01x10 - An Eagle Feather, A String Bean, and an Eskimo

[bunniefuu]

First off, I want to thank you both for coming.

Yeah, yeah, what'd he do?

Uh, he didn't do anything.

Gosh, Tom, I want to believe you.

Okay, the problem is, the curriculum here is not challenging enough for Sheldon.

Now, he gets bored and maybe doesn't express himself in the most productive way.

And so the square of sine plus cosine equals one.

Sheldon.

I don't want to embarrass you, so I'm going to give you a moment to think about what you just said.

Ms.

MacElroy.

What?

I'm wondering if you read the book you assigned to us, because I did.

WILKINS: 20 laps.

Cooper.

If you're going to ask us to run, don't you think you should lead by example?

So you're saying he's being rude to his teachers?

That's unacceptable.

I'll-I'll give him a talkin' to.

I don't know if I'd call him rude.

Well, put a word on it.

Rude, let's go with rude.

Rude is good.

So what do you want us to do?

I want you to consider another approach to his education.

- Okay.

- What does that mean?

I recently had a nice chat with the head of Wilmot Academy for Gifted Children.

Now, I told her all about Sheldon, and she seemed to think he would be a perfect fit over there.

MARY: We already looked into private school.

We can't afford it.

- Not unless you're giving me a raise.

- I'm not.

Okay, just checking.

But I can tell you this.

Wilmot has been known to give children like Sheldon full scholarship.

Take a look at that.

- My goodness.

- No kidding.

Yeah, just read up on it.

Give it some thought.

MARY: Hold on.

This place is in Dallas, that's three hours away.

Well, yeah, but, uh, what they do in cases like yours, they look for a local family for him to live with.

And, George, Dallas?

Dallas is certainly close enough that he can come home on the weekends.

Look, we appreciate you going to bat for him, but he's just a wee little thing.

We can't ship him off to Dallas.

Shouldn't we talk about this first?

What's there to talk about, George?

This could be a great opportunity for Sheldon.

He's nine years old.

Oh, come on, you can't measure him in Earth years.

You're saying he's an alien?

PETERSEN: Well, in George's defense, that idea has been tossed around...

a little bit.

That's a bad joke.

Look, I understand this is a big decision.

If you change your mind, give me a call.

I'd be more than happy to set up an interview.

- Uh, yeah.

Thank you.

- You bet.

Thank you.

- Mm-hmm.

- [DOOR OPENS]

Maybe you all are the aliens.

[SCOFFS]

I love my job.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

Well, I don't understand how you could turn this down.

This place looks fantastic.

It's 200 miles away, Mom.

I know where Dallas is.

I used to buy my marijuana there.

Really?

I said "used to".

Then I got pregnant with this one and all the fun stopped.

All I am saying is that this would be a great opportunity for Sheldon.

I know, you're right.

Whoa, she's right?

I said the same thing in Petersen's office, you looked at me like I was an idiot.

Yeah, that's the look.

Maybe y'all are being a little selfish about this.

Selfish?

We're thinking of him.

Well, that's all well and good, but maybe you should be thinking about the whole world.

I mean, what if Einstein's parents had held him back?

We wouldn't even have the...

Well, I was gonna say atomic b*mb, but there's probably a better example.

Here's a crazy idea: how about we ask Sheldon what he thinks of all this?

Go ahead, but he's not gonna want to go.

This is his home, we're his family.

Sheldon, can you come in here for a minute?!

Yes?

- Have a seat.

We want to talk to you.

- All right.

So, today we found out about a school in Dallas for really smart kids.

When can I start?

Hold on.

Dallas is far away, so you'd have to live with another family.

Do they have a dog?

Uh, we don't know.

Well, can you make some calls?

I guess, but wouldn't you miss your mom and dad?

Oh.

Yes, I suppose I will.

So, when are you calling about the dog?

You know him so well.

[SIGHS]

♪ ♪ What's wrong with them?

What are you talking about?

They're so quiet.

Are they on medication?

No, they're just smart like you.

I've been going to school in a zoo.

Not sure about these uniforms.

Kinda froufrou.

Sheldon, I've been looking over your transcripts and I must say, I am very impressed.

Thank you.

What's your doctorate in?

Noncommutative Algebraic Topology.

I like her.

It's gonna be weird around here without Sheldon.

Don't you mean less weird?

That's not nice.

I wasn't trying for nice.

You sure you're not jealous 'cause your little brother's moving up in the world?

Hey, I got plans of my own.

Do tell.

Soon as I graduate high school, I'm gonna be a professional male model.

That is hilarious.

What?

I'm good-lookin'.

No, that you think you'll graduate high school.

The model thing was funny, too.

FLORA: I must tell you, in all the years I've been here, I have never seen such glowing letters of recommendation from a student's teachers.

- Well, that's real nice to hear.

- Now, listen to this: "Putting aside his superior intellect, Sheldon is a delight to have in the class.

He's fun-loving, easy to get along with, and always ready to help another student." That doesn't sound like me at all.

Sure it does, sweetie.

Dr. Douglas...

Oh, no.

Please call me Flora.

Flora, I have to ask about the living arrangements.

That's our main concern.

Well, I think I can reassure you about that.

My husband and I have been hosting a student for the last several years who recently graduated and is now at Princeton.

So we have a guest room available in our home.

That's very generous of you.

Does your husband work at the school also?

No, he's retired.

He was an astrophysicist for NASA.

Please tell me you don't have a dog.

No.

We're both allergic.

I'm tingling.

[CHUCKLES]

- [KNOCKING ON DOOR]

- SHELDON: Meemaw?

[KNOCKING ON DOOR]

Meemaw.

W-Wow.

I know.

I look great.

I got you a little going away gift.

Come on in.

This necklace has been in our family for generations.

It belonged to a Comanche warrior who gave it to your great-great-great-great grandma.

Why'd he give it to her?

Well, according to family lore, she was, uh, a very accommodating young lady and, uh, they hit it off.

That's a bird feather.

- Eagle feather.

- Doesn't matter.

I don't like birds, birds are filthy.

Okay.

Fine.

One featherless family heirloom for you to take with you and keep you safe while you're away.

You don't actually believe this has magic powers, do you?

Oh, for God's sake, just say "thank you." Thank you.

[CHUCKLES]

Mmm.

There's a price tag on it.

No, there's not.

Hello!

[CRYING]

Anybody home?

[CRYING]

: Hi.

Mary.

He's gonna come home every Friday night.

I didn't think I'd have to deal with this till he went to college.

You should thank your lucky stars he's not in college now.

[CHUCKLES]

I'm still not sure that this is the right thing to do.

Are you worried that he won't like it or are you worried that he will?

You're not helping.

That's not my job.

I think of myself as a speaker of truth.

If you're not gonna make me feel better, go away.

[BOTH LAUGH]

I'm sorry.

You are stuck with me.

- [SIGHS, SNIFFLES]

- ADULT SHELDON: As you can see, even as a small child, people cherished having me around and wept over my absence.

And no one took my impending departure harder than my best friend, Tam.

So you leave tomorrow?

Yes.

Dallas.

Yes.

Cool.

It was touching to watch Tam bravely fight back tears.

[WHIRRING]

Have you ever thought about making the trains go clockwise?

No.

You should.

Brave, brave Tam.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

You awake?

Yes.

Are you gonna miss me?

I haven't given it any thought.

Well, we're just lying here.

Think about it.

I am used to you.

I'm used to you, too.

It's not the same as liking you.

No.

To me, you're like string beans.

No one asks for them, no one wonders about them.

They're just there on the plate.

But you eat them, right?

Yes.

You're gonna miss me.

[SIGHS]

All right, let's say grace.

[SNIFFLES]

Guess I get to hold hands with you now.

Guess so.

Maybe Sheldon's mittens weren't such a bad idea.

Thank you, God, for this food we are about to receive and for the nourishment of our bodies.

And bless the hands that prepared it.

And, God, we ask that you watch over our Sheldon...

as he begins this wonderful new...

[GRUNTS]

[CLEARS THROAT]

[EXHALES]

as he begins this wonderful new chapter in his life.

- Amen.

- Amen.

Why you cryin'?

Why you stupid?

So how'd it go in Dallas today?

GEORGE SR.: Went fine.

Nice people.

Sheldon seemed very comfortable with the whole thing.

Welcome!

How was the drive?

Eh, a little traffic comin' into the city but otherwise okay.

Sheldon, I want you to meet my husband, Elliot.

Elliot, this is Sheldon.

Well, it's nice to meet you, young man.

I've heard a lot about y.

MARY: George, that is not at all how they were.

- What are you talking about?

- There was definitely something off about those people.

Really?

What'd I miss?

Welcome!

How was the drive?

Eh, a little traffic comin' into the city but otherwise okay.

- [CREAKING]

- Sheldon, I want you to meet my husband, Elliot.

Elliot, this is Sheldon.

Nice to meet you, young man.

I've heard a lot about you.

[CACKLING]

- [FLORA CACKLING]

- GEORGE SR.: Oh, come on.

You're making it out like they were some kind of monsters.

Sheldon has his own room.

There's books everywhere.

Even has a big old backyard he won't play in.

Aren't you forgetting somethin'?

What?

The underground laboratory.

GEORGE SR.: I think it's called a finished basement, honey.

I know what I saw.

Mary, it's been a long day.

Can we just have a quiet dinner?

Sure.

[QUIETLY]: "Nice people." Then why did we leave him there?

Because we love him and we want the best for him.

This is tense.

Me and the kids had a nice day.

Watched a lot of football.

You know, the Dolphins' helmet has a dolphin on it.

And that dolphin is also wearing a helmet.

But his helmet doesn't have a dolphin on it...

It has the letter "M." We talked about that for an hour.

All right.

Dig in.

Excuse me.

Aren't we going to say grace?

Uh, we don't do that in our house.

Oh.

But you're welcome to do so.

That's all right.

I don't believe in God.

Well, then why would you say grace?

Because it makes my mom happy.

And why are you wearing mittens?

Well, I don't know where your hands have been.

Okay.

Maybe we should just eat.

[CHUCKLES]

Do you like string beans?

No.

But I eat them.

[FLORA CHUCKLES]

♪ ♪ Sheldon, can you hear me?

It's your twin sister, Missy.

Everything's all right here, but I think Mom misses you real bad.

[SIGHS]

All right, I can't hear you, so I'm gonna hang up now.

Good night.

MARY: I'm telling you, this is a terrible idea.

- This is a terrible, terrible idea.

- MEEMAW: He's gonna be fine.

- You'll see.

- MARY: I can't believe you're okay with this.

MEEMAW: I'm not okay with this.

I'm just trying to be strong for you!

What?

You thought him leaving was a good idea.

Oh, I only said that because you thought it was a bad idea.

You know how it's always my nature to go the other way.

Say "up." Up.

Down.

I'll see you in a bit.

Where are you off to?

I'm going to Dallas to get Sheldon.

- Really?

- Yeah, really.

What about this being a great opportunity for him?

Y'all want me to go or not?

- Yes!

Go!

- Yes, and hurry up!

MEEMAW: Get a move on, Tubby.

Where you going?

To get Sheldon.

Do I get a vote in this?

No.

Dang.

ADULT SHELDON: Sleep didn't come easy that night, knowing that, at any moment, I could be decapitated.

And as if that wasn't bad enough, the bed in my room had a dust ruffle, which, to my young mind, only meant one thing: there was dust.

But, eventually, I did drift off, haunted by the memory, the three of us gathered around the piano singing hippie folk music.

♪ You will not see nothin' like the mighty Quinn ♪ Come on.

Sing along now.

♪ Come all without ♪

- Ha!

♪ Come all within ♪

- ♪ Come all within ♪

♪ You will not see nothin' like the mighty Quinn.

♪ [ELLIOT AND FLORA LAUGHING]

"You'll not see nothin'." Shame on whoever wrote that.

♪ ♪ Dad?

Yeah?

I'm glad you came to get me.

Me, too.

[RADIO CLICKS]

♪ ...nothing like the mighty Quinn ♪ No!

- ♪ Come all...

♪ - [CLICK]

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[GRUNTS]

You got my message!

Hi-yah!

- SHELDON: No hugging!

No hugging!

- [MISSY LAUGHING]

I mean, why'd I bother becoming a teacher?

He knows what I'm gonna say before I say it.

- Or I say it and look like a dumbbell.

- Mm-hmm.

Ms. Ingram, can I offer a suggestion?

What?

- Never mind.

You do it your way.

- No, no.

You tell me.

Tell me how I'm wrong.

You assumed an extra axiom of Euclidean geometry without stating it.

WILKINS: Was he right?

Course he's right.

[CHUCKLES]

He's always right.

[CHUCKLING]

Tell you what I do.

I send him on little errands.

Like the other day, I told him, "Go to the supply room and get me a framastan."

[CHUCKLES]

What's a framastan?

No such thing.

I made it up.

[ALL LAUGHING]

He was gone the whole period!

That's genius.

I'm using that.

Don't use framastan.

That's mine.

[CHUCKLING]

What's going on here?

You said he was going away.

Liar.

It's 11:00 in the morning, guys.