[speaking Latin]
[girl] Hello!
English, please.
I'm surrounded by idiots.
That girl is a lot.
[loud thud]
[gasps]
[rattling]
[crackling]
I told you, Pugsley.
It's push, not pull.
Hello, everyone!
I can't believe
parents let their children
go out like this.
They're all so clean,
shiny.
[Gomez] Oh, it's not all bad,
my dear.
At least they pit the children
against each other
in a competition
that will inevitably scar
the losers forever.
Behold!
The gift of Prometheus!
[both cheering]
Ugh.
Step aside, kid.
I'll show you how it's done.
[grunts]
- [chuckles]
- [girl] What?
- [continues grunting]
- [girls gasp]
[Wednesday]
Ladies and gentlemen.
Come on, come on.
Wednesday is next.
Have you ever
found yourself discontented
by those closest to you?
Are you irked
by their inability
to heed simple requests?
Such as, "Please don't come
to my science fair."
[chuckling]
She's talking about us.
[Wednesday] Do you ever wish
you could take
their undesirable qualities
and eliminate them forever?
It can be done.
Meet my Uncle Fester.
Hello!
- [screams]
- [man gags]
- [body thuds]
- That's my brother.
Observe.
Hmm.
[sniffs]
- [rattles]
- Mm.
[grunts]
[chomping]
[burps]
- [all groan]
- [woman] Come on!
Stomach-turning, isn't it?
In stark contrast, however,
is Socrates.
[all] Aw.
Psst! Are you gonna eat that?
This led me
to ponder the question,
what if personality traits
could be extracted
and implanted
between creatures?
[liquid sloshes]
Bottoms up.
Mmm. [smacks lips]
Ooh.
[bell dings]
[crowd applauding]
[chuckles] Yay! All right!
Thank you, thank you.
What happened?
[crunching]
[laughs]
Is there a single person
in the history of the world
who's made more
of a breakthrough?
She's an enfant terrible.
With the focus on terrible.
Cara mia, you know
what French does to me.
[announcer] And now, the moment
you've all been waiting for.
Here to present the awards
at this year's
Strange Foundation
National Science Fair,
is the brilliant innovator
and the namesake of our
foundation, Cyrus Strange.
[laughing]
Hello, everyone.
Oh!
[glitches slightly]
I'm so honored to be here.
But, well,
I'm not actually there, I'm...
- here! [laughing]
- [people gasp]
Well, you get it.
Welcome to this year's
science fair.
I'm excited
to honor this group
of brilliant minds
we have before us.
[glitching] Let's proceed.
[announcer]
And the winner is...
- Good luck.
- [chuckles]
Oh. You were serious.
[announcer]
Everyone who participated.
- What?
- [announcer] That's right.
This year,
we are embracing a new philosophy.
Just trying
makes you a winner.
But how can you be a winner
if no one is a loser?
[announcer] Every single
one of you is special.
Disagree.
He's not special.
Did you see his volcano?
What was that? Baking soda?
Is this the third grade?
It does not count!
Don't you get it?
- Ugh.
- I get it, Wednesday.
I watched your presentation.
It was brilliant.
Yes, I'm aware of that.
I see a kindred spirit in you.
Mm-hmm.
The makings of a great mind.
If you'd like to share
your research with me,
I could develop it further
in my lab.
Imagine what would happen
if we combined your data
with the proper resources?
Alas, I can't share
any of that.
It's a family secret.
I see.
And which family is yours?
Fire in the hole!
["Welcome to the Madhouse"
playing]
♪ Welcome to the madhouse ♪
Oh.
[screaming]
Pretty hot, eh, ladies?
Nice job, Romeo.
♪ Welcome to the madhouse ♪
♪ Where they all come back
For more ♪
♪ Welcome to the madhouse ♪
Morticia, my queen,
you inflame me.
I feel liquid magma
lapping at my body.
You're on fire, dear.
Ha! So I am!
[dance-pop music resumes]
My condolences.
[Fester laughing]
♪ Welcome to the madhouse ♪
[theme music playing]
[thunder crashing]
Great thinkers need
obstacles to function.
Yet, with every
meaningless trophy,
I become more
and more unremarkable.
And with every hug,
more brain cells erode.
But, like the phoenix
from the ashes,
I shall rise above
this setback.
Together, we shall turn heads,
Socrates.
Starting with Pugsley.
- [Pugsley squeaks]
- [bones cr*ck]
[groans]
[grunts]
- Love hurts, huh, kid?
- Huh?
Well, I saw you
swing and miss horribly
with the ladies
at the science fair.
So, I thought
you should read my book!
The Fester Method: How to Woo
and Other Tips on Love.
[laughs]
You wrote this?
Self-published,
on the Internet.
Not easy to do.
Pugsley, I've been
on three first dates.
I mean, who else
has that kind of experience?
I know this, uh,
goes against guy code,
but what are you doing
Friday night?
- [fanfare blaring]
- [gasps]
Hey, you kids,
come on down here.
It's dinner time.
[Fester] Mmm.
- [yelps]
- Oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy!
[Pugsley coughs]
It's dinner time,
my favorite nighttime meal!
[yelps] My balls!
Ow, ow. My stomach! [grunting]
- [Grandma screams]
- uh-oh, my head!
[screaming]
[laughs] Mmm.
Oh!
- [groans]
- [Fester groans]
Please, Uncle Fester,
wait for the children.
Children?
I thought
we were having chicken.
Where are those two?
Pugsley may have an appetite
for destruction,
but it's never a match
for his stomach.
I wouldn't wait on Pugsley.
Kid's got
a lot of homework to do.
[sighs] This generation.
Let's at least wait
for Wednesday.
[glass shatters]
Why does nobody in this family
come in
through the front door?
"Dearest Mother and Father,
I will not be attending this
evening's ritual mastication."
I guess she's not hungry.
"It's not that I'm not hungry,
I am just choosing
to spare myself
the agony of your compliments
on my performance today
and your needy attempt to hang
my award above the fireplace."
I should go
try to talk to her.
[Morticia]
"Don't try to talk to me.
I want to be alone."
We should bring her
a plate at least.
"P.S. Don't even
bring me a plate."
[groans]
This is the third dinner
Wednesday has skipped
this week.
Why is she avoiding us?
All I ever do is try to love
and support her.
Gomez, I think she's saying
that's the problem.
You're brilliant, cara mia.
- What?
- She's trying to tell me
that what a young girl wants
is a ton of attention
from her father.
Or you could just
keep being yourself.
Let her come back to us
when she's ready.
But that could take forever!
[gasps] I have the very solution
to the problem, cara mia.
We'll take a family road trip.
What?
You've always wanted to see
more of this great country.
Well, it's true.
We have some of the best dark
secrets, as countries go.
Then it's settled!
We are going on
an Addams family vacation!
[rooster crowing]
[Gomez] Come on, kids.
Feast your eyes
on the old Addams camper.
Thing's been fixing it up.
[gulps, slurps]
It's a hybrid.
Half car, half eyesore.
[Wednesday]
Mother, Father, this is cruel.
Even for you.
[Lurch groans]
- That's the spirit, Lurch.
- [groans]
- [horn screams]
- Ha-ha!
Let's go, Wednesday.
It's time
for some family bonding.
Whether you like it or not.
You see, Wednesday,
this trip will bring
the Addams family
closer than ever before.
[chuckles]
[Pugsley straining]
Or there will be no survivors.
[man] Hello?
Anybody home?
Hello?
Mr. Addams?
Hello, good sir!
I am Gomez Addams.
And this is my wife, Morticia.
Charmed.
I'll get right to the point.
My name is Mustela.
I'm a lawyer representing a
couple in Sausalito, California.
Recent evidence
has come to light
that on the night of
my client's daughter's birth,
she may have been switched
with another child
at the hospital.
Namely, a Wednesday Addams.
- [Morticia snickers]
- [laughing hysterically]
Ooh, hilarious!
All this, just to get out
of a family road trip.
How much did Wednesday
pay you?
Excuse me?
Oh! Sorry, sorry,
where are my manners?
I think he's expecting a tip.
No, I'm expecting
a DNA sample.
If you'll bring
the child here, we can...
I never seem to have a tip.
- [Mr. Mustela gasps]
- I do.
Great Uncle Zander left me
these tips in his will.
I knew one day
they'd come in handy.
There you go, my good man.
Well played.
Very amusing indeed.
I assure you, Mr. Addams,
there's nothing amusing
about this.
And this is far from over!
I can't believe
he gave me the finger.
Mother, Father,
who was that man?
Very funny, Wednesday.
[laughs] Nice try.
I have no idea
what you're talking about.
Who was he?
No one for you
to worry about.
No one at all, dear.
Hmm.
[Morticia] Thank you
for watching the house
while we're gone, Grandma.
It's such a relief
to know it's in safe hands.
Oh, please.
Trust me, these hands
have cracked many safes.
Thing, let the vacation
commence!
[engine starts]
Let's roll!
[up-tempo music playing]
[tires screeching]
Bye! Farewell!
Adios! Toodle-oo!
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I thought they'd never leave.
[spirit] Let's party!
[Grandma laughs]
You read my mind, chuckles.
Time to make some money.
I thought that first,
we shall pay our respects
to the immolated
in the witch-haunted city
of Salem.
Then, in the great nomadic
tradition of our ancestors,
we'll flit hither and thither
across this great nation
until we reach
- our final destination.
- [muffled screaming]
The place on Earth
where people are happiest!
Death Valley!
We'll be gone
for three weeks.
Three weeks?
You're both growing up
so fast.
Soon, you'll move out,
and it'll be nice
to have a memory
we could look back upon.
No matter how terrible.
Ooh, like prom night.
[up-tempo music continues]
♪ This family
'Bout to go global ♪
[horn blares]
I can't believe the boss
made me bring backup.
No offense,
I just really don't see
what you bring
to the table.
[growls]
All I know is,
if we don't get that girl and
bring her back to Sausalito,
we'll both be fired.
[growls]
Oh, ugh. Mint?
You know what? Take 'em all.
[up-tempo music continues]
♪ This family
'Bout to go global ♪
[eerie vocalizing]
[continues vocalizing]
Ooh, ooh, ooh.
And then it goes...
[vocalizing in deep voice]
Anyway, it's not finished yet,
but it's my best
rock opera yet.
I'm calling it Rocktapus.
I wrote it in the bath.
I've been taking
a lot of baths recently.
You know, I think it's...
[bell dings]
[Fester gasps]
All that beautiful water!
[echoes]
Forget Salem!
We know how it turned out.
Change of plans.
[tires screeching]
Thing, how did this happen?
We were supposed
to be in Salem.
Ah, don't be mad, brother.
Niagara Falls is
the great Wonder of the World
and kills the most tourists
with its powerful, seductive
water. [echoes]
[water bubbling]
[Gomez muffled]
Fester? Fester?
- [muffling stops] Hey, Fester.
- [shaking wetly]
Are you feeling all right?
You're not your usual
creepy self.
Not especially.
Will you take a look at this?
- Does this seem off to you?
- [sniffing]
It smells okay,
but make sure to put it
in the fridge.
Seafood turns very quickly.
Having fun?
I'm staring at Canada,
if that answers your question.
I'm sorry, Wednesday.
I know how much
you wanted to see
where girls your age
were b*rned at the stake.
What did you call them again?
Squad goals.
What do you say
we do a little exploring?
Just us.
I saw a vintage store
in town.
Maybe it's time for you
to try out a more mature look.
The little black dress
is a classic, Mother.
There's my little holy terror.
[groans]
You know how I feel
about hugs, Father.
[gasps, chuckles]
Did you know dozens of people
tried to go over these falls
in wooden barrels?
Does anyone survive?
Some do. Some don't.
I hear it's a barrel of fun.
- [laughs]
- [Wednesday groans]
Pugsley, have you ever worn
a coat of live bees?
[girl laughs] OMG.
I should totes take a selfie
of this moment.
[camera clicking]
Ah! This is
the perfect opportunity
to try out the moves
in my book.
The key with women
is to make a strong
first impression.
You mean like a bad smell?
Well, that goes
without saying.
What I mean is,
it's important to make a big splash.
Are you with me, kid?
- [grunts]
- [girls gasp]
- Huh?
- [Pugsley] Ouch!
I just skinned my knee
falling for you.
[both laughing]
That's so corny.
Ugh. Did you get that
from a book?
- Uh-oh. Uh...
- [girls laughing]
Leave this to me.
Excuse me, vacuous lemmings.
[gasps] Oh, come on.
- ["Jump Around" playing]
- [Pugsley whimpering]
♪ Pack it up, pack it in
Let me begin ♪
♪ I came to win
Battle me, that's a sin ♪
♪ I won't ever slack up
Punk, you better back up ♪
♪ Try and play the role
And, yo ♪
- ♪ The whole crew'll act up ♪
- [mimics expl*si*n]
♪ I came to get down
I came to get down ♪
♪ So get out your seat
And jump around ♪
- ♪ Jump around! ♪
- [grunting]
Stop! No! [groaning]
♪ Jump around! ♪
[all laughing]
♪ Jump up, jump up
And get down! ♪
♪ Jump! Jump! Jump! Jump! ♪
♪ Everybody jump! Jump!
Jump! Jump! ♪
♪ Everybody jump! ♪
[screaming]
Madison, would you do me the
honor of becoming my wife?
- [Pugsley screaming]
- [Madison gasps]
[shrieks] Help!
Is that a maybe?
[screaming]
[grunts, screaming]
[whimpering]
- [screaming]
- [crowd gasps]
[grunts, screaming]
[all exclaim]
Right in the Niagara balls!
[muffled groaning]
[yelps]
[Gomez]
Nobody is renting barrels.
I had to buy pickles
just to get these.
[Mr. Mustela] You go that way.
I'll look over here.
Gomez, look.
Isn't that the weaselly man
who came to the house
looking for Wednesday?
Well, I have to admit,
I admire the man's tenacity.
Wednesday, let's try
a little family trust-building
exercise.
- I don't believe in exercise.
- [Gomez] Sorry!
[Wednesday grunting]
[yelps]
[growls]
Excelsior! Whoo-hoo-hoo!
- [groans]
- Hey, hey, wait for me!
I wanna go in the water too!
[both grunting]
[both yelling]
[bird squawks]
[Mr. Mustela] Help! Pongo!
Guess that takes care of that.
Hey, where's Pugsley?
[water bubbles]
Well, look at this,
a tiny floating person.
- [doll squeaks]
- [muffled groan]
Oh! There he is.
[gasps, coughing]
How great was that, Wednesday?
And we both survived.
Another thing
we have in common.
Okay, what's going on?
[Morticia]
Whatever do you mean?
Father.
His erratic behavior.
This last-minute family trip
to make memories.
Giving hugs.
It's t*rture.
And not the fun kind,
like putting leeches
in Pugsley's briefs.
Anyway, I'm quite sure
he's dying.
- What?
- Don't worry.
I won't tell Pugsley.
Not yet.
He'll enjoy the surprise.
But if you're afraid to ask my
permission to take a new lover,
just know you have it.
- [Fester chittering]
- [Pugsley sighs tiredly]
["Mommy's Little Monster"
playing]
♪ Mommy's little monster
Dropped out of school ♪
[Pugsley groans] Ouch!
Mom, tell her to stop!
[Morticia] Please,
darlings, quiet down.
I'm trying to find a signal.
- [Pugsley yelps]
- [growls]
[Pugsley] Ow!
- Mom, help!
- [sighs]
Gomez, have you heard
from your mother yet?
She's not answering my texts.
Oh, she's probably having
an early night.
The woman is almost
years old, after all.
- ♪ Let's rock this party ♪
- Whoo! [laughs]
- [dance music playing]
- ♪ Come on now ♪
♪ Let's rock this party, yeah ♪
Whoo-hoo!
- [laughing]
- We're here for the party!
Whoop-la!
Tickets, please!
Wow, this place
is a whole mood.
Well, if you're
in the mood to party,
step right this way.
Whoa!
This plant totes slaps!
No, darling, she snaps.
- [both shriek]
- Oh, don't worry, don't worry.
She's on a vegan diet.
In that she only eats vegans.
[laughing]
And who's the headliner?
Uh... Uh... The Talking Heads.
For reals?
Uh, yeah, yeah.
Uh, they're right over there.
♪ You 'bout that lifestyle ♪
♪ Lifestyle ♪
- ♪ Everybody knows ♪
- [head beatboxing]
♪ Diamonds ain't got nothin'
On you, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ We 'bout that lifestyle ♪
Um... I didn't pay $
to watch a bunch of puppets.
What?
Do you know how hard it is
to decapitate
an entire barber shop quartet?
[all gasp]
Ew! Refund, please.
No, no, no. [chuckles]
Let's not be hasty.
[sputters]
I was just joking.
I don't want to ruin
the surprise.
And... And trust me,
the headliner will make
serious headlines. [chuckles]
[heads]
♪ You 'bout that lifestyle ♪
- [groans]
- ♪ Lifestyle, lifestyle ♪
♪ Lifestyle ♪
[owl hooting]
[Gomez] It was
the dead of night.
- The witching hour.
- [disembodied cackling]
The wolf howled.
[howling]
And then she heard
a scratching at the door.
Scratch,
scratch,
scratch.
She slowly opened it to reveal
a puppy!
- [gasps]
- And around its neck
was a bow!
[screams]
- Mm. Gomez.
- [laughing]
You remember when I first
told you that one, Pugsley?
You must've been
two months old.
Oh, you'd scream and scream
until you wet yourself.
Some things never change.
She's not back yet.
She said
she wanted to be alone,
but how long does that take?
- [Kitty growls]
- There she is.
How did it go out there,
Wednesday?
[Gomez] Did Kitty do
his business?
Indeed.
- [Pugsley groans] Ew!
- Come, come. Join us.
We were just telling stories
of when Pugsley was born.
He kept us up all night,
howling. [chuckles]
Wednesday,
you were the opposite.
I've never heard of a baby
being completely
silent before.
- [Pugsley groans]
- Ah, yes,
I remember the night
Wednesday was born.
It was a Tuesday.
All tucked in tight
in the hospital nursery.
She was silent as a jellyfish.
Even when all the other
little babies started bawling.
[chuckles] What do you mean?
Oh, I never
told you this story?
Start talking.
[Fester] Well, I was looking
for a bathroom
because I'd eaten all
of the patients' pudding
that they left behind,
when I took a wrong turn
into the hospital nursery.
- [music playing on speakers]
- ♪ I'd tip my hat to you ♪
- ♪ I'd do just that ♪
- [babies wailing]
[music stops]
[Fester] And that's when
I spotted her.
I just wanted to get a
better look at my new niece.
But a bunch
of the babies started
wailing their heads off.
So, I remembered the age-old
Addams family nursery trick.
[Fester grunting]
[babies continue wailing]
[grunts]
And sure enough,
they all fell asleep.
[coos]
And I put all the babies back
where I found them.
I think.
- Pretty sure.
- [grunts]
[chuckles]
- Kitty needs a walk.
- Right away.
[Wednesday]
But I just walked...
[Morticia] Fester,
you're in charge.
[Fester] I wonder if I could
juggle actual children.
Wednesday, Pugsley,
bring it in, let's find out.
You never know until you try.
- [Pugsley laughing]
- And if one of you
falls on your head,
well, lesson learned.
Hard to believe women don't
want to talk to either of you.
[Morticia] Gomez,
what if what that lawyer said is true?
These people
are not going to give up.
They'll keep coming
until they take her away.
Let him come!
They shall know us
by our trail of dead.
[Morticia] Ugh.
That's your answer to everything.
[sighs] I only wish
I did have the answer
for it, querida.
[gasps]
Tish! That's it.
I may not have the answer,
but I know someone who will.
[Morticia] I hope so.
Whatever we do,
we can't let Wednesday find out
she might not be our daughter.
Could it be true?
Could I have been misplaced
in my infancy?
Grown up with a delusion
that I am one person,
when in fact, I am someone
completely different.
Now this is the origin story
an innovator like me deserves.
It would make a fascinating
first chapter in my memoir.
Can you imagine?
[gurgling]
[Gomez] Come on, kids!
Up and Addams!
Thing, head south.
What we need is a little
old-fashioned Addams fun!
Ha-ha!
[thunder crashes]
[man ] I got it. Oh!
There we go.
[man ] Oh, dude!
Hey, freak!
- Pass it back!
- [chuckles]
I'm not a freak.
I'm a force of nature.
Some force of nature.
- So weak.
- [device hums]
[gasps]
Guys, you see this?
- What's going on? what Is it?
- [Latin hip-hop music playing]
[groans]
[both groaning]
♪ I only hang with the family
'Cause nobody can handle me ♪
♪ Try to act like I'm scary Because
I'm somethin' They never seen ♪
[Kitty grunts]
♪ My whole room like a vanity
I'm in love with myself ♪
♪ But they can't touch me
When I'm feelin' myself ♪
[singing in Spanish]
Oh, my.
It looks like
some unfortunate soul
has dropped a small fortune
in the sand.
That's mine! [grunts]
[groaning]
♪ I've been around
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ With other girls
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- Lame!
- [all laughing]
[sighs] It looks like we need
to go over Chapter ,
"How to be Repulsive
and Impress Girls."
I'll be right back.
I gotta go use the bathroom.
♪ Wherever we are
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Feels like home
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Love that crazy baby ♪
- [Lurch groans]
- ♪ Shake it ♪
[singing in Spanish]
♪ Wherever we are
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Feels like home
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
[woman snickers]
[gasps, screams]
Shark! Shark!
[all screaming]
[kids crying]
[woman] Run for your lives!
Hyah! See?
Now that's how
you attract attention.
[airhorn toots]
[hip-hop music playing]
Ah! There he is.
The man we came to see.
[engine accelerating]
[hip-hop music continues]
♪ What do ladies say?
Ladies, what do ladies say? ♪
♪ Ladies, what do ladies say? ♪
♪ "Yeah, Dogg
We got your back" ♪
♪ What my homies say, homies? ♪
♪ Where the gangstas at? ♪
♪ Gangsta bored, gangsta say ♪
♪ "Yeah, Dogg
We got your back" ♪
♪ We own it like we want it
We b*at it till we b*at it ♪
♪ And only you can give it to
us 'Cause you know we need it ♪
[Gomez] It!
Good to see you,
my bewhiskered cousin.
- You made it.
- [babbling]
Mm. It's in Florida
for spring break.
Ghouls Gone Wild, am I right?
[laughs]
He's going to join us
on our trip.
Hold on.
He's coming in the camper?
We're cramped enough as it is.
And he sheds, Morticia.
Oh, Fester, he's family.
The more the hairier.
[Fester] Well, if he's allowed
on the couch, then so am I!
- [folk music playing]
- [snoring]
- [thud]
- [Pugsley groans]
[mumbling] No, no, no!
I said cut the red wire.
[grunts]
I can't believe Taylor Swift
wants to date me.
[chuckles] Me.
Make sure to close the door
when you go into outer space.
[groans]
Yes, Beyonce,
I would love to share my ham with you.
[on speakers]
♪ With a load of iron ore ♪
- ♪ , tons more ♪
- [moaning softly]
♪ Than the Edmund Fitzgerald
Weighed empty ♪
♪ That good ship and true
Was a bone to be chewed ♪
[distorting] ♪ When the gales
Of November came early ♪
♪ The ship was the pride ♪
- ♪ Of the American side ♪
- [car horn blares]
♪ Coming back from some mill
In Wisconsin ♪
[slurping]
♪ As the big freighters go
It was bigger than most ♪
- [folk music stops]
- ♪ One, two, three, go ♪
["Deleter" playing on speakers]
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ No, no, no, no ♪
[vocalizing]
♪ All this time
I thought you were a leader ♪
♪ It turns out
You're only a deleter ♪
[It babbling]
[It yelps]
[retching]
[gags]
- [It babbling]
- [retches]
Morticia, I told you so.
There's hairballs everywhere.
[It babbling]
[Fester] Yeah, and the same
to you, fuzzface.
[It babbling]
How could you tell?
[babbling]
Did it ever bother you
that you were so different
from the rest of the family?
[babbling]
A rebellious phase?
[babbling]
You shaved your entire body
as a teenager?
[babbling]
Oh. So that's what changed.
You owned who you were.
[babbling]
That's the problem.
I don't know who I am.
[ringtone playing]
♪ Drop it like it's hot ♪
♪ Drop it like it's hot ♪
- [babbling]
- [Grandma] Get over here ASAP.
I went too far this time
and things are getting hairy!
No offense.
- Let's do this!
- [growls]
- [horn blares]
- [Mr. Mustela screams]
It's that lawyer, Gomez.
He's found us again.
He wants what we have.
Well, he won't get her.
- [Pugsley chomping]
- Good, Pugsley.
Right this way.
How about a fun
family travel game?
Everyone around the table.
[Wednesday] Ugh.
- [engine revving]
- [Mr. Mustela yelping]
[whimpering]
- [yelps]
- [Pongo growls]
[tires screeching]
[growls]
[Mr. Mustela grunts]
So, what shall we play?
How about Punch Buggy?
Punch...
- [Mr. Mustela yelps]
- ...buggy.
[both grunting]
[Mr. Mustela yelps]
- [screams]
- [Pongo growls]
[manure squelches]
[cow moos]
We need to step on it.
And we'll need a place
to hide.
I have just the place,
querida.
- Thing, turn here.
- [tires screech]
[Fester] Look out!
[both yell]
[horns blaring]
You sure this is
the right place, Pop?
Yes, son.
The Alamo.
You can sense that many
lives were lost here.
Let us take a moment
to pay our respects.
- [engine roaring]
- [horn beeps]
[gasps] Okay. Enough respect.
Everyone in!
- [doorbell tinkles]
- [gasps]
Look at y'all's costumes!
[Lurch groaning]
You guys are a little early
for the Halloween pageant.
Today, we're on the hunt for our
next Little Miss Jalapeno Pepper.
[country music playing
on speakers]
[muffled knocking]
[Mr. Mustela] Hello?
Wednesday!
- [Gomez gasps]
- Wednesday Addams!
Are you in there? Hello?
[in Southern accent]
Well, burn my biscuits.
This here's
our little tumbleweed.
And she's a-fixin' to be
the Lone Star
- of this here rodeo!
- What?
Well, in that case,
we better get you
all gussied up, hon.
Father, this will not
end well for you.
- [Mr. Mustela] Wednesday!
- [knocking continues]
- [Kitty growls]
- [Mr. Mustela exclaims]
Gomez, what are you doing?
[in normal voice]
Just follow my lead.
[in Southern accent]
Howdy. We're oil tycoons.
Oil tycoons? How can I...
Eesh!
We're a-fixin'
to find ourselves
some fancy new Texas threads.
Will this be enough
to cover it?
[bell dings]
- [gasps] Mm.
- [indistinct chatter]
- [spray hissing]
- [girl giggles]
[girl ] Yeah! Check it out!
[woman] Now just hold still,
sweetie.
[girl ] Make it tighter.
[girl ] Hi.
What's your talent?
I can read minds.
[scoffs] No, you can't.
Yes, I can.
[girl gasps]
This isn't really happening.
It is really happening.
[girl ] Think of a number.
Uh, number seven.
- Seven.
- [gasps]
- Uh, purple.
- Purple.
My worst nightmare.
Hippopotamus riding a bicycle.
What's your name?
- Wednesday, what's yours?
- I don't wanna tell you.
[in deep voice] Hello, Peggy.
[screaming]
[in normal voice] I know.
Just give me
the trophy already.
[audience murmuring]
[Fester imitates
horse neighing, giggles]
I look like Uncle Sam
threw up all over me.
Very good, Pugsley.
Blend in.
If you have to interact
with any of the locals,
remember, they're more afraid
of you than you are of them.
[gasps]
[It babbles]
- [boy shudders]
- Oh, my word!
These are
the perfect disguises.
It's like we're invisible.
[chuckles]
[audience applauding]
[cheerful piano music playing]
[Wednesday grunts]
[breathing heavily]
We're dead, Gomez.
♪ Are my ribbons tied? ♪
- [Wednesday gasps]
- ♪ Is my hair in place? ♪
♪ Have I got a cute expression
On my face? ♪
♪ Are my shoes all shined? ♪
♪ I try to keep in line ♪
♪ When I'm dancing
In the show tonight ♪
♪ Does my shuffle-step
Really look so good? ♪
[Pongo growls]
♪ Am I doing it the way
You think I should? ♪
♪ Would it be amiss
If I blew a kiss? ♪
♪ When I'm dancing
In the show tonight ♪
Ah. The only girls I see here
are perfectly normal.
♪ Showtime now
Is getting nearer ♪
♪ And I'm getting scared ♪
[Wednesday yelps, grunts]
♪ Wish I could see
In the mirror ♪
- Ugh!
- ♪ If I'm all prepared ♪
♪ First you take a step ♪
- ♪ Then you point your toe ♪
- [Wednesday grunting]
♪ Hope I know it
Like I did a week ago ♪
♪ Am I standing straight? ♪
♪ I can hardly wait ♪
♪ Till I'm dancing
In the show tonight ♪
[girls screaming]
[girls continue screaming]
- Brava! Bravissima!
- [Fester cheering]
Hear, hear! Bella!
There she is!
[gasps]
[in Southern accent]
Hey, y'all!
That man right there is one of the
top talent agents in the world!
[shouting excitedly
in Spanish]
[Mr. Mustela yells and grunts]
- [girl] What?
- [all screaming]
[bell jingling]
[drawn out] You rang?
Quick, Lurch.
- Grab Wednesday.
- [grunts]
[people yelping]
[imitates horse neighing,
giggles]
[Mr. Mustela] Help!
Pongo!
- [Fester grunting]
- [Pugsley yelps]
[Fester] Hello. Hi.
[tires screeching]
[grunts] I'll find you,
Wednesday Addams!
You have traumatized me
beyond all recognition.
She looks the same to me.
Who is that man?
I know he's not
a talent agent.
He's the same man
who came to the house.
You're right. [sighs]
You're far too clever for us to
pull the wool over your eyes.
That man
- is a door-to-door salesman.
- Gomez.
And what is he selling?
Uh... Tupperware?
Knives? Makeup.
Uh... Uh, frozen steaks.
Life insurance for cows.
Uh, they need it.
The steak industry
is, oh, brutal.
Okay.
If that's the way
you want to play it.
I'm going to go give
Pugsley a haircut.
I think he's taking a nap.
[Wednesday] Exactly.
That was easy.
["Lonesome Loser"
playing on speaker]
♪ You can't run and hide ♪
♪ Have you heard
About the lonesome loser? ♪
♪ Beaten by the queen of hearts
Every time ♪
[Lurch groans]
I'm not sure
Wednesday believed us.
I'm sure she would have said
something if she didn't.
If there's one thing we can count
on Wednesday for, it's honesty.
She certainly lets me know
when I'm embarrassing her
or hovering
- or being uncool.
- [metal clicks]
[It babbling]
Children are like socks
in the laundry?
They need to be lost
in order to be found?
That's brilliant!
Yes.
We should find a place,
lie low for a while,
and this whole thing
will just blow over.
Lurch, old boy, top it off.
We have places to be.
[song continues
on speaker]
[Lurch groaning]
[truck driver screaming]
[gasping]
[blasting]
[yawns and grunts]
Where's Kitty?
He needs a walk.
He's asleep.
He and It hit the catnip
pretty hard last night.
[hip-hop music playing
on speaker]
♪ What chu need?
I got a hookup on the plug ♪
[Fester] Ooh!
Uh-oh.
Yeah, I finally
got off diapers,
so this is gonna happen.
Gotta go clean myself up.
- [people gasping]
- Pardon me.
Gomez,
have you noticed changes
in Fester's body lately?
Hmm. Puberty?
[panting]
[groans]
[grunting]
[straining]
Huh? [grunts]
Oh!
[groans] Huh?
Ow!
Oh!
Huh? [screams]
- [Fester grunting]
- [tentacles slapping]
[Fester] A little privacy,
please. [groans]
[Pugsley blows raspberry]
[Pugsley] This doesn't look
so grand to me.
[Wednesday sighs]
The sheer emptiness.
Cavernous abyss
of absolutely nothing.
The vertigo.
Intoxicating.
[Gomez] It's just us,
the captivating beauty
of the great American outdoors
and the wonderful
sound of silence.
[jet whooshing]
Pugsley,
what do I keep saying?
Amazon Prime is not a toy.
[tires screeching]
[muffled hip-hop music
playing]
[babbling]
[Gomez] Oh, it's for you. Huh.
Well, do you really have
to leave us so soon, cousin?
Where are you headed?
[babbling]
I see. Top-secret gig.
Tell that Billie Eilish she's a
little too sunny for my taste.
But I'm still a fan.
[It babbling]
[continues babbling]
Why didn't I get dating advice
from him?
[It babbling]
I have something for you.
[Wednesday] A tiny coffin.
I fear I shall have trouble
getting Pugsley in here.
[chuckles softly] No.
Open it.
Your grandmother gave me this
necklace on my wedding day.
It has been handed down
through generations
of Addams women.
It is a part of every Addams.
Just as you are.
[thunder rumbles]
Are you sure
this belongs to me?
Of course, Wednesday.
Who else would it belong to?
Never mind.
Thanks for the trinket,
Mother.
Fire in the hole!
[people screaming]
Madison,
would you do me the honor...
Now, that's grand.
What was it you were saying
about laying low, darling?
Hey!
No more personal electronic
devices on this trip.
Saddle up, Addams!
[distant screaming]
[gasps]
[bats squeaking]
[sighs]
[twig snaps]
[yelps, screaming]
[groans]
[whimpering]
You scurried fast,
little weasel.
Please! Let me up!
Where's your comically
large companion?
That big ape ran out on me
at the Alamo.
Please!
I'll tell you everything.
- [whimpers]
- I'm listening.
[ringtone playing]
♪ Who can it be now? ♪
[Mr. Mustela] Oh!
♪ Who can it be now? ♪
Mustela,
have you found the girl or...
Ah.
You got the drop on him.
Mr. Strange.
Please, call me Cyrus.
Mr. Strange will suffice.
What is this all about?
It's about you, Wednesday.
My wife and I were separated
from our true daughter
on the night of her birth.
I never gave up
trying to find her.
I searched and searched
for years,
and then, suddenly,
there I was,
standing on that stage.
Looking right at you.
In that moment,
I knew that you were
my long lost child.
The physical similarities.
The brilliant scientific mind.
I did some digging.
You were born
at the same hospital,
the same day
as the girl we've raised.
And as if meant to be,
your name, Wednesday,
is from my favorite poem.
"Wednesday's child is..."
"Full of woe."
I was named after that poem.
I live by it.
I think we owe it to ourselves
to get to the bottom of this,
Wednesday.
Why don't you come to my
home in Sausalito? We can...
Not so fast.
I have further research to
conduct to verify your claim.
Of course.
I would expect nothing less.
By the way, what did you do
with Mr. Mustela?
[Wednesday] Oh.
- I let him go.
- [cell phone beeps]
[growling softly]
[wind whistling]
[Gomez snoring softly]
[Gomez chuckling, grunts]
[groans]
[grunts]
[moaning]
[grunts, coughs]
[moans and snores]
[both grunting]
Tish. You minx.
[Gomez chuckles]
Let's settle this.
It's all true.
The facts before me prove
beyond a reasonable doubt
that I am not an Addams.
That means there's
only one logical choice.
Don't you agree?
[Lurch groans]
[Morticia] Wednesday, dear.
Come along, sleepyhead.
Why, it's easier
to wake the dead
than to wake you, my little...
[muffled grunting]
[muffled] Hi, Mom.
[Pugsley] "Dear Addams family,
As you may have noticed,
our family dynamic
has been off-base lately.
I have been ruminating on
and questioning
the reason for this,
but a new revelation has
resolved this doubt for me.
I was the discordant note..."
[Wednesday]
"I was the discordant note
that can never resolve
into harmony.
And the reason I could never
truly relate to any of you
is simple.
I am not your relative.
I have no recourse
but to leave for good
and make my way
toward the truth.
Do not attempt to follow me."
Wait.
Wednesday's not an Addams?
I'm the only real
Addams child?
That's awesome!
Too soon, Pugsley.
Too soon.
- [cleaver thuds]
- What does she mean,
"making her way
toward the truth"?
Is this about
the hospital thing
that was totally
not a big deal?
- This is all my fault.
- [Pugsley gasps]
[sighs] If she had
just felt closer to me,
maybe this wouldn't
have happened.
Thing! I need a Bloody Mary.
Make it a double.
[Fester] He's in the shower.
♪ La-di-di, la-di-da ♪
Don't forget to clean
behind your knuckles.
[birds chirping]
[Wednesday]
Lurch, I can see you.
[Lurch grunts softly]
Obviously,
I have failed in my duty
as your lurking advisor.
[Lurch groans]
I really don't know
how to answer that.
But what I do know is that you
should go back to your family.
It's time for me to find mine.
[groans lowly]
I guess that's true.
You're not an Addams either.
[sighs] How very sad that is.
[Lurch moans]
Much better, Lurch.
It appears I taught you well,
after all.
Like the Donner party
before us,
we travel to California
to fulfil our destiny
and eat what we must
along the way.
Let us conquer the Golden West
or die trying.
Lurch,
- to Sausalito!
- [crows cawing]
Thing, to Sausalito!
If we leave now,
we can catch up.
Then we'll return home,
kidnap the necessary witnesses
and snuff out
any remaining doubt
that Wednesday is one of us.
I love it when
your murderous
maternal instincts kick in!
We're back
in the parenting business!
Come along, Addams.
Let's bring Wednesday
back to her family.
Ahem. Fester, your tentacles
are hanging out.
I thought I felt a draft.
Just don't kick 'em.
They're very sensitive.
[spider hisses]
[Wednesday] All of those
do sound like great options,
but which one
is the road to Sausalito?
["Ace of Spades" playing]
[engines roaring]
♪ If you like to gamble ♪
♪ I tell you I'm your man ♪
♪ You win some, lose some
It's all the same to me ♪
- [tires screeching]
- Out of my way, Hightower!
♪ Seven or eleven ♪
♪ Snake eyes watching you ♪
Look, Lurch.
Aggressive people who use
loud noises and fast rides
to distract themselves
from their childhood trauma.
Just what we need.
♪ Take one look and die ♪
[bikers laughing]
♪ The only thing you see ♪
♪ You know it's gonna be
The Ace of Spades ♪
- [man chuckles]
- ♪ The Ace of Spades ♪
[man grunts]
[door creaking]
- [both grunt]
- [man] Hmm.
Huh?
[door shuts]
[growls]
[Ronny] Hey!
Ain't you the guy that almost
ran my bike off the road?
And you must be Miss Lurleen?
[all gasp]
[growls]
Excuse me?
Ah. It seems I have offended
two people at once.
How fortuitous.
- [bikers] Huh?
- [Miss Lurleen sighs]
That was an insult too!
- [bikers gasp]
- [growls]
I'm afraid you gentlemen
have made a grave error.
Lurch, show these cretins
what your cold,
dead hands are capable of.
[Lurch] Mm-hmm.
[piano playing]
[singing in high-pitched voice]
♪ First I was afraid ♪
♪ I was petrified ♪
♪ Kept thinking I could never
Live without you by my side ♪
I should've been
more specific.
[Lurch] ♪ But then
I spent so many nights ♪
♪ Thinking
How you did me wrong ♪
♪ And I grew strong ♪
♪ And I learned
How to get along ♪
[groans]
- ♪ And so you're back ♪
- [gasps]
- [disco music playing]
- ♪ From outer space ♪
♪ I just walked in
To find you here ♪
♪ With that sad look
Upon your face ♪
♪ I should've changed
That stupid lock ♪
♪ I should've made you
Leave your key ♪
♪ If I'd known
For just one second ♪
♪ You'd be back to bother me ♪
♪ Go on now, go ♪
♪ Walk out the door ♪
♪ Just turn around now ♪
♪ 'Cause you're not
Welcome anymore ♪
♪ Weren't you the one who tried
To hurt me with goodbye? ♪
♪ Did you think I'd crumble? ♪
♪ Did you think
I'd lay down and die? ♪
♪ Oh, no, not I ♪
♪ I will survive ♪
♪ Oh, as long as I know
How to love ♪
♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪
♪ I've got all my life to live
I've got all my love to give ♪
♪ And I'll survive
I will survive ♪
All I wanted
was a violent roadhouse melee
before hitching
a ride to Sausalito.
Was that too much to ask?
Sausalito?
That's exactly
where we're headed.
It's the annual
Hug-A-Biker retreat
where we deal
with our childhood trauma.
I am good.
[laughs]
Bring it in, little lady.
I accept your offer of a ride.
But if you don't mind,
I will respectfully
decline the hug.
I've been social
distancing since birth.
[laughs]
♪ I will survive ♪
♪ Oh, as long as I know
How to love ♪
♪ I know I'll stay alive ♪
♪ I've got
All my life to live ♪
♪ I've got all my love to give
And I'll survive ♪
♪ I will survive ♪
♪ Hey, hey ♪
[disco music continues]
♪ Hey, hey ♪
♪ I will survive ♪
♪ Oh, as long as
I know how to love... ♪
Sayonara, little lady.
Whoo-hoo!
[Wednesday]
It's all Jekyll, no Hyde.
[doorbell blares distortedly]
I feel something, Lurch.
As though anticipation
and unease
birthed some kind of
winged larvae in my stomach.
[groans]
Butterflies? Hmm.
Perhaps my digestive acids
will k*ll them.
[door unlocks]
Wednesday! You're here!
Welcome home.
Oh. I see you brought
a plus-one.
[Lurch groans]
Which is... [clears throat]
fine. Perfectly fine.
Yes. [chuckles nervously]
[takes deep breath]
Right this way.
- [squawks]
- [yells]
[clears throat]
Wednesday, meet my wife.
Ingrid. [chuckles]
Uh, Ingrid has a touch
of laryngitis
and finds it difficult to talk
at the moment. [clears throat]
[girl] Hello.
And this is Ophelia.
Or as we call her,
our little Oaf.
The other...
...me.
- [Ingrid squawks]
- Oh.
Uh, Ingrid, my dear,
why don't you rest for a while
and I'll show
our little Wednesday around.
Let's go see the laboratory.
- [Ingrid squawks]
- Don't look at them.
[door whirring]
Right this way.
[Muzak playing]
Welcome to the future,
Wednesday.
[computers trilling]
What do you think?
Pretty boss, huh?
[Wednesday] You've got a lot
of projects in the works.
Ready, Wednesday?
[grunts]
When I did this DNA test
with Ophelia
and it informed me
that she wasn't my daughter,
I was unsurprised.
Perhaps you can
relate to me on that.
[snickers]
You see what I did there?
I did,
though I generally find puns
to be a lower form of humor.
Hmm.
My real passion
has always been...
human behavior.
[gasps]
What an incredible
coincidence.
Exactly my thought when I saw
your winning experiment.
Although,
if you think about it,
not so coincidental.
Like father, like daughter.
Am I right?
[laughs awkwardly]
We will find out shortly.
And when we receive
the inevitable confirmation,
I hope you'll reconsider
what you told me at the fair.
About how your formula
- was a family secret.
- [computer beeping]
[automated voice]
DNA sequencing complete.
DNA match.
Well, it's all settled.
Done and...
[brakes screech]
- [alarm beeping]
- Great.
It's my fa... Uh...
The Addams family.
[clears throat]
Well, let's go greet them.
[Fester]
You guys go ahead, I...
I'm gonna be going in, uh...
I may be some time.
- [thud]
- [squelching]
[doorbell rings dully]
[door beeps]
[drawn out] You
rang?
- Lurch.
- We're here to rescue Wednesday.
[Wednesday]
Rescue me from what?
[Ingrid squawks]
You!
Cyrus Strange.
Pleased to meet you.
You're the man
from the science fair.
The ghostly apparition.
Huh.
I see you've been reanimated.
And now, you've absconded
with our daughter
and put her in this...
[gags] In...
Wednesday,
what are you wearing?
It's called a turtleneck.
Deceptive name, I know,
but it is both fashionable
and functional, M...
Um, Morticia.
- [gasps]
- [Cyrus] Mr. and Mrs. Addams,
it appears that you are
not Wednesday's parents.
I am.
Enough, you knave!
Mr. Addams,
before you do anything rash,
you might want to see this.
The results conclusively prove
that I am not your daughter.
Where once I was Addams,
now I am Strange.
Zip it, Pugsley.
This can't be true.
[Cyrus] I know this must be
quite a shock for you,
Mr. and Mrs. Addams.
Believe me,
we went through
the same thing with Ophelia.
[mud splashing]
[snorting, grunts]
Wow!
[snorts]
Wednesday,
we're still your family.
And that's why
I'd like to honor
your contributions to my life
with a proper
and respectful goodbye.
Uh, Addams family, I...
I want to say...
[sighs]
It appears I'm not quite
ready to part with them.
Forgive me, Father.
I do forgive you.
Oh, no.
I meant Cyrus.
Come on, Wednesday.
You don't mean this.
Let's just go home.
We can talk about this
in the camper.
I'm sorry, Mr. Addams.
I can't leave with you.
But maybe we can offer you
and Mrs. Addams shelter
for the night?
Then tomorrow
we can say goodbye.
Of course, daughter.
My man will show you
to the guest quarters.
[groans]
["Happy People" playing]
♪ I want him back ♪
♪ Shadows I left ♪
♪ Haunting all the halls
Of our house ♪
[Ingrid squawks]
♪ Never tried to be content ♪
[Morticia]
Something isn't right.
Of course it's not.
I've loved Wednesday
her whole life.
I can't just stop because
a piece of paper says...
Says...
Wow. They really did
a lot in six hours.
♪ With happy people ♪
Oh, Tish.
We've lost our little girl.
♪ I want to be
Like happy people ♪
[Gomez sobbing]
- [Ophelia] Hey!
- Wha...
Come here! [snortles]
[squeals]
I thought my bedroom
was a mess.
This is awesome!
Hey, uh, are you hungry?
I'm always hungry.
[squeals] Check it out.
When my dad's not around,
I don't use forks
or spoons
or anything.
[gasps] Me either!
[both chomping]
It's a lot easier
to just use your face!
Just use your face! [snortles]
Where have you been
all my life?
The farm.
Wait, what did you say?
[squeals]
[screams]
[Morticia] Cyrus Strange is lying.
I'm sure of it.
But how do we prove it
to Wednesday that...
Oh, querida.
It's no use.
Wednesday has gone.
And now, we must do our duty.
We shall raise
the pig girl and...
Pull yourself together,
Gomez.
You're an Addams.
Just as Wednesday is.
Whether it's in her blood
or not.
- [door opens]
- [Pugsley] Mom. Pop.
You have to see this!
[Ingrid clucks, squawks]
- [Ophelia snorts]
- [Ingrid trills]
What happened to these people?
[Pugsley] That's just it!
I... I don't think
they are people.
[Cyrus] Your idiot boy
is right.
[Ingrid yelps]
They're animals
I imbued with human traits.
Pretty neat, huh?
They always revert back to
their original form, though.
So that's why
you wanted Wednesday.
Her experiment
did what you couldn't.
Men. Just can't come out and
ask a woman for help, can you?
You faked that DNA test.
Blah, blah, blah, blah!
Oh, pipe down, Elvira!
That's it! Prepare to meet
Old Deuteronomy!
Mazurka!
[Gomez grunts, coughs]
[groans]
[coughing]
Oh, where are my manners?
I forgot to thank you
for the tip!
- [laughs evilly]
- [Morticia groans]
[body thuds]
I'm good! I'm so good!
[lightning crashes]
So sorry about that.
[clears throat] Where were we?
I have a surprise for you,
Father.
[chuckles excitedly]
Yes. Yes! Of course!
It's so simple. [chuckles]
But... But could it work?
[keypad beeping]
[computer trilling]
[beeps]
You did it!
I knew funding those
science fairs would pay off.
What was that?
Uh... Nothing.
I have a surprise for you
as well, Wednesday.
[door opening]
They can be
our first test subjects.
What have you done?
I've got all manner
of diabolical DNA
in these test tubes.
You can isolate
the Addams' annoying habits
and we'll replace them
with ones you want.
But why?
I saw you trying
to delay their departure.
This way,
you can keep them around.
I need my little protege
to be happy
and focused on her work.
This is important stuff
we are doing, Wednesday.
[laughs]
World-changing!
"World-changing"?
If you could control people,
Imbue them with the strength and
ferocity of any animal on earth?
Imagine who would pay
for that!
The m*llitary,
foreign governments,
call centers.
They'd all want unstoppable
hybrid m*rder machines
programmed down
to the cellular level!
Imagine how rich
and famous we'll become!
All thanks to your experiment!
[laughing maniacally]
But I only meant to show
how my Uncle Fester's
intellect could be improved.
And now you get to improve
the rest of your ex-family.
[Cyrus laughs wickedly]
[Wednesday] But they
don't need improving.
They're fine as they are.
Except for maybe Pugsley.
But I'm the one who was
looking for change,
not them.
But this way, you'll never
have to feel different
from anyone in your family
ever again, little boo-boo.
[alarm blaring]
[system trilling, chimes]
[liquid bubbling]
Here you are, Wednesday.
You do the honors.
[system beeping]
I won't!
Even though you are
biologically my father,
these people
are still my family.
The Addams family.
Fine. If you can't
pull the trigger, I'll do it!
[buzzes]
[powering up]
[laughs evilly]
[Cyrus laughing maniacally]
I'm disappointed in you,
Wednesday.
But it appears you're just a silly
little girl playing with science.
[laughs maliciously]
Turn off the machine,
Mr. Strange.
I won't ask you again.
[lightning crashes]
[Cyrus] Aw!
Is little lady threatening me?
That depends.
Do you have a piano nearby?
Why would I have a piano
in a laboratory?
In that case, Lurch...
[Lurch growls]
...show this cretin
what your cold,
- dead hands are capable of.
- [Cyrus chuckles]
You think you're the only one
with a brainless
Neanderthal bodyguard?
[laughing wickedly]
- [growling]
- k*ll, Pongo. k*ll!
[growls]
[roars]
Oh, this is gonna be rich!
[Lurch moaning]
What?
[both roar]
Eh! No! Pongo, you imbecile!
I command you,
you protect me.
You're wasting your breath.
You see, Pongo and Lurch
are former cellmates
at the asylum
where Lurch was held c*ptive
before my parents found him.
Back in Texas,
Pongo told Lurch that he
suspected I was in danger.
- I didn't believe it then.
- [Cyrus] Pongo, Pongo.
Bad boy, Pongo.
Bad boy.
I was wrong.
- [Pongo growls]
- No! No!
That's gonna leave a mark.
Unhand me! [screams]
Stop! I had a big breakfast.
Don't make me
puke up my pancakes!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
[Cyrus yells]
[Cyrus grunting and groaning]
- [growling]
- [Cyrus whimpering]
[screaming]
[electricity crackles]
[groans]
[gasping]
[Cyrus gurgling and choking]
Mother, Father,
are you all right?
Yes, yes.
Fortunately, we escaped
with no fatal wounds.
Even Pugsley?
Even Pugsley.
Oh, well. Maybe next time.
Wait, what?
[muffled bleating, squawking]
[muffled squawk, grunting]
[roars]
[laughs maliciously]
How very...
[squawks] touching.
[bleats]
My real daughter would know
that sentimentality...
[clucking]
is the antithesis of science.
- That's right.
- [gasps]
I lied about the DNA...
[snorting]
- re... re...
- [gasps]
...results.
- [bleats]
- [Gomez grunts]
I really should thank you,
Wednesday.
- [elevator whirring]
- You've uncaged me.
[snorting]
But your foul play
is no longer amusing to me.
So, I think
I'll exterminate you.
[Lurch and Pongo groan]
And your entire...
[clucking] family!
[grunting]
Get ready to cry uncle!
[Cyrus roars]
[groaning]
[Pugsley] Ahh!
[groaning]
[burbles, grunts]
- [growls]
- [Fester grunting]
[Gomez] Incoming!
[Pugsley grunts]
Ophelia!
[Cyrus squawks]
[Fester groans]
- [Cyrus groans]
- [Ingrid squawks]
[squealing]
[whimpering]
[grunts, gasps]
[roaring]
[whimpers]
[Gomez] Oh, yeah!
That's it! You got him!
[Cyrus] No!
[Gomez] Get him, Fester!
Ink him! Ink him, baby!
Everybody, run!
[Cyrus whimpering]
[Cyrus yells]
[Cyrus squawks]
[grunting weakly]
[groaning]
[sighs exhaustedly]
Madison, would you
do me the honor...
[distant mooing]
[Madison straining]
Yes, I'll marry you.
[Fester rumbling weakly]
Uncle Fester.
He's dying.
And it's all my fault.
Oh, Wednesday.
[Wednesday sighs]
Mother, when you said
this necklace
was a part of every Addams,
what did you mean?
It contains a drop of blood from
every Addams born into the family.
Your father, Pugsley, you...
And Uncle Fester.
Your little Addams
DNA cocktail here
might just save the day.
Lurch!
[groans]
[system powering up]
[dings]
Bottoms up, Uncle Fester.
[Fester groaning]
Whoa!
[continues groaning]
[continues groaning]
[Morticia gasps]
[burps]
[sighs] Did I win?
Yes.
- Yes, you did, Uncle Fester.
- [chuckles]
Oh, and, Pugsley,
it looks like Ophelia
is feeling better too.
[gasps]
[both chuckle excitedly]
Mother, Father, I'm sorry.
I didn't want to be an Addams.
I struggled
with feeling different.
But now,
I realize that being different
is the most
Addams-y thing there is.
"Different"
is what the extra "D"
in "Addams" stands for.
I always thought
it stood for "dismemberment."
Can you forgive me?
Wednesday,
you are and always
will be our little ghoul.
We love you.
Thank you, Mother.
The feeling is mutual.
And, Father...
Yes, my little raven?
I have something for you.
Come on, Addams family.
Let's go home.
- [Fester chuckles]
- [Lurch groans]
[electronic dance music
playing]
[excited shouting]
Gruesome.
Mmm! And fragrant.
- [glass shatters]
- [people whooping]
- [all exclaim excitedly]
- Yeah! Awesome!
Now, look, look, look.
All I did was invite
a few people over
and things got
a little bit out of hand.
Yes, there were a few
injuries, but the EMT is here.
They're having
a wonderful time.
What a lovely
homecoming present.
Oh. [chuckles nervously]
Welcome home! [laughs]
[crowd cheering]
[hip-hop music playing]
[cackles] I thought
you'd never get here.
[babbling]
Oh, my goodness! [shrieks]
Let's light it up, hairball!
[babbles]
♪ You know I never left ♪
♪ That's how
I brought it back ♪
♪ But what I wanna know
Is where the party at ♪
♪ I came a long way to get
These people out they seat ♪
♪ Now I need y'all
To clap your hands ♪
♪ To the b*at
And have a good time ♪
♪ Don't be acting like that ♪
♪ We got it crackin'
In the back ♪
♪ Oh, yeah, it's lit ♪
♪ My brand-new outfit ♪
♪ The one to get
The party started ♪
♪ Plugged and wet
Gloves and mitt, club is lit ♪
♪ Kind of the one
One of a kind ♪
♪ It's Cousin It ♪
♪ He's the host with the most ♪
♪ I wanna give a toast
To the wild, wild West Coast ♪
♪ Now if you're
Feeling like a villain ♪
♪ Say, "Yeah, yeah" ♪
♪ Snoop Dogg is in the house
And he's a playa, playa ♪
♪ And all the ladies
In the house ♪
♪ Say, "Oh, yeah" ♪
♪ We're family for sure
In case you didn't know ♪
♪ It ain't nothin' going on ♪
We love you, It!
I still don't understand
a word that guy says.
[Ophelia and Pugsley laughing]
Yeah!
Didn't I tell you this trip would
bring the family closer together?
You're a wonderful father,
darling.
There's one thing
that's still troubling me.
Cyrus lied
about being my father,
but when I tested your hair
at the Grand Canyon,
it said conclusively that you
were not my father either.
Ah, that explains it.
I suffered a little accident
with a napalm experiment
a few years back
and lost my beautiful,
beautiful hair.
[splutters]
Had it replaced
with real Sasquatch fur.
I assure you, Wednesday,
I am your father.
Now and always.
[gasps and groans]
I already hugged you once,
Father.
That's quite enough affection
for a lifetime.
[Gomez laughs]
Well, Addams,
time to start planning
the next family vacation.
Maybe a trip around the world?
What do you say?
[theme music playing]
[projector whirring]
[singing]
["Mi Familia" (Serrano Remix)
playing]
♪ Ay, I'm finna pull up
In that creepy, crawly ♪
♪ All black Bugatti ♪
♪ Bag full of money
But it's looking like a body ♪
♪ Weird but I'm wonderful
Crazy but I'm confident ♪
♪ I could find a brighter side
To any name they hit me with ♪
♪ I'm in that all black
I think I'm all that ♪
♪ I rock designer They don't
know how To pronounce that ♪
♪ And I don't trip when I fall
'Cause I bounce back ♪
♪ And I be rolling with
My clique like a mousepad ♪
[singing in Spanish]
♪ We slide we creep
All down your street ♪
♪ They say we're freaks
I'm sayin' they're with me ♪
- ♪ We so unique ♪
- ♪ So unique ♪
♪ We all black sheep ♪
♪ We're one big crazy family
Cha cha cha ♪
[singing in Spanish]
♪ I only hang with the family
'Cause nobody can handle me ♪
♪ Try to act like I'm scary ♪
♪ Because I'm something
They never seen ♪
♪ My whole room like a vanity
I'm in love with myself ♪
♪ They know
That they can't touch me ♪
♪ When I'm feelin' myself, eh ♪
♪ We slide we creep
All down your street ♪
- ♪ They say we're freaks ♪
- ♪ Loco ♪
♪ I'm sayin' they're with me ♪
- ♪ We so unique ♪
- ♪ So unique ♪
♪ We all black sheep ♪
♪ We're one big crazy family
Cha cha cha ♪
- ♪ Awoo ♪
- ♪ Love that crazy baby ♪
♪ Shake it ♪
[singing in Spanish]
♪ Wherever we are
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Feels like home
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
- ♪ We slide we creep ♪
- ♪ Slide ♪
♪ All down your street ♪
♪ We're one big crazy family
Cha cha cha ♪
♪ I've been around
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Been up and down
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ So glad I know now
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ I'm not alone now
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ No matter where we roam ♪
♪ Don't matter
'Cause we know ♪
♪ Wherever we are
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Feels like home
Yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Eh! ♪
Addams Family 2, The (2021)
Moderator: Maskath3