have any money. But I thought,

in exchange for a bowl of
soup, I could wash some dishes.

You do not need to wash any dishes.

Just have a seat.

I will bring you a bowl of soup.

Bless you. Thank you

That was very kind of you.

Oh, well,

that's just what we do
here at Pop's. [chuckles]

Yes.

Even when facing the
direst of circumstances,

you show compassion and kindness.

Such a virtue should be
rewarded, don't you think?

I'm sorry. Do I know you?

I'm a great admirer of your
grandfather and all his good deeds.

Forgive me. I don't quite understand.

You might say I'm one of the good guys.

[heavenly music plays]

My name is Rafael.

And my boss

likes what you and your
family are doing here.

And He wants to make sure you're
prepared for a battle that's coming.

One in which your diner
will play an important role.

- He wanted you to have this.
- [heavenly music plays]

[knock on door]

Alice.

Thank you for coming
in on such short notice.

I know how busy you are.

I am.

But you said you had an offer for me.

I do.

I want to donate

a percentage of Babylonium's weekly
earnings to the town of Rivervale.

To be allocated at your discretion.

My discretion?

I want you to be my
point-person on this, discreetly.

And I have a direct
deposit here ready to sign,

if this sounds at all amenable to you.

As a matter of fact, it does.

You know, I knew you
weren't all bad, Veronica.

Alice, stop!

What? What's wrong?

What's wrong...

is that...

you're a pain in the ass.

[scoffs]

But you don't deserve to burn in hell.

- [scoffs]
- I've changed my mind.

Leave.

If you thought that I was
a thorn in your side before,

get ready for what's coming next.

It was...

a dark and stormy night.

[exhales]

Who knew the devil would be so literal?

[TBK] Back for more, Betty?

- If you're the devil...
- Mmm.

And you've come to me, it's
because you want something from me.

So what is it?

Your loyalty.

There is a w*r brewing, Betty.

The one between good and evil.

Pledge your allegiance to me

and I'll release your father
from endless suffering.

Why do you need me?

Because it is foretold.

"I saw a woman sit upon
a scarlet-colored beast,

full of blasphemy, and that
woman was Babylon the Great,

mother of all destruction
and abomination."

You are that woman, Betty.

Really?

I'm the whore of Babylon
from the Book of Revelation?

[whispers] I don't think so.

And as for my father's suffering,

I don't care about it.

What if I told you

Polly's in hell, too?

[stutters]

Uh...

I wouldn't believe you

because Polly doesn't
deserve to be there.

Doesn't she though?

[in Polly's voice] Betty.

Betty, make it stop! It burns, Betty!

It burns so, so much!

My skin! My skin...

Betty, it's coming off.

- Everything hurts so much.
- Stop it.

- Stop it! Stop it! Stop torturing her!
- [Polly screaming]

Stop it!

[TBK laughing]

[Betty sighs]

- [Polly continues screaming]
- [TBK continues laughing]

[grunting]

[screams]

And let me guess.

The face of evil is mine, right?

Glen?

[Mr. Cypher] Yes, it's Glen.

And when I called him using your voice,

saying I needed him...

well, he couldn't come any faster.

He must've really cared about you.

[Reggie] Hey, Ronnie,
sorry to bother you.

I know you've got a lot on your plate...

but the weekly skim guys are
here to collect their cut.

Um...

do you want me to handle it?

Actually, no.

Let them in.

I want to thank them personally.

For what?

For giving me...

a hope in hell.

Oh, and tell Kevin
to take the night off.

I'll be delivering our
eleven o'clock number.

My swansong.

Ending right at the stroke of midnight.

You called me, Mr. Jones. I came.

What seems to be the problem?

I don't want it.

I don't want it. I
don't want the Pulitzer.

I... I don't want the fame. I don't
want the fortune. Please, take it back.

Please, take it back. I need
to be able to write again.

Of course.

I understand.

And I could do that.

But it would cost you.

My soul, right?

Take it.

Take it.

I'm nothing if I'm not a writer.

♪ I'm gonna marry the night ♪

♪ I won't give up on my life ♪

♪ I'm a warrior queen ♪

♪ Live passionately tonight ♪

[crowd cheering]

♪ I'm gonna marry the night ♪

♪ I'm gonna marry the night ♪

♪ I'm not gonna cry anymore ♪

♪ I'm gonna marry the night ♪

♪ Leave nothing on these
Streets to explore ♪

♪ M-m-m-marry, m-m-m-marry ♪

♪ M-m-m-marry the night ♪

♪ Oh, m-m-marry, m-m-m-marry ♪

♪ M-m-m-marry the night ♪

[door opens]

I was so pleased to hear that
you'd accepted my offer, Tabitha.

And how nice to see you
on the mend, Terrence.

I wanted him here.

Well...

we all need to sign anyway.

But before we do,

I want to make sure that
this contract is iron-clad.

And that after we sign,

my grandfather's soul is free and clear

forever.

Cross my heart and hope to die.

Terrence,

will you get us started?

What will you do with Pop's now?

The bulldozers will
be here in the morning.

If this is Pop's last night,

then I want a milkshake
to remember it by.

Delightful idea.

Make enough for three.

♪ Come and run ♪

[whooping]

♪ Turn the car round and run ♪

To eternal darkness.

How does it taste?

Now that you mention it,
the flavor is a little...

off.

[Tabitha] Oh. Well, yeah.

That would be the secret
ingredient I added.

What secret ingredient?

Tears that the Virgin Mary
shed at the Crucifixion.

[continues vomiting]

Where did you get that?

My guardian angel.

And since we have
consumed the tears as well,

we are now protected by
their holy properties.

But our deal...

Oh, yes. About that...

[Mr. Cypher grunting]

From this moment on,
Pop's is consecrated.

Protected from you and
any other force of evil.

Now, why don't you get
the hell out of our town?

♪ I'm gonna marry the night ♪

♪ I'm gonna burn a hole In the road ♪

♪ I'm gonna marry the night ♪

♪ Leave nothing on these
Streets to explore ♪

♪ M-m-m-marry, m-m-m-marry ♪

♪ M-m-m-marry the night ♪

♪ Oh, m-m-marry, m-m-m-marry ♪

♪ M-m-m-marry the night ♪

[all cheering]

[creaking]

[cell phone ringing]

Hello?

[woman] Hello, Agent Cooper?

This is Foster from Agent Scot's office.

Have you heard from Glen recently?

His wife reported him missing,
and no one can get a hold of him.

[Betty] No, I haven't heard from him.

But I'll give you a call if I do.

Hope he's okay.

[Veronica] Reggiekins.

Veronica?

You're still here?

But it's after midnight.

- What happened?
- Well...

after I finished my number,
to wild applause, might I add,

I went to the cash room to
meet with Mr. Cypher. And...

we brokered a better deal.

That's amazing. What kind of deal?

Let's just say

the devil will be joining
our little skim at the casino.

Only instead of collecting cash,

I'll be his expediter,

supplying him with one lost
soul from our floor each week

for the rest of my natural life.

You're a genius, Ronnie. You did it.

You b*at the devil.

Did you expect anything less?

[loud knocking]

You should get that, Reggie.

I think it's for you.

Who is it?

You know who it is.

His weekly skim begins tonight.

Or actually...

Sunday morning.

But...

You shouldn't have
double-crossed me, Reggie.

And you should have been more
careful about what pen you use

when signing for liquor deliveries.

As you did earlier today.

No.

[loud knocking]

Go on, Reggie.

Be a man about it.

Or he'll drag you out
kicking and screaming

like a little bitch.

[door opens]

[Reggie screams]

For people like Veronica Lodge,
this is their lot in life.

Living bet to bet, skim
to skim, scam to scam.

Always chasing that next best deal.

And so what if it costs a few hundred

or a thousand souls along the way?

Because if Rivervale
really is going to be

the final battleground
between good and evil...

is anybody's soul safe?