01x22 - Vanilla Ice Cream, Gentlemen Callers, and A Dinette Set

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

You know that Mr. Rosenbloom with the furniture store over by the steak house?

He's asked me to dinner.

Is he your boyfriend?

Well, he's one of them, so let's not bring that up.

All right, so what can I do for you?

What's it like to be Jewish?

Oh, it's terrible.

I don't recommend it.

Yeah?

Connie, I would like to have dinner with you tonight.

This is very promising.

Dr. Sturgis and Meemaw had their first sleepover.

It's a big step in their relationship.

I'm going to go congratulate them.

Hey, put on a jacket, it's chilly out.

I have only seen you eat vanilla ice cream for dessert.

- Why is that?

- Well, I've taken a page from the great physicist Richard Feynman.

In order to have one less decision in his life, he decided that dessert would always be chocolate ice cream.

Sounds like it could get kind of boring.

Oh, it does.

But over the last 35 years, I believe I've saved at least a day and a half.

Well, you have to let me cook for you sometime.

But I enjoy cooking for you.

It's a means of expressing my affection.

It also allows me to control the amount of garlic, which gives me the burps.

Well, I do make a mean barbecue, and I promise I can make it garlic-free.

Excellent!

Next time, you can express your affection for me.

Excuse me.

I bet it's Sheldon checking on us.

What?

Connie?

It's Ira.

Hey...

Hey...

I'm, uh...

I-It's Sheldon.

He...

sounds a little agitated.

I'm gonna take it in the other room.

Just...

Hello again.

Listen, I'm wondering what you're doing this weekend.

I miss you.

Cool, cool.

You want to go to a movie or bowl a few frames?

Uh, you know, listen, it's not a great time right now.

Um, I have a little family over, and can I call you later?

Yeah.

Yeah, I'm sorry.

I-I don't want to interrupt.

I just miss hearing your voice.

Well...

here it is, coming right up out of my throat.

Um, okay, so, uh, uh, bye.

Bye-bye.

How's Sheldon doing?

- What?

- Sheldon.

You were talking to Sheldon.

Oh...

right, yes.

Did you know he has a picture of that fella Feynman in his bedroom?

What?

So do I.

Peas in a pod.

Oh, darn.

Excuse me.

Yes?

How's it going?

It's Sheldon again.

What do you mean "again"?

Speak.

I recently read an article about a superconducting supercollider that might be built in Texas.

What about it?

Well, I thought if there was a lull in your dinner conversation, you might casually drop it as an icebreaker.

Our dinner conversation is going just fine.

Well, now you have it in your back pocket.

Carry on.

Question... will we be engaging in coitus tonight?

Because I believe I pulled a hamstring on the bike ride over.

Why didn't you say something?

Well, I was trying to display machismo, but it's becoming more and more clear that there's something askew in my groin.

Oh, John...

we don't have to do anything.

We can just be together.

Thanks.

But if it's all the same to you, I'd like to give it the old college try.

Here you go.

Thank you.

So, you're really gonna go out with this furniture store fella while seeing Dr. Sturgis?

It's called playing the field.

And if you'd done some of that, you wouldn't be saddled with Bluto in there.

That's not nice.

And is that really necessary?

The Italians call it "corretto." It means correcting the drink.

So, a drink without alcohol in it is wrong?

Yep.

Italian people, they know what's up.

All right, one issue at a time.

So, you're really gonna date two men simultaneously?

- Two that you know of.

- Oh, Mom.

Come on, don't be such a prude.

I'm not gonna have any babies.

I don't need these men to take care of me.

Why shouldn't I just enjoy myself?

Well, it isn't very Christian of you.

I got no argument there.

Salute!

Yeah, that fixed it.

Mmm.

Oh, Meemaw, no.

Hey, who are you calling?

Dr. Sturgis.

Why?

I saw Meemaw get in a car with Mr. Rosenbloom.

No...

I don't know if it really happened this way, but to my nine-year-old mind, my mother was flying.

So, how's the brisket?

It's good.

It ain't my brisket, but it's good.

I should take you to New York so you could taste some authentic Jewish brisket.

How's it different?

Well, it's pretty much the same except it's-it's a lot juicier and you can feel the fat go directly to your heart.

Oh, boy...

I miss that laugh.

So, uh...

what do you think of that idea?

- What idea?

- Going to New York.

Maybe we'll catch a couple of Broadway shows, uh, see some sights.

Oh, Ira, gee...

I don't know.

- Seems like a big step.

- Is it?

I think at this time of our lives, we should travel, see the world.

- I guess.

- I mean, we're not getting any younger.

What's that supposed to mean?

I mean, I mean, I'm not getting any younger.

You, on the other hand, you are a blossoming tulip.

Better.

But I still don't understand.

Your grandmother's a single lady.

She's not committed to any one fella, and she wants to see what her options are.

But Dr.

Sturgis is the best option.

Well, you might feel that way, but she's not so sure.

Then we need to tell her.

I'll make the call.

No.

We need to mind our business and maybe pray for her to make the right decision.

We're gonna leave this up to God?

You think you could do a better job than God?

Maybe not with creating the universe, but I bet I could free the Hebrews with one good plague.

You can get lox, bagels, all the trimmings at 3:30 in the morning.

Why would I want that?

Well, you wouldn't.

I mean, it's too heavy.

But you could if you wanted.

So, what do you think?

Oh, Ira, I don't think so.

All right, what do you say to a weekend in New Orleans, huh?

We could do one of those Carnival Cruise things.

You're k*lling me.

I can't do this, I...

Can't do what?

Ira, you're just a wonderful man.

Oh, boy, I don't like where this is going.

But to tell you the truth, I'm seeing somebody else.

And we've gone there.

I thought I could do it, uh...

you know, date both of you, but I-I can't, I can't, I just...

I'm not cut out for it.

Okay, suggestion.

And maybe you've already thought of this...

but what do you say you break up with him and only see me?

I'm sorry.

I thought I could handle this.

- It's okay.

- You know, you get older, and you think your skin is thicker...

- It's okay.

- ...and your heart is tougher.

But it's not, it's the other way around.

I hope this guy knows what a gift he has in you.

Well, "gift" is a strong word, but he's enthusiastic.

Good.

May you both be very happy together!

I don't want to celebrate too soon, but Meemaw and Mr. Rosenbloom are back, and he was crying.

There'll be more updates as they happen.

I'm done.

Can I please be excused?

Good Lord, did you even chew it?

Not the recommended amount, no.

What's your hurry?

I need to get back to my viewing post.

Fine, go ahead.

What's he expect to see, staring at Meemaw's house?

Did you just join this family?

The kid's an oddball.

He's just excited that Meemaw's dating a man he looks up to.

I wish she could date Tony Danza...

that'd be cool.

What is it with you and Tony Danza?

Well, the show doesn't come out and say it, but I'm pretty sure he's the boss.

I think the blonde lady's the boss.

Angela?

Who's the oddball now?

I'm warning you, once you try my barbecue, it will ruin you to all the others.

That's what happened to me with quilted toilet paper.

Once I tried the good stuff, everything else felt like a Brillo pad.

You paint quite the picture, don't you?

Oh, gosh.

Excuse me.

Sheldon, this is not cute anymore.

- Connie Tucker?

- Yes?

I have a dinette set from Rosenbloom's Furniture.

Oh.

I didn't buy any furniture.

I think it's a gift.

Oh, boy.

I bent down to pick up a book, and I'll be darned if she didn't sneak a look at my derriere.

Oh, man.

You won't believe what's happening at Meemaw's house.

Is it more interesting than Who's the Boss?

Doubt it.

Rosenbloom's Fine Furniture.

Ira speaking.

Why are you sending me furniture?

I've decided I can't go away quietly.

I'm fighting for your love.

With a dinette set?

Oh, this isn't just any dinette set.

It's our biggest seller.

And it's not pressed wood...

it's oak!

Ira, I don't like this.

Would you prefer a leather sectional?

Uh, what's going on?

Uh, can I call you back?

I look forward to it.

You shouldn't.

Okay.

I guess you could say one of my former boyfriends is trying to win me back with furniture.

Huh.

Impressive.

This is real oak.

Was that him on the phone?

Yes.

I'm sorry.

Interesting.

What?

Being challenged by another man is making you more attractive to me.

I don't follow.

I'll have to do some research, but I'm guessing this is a genetic instinct that's raising my libido.

I need a drink.

Can you believe he tried to win me back with a dinette set?

I'd give you a dinette set if you'd leave Texas.

So, would you return it?

Hell no, I'm keeping it.

But then you'll be beholden to him.

Would you ever take Ira back?

I don't know.

He's sweet as he can be, but...

there's just something about John.

He's like a cute little teddy bear, you know?

A brilliant, bicycle-riding teddy bear.

I don't even understand half of what he says.

But...

when he's not around, I just miss him.

Sounds like you're falling in love.

Maybe I am.

Excellent.

I love him, too.

Get out of here!

If you don't understand what Dr.

Sturgis says, I'm happy to explain it to you.

Get!

Excuse me.

I'm looking for Ira.

At your service.

What can I do for you?

You, sir, have overstepped your bounds.

I'm sorry, what?

Miss Constance Tucker made it clear your courtship was no longer welcome, and you responded with six chairs, a table, and an expansion leaf.

Who are you?

John Sturgis, the man she chose and your romantic rival.

I-I'm sorry, wait, what-what is it you want from me?

I want you to give up your pursuit of Connie.

All right, I'm gonna have to ask you to leave my store.

Very well.

The line in the sand has been drawn.

Cross it at your own peril.

Weirdo.

What was that?

You heard me.

Sir, I am a man with feelings.

And you have hurt them.

I know you've had a number of...

gentleman callers, but I've never heard you speak like this before.

"Gentleman callers"?

And we wonder where Sheldon gets it.

I'm sorry y'all find this funny, but this is the first time my mother's expressed real interest in a man since Dad d*ed.

Forgive me for wanting to know more.

You really want to know more?

Imagine you're getting on in years, you and your husband about to retire, get a little timeshare in Sarasota, and...

suddenly...

he's gone, and you're all alone.

You mourn, you cry, but eventually you move on.

You start dating a little, and it's all good fun.

But always in the back of your mind, there's that question...

"Will I be alone in the end?" Why y'all looking at me for?

Haven't slept in days.

It's like I'm a lovesick teenager, except I remember the Truman administration.

Your feelings are understandable.

Connie is a remarkable woman.

Yes, she is.

But, again, I'm sorry.

I should never have called you weird.

I mean, eh, it was rude.

I've been called much worse.

A professor once called me ostrobogulous.

I had to look that one up.

What's it mean?

That I'm a weirdo.

John, you're a great guy.

Well, you, too!

But I hope you understand, I just...

I can't give up on Connie.

That's all right.

To tell you the truth, I'm finding the competition quite exhilarating.

You are?

Oh, yes.

The night the dinette set arrived, I did my first push-up in 40 years.

I'm sorry, but I find that to be, uh...

what's the word...

astro-boobulous?

Ostrobogulous.

Ostrobogulous.

Exactly.

Now, give me your best price on one of these with a cup holder.

John!

What a pleasant surprise.

- I have some news for you.

- Oh?

- Mwah.

What is that?

- Mwah.

I went to the furniture store and spoke to Ira.

- Why would you do that?

- To demand that he respect your wish to be left alone.

John, it was not your place to do that.

Well, if it helps, he doesn't plan on leaving you alone.

What the hell were you thinking?!

That I was being chivalrous.

By going behind my back?

You seem upset.

I am upset!

And how I handle Ira is my business!

Well, I hope you do it gently.

He's very vulnerable these days.

You're friends now?

Well, I wouldn't say friends, but I could see, over time, you know, we might...

Are you two fighting?

No.

Oh, good.

I was almost certain that we were.

We are.

- I'm confused.

- Me, too.

Is this because you went to the furniture store?

He knows about this?

- Yes.

- Yes.

- All right, now, listen, if this relationship's gonna have any chance at all, we have to lay down some ground rules.

Great.

I love rules.

I do, too.

I don't want you talking to him about anything having to do with anything about us.

Same with you.

And I want you to stop spying on me with those binoculars like you're on some kind of African safari.

And you cannot talk to Ira or any of my ex-boyfriends, for that matter.

This list is getting long.

Maybe we should write it down.

Hey.

In that moment, I had an epiphany.

I could draw up a contract for any social relationship.

It was a helpful way to remove ambiguity in a world that was often hard to understand.

Article three...

Sheldon will not spy on Meemaw's house with binoculars.

Type that one in bold.

Please sign and date.

You know, Sheldon, I'm a notary, if that helps.

Just when I thought you couldn't get cooler.

I would go on to draw up such contracts throughout my life...

with roommates, with my wife.

Even with my own children.