01x04 - Trust Me

[bunniefuu]

There you go, Billy.

Enjoy those Boston creams.

And no judgments.

Everyone deserves a cheat day.

(laughs): Yeah.

Wow. Look at all this cash, huh?

Boy, business has been great the last two weeks.

I wonder what's going on?

Hmm. You think it was the addition of a certain enterprising employee that's taken the donut world by storm?

Nah. I'm thinking it's, uh, Billy's nine consecutive cheat days.

Oh. I'm gonna be late for class.

You going back to school, Tush?

Yep.

When you're a self-employed Renaissance man like myself, you've always got to be expanding your skill set, so I'm learning to draw caricatures.

Franco: Dope.

A fellow artist.

I'm hoping to get a gig down at Navy Pier.

You see, caricature artists are kind of like the rock stars of the street performer community.

They get way more tail than bucket drummers.

Oh, right, yeah.

Let me see them.

Oh, there you go.

Arthur: Oh, is that you?

And are those bees?

Yeah.

First rule of caricature: give the people a hobby.

And I'm a beekeeper.

At least I was, until my wife got the queen in the divorce, and all the bees followed her home.

Oh.

I bet that really stung.

Hey.

Too soon.

I'm sorry.

Well, have a great class.

Thank you.

Tonight we're learning to draw décolletage, that's French for "upper boobs."

(whistles)

Oh, I'm b*at.

Yeah.

Last thing I want to do is walk six blocks to the bank and make this deposit.

Well, I can do it for you.

Uh, no. No, that's okay.

I don't want to put you out.

No, it's cool. I walk by your bank on my way home.

No. I got it.

Seriously, I don't mind.

It's windy as hell out there.

No. It's all right.

My doctor says I'm not getting enough wind.

Wait, wait, wait. Hold on.

You don't trust me, do you?

No, no, no. (grunts)

I-I don't.

Wow. All right.

No, no, no, no. Don't take it personally.

I mean, you just started two weeks ago.

I hardly know you.

What are you talking about?

I told you everything about myself.

My hopes, my dreams... even that time my dad threw me out.

Maybe it's because you wouldn't shut up about your hopes and dreams.

Seriously, why don't you trust me, hmm? 'Cause I'm young?

'Cause I smoke weed? 'Cause I've done graffiti?

'Cause I smoke weed?

You already said that.

Yeah, 'cause I smoke weed.

You forgot that.

I know, 'cause I smoke weed.

Maya, you are always sitting here with your nose in a book.

I'm studying, Fawz. I'm in graduate school.

Interesting. Are you majoring in wasting Daddy's money with a minor in never finding a husband?

Don't you have a family-owned business to foreclose on?

Not for another 45 minutes.

Arthur.

Just thought of another reason why you should trust me.

Oh, goodie.

Okay.

In sixth grade, they made me hall monitor.

They even gave me a badge.

Of course, the other kids had g*ns.

I see.

I skipped sixth grade.

I wasn't gifted. I just didn't show up and no one seemed to notice.

Here's another one: I was treasurer of the Pokémon club.

Pokémon?

Me, too.

In fourth grade?

Yeah.

Anyway, we had a car wash and guess who was in charge of the money?

Well, I don't know the names of the other kids.

Sort of limits my options.

I really don't get it.

How can you not trust this face?

Yeah, Arthur, why don't you trust me?

Maya: You know we were just talking about this in a class.

I'm taking sociology, slash psychology, slash gender studies.

Slash my wrists.

I think Arthur's issue could be a generational one.

Or maybe it's unconscious bias, or it could be racial.

Can I say it's two out of three and not say which two?

Now look, I'm just using common sense.

The kid's only been working here a couple of weeks.

Well, I believe in the goodness of people, especially Franco, who I could tell was special from the moment I met him.

I remember it was a Monday.

I think he was wearing those same pants.

And have you ever started a sentence and had no idea how to bail out of it? Oh, look, there's my table.

So no one's on my side here?

I am.

As businessmen, we must always be suspicious of our workers.

You know how Columbian drug lords make their employees work in their underwear so they cannot steal?

That is how I run my travel agency.

Maybe I should drop by sometime.

Oh, no. They're not attractive people.

That's not an issue with me.

Well, look, if it's any consolation, I trust you... to wash these.

Okay.

All right, but I'm gonna keep this up till I win you over.

Oh, joy.

Arthur, I know you don't like new things.

You won't even use a microwave.

It makes you sterile.

You're 75.

That makes you sterile.

Yeah, thank you.

The point is is that Franco is new here, and you cannot work with someone if you don't trust them.

Ha!

I said "ha!"

What?

I just think it's really interesting that you of all people are talking about trust.

Oh, come on. Get over it.

James threw up the first time he saw a dead body.

I may have let it slip to the guys at the station.

James: May have?

You put it in a group text, and named the group "James threw up after seeing a dead body."

It was a pretty gruesome scene.

A woman att*cked her husband with a lawn mower.

Chopped him into pieces.

The first thing we found was his mouth.

(gagging)

Oh, I'm sorry!

Hey, don't flush.

I want to take a picture for the guys.

Anyway, trust is a beautiful thing.

Maya: Yeah, Arthur.

And how do you know if you trust Franco if you never give him a chance?

All right, look.

If it gets you all off my back, I'll do it, okay?

Trays are clean.

Hey, listen, kid.

We're gonna close soon, so why don't you take off a little early and, uh, make this deposit for me at the bank?

Really?

Yeah.

Now, there's 700 bucks in there, so go directly to the bank and put it in the bank deposit box, okay?

No pit stops, you understand?

Yes, sir.

All right. Strip club, taco stand, bank.

What?

You're right. I'll eat at the strip club.

What?

I'm just playing, nobody eats at the strip club.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, okay.

I got this, homie.

The trick is to walk casual, so nobody knows you're carrying this much money.

Observe...

(whistles)

Where'd Franco get all that money?

Hey, man, my dog ran away.

Can you help me find him?

Yeah, sure, man.

Whoa.

Give me your backpack.

I can't man, listen.

But I'll give you everything in my wallet.

No. Don't make me use this, man.

Is that your finger?

No.

Yes, it is.

Mm-mm!

I know that voice.

Is that you Crackhead Kevin?

No.

I'm a different crackhead.

You don't know me, now give me the bag, Franco.

I told you I can't, all right?

So do you want the wallet or not?

Okay, fine.

(grunting)

Damn. You got unexpected crackhead strength, Kevin!

Don't judge me... you don't know where my regular strength ends and my crackhead strength begins.

(groans)

(car door slams, engine starts)

You called an Uber?

Oh, my God, what happened to you?

I got jumped.

They took my backpack with all your money it.

And I tried to stop him but he threw me against this gate...

Try-try not to talk.

Why, am I losing a lot of blood?

No, because it's annoying.

Did you get, did you get a good look at the guy?

Yeah, it's a dude from the neighborhood, Crackhead Kevin.

Crackhead Debbie's son? Boy the pipe doesn't fall far from the tree. Come on.

Is everything okay? I noticed the lights on when I was helping a man in a wheelchair... get out of an apartment I was evicting him from.

Franco got mugged. They took the deposit bag.

With the $700 in it.

Don't worry about that now.

The important thing is you're okay.

Now go on, clean up that wound.

I'm sorry, man.

How interesting.

The first night you give him the deposit, he is mugged.

Notice my quotes in air.

He didn't take the money, Fawz.

How do you know?

Because if he took it he would-he would have counted it, and realized that I only put $30 in it.

I don't understand.

It was a test. I was gonna take the rest of it later to the bank myself.

I knew you didn't trust him!

We are not so different you and I.

Tell me, in Sex and the City, which girl are we? Miranda, right?

My God, what have I done?

The kid risked his life for $30.

What if he finds out he risked his life for $30?

Why are you so worried?

The police will never catch the mugger.

And Franco will never know how much was in the bag.

Your secret is safe.

(siren wails)

Be cool, be cool.

Be cool... put a foot...

Uh, uh...

All right, which one?

Pick a side!

Arthur, Franco just called.

Is he okay?

There's nothing you can prove!

Just a couple guys talking about Sex and the City.

Stop it.

He got banged up a little bit.

He's in the bathroom washing up.

Hey. Thanks for getting here so quick.

No problem.

Just tell us what happened.

Okay.

Starting with exactly how much was stolen.

Well, it was $700. Right, Arthur?

(stammers) Well, maybe, you know, a little bit more.

(quietly): Or a whole lot less.

Why are the police here?

What's going on?

Franco's giving us a statement. He was just mugged.

Gosh, if there was someone, anyone, who could help with a police sketch.

Oh, here he is.

Come on, y'all. I already know who did it.

It was Crackhead Kevin.

Is that Crackhead Daryl's cousin?

How many crackheads are in this family?

Randy: There are six.

We call 'em the Crackdashians.

We're still gonna need a description.

Arthur: Oh, come on!

You're not gonna make him relive it.

He's already been through enough.

No, we're getting the money back.

He was black, probably in his mid 30s.

Eye color? Hair color?

Did he have any hobbies? Soccer, fishing, gymnastics?

Oh! Does he like bees?

We'll call it in, but I got to be honest with you guys, the odds of getting that money back are pretty slim.

Yeah, crackheads tend to be impulse buyers.

Of cr*ck.

No problem! It's only money! R-Right? Right? Right?

Arthur, I'm gonna pay you back No. every dime.

No, don't be crazy.

You haven't got that kind of money.

No, but my Grandma CiCi got me a savings bond when I was a kid, and I was saving up for art school...

I'm not gonna take it.

Fine, let me work overtime then.

Or I'll get another job.

Or I'll sell my Jordans.

Will you stop?

Dude, let me make this up to you.

You-you gave me a job, and I screwed up. All right?

And I'm-I'm not gonna rest till I get your $700 back.

Look, it wasn't $700.

It was $30, okay?

Wait...

Wait, what are you talking about?

Look, I was just trying to find out if I could trust you. All right?

So this was some sort of test?

Yeah, but the good news is you passed.

Hmm? So, yay.

I can trust you now. (chuckles)

Put 'er there, homie.

I can't believe you, man.

(sighs)

But...

Hey, wouldn't it be funny if he got mugged again?

Not ha-ha funny. Ironic!

Oh, hey! There he is!

Some may say he's ten minutes late, but I say he's ten minutes great!

Drop it, Arthur.

Oh. Hey, hey, come on.

I said I'm sorry about yesterday, all right?

Did you get my texts?

Nope.

Really?

I sent you a bunch of them telling you how terrible I felt.

I also sent you a sad face and a peace sign.

And a Japanese flag, but that was an accident.

Well, I didn't get 'em.

Well, who did?

Arthur, thank you for your texts.

I don't know what you did, but of course I forgive you.

Your emotional plea has broken down my walls.

Those texts were not for you.

Oh. Well, then my walls just got five feet taller.

Now, look, I was thinking, maybe I ought to give you a few more responsibilities around here.

Arthur, stop feeling guilty, all right? I get it.

I've only worked here two weeks, right?

Hmm?

So, listen, I'm just gonna shut up, do my job, and collect my paycheck.

Oh, come on. Come on, I... Hey, don't be like that.

Would you two please stop fighting?

You're just like my parents, except with way more sexual chemistry.

Our family therapist taught us an exercise for rebuilding trust that I think would help you.

Would you sit here and give it a sh*t?

Yes, yes, I will. And so will he.

If you want to get your paycheck.

Fine.

Now, eye contact is a way of expressing vulnerability.

So I want you to hold hands and look at each other in the eyes for a full 60 seconds.

Come on.

Sorry my hands are sweaty.

And rough.

Like a dog's tongue.

Yours are surprisingly soft.

It's cocoa butter.

I never held the hands of a black man before, you know?

What?

No, it's nice. I could get used to it.

I'm done. I can't do this anymore. I'm out of here.

Franco, look what the cr*ck dragged in.

Is this the guy who mugged you?

Yeah, that's him.

Um... I don't think so.

How'd you know I play soccer?

That's him. Crackhead Kevin.

Yo, man. Stop calling me that.

I'm on lots of stuff.

Why's everyone always got to focus on the cr*ck?

Just take him to the car.

Yeah.

Man, Franco, $30?!

You was walking like you had a lot of money in that bag!

I trusted you.

Oh, see that? Crackheads trust me more than you.

Oh, come on! What's it gonna take to make you understand that I trust you, all right?

What have I got to do, put my life in your hands?

You know...? Wait, I could do that.

What are you... what are you doing?

I-I'm... Hey, wh-what is it called where you catch someone?

Marriage?

Huh? No.

A trust fall. That's right. I'm gonna get up here and do a trust fall. You're gonna catch me.

Maya: Arthur, no.

No, no, that's too high!

Yeah, and people eat on there.

Eh, don't worry about it.

Because he's gonna catch me.

You ready?

One, two...

(others protesting)

I'm not doing this.

Hey, come on.

Where you goin'?!

Hey, get back here.

One, two...

Be careful!

Yes, you have your whole... a couple of years ahead of you.

All right, we're gonna do this one more time, huh?

One, two...

Arthur, get down.

I don't even care anymore.

Okay? And it's not like you're the first boss who didn't trust me.

I get it.

I'm young, I'm black.

It comes with the territory.

Y... I just thought you'd be different.

So, you gonna go talk to him or should we start throwing dollar bills at you?

Hey.

You taking the garbage out?

Yeah.

You know, I think the beauty salon next door has been using our Dumpster.

The garbage is full of hair and nail clippings.

Man, I hope it's the salon.

Hey, look, you got to understand, the reason I didn't trust you is because...

Well, it-it's very hard for me to, uh, trust... people.

Yeah. I got it.

Hey, did I ever show you a picture of my first employee?

No, you didn't.

Look. Yeah.

This is our company Christmas party, 1970.

Isn't that your wife?

Yeah. She was my first employee.

About a month after I opened, I was looking to hire someone, and she walked in, asking for an apple fritter.

So I told her, "I'm not gonna give it to you unless you take the job."

Get it, Arthur.

(chuckles)

Oh, I got it.

So, for the next 46 years, it was just Joanie and me in here. I...

I never knew I had to trust anyone else, you know?

Wait, so I'm your... I'm your second employee?

Right. Till now, all my employees were sleeping with the boss.

I'm glad that policy has changed.

(chuckles)

Oh. She was the only other one to know about this.

What?

That's right. My safe.

Is that where you keep all your compliments and encouragement?

(chuckles) The combination is 10-26-14.

(grunts)

Ron Santo, Billy Williams...

Ernie Banks.

Ernie Banks. (chuckles)

So from now on, your job is to take the weekend deposits, put 'em in there, and then take 'em to the bank on Monday.

Sounds good.

Yes, it does.

What's this?

Oh, it's just... it's a bunch of stuff that I left just in case I was the first one to go.

No, there's some recipes, account numbers, and, oh, and-and some, uh... some photos of me for her to remember me by.

Like this one?

Yeah.

Of you wearing nothing but an apron?

(chuckling): Yeah.

This apron?

Hey, hey, come on. That's from 1970.

That's a relic.

You are nasty.

What's this?

Well, since you were asking, I brought you some of my cocoa butter.

Oh, thank you. Hmm.

Now, this is just for my hands?

Give me that back. You a freak, man...

No, no.

I was talking about my knees! I have scaly knees!

(Randy sighs)

It's nice to see those two getting along again.

Yeah.

That's what real trust looks like.

Arthur: Hey, Randy, Randy.

Why don't you tell James an embarrassing secret about yourself so he can tell anyone he wants.

Would that make things better?

It would.

All right.

(sighs)

Remember that song "Maneater" by Hall & Oates?

Yeah.

It's based on me.

So your embarrassing secret is that somebody wrote a hit song about you?

Well, did you hear the lyric?

They call me a she-cat.

Are you kidding me?!

This is not embarrassing! This is cool!

And I know because I am not cool!

I'm out of here!

James, wait. How about this?

One of my boobs is bigger than the other!

Well, I tried.

Oh, by the way, I bought a new apron.

Oh.

It really bothered you, didn't it?

Yes.

Yeah. Well, you're not gonna want to sit there.

(groans) What is wrong with you?

Or there.

Oh, my God!