Bounty Hunter, The

[bunniefuu]

Bounty Hunter, The





Nic?

Nicole!

Holy sh*t.

Did you really think I was gonna stay in there the whole time?

Come back here.

-Bingo.

-Jackpot.

Hey, Sam!

-Hey!

-Yeah, you, you ding-dong.

-Come here.

-Surprise.

-Not now, Dwight.

I'm kind of busy.

-You owe my boss money.

Hey, I owe everybody money.

Hey!

You hit my leg, you dummy.

You really gonna make me chase you?

Excuse me.

Get back here!

Hands behind your head.

Now.

Take it easy, skippy.

I'm on the job.

Oh, wow, look at this.

Bounty hunter.

Figures.

Why don't you get a real job?

Why don't you kiss my ass?

Come here.

Oh, your mother must be very, very proud.

Oh, I'm so insulted.

You know, for your information...

...l don't even know who my mother is.

So joke's on you.

-Turn around.

Hands behind your back.

-What?

You heard me.

Let's go.

Oh, you gotta be kidding me.

-Hey, Gary.

You get my e-mail?

-About the su1c1de, yeah?

He's got a sister in Atlantic City.

Address is on your desk.

-Thank you.

-Anytime.

Day or night.

Very funny.

Who's Mr.

Ed?

I actually think it's sexy that you're out on bail.

-Stewart, get off my desk.

-Right.

Oh, sorry.

l forgot.

Ridiculous that l was even arrested in the first place.

I mean, assaulting an officer?

It's a joke.

Yeah.

Oh, tell me about it.

Been there.

Did you ever get anything going on that su1c1de story?

-No.

-Because know what I was thinking?

Maybe we should work together on it, as a team.

You know?

Woodward-Bernstein styIe.

Yeah.

That way, you can knock it out just that much faster.

Plus, it wouId give us time to reconnect in our relationship.

Stewart, we are not in a reIationship.

We made out one time at the Christmas party.

I was very drunk.

And I was heartbroken.

I would've made out with Terry.

Wait, you mean Terry the guy or Terry the girl?

Exactly.

Really wouldn't have mattered.

You're right.

Because you made out with me.

Yes, l did.

All right, l'm gonna use the bathroom.

-This is Jimmy.

-Jimmy, Nicole from the Daily News.

Nicole?

Long time no talk.

Where you been hiding yourself?

I'm actually hiding in the bathroom at work.

Listen, I need you to ask around about a su1c1de.

A Walter Lilly, Rivington Street...

...the night of June 23rd.

Twenty-three.

Anything eIse?

Yes.

Yes.

l have proof that there was a black SUV...

...with stolen plates parked at the scene.

Might be something.

You never know.

All right.

Cool.

I hear anything, I'll give you a shout.

Okay, great.

Thanks.

Who you talking to?

Stewart.

-What are you doing in the ladies room?

-You see, l wa-- I-- Well, you know, I was standing out front there, by the door.

-But l started to feel creepy.

-And this is less creepy?

Yeah, l think so.

-Get out of here.

-Oh, come on.

Hey, let me buy you a drink.

-I have a date.

-I didn't say what night.

Then l have a date every night.

Every night until the end of time.

Okay?

So just please stop asking me.

Love is so funny.

Isn't it?

-Hi, Ma.

-ls this a bad time?

Well, yeah, I'm actually kind of in the middle of something.

But you know what, while l have you on the phone....

If you were gonna jump off a building...

...would you choose the side with trees?

Or would you choose the side that's a straight sh*t to the cement?

Well, the trees wouId certainly be prettier on the way down.

Kind of a nice last picture.

It might break your fall.

You could end up a vegetable.

-I don't think I could take that on.

-So the cement?

Definitely.

Why do you ask?

I'm on a rooftop at 6th and Rivington.

I was wondering-- Now, you listen here, young lady.

-You have every right to hate your Iife.

-Mom.

Who wouldn't after some of the choices you've made.

-Mom?

-That thing with MiIo-- -Mom.

-What?

I'm working.

I'm gonna call you later.

Well, okay.

Well, just to clarify, you know...

...we aIl make mistakes, but you married a man who made you crazy...

...and divorced him for the same reason.

You just have to-- I'll take the big ugly one.

I do not like getting these phone calls.

I'd bail you out if you ever got in trouble.

But you can't, because you ain't no cop anymore.

And what do you mean, "these calls," huh?

That's the second time you bailed me out.

"These" implies way more than two.

Look, l know that this is a very tough time of the year for you.

What are you talking about?

It's summer.

Who doesn't love summer?

And I am trying to be sensitive to your situation.

What, a guy who works his own hours?

Has his freedom?

Lives the high life?

Have you talked to her?

-Talked to who?

-Katie Couric.

Who do you think?

-Why the hell would I talk to her?

-You know what?

-Maybe I should've left your ass in jail.

-Would you reIax?

I'm fine.

Oh, you're-- No.

You are not fine, okay?

You are a man in pain.

How do you think that makes me feel since I'm the one who set you up?

Well, I guess that makes this whole thing your fault, huh?

Hey.

Where are you?

I toId you to be here half an hour early.

Now I see you.

I'm stiIl leaving you this message to let you know...

...that l hate being your Iawyer and you're k*lling me.

Goodbye.

-HeIlo.

You're late.

-But only fashionably.

Better take this seriously, Miss HurIey.

It's you against the N.Y.P.D.

How can l take this seriously, Arthur?

It's a fender bender.

-Well, we got four minutes.

-Oh, wait, hold on.

I gotta take this.

No.

Four minutes.

This will take one, and then we'll have three.

-HeIlo.

-It's Jimmy.

I got something for you.

Oh, hi.

Great.

Listen, I need to caIl you back in an hour.

Can't wait, NicoIe.

I might aIready be in trouble with this sh*t.

Wha--?

Jimmy, well, I'm kind of in some hot water myself over here.

Dunkin' Donuts, Sunset Park under the BQE.

Half an hour.

Bring cash.

Five hundred, or l'm selling it to somebody else.

-No, Jimmy.

Wait-- -Okay.

Let's go.

Wait.

l have to make one more phone call.

-Nicole.

-Go on in.

I wilI-- I promise, I wilI be right behind you.

When the judge calls your case, you better be sitting right next to me.

And your client is where?

Well, she was here, Your Honour.

And I think she deserves points for that.

I'm sure she'Il be coming through that door any second.

Any second.

Rather than keep the court waiting, if we could set another date.

Counsel, your client's bail is revoked.

A bench warrant is hereby ordered by this court.

Next case.

-Come here.

-Okay.

All right.

Okay.

Get in the car.

And don't move.

g*dd*mn it.

I mean, how many retainers do I have to buy?

-They're twins, for God's sake.

-It's not my fault.

Tell him to borrow his brother's.

Man.

Hey, princess.

You're drooling on my sofa.

You do have an apartment, don't you?

With a bed of some kind?

Teresa should be in any second.

-I suppose you wanna get paid.

-Yep.

WelI, l got him, didn't I?

I said, "They're my kids.

If anyone's gonna take them camping...

...l am," which she took literally, as opposed to the spirit...

-...in which it was said.

-The spirit of bullshit?

-Any plans for the long weekend?

-The usual.

What, getting drunk on cheap whisky and smashing your fist through a wall?

Jealous?

No, I understand.

Fourth of July and alI.

Don't worry.

l'Il get somebody eIse.

-Somebody eIse for what?

-An open bond just came in.

But you know what?

Your thing sounds a lot more fun.

Don't worry about it.

I mean, l'll find somebody else.

Whoa, hold up, Heidi.

I need this gig.

Come on, man, I'm in the hole.

-You're always in the hole.

-What's your point?

My point is I don't know if you're the right person for the job.

This thing could be a disaster.

But you asked for it.

-Is this a joke?

-Nope.

She got arrested?

I don't understand it myself, but all I know is that she skipped bail.

Well, why the hell did you post it?

Hey, I'm a businessman.

I don't have time to wait for you.

All I know is, is that l'm out 50,000...

...if she's not in that courtroom Monday.

You're teIling me that I'll get 5 grand...

...to go pick up my ex-wife and bring her to jail.

You're a good listener.

-Yes.

Yes.

-I take it you're interested?

-Am I interested?

-Oh, God.

Okay.

-You are the best friend...

-All right.

Okay.

-...any guy could ever have.

-Milo.

Cheque.

Okay.

Can I have my gum back?

You know what this is?

This, baby, is karma.

-Are you sure you can handle this?

-Why wouldn't l?

Because it's her, and around her you're not rational.

Sweetheart, I won't even break a sweat.

Oh, sh*t.

Hello, love.

Oh, Jesus.

Oh, God.

Kitty?

I was in the neighbourhood...

...and I had lent her some paintbrushes months ago.

-And she just refuses to-- -Okay, okay, okay.

She didn't show up to court today.

And I think it's because she has a lead on some story.

And I wanna work on it with her as a team because l....

Because I'm kind of hoping it would help solidify...

...our thing.

Are you sleeping with her, Stewart?

-We have a history.

-A history, huh?

Yeah, well, good luck with that.

Don't be such a wuss.

Come on, l'm sorry.

Come on, kitty, kitty, kitty.

-You're not Jimmy.

-Oh, God.

No, I'm not.

-But l'm looking for him.

-Under the chair?

-Maybe you could help me.

-I can't fit under there.

-No-- -Who are you?

-I'm-- I'm his girlfriend.

-You're Lakeisha?

Yeah, that would be me.

Lakeisha.

Named after my Aunt Lakeisha.

-Well, maybe I shouId call the cops.

-No, no, no.

Jimmy's in trouble.

What kind of trouble?

Money trouble?

Drug troubIe?

-I don't-- -Sex-change trouble?

I don't really know.

I just know that he's missing.

Yeah, well, l had a lousy week too.

My cousin Linda fell off the cruise ship.

I'm so sorry.

Well, a grown woman ought to know how to swim.

Yes, l hear you.

Now would you mind if I just took a quick look around...

...just to see if l can find some clue as to where he might be?

Thing is, Stew, she'll make you think she's interested in you.

But really she's only interested in her big hotshot career.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Wait a minute.

Wait, you're Milo.

You're Milo, right?

She talks about you all the time.

-Really?

-Oh, yeah.

Oh, yeah, man, absolutely.

Yeah, she hates you.

Wait, what do you mean?

She hates me?

Oh, yeah.

Big time.

Yeah.

She says-- She says you're, like, the most selfish, immature-- -Wait, l'm seIfish?

-Yeah.

Stubborn.

-I'm immature?

-I don't know.

That's what she says.

You know what?

Forget it.

Okay?

I'm not even gonna dignify that with-- Whatever.

Oh, yeah.

Hey, look, l'm on your team, man.

No, you're not, Geraldo.

I don't allow reporters on my team.

Oh, and for the record, I'm the one who hates her.

Okay?

So just shut up and stop pissing me off.

Okay.

Sorry.

Borgata Hotel, Atlantic City.

How may I direct your call?

Figures.

Run home to Mommy.

What audit?

Jimmy?

You mean the bartender from O'Doul's?

I'm really worried about him.

His car was there.

His window was smashed.

There was something not right.

What was he looking into?

That su1c1de on Rivington a couple of weeks ago.

Something about it just does not add up.

-Why?

What do you got?

-I was at traffic court the other day...

...and I met this guy who swears that his car was parked at JFK...

...the night that he got a ticket on Rivington.

-Stolen plates.

-Yeah, well, that's what I'm thinking.

Look, if I hear anything on the kid I'll let you know, but you...

-...be careful, okay?

-Okay, great.

Bobby, thanks.

More pink, Tony.

Way the hell more pink.

I wanna sparkle with the illusion of youth.

And in a room this small, hell, forget lighting.

We might have to use nerve gas.

Hello, Kitty.

Milo?

Milo, sweetheart.

Come and give your mother-in-law a hug.

A long time.

That's for being a sh*t and for ruining my daughter's life.

-Your daughter's fine.

-Well, then that's for ruining my life.

Come here.

It stiIl kills me, you and Nicole splitting up.

What happened between you devastated her.

-Yeah, devastated her right to the top.

-She has done well, hasn't she?

Listen, Nicky may be a strong, independent woman on the outside...

...but on the inside, she's just a girl wanting to be loved by her man.

I mean, come on.

Such a beautifuI couple...

...and you threw it away.

The grandchildren would have been angeIs.

Not that l wanted grandchildren.

You prick.

I've missed you, Kitty.

I'm gonna pretend l believe you.

I'm looking for your girl.

-I know she called here.

-We were gonna grab a bite.

She blew me off for some interview.

Said she needed to go somewhere to suck up some luck.

Like l'm supposed to know what that means.

-HeIlo.

-Listen, you're in trouble.

-Now, where are you?

-I'm in the city, actually.

No, you're not.

No, you're not.

You're here.

You're at the track.

You're here?

How did you know where l was?

Hello, Nic.

Let's just say Stewart knows what he's doing...

...when it comes to following people.

Hi, Milo.

Fancy meeting you here.

Yeah.

Fancy.

Fancy that.

How are you?

Good.

You?

SweIl.

Beautiful day.

You Iook great.

As beautiful as the day we first met.

This has been grand.

I don't know what you're up to, but I'm working.

Oh, working?

Me too.

I heard you got kicked off the force.

You been checking up on me?

-Nope.

-Concerned about me?

I haven't given you a thought, actually.

Trying to keep some small connection alive between us.

Are you gonna move this leg?

No.

I thought we'd be adults the first time we saw each other after the divorce.

But why would I think that when only one of us is actually an adult?

Like l said, I've been working.

And what l do is I hunt down criminals.

Idiots who jump bail, specificaIly.

-You are a bounty hunter?

-Yep.

And much as it pains me to say this, and it really does...

...l gotta take you to jail.

Oh, God.

All right.

Come on, who put you up to this?

-Somebody at the paper?

-No, just the old State of New York.

-Are you--?

Don't you touch me.

-Shall we?

You really think you're taking me anywhere?

No, not anywhere.

Just jail.

Oh, g*dd*mn it, Milo.

You don't seem to understand.

I am in the middle of something really important.

Tell you what.

You wanna make a break for it...

...l will give you a 1 0-second head start.

-I am an adult, Milo.

I'm-- -Ten.

-Nine.

Eight.

-Do you really think l--?

Seven.

Six.

Five.

Four.

Three.

Two.

One.

Try again.

-God.

-Extra salt, just the way you like it.

-Jesus.

Stewart, no.

-I wanna help.

Let me help.

Please.

Why'd you hang up on me?

Taxi.

Oh, sh*t.

-Get in the car.

-I am not going to jail.

Oh, I beg to differ.

-Oh, what, you're gonna sh**t me?

-Nope.

-I'm gonna sh**t a cab driver.

-No, he's kidd-- He doesn't mean it.

No, I mean it.

Chickenshits!

All right.

Can we just talk about this?

Fine.

What do you wanna say?

I'm not letting you take me to jail.

-DuIy noted.

-And I'm-- Milo.

Oh, my-- You have got to be kidding me.

You have got to be kidding me.

Don't you-- Milo, stop it.

Seriously, put me down.

Milo, g*dd*mn it.

You cannot be putting me in a trunk.

You cannot be seri-- I'm dead "seri." Hey, Mi-- Hey!

Oh, my God.

I'm gonna have a panic att*ck.

Oh, my God.

MiIo!

Milo.

g*dd*mn it!

Open this trunk, Milo.

Right now.

Milo.

Okay.

Okay.

Yeah, l've got a couple of small tats myself.

But l'm still amazed at the level of pain people will go through...

...to make an impression.

Do you know what l mean?

I was just asking around.

Okay?

I swear to God, I don't know anything.

What if I tattoo the word "snitch" on your eyelids?

-Or better yet, "dead snitch." -Look, okay, look.

Look.

All I know is there's this reporter, okay?

And she said something about a car with stolen plates at a su1c1de.

What's her name?

Sid's Bail Bonds.

Guess what I've got in my trunk.

Is that some sort of perverted innuendo?

Who is this?

Oh, come on, Teresa, it's me.

You know it's me.

-Hey, I need to taIk to Sid.

-Yeah, Sid's not available right now.

Last I heard, he was trying to start a fire with two sticks and pure rage.

Just teIl him that I got her, all right?

l'm bringing her in.

I'll be back in two hours, and l want a bonus for bringing her in so quick.

Well, I want a bonus for getting through the week without stabbing somebody.

Week's not over yet.

I got another call.

Yeah, l gotta go too.

Very busy.

Bye-bye.

This is Milo.

I'm sorry, but I'm not in at the moment to take your caIl.

Milo, get me out of the trunk.

Please.

Nope.

Oh, by the way, your boyfriend Stewart's been following me.

-He is not my boyfriend.

-Well, he seems to think he is.

Well, I remember a time I thought you were quite the catch...

-...and that didn't pan out, either.

-He doesn't really seem your type.

Listen.

Okay, Milo, please.

Please.

I shouldn't have run.

That was-- Look, you caught me off-guard.

To tell you the truth, I think l realIy need your advice about something.

That's a real shame...

...because I wouldn't help you if you were the last baby sea turtIe...

...dragging your tiny littIe body across the burning sand...

...whiIst hungry seagulls circled overhead.

Nope, I'd just pull up a chair...

...sip a pia colada, and watch nature take its course.

-HeIlo?

-You stop.

Hello?

Nic?

Nicole?

What?

Hey, remember how we used to be in love?

Yeah.

Well, that means I know when you're crying for real...

...and when you're faking it.

Bye-bye.

What?

God, Milo!

-Do you hear the tone of my voice?

-Oh, God.

So good.

Milo!

Oh, sh**t.

MiIo?

Milo?

Hello, NicoIe Hurley.

Hey, hey, it's me.

Jimmy.

Jimmy.

Oh, my God.

Oh, my God, Jimmy, I thought you were dead.

Where are you?

I've Ieft you like 40 messages.

Yeah, sorry.

My phone ran out.

Listen, about this story-- Jimmy.

What happened at Dunkin' Donuts?

Oh, nothing.

My friend showed up, and he needed my help with something.

Was that before he busted your window?

I locked my keys in-- Whatever.

It's a piece of sh*t.

Listen, hey, where are you?

You sound like you're in a closet.

I'm-- I'm in Atlantic City.

Listen, Jimmy, I went to your apartment, and l found the coaster.

Has there been evidence stolen from the depository?

Well, that's kind of why I'm calling.

The whole thing turned out to be nothing but a waste of time...

-...for everybody involved.

-Who else is involved, Jimmy?

Very good.

Jimmy-- Jimmy?

Listen, I need a favour.

Nicole Hurley, 1 34 Perry Street.

Credit check and her recent activity, okay?

Beautiful.

Thanks.

Nic?

-What the hell happened to you?

-Milo Boyd.

assh*le head-butted me.

If only I gave a sh*t.

Did you get my money?

Ray!

Milo Boyd.

Ex-cop.

Fired last year for neglect of duty.

His current gambIing debt is just over 1 1 grand.

We haven't seen a penny in two months.

This is not good.

We Iet this bum slide, people gonna start thinking Irene's gone soft...

...they don't have to pay up.

Get him in here, Dwight, break some part of his person...

...l'Il get my money, and we'll have a nice holiday weekend.

Swear to God.

UnbeIievabIe.

How did you find me?

Well, I knew you called your mother, so l went to see her.

You went to see my mother?

She didn't know I was there.

Yeah, she said you went to "suck up some luck." And I remembered your dad had some crazy theory...

...about how all the losing at the track must leave this extra luck lying around.

I knew you'd be in section D because D is your lucky letter.

I mean, who has a lucky letter?

I had no idea you knew all that stuff about me.

Of course.

We were married.

But honestly, l love being single.

I love everything about my life.

Great job...

...good friends...

...hot girlfriend.

-Girlfriend?

-Oh, you didn't know?

Oh, yeah, I've had a number of casual, crazy, sex-filled relationships...

...since you and l crapped out.

But l think this lady might be the one.

What's her name?

Teresa.

Smoking hot body.

Yeah.

Great cook.

Smart.

Very, very smart.

-Smart for a stripper.

-She's not a stripper.

Well, then, what does Teresa do?

-Judge.

-What?

Circuit court of appeals judge.

Oh, bullshit.

BuIlshit.

No, I'm not bulIshitting.

She really is a judge.

Actually, just like the one you skipped out on.

It's funny, the little coincidences in life.

All right, that's it.

l'm done.

I give up.

l give up.

Just-- I don't wanna play anymore.

Here.

Take it.

-What's that?

-Five hundred dollars.

Take it and dump me anywhere on the side of the road.

Here.

l don't care.

Honey, I'm getting 5 grand just to bring your ass to justice.

Do the math.

-No.

You do it.

-No.

The Milo Boyd that I knew?

He could take $500, walk into any casino...

...turn it into $5000 like that.

-He could turn it into $1 0,000.

-Yeah, try 50.

I don't know.

l wouIdn't go that far.

-Why not?

-I don't know.

You think you still got it?

Hell, yeah, l still got it.

You know, this isn't about the money.

No, this is about me doing my job.

All right.

Now, listen.

Remember: you win, you Iet me go.

That's our deal.

Right?

You get what you want, and l get to go-- Don't tell me your story.

How could I forget?

Come on.

Yeah, l found you.

God, Stewart, you are a huge stud.

Dwight, be honest.

Apart from chasing some guy down, breaking his legs...

...b*ating his face to a bloody pulp, you don't get a lot of aerobic exercise.

-Why we talking about this?

-You're gonna get me kiIled...

...when you're too slow to react in a life-and-death situation.

I am not too slow.

It's lrene.

-Yeah?

-They spotted Boyd at the Taj.

-He's driving a blue Delta 88.

-I'm on it.

Okay, listen, there's this kid.

He works at O'DouI's.

He gives me information sometimes.

-You mean he's a snitch.

-Yes.

I think he's in a lot of trouble.

I had him ask about this su1c1de, this guy that dove off of a roof.

Shows me what you know.

-What?

-Suicides don't dive.

They go feet-first.

Is that true?

How do you know that?

Every cop knows that.

Well, if every cop knows that a su1c1de goes feet-first...

...and this guy went headfirst, then why would a cop ruIe it as a su1c1de?

-How the hell should l know?

-Well-- Why don't you ask the cop that fiIled out the report?

Nicole.

Nicole, it's Stewart.

I'm here to save you.

Oh, my God.

She's passed out.

All right, hero time.

Let's go, buddy.

Yes.

Yes, yes, yes.

Okay, here you go.

I got you.

Oh, sh*t.

sh*t, sh*t, sh*t.

Hey.

It's a Delta 88.

-Yeah.

-It's a nice car.

Oh, thank you.

Yeah, no, this is....

This is my car, in case you were wondering.

Yeah.

It was once used in a Ice Cube video.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Yeah.

You a big fan of cars?

What l love about it is that it actually-- The steering wheel-- Five hundred on the pass line.

New sh**t.

Five hundred on the line.

Wait a minute.

You're betting all of it?

What if you lose?

Then we're back in the car.

So if I lose, I still win.

-Here.

Blow on them.

-No.

-You always did before.

-Oh, come on.

You want me to win, don't you?

If l win, you go free, remember?

-Let's go, let's go.

-Let's go, sh**t.

Coming out.

Here we go.

-Winner.

Seven.

-Seven.

Big winner.

Winner.

EIeven.

-Yes.

Eleven.

-Front-line winner.

Winner, seven.

Seven.

Winner, eleven.

Count it out nice and slow.

Eight grand.

It's so beautiful.

You did it.

I said you couId and you did.

I'm out of here.

You win, l walk.

What?

Wait.

What are you talking about?

-Where you going?

-Are you kidding?

We had a deaI.

You win 5 and I get to waIk.

No, you said 1 0.

I said 5, Milo.

In the car, you said I could turn 500 into 1 0,000.

-Yes.

But first I had said-- -No "buts." Come on.

Why would I try and win 5 thousand...

...when I get 5 thousand for turning you in?

-Doesn't make sense.

-You know what does make sense?

-I'm leaving.

That's it.

I'm out of here.

-Hey, no.

You will stay here...

...untiI l win 1 0 grand and then you walk.

Okay?

You have my word.

Now bIow.

Your word is worth sh*t.

Let's go, sh**t.

You know what?

Fine.

l can do this myself.

lt's alI me, anyway.

Watch.

Milo Boyd makes his own luck.

Yeah, here we go.

Four.

Easy.

The point is four.

Okay, four.

lt's okay.

No worries.

l can do four.

That's two twos...

-...a three and a one.

-Yeah.

Or a four and a zero.

Shut up.

Of course you're to blame.

A four and a zero?

-God.

-You mocked the gods of craps.

"The gods of craps"?

Do you hear yourself?

No.

All I hear is the sound of $8000 in chips being swept away from me.

Milo.

MiIo, you have got to let me go.

No, I don't have to do anything except win my money back...

...which I wilI do as soon as I can find the damn room.

This place is nice.

Yeah.

Glad you like it.

Because you paid for it.

-I--?

Me?

-Yeah.

I lifted your credit card.

Pretty shitty thing to do.

I feel better now that you know.

-You stole my credit card?

-See, that's what you always do.

You know, I borrow your card, and it turns into stealing.

You always blow things out of proportion.

You know what, would you stop it with this "always" crap?

We dated for six months.

We were married for nine months.

That is 1 5 months, okay?

That is not "always," champ.

You don't even know "always." Hey, what are you doing?

What's--?

Hey, hey, hey.

Where you going?

Milo, don't you dare leave me here like this.

Milo.

-You'Il probably have to pay for that.

-You know what?

Don't let me down.

-What are you doing?

-What?

Are you trying to seduce me?

Yeah.

l am.

What would you like to touch first?

You always loved my shoulders.

Oh, yes, your shoulders.

And especially in the right jacket?

So impressive.

My chest.

So strong, so solid.

-My lips.

-Your lips.

A perfect match for mine.

What you'd realIy like to touch first...

...is powerfuI.

Sometimes dangerous.

-It's hard.

-Yes.

And that would be my g*n.

Oh, you're such a d*ck.

You are such a d*ck.

Yeah.

But in the right jacket....

Ray wants to show you something.

Okay.

All right.

Okay, yeah.

Okay, bring your buddies in.

Now that I have your attention...

...l will have you know that my colIege roommate is a partner...

...at the biggest law firm in Ann Arbor, Michigan.

All right, and while they specialise primarily in real estate law...

...l am calling him maana.

And he will be on your asses like white on rice.

Pick something and break it.

No, hold on one sec.

I don't know him that well.

We're not-- We dated some of the same girls in college.

Hey.

Hey, is that a Ping?

A Rapture?

l had-- Oh, sh*t.

God.

sh*t.

-FeeI better?

-Yeah, I do, actually.

-Damn it.

-Who is this guy, anyway?

-Where's Boyd?

-That's Boyd.

That's not Milo Boyd.

-I'm not Boyd.

-He was in Boyd's Oldsmobile.

I'm not Boyd.

The two of you go together this time.

Morons.

-Housekeeping.

-Oh, good, yes.

Come in.

Good morning.

You're probably wondering why I'm handcuffed to the bed.

I just came from a room where a man was lying in a bathtub of mayonnaise...

...wearing a dog collar.

-Well, to each his own.

-You're not the one...

-...who has to clean the tub.

-That's a very good point.

-I'lI come back.

-No.

PIease.

Would you mind grabbing my bag from over there, please.

What was that?

What?

Sorry?

What?

What was what?

That.

Listen, I have to go to the bathroom, please.

Can you--?

How did you sleep?

-Better than you.

-Jerk.

-Would you--?

-Sorry.

What are you doing?

Can l have some privacy?

Something tells me I should frisk you.

Oh, right.

Do I look like I'm hiding a w*apon between my breasts?

Seriously.

-Do you mind?

-Okay, okay.

God.

"Max power button.

Put open end in direct contact with the skin.

Press button." -Hey, who you talking to?

-Nobody.

Who would l be talking to in a bathroom, anyway?

God.

Okay, you're up to something.

I'm coming in.

-No, I'm not done, Milo.

-You're done.

Nope, I'm not.

Jesus.

Son of a-- Did you really jump bail?

Gary, l need the name of the cop who signed off on the su1c1de.

Okay.

Looking Iike...

-...Bobby Jenkins.

-Bobby?

Are you sure?

I'm reading it right here.

-Do you know where Stewart is?

-Why would I know that?

-I thought you two were together.

-We are not together.

We made out once.

I meant together on the story.

-You made out with Stewart?

-Hey, you know-- Gary, that's it.

-Need a lift?

-What?

Yes, yes, l do.

Oh, God.

What a nightmare.

Don't get married.

I'm 1 7.

l don't even have a girlfriend.

I'm saving all my money for college.

You know what?

I just gave all of my money to my ex-husband.

I don't know how l'm gonna pay you.

You could show me your boobs.

Excuse me?

I toId you l don't have a girlfriend.

Give me a break.

Show me your boobs.

All right, pull over.

You serious?

Watch out.

Watch out, watch out.

Come on, bring it back.

My boss, she's gonna k*ll me.

Show her your penis.

Taser this, baby.

Get in the car.

Come on, come on.

Are you serious?

ReaIly?

Right now, you're gonna do this?

I promise, I promise l won't do it again.

Come on.

Cannot believe I was ever married to you.

I don't know why you keep falIing for that old "get in the car" trick.

What?

Oh, what are you doing?

No.

No, no, no.

No, I'm not buying it.

No-- Oh, sh*t.

That's real.

Nicole, come on, let's go.

-Look, I was just fooling around.

-Not because of you, jerk.

sh*t.

Oh, thank God.

A doctor.

Sir, my leg, I think it's broken...

...and all I've eaten today is a doughnut.

That is --That is quite large.

Wait a minute.

Wait, you are a doctor, right?

Of course.

I'm the track vet at Atlantic City Race Course.

-What?

-He's very good.

He just put down one of our horses last week.

-I don't think it felt a thing.

-But l'm not a horse.

Well, actually, in that case, it did feel it.

A lot.

Well, those are the tough ones.

Okay, you are gonna feeI a massive pinch.

But then your leg should feel just fine.

Don't-- Don't-- Come on, is this really necessary?

After 250 volts through my neck?

You're lucky you're not in the trunk.

I feel Iike I got a hickey from jumper cables.

-You know, I could arrest you for this.

-Great.

Do it, I dare you.

Wait, you'd have to be a real cop.

Which, by the way...

...was the single most attractive thing about you.

I can go back to being a cop any time I want.

Yeah, right.

-You know why?

-Why?

Because I'm good at it, that's why.

I disagree with you.

-And you're basing that on?

-Based on the fact...

...that there's a black SUV following us, and you haven't even noticed.

-Who says he's following us?

-It's the same one I saw...

...at Dunkin' Donuts when I went to meet Jimmy.

There are a miIlion black SUVs and 20 million Dunkin' Donuts...

-...and that's just in New Jersey.

-Listen.

There is a very good chance cops are involved in the story...

-...that l'm working on.

-su1c1de?

They grabbed Jimmy.

Jimmy may have given them my name.

l don't know.

-They may wanna kilI me.

-You think you're hot sh*t...

...but l'm sure the only person that wants to k*ll you is me.

-God!

Look out.

Go.

-What the hell are you doing?

God.

sh*t.

Why don't you ever listen to me?

-I do listen, but-- -No, you don't.

Look out.

Don't stop.

Milo!

-Yes.

I am so onto some-- -Only you could be happy right now.

-Milo-- -Stay here.

No, don't you leave me here, Milo.

Get me out of here.

Milo.

sh*t.

-Jesus.

-Christ.

I toId you to stay in the car.

So, what?

You are not the boss of me.

-You're gonna pay for that.

-I owe you a nickel.

Stop the car.

Get out.

Get out of there.

sh*t.

What the hell have you gotten yourself into?

-Really?

Now you're interested?

-Yeah, hell, yeah.

He sh*t up my car.

I toId you someone was following me.

Did you listen to me?

No.

Do you ever listen to me?

You told me somebody jumped off a roof.

He worked for the N.Y.P.D.

in the evidence depository.

He was afraid of heights and it's stilI ruled as a su1c1de?

Come on.

You know, you can tell me aIl this on the way to jaiI.

-You can't be serious.

-Oh, you wanna bet?

Bobby signed the report.

What?

Bobby was the cop who signed off on the su1c1de.

-The same one that you said-- -Watch yourself.

Very thin ice here.

-He is my friend too.

-What is this?

A friendly accusation?

No, this is not an accusation.

This is simply connecting the dots.

No, this is about you caring about someone...

...then, alI of a sudden...

...no warning, you don't care about him and you're out the door.

-This is not about us, Milo.

-Bobby.

Bobby walked you down the aisle.

I know.

I wiIl be heartbroken.

But l am not gonna stand around...

...with my head in the sand.

I know where your head is, and it ain't in the sand.

-What are you doing?

-I'm gonna find this prick.

When I do, I'm gonna prove Bobby innocent...

...and show you exactly what loyalty looks like.

No VIN number.

No registration.

Yeah, this guy was definitely a pro.

Well, I got a Starbucks cup with the name EarI on it.

Well, maybe it's not his cup.

Is that all you've got?

More than you've got, Kojak.

-I got these.

-What does it matter that he plays golf?

You see, I don't think he does.

These clubs have barely been used.

Plus, they're lefties.

The guy who sh*t at us was a righty.

Not to mention the fact that all the pockets are empty.

So what?

There is not a golfer in the world...

...who doesn't have tees and pencils and balls, shoes, you name it.

Why is he a member...

-...at the Castle Hill Country Club?

-That is a good question.

That's why I asked it.

For once, that is a good question.

All right, here's the deaI.

We're interested in becoming members of the club...

...and we are friends with John.

Okay.

John who?

Just say John.

They fill in the last name.

-Clever.

-Thank you.

Works every time.

All right, now you have to come up with an occupation.

Why can't I be who I am?

A bounty hunter?

We're trying to get into a private club, not a tractor pull.

Oh, gosh, I'm so sorry.

The club's closed today for a private event for members.

It's the Fourth of July.

Is it?

It's already the fourth, honey.

I can't believe it, honey.

Well, honey, neither can l.

See, the thing is John actually said that it would be all right...

...if we stopped by today.

John...?

He's a member here.

You know John.

-Everybody knows John.

-Big John.

I'm actually the membership director here...

...and I don't believe we have a singIe member named John.

That's weird, honey.

-This never fails.

-Oh, wait.

Do you mean Jack Willit?

They call him Jack, but I think his name's John.

-Yes.

Big John Jack Willit.

-Big John.

Yeah, how could I forget.

After aIl the years that John and I have actualIy worked together...

-...I forget people still call him Jack.

-Jack.

Oh, you're also in the Senate?

Yes.

Which state?

-OkIa-- -Kansas.

Kansas.

Well, what a pleasure, Senator and Mrs.

Boyd.

Let me find someone who'll give you the grand tour.

Lucky us...

...another celebrity at Castle Hill.

I'm actually a former model.

Really?

How long ago was that?

Why don't you just find that person that will be giving us the tour.

Just stay right here.

I'll be back in two shakes.

All right, so let's split up.

I take the tennis courts and the pool, and you take the pro shop.

You're just gonna run around asking people if they know a guy named Earl?

Well, do you have a better idea?

Learn from me, honey.

You wanna know every dirty little thing...

...that goes on at a country club, you gotta ask the right people.

Who would that be?

The caddies.

-Hey there.

-Yeah?

-What's going on?

-Hey.

Hey, do any of you fellas know a guy named Earl?

No?

Hey.

-I'lI take that as a yes.

-Wait.

Where are you--?

Milo!

sh*t.

A little out of shape there, senator?

The kid's got 20 years on me.

-Oh, come on, get in the cart.

-Only if you let me drive.

-What is that supposed to mean?

-That you're a sucky driver.

I am-- I am not a sucky driver.

I'm a great driver.

You know what?

I don't have time for this.

Get in here.

Come on.

How could we lose him?

He knows the course better than we do.

Gentlemen.

There.

Stay with him.

-God.

Milo.

-Get right up next to him.

-We're moving too fast.

Oh, no.

-No.

I got you.

I got you.

That was not my fault.

I don't know anything.

The dr*gs, the cash.

-I didn't know anything about it.

-I didn't ask about dr*gs or money.

Good.

I don't know anything.

I'm a caddy.

-Well, then why were you running?

-Look, I'm just a kid saving for college.

Fine!

A Jet Ski, I'm saving for a Jet Ski.

Who's Earl?

Okay, look, all I know is, he plays here...

...with a couple big sh*ts every three or four months.

Dude doesn't know the difference between a wedge and a paddle.

What's his last name?

I don't know anything about him.

Why don't you use your college brain and think.

You can drown me.

I'm not gonna know his last name.

And he's a big tipper, sometimes 1 00 bucks.

Oh, he got me this.

He got you a tattoo?

When my girlfriend dumped me, yeah.

He sent me to this place in Queens.

Blue lnk.

I don't know, maybe he owns it.

Blue lnk Tattoo.

Yeah, let me speak to Earl.

Not in.

-We got him.

-Tell him a Walter Lilly calIed.

Tell him Walter Lilly called, all right?

All right.

Walter LiIly?

Thanks.

Very nice work, detective.

Hey, you-- -You got some-- -What?

-Some-- -What?

-On your neck.

-What is it?

-It's pond scum.

-Get it off.

Oh, God.

-Looks good.

-Get it off.

Milo, get it off.

Not funny.

-Okay.

Calm down, calm down.

-Get it.

What else?

Where else is it?

-Wanna see it?

Look.

-Just get it out of the car.

-I'm gonna keep it.

Press it in a book.

-Oh, Jesus.

I'll always remember the special day we just had.

See, you joke, Milo, but just look at us.

We're this close to solving a m*rder that nobody even knows has happened.

-Speak of the devil.

-Really?

Hey, Bobby, what's up?

Get off the road, and I mean now.

Yeah, this holiday traffic's-- -It's a real bitch.

-HaIf of New Jersey is looking for you.

The other half is looking for your ex, who is apparently a felon.

For what, I have no idea.

So much for "what happens in Jersey, stays in Jersey." Where are you, man?

Exactly?

What?

Listen, Bobby, maybe you and I should meet for a beer later.

You know, talk about old times.

g*dd*mn it, Milo.

l can only protect you if you do what I say.

And right now l am telling you: lay low, stay there.

-What?

-He says we shouId get off the road.

-I believe him.

-We are in the middle of nowhere.

You know what?

I know exactly where we are.

Really?

Here?

Couldn't have driven five minutes, found a Best Western?

We'll be safe here until we figure out what's what.

Think they remember us?

You kidding?

Do you know how many honeymooners they've had since us?

Hey, can I help--?

Wait.

It can't be.

Edmund.

Edmund.

Come quick.

-Looks Iike they remember us.

-You think?

Be stiIl, my b*ating heart.

Oh, my.

Listen, we get a lot of young marrieds here, but you two....

Have we ever had a couple more madly in love than these two?

No.

No, we still talk about you two...

...honest to Betsy, as the quintessential Cupid's couple Cabin.

Cupid's Cabin coupIe.

Oh, you know.

Let's get you a nice room.

Come on inside.

Welcome back.

Welcome.

Welcome, welcome.

Oh, Iook, here's....

Oh, my goodness.

What, it's been three years?

-Three years.

Has it?

-Oh, my God.

l don't even remember.

So you came back for your anniversary.

I do have to ask you my favourite question.

How do you keep your romance alive?

Well, I gotta tell you, Dawn...

...l'm not naturally a romantic kind of guy.

True.

He's not.

I mean, l don't tend to go for cards or flowers.

Actually, gifts of any kind.

If it's your birthday, Milo thinks the best surprise is the gift of nothing.

And you'd probably have to put a g*n to old Nic's head here...

...to get her to actually say, "I Iove you." Well, that's true love.

That is right.

Two people who know all each other's faults...

-...and weaknesses, and yet-- -They just love each other all the more.

Thank you.

Oh, gosh.

The cesspool's backed up.

Gotta call the guy.

No, honey, I think it's them.

They're a little stinky.

Well, we actually-- We crashed into a pond.

She was driving.

Oh, my goodness, you two.

Let's get you settled, and then you can come back down for dinner.

We'll get you fresh duds.

Pop those in the wash, have them back by bedtime.

Excuse me, but what happened to your neck?

She Tasered me.

She Tase-- He's too funny.

"She Tasered me." -What?

-Oh, just....

This whole situation.

I mean, really, I don't know whether to laugh or cry.

If you could see yourself in that dress, cry.

What?

Said the man who couldn't decide what colour to wear, so he wore them all.

Do you remember when we broke that--?

Yeah, l do.

Although I tried very hard to block that out, to be honest.

Oh, really?

How's that working out for you?

-What, being honest?

-Denial.

Great.

Yeah.

Until about an hour ago.

Yeah.

Why--?

Why do people do that?

Why do people do what?

Deny that they've ever done anything wrong in the relationship.

Why can't people take responsibility for their sh*t and move on?

Which people are you talking about?

-I don't know.

-What?

I don't know.

You.

Me.

Everybody.

Well, maybe everybody's afraid...

...that any admission of guilt would be seen as a sign of weakness.

You know, that's where everybody's wrong.

I see it as a sign of maturity.

Don't you think?

-Absolutely.

-I mean, life-- Life is about making mistakes.

Right?

And death is about wishing you made a whole lot more.

Hey, I just made that up.

Look at you, Milo Boyd.

Well....

Well, then.

Here...

...is to our big, fat, ugly mistake.

The kind that knocks you on your ass.

And makes you wanna do them all over again.

What do you mean?

Well, I-- Well, wait, wait.

What mistake were you talking about?

No, you just said you had made a mistake.

I did.

So we're in agreement?

But so did you.

Yeah, so we both made a huge mistake.

By getting married.

Oh, yeah, that.

Yeah.

And getting divorced.

But you know what?

Hey, I screwed up.

I screwed up, and I'm sorry.

Sometimes I....

Sometimes I really think it was all me.

This is crazy.

I know.

But l kind of....

I kind of miss it.

-What?

-This.

Us.

You know, you.

But you don't even like me.

Are you kidding me?

Of course I like you.

What are you thinking about?

Nothing.

Liar.

That's the nicest thing you've said to me aIl weekend.

Okay.

Here you go, Kitty.

-Hi, it's me.

-Oh, Steve?

No, it's Nicole.

lt's your daughter.

Who's Steve?

The drag queen who does Sunday nights.

What's up, kitten?

Mom, advice, advice.

I need your advice.

Listen, I am locked in the bathroom of the honeymoon suite...

...at Cupid's Cabin...

-...and MiIo is right outside the door.

-Lord in heaven.

You've barricaded yourself from him?

That's hot.

No, Mom-- Okay.

Focus.

Room service.

I hope I'm not interrupting.

Dawn wanted me to make sure...

-...you got the rest of your champagne.

-Great.

Hang on.

Your clothes are almost dry.

I'll have them up in a jiffy.

No rush.

Might not need them for a little bit, if you know what l mean.

She must have a couple of bucks in here.

What's this?

Yeah, thanks for the champagne.

Oh, you forgot my-- So what was this moment of honesty?

I don't know.

We were down at dinner...

...and then all of a sudden I could not remember why I hate him.

Well, what did he say?

-He said he missed me.

-What?

He said he missed me and that he was sorry.

He actually said he was sorry?

Was he taking your clothes off?

How naked were you?

-Mom, we were on the patio.

-You were naked on the patio?

What can I say, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree.

Ma, we were at dinner on the patio.

There was no sex.

-And he said "I'm sorry"?

-Twice.

-With no sex?

-Yeah.

Hold on a sec.

Yeah.

Continue.

I don't know.

Like, she's acting really weird.

I mean, she admitted for the first time that the divorce was all her fault.

-Yeah?

What'd she say?

-Well, I said I screwed up a little bit.

But then she said, "No, Milo, it was me." And then I find this picture?

Tell me, do you keep your ex's picture in your wallet?

Number of times I've been married, they don't make a wallet that big.

Come on, pick it up.

Let's go.

-I wanna do more camping.

-This is camping.

We're camping in Dad's office.

-Just don't telI your mother about this.

-It's Milo.

What's the problem now?

Nicole keeps the wedding photo in the wallet.

Numb nuts wants to know what that means.

I'll tell you what it means.

It means she hasn't cleaned out her wallet in a year.

You know, I'm pretty sure I'm carrying around a condom from 1 987.

Don't tell your mother that, either.

You know something?

I think that means she loves you.

I think so too.

Open your eyes, honey.

How often do people get second chances?

I say get naked and get busy.

You're right.

-I'm gonna go for it.

-You do that.

Oh, and take your phone with you.

One picture of his ass, that's all I'm asking.

-Mother, you are so dirty.

-Thank you.

-I love you, sweetie.

-I love you.

Boy.

Okay.

Well, why do you care?

This woman makes you crazy.

You drunk yourself out of a job because of her.

-No.

I quit my job.

-You were fired.

I quit by getting myself fired.

Okay, you're thinking with your d*ck.

How many times I gotta tell you?

Stop thinking with your d*ck, all right?

I am not thinking with my d*ck.

Listen, even if I do get Iaid tonight, then it doesn't change a thing.

I'm stiIl bringing her ass to jail, okay?

So just chill out.

Hey.

Is everything okay?

Why wouldn't it be?

They brought champagne.

-I thought maybe you and l-- -Well, you thought wrong.

What are you doing?

I'm going to bed.

What does it look like?

A great big blast from the past, that's what.

Oh, Nic shuts down again.

Oh, boy, does this take me back.

g*dd*mn it.

If it's so familiar, you know you're sleeping on the couch.

-Yeah?

-Yeah.

The hell I am.

Are you gonna swallow that any time soon?

-Tastes great.

-Oh, God, you are so-- That's it.

That is it.

Are you happy now?

Overjoyed.

Oh, sorry, did I wake you?

I just wanna say thank you...

-...for a really lovely, lovely evening.

-No, Nic.

-What?

No, Nic.

Wait.

-Tickles, huh?

Hey, come back here.

Nic.

I swear to God.

sh*t.

Hey.

No.

Wait.

Nic.

Nic, get back here.

Don't you dare, you-- sh*t.

-What are you doing?

-I forgot my wallet.

That's lrene's money.

-It's $1 0.

-It's lrene's money.

-I will pay it back.

-Irene will k*ll you.

Irene wilI have me k*ll you.

Dwight!

Dwight!

-Yeah.

-It's Milo's car.

No, I-- Listen, here is a list of the other bed and breakfasts in the area...

...for your next visit.

-Come on, sweetheart.

-Thank you.

Thank you.

I'm sorry.

-Park that for you, sir?

-Don't scratch it.

Roger that.

sh**t.

Okay.

Excuse me.

Pilates World is across the street.

Well, no.

Actually, I want a tattoo.

Let me guess.

A cute little butterfly on your shoulder?

-Well-- -We're by appointment only.

DarIa...

...go get me some beers.

What do you want?

I want a panther...

...down the length of my body.

I'd like the paws to be about right here.

Then l was thinking the mouth, the teeth...

...about right here.

And then the tail....

I'll let you figure that out.

Cancel my appointments.

DarIa.

I'm Bone.

Bone?

Is that short for something?

Boner.

Boner.

That's catchy.

-Is Earl here?

-Haven't seen him.

Now...

...pull up your shirt.

Give me a Iook at the canvas.

Yes.

Yes, but do you mind, though, if I hit the head first?

Make it quick.

Oh, my God.

Bobby.

Jimmy.

Oh, my God.

-Earl.

What happened?

-Give me the keys to your pickup.

I need to get some junk out of my office.

-Okay.

-Okay.

Come on.

-Wait.

-Oh, and a Walter LiIly called.

He didn't leave a number.

Come here, this way.

Son of a bitch.

-The guy's a cop.

-I know.

-And a drug dealer.

-I know.

-Isn't that against the law?

-Yeah, last I checked.

It's Earl.

Call me back as soon as you get this, all right?

I heard him on the phone.

He was arranging some meeting with a guy named Bobby.

Bobby?

-Are you sure?

-Yeah.

I got a better question.

Where the hell is Milo?

-I'm having the worst weekend.

-Who is this person?

-How would I know that?

-Nobody.

Nobody.

I'm nobody.

Well, that's wonderful.

Now, is Nobody gonna get out of this car?

Or are we gonna put a big hole in Nobody's head?

Run.

-No.

Jimmy.

-I can't.

Your hair shimmers like sunlight on the ocean.

-You are such a jerk.

-You know what you are?

You're an emotional cr*pple, that's what.

You'd rather hunt down a guy who's trying to k*ll you...

...than deal with the guy who vowed to put up with your sh*t...

-...for the rest of his life.

-You know what?

An $1 1 ,000 gambling debt.

Call that getting a handle on it?

-Not what I told you to say.

-Sorry.

-HeIlo.

We have your girlfriend.

-I'm not his girlfriend.

No, she is my girlfriend.

But l'll tell you what, why don't you keep her.

Call it square.

-He hung up.

-What?

Holy sh*t.

What the--?

Let me guess, she's driven you nuts already.

-Damn it, Milo, they are not kidding.

-I wish l could help you.

I really do.

There's just one small problem.

You handcuffed me to Cupid, remember?

How was l to know that a couple of Neanderthals wanted you dead?

-Whoa, not a couple.

-Why would you think we're a couple?

You know what?

Put Chubby on the phone.

-HeIlo?

-Really, Dwight?

Since when do bookies kidnap people?

It's a little outside of my jurisdiction, but we're under new management.

Tell your partner he's got about five seconds to release her...

...or I'm gonna ruin his life.

He says release her or else.

I'm paraphrasing.

Bring it on.

-Did you hear that?

-You know what?

Put Nic on the phone.

-What?

-Tell your paIs I'll be there in 20.

-He said he'll be here in 20 minutes.

-That's good.

That's good.

-Wait, Milo, I-- -Stop shifting in your seat.

Tell them you have to use the bathroom.

Don't look around.

Just do it.

Okay, if he's not here in 20 minutes-- I need to pee.

You need--?

-Let's go pee.

-Okay.

Yeah?

Oh, God.

Yep.

-Oh, please tell me you have a plan.

-Stay put until I come get you.

-Wait a minute.

-What?

She said he'd be here in 20 minutes.

-So?

-So...

...she never told him where she was.

Here, folks.

Some money.

There you go.

Yeah.

-Ho, ho, ho, ladies.

Happy Fourth.

-Oh, sh*t.

That is Milo Boyd.

Grab some of this, girls.

-HoIy sh*t.

-What?

-Everybody have a good time.

-That's Irene's money.

Step over here.

Come on, come on.

Yes, here we go.

Plenty for everybody.

Ladies, ladies.

Here you go, ladies.

That's my money.

Get your hands off my dough!

Time to go.

You all right?

Car keys in the bag?

-Yeah.

-Let's get the heIl out of here.

Why can't you be this guy all the time?

I am this guy all the time.

No.

A hotshot detective that I fell so madly in love with.

Instead, this bounty hunter who's always bragging about getting laid.

Oh, wait.

Is that what you're pissed about?

I was talking to Sid.

What am I supposed to say, that I'm sweet on my girl again?

Yeah.

Yes, you say it.

If that's what you mean, you say it.

You were honest about your feelings?

All I'm saying is this night could've gone a lot differently if you had.

Yeah.

Just like our marriage.

Maybe.

Some detective I turned out to be.

Can't even figure you out.

She's strong for a stripper.

Watch it, Ray.

That was very painful.

-I'm gonna kick your Amazo-- -Shut up, you little p*ssy.

-Twenty Seventh squad, Griswald.

-Hey, Kenny, it's Milo.

Hey, Mr. Boyd.

What's up?

I'm looking for Bobby.

l called his cell, but he's not picking up.

Is he there?

With you not being on the force anymore and everything...

-...I'm not really supposed to-- -Hey, Kenny, I don't have a lot of time.

Now, you used to follow me around, kiss my ass.

You still into that?

Yes, sir.

-Well, pucker up.

Where's Bobby?

-On his way to the depository.

Why?

It's the middle of the night.

Lieutenant's got us working double to complete the move.

-What move?

-To the new facility.

I heard they had to inventory something like 1 94,000...

-...pieces of evidence.

-Thank you.

Take it easy.

That must have been quite an audit.

Do you know what happens to evidence when the case doesn't go to trial?

-What?

-Not a damn thing.

So it just sits there?

Forever?

Ripe for the picking.

I'm hungry.

I'll wait here for Bobby.

Take the car.

There's a pizza parlour on Yonkers.

Anything but peppers.

There is no way you're getting rid of me.

I wouldn't let you drive my car, anyway.

That was an accident.

-What?

-The whole N.Y.P.D. thing.

Reason I got arrested.

You can make all the jokes you want.

-But l'm an excellent driver.

-Wait.

Your rap sheet said you assauIted an officer.

What--?

Are you saying you ran over a cop?

I didn't run over anything.

-Then what did you do?

-Nothing.

I was late for a press conference.

Traffic was stopped...

...so I thought I could squeeze by...

...and I grazed it.

You grazed a cop.

No, I grazed a horse.

Okay?

Are you happy?

A big, dumb, old police horse...

...whose big, dumb, old police ass...

...swayed in front of my car as l was trying to pass it.

-You hit a horse?

-I tapped him.

Tapped him.

There was one little, little tuft of hair on my bumper.

It was-- Seriously.

l can go to jail.

-Yeah, for like...years.

-You're just-- You know-- You're the world's worst driver.

WiIl you just be quiet?

Now, listen.

We don't know anything for sure, all right?

-Maybe it's not what it Iooks Iike.

-It's almost aIways what it looks like.

Hey, Bobby.

Been looking all over for you.

-You get my message?

-About the missing dr*gs?

Yeah.

We got a problem.

You know that?

Yeah, yeah, we do.

-Can l help you?

-We're here to see Bobby Jenkins.

Can l tell him what it's regarding?

-Put the bag down, Earl.

-What, this?

-What's wrong with you?

-Don't make this harder...

-...than it has to be.

-The bag's down.

You know, I gotta-- Buzz me in.

Now.

Got it.

Sorry.

Jesus.

-What?

-There's blood.

Oh, my God.

-Bobby.

-You okay, partner?

-What the hell are you doing here?

-Looking for some answers.

-Who sh*t you?

-Earl Mahler.

Yeah, l've been tracking him for the last couple of weeks.

After he m*rder*d Walter.

Walter Lilly.

Yeah, he's got my g*n.

-What--?

-Stay with him.

Where are you going?

-Stay with him.

-Where are you going?

Baby, I'll be back.

All right.

Hey, he's gonna be all right.

He's a good cop.

You're a good cop.

Look what happened to you.

Oh, yeah.

You got a point.

Hey.

Hey, where you going?

Drop it.

You were easy.

Oh, God.

You already sh*t one cop.

sh**ting another one's...

-...not gonna help things with the jury.

-You're not a cop.

-Well, that's just hurtful.

-Get down on your knees.

My knees, they're not so great, you know.

Took a jump off a roof.

The last thing I care about is your knees, your health.

Now get down on your knees.

Now what?

Should have minded your own business.

-Not concerned about your future?

-It's time for you to go, assh*le.

Drop it.

And I'm the only one who gets to call him "assh*le." You better tell your girl-- That's for calling me a girI.

That's for sh**ting at my wife.

So Earl Mahler was using Walter Lilly to gain access to the narcotics cage.

That's right.

He was gonna come clean, but by the time l got to his apartment...

...he was already dead.

-But there was no proof it was Mahler.

-Right.

If it wasn't for that parking ticket, he might have gotten away with it.

That's because she's a hell of a reporter.

Thank you.

But you did get one thing wrong.

Oh, are you kidding?

Come on.

I'm just saying.

Bobby, it Iooked really bad.

It really did.

I mean, your name was on the su1c1de report.

-The bowling alley photo.

-I walked you down the g*dd*mn aisle.

-That's what I said.

-Great.

That's what he said.

Wait.

You serious?

She really thought I was involved?

Yeah.

But then, you know, she never liked you.

You know what?

Never liked your ass, either.

I gotta get this story in.

-HeIlo?

-I just want you to know that it is over.

You and me, we are through.

Stewart, are you drunk?

No, that is the aftereffects of horse tranquilizers...

...that were injected into my now-broken leg...

...by a local veterinarian, Nicole.

Oh, we had something beautiful and special and rare...

...but if these are the kinds of people you hang out with, you can forget it.

If that's the way you really feel....

Wait, no, no, no.

Wait, no, hold on.

No, no, no, stop.

Are you admitting that we had something beautiful, special and rare?

Stewart, l gotta go, okay?

Okay, you go.

But just know you have given my heart wings.

For moments ago, I was barely able to waIk...

...but now, now l will run to your side with the-- -g*dd*mn!

-Stewart?

Hello?

-Do you know what l really wanna do?

-What?

I wanna blow off this story, and l wanna take you home.

-Yeah?

-Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

But l gotta get this story in before anybody gets wind of it.

I just have to.

-You understand that, right?

-Oh, totally.

Don't-- -Listen, I get it.

-Yeah?

I get it.

You're just doing your job.

-Yeah.

-Yeah.

Thank you.

That's not gonna be an issue this time.

We both will sometimes have to put our job first.

It's like that, right?

Yeah.

Yep.

But after....

We're actually doing this.

Yes, we are.

Why are we pulling over here?

Here?

No.

You wouldn't.

I toId you l was bringing you in.

And we have, oh, five minutes to spare.

Now, don't be mad, babe...

...because we're never gonna get this marriage going again...

...if you come into it with anger and resentment.

I would like to be taken into custody, please.

Officer?

Let's go.

This is ridicuIous.

UnbeIievabIe.

Where did you--?

Aren't I entitled to a phone call?

It's the bounty hunter.

How was your weekend, assh*le?

Did you set any more parades on fire?

Actually, Gelman, the rest of my weekend was pretty quiet.

-Yeah?

-Until now.

It'll go to the Internet edition...

...and then all media outlets will have to come through us directly for details.

Great.

Thanks.

Using your one caIl to phone in a story.

That is so you.

What are you doing here?

It's a special night, remember?

No way we're not spending it together.

Hey, can we go in the same ceIl together?

Get in the cell, dickhead.

-Let's go.

-I'm going.

You're crazy.

Maybe I am.

Come here.

Happy anniversary, sweetheart.