02x15 - Lucy Becomes A Sculptress

Complete collection of episode scripts for the TV series, "I Love Lucy". Aired October 1951 - May 1957.*
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Lucy & Ricky Ricardo live in New York, while Ricky tries to succeed in show business -- Lucy who is always trying to help -- usually ends up in some kind of trouble that drives Ricky insane.
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02x15 - Lucy Becomes A Sculptress

Post by bunniefuu »

Hi, honey.

Hi.

Say, what are you doing up so late?

Oh, I'm just looking at the pictures

in this family album.

Gee, they're wonderful.

How do you happen

to start looking at those?

Well, I guess I was wondering

what our baby might look like.

Look. This is me, eight months old.

Gee, what are you laughing at?

Look at this.

What did they call you, "fancy
pants"?

Everything's at half-mast.

Oh, now, of course at two

I was very sophisticated.

Get that hair ribbon.

I think it's cute.

Oh, no!

Well, that was just about the time

I joined the navy.

Oh-ho...

Gee, that's cute.

I think you were handsome.

I hope our baby looks the way you
did.

Oh, you're sweet.

Hey, who's that character?

Oh.

That's my great grandfather.

He was an artist.

He'd better be, in that outfit.

Well, no cracks now.

He was very good.

Gee, Ricky, isn't it wonderful--

all the musical and artistic talent

that our baby will be surrounded
with?

Yeah.

Oh, dear. Surrounded with music and
art.

Hey, who are we going to get to teach
him about art?

Well, honey, I wouldn't worry about
it.

It'll take care of itself somehow.

Well, now, it's not that easy.

Our child's artistic and cultural
future is at stake.

Well, there's just one thing for me
to do.

I know I shouldn't ask this, but what
is it?

I'll have to become an artist.

Now, Lucy, don't be ridiculous.

I'm not being ridiculous.

I undoubtedly inherited a world of
talent

from my great grandfather.

Well... where is it?

It's been sleeping for three
generations.

I just have to wake it up.

Look, will you do me a favor?

Pull down the blinds and let it
sleep.

Oh, now I'm not doing this for me,
Ricky.

I'm doing it for the future of our
child.

Well, I guess it won't hurt anything

if you dabble in some watercolors for
a while,

but don't get too involved.

You haven't got much time before the
baby gets here.

Hey, you're right.

I have to become a fine artist in
three weeks.

How do you do?

Oh, uh, how do you do?

May I help you?

Yes, I'd like some art supplies,
please.

Which of the media do you employ?

I beg your pardon?

Well, we have a complete stock of all
the media.

Media?

Uh, what you like to work in.

Oh...

...just an old smock.

Oh, I see.

Well, tell me

what do you like to use?

We have equipment for any kind of
artwork--

uh, watercolors, oils, pastel, finger
painting.

Oh, finger painting-- that sounds
good.

I won't have to buy anything.

I already have fingers.

Are these the kind you need?

Stop.

Just a minute.

Do it again.

Do what?

Hold up your hand just the way you
did it before.

Those hands.

What expression.

What symmetry.

Those long, expressive fingers.

Oh, those are the hands of a
sculptor.

They are?

They certainly are.

Oh, you must be very talented.

Well, I don't know.

I've never...

I've never sculpt...
uh... sculpteded before.

Well, I just couldn't be wrong.

No?

No.

Here.

Create something for me.

Oh, I couldn't.

I don't know how.

Try. Your talent will tell you how.

Oh, go ahead.

Don't be inhibited.

Dig right in with both hands.

Well...

Stop!
Ah!

Wait.

Did I do something wrong?

Wrong?

Was Michelangelo wrong?

I don't know.

Just a moment ago

this was a shapeless mass of clay,

and look at it now.

Just look at it--

such form, such rhythm...

such movement.

Oh, it's just something I squeezed
together.

Yes, yes,

but it's the way you squeezed it.

The world is waiting for a squeezer
like yours.

Oh, you're just saying that.

D-Do you really think that that...?

Please, please,

don't take my word for it.

You've certainly heard of our owner,

Mr. William Abbott--

the famous art connoisseur.

Oh, uh, uh, oh, yeah.

Just a moment.

Uh... Mr. Abbott!

Mr. Abbott.

I won't say a word.

You do all the talking.

Okay.

Mr. Abbott, this is Mrs., uh...

Ricardo.
Ricardo.

How do you do?
How do you do?

Uh, Mr. Abbott, I was wondering if...

This figure.

This-this-this-this...
this masterpiece.

Where did you get it?

Did it just come in?

That's what I wanted to talk to you
about, Mr. Abbott.

You see...

Oh, I'm sorry, madame.

This is not for sale.

I'm putting this in my own
collection.

Oh, well, y... you don't understand,
Mr. Abbott.

No, no, you don't understand,

Mr. Abbott.

Mrs. Ricardo just made it

before my own eyes with her own
hands.

With these.

It's breathtaking.

Really?

Well, you know, now that I look at
it,

it isn't bad at all, is it?

It's the first thing I ever tried.

Oh!

She's considering taking up
sculpturing.

Oh, you must.

You owe it to cultural society.

The world is calling.

Me?

Well, then, I'd better answer.

Uh, h-how much clay will I need to
start?

Uh, ten pounds?

Make it .

Make it .

?

You have a big talent.

Oh.

Well, y-you just send anything that I
need to this address.

And, uh...

thank you.

I feel a great discovery has been
made here today.

I will personally handle your first
exhibit.

Well...

Uh, put that in my private
collection.

Now, what are you doing,

and what is that crazy getup you got
on?

This is an artist smock and a tam.

A smock and a tam?

Sure. It's what all us
sculptressesses wear.

All us what-essesses?

Never mind now.

Don't bother me, I'm busy.
I'm sculpting.

How did you get mixed up in all this
mud pie stuff?

Well, I tried it at the art store
this morning,

and both the salesman and the owner

said that I had exceptional talent.

There.

How do you like it?

You made that, huh?

Yeah.

All by yourself?

Yeah. Do you like it?

Like it? Why, honey, it's, uh...

I mean, I've never seen anything
quite like this.

It's the most, uh...

And you made that all by yourself?

Oh, I'll bet you don't even know what
it is.

Oh, honey, now how can you say that?

Anyone can tell what it is.

Well, what is it?

Let me look at it from the back, eh?

Okay.

Well?

That's the back of it, all right.

Oh, now, Ricky, come on.

Tell me what it is.

A boy and his dog?

No.

A girl and her dog?

No, and I don't think you're being
very funny.

Okay, I give up.

What is it?

It's a child at its mother's knee.

Oh, why, sure.

I can see it now, yeah.

Sure.

Oh, look at that cute expression

on the child's face.

Kootchie, kootchie, kootchie,
kootchie...

That's the knee.

That's the knee?

Yes.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Hi, Ricky.

Hi, Ethel.

Hi, Lucy.
How you doing?

Hi, Ethel.
I'm glad you're here.

At least you have taste and
appreciation for art.

I do?

Well, you certainly have more taste

than some people I know around here.

Now go ahead, tell Ricky what this
is.

Hmm.

Hmm...

Well, go ahead, tell him what it is.

It's as plain as the nose on your
face.

Oh, yeah.

Well?

Is it the nose on somebody's face?

No, it isn't!

No, Ethel.

It's a mother with her nose in her
knee.

The two of you think you're so smart.

I think this is pretty good,

considering I did it from
imagination.

I didn't have a model, you know.

Well, maybe a model would help.

Well, of course a model would help.

All great artists have models.

I wish I knew someplace where I could
get...

Good-bye.
I got to go to the club.

I got to go, Lucy, I hear Fred
calling.

Ethel, you come right back here.

You do not hear Fred calling you.

Yes, I do.

I'll be right there, Fred!

Ethel, I'm very disappointed you
won't model for me

because you have such classic beauty.

What did you say I had?

Classic beauty.

I do?

Sure.

Look at that head, that profile.

It's like the head on a Greek coin.

You really think so, Lucy?

Yeah.

I always thought my head was kind...

Oh, no, you don't.

I'm not going to model for you.

Now, Ethel...

No.

Well, who will I get?

I don't know,

but it's not going to be me.

Oh...

Lucy, did I tell you about Jane
Sebastian?

Ethel, will you please hold your head
still?

Well, her baby

was due last week, and it didn't
arrive,

and it didn't arrive.

And when they finally rushed her to
the hospital,

what did she do but have twins.

Ethel, how can I do anything right

if you keep moving your head?

Well, I got a crick in my neck.

Let me see what I look like.

Boy, I'm not a bit well.

Well, it's not supposed to be

an exact copy of you.

I know that.

Where's my face?

Right there.

What's this supposed to be?

That's your ear.

What's it doing over my mouth?

Well, you moved so much, I couldn't
tell where it was.

What's this?

That's your nose.

On top of my head?

Well, I know it isn't where it's
supposed to be,

but isn't it a nice nose?

It's lovely.

You know, Ethel, I think that

I should do a full-length figure of
you in action.

Okay, you can do a statue of me

running down the back stairs.

Good-bye.

Oh, Ethel Mertz, you come back here!

Oh, darn it.

Hi, Lucy.

Hi.

I thought I'd find Ethel up here.

Well, she was,

but she had to leave for a minute.

I know you're busy, so I won't bother
you.

Fred, turn sideways.

What for?

That profile.

Huh?

You know, I never noticed it before,

but you have real classic features.

I do?

Yeah.

Your head is like the head on a Greek
coin.

Hey, Lucy, how long do I have to stay
like this?

I'm getting kind of tired.

Just a few more minutes, Fred, then
you can rest.

I hope so.

What's so funny?

Yes, I fail to see what's so
hilarious.

Oh, no, that getup that you got on.

And you should see what she's doing
to you over here.

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Well, then maybe I'd better take a
look.

Come on, Fred, take a look.

I'll be glad to have you see it.

I think it's coming along very
nicely.

Well, straighten up, Fred.

Take a rest for a while.

I'd be glad to straighten up

except for one thing.

What?

I can't.

Oh, no.

Easy, Rick, easy.

What's the matter?

You better wait.

I'd better go down

and have Ethel put some liniment on
it.

Ah, gee, Fred, I'm sorry.

Ah, it's okay.

As long as I'm in this position, I
think I'll go bowling.

Watch it now, Fred.

Watch it going downstairs.

Take it easy now, Fred.

Take it easy.

Oh, no...

Lucy, look what you did to poor
Hercules Mertz.

I wonder if Michelangelo had this
trouble with his models.

Oh, honey, you can't expect Fred

to pose like a professional model.

Hey, that's what I need.

What?

A professional model.

Now wait a minute.

They cost a lot of money-- eight or
ten dollars an hour.

Don't you want your child

surrounded by art and culture?

Not at ten bucks a throw I don't.

Well, if you're going to be crass...


I am not being crass.

And what does that mean?

It means you care more for money than
you do our child.

I do not, honey.

We just haven't got that kind of
money to spend.

Oh!

Look, honey, we've already spent a
fortune on the baby--

nursery things, furniture, layette.

As it is, I'm going to have to pay
for them on time.

It's not that bad.

It is, too. If they deliver the baby
C.O.D.,

I'm going to have to send him back.

You don't love me or the baby.

Oh, now, honey, you know I do.

You do not.

Now, look, sweetheart.

If I thought that you had any kind of
talent at this,

money would be no object.

Really?

Well, you just ask Mr. William
Abbott--

he's the owner of the art store,

and he's a famous connoisseur, and he
said I was brilliant.

He also wanted to sell you some clay.

Oh, you have such a sneaky,
suspicious mind.

All right, I'll tell you what I'll
do.

I'll make a deal with you.

I'll get one of the art critics

from one of the papers

to come up to the house and look at
your work.

If he says that you have any kind of
talent,

you can have anything you want.

Really, Ricky?

Yeah, but wait a minute now.

If he says no, that you don't have
any talent,

then you forget this whole business.

It's a deal.
Okay.

Good morning, Lucy.

Hi.

I came to get some more liniment

for Fred's arm.

I'm sorry.
I gave you all we had.

How is his arm?

Is it any better?

It's pretty good.

We got it down to here now.

Well, that's good.

Say, Ethel, would you do me a favor?

No!

Oh, Ethel, come back here.

I don't want you to model for me.

I have a model--

someone who appreciates my work

and who'll pose for me as long as I
want.
Who?

Me.

You?

Yes. I'm going to make a bust of
myself.

I thought you'd already done that.

Ricky's bringing home an art critic

to look at my work.

And I think that if I make a perfect
replica of my head,

it will really impress him.

Well, I hope your head turns out

better than Fred's arm.

It will.

This book tells how to make a mold

of anything that you want to copy.

You mean, you're going to make a mold
of your..?

Yeah. I'm going to make an impression

of my head and face.

I'm going to put clay in it, take the
mold away,

and I'll have a perfect replica of my
head.

Hey, Lucy, that's a wonderful idea.

Yeah, and it's so easy, too.
I got the plaster all mixed.

Now listen, "Cover the object to be
copied

"with plaster of paris and let it
remain this way

"until the plaster hardens.

Then cr*ck away..." Lucy!

What?

You mean, you're going to bury your
head

in plaster of paris?

Sure.

But you won't be able to breathe.

Oh. I never thought of that.

Well, what am I going to do?

It has to be a perfect likeness to
get by that art critic.

Maybe the book tells some other way
to do it.

Let's see.

What's the matter?

Ethel!
I can't get my arm out!

You're stuck?

Oh, hey, look, pull, pull hard.

I can't get it out!

Well, let me try...

Oh, Lucy...

Right this way, Mr. Harvey.

You'll see what I mean.

Hi, Ricky.

Oh, hi, Ethel.

Uh, this is, uh, Mr. Harvey, the art
critic of the Times.

Mrs. Mertz, Mr. Harvey.

How do you do?

How do you do?

Uh, where's Lucy?

Oh, she had to go down to the store.

Well, that's funny.

She knew I was bringing Mr. Harvey
home.

Oh, she'll be right back.

Would you like me to show you her
work?

Oh, no, I th...
I think we better, uh, wait

till Lucy gets here.

Uh, if you don't mind, Mr. Ricardo,

I always prefer

to look at these amateur attempts

uh, without the artist being present.

Oh, all right.

What did she sculpt this time?

She made a head of herself.

She did, huh?

Oh, you should have seen her.

She put up seven mirrors all around

so she'd cover every angle.

Oh, no.

Oh, this is really pretty good.

Are you ready?

Oh, I can hardly wait.

All right.

There.

Hey, you know something?

It kind of looks like her.

I told you it was good.

This is excellent, Ricardo,
excellent!

It is, huh?

Oh, my boy, believe me, if this is a
sample

of your wife's first attempt at
sculpturing,

you're married to a genius.

Well, what do you know?

Oh, Lucy will be so happy when she
hears this.

Oh, this is fine, fine.

Say, look, do me a favor.

Sure. What?

I-It's always a tremendous thrill

for me to be in at the launching

of a great artistic career.

Let me buy this.

He wants to buy it.

Buy it?

Yes.

I-I'd like to add it

to my private collection.

Oh, oh, Mr. Harvey,

you can't have that for your private
collection.

I don't... I don't think Lucy'd want
to sell it.

Oh, what are you talking about?

I would think she'd be delighted to
sell it.

Oh, you don't know how hard she
worked on this.

She put a lot of herself into this
statue.

Well, I guess she's right.

I guess it'll have to be up to Lucy.

Well, I don't have time to wait.

I'm-I'm due at an art critic's
meeting.

Uh, let me know if she'll sell it,
will you?

All right. Thank you for coming out,
Mr. Harvey.

Oh, Mr. Ricardo.

I'd love to have this at that meeting
with me.

Won't you let me buy it?

Well, uh...

no, I-I'm afraid I couldn't take the
responsibility.

I'll pay $ .

Oh, no!

I'll take the responsibility.

Mr. Harvey, you mustn't do that.

This statue isn't worth $ .

Well, I believe

I know what a statue is worth, Mrs.
Mertz.

I'll write you a check.

Thank you.

Um...

uh...

um...

Mr. Harvey,

don't you think you ought to take
another look at this?

It really isn't worth that much
money.

It isn't quite right.

Now look at that mouth.

You know the-the side of it should be
up higher.

Like that.

Ethel!

And this-this side of it should be
lower.

Like that.

Oh, Mrs. Mertz.

And, you know, the whole thing's too
long.

Don't you think it should be like
that?

Ethel, now look what you done!

You ruined it!

Oh, no, she hasn't ruined it.

I haven't?

No.

Uh, do you know something that when
Mrs. Ricardo

is a famous sculptress,

this will be a-a collector's item.
Here.

Thank you.
Oh, wait!

I'll deliver it anyplace you want me
to.

Oh, no.

I wouldn't trust this to any other
hands

but my own.

Oh, give me that check!

What kind of a ridiculous...?!

I didn't have anything

to do with this, Mr. Harvey!

Lucy!

The clerk was played by
Leon Belasco,

the store owner was Shep Menken

and the art critic, Paul Harvey.
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