01x19 - Gluons, Guacamole, and the Color Purple

[bunniefuu]

Now we're looking for two binomials that multiply to get the given trinomial.

Whenever I wasn't being challenged intellectually, my brain was more than happy to step up and accommodate.

It was like having the perfect playmate in my skull.

Sir, the COBE satellite is going into an uncontrolled spin.

So fix it!

We can't.

Our computer programs weren't designed to handle a chaotic system.

Darn it!

If only someone could calculate the maneuver and make it stable again!

There is someone.

And it's me.

You're just a kid.

A kid who knows to add an x-cubed term to a simple harmonic oscillator.

If you extend the solar panel by one meter, you'll save your satellite.

You heard him.

Do it!

- Right away.

- Sheldon?

Sheldon?

Were you paying attention to anything I said?

Yes.

Then what'd I say?

When factoring a trinomial where the leading coefficient isn't one, it must be written in descending order from highest power to lowest power.

Well...

yeah.

You'll save your satellite.

You heard him.

Do it!

It worked.

The satellite is stable!

Yes!

Thanks, kid.

You really saved my bottom.

Tell your bottom, "It's welcome." And bless our appetites, both physical and spiritual, to honor You in all we do.

In Jesus' name.

What happened to "Bless the hands that prepared it"?

I thought I'd mix it up.

I miss the old one.

Me, too.

Yeah, what I like about the other one...

And bless the hands that prepared it.

- Amen.

- Amen.

So, how was everybody's day?

I'm done with high school.

What does that mean?

Well, I don't learn anything there, and I don't want to go anymore.

Well, where do you think you're gonna go?

Who cares?

Let him go.

Shh.

Well?

I've been corresponding with Dr.

John Sturgis at East Texas Tech.

He said I could audit his course.

You're pen pals with a stranger?

Is this okay?

He's not a stranger.

He's a famous scientist.

He carbon-dated the oldest human feces.

That ain't strange.

Now, Shelly, I appreciate that you want to expand your horizons, but how would you even get there?

The school's an hour away.

I'm working, your dad's working.

Again, who cares?

Let him go.

He could hitchhike.

Perfect.

It's only one day a week, and I was hoping Meemaw could take me.

I'm gonna start eating dinner at my house.

You better make a whole lot of money and take care of me when I'm old.

I'm not interested in money.

I'm interested in the pursuit of knowledge.

That is the wrong thing to say to someone who is spending her Friday night as your chauffeur.

Did you know the word chauffeur is French for "stoker," because the first automobiles were steam-powered, and the driver had to stoke the engine?

Right there.

Why am I driving you to college when you already know everything?

I didn't know everything, but compared to her friends at water aerobics, I could see how it felt that way.

Okay, this is you.

Good luck.

Aren't you going to walk me in and get me situated?

Oh, yes, of course.

Right this way, my prince.

Why are they all looking at us?

I think they're looking at you.

Oh.

Hello.

There you go.

Okay, you all situated?

I believe so, yes.

- I'll be right outside.

- Are you sure you don't want to stay and learn about quantum chromodynamics?

And spoil the fun of you telling me all about it on the ride home?

No way.

Smart.

That's my meemaw.

- He's really ours?

- Thank you.

Oh, come on, you done all the work.

Adrian, I can't believe you done this.

Can you help me?

With what?

I don't understand my homework.

You're asking me?

I don't understand my own homework.

I know, but you're all I got.

What kind of homework is it?

Grammar.

I ain't great with grammar.

Well, grammar's just talking, and we both talk good.

I guess.

Gimme.

There's a list of sentences, and you're supposed to say if each one's a complete sentence or not.

The first one is, "Most people in the country." That doesn't sound like a sentence.

But ask me who drives pickup trucks.

Who drives pickup trucks?

Most people in the country.

Well, now it does sound like one.

I told you, it's confusing.

I can't help you.

If you don't want me mixing with Creed no more...

Do you think we're stupid?

Sheldon's in college right now, and we can't figure out your homework.

What do you think?

Sometimes I tell myself I only look stupid because he's so smart.

Win.

Give me the book.

Don't just sit there, make me a sandwich.

Coming up.

- Hello.

- Hello.

Forgive me, but is that pattern a double basket weave?

Um, I suppose so.

I've always just called it a "loop-loop whoopsie-do." Well, it's very impressive.

Do you knit?

No, but it's always intrigued me.

Believe it or not, the first computer was a loom.

Is that so?

It is.

Well, okay.

Okay.

Well, if you'll excuse me, uh, I have a class to teach.

Oh, you must be my grandson's pen pal.

I'm sorry?

Sheldon Cooper.

The nine-year-old with the flawless penmanship.

I look forward to meeting him.

Well, he's right in there.

You can't miss him.

- He's about yea big.

- Oh.

An-An-And will you be joining us?

Will you be discussing quantum chromodynamics?

I certainly hope so.

- Then I don't think so.

- Are you sure?

Every day is a chance to learn something new.

Can I ask questions?

Well, how else can you learn?

Well, let's do it, then.

My name's John.

And I'm Connie.

My middle name's Whitney.

And now I know that.

Well, I'm so glad you enjoyed it.

So, Sheldon, what did you think of your first theoretical physics class?

I think I'm gonna do this for the rest of my life.

Good choice.

Connie, I would like to see you again.

Perhaps we could have dinner sometime.

Yes, we would love that.

We would?

We wouldn't?

You wouldn't?

We would.

Excellent.

Excellent.

So, where are we eating?

Okay, this says, "A complete sentence always contains a verb." Which one's a verb?

"A verb is a word that describes an action.

I play checkers.

You eat spaghetti." We suck at homework.

The action is sucking.

So, the first one on your homework is, "Most people in the country." I don't see an action word.

Neither do I.

Georgie, I don't think this is a sentence.

I think you're right.

Now I just have to fix it.

Put a verb in there, girl.

I think you might be getting a little ahead of yourself.

I don't think so.

They're in love.

They were looking into each other's eyes like there was something in there other than corneas and irises.

Well, if that's the case, that'd be wonderful.

It'd be more than wonderful.

If they get married, we immediately double the number of smart people in our family.

That means we go from one to two.

I got that.

So, did you understand any of it?

Not a word.

But he had on a tweed jacket with the elbow patches, so he must know what he's talking about.

Boy, Sheldon's fired up.

Oh, he loved it.

He sat there for an hour and a half just as happy as a pig in poop.

He mentioned you were pretty happy about the whole experience, too.

Well, I guess Mr.

Wizard did take a bit of a shine to me.

What's that mean?

It means he asked me out to dinner.

No big deal.

So, you going?

When have you known me to turn down a free meal?

Ain't that the truth.

Says the Pillsbury Doughboy.

Ain't that the truth.

I do have feelings, y'all.

Don't put on too much of that.

We want him to like you for your mind.

I think I know what I'm doing when it comes to men.

If that's true, then why do you live alone?

Because my husband d*ed.

Any other questions?

He's here!

I'll get it.

Maybe that is a bit much.

- Hello, Dr.

Sturgis.

- Hello, Sheldon.

Come in.

Meemaw's upstairs getting ready for your date.

Wonderful.

Oh, my, this is a lovely house.

Isn't it?

Can you see yourself living here?

I can.

Here are some things you might find helpful about Meemaw.

Her favorite color is purple, mint chip, and her favorite food is Mexican.

Excellent.

Good to know.

She loves gambling, bowling, and especially me.

You can't talk enough about me.

Tell me more about you.

- My favorite color is blue.

- Mine, too.

- Vanilla.

- Good man.

Spaghetti with hot dogs cut up in it.

I've never had that.

- What's your favorite food?

- Grilled cheese.

What about the risk of mouth burn?

It's a perfect excuse for vanilla ice cream.

If you want to propose tonight, you have my blessing.

Hello, boys.

Hello, Connie.

These are for you.

Aw, thank you.

They're beautiful.

Some of them are purple.

So they are.

I should probably get 'em into some water.

I can do that.

You two begin your courtship.

- Moonpie.

- Yes?

Go home.

So you can begin the courtship, got it.

Go!

Dr.

Sturgis, I just want you to know I couldn't be more pleased.

Well, let me take care of these, and then we'll head out.

I just need to borrow your phone to call a cab.

Why?

I don't drive.

Well, how did you get here?

I rode my bicycle.

You rode your bicycle?

I have a Schwinn Speedster.

It's got three gears.

I only use one.

I tell you what, how about we take my car?

Excellent.

So, would you be opposed to me sitting in the back seat?

It's statistically the safest part of the car.

Actually, I would.

Asked and answered.

Did you cry when you saw it?

No.

Why not?

'Cause it ain't that big a deal.

Okay.

Did you hang it on your wall?

Get out of here!

I'm telling people you cried.

Do you like guacamole?

I don't know.

Being from Maine, we didn't have much Mexican food.

Or Mexican people.

Or people.

It's just mashed up avocados.

I think you'd like it.

And they do it right here at the table.

Did they run out of room in the kitchen?

No, it's-it's like, you know, a show.

- Like Benihana.

- Exactly.

I don't like Benihana.

- Let's skip the guacamole.

- No, no.

You like it, and I want this date to be appealing to you, so let's order it.

Okay.

I might enjoy it.

I might not.

But, uh, I'm willing to take that gamble.

Which, uh, I'm given to understand you also like.

Oh, that little rat just told you everything, didn't he?

Don't feel bad, I enjoy a little gambling now and then.

Do you?

I sat in your front seat, didn't I?

Good, I made you laugh.

Full disclosure, I wasn't trying to be funny.

Still not trying.

They're not gonna be back for a while.

Go to bed.

I won't be able to sleep.

I'm not telling you to go to sleep, I'm telling you to go to bed.

You don't think they'll have relations tonight, do you?

Now I'm telling you to go to sleep.

So, John, you ever been married?

- No.

- Hmm.

Ever been in love?

Seven times.

Seven times?

How come you never settled down?

Well, my feelings were not reciprocated.

Well, that's so sad.

Not for them.

They all seemed pleased with the outcome.

Especially number four.

She said she dodged a b*llet.

That is a very brave thing to say on a first date.

Why?

If there's a second date, I'll tell you.

I have a chance at a second date?

This is going very well.

Try the guacamole.

No, no, no.

With a chip.

Oh.

Okay.

Like this.

There you go.

Mmm!

Now, how do chimichangas work?

I have no idea.

Well, I think we should try and find out.

How'd it go?

Oh!

What the hell?

I wanted to know how your date went, and I got bored watching you sleep.

How long have you been there?

67 minutes.

Now, tell me everything.

Go away.

Let me sleep.

Okay.

But before I go, should I be worried he's not in your bed?

Get out!

I certainly hope you were nicer to him.

Out!

So, are you gonna see him again?

I don't know.

He showed up at my house on a bike.

Like a Harley?

Like a Schwinn.

You mean a bike bike?

With a jingle bell on the handlebar and everything.

Well, that's kind of charming.

He doesn't know how to drive a car.

Doesn't want to know.

Okay, a little less charming.

There's something about him.

I mean, he's smart as hell, and gentle and funny.

Not always on purpose, but he's funny.

I never met anybody like him.

Sounds like Sheldon.

Now, why would you go and put that thought in my mind?

Well, I think you should give him another try.

I agree with Mom.

Sheldon!

Oh, no.

Aw.

So, now we can discuss what the perturbative QCD corrections to R-bar look like.

So, you can also write it as "R" divided by the length of "R." That would be a vector of unit length...

...parallel...

to "R." I'm sorry, where was I?

"R" divided by the length of "R." That would be a vector of unit length parallel to "R." Oh, yes.

Thank you.

So, if you divide "R" by the length of "R," that would be a vector...

of unit length parallel...

to...

I think you need to leave.

So...

when we divide "R" by the length of "R," that would be a vector of unit length parallel to "R." Sir, bad news.

Don't tell me.

There's another problem we're not smart enough to solve?

It's the satellite...

the liquid helium is boiling off.

Well, why the heck would that happen?

I'll tell you why.

The sun must be glinting off the solar panel and hitting the dewar.

Why didn't you know that?

I'm a disappointment, sir.

We need to calculate all the Euler angles that would cause the sun to hit the liquid helium.

Can you do it in time?

I can with my new friend, Dr. John Sturgis.

Hello.

Hi.

He's gonna marry my meemaw.

I bought her a bicycle.

A purple bicycle.

Purple?

Sounds like love to me.

Mr. Cooper?!

Huh?

Are you paying attention?

I already know this.

You know this?

But they don't, so by all means, continue.