03x09 - A Party Invitation, Football Grapes and an Earth Chicken

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon We've never really discussed the status of our relationship.

Men don't break up with me.

I do the breaking up.

STURGIS: So, uh, how's Connie?

Hit him!

Hit him again.

Mom's good.

I'm glad she's doing well.

Tell her I say hi.

Or wait, greetings.

Greetings from John.

Hey, can I talk to you?

You tell my granddaughter she can't play baseball?

I was just looking out for her, that's all.

Well, you and me are gonna have problems.

MISSY: Meemaw got a date with the coach.

- What?

- It was a productive afternoon.

(BOTH LAUGHING)

ADULT SHELDON: Before that disembodied voice on AOL started saying, "You've got mail," we relied on my mom.

Shelly, you've got mail!

ADULT SHELDON: Some mail brought great joy.

Greetings, Mr.

Spock.

ADULT SHELDON: Some mail brought pain.

George, you got jury duty!

GEORGE SR.

: Tell 'em I d*ed!

ADULT SHELDON: And one time Missy, you got something.

mail caused a w*r between neighbors rivaling that of the Klingon Empire and the Federation, which trust me was a doozy.

What'd you get?

An invitation to Billy's birthday party.

That's nice.

I wonder where Sheldon's is.

(PHONE RINGS)

MARY: Hey, Brenda.

It's Mary.

- Oh, hey.

- MARY: So, we got Missy's invitation to Billy's party.

Great.

Hope she can make it.

But Sheldon's didn't arrive for some reason.

Maybe it got lost in the mail?

It didn't get lost.

What are you saying?

I think you know what I'm saying.

So Sheldon isn't invited?

See?

You knew.

Bye.

(LINE DISCONNECTS)

Nobody else is stronger than I am Yesterday I moved a mountain I bet I could be your hero I am a mighty little man All right, Moon Pie.

I'll see you after class.

Aren't you going to walk me in?

I think you can manage it.

Is it because you're trying to avoid Dr.

Sturgis?

- No.

- Is it because you're getting old, and you're trying to limit the number of steps you take?

Get in there.

Connie.

Oh, hello, John.

It's nice to see you.

- It's nice to see you, too.

- I assumed you stopped bringing Sheldon to class 'cause you were worried it would be awkward running into me - after our breakup.

- SHELDON: I asked her the same question, but she assured me that wasn't the case.

What a relief!

So, I suppose I'll see you after class?

I suppose you will.

Now, didn't she used to walk you to your seat?

She did, but she was younger then.

- That makes sense.

- (KNOCK ON DOOR)

Sheldon and Billy are friends.

My son should be at his party.

(SIGHS)

Look, I'm not trying to be mean here.

Billy has a tough enough time with other kids without them seeing him pal around with the local weirdo.

I thought you weren't trying to be mean.

That was the nicest way I could say it.

Well, I'm not trying to be mean here either, but you are behaving very unneighborly.

(SCOFFS)

That was mean?

- You're darn tootin'.

- Tootin'?

- Tootin'!

- Okay.

So if Einstein's analysis of time is correct, the future's already happened, but we'll discuss that in more detail next week.

- Or perhaps we already have.

- Exactly.

(LAUGHS)

Good one.

Let's hit the road.

It was nice seeing you, Connie.

Uh, we should get coffee sometime and catch up.

Maybe, sure, yeah.

We'll see.

What about, uh, tomorrow morning?

Oh, that's not great for me.

Well, what about Sunday?

Mm, I can't do that either.

Maybe another time.

Oh, I see.

You should probably settle on a specific date because when I want to go to RadioShack and my dad says, "Maybe another time," we never end up going.

Thank you so much, Sheldon.

I think we got this.

Yes.

Well, uh, Sheldon, uh, s-see you next week.

Bye.

Can you explain why you didn't settle on a specific date for coffee with Dr.

Sturgis?

- Maybe another time.

- Okay.

And then she said she didn't want the other kids to see Billy hanging out with Sheldon.

That boy's only other friend is a chicken and she's worried about Sheldon?

What do we do?

Tell Missy she can't go?

If we're only gonna let Missy go places where they want to have Sheldon, then she ain't gonna get out much.

- Well, I don't think it's right that - (TV TURNS ON)

Sup.

Excuse me.

Can't you see that your father and I are talking?

Yeah, but you can talk anywhere, and this is the only room in the house with a TV.

Get out of here.

- Suit yourself.

- (TV TURNS OFF)

But I'd like to point out, if you'd let me buy a TV for my bedroom, we wouldn't be in this situation, now would we?

Go.

I just hate that our little boy gets left out.

Me, too, but he should probably get used to it.

That's a terrible thing to say.

Oh, come on, Mary, the boy's not exactly a social butterfly.

In fact, he's scared of butterflies.

Besides, it's their house.

If they don't want him, there's nothing you can do about it.

Pastor Jeff, are you still looking for a topic for this week's sermon?

You mean the one I'm doing in 20 minutes?

- Sorry, silly question.

- No.

What do you got?

I was gonna do Noah's ark, but Sheldon's gonna eat me alive, like those two lions would've done to those two giraffes.

Well, I've been thinking about the importance of being neighborly.

CONGREGATION: Heart of my Own heart Old MacDonald Had a farm CONGREGATION: Still be my Vision O Ruler of all E-I-E-I-O.

Please be seated.

A Pharisee once asked Jesus what the greatest commandment was, and do you know what he said?

Sheldon, it's a rhetorical question.

- Aw.

- He said it was to love God and love your neighbor as yourself.

And that's what I want to talk about today, being a good neighbor.

How do we love our neighbors?

We check in on them, we welcome them into our homes.

If we're having a party, we invite them.

- Even if they're not the most popular.

- Are you kidding me?

Shh.

Some of the Romans thought he was a little weird, but if you invite him into your heart, you get to go to the biggest party of all, the one in the sky.

Ooh, a party in the sky.

- Fun.

- He means heaven.

Or a blimp.

He means heaven.

I can't believe you told on me to Pastor Jeff.

I have no idea what you're talking about.

(WHISPERS): Hi, neighbor.

- Hi.

- JEFF: No matter how funny they look.

It just don't make no sense.

If I'm gonna pay for it with my own money, why can't I get a TV for my bedroom?

You have so much money, why don't you save it for college?

If you're not gonna take this seriously, I don't even know why I'm talking to you.

Your mother won't let me have a TV in my room, so you're not getting one in yours.

Why do you care what Mom says?

You're the man of the house, what you say goes.

If you're not gonna take this seriously, I don't know why I'm talking to you.

(PHONE RINGING)

Hello?

Hello, George.

Uh, John Sturgis here.

- Oh, hey, how you doing?

- Well, honestly, it's been a bit of a confusing week, and I was hoping we could schedule some male bonding time.

- Oh?

- Perhaps go to a bar or, uh, take a brisk walk together.

(CHUCKLES)

I'm not really a walker.

- Well, that's true.

- Well, bar it is.

How's, uh, 2:00?

Uh, today's not great for me.

Uh, maybe some other time.

Oh, I understand.

Uh, I won't bother you again.

Well, it's not like that, y-you know, I'm just kind of busy right now.

Of course, you made that perfectly clear.

- Goodbye.

- (LINE DISCONNECTS)

- You just dump somebody?

- No.

Dr. Sturgis wanted to hang out, and I'm busy.

Yeah, busy breaking hearts.

You win.

Hope you're happy.

This was never about winners and losers.

Two kids means two gifts.

And no Play-Doh, he'll just eat it.

(SQUEALS QUIETLY)

Hey, Shelly, I got something for you.

What is it?

An invitation to Billy Sparks's birthday on Saturday.

Isn't that nice?

Sheldon's gonna go?

A child's birthday party?

No, thank you.

- Great.

- You're going to Billy's party.

- But I don't want to.

- And I don't want him to.

Too bad, he's going.

Then I don't want to go.

Everyone's going and everyone's gonna have fun.

This is so unfair.

It is.

You should run away from home.

So they don't want Sheldon at the party, and Sheldon doesn't want to be at the party, but you're making him go to the party.

I'm sure he'll have a good time when he gets there.

And this isn't just because you made a big fuss, and you're gonna be embarrassed if he doesn't go?

No.

For a good Christian lady, you sure do lie a lot.

I just think it's important that every once in a while Sheldon does normal kid things.

You realize he's not a normal kid?

Of course I do.

Then what are you doing?

I'm trying to make sure he knows how to be social so he doesn't become some lonely adult no one wants to be around.

(SIGHS)

Damn it.

(PHONE RINGING)

Oh.

Hello.

Hey, John.

Oh, George.

Uh, you just caught me on my way out to a party with people.

A people party.

Sure.

Hey, listen, I just wanted to let you know that my schedule opened up, and if you still want to hang out, you could come over on Saturday and watch a game.

I don't know if Saturday works for me.

Uh Okay, well, you just let me know.

Wait!

Saturday's fine.

I'll be there.

(LAUGHS): Okay.

Have a good night.

Goodbye!

Sheldon's going to that party.

I'm a good liar.

- (RATTLING)

- What'd I get him?

Connect Four.

- That was thoughtful of me.

- Shelly?

Come on!

It's time to go.

Do I have to wait for Sheldon?

Can't I just go now?

No, we're going together as a family.

Greetings, Mother.

I'm ready to beam down to the party.

You go on ahead.

Oh, thank you, Jesus.

What do you think you are wearing?

A Mr.

Spock outfit.

I know it's a Mr.

Spock outfit.

Then why did you ask?

You can't wear that.

No one else is gonna be dressed up.

That's fine.

I plan on pretending I'm a neutral observer of an alien culture.

Or you can go and play with the other kids and wear pants from this planet.

I thought you said I was supposed to have fun.

Go and change.

You are not wearing that.

- Then I'm not going.

- You're going.

- Then I'm wearing this.

- No, you're not.

Yes, I am.

Well, if you're gonna wear that, you need to participate.

Participate how?

Party games, cake and singing "Happy Birthday.

" No games, one slice of cake, and I will mouth the words while the others sing.

One game, and you need to interact with the other children.

Y'all ready?

Ready!

Do the funky chicken now (WHIRRING)

You flap your arms Fascinating.

It seems to be a carbon-based life-form.

Then you know I'm interacting.

Oh, oh.

(CHICKEN CLUCKING)

Hello!

- Sheldon's not home.

- Oh.

I-I'm here to watch a sporting event with your father.

- Really?

- Yes.

He only called it "the game," so I don't know which one it is.

Well, this is just great.

Come on in.

Thank you.

Hey, Dad, Dr.

Sturgis is here to watch football with you.

Oh, football.

Good, that was the one I read up on.

Hey, John, nice to see ya.

You, too.

Uh, brought some snacks for the game.

How nice.

Hope you like grapes.

Oh, there's nothing my dad loves more than football and grapes.

(LAUGHS)

Why don't you head on in to the den, John?

You, get lost.

So you two can feed each other grapes?

Got it.

(CLUCKING)

(WHIRRING)

Hmm.

Gallus gallus domesticus, otherwise known as "Earth chicken.

" Live long and prosper you filthy bird.

I thought you didn't like chickens.

Sheldon doesn't like chickens.

Mr. Spock finds them fascinating.

- Who's Mr. Spock?

- I'm Mr. Spock.

I'm Billy.

What you doing?

Using my tricorder to collect data.

What's a tricorder?

It's a multifunctional handheld device used for scanning and analysis.

Cool.

And what's everything you just said?

Fascinating.

- (TV PLAYING INDISTINCTLY)

- George, would you prefer me to wait for a commercial break before I bring up my emotional state?

Oh, still want to talk about that, huh?

Well, I do think it would be helpful for me.

- Uh, we got seven minutes till kickoff.

- (TV TURNS OFF)

- Have at it.

- Where to begin?

(CHUCKLES)

I saw Connie for the first time since I broke up with her, and it was harder than I expected.

(CHUCKLES): Well, breakups can be rough.

I thought I was doing the right thing by her, but now it seems that I've lost her, not only as a romantic partner, but even as a friend.

- Women, huh?

- I've been feeling the loss very profoundly and it's making me wonder if she also is feeling lonely and I made a bad decision for both of us.

I hate to be the one to tell you this, John, but, uh she's kind of been seeing someone new and, uh she seems to be doing okay.

I see.

(STAMMERS)

Is she happy?

Hard to tell.

Her face is all scrunched up and pinched most of the time.

Well, I hope this man she's seeing treats her well.

He seems okay.

I also hope he gets lost at sea and never returns.

I'm having a lot of feelings.

Well, when that happens to me, I have another beer.

I haven't finished this one yet.

More for me.

Ensign Sparks, there appears to be a white object - under this chicken.

- It's called an egg.

Interesting.

What is its function on this planet?

People eat them and throw them at me on Halloween.

What are you doing out here?

Playing with Sheldon.

You're missing your party.

But I'm having fun.

Do not be alarmed, our mission is one of peace.

I'm gonna go have a little chat with your mother.

Seems unlikely; my mother's on Vulcan.

My mom is on Valium.

Oh, they scored another touchdown.

That's just a replay, John.

(LAUGHS)

- Hey.

- Connie.

I saw your bike outside, so I-I thought I'd just, uh, say hi.

Well, that's so nice of you.

I don't mean to interrupt or anything.

I just wanted to check in.

Would it be awkward if I asked her to join us?

Oh, couldn't be any more awkward.

Would you like to, uh, watch the game with us?

It's-it's football.

Well, sure.

(CHUCKLES)

I guess a little visit wouldn't hurt.

Excellent.

Let me guess, you brought the grapes.

- I did.

- (LAUGHS)

Hey, how many of those have you had?

So many!

(DOOR CLOSES)

Hope you're happy.

Billy's missing his own party 'cause he's playing spaceman in the chicken coop with your son.

You were right.

I shouldn't have made you invite him.

I'm sorry.

Okay.

Well, good.

It's just hard to see him be left out.

And I worry it's not gonna get better when he grows older.

Can't say that Billy is exactly Mr.

Popular either.

I'm sure this kind of stuff bothers me way more than it bothers Sheldon.

Doesn't make it any easier, does it?

No.

I'm gonna take Shelly back home - so that Billy can get back to his party.

- Eh.

You know, they're having fun out there.

(DOOR OPENS)

SHELDON: Gallus gallus domesticus pooped on my uniform!

The mission is compromised!

- Maybe take him home.

- Yeah.

I've got something here for both of you.

It's from Billy.

I hope it's not another invitation.

It's probably a thank you note.

So now I have to write a you're welcome note?

You people are k*lling me.

"Dear Sheldon and Missy, thank you for coming to my party.

I liked playing with Mr.

Spock and watching Missy throw up Kool-Aid in the bushes.

" Still tasted like cherry.

"My mother also threw up, but that was because of wine.

- My dad says she drinks because" - Okay, that's nice.

- But there's more.

- No, there's not.

Guess we'll never know why she drinks.