So here's what happened last week Kurt found a video of Sue, and the Glee Club posted it online.
You, my friend, are an embarrassment.
And then somebody made a "Glist" of who in the Glee Club was the naughtiest.
So Rachel tried to seem like a bad girl by doing a video with Finn, Puck and Jesse but it just hurt their feelings, and the song was really bad Like maybe the worst song ever written.
Also, Sue spilled the beans that Will sucked face with Shelby Corcoran and that one time April Rhodes spent the night which totally hurt Emma's feelings.
- I'm through with you.
- And that's what you missed on Glee.
- [School Bell Rings]
- [Chattering]
[Whispering]
Who is that guy?
- [School Bell Rings]
- My mom found a mole on my head when she was washing my hair on Friday.
Your mom still washes your hair? She started crying about sunblock and how she's always telling me to wear a hat when I'm cleaning pools.
So, she made me go see Dr.Friedlander, the dermatologist.
He said he had to shave my head to get a closer look at it.
It was nothing.
They maimed me over a freaking freckle.
I feel like that guy that lost all his hair, then lost all his strength.
- Samson? - Agassi.
This morning, people had the balls to look me in the eye.
I mean, it's just a Mohawk, right? I'm still Puckasaurus.
Actually, I don't know if it's the missing Mohawk or the whining but I am totally not turned on by you right now.
[Clicks Pen]
You got a problem? Clearly, you're not a follower of my LarryHair account on Twitter.
We've been tweeting all day about your new look.
You're like a toddler with a loose lid on his Sippy Cup.
No more juice.
Get ready for payback, Puckerman.
[Clucks Tongue]
All right.
[Puck Thinking]
I'm human garbage.
I should just lie here until the truck comes and let it crush me to death.
What's the point of living when I suck so bad?
- [Rhythmic Clapping]
- ♪ [Girl Vocalizing]
Wait a second.
That black chick from Glee Club used to suck, and now she's all kinds of popular.
- ♪ A Cheerio ♪
- If she can straighten herself out, I certainly can.
But how? I'm not becoming a Cheerio.
Wait.
I don't need to be a cheerleader.
- I just need to date one.
- ♪Yeah, yeah ♪
Get ready, black girl from Glee Club whose name I can't remember right now.
The Puckster is about to make you his.
- Um Wait.
What are these?
- My vitamin supplements.
I'm taking them three times a day.
I'm exhausted.
I even felt a tickle in the back of my throat, and I never get sick.
I just don't understand why you're so tired all of a sudden.
Because every song I sing in here is a solo.
As you know, I have perfect pitch which also means I have a very sensitive ear.
None of them were singing.
I knew I needed proof, so I had a little talk with Lauren Zizes, president of the A.V.Club.
Bug the choir room? I'm almost offended by the simplicity of the request.
Just tell me you can do it, Zizes.
The microphones would have to be hidden.
Who is this guy? Who is this guy? It'll cost you two boxes of Mallomars for me, and Snicker bars for my workers.
Take it or leave it, Berry.
♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪
♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi Mi, mi, mi ♪
♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪
♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪
♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi Mi, mi, mi ♪
♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma Ma, ma, ma, ma ♪
♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma Ma, ma, ma, ma ♪
♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma ♪
♪ Ma, ma, ma, ma, ma Ma, ma, ma, ma ♪
[No Audio]
Here are the Glee Club members who are not pulling their weight.
- This is half the club.
- [School Bell Rings]
[Laughing]
Oh, man.
Hey, sugar.
Listen.
I got a proposition to make.
I did some research.
Blacks and Jews have a history of sticking up for each other.
And Wikipedia says that King Martin Luther loved theJews.
Okay, you just said, like, My point is, you're popular now.
And I got to be honest.
I need to spice up my image a little.
We should join forces.
It wouldn't take much.
Just a little light making out.
And I like a girl with curves.
You got to admit, I'm easy on the eyes.
Baby, I just am not attracted to you.
Plus, I know what you do to the girls you date.
You knock them up, and then you hang them out to dry.
Quinn and I weren't dating.
She was dating someone else.
We just did the nasty.
And she understood you can't tie me down.
I'm a sex shark.
If I stop moving, I die.
Okay, I'm going to ask you to stop, because I'm starting to get embarrassed for you.
You and me would not work out.
We have nothing in common.
You're top 40.
I'm rhythm and blues.
- [School Bell Rings]
- I am very disappointed in you guys.
- Can't believe you narked on us.
- Don't get mad at me for exposing your laziness.
I'm tired of carrying all of your weight.
- Regionals is in a month, guys.
- I'm just trying to understand what's going on here.
Finn, why did you stop singing? 'Cause you started giving all the male leads toJesse.
- Kind of shook my confidence, you know? - What difference does it make? Everyone knows that my job here is to look hot.
My baby hormones are making me moody.
There are so many lyrics.
Okay.
A chain is only as strong as its weakest link.
A Glee Club is about a myriad of voices coming together as one.
All right? This ends now which is why your assignment for the week is for each of you to come up with a song that best represents how you see yourself where you are in your lives right now your voice.
Then you're going to stand up here and sing your hearts out.
- All of you.
- Solos? In front of everyone? The Glee Club has lost its voice.
It's time for us to get it back.
- [School Bell Rings]
- I am going to k*ll this assignment.
If there's one thing that I know, it's my voice.
I have exactly the same vocal range as 16th century castrato Orlando di Lasso.
But you know what he didn't have? A song by Miss Whitney Houston in his back pocket.
- Hey, Kurt.
- Dad? What are you doing here? Is everything okay? No, I'm here to pick up Finn.
I got a pair of tickets to the Reds game and Carole said that Finn's never been to a Major League game.
I mean, it's Cincinnati, so it's barely the Major Leagues, but still.
- And why wasn't I invited? - Are you kidding me? Every time I sit down and watch a game, you start in on the fact that all the players are wearing stirrup pants.
Because there's never an excuse for stirrup pants.
- [Finn]
Okay, I'm ready.
- All right, I'll meet you by the car.
This is gonna be so great.
It's gonna be great for Finn.
It means a lot to his mom too.
Hey, I'll see you at home.
I'll be home around midnight.
[School Bell Rings]
Girl, you got more curves than a Nissan ad.
Seriously? That's what you came up with? All right, guys.
Let's get things started.
As I was first on the sign-up sheet, I'll kick things off.
- Okay.
- I have chosen Miley Cyrus's "The Climb" because it's about overcoming obstacles and b*ating the odds.
In my case, the obstacle is you my lackluster teammates who refuse to carry their own weight.
[Inhales]
♪♪ [Ballad]
[Quavering, Off-key Voice]
♪ I can almost see it ♪
♪ That dream I'm dreaming ♪
♪ But there's a voice inside my head saying ♪
♪ You'll never reach it ♪
♪ Every step I'm taking ♪
♪ Every move I make ♪
♪ Feels lost with no direction ♪
♪ My faith is shaking ♪
♪ But I ♪
♪ Gotta keep tryin' ♪
♪ Gotta keep my head held high ♪♪
Rachel I think you've lost your voice.
- [School Bell Rings]
- Hey, lady-face.
I noticed you weren't at Cheerios practice yesterday and I don't look kindly on absenteeism.
I'm so sorry, Miss Sylvester.
It won't happen again.
Something happened yesterday that really upset me.
It's my dad.
He's the most important thing in the world to me.
I love him, and I'm afraid that I might be losing him because of my sexuality.
Your sexuality.
How old are you, 16?
- Have you even kissed a boy?
- No.
- Have you ever kissed a girl?
- No.
Well, then how can you possibly know what you like? You see, that's the problem with your generation.
You're obsessed with labels.
So you like show tunes.
Doesn't mean you're gay.
It just means you're awful.
You know, there's only one person in this world who can tell you what you are.
- Me.
- No.
Me.
Sue Sylvester.
And she hasn't quite made up her mind about you.
Wait.
I have an idea.
Our assignment for Glee Club is to find a song
- that reflects our voice - Yeah, you know what? I checked out of this conversation about a minute back.
So, uh, good luck with your troubles and I'm gonna make it a habit not to stop and talk to students 'cause this has been a colossal waste of my time.
Hey, Kurt You wanted to speak to me? Yeah, Dad.
Yeah.
I was just, uh, working on my Glee Club assignment "Pink Houses" byJohn Mellencamp.
Oh, really? I didn't think that was in your wheelhouse.
Yeah, I think it's really brave for a Midwesterner like himself to, uh, write a song about such bold interior design.
- You know that's not what the song's about?
- Really? No, it's about how the '80s were a tough time for a lot of people and, you know, the American Dream isn't all it's cracked up to be.
Hmm.
Fascinating.
Hey, why don't we go grab a couple burgers and, uh, you can tell me more about it? Sure.
But I gotta be honest.
That's pretty much what every Mellencamp song is about.
But you know what? I'll get my coat.
Anything to help you out.
What if he says I'll never sing again? I mean, who am I without my voice? L-I'm just this spoiled, annoying only child Don't say that.
There's, like, so many awesome things about you.
Like? Look, he's not gonna say you'll never sing again.
Bad news, Rachel.
You'll probably never sing again.
- [Gasps]
- I'm kidding.
You have severe tonsillitis, which has resulted in an inner ear infection.
It's not the first time.
You should have had them out years ago.
Why should I let you butcher my throat, when just resting my voice for a week and chugging down herbal tea will do the same job? This is a very serious infection.
I think she's worried about the surgery affecting her singing voice.
At least start by taking these antibiotics Unless you think they're going to adversely affect your dance moves.
- What do you think I should do? - Maybe you should ask your boyfriend.
Oh, wait, you can't.
He's not here.
He's in San Diego on spring break with his friends from Vocal Adrenaline.
When are you gonna realize that he's not into you like I am? You think he's gonna stick around if you can't sing?
- If you're a vocal cr*pple?
- Look, I know that you've always been jealous ofJesse.
And even though he and I haven't spoken since the "Run Joey Run" debacle you just have to accept the fact that I still care about him deeply.
And I know he still feels the same way about me.
♪ [Upbeat Pop]
♪ Jessie is a friend ♪
♪ Yeah, I know he's been a good friend of mine ♪
♪ But lately something's changed that ain't hard to define ♪
♪ Jessie's got himself a girl and I wanna make her mine ♪
♪ And she's watching him with those eyes ♪
♪ And she's loving him with that body I just know it ♪
♪ And he's holding her in his arms ♪
♪ Late, late at night ♪
♪ You know I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
♪ Where can I find a woman like that ♪
♪ And I'm lookin' in the mirror all the time ♪
♪ Wondering what she don't see in me ♪
♪ I've been funny I've been cool with the lines ♪
♪ Ain't that the way love's supposed to be ♪
♪ Tell me, where can I find a woman like that ♪
♪ LikeJessie's girl ♪
♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
♪ I wantJessie's girl ♪
♪ Where can I find a woman like that ♪
♪ LikeJessie's girl ♪
♪ I wish that I had Jessie's girl ♪
♪ I want, I wantJessie's girl ♪
♪ [Ends]
[Cheering, Whooping]
[Will]
Nice work.
Now that That is the kind of soul-exposing song I was talking about.
We should all be inspired by Finn's bravery.
Good job, buddy.
Uh, Mr.
Shue, can I sing my song now? Uh, Mr.
Shue, can I sing my song now? Yeah.
Let's go for it, Puck.
- What are they doing here? - I invited my brothers from the jazz band and their righteous horns to help me out with my song.
Since I shaved my Mohawk I started seeing things differently.
Last week I joined a black church and I recently downloaded every song Sammy Davis, Jr.
Ever recorded on iTunes.
He was a blackJew, you know, and my inspiration.
So, without further ado, I give you one of Sammy's biggest hits.
♪ [Maracas: Up-tempo b*at]
♪ [Maracas: Up-tempo b*at]
♪♪ [Swing Jazz]
♪ She gets too hungry for dinner at 8:00 ♪
♪ She adores the theater and won't arrive late ♪
♪ She'd never bother with people she'd hate ♪
♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪
♪ Doesn't like crap games with barons and earls ♪
♪ Won't go to Harlem in ermine and pearls ♪
♪ Won't dish the dirt with the rest of the girls ♪
♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪
♪ She likes the free Fresh wind in her hair ♪
♪ Life without care ♪
♪ She's broke, it's oke ♪
♪ She hates California It's cold and it's damp ♪
♪ That's why the lady is a tramp ♪
♪ Oh, oh-oh, oh-oh ♪
♪ Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh-oh-oh ♪
♪ I get far too hungry to eat dinner at 8:00 ♪
♪ I adore the theater but I never come late ♪
- ♪ You never bother ♪
- ♪♪ [Scatting]
♪ With anyone that you'd hate ♪
[Together]
♪That's why the lady is a tramp ♪
♪ I like the free Fresh wind in my hair ♪
♪ Life without care ♪
♪ She's a swinger, a humdinger ♪
- ♪ Hates California ♪
- [Together]
♪Too cold and too damp ♪
- ♪ That's why the lady ♪
- ♪ That's why the lady ♪
- ♪ That's why the lady ♪
- ♪ That's why the lady ♪
- ♪ That's why the lady ♪
- ♪ Oh, oh, oh-oh-oh-oh ♪
- ♪ That is why the lady is a ♪
- ♪That is why the lady ♪
- ♪ Tramp ♪
- ♪ Is a tramp ♪
♪ Tramp, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Oh, oh-oh-oh, yeah ♪♪ [School Bell Rings]
Look, Quinn, I could never see myself being into a guy like Puck especially since he's your baby's daddy, but something just happened between us.
I say go for it.
- What?
- Look.
I screwed up by letting Puck get me pregnant.
He's an idiot, and his mother won't let me eat bacon.
I'm stuck living with him right now but at least, if you guys are dating I won't have to spend so much time listening to his insane theories on how Super Mario Brothers changed civilization.
But you do realize he's using you and your popularity so he won't get tossed in a Dumpster.
I know he's using me, but in a way, it's even better.
I'm not you.
I've never had a guy like me for anything but now I'm such a steaming mug of hot chocolate that one of the studliest guys in school wants to use me to harvest some mojo.
I just don't want you getting hurt.
I know what this is.
My heart's safe.
Oh, I'm not worried about your heart.
I might be okay with this, but not even Puck is going to be able to call off Santana.
[School Bell Rings]
- All right, let's get things started.
- Mr.Shue? I'd like to start us off.
I believe I've found a song that finally expresses my true voice.
Okay.
- Gentlemen.
- ♪ [Mid-tempo Rock]
- Gentlemen.
- ♪ [Mid-tempo Rock]
♪ There's a black man with a black cat ♪
♪ Livin' in a black neighborhood ♪
♪ He's got an interstate runnin' through his front yard ♪
♪ You know, he thinks that he's got it so good ♪
♪ And there's a woman in the kitchen ♪
♪ Cleanin' up the evenin' slop ♪
♪And he looks at her and says ♪
♪ Hey, darlin', I can remember ♪
♪ When you could stop a clock ♪
♪ Oh, but ain't that America ♪
♪ For you and me ♪
♪ Ain't that America ♪
♪ Somethin'to see, baby ♪
♪ Ain't that America ♪
♪ Home of the free, yeah ♪
♪ Little pink houses for you and me ♪
♪ Oh, baby, for you and me ♪♪
Is there something wrong, Mr.Shue? I don't really think you got the point of the assignment.
This was about finding a song that expresses who you are.
That song didn't really sound like you.
Well, I'm sorry if I didn't live up to your expectations.
No, no.
This group needs you to be you, Kurt.
You can literally do things that no one else can.
I'm not a box.
There are more than four sides to me.
Don't lose track of who you are just because it might be easier to be somebody else.
All right, take five, guys.
Hey, Kurt - That song was hot.
- Oh.
"Mer-ci.
" So you're pretty much the only guy in this school that I haven't made out with because I thought you were capital-G gay.
But now that you're not, having a perfect record would mean a lot to me.
So, let me know if you want to tap this.
[School Bell Rings]
Are you, like, sleepwalking? You have to be able to sleep to sleepwalk.
I am on my third day of antibiotics and I am not getting any better which means I'm gonna have to have that surgery, which means my life is over.
Don't you think you're being a little dramatic, I mean, even for you? God, I'm so sick of you feeling sorry for yourself.
Why don't you get it? I am my voice.
I am like Tinker Bell, Finn.
I need applause to live.
I got a friend I want you to meet.
- Another doctor? I've seen six already.
- No.
No, he's an old friend of mine.
♪ [Woman Scatting]
Your lip gloss tastes like root beer.
It's weird.
Can I ask you something? What do boys' lips taste like? Usually, dip.
Sometimes they taste like burgers or my armpits.
Kissing my armpits is a really big turn-on for me.
[Door Opens, Closes]
Whoa.
Am I interrupting something? You sure are.
[Chuckles]
Okay, I'm confused.
I came home to find this note on your doorknob.
"Do not enter under any circumstances.
I'm making out with a girl.
" I just thought it was the start of one of your m*rder mystery dinners.
Dad, I really need you to respect my privacy.
Brittany and I were just, uh, having sexual relations.
[Whispers]
Hi.
Kurt, uh, I've been sort of dealing for months with you being gay and everything and now you're telling me that's not the case? Dad, you and I have more in common than I would have thought The flannel, the Mellencamp the ladies.
Okay, well you're free to be whoever you are.
Okay? You just let me know when you make up your mind.
I'm gonna do the best I can, but I'm good either way.
Nice to meet you.
All right, you kids be careful, all right? And-And you gotta respect her, all right? And if things get serious, you know, use protection.
Does he mean, like, a burglar alarm? So what made Super Mario Brothers 3 so amazing was the star worlds.
None of the other versions had anything like that.
Look, Puck, I agreed to start dating you because you have great arms and we have serious musical chemistry both of which are really important to me but clearly you've never dated a sister before and we have needs As in you need to stop flapping your gums about this video game nonsense and start finding out more about me, about who I am.
Okay.
I've never done that with a girl before, but I'm cool.
The first thing you need to know is I like those frozen coffee drinks.
- Do you want me to get you one? - Decaf.
Cool.
- What was that?
- Whatever I did, I'm I'm sorry.
Here.
Take my lunch money as an apology.
Put that away.
Why didn't you look at me when I walked by? Well, the Tweetosphere says you're dating Mercedes Jones.
She's one of the most popular girls in school.
Your cool-o-meter is off the charts which means most of us are terrified of you again.
Some of the guys who threw you in the Dumpster actually transferred today out of fear of retaliation.
I didn't say you could smile.
Give me that lunch money.
Also, my girl needs a coffee drink.
[Beeping]
[Line Ringing]
Excuse me.
Can I please talk to you for a minute? Uh-huh, sure.
You know you look kind of familiar.
Yeah, you do too, but, um I just wanted to know, do you know somebody named
[Chuckles]
You know his name.
Oh, yeah, definitely.
I know his name.
I just wanted to let you know he's mine.
No, no.
He's mine.
[Together]
♪You need to give it up ♪
♪ Had about enough ♪
♪ He belongs to me ♪
♪ The boy is mine ♪
♪ I think it's time we got this straight ♪
♪ Sit and talk face to face ♪
♪ There is no way you could mistake him for your man ♪
♪ Are you insane ♪
♪ You see, I know that you may be ♪
♪ Just a bit jealous of me ♪
♪ 'Cause you're blind if you can't see ♪
♪ All my love is all it took ♪
♪ You need to give it up Had about enough ♪
- ♪ Had about enough ♪
- ♪ It's not hard to see ♪
♪ He's mine, he's mine He's mine, he's mine ♪
- ♪ I'm sorry that you ♪
- ♪ I'm so sorry ♪
- ♪ Seem to be confused ♪
- ♪You seem to be confused ♪
- ♪ He belongs to me ♪
- ♪ He belongs to me ♪
♪ The boy is mine ♪
♪ You can't destroy this love I've found ♪
♪ Your silly games I won't allow ♪
♪ The boy is mine without a doubt ♪
♪ He was my love right from the start ♪
- ♪ I'm sorry that you ♪
- ♪ I'm sorry that you ♪
- ♪ Seem to be confused ♪
- ♪ Seem to be confused ♪
♪ He belongs to me ♪
♪ That boy is mine, not yours ♪
- ♪ But mine ♪
- ♪ Not yours ♪
- ♪ But mine ♪
- ♪ Not yours ♪
♪ No, mine ♪
♪ I'm sorry that you ♪
[Together]
♪ Seem to be confused ♪
♪ He belongs to me ♪
- ♪ The boy is mine ♪♪ - Wow.
That was intense.
- ♪The boy is mine ♪♪
- Wow.
That was intense.
- Don't touch me.
- Oh, step to me.
I gotta give you guys props for the passion.
- Maybe hold back on the animosity a little bit.
- Okay.
I know.
I understand.
Hey, hey, hey.
Seriously, this ends now.
- All right.
- Talk to the stick figure.
Please.
All right? You can go at it in song, but that is it.
Enjoy it while you can, Weezie.
His hair is already starting to grow back.
- Mm-hmm.
- Calm down.
Hey! Hey.
[Groans]
Puck, what the hell is going on here?
- Just a little payback.
- [Boy Groans]
You hear that? It's the sound of order being restored.
No man of mine is gonna be pulling stuff like this.
Babe, this is what we do.
I mean, look at 'em.
They need this.
Without the fear of a good Dumpster toss, there'd be chaos up in this place.
Look, you don't need to like it, but you need to accept that this is the way things are, 'cause now we're part of the system.
We're at the top of the heap.
Who's next?
- [Boy Groans]
- [Doorbell Rings]
- Hi.
Uh, Mrs.Fretthold, this is Rachel.
- Pretty.
Uh, I'll tell Sean you're here.
I'm sorry it's such a mess.
I've been on the phone to the insurance company all day.
- Oh, no.
That's fine.
- Is this him? [Finn]
Uh, yeah.
- We met at football camp a couple years ago.
- He's ready for you.
- Fab-Five Finnster.
- Fretter.
[Chuckles]
This is the hottie you were telling me about? Yeah.
Sean Fretthold, Rachel Berry.
Rachel, Sean.
Got a boyfriend, Rachel? - Um, sort of.
- Sort of? Sounds like I got a sh*t.
I don't understand.
This isn't funny.
Sorry.
They make me see a shrink.
He says I compensate with humor.
Third game of the season, right after I met the Finnster this yeti of a fullback breaks through the line.
I hear a cr*ck.
Next thing I know, I'm lying on the ground saying to myself, "Get up, get up" but nothing was working, you know?
- Sean was a C-4.
- Paralyzed from the upper chest down.
I'm so sorry.
Finn says your voice is messed up.
- Is it gonna come back? - L I do I don't know.
Pissed off about what you lost? I was.
Like, real rage.
I used to just lie in bed and scream.
Finn shouldn't have brought me here.
I'm so sorry.
Wait, wait, wait.
Just Tell her about what happened when they gave you the chair.
They were all excited because I could drive it myself by blowing in that tube.
The second they left me alone I drove it into the swimming pool.
His mom pulled him out when she heard the splash.
I don't understand.
Are Are you trying to tell me that you're happier now? Hell, no.
I'm miserable.
I miss my body.
I miss my life.
I miss my friends.
I miss girls.
But I've realized, over time, that I've got other stuff going on.
I'm more than just one thing.
You know, I'm good at math.
Seriously.
I flew through Calc I in, like, two months.
- And I can sing.
- He's actually pretty good.
I used to sing in the shower, in the car I didn't have the balls to try out for my school's club like Finn did.
That pissed me off more than anything.
What the hell was I afraid of? - [Knocking]
- Sorry, guys.
Time for physical therapy.
Later, dude.
Um, I'll come by in a few weeks.
I'll be here.
- Thanks.
- For what? Just, um, thanks.
[School Bell Rings]
Hey, mama.
- Where's your Cheerios uniform?
- I quit.
Nobody quits the Cheerios.
You either die, or I kick you off.
It was fun, I guess, but when I put the uniform on, I didn't feel like myself.
It's just not who I am.
And what am I supposed to do about that Mariah Carey number in which you do Huh? Nationals is in three weeks.
Guess I'll just have to take to the mic and deliver a diatribe Probably something about immigrants.
I know Glee Club may be super nerdy or whatever but it's taught me something very important.
You have to be true to who you are.
That's something you may want think about.
'Cause the guy I saw throwing dweebs in the Dumpster yesterday I don't like him very much.
And you know what? I don't think you do either.
[School Bell Rings]
Your hands are really soft.
My secret? Duck fat.
Hey, guys.
Just holding hands with Brittany.
Seriously.
They feel like a baby.
Now I know what it's like to date a baby.
Hey, Kurt.
- Dad.
Hey.
- Finn caught a foul ball in the ninth so that means free hoagies at Lenny's Hoagies and then half-price to the motocross tonight, so I promised I'd take him.
Hi.
Can you excuse us for a minute, boo? - What? - Just go away.
Did you ever think that that might be something I wanted to do with you? Look, Kurt, Finn needs a buddy right now, okay? At the game, he got to talking about his dad and, you know, his mom thinks it's a really good thing for him.
Look, I promise you we will hang out as much as you want, okay? Just not tonight.
♪All that work And what did it get me ♪
♪ Why did I do it ♪
♪ Scrapbooks full of me in the background ♪
♪ Give 'em love And what does it get ya ♪
♪ What does it get ya ♪
♪ One quick look as each of'em leaves you ♪
♪ All your life And what does it get ya ♪
♪ Thanks a lot And out with the garbage ♪
♪ They take bows And you're battin' zero ♪
♪ I had a dream ♪
♪ I dreamed it for you, Dad ♪
♪ It wasn't for me, Dad ♪
♪ And if it wasn't for me Then where would you be ♪
♪ Miss Rachel Berry ♪
♪ Well, someone tell me when is it my turn ♪
♪ Don't I get a dream by myself ♪
♪ Starting now It's gonna be my turn ♪
♪ Gangway, world Get off of my runway ♪
♪ Starting now I bat a thousand ♪
♪ This time, boys I'm taking the bows and ♪
♪ Everything's coming up Kurt ♪
♪ Everything's coming up Hummel ♪
♪ Everything's coming up Kurt ♪
♪ This time for me ♪
[Laughs]
♪ For me ♪
♪ For me, for me ♪
♪ For me, for me ♪
♪ For ♪ ♪ Me
♪♪ Yeah.
[Clapping]
[Clapping]
That was some serious singing, kid.
- That was "Rose's Turn.
" - I could get into that, maybe.
- What happened to the hoagies?
- Ah, blew it off.
You know Too much cholesterol.
I bet Finn was disappointed.
He understood, uh once I told him how bent out of shape I thought you were.
Me? I'm fine.
Kurt, I'm dumb, but I'm not stupid.
And I have no idea what that song was about but "fine" don't sing like you just sung.
Look.
Maybe I got carried away doing stuff with Finn but, you know, I told you this thing with you was going to be hard.
Thing with me.
You mean being gay.
Yeah, being gay.
Look, I will fight to the death for your right to love whoever you want but when you were a little baby in my arms did I dream about taking you to baseball games and talking about girls? Yeah, I did.
A lot of fathers do.
I had no idea how disappointing I was.
Hey, come on.
Now, stop it right now.
I'm talking straight to you.
Don't go playing the victim.
You know that's not what I mean.
I know.
I'm sorry.
I know you're working hard on yourself to make all this okay.
Just seeing you the way you are with Finn how easy it is breaks my heart.
Is that why you were pretending to date that daffy cheerleader? And dressing differently, and singing Mellencamp? I just want you to know that I'm going to work as hard as you to make this okay.
You don't have to work at anything, Kurt.
Your job is to be yourself and my job is to love you no matter what.
Okay? That and a majority ownership in a tire store That's all we got.
Okay? We stick to that, we're going to be great.
- [Sniffles]
I missed you, Dad.
- Oh, come here.
I love you.
Love you too.
[Knocking]
[Knocking]
Mom.
- Finn with you?
- No.
I came by myself.
- Is that okay?
- Yeah.
I, um I just wanted to say thank you for showing me that just because I'm not good at anything other than singing doesn't mean I'm not any good if I can't sing.
That sounded like a really bad greeting card.
No.
It was cool.
Well, anyways, l I just thought I could maybe return the favor.
I thought I could give you singing lessons.
It sort of seemed like an area of interest for you.
I'll I'll come by, like, once a week or something and we could just see how it goes.
I've I've helped almost everyone in our Glee Club - some by brute force, but
- So your voice came back? Turns out that a heroic dose of antibiotics and a mysterious blend of herbal remedies and a vow of silence is all it takes to cure tonsillitis, so I'll probably have to have my tonsils taken out eventually but, um, I'm I'm not scared anymore.
Uh, so do you want to give it a spin now? Sing with you? Yeah.
Yeah, I'd be honored.
Come here.
Take my hand?
- Can you feel that?
- No.
But it's weird I remember what it feels like, and I can see it, so it's like I can.
L-I, um [Clears Throat]
I thought we'd do a little classic rock today.
- Finn said you might like that.
- Yeah.
♪ Is it getting better ♪
♪ Or do you feel the same ♪
♪ Will it make it easier on you now ♪
♪ You've got someone to blame ♪
[Together]
♪ You say ♪
♪ One love, one life ♪
♪ When it's one need ♪
♪ In the night ♪
♪ One love ♪
♪ We get to share it ♪
♪ L eaves you, baby ♪
♪ If you don't care for it ♪
♪ Did I disappoint you ♪
♪ Or leave a bad taste in your mouth ♪
♪ You act like you never had love ♪
♪ And you want me to go without ♪
[Together]
♪Well, it's too late ♪
♪ Tonight ♪
♪ To drag the past out into the light ♪
♪ We're one, but we're not the same ♪
♪ We get to carry each other ♪
♪ Carry each other ♪
♪ One ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ One ♪ ♪
[Mercedes Vocalizing]
♪ Love is a temple Love is a higher law ♪
♪ Love is a temple ♪
♪ Love is a higher law ♪
♪ You ask for me to enter ♪
♪ But then you make me crawl ♪
♪ And I can't be holding on to what you got ♪
- ♪ When all you got is hurt ♪
- ♪ One love ♪
♪ One blood ♪
- ♪ One life ♪
- ♪You got to do what you should ♪
♪ One life ♪
♪ With each other ♪
♪ Sisters and my brothers ♪
♪ One life, but we're not the same ♪
♪ We get to carry each other ♪
♪ Carry each other ♪
♪ One ♪
♪ One ♪
♪ One ♪
♪ One ♪♪
♪ [Vocalizing]
♪ [Harmonic Vocalizing]
♪ [Ends]