04x17 - A Black Hole

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Young Sheldon...

Dr. Sturgis will be joining us for dinner.

I thought he was in the nuthouse.

We do not call it that.

That's what Dad calls it.

I don't think we should be in a romantic relationship anymore.

Are you crazy?

I mean, poor choice of words, but...

are you crazy?!

Did you know there's a, uh, supercollider being built in Waxahachie, Texas?

No.

I've taken a job there.

Well, I hope that you're ready to hear him freak out when you tell him.

A supercollider?!

Well, you can't say no to that.

I give up.

Ooh, can you get me a bumper sticker?

ADULT SHELDON: I never cared for surprises.

My meemaw, on the other hand, thought they were "a hoot."

And it's a good thing, because instead of finding the paper on her doorstep, she found...

- [doorbell rings]

- [Meemaw gasps]

What are you doing here?

I wanted to surprise you.

Mission accomplished.

Oh, good.

So how's everything going with your supercollider?

Well, up until Wednesday at : , wonderful.

What happened at : ?

That's when they fired me.

What?

Why did they fire you?

Eh, probably because of what happened at : .

REPORTER: So, Dr. Sturgis, what would you say to local residents who are concerned about the supercollider's safety?

Is there a chance that Waxahachie could be the next Chernobyl?

Absolutely not.

The supercollider is very different from a nuclear power plant.

This can't melt down.

The worst it could do would be to create a microscopic black hole.

And what would that do?

Well, it's unlikely, but, uh, it could grow until it swallowed up the entire Earth.

And possibly the Moon.

Next question.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪ ♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪ ♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪ ♪ I am a mighty little man ♪ Do you really think your supercollider could make a black hole?

There is about a one-in-a-trillion chance it could.

Friendly advice...

next time somebody asks you if your work could destroy the world, just say no.

I'm not sure there's gonna be a next time.

What do you mean?

I've been doing science all my life.

[stammers]

It's time for something else.

Like what?

Maybe scrimshaw?

That's, uh, carving art into whale bone.

You really want to spend your day carving a whale bone?

I don't know what else I'd do with it.

Oh, come on, you're a scientist.

This is just silly.

Connie...

I'm and just lost my dream job.

[chuckles]

Right now, uh...

I think I need to, uh...

take a step back.

The Texan in me wants to say get back on the horse.

But I won't.

SHELDON: It's so exciting he's back.

How did he look?

The same.

Good, I was afraid he might've shrunk more.

Although maybe you both shrunk and you couldn't tell.

Hey!

I'm still taller than you, so watch it.

It'll be great to have him back at the university.

Actually... doesn't sound like he's going back.

Why not?

He's a little upset about getting fired, and... says he's ready for a change.

An old person trying something new?

That's funny.

You'll be old one day, too, pal.

I already don't like new things.

Bring it on.

Why would I rehire him?

He just caused a panic about the supercollider.

They say there's no such thing as bad publicity.

- That's a quote from P.T. Barnum.

- I don't care.

Do you care that the "P" stood for Phineas?

- No.

- Then I won't tell you what the "T" stood for.

- Great.

- Taylor.

Sheldon, Dr. Sturgis quit right before the semester started.

He left me in the lurch.

And this is your chance to be the bigger person.

I don't want to be the bigger person.

I'll be the small, petty person.

That's way more fun.

Please?

It would make me really happy if he came back.

And you said yourself my happiness is important to the university.

Are you trying to manipulate me?

Hey, being small and petty is fun.

Anyway, Dr. Sturgis, we'd love to have you back here.

What do you mean, "other job"?

What other job?

STURGIS: Hi, Mary.

Hey, John.

What are you doing here?

Well, I lost my job.

So while I'm figuring things out, I'm a bag boy.

Although at my age, "boy" is pushing it.

[laughs]

Aren't you a little...

[whispers]: overqualified?

[whispers]: Very.

Hey, why don't you join us for dinner this weekend.

Sheldon would love to see you.

Oh, that'd be wonderful.

MAN [over P.A.]: Cleanup on aisle two.

That's me.

Madge, can you finish up here?

I have a date with a mop.

[chuckling]

He's really smart.

Thanks for inviting John to dinner tonight.

Oh, my pleasure.

I've been a little bit worried about him.

You know, with what happened last time.

At least he didn't seem unstable when I talked to him.

The man has a doctorate in science, and he's filling people's grocery bags.

He actually did a really nice job.

He put the heavy things on the bottom.

He kept the cold things together.

Mary.

Well, they don't always do that.

I just hate to see him give up like this.

Who you talking about?

Dr. Sturgis.

What'd he give up?

Science.

He's working at a grocery store.

At least he didn't give up being weird.

He is also coming over for dinner, so behave yourself.

I can behave at school or I can behave at home.

I can't do both.

Well, it's so wonderful to see you all.

Thank you for having me.

It's great to see you, too.

And, Mary, I believe I recognize these tater tots from when I packed them in your bag.

You're k*lling me.

So you work at the grocery store now?

I do.

Just out of curiosity, would you say I look ?

Mm, I suppose.

And what nights do you work again?

He's not selling you beer.

Well, of course not.

I can't believe they would fire you just for mentioning a theory about black holes.

It's just as well.

It was time this old horse was put out to pasture.

Don't say that.

You're not old.

- He's not?

- No.

- But look at his bald head.

- Eat your peas.

I can't understand why you wouldn't want to come back to the university.

Science is a young man's game.

But we could work on something together.

If you average out our ages, we're a lean, mean and a half.

Still too old to be bagging groceries.

I know it's unorthodox,

- but I'm enjoying it.

- [siren blaring]

Tornado this time of year?

There's not a cloud in the sky.

Information is still coming in, but a black hole has been detected in Waxahachie, Texas.

Oh, my Lord.

Sources report it was caused by the supercollider.

The black hole is growing exponentially across Texas, destroying everything in its path.

This is an emergency situation.

Repeat, this is an emergency situat...

John, what do we do?

There's nothing we can do.

He's right.

It's going to create a gravitational field that'll consume everything around it.

Should we evacuate?

We can't.

We could never outrun it.

Well, how much time do we have?

Minutes, at best.

[electricity crackling]

- Daddy, I'm scared.

- It's okay, baby.

We need to pray right now.

You do that.

I'm having a beer.

Oh, everybody hold hands.

Heavenly Father, watch over us...

I don't want to spend my last moments on Earth praying.

Yeah, if we only got a few minutes left, I want to spend it talking to y'all.

You are all the light of my life.

And I love you so much.

[crashing outside]

- Daddy.

- Oh, I got you.

I'm not letting go.

I never said it enough, but I love y'all.

Kids, you have made me a very proud father.

I'm not ready.

There are so many things I want to do.

Well, you better pick one right now.

[panting]

O-Okay, um...

And I just want to say I'm sorry for any time I was bad and any time I was mean to Sheldon.

It's okay.

It's just so funny when he's upset.

But I'm still sorry about it.

I'm sorry, too.

Dad, I've been awful, especially to you.

- No, you haven't.

- I have.

Well, we're good.

Okay, we are done talking.

I love you all, but it is really time to pray.

ALL: Our Father, who art in heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Thy kingdom come, thy will be done on Earth as it is in heaven.

Is that really what would happen if there was a black hole?

One of the possibilities.

Are they all such a bummer?

Not necessarily.

There's a theory that an event like that could open a wormhole into an alternate universe.

So what goes on in an alternate universe?

Anything, really.

It could be slightly different from this one or the complete opposite.

That's true.

So if a black hole transports us to an alternate universe, w-would we even know it?

STURGIS: Probably not.

[Southern accent]: To us, it'd be as normal as boots on a cowboy.

That is wild.

Dr. Sturgis is correct.

If indeed we grew up in another universe, our sense of normality would be formed by that universe.

That's enough.

There are no other universes.

The Bible tells us God created the Earth, not the Earths.

Ugh, why did I have to marry a preacher?

Because it was God's will to bless us with union.

I hope it's his plan that I hit the clubs tonight, 'cause that's gonna happen.

[laughs]

Why am I the only normal one in this family?

If you're the only normal one, statistically speaking, you're abnormal.

[chuckles]

Freak.

Stop picking on him.

You're gonna give him a complex and he'll end up in therapy.

You New Yorkers and your therapy.

The only therapy I ever got was on my backside from Pappy's belt.

Oh, spanking.

That's hot.

I think you should all be in therapy.

All the answers I need are right here.

Hey, I know what'll make this family happy.

A puppy.

Animals are excellent for emotional support.

The only thing I need for emotional support is a warm shotgun and a cold beer.

This guy knows how to party.

You seem to be interested in this alternative universe thing.

Maybe that's something you could work on.

[regular accent]: Maybe there's another universe where I'm already doing that.

Sure, but maybe you could do it in both.

[chuckles]

What are you getting at?

Just that instead of wasting your time bagging groceries, you could be working on something worthwhile.

There's nothing wrong with me trying something new.

But you've got a PhD.

You're the smartest person here.

- Well...

- Connie, I'm happy doing what I'm doing right now.

I don't believe that.

Excuse me.

You know more about how I should live my life than I do?

Yeah, maybe.

May I speak with you outside?

John, I'm sorry, I don't mean to push, but I just, I worry about you.

You do?

Of course.

You know I care about you.

That means a lot.

The truth is, if I could live in an alternate universe, I'd live in one where we never broke up.

Hope it's okay to say that.

It is.

Because I wish it, too.

Oh, Connie.

Oh, John.

John?

- John?

- Huh?

If you could live in an alternate universe, what would it be?

Oh, I haven't really given it any thought.

Another theory of black holes involves Hawking radiation.

Right.

Near the event horizon, virtual particles are being created.

Actually, twin virtual particles.

Wait, what's an "event horizon"?

It just means the edge.

Why not say "the edge"?

The guitar player for U is called the Edge.

What does that have to do with anything?

I'm participating in the conversation.

You're just sitting there like a lump.

[chuckles]

"Lump." Anyway, ordinarily, the particles would collide and destroy each other.

But in this instance, they could exist simultaneously.

And what is the significance of that?

I can participate, smart-ass.

Good job, lump.

SHELDON: One interpretation would be, if I was standing at the event horizon, I could interact with my own twin.

I've interacted with you.

It's not great.

I think if there were two of me, we'd be unstoppable.

So, if we add the information entropy, we'll get the result we're looking for.

That's brilliant.

I had a feeling you'd like it.

♪ That's what the back of my head looks like.

Nice.

Hmm.

We'll call it the Cooper-Cooper Theorem.

Perfect.

Wait, which Cooper comes first?

- This Cooper.

- Why you?

I'm the original.

You're just my twin.

Don't say it like you're better than me.

We're exactly the same.

I don't appreciate your condescending tone.

It's your tone.

We're the same person.

If we're the same person, why are you so annoying?

- Stop it.

- You stop it.

What are you gonna do about it?

I don't know, I've never been in a fight before.

Well, you're about to be.

This is ridiculous.

Are you done?

Not even close.

Then Sheldon One grabs Sheldon Two...

- ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

- [screaming]

♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪ ♪ Why can't we be friends? ♪

Ow, ow, my eyes!

- My eyes.

- Are you okay?

I am now.

Okay, enough.

That's how you participate.

Thank you for walking me home.

It's the gentlemanly thing to do.

Although to be honest, if we were att*cked, I'd be counting on you to get us out of it.

[chuckles]

- John?

- Yeah?

Are you doing okay?

Well, getting fired was tough,

- but I'm glad to be back here in town.

- Mm.

I'm glad you're back, too.

But if you feel yourself slipping again, promise me you'll get some help.

I promise.

Well, good.

I worry about you.

You do?

Of course.

That means a lot.

Well, this is me.

Guess I'll be seeing you next time you go shopping?

[chuckles]

I look forward to it.

Connie?

Yeah?

Tuesdays are double coupons.

Good to know.

ADULT SHELDON: We often regret the things we don't say.

There's a lot of things I wish I had said to my dad while he was around.

That I appreciated him.

That I loved him.

Which is why I'm grateful for the times I did tell him how I felt.

Tonight was fun.

Yeah?

Why is that?

Dr. Sturgis was here.

Everybody talked about science.

It was nice.

It was.

How are you?

You got I.D.?

Yeah.

Dang it.

I must have left it in my wife's minivan.

I can't sell this to you.

I'm , I swear.

You can ask Dr. Sturgis.

- Who?

- The old guy over there.

Dr. Sturgis!

Hey!

Never mind.