08x23 - Swan Song

[bunniefuu]

(Hugh Laurie) The ancient greeks believed that swans only sang once at the point of their death-- one beautiful last lament.

Well, this is my last swanlike lament.

(Choral music playing)

(Man)

Okay.

(Engine revving)

(Indistinct conversation)

I got the cake!

I got the cake!

This is what we do.

(Hugh)

You feed anything between and people out of this truck.

Yes.

We all work together and we take care of each other.

People already believe that everyone in show business lives on lobster and champagne.

Oh, really?

Yeah.

And that's a fact.

It's not-- it's not glamorous.

It isn't, though, is it?

(Camera shutters clicking)

This is a celebration, and you can't have a celebration without a cake.

[Massive att*ck's Teardrop]

I'm not saying "House M.D." is the king of TV shows...

Wait a minute, actually I am saying that.

But more importantly, if "House" is the king, then the people who make "House" are Princes.

Oh, there's a man with a camera out there.

That's-- Ha ha, scared him off.

(Hugh)

Outstanding moments in your memory of working on this show?

Do you have any?

Any challenging, uh, artists filling your chair who you wanted to strangle but didn't?

Fond memories?

Uh, Hugh Laurie.

Oh, stop.

For the last eight years, an incredible journey for me and for a lot of other people, too. So, Ms. Morrison.

Yes, Mr. Laurie.

It does, doesn't it?

Yes, very.

Uh, I think we waxed the floors since you were last here.

Oh, wow.

You have couches?!

I leave, and you get couches?

Just that moment.

(Laughs)

There are some minuses, too.

Your lovely arrow-cut white coat does not hang over the back (Laughs)

of those chairs as nicely.

"Gadolinium." Oh, yeah.

Do you remember that?

Pilot, walking down underneath this thing.

I knew she was allergic to gadolinium.

Figured it was an easy way to get someone to cut a hole in her throat.

I do remember saying "gadolinium." Gadolinium.

I'm sure I looked it up.

I found on my own...

You did.

We didn't have cards for all the diseases!

You shamed-- you shamed us all.

Lupus, gout, glaucoma, osteoarthritis, hypertension, diabetes-- stop me anytime.

The heart could point to sarcoidosis.

(Clears throat)

I'll start the ribavirin.

It's great to have the old team back together again, huh?

(Hugh)

Well, I know Omar got very panicky at one time about-- he was convinced that he had everything.

"This is a thing you can get?

People get this?" It's not S.S.P.E.

I checked your past vaccinations against Joe's.

No past matches.

I might not come back.

I've never done a will.

I'll call a lawyer for you.

I want you to be my medical proxy.

I need to know that we're okay.

We're all missing each other.

I did at one point sort of calculate, around season that we'd done scenes in the outer office.

That's a hell of a thing.

That's a hell of a thing.

It is a hell of a thing.

(Sighs)

Yeah, you were very missed.

(Hugh)

What is the white bucket you're carrying?

What does it signify?

Uh, white bucket is our $ Friday bucket.

And what we do is all the crew members who want to indulge put their names on a $ bill, tuck it into the bucket here, and we have a winner for $ Friday.

House is a guy who has emotions, has feelings, cares about-- amazingly good at reading people.

Right.

We had this role of House, which sort of every role sort of revolved around and had so much interaction with this character, that we had to really get that character perfectly, or the series would not have worked.

We read so many people for this part.

When auditioning, I can remember thinking I feel as if I know who this guy is, the character of House, but I also feel like I know who this guy David Shore is-- the mind behind the mind, as it were.

I have tenure.

Aren't you gonna grab my cane, stop me from leaving?

(Bryan Singer)

Hugh Laurie went on tape, and I watched it.

He had the right kind of voice.

And he had a good razor stubble going.

And I thought, this-- this guy feels like House.

And thank goodness he's an American, so he can pronounce all this-- all this tough medical jargon.

Thyrotoxic periodic paralysis?

I have no idea what that is.

Leukoencephalopathy?

You stop.

If I knew what was wrong, I would tell you.

(Woman)

Rolling, rolling!

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

♪ oh, baby ♪ ♪ ah ♪

♪ ooh ♪

♪ oh, ah, this world... ♪

(House)

Everybody lies.

♪ Is goin' up in flames ♪

If lying to a patient would save their life, would you do it?

No.

That's a lie.

Everyone lies, but there's an exception to every rule.

Actually, there isn't.

Kinda what makes it a rule.

"Interior.

I.C.U.--Day.

"He's revived, alive, but very weak.

Stacy's beside herself with worry." If this were any other patient, what would you tell them to do?

I would say it's their choice.

Not a chance.

You'd browbeat them until they made the choice you knew was right.

We've got to let 'em cut the leg off.

It's my leg.

It's my life.

(Hugh)

How many canes have we lost, do you think?

Lost or broken?

I would say probably just slightly less than .

Well, first of all, he was not always walking around with a cane.

In fact, we pictured him in a wheelchair.

But a wheelchair is not the best idea, because of the obvious limitations.

So then we briefly considered a scar...

and then a cane.

Knowing that it was a cane and knowing that I wanted someone who could walk down those halls and hold the center, you know, height became important, and physicality became important.

The truth is he's hiding, because he's handicapped.

That was where it all sort of started from.

(Wilson)

What's the point of putting together a team if you're not gonna use them?

You've got three overqualified doctors working for you, getting bored.

I don't need a team.

You were bouncing ideas off a janitor.

Come on.

Gotta earn that fiver.

The thing that I find interesting about House as a character is his, uh, distance and his apathy and his, um, removal from any kind of, uh, connection.

House, you play a guitar you got in ninth grade.

Eighth.

You're living in the same apartment for years.

You drive a -year-old car.

You are not good with change.

That used to be true, but I changed.

You're fired.

What, because I-- I yelled at you?

It's time for a change.

(Jesse)

As an audience member, we know these characters and to see them placed in their individual situations and their--their quirks and, uh, you know, their personalities come through.

Have you even interviewed anybody?

You test-drive a car before you buy it.

You have sex before you get married.

I can't hire a team based on a -minute interview.

What if I don't like having sex with 'em?

(Plays guitar)

I love it.

I think--I enjoy the humor of our writers.

I mean, they are so clever.

And just what we get away with sometimes-- it's hilarious.

Every ship has its engine room. Every restaurant has its kitchen. And every TV show has people-- I don't know what they do. What do you do in here?

I make the trains run on time.

Every rule gets followed.

Yeah, they're apparent.

Every rule is followed.

You have to, um, you know, be inventive to make it work.

Like, when we did the Coast Guard rescue at sea...

Unbelievable.

One of our people thought that we had to bring in a real helicopter over the t*nk in Pacoima, but that was a process.

It's getting-- You're spoiling the magic, Marcy.

(Knocks on door)

That's more invoices than I've even seen in my life, never mind gone through for a single show.

(Knocking)

It says "production designer." What it means is, uh, genius.

Behind sets like these are people like them. What do you think was your biggest, uh, the biggest challenge?

Mayfield was probably the most fun, I think.

You sort of built a wing of a hospital.

Yeah.

Right.

We did a whole world.

We did the exterior.

We did the interior.

That was fun.

Yeah.

"'Broken'--scene .

"Interior.

E.R.

waiting room--night.

"Start on House as he sits in a chair alone "staring into space, "holding Freedom Master's blood-speckled jacket.

Offscreen..." (Nolan)

He's lucky to be alive.

You don't care about anything, House.

I'm transferring you to Winslow Psychiatric.

You'll have better luck pulling the wool over their eyes.

I'm done.

Don't.

I need help.

We're all worried my hero, House, is, you know, in trouble, and he's going to a psychiatric hospital.

And you should also welcome Greg to the floor.

Don't worry about the name.

Just passing through.

(Hugh)

I love "Broken." I think it gave the whole-- not just the season, but the whole six years-- it gave that a sort of shape and a meaning and, uh, a kind of truth.

I-I, uh, yes.

Yeah, a kind of truth.

Don't want to break any hearts.

Can we go outside?

(Man)

We built an entire mental facility.

(Man)

Okay.

He's the claustrophobic one, right?

We constructed a sl*ve ship.

As the show got more successful, it seemed like we built a lot more.

We provided work for really thousands of people in the seven years that I've been here.

It's made a lot of people very happy.

(Violin playing)

And, lo, the sets were good. This is Jesse's last time he ever wears this.

It is the last time I ever wear it.

Look.

(Woman)

Yeah, this is-- that's me when I was--yeah.

Jesse was , and now he's .

You look great, Peter.

Don't let the fans tell you you don't.

The difference is that I actually look like a doctor.

(Peter)

Now whose blood is it, really?

(Jesse)

O, a-negative...

(Man)

It's mostly food coloring...

And positive.

And, uh, corn syrup.

(Chase)

How long do you think you'll work for House?

As long as he lets me.

(Man)

All our instruments are basically real, but as you can see, we have tons and tons of...

Ay-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi-yi.

Ay-yi-yi.

That come out.

Look at it.

God, it's endless.

(Man)

And cut.

Great, Peter.

You happy?

(Peter)

Yep.

Oh, good.

(Man)

All right, cutting.

I'm gonna miss surgery and Jeffrey...

This is your last surgery.

This is my last surgery.

(Foreman)

Slow the heart down so it doesn't--

(Chase)

Damn.

Clamp.

The leak is too fast.

No, it's not.

We can fix this.

(Monitor beeping)

(Sustained tone)

It worked.

(Heart b*ating)

Omar, in my opinion, on the show he has taken the worst...

(Jesse)

Yes, he has taken it the worst.

Having the exploding colon...

Why is that?

(Peter)

I remember that.

Because he's such a tense character.

(Man)

Maybe a little more pressure.

Not too much.

If it is the end and we--

(man)

Yeah, let's do the high five.

(Imitates whip cr*ck)

Well, you're wrong, and-- either you're right, and your friend is...

(Man)

We record it on the day.

We know right away it's going to A.D.R.

He sees it.

He sees it.

He sees it.

We hope that Peter gets it.

He sees it.

He sees it!

Did you get anything there that'll work?

(Man)

I think one and two...

One and two work.

May be the lone wolf on set.

He gets left out.

So we invite him in here as much as possible so he feels at home.

I've always been surprised at just how smoothly and respectfully you guys all work together.

It's pretty unbelievable.

It really is amazing.

'Cause the actors hate each other.

Say the line.

Say the line.

You know, to be honest, it's kind of nice walking into a hair and makeup trailer and knowing that you're gonna get made up, and you don't have to do a thing.

You just sit in that chair, relax, and let Marianna do her work.

They're so great.

(Odette)

Talk about Charlyne.

Charlyne's the troublemaker of the trailer.

Yes.

The girls are in here.

It's very calm.

It's a calm environment until the guys get in here, and then all of 'em come in at once, and then it's sort of nuts.

I'd like to be able to just sit back and do sudoku and be as quiet as Omar, but I-it's just not in my nature.

And I'm gonna miss, you know, Jesse and, uh, Jesse was always really willing to--to kibbutz along with me.

Do you know how to--do you know what "kibbutzing" means?

Yes.

Yeah.

I like to kibbutz in the makeup trailer.

(Odette)

Everybody gets along very well.

It's very much like a family.

I mean, after all, we are spending more time with our crew and our cast and everybody in production more than our families.

So it's a good thing we get along.

You hang out a--much longer than you need to be in here for.

I mean, you-- you actually like us.

(Charlyne)

It's 'cause I'm lonely.

It's 'cause I'm sad and lonely.

Oh, yeah, there's that.

First thing we're gonna sh**t is with our real actors, with Charlyne for sure.

Then the stunt people will take over.

(Man)

Three, two, one, action.

Effects is hot.

Here we go.

Action.

It was, like, not a big deal, right?

Yeah, it was totally not a big deal.

Like, whatever.

It was totally fine.

I have five days left.

Five days, dude.

♪ Five, six, seven, eight ♪

Well, enough with the pampering.

Making me look good takes real work.

(Hugh)

And what you have to do to me is a trifle compared to these guys.

Whoa!

Stabbed, sh*t, electrocuted...

Dr. House!

Poisoned, overdosed, cardiac arrest, leg surgery--self-administered.

I d*ed for a while.

Oh, my God, his blood pressure is dropping.

(Flatline tone)

Sometimes they just don't make it.

It may look relaxed, but these fellows have been working since about : in the morning, and they have power tools.

All set.

(Hugh)

"Come Fly 'House'" wasn't it?

Tell me what that sign means.

This means it's acting time.

(Man)

And...

action.

'Cause the only cage I see is right there.

(Hugh)

Thoughts, Gary?

Three days to go.

A look back, poignant memories?

I look forward to three really, uh, busy days...

Yeah.

And a quality final episode and a handshake and a hug and a good-bye and a "good luck."

This is how we control the crowds.

They can either read the words, or you can hit them with it.

♪

(Man) $ Friday folks, step on up and tuck a buck.

It could be your lucky day, brother!

I think next, we can-- we'll do this section first.

Even before the director starts placing the sh*ts or whatever, the crew's already out.

♪ Go on, sugar ♪

♪ and move on down the road ♪

(Hugh)

What do your friends think you do during the day?

Do you tell 'em you work on something else?

We spend a lot of time here, and we like to have fun, so...

Yeah, we have a lot of fun on the set.

All right, so, ladies and gentlemen, our final $ Friday on "House." $ , .

I want to thank everybody for participating.

God, the pressure.

Ron-- Ron, Drew, and Christine!

(Cheers and applause)

Ron, Drew, and Christine!

Heck, yeah!

Thank you very much, everybody!

Bravo.

I love you all!

♪ House as a character is a strong cup of coffee. Every now and then, he comes under att*ck. You are Hugh Laurie.

I am.

You portray the character Dr.

Gregory House.

I do/did.

You're English.

I am English, yes.

I'm a citizen of the United Kingdom, a subject of her majesty Queen Elizabeth II.

Hey.

We're wondering if you can clarify a few things about this character, about his personality, about his methods.

I'll do my best.

I can give you some examples.

I'd like to hear them from your mouth, yes.

Frankly, sometimes he just seems like he's being mean.

What are you looking at?

Apparently a moron.

You're a moron.

Uh...

(Chuckles)

Chicago has a great program, and you're a dumb-ass.

Was there a point to that, do you think?

Well...

Yes.

Sorry.

Stuck a thermometer up Detective Tritter's rear end.

Anus.

Oh!

And his hiring practices are not much more than an opportunity to mock.

Good.

Then can we do a Secret Santa?

I liked you better seconds ago when you were afraid for your job.

If people find these working conditions intolerable, they're free to leave.

They can submit their notice, and occasionally some of them do.

I didn't fail.

You fired me.

Repeatedly.

But if you walk away now, after I just rehired you, that's quitting.

(Hugh)

I love the world of "House." It can go from the broadly comic to the angry satire to the sort of gut-wrenching tragedy to a horror movie, um, in the space of seconds.

(Helicopter whirring)

Can anybody hear me?

"Interior.

The hole-- night.

"Cuddy, field amputation kit at her side, "is talking to intransigent Hanna.

"Her angiocath has been removed.

"Hanna.

'No.

Dr.

House promised.' Cuddy.

'If there was...'" If there was any other way...

It doesn't hurt right now.

I can wait.

(Man)

It was an enormously tight space.

There was about inches of actual set.

So if you're in there, you have to crawl around on your belly.

You have to act in the actual space.

It's not made any bigger for camera.

We really wanted to be inside Hugh's head.

This shallow depth of field-- it's quite stunning.

The focus was unbelievably difficult for our assistant cameraman.

Sometimes we're dealing with literally focus, you know, of half an inch.

Literally, if you just breathe with the camera, you're soft in your sh*t.

You're soft.

(Man)

We took that camera and put it where it had never been before.

What we sh*t...

Right.

Yeah.

In a whole show forced us to really think out of the box.

(Man)

And I was uncharacteristically emotional when we were sh**ting, because the scene itself is heartbreaking, and the characters devastated me in that scene.

I always thought if I did the right thing, if I treated people right, then good things would happen to me.

You think that's how it works?

I think it used to.

Now I don't know.

I love the week-to-week of the show, but I really want to know what this guy is about.

I want to know Lisa Cuddy better.

I want to know who these people are, and I want to know what they're like in situations when they're taken outside their everyday environment.

(Breathing heavily)

What?

It's not a clot.

It's a fat embolism from the amputation.

What can we do?

Do something.

Please.

Please, do something.

Please, come on, do something!

(Foreman)

This wasn't your fault.

That's the point!

I did everything right.

She d*ed anyway.

Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?

You think I can fix myself?

I don't know.

'Cause I'm the most screwed-up person in the world.

I know.

I love you.

(Hugh)

I think this is the unending challenge of trying to love someone like House.

You may not think him worth loving.

I personally do.

I do love him and think him worth loving.

(House)

Figure out a way to resolve our differences.

There already is a mechanism for that.

(Laughing)

You're laughing.

Stop.

(Lisa)

The House/Cuddy relationship I've always thought had layers to it.

I think in the pilot it's clear that it has a history.

It's : .

I'm going home.

To what?

Nice.

Trying to convince an insane person not to do insane things is in itself insane.

You can't stop our love!

(Robert)

The fun is in watching them, uh, struggle.

- No!

The fun is watching them struggle not getting together or maybe getting together or thinking about getting together.

Actually being together might not be much fun.

People who get close to you get hurt.

That's a fact.

I slept with Cuddy.

This is fantastic.

How are you gonna screw it up?

I feel hurt.

It didn't really necessarily get explored for a long time, but to me, it was always there.

(Woman)

You drove your car into your ex-girlfriend's house and then fled the country for three months.

(Man)

Are you sorry about what you did?

(House)

Yes.

We need you to show us remorse.

Is that how our system works?

Release the best actors?

Everyone has a very specific and personal experience with House.

Pull my ribbon, if you know what I mean.

That's not what I meant.

House.

"'House's Head.' Scene .

"Interior.

Bus.

Driving-- night.

"Inside House's mind.

"Woman in black.

'House?' "the woman in black is there once again, "but this time, her black pants are now blue, "her black shirt and jacket are now tan, and her black scarf is now red." Why are you here?

There must be a reason?

You have something to tell me.

Yes.

Who am I?

Why the guessing game?

Because you don't know the answer.

What's my necklace made of?

You know the clues.

Who am I?

Amber?

On the one hand, we had a practical bus, but when it was a flashback or an hallucination, then it was surreal.

And then suddenly, it becomes real at the very end.

(Man)

Removing the safety clamps!

Everything in the production needed to be coordinated.

(Man)

We rehearsed this stunt, you know, in its entirety, from flipping this gimbal rig all the way over.

And then once we've eliminated all the variables and know where people are gonna land basically and what they're gonna need as far as safety goes, I put all the elements together, and then we turned it over with everybody.

In the very ultimate thing with Amber, we had background that was sh*t practically.

We added a C.G. dump truck to the background.

We also had our special effects people throwing rubber glass through the window.

Through the use of physical models and things that are created entirely in the computer, he was able to create that world.

(Elan)

We had fans going, lots and lots of bits and pieces.

(Olivia)

There's that moment where Amber-- It's the point of impact when the bus was hit, and her body going forward-- I thought that was extraordinary.

♪ ♪ Good thing I brought my a* cane.

I'm David Shore, and I've done episodes.

Robert Sean Leonard.

I play Wilson, and, uh, it's been episodes.

House.

episodes.

(Laughter)

Uh, Omar Epps, Foreman pilot.

(Laughter and applause)

Um, episodes?

(Laughter)

I think I'm, like, .

episodes.

(David S.)

We start the final episode on House's face, completely passed out on the floor.

And as we go to frame, we end the series.

(Hugh)

I know I was grumpy today.

I was just trying to hold it together, because that was a very, very emotional moment.

We'd come right to the end.

Downtown somewhere in L.A.

I have no clue where I'm at.

These are the last days.

♪ There are so many different layers to the show.

There's sound.

There's the acting.

There's the directing.

There's the writing.

There's the casting.

There's the wardrobe.

There's the makeup.

There's the special effects, so many different components working towards a common theme in every frame of the show.

I am wearing pants with dogs on them, and the reason for that is I'm sick.

I have the flu.

I arrived here at : p.m., which is my call.

I think we're sh**ting till : a.m.

I've gotta work with Omar, which always makes me slightly sleepy, just his acting style.

(Growling)

We go to w*r, baby.

Our department's interfaced with the public.

We do so much prep work and so much groundwork everything's on a deadline.

It's a lot of fun.

different departments on time, ready to go, with every single piece of equipment.

They're like the marines.

They're the first ones in.

So you guys like when we wrap early.

Oh, yeah.

(Omar)

That's what it's all about.

If you want to know people well, you should see them at : in the morning You'll either like them more or less. With these people, it's definitely more.

(Man)

Cut!

(Indistinct conversation)

I only want to say as we go into the last show that we will ever make, that none of us really get a chance to look each other in the eye and say "that was an incredible thing that you did." That there was a set that was drawn on a Monday, built on a Tuesday, and acted on on a Wednesday is just mind-bending.

This show belongs to all of us, and it's something I'm extraordinarily proud of.

Three, two, one!

(Cheering)

♪ So this is it. Here's to the last day.

years and shows.

It's almost million man-hours, or if you prefer, .

years. , miles of film.

Just more mile to go.

(Multiple voices)

Rolling!

(Man)

And action.

I think it's because all of me believes that Foreman is a sucker for an emotional plea.

Cut.

(Exhales)

(Man)

Good.

All right, that's a wrap, guys!

(Cheering)

(Man)

Mr. Hugh Laurie!

(Cheering)

Mr. Hugh Laurie.

Morning, Hugh.

And they're all being very polite to me, because I've laid on a plane for our very last trip.

It was either that or nine hours in a van, and I thought, well, if anybody's deserved it, they have.

That's the international sign of someone going up in a helicopter.

(Robert)

So proud of myself I forget the next thing.

You tell 'em they're not losing their boyish good looks or becoming worn out.

I, uh, okay.

(Muttering)

Your husband continues to decline.

I'm sorry.

(Man laughs)

Did you just give me the nod to do that?

(Laughing)

I cannot abide that.

Oy, can I do that again?

I'm so sorry.

♪ And we rest in this sleepless stall ♪

♪ until the morning shows light on it all ♪

(Man)

All right, one more time, here we go.

(Woman)

Going again.

(Laughing)

(Man)

You're so cute.

(Man)

I'm sorry.

Cut.

(Hugh)

We started in this room...

(Woman)

July ...

July , .

.

(Hugh)

God sake.

(Cathy)

Our very first fitting on the TV show "House." Wow.

I look just like my son.

I know, right?

Well, you're not supposed to go for that so quickly, Cathy.

You're gonna ruin it.

(Laughs)

Our very first fitting.

And, uh, this is our very last fitting for "House."

It says it all.

Ira Hurvitz-- I've called him out many times.

I've actually seen him asleep.

I've actually caught him falling asleep.

I'm just gonna draw out three at random.

(Laughter)

And everyone else can just lump it.

I'd like to thank the script supervisor Ira Hurvitz.

(Cheering)

There are so many good people working on this show.

I have to watch the continuity to make sure, since we're sh**ting out of order, we don't forget any details.

I mean, I can so heavily rely on the makeup and hair people.

(Laughing)

I doubt it.

You're welcome.

Um, where were you this morning when I woke up?

Here getting ready for the "House" big wrap party.

(Group singing in Spanish)

Yes, indeed, this is a big wrap party.

Of course, we have a wrap party at the end of every season, but this is the end of everything--eight years.

Almost , people have worked on this show.

There's a lot of stories to be told, a lot of tears to be shed, a lot of songs to be sung.

♪ The night ♪

♪ and the Tennessee waltz ♪

That, by the way, is not a prop Martini.

♪ The Tennessee waltz ♪

(Cheers and applause)

(Man)

Good night.

♪ Some people call me a junker ♪

♪ 'cause I'm loaded all the time ♪

Did you just take a pill?

No.

♪ I just feel happy ♪

♪ and I feel good all the time ♪

I have been watching it from the beginning.

I've heard from a lot of people, and I've had this experience myself where we'll wear a "House" hat or a "House" T-shirt, and people really do come up to us and say, "do you work on 'House'?"

It's nice.

And Jamie takes advantage of that.

I'm not saying I take advantage of that.

And she gets free stuff.

Please don't air that on national TV.

I just want to thank "House" for having me out and inspiring me in making one of the biggest decisions in my life, that I want to continue to med school and be a doctor.

Rita from Battle Creek, Michigan, wants to know why millions of people around the world...

Around the world.

Are invested in the character of Gregory house.

I think it's because of your blue eyes.

Right.

I think that's it.

That's pretty much what I was saying, but more condensed.

♪ Dr.

House, if you're gonna save this patient, you'll need this.

Get this thing out of my sight!

Can you help me?

Well, let's see now.

(Laughter)

(Gasps)

The genitals seem healthy.

You are a woman, right?

(Laughter)

(Whispering)

I'm hosting the Emmys.

Oh.

What a feather in your cap.

Mr. Laurie, I'm proud to present you the--

with the Golden Camera Award.

All artists must travel a lot.

(Bleep)

It's made me think.

It's made me laugh a lot.

It's made me cry.

Thank you, "House." Thank you for eight great seasons.

Thank you.

Thank you.

I know I am never, ever going to forget it.

♪ (Playing piano)

"I left Holmes seated in front of the smoldering fire.

"And long into the watches of the night "I heard the low, melancholy wailings of his violin "and knew that he was still pondering over the strange problem which he had set himself to unravel."

Call radiology.

I want to see the music.

Am I right in saying Conan Doyle based Sherlock Holmes on a doctor.

I don't want to say you based House on the doctor, but the similarities are...

Yeah, a little-- inspired.

There are parallels, and because of those parallels, there was a wink of the eye, but it was never intended to be a modern-day Holmes, a doctor who fundamentally isn't interested in saving lives...

(g*nsh*t)

But is interested in the puzzle.

There's also the implication, though, in the art of the puzzle, that the person who thrives on puzzle-solving must be less empathetic, less, uh, emotional.

What were you doing up in Middletown?

You know what's more interesting than what I was doing is the reason you are so obsessed with what I was doing.

House and Wilson, Holmes and Watson-- the names are a clear homage.

Robert does carry a sort of Watson-Ian solid citizen...

Yeah.

Aura about him.

I love House and Wilson's relationship, because there's a sense of mutual respect and honestly

(Grunts)

(Winces)

I always feel like Hugh has a twinkle in his eye that you only see when he's talking to-- to Wilson.

Well, what would you do?

You know the show's finished. Never gonna use these sets again.

And at : tomorrow morning, large men with chain saws are coming in.

Well, obviously, there's only one thing to do.

♪

(Groans)

(Hugh)

It was a fun night, though.

It's strange to think, isn't it?

Eight years that we have been walking--

(paintball g*n fires)

Now that's very satisfying.

Yeah.

(Paintball g*n f*ring)

(Laughs)

(Paintball g*n f*ring on a*t*matic fire)

What the...

I did not know you had that capability.

I dare you to sh**t your own foot.

No, I'm not going to, because I actually did this once, and it hurts.

I'm gonna sh**t my own foot.

Go ahead.

Oh!

F...

(Laughs)

Oddly enough, that does sting-- that does sting a little bit.

Yeah, that'll-- you'll feel that.

Oh!

(Laughs)

Yeah.

I-I didn't want to warn you, 'cause, like, I enjoy--I knew I would enjoy you in pain.

So I didn't want to warn you too strongly, but it does hurt.

But the things I am prepared to do to entertain the general public.

It really is pathetic.

Should we end this?

Yeah, let's end it.

We just end it now.

♪ You've got to win a little ♪

♪ lose a little ♪

♪ yes, and always have the blues a little ♪

♪ that's the story of ♪

♪ that's the glory of love... ♪

There obviously is no show without the fans, and more fundamentally, there's no point to the show without the fans.

This is the exact spot where I stood, sat, paced nervously before my very first audition for the role of House back in . Since then, it's been an incredible journey, an unforgettable part of my life, an unforgettable part of many people's lives-- these people.

♪ As long as there's just the two of us ♪

♪ oh, we've got the world and its charms ♪

♪ and when the world is through with us ♪

♪ we've got each other's arms ♪

♪ you've got to ♪

♪ win a little ♪

♪ lose a little ♪

♪ yes, and always have the blues a little ♪

♪ that's the story of ♪

♪ that's the glory of love ♪

♪ oh ♪

♪ that's the story of ♪

♪ that's the glory ♪

♪ of love ♪