01x04 - Nolite Te Bastardes Carborundorum

[bunniefuu]

OFFRED: Previously on The Handmaid's Tale...

You haven't asked for your napkins yet this month.

RITA: We're all so hopeful.

SERENA JOY: Fred and I tried for so long.

It was hard to keep faith, but here you are.

You're my miracle.

I'm out of town next week, but when I get back then we'll have to have a rematch.

I'll check my schedule.

See if you can squeeze me in.

- (GROANS)
- SERENA JOY: No! Stop!

Mrs. Waterford, this is state business.

She's pregnant!

I just wanted to check if you were okay.

I'm fine.

I should've just driven away with you.

Mrs. Waterford, I'm not pregnant.

I got my period.

You will stay here, and you will not leave this room.

(YELLING) Do you understand me?

Things can get much worse for you.

("DAYDREAM BELIEVER" BY THE MONKEES)

(KIDS LAUGHING IN DISTANCE)

OFFRED: Luke said she was missing it.

He said we should wake her up.

Her little hand was all sticky from the cotton candy.

I can't do this.

It's dangerous.

If I let myself fall in too far, I won't ever get out.

I've been banished to my room.

(DOG BARKING IN DISTANCE)

Thirteen days so far.

My door is unlocked.

It doesn't even close all the way.

A constant reminder of who's in control.

(RATTLING SOUND)

(EXHALES)

(SOBBING QUIETLY)

There are things in this room to discover.

I am like an explorer,

a traveler to undiscovered countries.

That's better than a lunatic, lost in her memories.

(FLOOR CREAKING)

(SOBBING SOFTLY)

Words.

It's Latin, I think.

Someone wrote it. In here,

where no one would ever see it.

Was it Offred?

The one who was here before?

It's a message, for me.

(METAL SHARPENING)

OFFRED: Hey. You there?

I got it out of the toilet.

It's pretty sharp already. Oh.

OFFRED: Good.

What?

It's just we'll be posted soon.

Posted. You sound like Aunt Chlamydia.

OFFRED: We're gonna get out of here.

MOIRA: So? Posted could be worse.

It sounds like some sort of forced surrogacy or something.

That's just what Alma heard. She's a drama queen.

We don't know anything really yet.

MOIRA: I can guess.

We get the turkey baster full of old-man jizz, shoved up our twats so we can maybe pop out a baby for the Fatherland.

- Sounds awesome.
- (WOOD SCRATCHING)

OFFRED: What are you doing?

MOIRA: You spell "Aunt Lydia" with a "y," right?

OFFRED: Oh, God, don't do that.

What? I like to read when I take a dump.

If they catch you writing, you will lose a hand.

You know that. It's not worth it.

Yeah, it is.

And once we get out of here, there's gonna be a girl that comes in here and reads it.

It will let her know she's not alone.

(DOOR OPENS)

AUNT ELIZABETH: Moira! Time's up!

Just a second, Aunt Elizabeth.

Just having my monthly woe.

(TOILET FLUSHES)

AUNT ELIZABETH: Let's go!

(KNOCKING)

(WHISPERING) Bye.

OFFRED: You had to be brave to do this.

So, whatever it means, thank you.

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

- You were up early.
- Work.

Is it the UN?

Well, give it a month. They'll have to lift the embargo if they don't want the Euro to collapse.

An Aunt escaped last night, from the Needham Red Center.

Well, the Eyes will catch her.

She crossed the border.

Gave an interview to the Toronto Star.

It's already up on their website.

- What does it say?
- You can imagine.

Lies and hyperbole, everything in the worst possible light.

I would expect more from an Aunt.

Just me being naive, I guess.

Have Fortenberry send in a written response.

The important thing is not to discredit what she said, but we need to discredit her.

You don't need to worry about this. I promise.

We've got good men working on it.

Praised be.

- Good morning, Rita.
- RITA: Commander, sir.

Ma'am. Blessed day.

(GASPS)

- Rita?
- What's wrong with you?

You scared the sh*t out of me.

I'm sorry.

What were you doing in there?

I... I was...

I was getting dressed.

And I think I just, I felt light-headed, you know?

I guess I might've passed out.

Are you sick?

No. No, I...

I feel fine.

I really wouldn't want to worry anyone, you know?

Okay.

What did she do this time?

She was on the ground, ma'am. She said she fainted.

- She fainted?
- No, that's what she said.

She was on the ground.

Should I make an appointment at the doctor?

No.

She'll be fine.

Yes, ma'am.

We do have the Ceremony tonight.

- Make an appointment.
- Yes, ma'am.

Well. Duty calls.

(RAIN FALLING)

OFFRED: The doctor's office is on the other side of town.

That's a whole hour each way, if I walk slow.

An hour of outside and rain and flowers and

fresh f*cking air.

You're sick. Is that right?

I fainted, Mrs. Waterford.

All right. Come on, then. The car is out front.

No, I can...

What? You can what?

I can walk. It's not too far.

Don't be stupid. You're sick.

Now come.

(RAIN POURING)

AUNT LYDIA: All right, girls.

Settle down.

A bit higher, Janine.

That's better. Now, girls.

Soon you will be leaving us for new homes, a new family.

And they won't judge you for your looks, or your clothes, or your ability to sound clever.

Take your hands out of your mouth!

They will love you for the blessing only you can provide.

So, what, is this, like, practice for labor?

- I mean, if we get pregnant?
- AUNT LYDIA: Helen!

We raise our hand.

These poses are similar to the ones we will take during childbirth.

But today we are practicing for the Ceremony.

The Ceremony is a sacred ritual.

A wonderful ritual.

Once a month, on fertile days, the Handmaid shall lie between the legs of the Commander's wife.

The two of you will become one flesh, one flower, waiting to be seeded.

We're flowers.

Lay down.

What? It's nice.

AUNT LYDIA: Now, if the girls behind could hold the wrists of the girls in front.

Moira?

(CLEARS THROAT)

Are you saying that we will be having intercourse with the men between the wives' legs?

(CHUCKLES)

When Rachel saw that she bear Jacob no children, she said unto Jacob, "Give me children, or else I die."

And Rachel said, "Behold my maid, Bilhah, go in unto her, and she shall bear upon my knees, that I may have children by her."

That is His word, dear.
And we shall abide.

All right, girls, back in your positions.

(WHISPERS) This is f*cked.

(FISH t*nk WATER BUBBLING)

(MUFFLED) Waterford?

Waterford.

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

You know what to do.

Doctor will be right in.

- (SIGHS)
- (DOOR OPENS)

DOCTOR: Raining cats and dogs out there.

Well, it's good for my tomatoes.

I'm growing heirlooms this year, mostly yellow Valencia.

So, I hear you fainted.

- Yes.
- Okay, well, your pressure's fine.

Do you have any other symptoms?

Dizziness, stomach pains?

Double vision?

- No.
- That's good.

According to your chart, it's Ceremony night.

Yes.

Well, fainting isn't uncommon on Ceremony nights.

How are the Waterfords? Are they treating you okay?

Yes, they treat me very well.

You know, you can talk to me.

I can't do much about your situation, but I'm a good listener.

All right, then.

While you're here, I might as well have a quick look, make sure that everything is in fighting shape for tonight.

This might feel a bit cool.

- (EXHALES)
- Just relax.

(GASPS)

You're ripe. Right on schedule.

It doesn't really matter. Waterford's probably sterile.

Most of those guys are.

OFFRED: Sterile.

That's a forbidden word.

There's no such thing as a sterile man anymore.

There's only women who are fruitful and women who are barren.

(DOOR CLOSES)

DOCTOR: (WHISPERING) I can help you.

It could be the only way for you.

If Waterford can't get you pregnant, they won't blame him.

It'll be your fault.

It'll only take a few minutes, honey.

I can't.

It's too dangerous.

Thank you.

(DOOR OPENS)

(BREATH TREMBLING)

(PEOPLE CHATTERING INDISTINCTLY)

OFFRED: That's a good girl.

Mommy loves you.

Mommy loves you.

Oh, God damn it!

f*ck!

God damn it! God f*cking damn it!

(OFFRED SOBBING)

- (CONTINUES SOBBING)
- We're home.

Look, I'm sorry this is happening to you.

- I wish...
- You wish what?

What do you wish?

So, are you dying?

Dehydrated.

You need to take better care of yourself.

Everything is in working order for this evening?

- Yes.
- Did he check?

Yes. He checked.

Good.

Mrs. Waterford,

I know I failed you.

I... I disappointed you and myself.

And I will do my best to not let it happen again.

I've learned my lesson.

I'm so sorry.

Please, let me out.

OFFRED: Please.

Go back to your room.

(SCRATCHING)

OFFRED: (WHISPERING) How did you survive her?

Just please talk to me.

AUNT LYDIA: Blessed be the pure in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

HANDMAIDS: Blessed be the pure in spirit for theirs is the Kingdom of Heaven.

OFFRED: Aunt Elizabeth?

One of the toilets is overflowing again.

Oh, dear.

(DOOR OPENS)

(GASPS)

Don't make a f*cking sound.

Anyone see you?

(WHIMPERS) One sound and I push this into your neck.

You know I'll do it, right?

(WHIMPERS)

Over here. Over here!

- Please don't hurt me.
- Shut up.

Take your clothes off.

(SCREAMS)

(AUNT ELIZABETH WHIMPERING)

Hurry up! Hurry!

(WHISPERING) Do it, faster!

Sit here.

Sit here. Put your arms around the pipe.

- Put your arms around the pipe!
- Okay.

Please.

- I know this wasn't your idea.
- Shut the f*ck up.

(SOBBING)

- You okay?
- Yeah.

(GASPS)

(GASPING)

What?

It's an eye for an eye, right?

I could shove this down your throat

- and burn your tongue off.
- (SOBBING)

- Or your c**t.
- Moira!

Let's go. Come on.

Just remember I didn't.

If it ever comes to that.

(GASPING)

(GAGGING)

(SOBS)

- (SOBBING)
- (DOOR OPENING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Help me!

Help!

- (INDISTINCT VOICES OVER RADIO)
- (HELICOPTERS WHIR)

OFFRED: sh*t. Just look meek.

GUARDIAN: Where are you taking this Handmaid?

Open the gate.

Yes, ma'am.

(DOGS BARKING IN DISTANCE)

(INDISTINCT RADIO CHATTER)

(DOOR OPENS)

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING)

(DOOR CLOSES)

WATERFORD: Blessed be the fruit.

OFFRED: He can't be in here yet.

First is household staff, then the wife, then the Commander.

And he knocks. He has to knock.

He can't be in here.

WATERFORD: Sorry, did I startle you?

I just wanted to say hello.

I haven't seen you in a while.

Hello.

Hi.

(KEYS JINGLE)

I was thinking perhaps we could have a rematch tonight.

Scrabble.

: in my office?

What do you think?

(FOOTSTEPS APPROACH)

(DOOR OPENS)

Well, who's an early bird today?

Blessed be the fruit.

May the Lord open.

WATERFORD: "And when Rachel saw that she bear Jacob no children, Rachel envied her sister and said unto Jacob,

Give me children or else I die."

- Fred.
- (DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(UNZIPS PANTS)

(DOG BARKS IN DISTANCE)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

What are you doing?

SERENA JOY: Let me help you.

(SIGHING)

Does that feel good?

Don't.

(DOOR OPENS)

(DOOR CLOSES)

Go back to your room.

(DOOR CLOSES)

OFFRED: I'll be blamed.

I'm not blameless.

He tried to talk to me before the Ceremony.

He tried to connect.

That's what he needs.

You can wet the rim of a glass

and run your finger around the rim

and it will make a sound.

This is what I feel like, this sound of glass.

I feel like the word "shatter."

(SHOVEL SCRAPING)

We've just gotta get to the city.

- The collective has some safe houses.
- (VOICES OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)

Where are we?

They probably didn't take us far.

Most of the girls are from the city.

Where are the street signs?

(POLICE SIREN WAILING)

GUARDIAN: Negative. (VOICE OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)

(SIRENS WAILING)

Where are we?

Come on.

(HORN HONKING)

(TIRES SQUEALING)

Stand by, Two.

(INDISTINCT VOICES OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)

(GRUNTING)

(INDISTINCT VOICES OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)

Which track goes to Boston?

(HAMMERING CONTINUES IN BACKGROUND)

We can't get on the wrong train.

Just stay here for a second and I'll go ask someone.

- No!
- Hey, it'll be fine, right?

I'm an Aunt.

I'll scare the sh*t out of them.

- (MAN SPEAKING OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)
- (HAMMERING CONTINUES)

Blessed be the fruit.

GUARDIAN : Blessed day, under His eye.

MOIRA: Could you help me?

Which train goes to Boston?

- That'd be this track right here.
- This track?

- (HAMMERING CONTINUES)
- (MAN TALKING OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)

Blessed day, miss. Do you need some help?

Yes, thank you.

Do you know which train goes to Boston?

It's coming in now.

It's hard without the signs, right?

They're going to replace them soon, I think.

Where's your partner?

You shouldn't be out alone.

Can I see your ID card?

(TRAIN APPROACHING)

Where are you posted?

(INAUDIBLE)

(INAUDIBLE)

(DEPARTURE BELL RINGING)

OFFRED: Moira, you wouldn't stand for this sh*t.

You wouldn't let them keep you in this room for two weeks.

You'd find a way out. You'd escape.

Get up.

Get your crazy ass up.

(KNOCKING LIGHTLY)

(DOOR OPENS)

How was your trip?

Stressful.

I was in Mexico to coordinate a trade delegation.

Lot of difficult personalities, you have no idea.

Maybe I should let you win again.

(SCOFFS)

That's very nice of you, but I prefer a fair fight.

Twenty-six.

It's archaic, I think.

- Would you like to challenge?
- Sure.

Hand me the dictionary.

Lower shelf.

(PAGES SHUFFLING)

Did you ever study Latin?

Oh, yes. My parents thought it would help me with the SATs.

Here it is. "Sylph, a thin and graceful girl."

You were right.

OFFRED: Has she been here?

My predecessor.

Knower of Latin. Scratcher of words.

Am I not the first he's invited to this room?

What happened?

Did she say the wrong thing?

Did she displease him,

the divine emperor of this house?

And what price did she pay for her insolence?

I'm sorry. Please.

Please, I'm sorry. Please, please, please.

Sorry.

The most painful thing is not the betrayal of trust, June.

(WHIMPERS)

Do you know what's most painful?

The most painful thing in this entire ugly incident is the ingratitude.

Don't you realize the opportunity you have been given?

Yes, yes, I try to.

You were an adulterer, a worthless slut!

But God found a way to make you useful.

So, where's the gratitude?

I'm sorry.

- I'm sorry.
- Shh, dear.

I know.

God will grant you His forgiveness.

But actions do have consequences.

Chickens always come home to roost.

Aunt Elizabeth.

No. No, please...

Please.

Please, I'm sorry. Please.

- Please, please, please.
- AUNT ELIZABETH: Take off her socks.

(WHIMPERS)

(WHIMPERING)

(SCREAMING)

(CONTINUES SCREAMING)

AUNT ELIZABETH: Back to bed!

(DOOR CLOSES)

(CLOCK TICKING)

You did let me win.

Maybe.

How about a rematch?

Tomorrow, after the Ceremony.

It's a date.

Can you do me a favor?

Sure. Anything...

Within reason, of course.

I was just wondering if you could translate something for me.

I think it's Latin.

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum.

(SCRABBLE TILES RATTLING)

Where'd you hear that?

Does it mean something?

(CHUCKLES)

Not really.

It's a joke.

Oh? How is it a joke?

It's only funny if you know Latin.

Actually, it's probably only funny if you're a -year-old boy studying Latin.

It doesn't really translate.

It's something like,

"Don't let the bastards grind you down."

(CHUCKLES)

Don't let the bastards grind you down.

Thanks.

Where'd you hear it?

From a friend.

Did you know her somehow?

What happened to her?

She's dead.

What happened to her?

She k*lled herself.

Hung herself from the ceiling.

I don't know.

I suppose she found her life...

Unbearable.

And you want...

You want my life to be bearable.

I would prefer it.

It has been so hard.

Being alone in that room all the time.

I know Mrs. Waterford is, is trying to teach me a lesson.

I know. I know she's right.

I have so many flaws.

But it has been so long.

I'm afraid I'm starting to give up.

(CLOCK TICKING)

I certainly wouldn't want to give up.

Like my friend.

That would be a tragedy.

(CHUCKLES)

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(INHALING DEEPLY)

(JOYFUL MUSIC PLAYING)

(MUSIC CONTINUES PLAYING)

OFFRED: There was an Offred before me.

She helped me find my way out.

She's dead.

She's alive.

She is me.

We are Handmaids.

Nolite te bastardes carborundorum, b*tches.

(BIRDS CHIRPING)

(WIND HOWLING)

(RAIN SPLATTERING)