03x20 - The Bitch Is Back


An establishing shot of the street outside the office shows we're right where we left off...

LOGAN: [offscreen] Veronica, there's something you should know.


Veronica's eyes narrow as she stares as Logan.

LOGAN: There's a video of you. Dick got a-hold of it somehow.

Veronica's brow furrows.

VERONICA: Am I singing karaoke?

Logan shakes his head.

LOGAN: No, it’s you and Piz having s*x.

Veronica lets out a forced laugh and wraps her arms around herself. She glances back at Keith's office before addressing Logan again.

VERONICA: Unless it's a video from the future, that's not possible. We haven't had s*x.
LOGAN: Okay. Well, I mean, you were naked and fooling around. I assumed. And I thought you should know.
VERONICA: [getting angry] That you're crazy?

She casts another worried glance at Keith's door.

VERONICA: Oh, thanks, now I know.
LOGAN: Well, I guess you should see this.

Logan takes a step towards her, reaching into his back pocket. He holds out a computer disc. Veronica keeps her arms folded as she stares at the marks on his face.

VERONICA: Why are you bruised?

Logan doesn't answer.

VERONICA: [with increasing fury] What did you do?

She snatches the disc.

LOGAN: I found Piz. We sort of had it out.

Veronica gasps and looks up to the heavens in frustration.

LOGAN: I knew you wouldn't let him tape you like that.

Veronica surges forward, her hands cutting the air.

VERONICA: Stop. Just stop. I don't know why you're involved with this or what the hell is on this thing, but it's not gonna be me. Piz would never-

Veronica can't cope and pushes him away.

VERONICA: You need to go.
LOGAN: I was trying to help.

She pushes him backwards to the door.

VERONICA: Leaving would be helpful.

Logan stares at her sadly but doesn't fight her and leaves the office. Veronica breathes deeply to regain her composure just in time as Keith comes out of the office. She walks quickly towards her desk, hiding her face from him. He notices.

KEITH: Everything okay?

Veronica takes the second she needs to wipe the anger and fear from her face and turns to him.

VERONICA: Yeah. It was just Logan.
KEITH: I’ll meet you at home. I’ll make dinner. You can just walk in and feast like a princess, you spoiled brat.

Keith leaves. Veronica looks at the disc in her hand. Cut to a moment later. Veronica loads the disc into her laptop, in front of her as she sits at her desk. She punches a few keys and stares at the screen in horror.

VERONICA: [on video] Perhaps a cheer?
PIZ: [on video] Actually, it does.
VERONICA: [on video] I was kidding.
PIZ: [on video] Then no.
VERONICA: [on video] Did it involve me being-


Veronica steps back from the door to Piz and Wallace's dorm room, upset that neither is there. She hears Wallace's voice.

WALLACE: [offscreen] Slowly, bro.

Veronica looks up the corridor. She is stricken by the sight of Wallace holding up Piz, helping him walk. Piz's face is badly discoloured and he is clasping his midriff.

WALLACE: You got to take it slow.
PIZ: How does walking make my ribs hurt?

He sees Veronica waiting for them, her face full of compassion.

PIZ: You should see the other guy. His hands, particularly, I-I tore those things up.


Cut to a few moments later. Piz is sitting on his bed, still holding his ribs. Veronica joins him on the bed with a bowl of water and a cloth. Wallace is pacing like a caged cat.

PIZ: He didn't really give me a reason. He sort of just burst into the deejay booth and started whaling on me.
WALLACE: He’s got bruised ribs. His eye's all jacked up.
PIZ: Not...not really helping.
WALLACE: [angry] Look, you didn't lose a fight, Piz. It was a drive-by, man.
PIZ: I guess he was pissed about that thing that happened at the beach?

Veronica gives a sharp intake of breath. He turns to Veronica.

PIZ: I think he still likes you.
VERONICA: He…saw a video of us fooling around.
PIZ: Yeah, I’m on morphine. What?
VERONICA: There’s a video, taken right here in this very room, of us, Adam-and-Eve-style, getting familiar. So, um, here's my question. Is this a thing you do that maybe you forgot to mention?

Piz is horrified.

PIZ: Veronica!
VERONICA: Just now is the time to come clean.

Piz stares at her tragically.

PIZ: You really think I would do that?
VERONICA: [tearfully] No. I-I just don't understand how it happened.

Wallace frowns.

PIZ: So there's an actual video. Well, where did Logan get it?
WALLACE: I was about to go have a talk with him anyway. So maybe I can get some answers.

Wallace heads for the door.

VERONICA: [warningly] Wallace.
WALLACE: Oh, we're having a conversation.
VERONICA: I'll deal with him.

He's not happy about it, but he concedes.


There's a rapid banging on the door. Dick opens it. Parker, looking distressed but in control, stands outside.

PARKER: Is he here?
DICK: Who? Logan? You know, I don't know if, um...

Parker doesn't have the patience and barges past him. Logan, sitting on his bed in his room, looks up on her arrival.

PARKER: Just so you know. The best way to show that you're still in love with your ex-girlfriend is to beat up her new boyfriend.

Logan shuts the magazine he is reading and starts to get off the bed.

LOGAN: Parker, you're-
PARKER: You're an idiot.

He freezes his movement, dropping the magazine on the bed.

LOGAN: What?
PARKER: "Parker, you're an idiot."

He stands up.

LOGAN: No, that’s not what I was gonna say.
PARKER: I know. You were going for something nice. The truth is that I am an idiot.

Logan walks towards her.

LOGAN: You’re not. There’s just a lot to this that you don't understand.

He reaches down for her hand, but she keeps it tightly by her body.

PARKER: Like why I kept thinking that I mean something to you when it's always been Veronica?

Logan doesn't answer as the truth of her words are undeniable.

PARKER: Wow. You should have seen that expression.

She takes in a long, shuddering breath.

PARKER: It totally sold you out.

Logan takes a step back.

LOGAN: Are you gonna listen to me at all-
PARKER: No! I look at you, and I know you love her.
LOGAN: Piz videotaped them having s*x...without her knowing about it.
PARKER: Oh, God! Well, that's horrible! Well, you must have been devastated. I mean, Veronica had s*x with someone else?
LOGAN: She’s your friend, too! Aren’t you angry for her? Do you realize what this will do to her?
PARKER: [crying] Do you realize that we just broke up?

Logan just stares at her.

PARKER: Yeah, I didn't think so.

Parker turns and walks away. Logan makes no attempt to stop her. Cut to a moment later. Outside the suite, Parker, still upset, walks towards the lift just as it arrives. She isn't that surprised to see Veronica disembark.


She shrugs.

PARKER: Did he send up a flare?

Veronica stares at in, half-concerned, half-confused.

PARKER: [whispering] He’s all yours, Veronica.
VERONICA: Trust me. Not why I’m here.

Parker sighs deeply before stepping towards the empty lift.

PARKER: You know, it doesn't even matter anymore.

Veronica continues to watch her with concern as she pushes the button and the lift doors close. Cut to a second later as Dick opens the door to another knock.

VERONICA: Where is he?

Veronica's face is set hard, brooking no prevarication, which Dick recognises immediately. He just points towards Logan's room. Veronica marches in, stopping to point firmly at Dick.

VERONICA: You! Don't leave. We’re having a little chat after.

Veronica strides onwards, leaving Dick looking a little nonplussed. She reaches Logan's room. Standing by the window, Logan turns to face her.

VERONICA: He’s having trouble breathing because of his ribs. He got five stitches over his eye.
LOGAN: Only five?
VERONICA: You’re a lunatic.
LOGAN: You didn't know he was taping you?
VERONICA: [furious] Because he didn't!
LOGAN: [shouting] Oh, come on, Veronica. Who else would have or could have done that?
VERONICA: Here’s what I know: it wasn't Piz, and it could not be less of your business.
LOGAN: Aren’t we trying to be friends?

Logan takes a few steps towards her.

LOGAN: As your friend, I was angry at what happened to you. Someone’s always supposed to pay, right? Isn’t that the rule we live by?
VERONICA: We tried to be friends, and it didn't work. [quavering] This is the moment, Logan, right now, where it's just done. You’re out of my life forever.

Veronica's eyes glisten as she turns on her heel and walks out of the room. Logan watches her as she turns back and slams closed the double doors of his room.

Opening credits (last few seconds only, no theme song).


Veronica steps into the lounge are of the suite. Dick has disappeared.

VERONICA: Dick? Get out here.

Dick appears at the door to his room.

DICK: [innocently] What’s up, V?
VERONICA: If you had to bet?
DICK: Look, from a guy's perspective, the video just made your stock go up. You looked great. Enthusiasm — always a plus-
VERONICA: It’s like you're this giant jackass piñata begging for someone to beat the candy out of you.

Dick's reaction indicates that this is a fair assessment.

VERONICA: Where’d you get the video?
DICK: Someone emailed it to me.

Dick shrugs extravagantly.

VERONICA: Get your computer.
DICK: I probably deleted-
VERONICA: After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.

Dick is sombre considering this and finally gives up the fight. He marches to the couch and sits next to his laptop, setting it up on the ottoman. Veronica sits next to him. She impatiently taps the keyboard, quickly bringing up the relevant email.

VERONICA: Chip Diller. You didn't know it was from Chip?

Protesting, Dick points to the screen.

DICK: Well, see how many emails I get?

Dick has a number of emails on a variety of subjects — "Got something for me?" "Trippy Eye Tests," "surfin," and "Greatest Sports Injuries." The relevant one, sent to Dick and countless others (surferalex, Todd McDade, jesse441, Logan Fields, ganjabuddha, klembomb, fairyTailTrail, Kurt Trusdale, Jisoo Hong, Chester Yarbrough, Steven Aller, rishiMangTok, Beau Bellanfant, Alan Oquendo and twenty-nine others) is entitled "Emission to Mars" and Chip's message reads: "Our own Veronica Mars receiving an Emission!!!!! Forward to everyone in your inbox!"

VERONICA: You forwarded it to your whole address book?
DICK: It was instinct. I always forward p0rn.

Dick looks to redeem himself in her eyes.

DICK: When it's good.
VERONICA: You are going to be so popular in hell.

Veronica taps a few more keys, then jumps up and strides out.


Veronica walks quickly across campus. Weevil races, as much as he can, after her.

WEEVIL: Veronica. Veronica!

Veronica calls out over her shoulder, not pausing.

VERONICA: I’m a little busy.
WEEVIL: Yeah, that figures.

Veronica comes to a stop with a horrified sigh and turns to face him.

VERONICA: Can you shiv me, please?
WEEVIL: I didn't see the whole thing, all right.
VERONICA: Seriously, just bash me in the head with your boot or something.
WEEVIL: I don't know what you plan on doing, but I’m offering my help. Whatever you need, I’m in.
VERONICA: There’s a good chance I’m going to take you up on that.

Veronica hurries away.


Music: "It's a Curse" by Wolf Parade.

LYRICS: Just the other night
Body twisted and unfound
You know it's there lying
They are too dead but the body don't mind
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
Oh, oh, oh
You know a neutral sky
And nothing to do at night
Little highway lights
They shine

As Veronica walks into the Food Court, she is followed by titters and knowing stares. She pauses and looks around, seeing just how viral the tape has become as nearly everyone there is smirking, leering or laughing.

VERONICA: [quietly, to herself] And I’m back in high school. Goody.

She spots Chip at one of the tables with three other boys. She advances.


Chip looks up from his pizza.

VERONICA: Moment of your time?
CHIP: I'm kind of in the middle of something.
VERONICA: It’s a cluster of morons. Don’t worry. They’ll let you back in.

Chip chuckles.

CHIP: You know what I like about you? You got spirit.

The others giggle.

VERONICA: I want to talk to you.
CHIP: That’s what you're doing.
VERONICA: Could you put your head up your ass before they stuck the egg in there, or is this new?

The others laugh but this sobers Chip up.

CHIP: What do you want?
VERONICA: Who sent you that video?
CHIP: Don’t know, don't care.

Veronica bends down, leaning in towards Chip from the other side of the table and drops her voice.

VERONICA: You don't care now. But holy crap, are you gonna care when I start to get my revenge on. You’ll be doing all sorts of caring.

Veronica jerks upright, spins on her heel and walks off to the sound of the other boys making "Uh oh" noises. Chip's face shows that he isn't so casual about the threat.


Veronica is storming down the corridor, away from the Food Court. Chip runs to get close enough to shout at her.

CHIP: Hey, Veronica, wait up.

She comes to a halt and turns to face him.

CHIP: Domonick Desante. That's the guy who sent me the email.

Without a word, Veronica twists around again and strides away. Chip is concerned. He calls out after her.

CHIP: So we're cool, right?

Veronica doesn't pause.

CHIP: Right? Everything’s cool?

Veronica smiles, but gives him no comfort as she continues on her path.


There's a lot of activity recorded on the whiteboard that hangs on the door to the room shared by Louis and Domonick (who appears to have parents that can't spell), including a quiz question, a cartoon and a message to Louis from Lovebone. The door opens. Domonick appears and looks down at Veronica. He recognises her immediately and smirks obnoxiously.

VERONICA: Domonick.
VERONICA: Where did you get the video of me?
DOMONICK: I don't know what you're talking about.
VERONICA: Your pubescent snickering tells me differently.
DOMONICK: Someone sent it to me.
VERONICA: You should tell me who. Or I can assume that it originated from you.
DOMONICK: You can assume whatever position you'd like.
VERONICA: I’m thinking choke hold, you gasping for your last breath.
DOMONICK: Shh, shh, shh, sweetheart, sweetheart. You are so much hotter with the sound off.
VERONICA: You’ll really be better off giving me that name.
DOMONICK: Yeah. Well, I guess I need to go quiver in fear now, so. See ya.

He shuts the door on her. Veronica turns, her look determined.

VERONICA: [quietly, to herself] Okay, then.


Domonick and a girl exit a restaurant. The girl is unhappy. Domonick is somewhat embarrassed.

DOMONICK: Credit-card company made some sort of mistake. I have a ton of available credit on that card, a ton. I'll totally pay you back for dinner. It’s kind of funny, right? It’s like a cute little story we have.

As they turn the corner, the girl stops, letting out a grunt of disgust. Domonick follows her stare. His car is minus all its tires and up on blocks.


He stares at it in disbelief. Weevil, dressed in dark clothes and looking every inch the hood, appears from behind him, "casually" walking by.

WEEVIL: That yours? You must have some bad karma.

Domonick sighs heavily.


Domonick walks into his dark dorm room and reaches for the light switch. Nothing happens. He sighs in frustration as he rapidly turns the switch on and off. He stops when a light from a lamp in the corner is switched on. Veronica, on whom the light is trained, is sitting in a chair at the end of the room. She starts to sing Daniel Powter's "Bad Day."

VERONICA: Because you had a bad day
You're taking one down
You sing a sad-

Domonick closes in on her threateningly. Veronica holds up and activates the taser, the spark bright in the darkened room. Domonick freezes.

VERONICA: Anxious to find out how far I’ll go? Or are you ready to give me that name?

Domonick gives a snort of defeat.

DOMONICK: It was this guy, Gory, all right? Gory Sorokin.

Veronica's face remains passive.

DOMONICK: [anxiously] But seriously, you cannot tell him that I told you.

She doesn't respond.


Veronica knocks on the door to Gory's room. As she waits, she pops a stick of gum into her mouth. Getting no reply, she turns away, discontented. She starts to walk away but turns back at the sound of flip-flopped feet. A guy dressed only in his sandals and a towel is walking towards the door of Gory's room.

VERONICA: Are you Gory?
GORY: Who wants to know?
VERONICA: Well, seeing as I’m the one asking, I’m guessing me.

Gory looks down at her dismissively.

GORY: You do have nice pom-poms. I'll give you that.

He opens the door to and walks into his room, leaving Veronica to absorb the insult with another chew of her gum. Gory looks back at her as he sets down his belongings carried from the shower.

GORY: Are you coming in or what?

Taking a deep breath, Veronica enters the room, staying by the door.

GORY: You’re shorter in person.

Veronica lets out another deep breath at the guy's arrogance.

VERONICA: Are you the one who planted the camera?
GORY: Does it really matter? What do you think you could do about it?

Veronica leans against the bookcase part of the desk by the door.

VERONICA: Ask Dominick Desante.

Gory, who has been busying himself with his stuff, freezes.

VERONICA: I can make your life hell.

Gory looks straight at her for the first time since she's come into the room. Veronica stares back, no longer chewing.

GORY: I don't think you can.

Gory turns to face her, taking the opportunity to knock the towel off his body. It drops to the floor. Veronica rolls her eyes and looks away.

GORY: If you have proof that I’m involved in some way, maybe you should get a lawyer. If you don't, maybe you should just stay and have a drink.
VERONICA: Yeah. I’m definitely gonna need a drink. Perhaps twelve. I don't know, how many does it usually take for a girl to find you not gross?

As Gory puts on his underwear, Veronica walks out.


Veronica is lying on her stomach on Piz's bed, propped up on her elbows. She has headphones on which are connected to her laptop. Piz is sitting on the edge of the bed, strumming his guitar. He is still much bruised, far more than Logan. He stops and nudges Veronica with his elbow.

PIZ: You know what I noticed today?

Veronica slides one side of the headphones away from one ear to give him some attention. Piz points to his cheek.

PIZ: Look really close at the welt under my eye.

Veronica twists around in concern.

VERONICA: What? Is your eye okay?
PIZ: Yeah, I was just pointing out that this bright-pink part looks kind of like the Virgin Mary.

Veronica chuckles and sinks back down to her laptop, adjusting the headphones again.

PIZ: I call this my miracle eye.

Piz starts to strum and sing.

PIZ: My miracle eye-

Veronica, having heard something on the headphones, grabs the neck of the guitar urgently.

GORY: [audio] The pledges are picking up their instructions at the north quad newspaper stand.


In his room, Gory is at the wardrobe, selecting a shirt as he talks on his cell phone.

GORY: Because I picked the spot, and that's where I picked.

As he throws the shirt on the back of the chair by the desk, the camera picks up the bug that Veronica planted with the gum under the desktop.


Veronica frantically takes notes as she eavesdrops.

GORY: [audio] Well you just leave that to me. I've got transportation worked out.
PIZ: You know, you're adorable when you surveil.

Veronica looks back at Piz with a grin, returning her attention immediately to the conversation.

GORY: [audio] Blindfolds? They won't be...

Veronica removes the headphones and twists around to Piz.

VERONICA: Do any of the fraternities do a late-spring rush?
PIZ: I don't think so.

Veronica sighs, confused.


Music: "Set Out Running" by Neko Case and her Boyfriends.

LYRICS: Want to get it all behind me
You know everything reminds me
I can't be myself without you
Want to crawl down deep inside
The springs inside the mattress
Where I cry my dirty secrets
'Cause I just can't shake this feeling
That I’m nothing in your eyes

Camera in hand, Veronica is leaning against a tree in one of the campus outdoor areas set up with tables.

VERONICA VOICEOVER: So who are these mystery pledges, and what do they have to do with my public humiliation?

She's watching and photographing all the people taking a copy of the Hearst Free Press from a newspaper box. After taking snaps of three different guys, she straightens from her slouch against the tree in surprise. Wallace approaches the newspaper box. She takes two photographs and watches him as he glances around suspiciously, but does not spot her. Her brow furrows. End music: "Set Out Running" by Neko Case and her Boyfriends. Cut to a few moments later as she runs to catch up with Wallace who is walking while searching through the paper.

VERONICA: Reading all about it?

For an instant, Wallace is nonplussed but he quickly hides it.

WALLACE: A guy's got to keep current. What are you up to?
VERONICA: Just taking surveillance photos of everyone who takes a paper out of that machine, you know, for kicks.

Wallace grows increasingly uncomfortable as Veronica puts her arm around him.

VERONICA: You aren't pledging any sort of fraternity, are you?
WALLACE: You think I'd join a fraternity without telling you?
VERONICA: I got to grasp at the occasional straw, nature of the business. What are you doing on this side of campus? Don’t you have lab in, like, five minutes?
WALLACE: Are you grilling me?

Further discussion is interrupted by the ringing of Veronica's cell. She takes it from her pocket and looks at the caller ID.

VERONICA: I got to take this.

Veronica moves off to take the call. Wallace watches her, his smile fading.


Veronica laughs in disbelief.

VERONICA: You want what?


PROFESSOR: Come back for office hours. We’ll talk about this later. Oh, Mr. Fennel. This is very strange, but when I left my house this morning, I found this taped to my front door.


VERONICA: You look okay to me. Was this wardrobe change more of an olfactory issue?
KEITH: You tell me. I dropped my salad. You can't really get vinaigrette out with a wet paper towel. They’re doing an article on me for the Neptune Register. The interview's in a couple of days, but they've got a photographer due here any minute.
VERONICA: And you thought a photo of you in your boxers would hurt your lead in the polls?
KEITH: With clean pants, it's a smooth cruise into victory.
VERONICA: And what a beautiful day that will be for Mars, the family; Neptune, the town; Milky Way, the galaxy. Sun will be shining. Birds will be singing. There'll be dancing in the streets. So smile pretty.


WALLACE: Do you know what the Castle is?
VERONICA: I think I’ve heard something about it.
WALLACE: It’s Hearst’s version of Skull and Bones. They tapped me to join.
VERONICA: So, this morning-
WALLACE: This morning, I didn't think that the Castle had anything to do with that tape. Now I do. This girl called me a few days ago wanting to hang out, and I brushed her off. Basically, I lied and told her I had to go to a study night at my professor's house. After I saw you today, my professor gave me this. It’s a message from the Castle. They knew where I was supposed to be.
VERONICA: They bugged you?
WALLACE: Yeah, and it just makes sense that it's the same device they used to catch you and Piz.
VERONICA: Okay. I’m gonna need names and-
WALLACE: I haven't met a single person, not even another pledge. The person who tapped me, he isn't even a member. The whole rush process is done in messages. Well, they got one less guy to torture in hell night.
VERONICA: Any chance you'd reconsider that? I’m sorry. That’s crazy. That’s way too much to ask.
WALLACE: It’s not. I can do it. How am I supposed to get names? I have a feeling there's no ID tags.
VERONICA: Just get their faces.
WALLACE: You know I can't draw, right?
VERONICA: It's a camera. Snap a few shots of the guys when you can.
WALLACE: When I got tapped, I went to the Hearst library and looked up everything I could on the Castle. There wasn't much. But there was this exposé.
VERONICA: And look who wrote it.


VERONICA: Thanks for meeting me.
NISH: Who doesn't love a good chat with old friends about secret societies? Our illustrious namesake was a Yale Skull and Bones man. He wanted Hearst to have something similar. So he started the Castle at Stanford, where his son went, and at Hearst, the school he founded.
VERONICA: So, what do they do?
NISH: That's the billion-dollar question. Being tapped for the Castle, they say, is a ticket to wealth, power, and privilege. They're treated like rock stars.
VERONICA: So who gets tapped?
NISH: Notable freshman males. Future politicians and lawyers. Engineers, journalists, athletes. Wealthy men making other like-minded men wealthy.
VERONICA: And how do the ladies feel about that?
NISH: We're not happy. A group tried to sue for admission last year, but they couldn't figure out exactly who to sue. No one knows who the members are.



SYNTHESIZED VOICE: First corridor on your left. Keep going. Go into unit 499. Three, strip to your underwear. Throw your clothes outside the door, shut the door, then put on the collar and sit in the chair. Three, what you do now will dictate the course of your future. All you have to do is tell the truth and the world will be at your feet. We have no secrets in the Castle. It keeps us honest. Lie to us and one of your brothers will pay the price. Do you understand?
WALLACE: I understand.
SYNTHESIZED VOICE: Tell us about Rashard Rucker. What happened the night in Chicago when you ran over the homeless man?



SYNTHESIZED VOICE: So your father committed a crime for you.
WALLACE: Yeah. Aah! What? I answered.
SYNTHESIZED VOICE: Yes. But someone else lied. Do you get it now? You lie, one of your brothers pays the price. Final question. What item were you carrying in your pocket tonight?
WALLACE: Just a pen.
SYNTHESIZED VOICE: You want to try answering that again?



VERONICA: If you ever need a kidney, I’ve got one with your name on it, no questions asked. They knew about the camera?
WALLACE: Yeah, I said it was a pen. Then I heard this scream. I wouldn't talk anymore. That's when voice on the box told me to get out.
VERONICA: I’m so sorry.
WALLACE: I think I know who one of the other pledges is. The voice on the box kept calling me "three." Three, my basketball number. But he slipped up one time, and he called me "Twenty-four Hundred."
VERONICA: Twenty-four hundred. Meaning?
WALLACE: The first couple weeks of school, there was a story in the Free Press about that freshman who made a perfect score on the S.A.T.
VERONICA: Twenty-four hundred.
WALLACE: Yeah. They ran a picture of him with the story. He looked kind of like Josh Groban.
VERONICA: Is that him?
WALLACE: That's the guy.
VERONICA: I'll find him. I'll follow him, and he will lead me to the Castle.


FOOD COURT CASHIER: Thank you. Next. Who's next?
PIZ: Friend of yours?
VERONICA: Apparently not.
LOUT: Oh, enough of the foreplay. Get to the good stuff. Hey, wait. Do I know you? You look so familiar.
PIZ: Come on, man.
LOUT: What? I just think I’ve seen her somewhere before.
PIZ: Don't be a jerk.
LOUT: Ow. You got me.
PIZ: I-it's a nice day. Let's go eat outside. Veronica? Come on.
LOUT: Looks even more familiar from behind.
PIZ: I promise you, karma's going to take care of that guy for you.
VERONICA: I know. I’m gonna run him over with my "karma.


DICK: Dude, I saw that Piznarski guy today. That's one messed-up Polack, my brother. Pound and explode, dude. It's still a thing.
LOGAN: I guess he didn't make the video.
DICK: Whoops. Your bad. Still, it was a royal beat down. Sometimes a random ass-kicking's a good thing. Keeps everyone else in line.


VERONICA VOICEOVER: Oh, Twenty-four Hundred, how quickly you're moving up in the world. Not a bad deal: drive into a parking lot in your crap car, leave in a stretch limo, and be chauffeured to a mansion. So the front window's all curtained. How best to get a view of the back? I need faces.


JAKE: Gory? You got that disc with you?
GORY: Of course.
JAKE: Let me show you my office. Take that off your hands.
GORY: That'd be great. I feel like Gollum carrying this thing around.
JAKE: I don't know what that means. I like the look of the pledges. You did well, Gorya.
GORY: You're not gonna believe some of the confessions we got this year.
JAKE: Well, they get worse. Every year. I noticed that we're, uh, down a pledge.
GORY: Uh, I washed him. I caught him sneaking in a camera. Check it out. There's the lens. Click it, it takes a picture.
JAKE: New age, isn't it? It looks like we're done here. This your only copy?
GORY: Of course.
JAKE: I wasn't built to live in the subdivision. Let's go back to the induction.

Later, day.

KEITH: Nothing else was taken? Just the hard drive?
JAKE: Which happens to be the most valuable item in the house.
KEITH: What was on it?
JAKE: It's five years of programming that will revolutionise the industry.
KEITH: It's always something, huh? I’m surprised you don't have a massive security system, Jake.
WIEDMAN: It's coming. Keith.
JAKE: Well, we've only been here for a month.
WIEDMAN: Could have been household staff. No forced entry.
KEITH: You mind? This could be the entry point.
WIEDMAN: Looking at a tiny thief.


KEITH: Mr. Harvey, Sheriff Keith Mars. I’m investigating a break-in at the Kanes' house next door. I happened to notice you had cameras mounted in your backyard.
WALT: Come in. The security cameras are all hooked up to a DVR. We're looking at the backyard view in real time. But if you hit rewind, you can go back up to three days. There. That was something. Is that a girl?
KEITH: Mr. Harvey, you mind if I take the DVR for evidence?


KEITH: Excuse me. Deputy Gills.
GILLS: In the flesh. Check out the new digs, Keith. This is what I do since you fired me.
KEITH: There was a break-in at the Kanes' last night. I need to see a list of the plates of any strange cars that came in here.
GILLS: Sure thing. Let me check. What do you know? Nothin'. Quiet night here at Pemberton Estates. Good luck on the case, though. Hey, best of luck in the election.


MAC: Let me explain something, Veronica. I own the most powerful personal computer on campus. There is no personal computer faster or better than mine at Hearst. And using this incredible computer of mine, it will take twenty years to crack Jake Kane's password on this hard drive.
VERONICA: So how do we do it?
MAC: You're like Kirk in Wrath of Khan. You refuse to believe in the no-win scenario.
VERONICA: You're like one of the nerds from Revenge of the Nerds with your Star Trek references.
MAC: There is a computer on campus that might be able to crack it.



WIEDMAN: I need to ask you about a license-plate number.


MAC: Hello, lover.
WEEVIL: Guess that's what you're looking for.
MAC: Here we go.


WIEDMAN: Mr. Harvey. Mind if I talk to you about the sheriff's visit earlier?


KEITH: What do you know about the break-in at the Kane mansion?
VERONICA: What happened to my room?
KEITH: Did you steal five years of Kane software product development?
VERONICA: No. That's a crazy question. Did you tear apart my room?
KEITH: Yes. And I found this. Notice the rip? I found a blue thread on a loose screw of the Kane doggie door. Takes someone awfully small to break in through a doggie door.
VERONICA: There are a lot of blue sweaters in the world.
KEITH: Spoken like a public defender, Veronica. If there is something going on with you, if you're in trouble, now is the time to tell me.
VERONICA VOICEOVER: I could tell you, but you'd never look at me the same.
VERONICA: I’m spending the night at Mac's.


JAKE: Veronica Mars? Veronica Mars?
WIEDMAN: Easy, Jake.
JAKE: You find her, you get that hard drive, and you arrange for it that I never see that girl again in this lifetime!
WIEDMAN: You sure that's our best option?


KEITH: I want to return the sheriff's department to a place where everyone, regardless of zip code, gets a fair shake.
JILL: Your opponent says he wants to be sheriff because he always wanted to wear a badge.
KEITH: I’m excited about that, as well.
JAKE: Where is he! It was your daughter, Keith! Veronica's the one that broke into my house and stole my hard drive! I believe you already know the county prosecutor.
KEITH: And what makes you think-
WIEDMAN: Veronica's plates were registered at the guard gate. Her in and out times match the time of the robbery. She's small enough. Plus, Mr. Kane's neighbour says his video footage revealed a blond girl running through his yard.
REDDING: I’m gonna need that DVR, Keith. I need it now.
KEITH: I'll happily turn it over as soon as you bring me a judge's order.
REDDING: You know what this looks like, Keith?
KEITH: Like I don't kowtow to the rich and powerful?
REDDING: No. Not that. We'll be back. Soon.


VERONICA: I'll talk to you in an hour when I can make all this go away.
MAC: Couple hours at least.
VERONICA: We don't have two hours. There's a class scheduled in here at nine a.m.


VERONICA: [on voicemail] This is Veronica. Leave me a message.
KEITH: Honey. Things have really hit the fan down here. I’m pretty desperate to talk to you. I’m waiting on your call.


MAC: Veronica! Eureka!
VERONICA: The names. Hundreds of them. This is more than one pledge class.
MAC: Look, this guy's class of '39? Think we may have overshot.
VERONICA: No. This is a beautiful thing.


REDDING: Judge's orders.
KEITH: See? That wasn't hard. Leo, you mind pulling the DVR from the evidence room and handing it over to the county prosecutor?


VERONICA: Confessions from every member of the Castle since its inception. Twenty years of transcriptions. And we have thirty years of audio, and thirty years of video.
MAC: Why do they do it?
VERONICA: No one spills the Castle's secrets because they know what they risk.
MAC: Most of them aren't guilty of putting that video of you out there.
VERONICA: But this guy is. Gorya Sorokin.
GORY: [on video] So...we figured we'd go up to the mountain cabin, get loaded, and take the boat out. Parents didn't need to know. So we're getting high up on the balcony. And I hear a car pull up, and I hide, but I got a good angle. And I see my dad and Uncle Lev get out of a car. They open the trunk and pull a couple bodies out. They-they are bloody as hell. And so they drag the bodies into the workshop. And the next thing, I hear the power saw going. I always wondered why my dad put a woodshop up in the cabin. So the next thing you know, he and Uncle Lev are taking a couple hefty bags down to the boat-
VERONICA: Maybe I’ll let Gory Sorokin keep his secrets.


VERONICA: Hey, Nish. I’ve got a present for you.
NISH: You're transferring?
VERONICA: A list. The names of every member of the Castle. All men. You think this will help with that lawsuit?
NISH: Oh, my God. Politicians. Tycoons. Celebrities. This is gold. You're gonna make some very powerful men very unhappy.
VERONICA: Won't be the first time.


VERONICA: You need to walk away.
LOGAN: Just...I need to apologise.
VERONICA: Great. Apology accepted. Now go. I’m meeting Piz, who, by the way, is the one you should be apologising to.
LOGAN: I am sorry, Veronica. I thought...well, you know what I thought.
GORY: I was hoping I'd see you. I didn't want to carry that around forever. You left it behind in my room. You know what? I’m glad we caught you on hidden camera. And I’m glad it's such a popular email attachment, because you're a real bitch. You know what you should do with your sudden popularity? Just lay back and enjoy it.
VERONICA: Logan, don't. He's connected. Connected connected.
LOGAN: Oh. Yeah, I was wondering. Didn't seem like you to shrug it off. Hey, so listen. Again...I apologise. I can be pretty dumb sometimes.
VERONICA: It's a nice gesture, but it's gonna take some time this time.
LOGAN: Want to hear your friend apologise?
VERONICA: I’m not interested in his apology. But I would like my pen back.
GORY: Whoever you are, you're gonna die.
LOGAN: Yeah, some day. Ah, Piz. Just who I was looking for. Listen, man. I am truly sorry...for everything.


VERONICA: So are you like the butler now or...I’m just saying. Answering the door kind of smells of being demoted.
WIEDMAN: I like to deal with the miscreants personally.
VERONICA: Yes, you do.
WIEDMAN: Look who dropped by.
JAKE: Veronica. Would you care for something? Lemonade, mineral water?
VERONICA: I came by to bring this back.
JAKE: Hmm. Would you wait right there? I’m gonna call the sheriff myself, have him come arrest you.
VERONICA: Go ahead. I'll wait. But the moment that happens, everything on this drive goes public.
JAKE: There's no way you can know what's on that drive. Not in a-not in a day.
VERONICA: Gabe Huntley. Class of '74. Ran over someone one night in Tijuana. Gerald Cummings. Election fraud. Then there's that steamy boarding-school incident of yours. And we leave my dad out of it.
JAKE: I’m afraid it's a little too late for that, Veronica. Clarence will see you out.


KEITH: Good. You're home. Prepare for gumbo. How do I find the time to make gumbo, you ask? I make time.
VERONICA: You know I love you, right? More than anything.
KEITH: Of course, honey. I never doubted. Eat.

[Later, day.]

LYRICS: Got on board a westbound 747
Didn't think before deciding what to do
All that talk of opportunities
TV breaks and movies
Rang true
Sure rang true
Seems it never rains in Southern California
Seems I’ve often heard that kind of talk before
It never rains in California