[ Man Narrating ] This is the Earth at a time... when the dinosaurs roamed a lush and fertile planet.
A piece of rock just six miles wide... changed all that.
It hit with the force of 10,000 nuclear weapons.
A trillion tons of dirt and rock hurtled into the atmosphere, creating a suffocating blanket of dust... the sun was powerless to penetrate... for a thousand years.
It happened before.
It will happen again.
It's just a question of when.
[ Man Chattering ]
[ Man ] Houston, affirmative.
Now try again.
[ Man On Radio Chattering ]
Almost got it. [ Grunts ]
Dennis, I'm almost there. Houston, Pete's lookin' real strong.
Okay, Pete, we got that coupling on the board here now.
We'll give you the go-ahead from down here when it's in alignment.
Sounds good. Give me ten seconds.
[ Sighs ]
His heart rate's racing. Hey, Pete.
It's Truman. Hey.
How you doing up there, hoss? Pretty good.
Listen, Pete, we got an eye on your meds here. I'll give you a buffalo nickel... if you'll calm down just a little bit.
Can you do that for me ? Whatever you say.
Okay, now, we got plenty of time, buddy, so don't you worry.
Looking good here.
He'll be all right.
Go ahead, Atlantis. Roger that, Houston.
Suggest we start reeling Pete in.
[ Buzzing ] What the hell is that ?
My Lord.
[ Screaming ]
We're down !
Houston !
We've lost all contact.
Stewart, play that tape back!
[ Screaming ] Houston !
Multiple bogies! Multiple bogies!
Sector five, niner. I have three. Now five.
Unidentified tracks. My screen's full.
Multiple tracks headed toward the Atlantic seaboard !
This could be a surprise m*ssile att*ck.
[ Alarm Blaring ]
Mr President, the shuttle Atlantis just exploded in space.
Okay, I want three groups! One: internal malfunction.
Get the log tape. Start working back. Maybe it's a glitch.
Two: I want NORAD, Space Command and the 50th tactical, comparing all the space junk you tracked in every orbit.
I want you to check, recheck and then do it all over again.
Number three: wild cards. Anything and everything.
All right ? Now, Big Ross, get on the telephone. Wake up 11,000 people.
Walt, get 'em going. Let's go!
Karl. Karl! Karl.
Karl! Your Stouffer's pot pie's... been on the table almost ten hours.
I want a divorce. Dottie, I'm on to something big here.
I-l don't know what this is, but it looks like something's burnin' up there.
Go get my phone book, will you ? Get my phone book. Get those names of those guys from NASA.
Excuse me ! Am I wearing a sign that says, "Karl's sl*ve" ?
Go get my g*dd*mn phone book !
Get the book! Get the book! Get the book!
Space Command is reporting negative. That is zero global launches.
It might just be a piece of the shuttle breaking up as it comes in.
It might be Santa Claus. Until we get definitive, reliable confirmation, General, we go to DEFCON Three.
♪ I'm gettin' ready for the big time ♪
♪ Someday you're gonna say I'm big time too ♪
Hey, little man! Little Richard!
Me and you, man! We're going to the top, baby!
Big time! I ain't gonna be ridin' this bike for the rest of my life.
You know what I'm sayin'? I'm gettin' a motorcycle, baby.
We're gonna travel in style.
♪ I'm gettin' ready for the big time ♪
♪ Someday I'm gonna be in big time news ♪
Watch where you're goin'. I bet you, none of you all stop for brothers.
Slow down, Little Richard. You've been ridin' all morning. You gotta take a dump?
We interrupt our regularly scheduled programme... What happened ? to bring you this special report. Shh, shh, shh.
The shuttle Atlantis exploded in space at 3:47 a.m., Eastern Standard Time.
[ Growling ] [ Squeaking ]
Hey! Get, get.
[ Chattering ]
That's my Godzilla. Come on, now. Yo, fool !
Don't be kickin' Little Richard. What the hell your problem ?
That dog's eatin' my Godzilla. What's a little runt like you gonna do about it ?
Get him, Richard. Sic him. If I wasn't no Christian, I'd be throwin' your fat pineapple-eatin' ass through the window.
[ Screaming ]
Why we not going ? You know why ? 'Cause this is New York City.
Anything could happen. Let's see. Could've been a t*rror1st b*mb.
Could've been a dead body. Somebody sh*t, stabbed, and it's Friday, payday.
Dude, somebody probably didn't get their paycheck. Yes ? I want to go shopping.
Me, too, but we ain't goin' nowhere 'cause this is a traffic jam.
Little Richard! Right over there!
[ Screaming ] Little Richard!
Hang on, Little Richard. I'm comin'!
[ Whimpering ] Don't you worry about it. I'm gonna get you outta there!
You okay, buddy ? Don't worry about it. Hang in there.
Somebody dial 911 !
My screen's full. They're all over the place.
Bogies are breachin' the atmosphere from Finland down the North American seaboard.
[ Screaming ]
Whoa!
Look at that !
Oh, we at w*r! [ Screaming Continues ]
S*ddam Hussein is bombing us!
[ Man Screaming ]
Let's stay focused. We need to map the trajectory now. That could take a week.
Just find it, okay? I wanna know if the worst is over or if it's on its way.
We've got General Kimsey on the line.
We've got hits from Finland to South Carolina.
We know they're not missiles. Now what the hell is it?
It's a meteor shower. That's what took out the shuttle.
[ Overlapping Chattering ]
I've got the president on Air Force One demanding answers.
[ General ] ls it over?
General, we've got 11,000 people at NASA trying to figure that out right now.
When we know, you'll know.
[ Sirens Wailing ]
Okay, Karl, listen. I want you to take your time. Yes, sir. You're definitely the first.
Okay, first coordinate. One-two-three-nine. 1239, right?
F.B.I. Iocked his location. Saw an expl*si*n in space.
Okay. [ Whispering ]
Listen, Karl, this is top secret. Sir, I'm retired Navy.
I know all about classified. But one more thing.
The person that finds her gets to name her, right?
Yes, that's right. I wanna name her Dottie, after my wife.
She's a vicious life-suckin' bitch from which there's no escape.
That's sweet, Karl. S.D.I., this is flight director!
-I wanna get that Hubble movin', and I want it now. -Roger that.
We're movin' the Hubble!
[ Man ] It's enormous.
This is the anomaly at 1643.
Here is the anomaly at 1658, and here is the anomaly at 1700.
Enough with this anomaly horseshit!
What is this thing? It's an asteroid, sir.
How big are we talking?
Sir, our best estimate is 97.6 billion--
It's the size of Texas, Mr President. Y-Yes, sir.
Dan, we didn't see this thing coming?
Well, our object collision budget's a million dollars.
That allows us to track about three percent of the sky.
And begging your pardon, sir, it's a big-ass sky.
And the ones this morning ? Those are nothing. They're the size of basketballs... and Volkswagens, things like that.
Is this going to hit us ? We're efforting that as we speak, sir.
What kind of damage are we-- Damage?
Total, sir.
It's what we call a global k*ller.
The end of mankind.
Doesn't matter where it hits.
Nothing would survive. Not even bacteria.
My God. What do we do ?
[ Groaning ]
We have 18 days before it hits Earth.
[ Man ] Have mercy. Rise and shine!
[ Yelling ]
Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!
Fore!
Stop the drilling! Stop the drilling!
Hey! Hey, that was close!
[ Chuckling ]
I give you 50,000 a year in donations.
What do you think they're so mad about, Chick? Well, I think they feel... that drilling for oil is an evil thing.
You know how much diesel that clunker boat pumps out an hour?
I just found out something interesting. Number two chewed 180 feet last night.
Who do we have to thank for this? I'll give you two guesses.
But you're only gonna need one.
g*dd*mn it, A.J.!
A.J.!
A.J.! A.J., you in here?
Oh, that's just perfect. In bed. Get up!
Uh, hey, you wanted to see me ? Yeah, I was lookin' for ya.
You're pissed. Okay, I can see that.
No. You know what, A.J.? I'm not pissed. You've seen me pissed.
This is way, way beyond pissed, though. You know I shut down number two last night, right?
Yeah, man, I had a hunch on that. Let me tell you something.
Someday, many years from now, when you're all growed up, and you got your own oil company and $8 million of your own money on the contract, you can do whatever comes into that little A.J.-idiotin' mind of yours you want.
But as long as it says "Harry Stamper Oil" on the rig, you will not disobey my rules.
You got that ? Yeah, I do got it.
All right, now I need to hear five words from you.
Uh-- I'll--
[ Together ] Never do that again.
I'm a fool. That was idiotic. I-l mean, that was stupid.
I'm an idiot. I know what name's on the sign. I'm not--
What's goin' on here? What's goin' on?
Well, l-l mean, you know, I screwed up. I'm a little edgy.
How long you work for me? Five wonderful years.
In five years, you have never apologized to me this quickly.
Something's going on here. I'm gonna find out what it is. [ Stammering ]
Well, I'm turning over a new leaf. I'm trying to learn from the man.
What would Harry do?
I'm at a loss for words.
Okay, I can explain this.
You can explain that? I can.
I would really like an explanation. You just stay right here.
Grace?
Hi, Harry. I have asked you repeatedly to call me Dad.
Sorry, Harry.
Get up and get your clothes on.
You just stay right there. I'll be right back.
Here's what we're gonna do. I want every strategy we've got on near-Earth object collision.
Okay? Any ideas, any programmes, anything you sketched on a pizza box or cocktail napkin.
For 30 years, they questioned the need for NASA. Today, we're gonna give 'em the answer.
You know about this, Rockhound?
You knew? No, I had no idea.
Where's Harry?
Harry, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. I understand, okay?
You're mad. Who-Who wouldn't be mad?
He's gonna sh**t you. Nah, no, he's not.
Oh, sh*t. [ Screaming ]
Harry ! What's wrong with you ?
Make your peace with God, A.J.!
This guy's got a g*n, man. He's sh**ting at me.
Harry, this is not funny! Harry, listen to me! We can talk this over!
Oh, is this a serious thing ? Yeah, pretty serious.
Bear! What's up?
He's sh**t' at me. You see Harry comin', cr*ck him with that wrench.
You told A.J.'s dad just before he d*ed that you would take care of the boy.
Now I'm not sure that sh**t' him is takin' care of him.
Why don't you put the g*n down? You don't want none of this. Get out of my way.
Just tryin' to give my man a head start, that's all.
Not to mention the fact that I don't think you wanna k*ll the best man on your crew... before we strike oil. Aw, Chick, I ain't gonna k*ll him.
Just gonna take a foot off. A man can work with one foot.
You remember old Frank Marx who worked with one hand all them years?
Yeah, but he wasn't very good.
Harry, put the g*n down! You're acting insane!
Now, honey, go get some clothes on and get out of the way.
You can't control my life! Fine. Clothes. Now!
All right, stop! All right! It was funny for a minute. It's not funny any more.
f*ck! Harry, this is illegal, man.
I'm temporarily insane, Rock. It's all right.
[ Screaming ]
Do I look like I'm crazy to you? Well--
Harry! Hey, just cool down.
What are you doing? Harry, stop! Cut it out. All right, Harry.
All right, now, listen. Man to man. I'm serious. I love her.
Way wrong answer!
[ Screaming ]
Whoa, whoa, Harry. It's gettin' real. Harry! Come on, Harry!
You sh*t me! You sh*t him.
That b*llet never got close. Just a ricochet.
You know, it's all funny till somebody gets sh*t in the leg!
Hey, pucker up. We got clients incoming.
Uh, b-back in-in-- in 1974, we-we first got the idea-- the-the possibility that-that a meteor or an asteroid--
I need somebody who's had a little less caffeine this morning. Doc, translate.
Yes, sir. Our first feasibility plan was to use a spread-focus laser generator... to heat the object to the point of fracture.
That's like sh**ting a B.B. g*n at a freight train, Doc.
Uh, some of us have got this idea.
We wanna land a craft, deploy solar sails.
You'll have a big canopy. Solar winds will be caught by these Mylar sails.
Okay-- Come on, guys!
We gotta come up with something realistic here. We got 18 days.
That's 431 hours, 15 minutes and 18 seconds.
Time's a luxury we don't have. What?
Listen, Harry, A.J. is my choice.
My choice and not yours. He's the only one in your age bracket, Grace.
It's not a choice. It's a lack of options.
I don't know what in the world makes you think... that you have the right to tell me what to do any more, Harry.
I suppose being your father doesn't count, huh ?
Not really. Since when ?
Since I reached the age of ten and became older than you, Harry.
Since Mom split. Why don't you take your pick?
Look, I understand that you are handicapped by natural immaturity, and I forgive you.
I may be an immature father, but I'm still your employer.
And as your boss, I want you on that crew boat tonight and back in the office by Monday.
You got that ? Okay. I quit.
Grace, you can't quit now!
I need you to keep on working. [ Speaking Chinese Dialect ]
Hi, Harry!
What are you smilin' about? [ Speaking Chinese Dialect ]
I've been seein' A.J. for more than five months, Harry.
[ Speaking Chinese Dialect ]
You little hypocrite. I ever held you back once from doing anything?
What about having a life, Harry?
The first time I got my period, Rockhound had to take me into Taipei for Tampax... and then he had to show me how to use 'em, Harry.
Ho-ho.
I ju-- No, l-l told her how to use it. I didn't show her, Harry.
I was playing with titanium depth gauges when I should've been playing with dolls.
I mean, I learned about the birds and the bees from Freddie Noonan's tattoos.
Look, I was raised on roughnecks by you.
And now you get all shocked and shaken when I fall in love with one.
So who's the hypocrite here, Harry, huh? Look at those nice pipes.
-Listen to me, Grace. -No, you listen to me, Harry. I grew up.
With the proximity of the asteroid and no prep time, none of our primary plans can work.
Why don't we just send up 150 nuclear warheads and blast that rock apart?
Terrible idea.
Was I talkin' to you?
This is Dr Ronald Quincy from Research.
Pretty much the smartest man on the planet. You might wanna listen to him.
General, if you consider your target, her composition, her dimensions, her sheer velocity, you could fire every nuke you've got on her, she'll just smile at you and keep on coming.
You should know that the president's scientific advisors... are suggesting that a nuclear blast could change this asteroid's trajectory.
I know the president's chief scientific advisor. We were at M.I.T. together.
And, in a situation like this, [ Clears Throat ] you really don't wanna take the advice from a man who got a C-minus in astrophysics.
The president's advisors are wrong. I'm right.
Hitting the rock from the outside won't do the job.
Imagine a firecracker in the palm of your hand.
You set it off. What happens? Burn your hand, right?
You close your fist around the same firecracker and set it off-- poof-- your wife's gonna be opening your ketchup bottles the rest of your life.
Are you suggesting that we blow this thing up from the inside?
That's exactly what I'm saying. How?
[ Sighs ] We drill.
We bring in the world's best deep-core driller.
Harry, get up here. We're takin' a hit.
Get A.J. up here! Come on!
Oh, sh*t! [ Yelling ]
Send another pipe down! Right now!
[ Yelling Continues ] It's a gas pocket!
I told you! Am I lucky, or am I just a genius?
I shut it down for a reason, you jackass! The relief valve's--
[ Screaming ]
Shut off the number two valve! Grace, get the clients out of here now!
[ Alarm Blaring ]
No, Daddy! [ Screaming ]
Chick, get 'em outta here! Get 'em off the rig now!
Get the hell down! This thing is gonna blow.
[ Screaming ]
[ Yelling Continues ] Chick, get down now!
Get down!
[ Dan ] Three dozen research calls, and every time, the same man is recommended.
He's worked on every terrain this planet can offer.
Whenever they said it couldn't be drilled, this guy drilled it.
Everybody all right? We struck oil, baby!
Somebody could've got k*lled out here today. You want that on your conscience?
High thumb. You are man, Harry.
Thumbs high. [ Helicopter Blades Whirring ]
You're fired.
Who's Harry Stamper?
Hey, I'm Harry Stamper. What's all this about?
Mr Stamper, I'm General Montgomery, commander of the Pacific air forces.
I've been sent here by the secretary of defense... on direct orders from the president of the United States.
[ Chuckling ] It's a matter of urgent national security.
I need you to get on that chopper right now, no questions asked.
Crazy Willie put you up to this?
I'm afraid I don't know Crazy Willie, sir. I'm dead serious about this.
Harry. What?
I swear to God, she never told me her age.
It's all right. Relax. It's about me.
Oh. Forget it!
All right, General, I'll go with you on one condition.
We're gonna have to take my daughter along.
What did I do? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Where you guys takin' her?
Sir, stay right here. Wh--
Chick, get him paid, get him off the rig!
Mr Stamper? Yeah, I'm Harry Stamper.
How you doin'? Miss Stamper.
I'm Dan Truman, Executive Director here.
Listen, on behalf of all of us, I'd really like to apologize-- Apologize.
I don't know if we can take any more apologies, Mr Truman.
We've been apologized to for the last 18-and-a-half hours.
So if you don't mind, how about if we just get on with it?
You tell us why we're here at the NASA Space Center.
We should probably talk alone.
Mr Truman, I don't keep any secrets from my daughter, Grace.
So whether you tell her now or I tell her later, she's gonna find out one way or the other.
So why don't we just get on with it?
[ Dan ] So when the Rogue comet hit the asteroid belt, it sent shrapnel right for us.
For the next 15 days, the Earth's in a sh**ting gallery.
Even if the asteroid itself hits the water, it's still hitting land.
It'll flash boil millions of gallons of seawater and slam into the ocean bedrock.
Now, if it's a Pacific Ocean impact-- which we think it will be-- it'll create a tidal wave three miles high, travelling at 1,000 miles an hour covering California and washing up in Denver.
Japan's gone. Australia's wiped out.
Half the world's population will be incinerated by the heat blast.
The rest'll freeze to death from nuclear winter.
[ Whispering ] That's unbelievable.
Well, actually, this is as real as it gets.
Well, it's coming right now.
Right for us at 22,000 miles an hour.
Not a soul on Earth can hide from it.
I take it you're not alerting everyone like this.
Nobody knows. That's the way it stays.
For the next ten days, there are only nine telescopes in the world... that can spot the asteroid, and we control eight of 'em.
The president's classified this information top secret.
If news like this got out, there'd be an overnight breakdown of basic social services worldwide.
Rioting, mass religious hysteria, total chaos, you can imagine.
Basically the worst parts of the Bible.
Six billion people on the planet.
Why'd you guys call me?
We need you to prep the team we're sending up. Up?
We'll send them to the asteroid, they'll land, drill a hole, they'll drop some nukes, take off and detonate, if we can fix this equipment problem.
The drilling unit's a prototype we've been building for the Mars project.
You, uh-- You might recognize the rig.
Yeah, well, I guess I should recognize it. It's my design.
[ Man Chattering On P.A. ] [ Helicopter Blades Whirring ]
Did you steal a key to the Patent Office ? Yeah, basically.
Let me get this straight. I got pulled off an oil rig, flown halfway around the world because you stole my drill design.
Couldn't read the plans right and did a pisspoor job of putting it together.
Patents don't apply to outer space. [ Dan ] You shut up, Quincy.
It's not going to Mars any more. It's gonna try to save this planet.
And we need to know what's wrong with it pretty quick.
You said we did a bad job of putting it together? No, I said... you did a pisspoor job of putting it together.
First of all, you got the flow system all reversed. Let me guess.
You've been tearin' up rotors and you can't figure out why. Yeah, that's right.
Well, that's because your cams are all wrong, Mr Wizard.
Who's been operating this thing?
Right there. We've actually--
We've had them training for eight months solid now. Eight whole months?
Well, pretty much, yeah. Well, gee whiz.
Well, this is the team that has to do the job up there.
We need you to train them down here.
Well, Mr Stamper, what do you think ?
You know, drilling's a science. It's an art.
I'm a third generation driller, doin' it all my life.
I still haven't got it all figured out.
I assume you sent for me because somebody told you I was the best.
Well, I'm only the best because I work with the best.
You don't trust the men you're working with, you're as good as dead.
Now you wanna send these boys into space, fine.
I'm sure they'll make good astronauts, but they don't know jack about drillin'.
What's your contingency plan? Contingency plan?
Your backup plan. You gotta have some kind of backup plan, right?
No, we don't have a backup plan.
This is it. This is the best that you could-- that the government-- the U.S. government can come up with.
I mean, you're NASA for cryin' out loud. You put a man on the moon.
You're geniuses. You're the guys that think this sh*t up.
I'm sure you got a team of men sittin' around somewhere right now, just thinkin' sh*t up and somebody backin' them up.
You tell me you don't have a backup plan, that these eight Boy Scouts right here, that is the world's hope, that's what you're tellin' me? Yeah.
Oh, Jesus. Damn it.
We're a little short on time here. Will you help us?
All they gotta do is drill? That's it.
No spacewalkin', no crazy astronaut stuff. Just drill.
How many men were you plannin' on takin' up there?
We're sendin' up two shuttles, two teams.
If I do this, I'm gonna wanna take my own men.
You got it.
So you're saying you'll help us? Yes, sir.
Thanks.
I just don't trust anybody else to do it, that's all.
[ Siren Wailing ] No, Mrs Curlene.
It's Harry Stamper. You see Bear, you tell him Harry's lookin' for him.
Those guys get off this rig, they scatter.
J. Otis Curlene Bear.
Probably the only black man on a big hog in Kadoka, South Dakota.
Come and get Papa Bear!
Uh, Max. You got a weight limit on the shuttle?
Max. Hey, Mama.
So sweet, Maxie.
Hey, would you give me one of them yellow jelly bear claws I like?
Are you in trouble with the law again? No, Mama.
Maxie. I swear, Mama. I'm--
You know I want Rockhound. We call him Hound because, well, he's horny.
[ Grace ] You might wanna start with every bar in New Orleans.
That is a big, shiny mount, isn't it ?
How long you been married? For two weeks.
See this diamond? Yeah.
It's not a diamond. Would you like another drink? Yeah.
Sir, F.B.I. So cute. No, thanks.
We have a national security matter. Good for you.
Let's go. Now.
How old are you?
Oscar Choice. Spacy but absolutely brilliant geologist.
He owns a horse ranch outside of EI Paso.
What the--
Mr Chick Chapel, at the craps table.
Caesar's Palace, Las Vegas, Nevada.
Yes! About time.
Charles Chapel, game's over.
[ Yelling ] [ Laughing ]
Who's gonna run the other rig? How about Benny? He's good.
The only one who knows how to run it as well as I do is A.J.
I thought you said you couldn't trust him.
I thought you said I could.
Yep, you are on your way, A.J.
Well, being in business for yourself has its advantages.
Make my own hours, nobody sh**t me in the leg.
You don't got a g*n on you now, do you?
Oh, good, 'cause I kinda wanted to get back to this whole thing... about you askin' me for help.
Does that mean that there's a job... that Mr All-Go-No-Quit-Big-Nuts Harry Stamper... can't handle by himself and needs my expert advice?
Somethin' like that, yeah.
Well, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I mean, is it something like that, or is it that?
You know, you and me got a real problem.
You know, Harry, there are only... five words I wanna hear from you right now.
Those words are:
You know, A.J., I really look up to you.
You've been a hero of mine for a long time, and I'm very impressed with your work.
I'm emotionally closed off. That's like-- That's like 11 words or something.
You know what? How about just, "A.J., I'm sorry, and I love ya." You know, A.J., there's not a job on the planet I want you to work with me on.
I mean that.
So what are you doin' here? Harry, what's the job?
Hey, Bear. What's up, baby? Yeah, baby. What's up? What's up?
What's up, Harry? Did NASA find oil on Uranus, man?
[ Groaning ]
[ Harry ] None of you have to go. We can just sit here on Earth, wait for this big rock to crash into it... and k*ll everything and everybody we know.
The United States government just asked us to save the world.
Anybody wanna say no? Twenty years.
Haven't turned you down once. I'm not about to start now.
I'm there.
Guess I can't let you go up there alone. I'm with you.
I mean, this is-- this is historic.
Guys, this is like deep blue hero stuff.
Of course I'm in.
While I don't share his enthusiasm, you know me.
Beam me up, Scotty.
You all right, Max? I-l don't-- I-l don't--
Whatever you think.
What about you? I'm in.
All right, then.
We go.
I don't mean to be the materialistic weasel of this group, but you think we'll get hazard pay out of this?
If you're trying to make me feel better about this scenario, give it up.
To tell you the truth, I'm kind of encouraged. This guy Chick here... was an Air Force commando for six years.
We got robbery, as*ault, arrest, resisting arrest.
We got a collection agent for the mob. Two of these guys have done serious time.
-Look, they're the best at what they do. -So am l.
And I'm not so optimistic.
We spend $250 billion a year on defence.
And here we are. The fate of the planet is in the hands... of a bunch of retards I wouldn't trust with a potato g*n.
So what's the verdict? They'll do it. They've made a few requests though.
Such as? [ Papers Rustling ]
Just a few things here.
Nothing really big. Just-- Well, as an example--
Uh, Oscar here's got some outstanding parking tickets. Wants 'em wiped off his record.
Fifty-six tickets in seven states.
I'll tell him, Oscar. I got it. Okay.
Uh, Noonan's got two women friends... that he'd like to see made American citizens, no questions asked.
Max would like you to bring back eight-track tapes.
Not sure if that's gonna work, but let's see what else.
Chick wants a full week's Emperor's Package at Caesar's Palace.
Hey, you guys wouldn't be able to tell us who actually k*lled Kennedy, would ya?
Uh, Bear would like to stay at the...
White Horse.
White House. White House.
White House. Yeah, he'd like to stay in the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House... for the summer.
Stuff like that.
Sure, I think we can take care of some of that.
Harry!
Yeah, one more thing.
None of them wanna pay taxes again.
Ever.
[ People Chattering, Machines Beeping ]
Who's that for? Mr Ed?
You stick that in me, I'm gonna s*ab you in the heart with it.
You ever see Pulp Fiction?
♪ Oh, say can you see ♪
Uh-oh. [ Groans ]
We're losin' him, we're losin' him. Clear! Kaboom!
Freddie, you all right? Does this look okay to you?
Does this look okay? It's not all bad. It's kinda tingly.
Mr Chapel, you're next!
Oh, gee, lady, I just came here to drill.
Oh, so did l.
Your triglycerides are way high, and your bad cholesterol is shockingly bad.
Gotta lay off those pork rinds, Bear!
Pork rinds this! Yeah!
Well, at least they're in good spirits.
Piece of cake. Look, you wanna compare brain pans?
I won the Westinghouse prize when I was 12. Big deal.
Published at 19. So what? I got a double doctorate from M.I.T. at 22.
Chemistry and geology. I taught at Princeton for two-and-a-half years.
You know, I think this might be the most uncomfortable room I've ever been in in my life.
Why do I do this? Because the money's good, the scenery changes, and they let me use expl*sives, okay?
Okay, you wanna be all psychological with me, that's fine.
I'll tell you one thing that really drives me nuts... is people who think Jethro Tull is just a person in the band.
Who is Jethro Tull?
My favourite dish is haggis. Heart, lungs, liver.
You shove that all in a sheep's stomach, then you boil it.
That'll put some hair on your ass.
I am not crazy. I'm just a little emotional right now, okay ?
You're all throwin' all this stuff at me, man. I mean--
After this is over, could l, like, get a hug from you or somethin'?
Okay, Cyclops lady is startin' to bug me.
Can you handle it ? I mean, I can handle what I'm, you know, gonna do.
I can handle that, but I don't know if I can handle this room.
Woman with large breasts.
Woman with medium breasts.
Here's Harry givin' me a hard time.
And this is Harry tellin' me it's not good enough.
And this is Harry tellin' me I can't marry his daughter. Thanks a lot. I appreciate it.
Just let it out. [ Crying ]
I suffered a major head injury when I was in high school.
This one looks like you... with breasts.
Yeah, I can handle it. Yeah, I can handle it.
A home run! The Cubs win the World Series! Ah--
Fail. Fail. Depressively fail.
One toxicology analysis revealed catamen.
That is a very powerful sedative.
Sedatives are used all the time, Doctor. This one's used on horses.
Some of these guys are pretty big.
It would normally take 18 months to psychologically prepare, prescreen viable subjects for space travel.
We have seen evidence of a wide variety of territorial aggression.
Can they physically survive the trip? That's all I need to know here, okay?
Personally, I don't know how they survived the tests.
Talk about the wrong stuff.
Good morning. I'm Colonel Willie Sharp.
In addition to flying one of the X-71 teams to that rock, my job is to train you to deal with the mental and physical rigors of working in space... so you don't freak out on the asteroid.
United States astronauts train for years.
You have 12 days.
Do we have any intelligent questions before we get started?
What's an X-71?
You're the first civilians to ever see her.
We call 'em the X-71s.
It's a top secret joint venture with the Air Force.
She and her sister ship in Vandenberg are leaving for launch prep in Florida.
Thought you oughta take a look. The two shuttles going up are the Freedom and lndependence.
Her titanium alloy impenetrable skin covers the toughest, meanest, most sophisticated space vehicle man has ever made.
Okay, Air Force Colonel Davis, NASA pilot Tucker... will command the shuttle lndependence.
Air Force Colonel Sharp, NASA pilot Watts, shuttle Freedom.
Munitions specialist Gruber and Halsey will supervise the nuclear ordinance.
Anyway, I just thought-- thought you guys should meet.
Gentlemen, welcome to our weightless environmental training facility.
So we're going swimming on this asteroid. Is that what this is for?
Here at downtown NASA, we call this monster "Armadillo."
Going to be retrofitted with your drilling arm.
She'll turn 800 turbo horses in near-zero gravity.
Mind if we take a look at her now?
All these rubber hoses gotta go, Max. Count 'em up.
Make sure it's short-throw shifters.
Quincy! Somebody tell me what this is.
Plastic ice cream scoop? What'd that cost? About $400.
This is about the sorriest group of people I've seen in all my entire m*llitary career.
Your space flight's gonna be a brutal as*ault on your senses.
I'm here to give you a taste of that. NASA's got some of the finest pilots in the world.
They're gonna be suckin' your eyes into the back of your heads.
Go easy on me, okay? It's my first time.
I just wanna seriously say I have a small fear of flying.
[ A.J. Screaming ]
I'm gonna twist ya. [ Screaming Continues ]
I'm gonna flip ya. What's the matter with you?
Frap your body till your bones hurt.
When you squeal, I'm just gonna go faster and harder.
No, take me down! [ Screaming ]
How's the rest of the crew? Well, uh--
Sorry about the rib chunks all over your dashboard.
Don't forget: We gotta X-ray all these--
If you had to say, who would you say? I don't know, Oscar.
Who do you think you are? Han Solo.
No, if anybody's anybody, I'm Han.
And you're-- you're Chewbacca.
Chewie? Have you even seen Star Wars?
[ Man ] All right, let's go.
Neil Armstrong, 1969, bouncing on the moon.
He's bouncing up there because there's less gravity up there than on Earth.
This will be similar to the asteroid, so watch it.
Something gets launched off that asteroid with enough force, it's gonna keep on going right into outer space.
What is the deal? ls it just me, or is Watts really hot?
Yeah.
We have these new generation suits with directional accelerant thrusters.
You won't bounce like Neil Armstrong. Yeah, think so ?
Bear! Yes?
Do we have a problem? No.
'Cause I'm trying to describe to you how these D.A.T.s keep your ass on the ground.
So that if I were to kick you in the balls, Ooh. and you don't know how to work them, what happens to you?
I float away. Yeah.
And when do we start training for that?
Gentlemen, I'll give you 30 seconds to put your helmets on.
Then the oxygen will be sucked out of this vacuum, and you will know what it's like to be in space. Go!
[ Man On P.A. ] Depressurize in 30 seconds.
Main valves have been activated.
Okay, gentlemen, so here's the flight plan.
Now let's keep the laughter to a minimum. I know this is not to scale.
Both shuttles will take off Tuesday at 6:30 p.m.
Now 67 minutes later, you're gonna dock with the Russian space station to meet cosmonaut Andropov... who will refuel the shuttles with liquid O2.
That's your fuel. Then you'll release... and take a 60-hour trip toward the moon.
Now we only have one sh*t of landing on this rock, and that's precisely when the asteroid passes by the moon.
You'll then use lunar gravity and burn your thrusters, slingshotting you around the moon, coming up behind the asteroid.
You'll be upward of 11 Gs. Yeah, I remember this one.
It's where the coyote sat his ass down in a slingshot... and he strapped himself to an Acme rocket.
Is-ls that what we're doin' here? Rockhound.
No, no, really, because it didn't work out too well for the coyote, Harry.
[ Overlapping Chattering ] Actually, we have a lot better rockets than the coyote.
Now when you've finished... your Road Runner thrust move, you'll be moving at 22,500 miles per hour.
Coming around behind the asteroid, where we're hoping that the tail debris will be cleared by the moon's gravity.
And you'll land right here. That's it.
We got separate landing sites for each team.
Softest parts of the rock as we can figure.
At NASA, we don't take chances. We double up on everything.
First team that hits 800 feet wins.
Now this rock is big, dense. It's got some gravity. You can walk around, but use your thrusters so you can work easier.
Okay, Mr Truman, let's say that we actually do land on this.
What's it gonna be like up there?
Two hundred degrees in the sunlight. Minus 200 in the shade.
Canyons of razor-sharp rock. Unpredictable gravitational conditions.
Unexpected eruptions. Things like that.
Okay, so the scariest environment imaginable. Thanks.
That's all you gotta say: scariest environment imaginable.
Okay, so you drill, you drop the nuke and you leave.
Now here's the key. You're gonna remote detonate the b*mb... before the asteroid passes this plane, zero barrier.
You do that, and the remaining pieces of rock... should be deflected enough to pass right by us.
Now if the b*mb explodes after zero barrier,
game's over.
Paul, this is Houston, fire your rockets!
[ Imitating Rocket Blasting ] Okay, your rockets are maximum.
Oscar! Hey, Harry. Hey, how's it goin'?
Have you seen Grace ? Yeah, she's over in the hangar with A.J.
Harry, wait a second. Did you say Grace? Okay, I thought you said Bear.
Will you marry me?
Grace is old enough to vote, Harry.
She's old enough to drink or get married if she wants to, get a divorce.
Let me tell you something, fellas. When I get back, when we get this job done, I will deal with this in my own way.
Come on, Harry. It's not like I'm rootin' for A.J. here.
I'm just sayin', Grace is not a little girl any more. Hey, Rock.
Wait a minute. Let me get a pencil and a piece of paper.
I wanna jot down all your pearls of wisdom here.
Get serious, Harry. Come on. While we're off trottin' the globe, hunting mud, Gracie grew up to become a full-blown hottie, you know?
Harry, she is fully hot. She is-- She's a babe.
Max, okay, you're talkin' about my little girl, all right ?
I think I know who and what she is, okay ?
Harry, all we're sayin' is, we're talkin' about a kid who's comin' into her own right now.
She's gettin' curious about her body, and she's exploring her sexuality. You know what?
Oscar. That's a natural thing.
You are about five minutes older than Grace is. Why should I listen to you?
I know what it feels like to have your hormones pullin' you in just... a thousand different directions.
No disrespect, man, but we all helped to raise her.
So, in part, we all feel like a bunch of daddies here. That's true.
I'll be damned if I worked all these years so my little girl can marry a roughneck.
She's better than that.
Better than all of us.
Harry, just sit back, relax. I'm gonna put on a free Armadillo driving clinic.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, Harry! Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
[ Shouting ]
Two shuttle teams.
A.J.'ll be running the drill team with Oscar, Bear and Noonan on the lndependence.
I'll run the drill team on Freedom with Chick, Rockhound and Max.
Once we land, we'll have eight hours to get the job done.
In order to split this rock on the fault line, we're gonna have to drill to 800 feet.
Let's get our game faces on. Now it's time for underwater simulation.
[ A.J. ] Come on. Let's keep it up. Let's go. We're the younger team here.
We're on the varsity team. Take it to 11,000.
Okay, gentlemen, we're gonna trick 'em up. My computer will simulate... a gas pocket at 625 feet and then hard iron ferrite at 635.
I'm gonna drill some more. We're takin' her up.
I'm givin' it more torque right now. All right, lookin' good, Bear.
Clamp it down. Watch your time, lndependence team.
Thanks, Harry. Would you mind lettin' me run my own team?
You're gonna blow the tr*nny. Slow it down, baby. Take it easy, Bear.
Just relax. She can handle it.
A.J., you're at 600 feet. Your pipe is long. Let's back the R.P.M.s down to 8,000.
We don't have time for 8,000! A.J., take it back down.
You're gonna snap the pipe. I don't wanna blow this transmission.
Damn it, 11,000. Slow it down, A.J.
Bear, come on. Get on our team for a little bit.
Oh, space cowboy.
Harry, are you listenin' to this? Yeah, I'm listenin', Bear.
You don't work for Harry any more, okay? Out there, you gotta listen to me.
When we're on that rocket, you gotta do what I say.
I'm throttling up to another 1,000.
A.J., back it off. You're gonna blow the transmission.
Hey, Harry, would you let me run my team, please?
R.P.M.s are at red line. Bear, g*dd*mn it, I know what I'm doing.
Come on. She can handle this. She'll be fine. Trust me.
A.J., back down. The number one transmission is down.
Oh, son of a-- The computer's wrong, and you know that.
We did the right thing. We're gonna restart the simulation.
If you wanna replace a member of the crew, now is the time.
I'll take care of this. Get him out of the t*nk, Chick.
You wanna go home? ls that it? You wanna be fired? No, I don't.
My crew was doing the right thing. Your crew?
Yeah. Your crew just blew the transmission, A.J.!
Listen, that NASA computer is just playin' it safe.
The machine you built-- the rig-- could do it.
Shut up. Just shut up! Shut your mouth!
Those men in that room have zero tolerance for showin' off, hot doggin', goin' by your gut instinct or you tryin' to be a hero, you got that?
Say the words, A.J.! I got it!
I want my men to have tomorrow night off. What do you mean "off"?
I mean, off. Out of here. For at least ten hours. Then we'll go to Kennedy.
Well, there's no possible way we can do that, Harry.
There's a potentially huge security risk. What if they talk?
What if they get hurt? What if they're too burnt out to do the right thing?
What if they get up there, and they forget what they're fighting for?
You see what's goin' on. These boys are ready to snap.
They didn't ask to be here. They got pulled off the street.
For all we know, tomorrow night could be the last night they ever see Earth.
I don't think it's too much to ask to let 'em spend it with their families.
Listen, there's no possible way we can do that. You got family, Colonel?
Two girls. Wouldn't you like to spend tomorrow with your girls?
I'm not askin' ya. I'm tellin' ya.
Make this happen.
This is a pretty big loan. Why don't you count the cash?
Nah, this looks like 100 grand to me.
I'm givin' you this at 60 percent. I hope you know what you're doin', because I'll bust your head with a sledgehammer.
You'll get your money back. You don't look too healthy.
You're not gonna die on me, are ya?
Let's just say, no more than you are. Thanks, Vic.
♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪
♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪
♪ 'Cause I'd miss you, baby ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪
You know what I was thinkin'? What?
I really don't think that the animal cr*cker qualifies as a cr*cker.
Why? Well, 'cause it's sweet, which to me suggests cookie.
And, you know, putting cheese on something is sort of the defining characteristic... of what makes a cr*cker a cr*cker.
I don't know why I thought of that. I just--
Baby, you have such sweet pillow talk.
I got a little animal cr*cker, Discovery Channel thing happenin' right here.
Watch the gazelle, as he grazes through the open plains.
Now look, as the cheetah approaches.
Watch, as he st*lks his prey.
Now, the gazelle's a little spooked, and he could head north to the ample sustenance... provided by the mountainous peaks above.
[ Imitating Gazelle ]
He could go south.
The gazelle now faces man's most perilous question:
North... or south?
Way down under.
Tune in next week. [ Giggling ]
Baby, do you think it's possible that anyone else in the world... is doing this very same thing at this very same moment?
I hope so.
Otherwise, what the hell are we tryin' to save?
♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪
♪ I don't wanna fall asleep 'cause I'd miss you, baby ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪ ♪
Hey.
What are you doing here?
I was just passin' by on the, uh--
I came--
Who's he?
That man's a salesman.
Would you go inside?
Thank you.
[ Door Opens ]
He got big. [ Door Closes ]
You can't come around like this. The court says you can't.
It confuses him. No, I know. I just--
I wanted to say... that I'm sorry... about everything.
I got somethin' comin' up. It's somethin' kinda big.
You just might be proud of me.
Would you do somethin' for me? Would you just give him this?
You don't have to-- You don't have to tell him who it's from. Just--
♪ Everybody talkin' about what it is, what it ain't ♪
♪ Kiss on the devil and you piss off a saint ♪
♪ But it can't be love if you don't have to crawl ♪
♪ You say you only love him but you got to have it all ♪
Hey, Noonan, you need ten grand?
We gotta put these girls through college.
I love this astronaut stuff.
Good work, if you can get it.
Yeah, I'm just in town doin' a little astronaut training.
Ooh ! Astronauta.
Ah, si. I'm a mission specialist.
Yes, and what's that mean? I don't know.
Hey! Who the hell do you think you guys are?
You're hoggin' all the action. Hey, pinhead.
Why don't you go find your own party?
Why don't you spread the wealth, pal?
Here. Why don't you go buy yourself a neck?
Hey, Mr Clean!
[ Women Screaming ] [ Yelling ]
Call NASA! They'll confirm it! We're astronauts! Get over there. Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, we're astronauts! Yeah, we're all astronauts.
You are so messing with national security right now, man. You are fired tomorrow morning.
I'm telling ya. I'll get the C.I.A. and the F.B.I.
You'll be workin' security at Toys 'R' Us.
Oh, oh, baby, no, no. No, no! Bye-bye, little astronaut.
Oh, don't leave, baby. No, no, no. See, I'm goin' into space, and I'm not comin' back.
It's coming in at 30,000 miles an hour!
Give me a projected impact. East Asia, 11 minutes.
We're gonna have to warn-- Warn who? The entire South Pacific?
[ People Chattering ln Chinese Dialect ]
[ Loud Rumbling ]
[ People Screaming ]
[ Phone Rings ]
So the whole world knows.
Tell me you've never let anybody down before.
I never quit yet.
How's that? I guess that'll have to do.
You know somethin'?
I still remember the first, middle and last name... of every guy that qualified for the astronaut programme first year I was here.
Thanks. I went into the engineering programme. Kinda had to.
But boy, I wanted to go up there.
I wanted to be one of those guys with a mission patch on my arm.
I tell you, I'd be on that shuttle with you, Harry, if I could.
[ Laughs ]
You don't want to be up in that shuttle any more than I do.
Good luck in Florida tomorrow.
[ Female Newscaster #1 ] The death of 50,000 people in Shanghai yesterday has rattled--
[ Male Newscaster #1 ] A French satellite has tracked an object in space--
[ Female Newscaster #2 ] Sources are estimating that the tidal wave was five--
[ Male Newscaster #2 ] This is CNN, live in Florida.
We have just learned that NASA is on a full-scale m*llitary alert.
They're calling this a global k*ller.
[ Female Newscaster #3 ] The government has been very tight-lipped throughout this--
[ Female Newscaster #4 ] The Pentagon is getting involved at this point... with some kind of a project involving NASA and perhaps a shuttle mission--
Senior Pentagon officials refused comment, adding fuel to the speculation... that there could be a very serious problem.
[ Truman ] We have a special team of astronauts that arrived in Florida this evening.
NASA's in emergency launch preparation in cooperation with Russian, Japanese... and French space agencies on the most massive joint space venture in history.
Gracie?
Got your note.
What're you doin' out here, honey? Um, just thinkin'.
Yeah.
I, um, want to apologize to you for--
Oh, no, Grace, stop. You don't have to apologize at all.
I-l sh-- I shouldn't have dragged you around on all those oil rigs.
I just--
I don't think that I did the right thing with you.
You're wrong. I love my life.
I love everything about my life.
And I don't blame you for my mother leaving.
She left us both.
And I love you.
And don't talk like you're not comin' back.
Promise me that you'll come back.
Okay. Say, "l promise."
I promise, Grace.
It's gonna be all right, Grace.
If it's not too much trouble, can you please bring my fiancee home with you?
Oh, Jesus.
The president will be addressing the nation and all of you personally within the hour.
Astronauts.
I'll see you in a couple days, honey.
♪ All my bags are packed ♪
♪ I'm ready to go ♪
♪ I'm standin' here outside your door ♪ ♪ ♪ [ Humming ]
♪ I hate to wake you up ♪
♪ To say goodbye ♪
♪ So kiss me and smile for me ♪
♪ Let me know you'll wait for me ♪
♪ Hold me like you'll never let me go ♪
[ Grunting ] ♪ 'Cause I'm leavin' ♪
♪ On a jet plane ♪
♪ Don't know when I'll be back again ♪
♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪
♪ I don't know when I'll be back again ♪
♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪
♪ I don't know when I'll be back again ♪
♪ Leavin' on a jet plane Don't know when I'll be back again ♪ So, Truman, this is who you found to save the planet.
Frost, you good to go? Mm-hmm. One-- One sec.
♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪ -That boy don't take anything seriously.
Yeah. Reminds me of a guy I used to know.
♪ Aah ♪ ♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪
♪ I don't know when I'll be back again ♪ I'm marrying you.
Bet your ass you are. ♪ Leavin' on a jet plane ♪
♪ I don't know when I'll be back again ♪ ♪
[ Crowd Cheering ]
I address you tonight, not as the President of the United States, not as the leader of a country, but as a citizen of humanity.
We are faced with the very gravest of challenges.
The Bible calls this day Armageddon, the end of all things.
And yet, for the first time... in the history of the planet, a species has the technology... to prevent its own extinction. [ Translator On TV ]
All of you praying with us need to know... that everything that can be done to prevent this disaster... is being called into service.
The human thirst for excellence, [ Translator On Radio ] knowledge, every step up the ladder of science, every adventurous reach into space, all of our combined modern technologies and imaginations, even the wars that we've fought, have provided us the tools... to wage this terrible battle.
Through all the chaos that is our history, [ Translator On TV ] through all of the wrongs and the discord, through all of the pain and suffering, through all of our times, there is one thing that has... nourished our souls... Mom, that salesman's on TV. and elevated our species above its origins, and that is our courage.
Dreams of an entire planet are focused tonight... on those 14 brave souls... travelling into the heavens.
That man's not a salesman.
That's your daddy. And may we all, citizens the world over, see these events through.
Godspeed and good luck to you.
Freedom crew. Independence crew.
How ya feelin' ? Uh, good, you know.
I mean, considering I've never been this scared in my entire life. I-- You know--
Listen. Once you get up there, you're gonna be on your own.
If anything should happen, I just wanted to-- I know, Harry.
I'll, uh, try not to disappoint you.
Take care of yourself, kid.
[ Man #1 ] Freedom's on the bridge. Attention in the f*ring room.
Oxidizer loading is complete. [ Man #2 ] lndependence on the bridge.
[ Man #1 ] Attention all personnel. We are T minus two hours to the programme goal.
Hey, Harry. [ Harry ] Yeah, Rock?
You know, we're sittin' on four million pounds of fuel, one nuclear w*apon... and a thing that has 270,000 moving parts... built by the lowest bidder. [ Grunts ]
Makes you feel good, doesn't it? Yeah.
How ya doin', Oscar? Great.
I got that excited, scared feelin'--
Iike 98 percent excited, 2 percent scared.
Maybe more. It could be 2-- It could be 98 percent scared, 2 percent excited.
But that's what makes it so intense, is it's so confused. I can't really figure it out.
Will you make mine really tight, 'cause I don't want to fall out?
I mean, almost to the point of cutting off circulation.
[ Harnesses Clattering ] Ow.
It must be a comfort to know that if the space programme goes under, you can always get a job at Helga's House of Pain, huh?
All right. Flight directors on with the go/no-go for launch.
Retro. Booster. Go flight. Go flight.
Ecos. Trajectory. Go flight. Go flight.
FIDO. EVA. Go flight. Go flight.
CAPCOM Freedom. CAPCOM lndependence. Go flight.
Go flight. All right, ladies and gentlemen, it's pucker time.
Independence and Freedom, this is Kennedy f*ring room. We're T minus one minute.
All crew members, close and lock your visors.
Independence, this is launch control. Be advised, we're in a smooth count.
T minus 31. You're go for auto-sequence start.
P.L.T.s, perform your A.P.U. pre-start.
Okay, gentlemen, you're our warriors up there. God be with you.
You're already heroes. Just sit back and enjoy the ride.
[ Man Chattering On Radio ]
We're T minus 20 seconds.
[ Chattering Continues ]
Ten. Nine. Eight. Seven.
Four. Three. Two. One.
[ Roaring ] We have main engine start.
We have booster ignition. We're going.
And liftoff.
Freedom, this is flight deck. [ Sharp On Radio ]
Roger, Freedom. You're looking good.
We have go for lndependence. Three. Two. One.
Independence, we have booster ignition. [ Chattering Continues ]
We have liftoff. We are cooking, Houston.
Houston, the tower is clear. They're all yours.
[ Cheering ]
[ Shuttles Roaring ] Heads up, everybody. They're ours now.
All engines are go. Keep a sharp eye out on both of 'em.
[ Radio Chatter Continues ]
[ Sharp ] Start roll manoeuvre.
Two good roll programmes. One down. Independence, we have max cue.
Roger, Control. We are a max cue.
S.R.B. sep-- [ Engines Roaring ]
We are single-engine, press, demi-go. Copy, press, demi-go.
Houston, this is a kick-ass ride!
Freedom, this is Houston. Main engine cut out on schedule. Out.
[ Engines Cut Out ]
Freedom, stats are good.
Independence, telemetry is up and running. Oh, my God.
This is space! 'Course, we're just in the beginning part of space.
We-We haven't gotten to outer space yet.
Roger, Houston. We have a visual on the Russian space station. Initiating retro burn.
Gentlemen, remember the Russian space station has been up there for 11 years.
Most of us don't have cars that old.
Now, the cosmonaut on board has been on that tin can for 18 months, alone.
So don't be surprised if he's a little... off.
Independence, we're gonna put you-- All right, crew.
Let's exit these flight suits. [ Laughing ]
[ Russian Accent ] Hello.
This is Russian space station. Can you hear me ?
[ Speaks Russian ] We copy, Russian space station. This is Houston.
I'm ready to fire my thrusters any time.
Stand by. Okay. I'm not going anywhere.
We have a go. Initiate gravitational spin.
[ Chattering On Radio ] [ Thrusters Roaring ]
You are maxed at 40-percent spin. [ Moans ]
Okay, Houston.
I can feel I'm having gravity.
All right, gentlemen. We're gonna dock in a minute.
Now, the Russian space station has fired her rockets...
Whee ! to simulate gravity and let us work faster.
It's gonna make you queasy, so prepare yourself.
Well, it's about time. I haven't thrown up in about an hour. [ Laughing ]
Initiating first phase of docking procedure.
Switching to manual. Manual override.
One foot per second. Let's take this slow and do it right, folks. Twenty feet.
[ Blipping ] Ten feet.
Looking good on radar. Five feet.
[ Clanking, Hissing ]
Locks are engaged. Fuel teams, let's go.
Freedom, telemetry is looking good.
[ Hissing ] We have soft dock.
[ Sharp ] Fuel teams, prepare to unload.
All right, gentlemen, watch your heads.
Let's go, lndependence.
Colonel.
♪ ♪ [ Russian Folk ]
Where is he? Anybody home?
Welcome, everybody!
I am not gas station. This is sophisticated laboratory. I'm in charge.
So do not be touching anything.
I need one-- I need you. Go with him.
I need you. Hurry up. Hurry up. Come on. Come on.
It's very important you watch the fuel gauge, okay? Put on cold suit.
Countdown clock will hold at-- Copy that, Houston. Prepping for fuel transfer.
Countdown clock will hold at T minus 20 minutes and--
Fuel pod is down there.
It's down here, huh? Great.
[ Hissing ]
[ All Chattering ]
Okay, let's connect these fuel lines.
Freedom on the left, lndependence on the right.
All right. We're goin' left here.
To the right is fuel gauge. You watch the fuel gauge. One fifty, okay.
One sixty, okay. Two hundred, bad disaster for space station.
So if you watch 200, you call for Lev, on, and you see here number one. Off.
You ask for Lev. And you pull this down, all the way down.
What's Lev ? I am Lev Andropov, colonel of Russian space agency.
In Russia I'm a very big man.
We're ready to transfer. I'm coming. No problem.
[ All Chattering ]
You. You. You there!
Hard locked. Ready for transfusion!
[ Beeps ] [ Hissing ]
[ Lev ] Fuel is pumping.
Hey, Lev, the, uh, the-the pressure's climbing.
[ A.J. Continues, Radio Static Hissing ]
Still, we're on fuel transference.
Don't touch my uncle. You know?
He's a genius of my family.
[ Hissing ] Lev ! Can anybody hear me ? Guys ? Hello, guys !
[ No Audio ] He used to work for a big b*mb factory.
He used to make the tip of the b*mb, the thing... that finds, uh, New York or Washington, you know?
Ooh. Check your hoses. We got some thermal variation.
Stamper, let's look at the couplings, back on the shuttle.
Okay. Shut down. Uh--
[ Grunting ]
[ Motors Grinding Down ]
Uh-- Guys !
[ Sharp ] What's that noise?
Oh, no! God!
What is it?
[ Shouting ln Russian ] Leak! Leak!
Get your men back to the shuttle! Go!
Go! Hurry up! Get out of there!
You know, this really smarts! Pull lever!
This is the lever!
Colonel, we must get him out of there! A.J., come on out!
Aah! Aah! Hurry! Hurry!
Emergency break away!
We got a fire in the fuel pod!
Come on! Come on! Get in here! A.J.'s stuck in the fuel pod!
We're losing it! [ All Shouting ]
[ All Shouting ]
Control, this is lndependence. I am seeing vibration--
[ All Shouting ]
Malloy, talk to me! Not good. We got sparks and fire in the fuel pod.
Independence, blow those locks and get outta there now!
Dump the hoses now! We're going!
What happened? Let me shut off the O2 feed! Harry, it's burnin' up!
Damn! Max, Rock, get in here!
Get down there and cr*ck these pipes over here!
Harry, it's burnin' up! We're goin' back for the other team!
[ Chatter On Radio ] [ Man ] Switch on the personnel locators.
Trackin' A.J. He's climbin'.
No! Go! Go!
It's too late! Get back to the shuttle! This thing's gonna blow!
No!
Colonel, we gotta move now! Come on! Close the hatch!
Wait a minute! Wait a minute! We got a man in there!
Open that door, and we'll all die! Fuel leak!
[ All Shouting ]
Evac now! Let's go! Let's go!
Come on back! No, wait! The door is broken!
No ! They got the fire sealed in the fuel pod.
They locked it down. [ Man On P.A. ] Tracking men to the shuttle.
They've still got two men trapped in there!
Keep running! The shuttle's another 75 feet! Where's the rest of the team?
[ All Shouting ] Where's A.J.?
A.J.'s gone! We're not leavin' without A.J.!
He's gone! It's too late!
Come on! This way is our only chance!
So it's minus hundred!
Very cold. Hold breath, or lung freezes!
[ Shouting ] Get back to the shuttle! And lock that door!
[ All Shouting ]
It's on fire! It's on fire, Harry! It's them or all of us!
It's on fire. Full thrust. We're gonna get hit.
[ Rattling, Hissing ]
[ Gasping ]
Lev! Lev, the door's gonna blow!
No!
Oh! We're going! It's gonna blow!
-A.J.'s still in there! -Blow the locks. No, the bolts! -We've gotta--
I think we're almost there! [ All Shouting ]
Flight, lndependence does not have A.J. They're gonna close the door without him.
[ Man ] Tracking. They're 75 feet from the shuttle.
Just tell 'em to air lock the door and go! Dog the hatch now!
Close it! [ expl*si*n ]
Ho-- [ Exploding ]
Whoa, whoa, whoa! Colonel! That thing's comin' right for-- We got to move!
Hurry up! There's the shuttle door! [ Shouting ]
Fire's coming at us! Close the door now!
Go! Go! Go!
Freedom, the lndependence crew is on board and accounted for.
We're even heavy one cosmonaut. They got 90 percent of their fuel.
Pretty intense, huh?
That's why I told you, "Touch nothing."
But you're bunch of cowboys.
So while the consciousness of the planet is unified, focused on the NASA mission taking place right now in the vast ocean of space, [ Speaking Russian ] we're now in the final hours of the mission, as the Freedom and lndependence prepare to slingshot around the moon.
Morning, guys. It's time to suit up, I guess.
Uh, we got a big day.
Eighteen seconds to radio interrupt. Booster sequence confirmed.
This is Houston. Roger that, Freedom. We copy.
Shuttles are ready for the burn around the moon.
Radio contact terminated. We're out.
Nine and a half Gs for 11 minutes. I'd start praying about right now.
So this is the part where we're supposed to just... hold on real tight and, uh, hope we don't die.
Stand by for lunar roll. High inclination. Lunar orbit.
You boys got those wills filled out correctly?
All right, men, this is what we trained for. Now just suck it up!
On the mark. Five. Four.
Three. Two. One.
Is this supposed to be like this? Don't worry. This is normal.
How would you know? [ Groaning ]
Fourteen thousand miles an hour. Four Gs.
Ahh! How long does this last? Six Gs.
Fifteen thousand. Really heavy, man! This isn't normal.
What do you mean, "this isn't normal"? This is way worse!
Eight Gs. Hang tight!
We're not gonna make it! Oh, we're gonna die!
Twelve minutes. Flight, we still got nothin' here.
[ All Groaning ] This is too fast!
Ten Gs! [ Groaning Continues ]
[ Groaning ] [ Laughing ]
[ Sharp ] We're maxed at 22,500!
[ Groaning ] [ Rattling Ceases ]
[ Exhales ]
We have acquisition of signal from lndependence and Freedom.
[ Relieved Chattering ] We're in, guys. All right. Welcome back, team.
We have visual of the target, Houston.
You see that?
Wow. [ Computer Blipping ]
Come in, lndependence. [ Sharp ] Houston, you gotta see this to believe it.
Okay, team, let's take 'em in. Okay, Quincy, how much tail debris do we have?
[ Man ] Freedom, turn on FOD radar.
FOD radar on. [ Blipping ]
Everybody, hang on. This could get a little rough. Engaging evasive radar.
Hold on!
g*dd*mn! We got debris!
[ Watts ] We're dumping auxiliary boosters.
Houston, do you read me? We got debris!
We're goin' in! We're comin' in hot!
Independence, try to maintain your present heading. You've got a target L.Z.
There's too much debris! We gotta peel off! Negative!
[ Loud Crashing ] We're hit!
Mayday, mayday ! I've lost main thrusters. Get 'em back up !
Mayday, Houston, mayday! We've lost R.C.S. thrusters!
Mayday, Freedom, mayday! We are out of control! We are going down!
Do you read me? Freedom, we are going down!
[ All Shouting ] [ Thrusters Roaring ]
We're gonna hit! [ Blipping ]
Everybody, go to your own life support! Lock yourself in the cargo bay!
We are going down! Houston! Houston, we are going down! We have lost control!
I can't get it on!
Good luck, Freedom. Oh, my God, this is it.
[ Blipping ] [ All Screaming ]
[ Lev Shouting ln Russian ]
[ Screams ]
Sharp, what the hell is that? ls that the lndependence?
[ Sharp ] Houston, lndependence is a dead stick. They're not gonna make it.
Houston, lndependence has gone down.
When I touch this baby down, full reverse thrust.
Fires on your right, Sharp! Reversing the thrusters! [ Thrusters Roaring ]
Hang tight! Hang tight!
Houston, we overshot our landing field. We overshot our landing field.
Oh, no!
[ Grunting ] [ Ice Smashing ]
[ Shouting ]
God! Aah!
[ Crashing Stops ] [ Whimpering, Panting ]
[ Whimpering ] [ Panting ]
Initiate system light system check. Make sure we can still get off this rock.
Our electrical system is screwed. I'm going to back-up. Fuel seals check.
Engine seals check. Pressure seals check. Oh, God. Oh!
Anyone hurt? [ Panting ] Where's--
Where's the other shuttle? What happened to the other shuttle?
Independence is off the grid. "Off the grid"?
What are you, a freakin' cyborg? What does that mean?
Hey, you saw it yourself, right?
They're gone.
Come in, Freedom. This is CAPCOM Houston. Freedom, come in.
This is CAPCOM Houston. Come in, Freedom.
God! Let's just ask God to take care of our friends.
May they rest in peace. Amen.
[ Computers Blipping ]
We got eight hours. [ Gasps ]
Let's get this job done and go home.
Nothin'.
Come on, Watts, Sharp, somebody.
This is CAPCOM Houston.
Come in, Freedom. Freedom, come in. This is CAPCOM Houston.
Maybe you shouldn't be here. I don't have anywhere else to go.
Freedom, come in. This is CAPCOM Houston.
All right, let's get the tools unpacked and fire up the Armadillo.
We're not getting a damn thing on the inertial nav system. I know where we are.
Please step away. Radio signal's dead.
I'm flipping the backup generator.
Radio signal's gonna be cut in half till we get main power back.
We're in segment 202, lateral grid 9, site 15H-32, give or take a few yards.
Captain America here blew the landing by 26 miles. How the hell do you know that?
Because I'm a genius. The gauges will not read.
They're all peaked, like we're plugged into some magnetic field.
Well, who on this spaceship wants to know why ? [ Sharp ] By all means.
The reason we were sh**ting for grid 8 is because... thermographics indicated that grid 9 was compressed iron ferrite.
Which means that you landed us on a g*dd*mn iron plate.
All right. Well, you heard the man. Let's wheel out the remote satellite link.
We need that radio. Oh, God, please tell me we still got one of 'em.
[ Computers Beeping ] [ Man ] lndependence has flat-lined.
[ Weeping ]
[ Sighs, Grunting ]
Oh. Oh.
Oscar! Oscar!
Oh, God!
Hello! Anyone!
Is anyone else alive? Somebody, help me!
A.J.!
Where are you? I'm here.
[ Grunting ]
Lev, there's no one else.
There's no one else. I know.
[ Bear ] Oh, man.
[ A.J. ] Bear, where are you? [ Bear ] A.J.? A.J.?
[ Bear ] I'm in the shuttle, man. [ Grunts ]
Are you all right? I'm so glad to see you, man.
I never thought I'd be so happy to see your ugly face.
Houston, do you read? This is Freedom. [ Sharp ] Check your thrusters.
[ Watts ] Houston, do you copy? [ Sharp ] ls everyone good to go?
Wow.
[ Harry ] Down here! ln the valley!
This place is like Dr Seuss's worst nightmare.
Let's get the remote satellite. We'll get better reception up there.
[ Harry ] Bring Max down. Watch yourself through here, Max.
There're a couple big fissures. To the left !
Bring it to the left!
[ Harry ] Rockhound, you come on down here and take some readings down in the flat spot.
[ Beeping ] Iron ferrite.
I have fire. [ Harry ] Watts, I'm comin' back. Stand by.
Mostly iron, Rockhound. God, I hate knowing everything.
We couldn't have picked a worse spot to drill.
Well, I can pretty much guarantee it's not gonna be thicker than 50 feet.
How do you figure that? 'Cause if it is, we're screwed.
Max, you good? Yeah. Just makin' hole.
Turn it around. [ Max ] Friggin' outer space.
It's good.
All right. We're in. Another light. We're cuttin' through pretty good.
There's some stuff in here I ain't never seen.
All right, let's punch it down! [ Metal Creaking ]
Hey, Harry, did you see that? Yeah, Max, I see it. I see it. What is it?
We lost the bite in the bit. All right. Back it off. Back it off.
g*dd*mn it!
Sounds like we twisted a shank. Back it out of there, Max. Good. Good. Hold 'er there.
Wow, this is a g*dd*mn Greek tragedy.
We've all seen broken drill heads before. Not after ten feet.
I never seen one. Well, now you've seen one.
What do you want? Unpack the Judge.
[ A.J. ] Bear, Lev.
[ Lev ] We're only three astronauts left now.
[ A.J. ] We're not astronauts. We're oil drillers. We're not even supposed to be here.
What? You're not astronaut?
I'm getting us outta here. Get in.
Why ? Just get in the Armadillo. I have an idea.
Houston, this is Freedom. Do you copy?
Houston, do you copy ? Freedom shuttle has--
[ Radio Static Hissing ] We're gettin' some scattered video feeds here.
[ Watts ] Houston, this is Freedom. Do you copy?
Thank God we have you, Freedom. Freedom, this is Houston. Go ahead.
Don't lose 'em, Malloy. Sharp, I'm getting something.
Houston, this is Freedom. We have landed safely. Where are they?
We are at site coordinates approximately 15H-32--
Okay, I want to know everything we can about that location. Got it.
Get it before we lose 'em. We're also having electric and antenna difficulties.
Walter, get Mechanical on that. But we have commenced drilling.
Stevens, we're losin' him. Bring it up on four. On four. Come on.
Shuttle flight capability not yet known.
Bump the signal. Bumping. Houston. Houston.
We lost 'em. Get 'em back. Gruber, we need that hookup.
Show you how we do things where I come from.
Hold on! [ Metal Crumpling ]
Seat it.
All right, get ready. Max, thread it.
Guys, the clock is tickin'. Let's go, go, go, go, go!
All right! Good! Crank it loose!
Keep it at 25. Let's kick a little asteroid butt!
All right, Chick. Give me more torque on the turbine, huh?
[ Drill Whining ] [ Harry ] Max, I need some more power down here!
All right, boss. Throw it in fourth, then drop the hammer.
Let's drill through this turd. [ Harry ] Come on, boys.
We gotta hop. We're fallin' behind. Dig, dig, dig. Chew this iron bitch up.
[ Metal Whining ]
Chick, the tr*nny's stuck. Harry!
What is it? Chick, come on! Help!
Release the clutch! Pull it up!
Okay. Well, this thing's not movin'.
No, no, no! Shut it down! Shut it--
[ Groaning ]
This is not workin' out, Harry.
Oh, are you all right ? Oh, blew the tr*nny. Blew the tr*nny.
Come on, God.
Just a little help. That's all I'm askin'.
I think we're close enough. He might've heard ya.
Here's the bad news. Before the asteroid passed the moon, her rotation was stable at 32 degrees on an x axis.
But now look at this. The lunar gravity's put her in a spin.
She's tumbling on all three axes. This wasn't expected, sir.
What does this do for communications? Not good.
We'll have definite contact with the shuttle for only seven more minutes.
After that it's radio darkness. For how long?
And after seven minutes, we may never hear from them again.
But we're trying to bounce a signal... off a Russian m*llitary satellite, reestablish contact that way.
If we lose the shuttle com, when do we lose the ability to remote detonate that nuke?
The w*apon remote receives a signal from a Milstar satellite.
Higher orbit, more powerful transmitter.
If we've got the shuttle for seven minutes, we can remote detonate for an additional five.
What he's trying to say, General, is that, uh, in 12 minutes' time, you may lose the ability to detonate the nuke... permanently.
I've got to inform the president.
Just want to make sure you know we're stuck on an asteroid.
Do you know what you're doing now? No, no.
You know what? I have no idea what I'm doing. I have no idea.
This button-- I don't know what that does, okay?
All I know is that we just crashed back there, I lost two of my friends, we're 25 miles from Harry's shuttle.
We don't know if he's alive. We don't know if he can fly. All I know is, there's a beep... on this thing and I'm trying to get us there.
[ Beeping ]
Let's get it unpacked.
What's up? We're drilling through some kind of metal I've never seen before.
It's fried two of our drill bits, and now we blew our first transmission.
So how deep are we? We could use your help with the transmission, Colonel.
I have an assessment report due now. We're supposed to be at 200 feet.
So how deep are we? Not as deep as we'll be... when you quit askin' me these questions and help us load this transmission on.
What is our current depth? Our current depth is not important, Colonel.
I'll decide what's important. We've got 800 feet to drill.
You've had two and a half hours. Where are we?
We're at 57 feet.
Now, if you're not too busy, maybe you can give us a hand with this transmission.
Colonel Sharp! Get this strapped up. I'll be right back. Colonel Sharp!
All right. I'm coming through. We have contact. Over.
That's as clear as it's gonna get.
Houston, this is Freedom. Do you copy?
Working at a remote satellite link at this moment. Transmission change.
Colonel! Twenty minutes. Puts drilling final at ten hours.
Please advise. That's four hours past the zero barrier. Please advise.
What the hell is this? "Zero depth"?
And where'd this come from? Who are you talkin' to? ls that Truman?
Lemme have that phone. Gimme the phone. Truman! Look, this is what happens when you drill.
We cannot use your "U.S. Air Force Personnel Only" drill time card.
Who wrote this thing, by the way? We're losing coms again.
Look-- Is he getting this? Does he hear me or-- What's wrong with this?
The com's down. What do you mean, "the com's down"?
[ Sharp ] What do I mean? I mean we've lost communication to mission control.
Fine. Let's go back to the cargo bay and get the transmission--
Harry, guess what. You had your sh*t. You didn't do it. You understand me?
You can't-- Why don't you stay here-- [ Shouting ]
Write a report, why don't ya? That'll be-- [ Shouting Continues ]
My men and I will go and get this hole dug!
You and your men are the biggest mistake in the history of NASA.
[ Man ] We've lost communication. Oh, God.
We're not lookin' too good right now. No sh*t.
We gotta get that radio back up.
[ Man ] Mr President, it's time to make a decision.
We can remote detonate the b*mb for only another five minutes.
[ Rings ] Yes? Kimsey here. Yes, Mr President.
Yes, we saw that too, sir.
But maybe we should wait until they--
Dan, get them out of there.
Evac right now. What's goin' on here?
I've been ordered to override the system.
[ Elevator Bells Dinging ]
Well, what is this?
Secondary protocol.
But they haven't drilled the damn hole yet!
The president's advisors feel that the drilling isn't working.
And we've lost radio contact, maybe for good.
We've only got a few minutes left of guaranteed ability to remote detonate that nuke.
If we don't do it now we could lose control, and we may never get it back.
Well, you tell the president that he better fire his so-called advisors.
If you detonate that nuke on the surface, we waste a perfectly good b*mb, and we have one chance to save this planet!
[ Beeping ]
I need that radio. Gruber, give me everything you got now! [ Gruber ] Roger that.
Yes, Mr President, I understand that completely, but my point is very, very simple.
And I think you need to trust me on this because I know something about it.
I guarantee you, if you do this, you k*ll us all.
Yes, sir.
General, he wants you.
This is Kimsey. Yes, sir.
I understand.
The orders are to remote detonate in 30 seconds.
You have not told them yet!
That is my father up there!
This is one order you shouldn't follow, and you f*cking know it!
Let her go. Let her go!
Your key, sir.
[ Consoles Beeping ] God be with them.
Slow it down.
[ Beeping ]
[ Timer Beeping ]
Harry... the clock on that nine-foot nuclear w*apon is ticking.
Oh, my God! Sharp! Get back here now!
What? Get the shuttle ready to evac now!
It just came on all by itself. What the hell's happening? Secondary protocol.
What's that? What? Secondary protocol.
What does that mean? What the hell's secondary protocol?
They're detonating this thing from Earth. What do you mean, detonating?
We haven't even drilled the hole yet! We'll drop it in the hole.
What're you talkin' about? The hole? Whoa, whoa! Get your helmets on now!
Oh, no, no. How-How you turn it off? I got two men out on that rock!
I got a man out there too. We gotta evac now.
Max, Rockhound, get back to the shuttle, double-time!
They could be on their way here. They're not on their way here.
They would've talked to us by now. We would've seen them.
Watts, air lock the cockpit now! I copy you.
Max, Rockhound! Hey, wait a minute! How do you turn this thing off?
[ Radio Static Hissing ] Harry, do you copy? Somethin's wrong.
Yeah, it's all wrong, man. We shouldn't even be up here.
I know. Let's go back to the ship!
I'm not leavin' without my men, Sharp.
We've got two and a half minutes to drop it and get off this rock.
If they're not back by the time we finish, we leave without 'em.
Okay, let's simplify this. Let's just turn the b*mb off right now.
If we don't put this b*mb down in a hole 800 feet onto a fault line, all you're gonna have is a real expensive fireworks show.
This is turnin' into a surrealistic nightmare here.
Watsler, are you listening? It's Truman.
Okay, listen to me carefully. I want you to k*ll it. k*ll the uplink.
Give us the time, Sharp. Shut this b*mb down now! It's not my call.
Then whose call is it? An order to detonate can only come from the president.
The president's not here! You've gotta give us more time! Let's just turn it off now.
I'm telling you to shut this b*mb down now!
And I'm telling you it's not my call! Well, guess what.
I just made the call for you. Harry!
Don't. You could set it off.
Oh, man. What're you doin' with a g*n in space?
Come on. Come on. We gotta stop that b*mb right now. k*ll the uplink.
This thing is gonna blow. We gotta get it off the ship. Easy.
Stand down, Sergeant. Shut this b*mb down and let us finish our job the right way.
I'm under orders to protect a surface detonation.
I'm gonna give you three seconds to shut this b*mb down, and then I'm gonna make you sh**t me.
Hurry, Watsler. For Christ's sake, hurry.
[ Detonator Powering Down ] What happened?
Aah! [ Grunting ]
Sir, the override-- It's been overridden.
I bought us a couple of minutes, so get that radio workin', okay? Hurry, hurry!
[ Grunting ]
Bring me all the way up here just to blow me and my friends up? ls that it?
[ Gasping ] Listen-- Shut up!
Shut up, Colonel. I'm talking now.
[ Sharp ] It could start again. It might've been a warning.
[ Gasping ] Uh-oh.
That's why you are gonna dismantle this b*mb.
All right. What'd we miss?
Do it again. Go.
Keep tryin'.
Sir, I need you to cease and desist. I need your terminal... now.
They're reactivating the b*mb. Comin' back on-line, sir.
[ Detonator Blipping ] Oh, geez. Here we go again.
What're you doin' up here? And why did you even bother to make the trip?
To do the right thing, to see that it's done.
[ Breathing Heavily ]
[ Gasping ]
For God's sakes, think about what you're doin'.
Why are you listenin' to someone that's 100,000 miles away?
We're here. Nobody down there can help us.
So if we don't get this job done, then everybody's gone.
One minute.
I've been drillin' holes in the earth for 30 years.
And I have never, never missed a depth that I have aimed for.
And by God, I am not gonna miss this one. I will make 800 feet.
Forty-two seconds. But I can't do it alone, Colonel. I need your help.
You swear on your daughter's life, on my family's, that you can hit that mark?
I will make 800 feet. I swear to God, I will.
Then let's turn this b*mb off.
[ Beeping ]
[ Beeping Continues ]
Steady. Take it back. That's what you'll have to do. Get 'em off backwards.
Rainbow track? Under-- Under one? Under-- Okay. All of 'em. All of 'em.
Okay. Are we free of static? Oh, do a good job. Do a good job.
Steady. Steady. Good job. All right. All right.
Go! Go! Go! Red wire "A." Ready? And--
Now. Come on! Come on! Come on! Come on!
[ Breathing Heavily ] Negative "B."
Ready, and now. Do a good job. Do a good job. Track flipped. Hots in.
It better be. Go. Red or blue? [ Beeping Faster ]
Re--
[ Whimpering ] [ Beeping Continues ]
Blue.
[ Beeping Stops ]
Good job!
[ All Panting ]
Oh, God, it sucks up here.
Sir, the clock has stopped at three seconds. What?
Have we lost complete radio contact?
I got some magic happening. We're bouncing off Russian and French satellites.
It may have a faint signal. Houston? Houston, do you copy?
Go ahead, Freedom.
Houston, you have a problem-- Problem.
See, I promised my little girl that I'd be comin' home.
Now, I don't know what you people are doin' down there, but we got a hole to dig up there.
[ Cheering ] Go, go, go, go! Come on. We got work to do.
Okay, guys. All go, no quit. How ya doin' down there? Good?
Okay, got the tr*nny. We're back in business.
Hey, you guys should take a break and come up and see this.
Wow. Got a great view of the Earth from here.
Too bad we'll never set foot on her again.
Lev, do you see anything? No.
Well, keep goin'. I'm not givin' up.
Hold up here, Bear.
[ Lev ] Oh, boy. [ A.J. ] This is great.
We just happen to run into the Grand Canyon on the asteroid?
I told you, you took a wrong way, a wrong road.
[ A.J. ] What-What road? Do you see any roads around here?
[ Lev ] You know what? I do not have much pleasure being near God's ear.
But you think this is looking good, or what?
Lev, why don't you just do humanity a favour and just shut the hell up?
Have you ever heard of Evel Knievel?
No, I never saw Star Wars.
All right. Doin' a good job.
Give me a depth reading, Max. We're 150 feet, Harry.
♪ ♪ [ Humming "William Tell Overture" ] Yee-ha !
Ride 'em, cowboy! Yippee-kai-yo, kai-yay!
Get off... the nuclear... warhead.
I was doin' that guy from that movie, you know, Slim Pickens, where he rides it all the way in-- the nuclear warhead.
Now. Oh, you didn't see that one, huh?
We got 700 feet of hole to dig, Rockhound.
All right. Just-Just wanted to feel the power between my legs, brother.
Hey, Sharp.
[ Chanting ] No nukes! No nukes! No nukes!
You got any more b*ll*ts in that g*n, Sharp?
[ A.J. ] What did Watts tell you, Bear? lf she kicked you in the balls, you'd keep floating.
Yeah. [ Engine Roaring ]
[ A.J. ] We turn the thrusters off, we jump this thing, we float right over it.
Go over it again, Lev.
Throw the jet thrusters off exactly when we jump. Okay.
And then we're gonna put them on, and we gonna go down nice and slow.
That's it. That's it, baby. That's it. Is this gonna work?
I don't know. Lev, you know what, just lie to me.
Let's say 50-50-- No. More like, uh--
Iike 70-30 or 80-20.
But you know what? lf it works, the two of you gonna be heroes, just like me.
Screw it. We're jumpin' over this canyon.
Just for the record, this is a very bad idea!
Wait for the edge. Don't hit it till we get there. I'm waiting.
[ Lev ] Three. [ A.J. Chattering ]
[ Lev ] Two. One!
Aah!
Yes! It's working! It's working!
[ Lev ] Oh, my God! [ All Shouting ]
I'm a genius! Wait a minute. Whoa. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
We got some rocks! Go left! Go left!
Lev, Lev, I can't do anything!
[ All Screaming ] [ Crashing ]
Oh, okay, okay, we're floating into outer space.
Check main switch. Uh, this could be a little bit of a problem.
Thrusters on... now! All right, turn 'em on.
[ Rattling ] What's wrong?
I-l don't know. The-The thrusters not working. I hate this machine!
I thought you had this planned! What're we supposed to do? Be quiet! I must think!
I'm stepping outside. You're-You're going outside?
I am the only certified astronaut, and I'm saving your American ass!
[ Grunts ]
Yes. You'll listen to him. Right.
Hurry up, Lev, because we're about a mile off the asteroid!
Just a second. The fuel line is iced up.
I think maybe workin' now. No, Lev, it's not working!
I'm sorry, A.J. I was way off the odds.
[ Bear ] We're gettin' higher, man. Look out!
The rocks! Rocks are coming!
[ Moaning, Grunting ]
Hold on! Aah!
Pull the thrusters! Lev, look out!
[ All Screaming ]
We lost Lev. A.J.! [ Grunting ]
A.J., the thrusters! Aah!
Let's get Lev back!
Aah! [ Gasping ]
Lev, hold on! We're comin' in!
[ Grunting ]
[ Grunting ]
[ All Panting ]
Thank You, Jesus. Thank You, Lord.
Thank You. Thank You, thank You, thank You, thank You.
[ Grunting ] Lev!
Now I'm really a Russian hero! I told you!
I know! I knew this would work!
Good odds, you know? Come on, Lev.
Get in here. We gotta go. Yah!
[ Rumbling ]
Rockhound, keep on that transmission.
tr*nny looks good, Harry. All right. Take it outta there.
Lock it down, Chick.
Nice.
How come we didn't get any training on this thing?
Whoa. Very cool. I could take out this asteroid single-handedly.
[ Machine Whirring ] Okay, boys, give it a rest. I'll take it from here.
[ Machine g*n f*ring ] Whoa!
What the hell is that? It's Rockhound. Whoa.
This is so much fun, it's freaky.
Rockhound! [ Cheering ]
Whoa, watch your heads. Sorry, Harry.
Outta my way, boys! Rockhound!
Meet your maker, asteroid! [ Both Grunting ]
What the hell's the matter with you, Rockhound? g*dd*mn! This is insane.
Have you lost your mind? No. He's got space dementia.
Harry, you want to watch your man.
Max, downshift and put it in reverse. We gotta get that pipe outta there.
[ Max ] Uh-oh. [ Grunts ]
[ Loud Rumbling ]
What's happening? The ground's cracking! Earthquake!
Quick, shut it off!
Shut it off! Shut it off now! We're gonna have a blowout!
We hit a gas pocket! We got pressure out the ass!
[ Grunting ]
Max, get your helmet on! Max, she's gonna blow!
Aah! Oh, Jesus, I'm cooking! Max, get outta there!
This is it! Harry!
I'm bailing!
Max!
Goodbye, Max.
Max! Take care, buddy.
Armadillo's off the scope. I think we've had a blowout. No sign of the Armadillo.
[ All Shouting ]
Get ahold of Truman.
Prepare the world for bad news.
[ Air Raid Sirens Wailing ]
[ Male Newscaster #1 ] We're getting sketchy information that the mission... has suffered massive failure.
And what we're trying to do right now... is to confirm that and find out exactly what that means.
Repeat: We're getting leaks from several NASA officials, some rushing home to be with their families, that the drilling was unsuccessful.
♪ ♪ [ Chanting ]
[ Female Newscaster Speaking French ]
[ Male Newscaster #2 ] This could very well be our final hour.
[ Male Newscaster #3 Speaking Foreign Language ]
[ Male Newscaster #4 ] We're gonna go off the air now.
Good luck and God bless.
[ Man #1 ] We've got incoming. [ Man #2 ] I got tracks.
NORAD's tracking four small incoming over Europe.
I think one's about to hit near Paris.
[ Asteroid Shrieking ]
[ Screaming ]
[ All Shouting ] Reports are coming in.
[ Male Newscaster #1 ] Martial law has been implemented in 42 countries.
[ Male Newscaster #2 ] Once the asteroid hits zero barrier, it will take about three hours and 57 minutes to impact Earth.
[ Sirens Wailing ]
I guess we do it the president's way.
I'll order an evac. You can remote detonate.
You still don't think this'll work, do you ? What I think is irrelevant.
[ Kimsey ] We need to do it now. Fine.
Can they still take off? We hope so.
You are the one that pulled them into this!
That is my family up there, so I don't wanna hear, "We hope so"!
Guess what, guys? It's time to embrace the horror.
Look. We got front-row tickets to the end of the Earth.
[ Radio Static Crackling ]
[ Rumbling ]
Yeah! Way to go, baby! Harry!
[ All Cheering ]
Yo, Harry! What's up, baby?
Hey, get that b*mb outta there! We got a hole to make!
[ Sharp ] Houston, you're not gonna believe this, but the other Armadillo has arrived.
[ Cheering, Applauding ] All right, people, listen up. Settle down and focus.
Mechanical, get on-line. P.P.O., gimme a setup. Your boyfriend's back.
[ Bear ] Yo, Harry ! [ Shouting ]
Hey, Harry. You miss me?
A.J., I got just five words for ya.
Damn glad to see ya, boy ! That's six words.
Chick, walk 'em down. [ A.J. ] So where's this hole you need dug ?
[ Watts ] Houston, drilling has recommenced.
Do you think they can drill 250 feet in an hour?
They better.
Bring that piece on in, Bear.
Tractor pull.
I'm comin' down! We got 250 feet to go.
It's our last transmission, last drill head.
Punch it through. First gear. We got contact.
Come on down, A.J. [ Grunting ] I got this, man. Let's go!
Lev, the right engine hub. Houston, I'm getting no response from the preflight sequence.
[ Muffled ] Come on, now. This is not-- Hey-- Hey, come here.
Can you get me outta here, please, Lev? Thank you. [ Grunting ]
Ow! Jesus! Hey! Wait. Uh, shh, shh.
[ Watts ] Lev, the right engine-- Okay.
Lemme outta here, will ya? Just tryin' to have some fun before I die!
How deep are we? Seven seventy.
[ Grunting ]
Whoa, they got problems. The gauges are spiking.
Methane! Shut it down! Back it down!
I can't pull back now. The bit'll get lodged. We don't have enough time!
Whoa, whoa, whoa! It's gonna blow! It's how we lost Max!
I know what I'm talkin' about. We can punch through this. We can knock this outta the park.
This is our last transmission, A.J.
g*dd*mn it, if you're ever gonna trust me, ever, once in your life, trust me now!
Harry, it's gonna blow! Harry, I know what I'm doin'. You just gotta trust me.
Make the call.
All right. Hold on. I'm pushin' through her.
[ Grunting ]
I'm pushin' through her!
What's your depth? Seven seventy-five. Seven eighty.
Take it up, baby! Ram it home!
[ Grunts ] Drive on down, A.J.!
Seven eighty-five. Come on. Come on.
Come on, A.J.! Punch it! Ninety-one. Come on.
Seven ninety-two. Seven ninety-five!
Drive it down, A.J.!
Seven ninety-seven! Ninety-nine!
Breakthrough! Eight hundred! Eight-oh-two, Harry!
Yeah! We did it!
[ All Cheering ] Yes! We did it!
Yeah! Kid, way to go! I knew it, baby!
It's not over till we get the b*mb down that hole. Watts, they've got 38 minutes.
[ Sharp ] Harry, you've gotta give me that hole.
I'm gonna need two more minutes. I got a bent pipe jammed in the hole.
We gotta cut it out before we can send that b*mb down. A.J.!
She good to go? Yeah, I'm all set.
All right.
[ Grunts ]
All right. [ Harry ] A.J., come on! Make it fast!
I'm goin' as fast as I can! There's a lot of gas pressure!
You feel that?
Harry, you gotta give me that hole. The b*mb is almost ready.
[ Harry ] Pull that pipe out! Harry, I'm almost through!
Give me 15 more seconds! [ Rumbling ]
Well, this is somethin' new.
[ Crashing ] I don't think this thing likes us.
That's 'cause it knows we're here to k*ll it. Whoa!
Hey, what's goin' on up there?
A.J.! What the hell was that?
A.J.! g*dd*mn it, I'm finished!
A.J., you all right ? Oh, lot of gas pressure in here, man!
Get me out! Whoa, whoa, whoa! Hydrogen pocket!
Aah!
Whoa!
[ Grunts ] Aah!
Oh! Harry! Pull me in!
[ Grunting ] Aah! A.J., hang on!
[ Grunting ]
Secure the b*mb!
Sharp, heads up!
Gruber! Get outta there now!
[ Asteroids Shrieking ] Oh, no.
[ Whimpering ] Oh, God, no!
[ All Screaming ]
Look out!
Help! Oh, no!
[ Screaming ]
[ Panting ]
Do you believe that just happened? [ Gas Hissing ]
Sharp, you all right? I'm okay.
Bear ? Yeah. I'm here, Harry.
A.J.? Yeah, I'm okay.
[ Gas Hissing ] We lost Gruber.
Gruber's dead.
Let's get that b*mb ready and go home.
[ Sharp ] Oh, my God. [ Beeping ]
Is there a problem, Colonel ? The timer, the remote, the whole thing's dead.
What, the b*mb is dead?
No, the trigger's dead. It must've gotten damaged during the rock storm.
So how do we detonate it?
We have 18 minutes to zero barrier. We got some bad news.
The remote detonator on the b*mb has been damaged.
That means that somebody's gonna have to stay behind.
It takes two people to fly this thing.
Either we all stay and die, or you guys draw straws.
I say we all stay and die. But that's me.
I'll draw. Let's draw.
Nobody's gonna draw straws.
I'll stay and take care of it. Well, I can't live with that sort of thing.
Nobody asked you if you could live with it, all right? Bullshit!
No way I will let you volunteer for this... so I can go back to my home country like the man who didn't volunteer.
No way!
Hey, man, let's draw, and let's see who's gonna stay up here and dance.
Guys, l-l-l know you guys think I'm crazy right now, but I would really like this responsibility.
All right. All right.
I can do it. Let's just draw straws and get it over with. Come on.
I ain't drawin' against you, Harry.
Well, I'm gonna draw against you, Chick, so you better just go ahead and do it.
Just gimme this thing.
Is this good or bad?
Oh, man.
Well, we all gotta die, right?
I'm the guy who gets to do it saving the world.
So, uh, let's go. We-We got about ten minutes, right?
You plug this into the port.
Lift, press, hold. That's it.
Lift, press, hold. Shouldn't be too tough. Even I can't screw this up.
I'll take him down.
Do me a favour, will ya?
Just tell Grace that, uh-- that I'll always be with her, okay?
Can you do that?
Yeah. Okay, kid.
Give this to Truman.
Make sure Truman gets that. Get in there.
It's my turn now.
[ Gasping ] Harry! Harry!
You can't do this to me! It's my job!
You go take care of my little girl now. That's your job.
Always thought of you as a son.
Always.
But I'd be damn proud to have you marry Grace.
Harry. You take care of yourself.
Harry, no! I love you, pal.
Harry, I love you! Don't, Harry! Wait a minute!
My son. Don't do this, Harry!
Don't do this! Harry!
What happened?
That crazy, stubborn son of a--
[ Grunting ]
Well, this was a real good idea.
All right, let's go, Sharp. Let's get our team outta here.
Come on! Let's get ready to initiate thrusters! Let's go!
Strap it in, guys! Get the O2 masks.
Are they green? Are they green?
I can't believe this is going down like this. You all right?
O2 vents locked, pressure loaded. Engine board is green.
[ Woman ] T minus three minutes and counting.
Houston, do you copy? This is Harry Stamper.
It's down there.
Electrical systems primed. A.P.U. is set. Oxidizers are loading.
[ Man ] Houston, we're outta here in T minus three minutes.
Daddy! [ Chuckling ]
Hi, Gracie. Hi, honey.
Grace, I know I promised you I was comin' home.
I don't under-- understand.
[ Sighs ] Looks like I'm gonna have to break that promise.
I, um-- I lied to you, too, when I told you that I didn't want to be like you.
Because I am like you.
And everything good that I have inside of me, I have from you.
I love you so much, Daddy.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm so scared.
I'm so scared.
I know it, baby, but there won't be anything to be scared of soon.
Gracie, I want you to know that A.J. saved us. He did.
I want you to tell Chick... that I couldn't have done it without him, none of it.
I want you to take care of A.J.
I wish I could be there to walk you down the aisle.
But I'll--
[ Sighs ] I'll look in on you from time to time, okay, honey?
I love you, Grace.
[ Crying ] I love you too.
I gotta go now, honey. Daddy, no.
No, no, Dad, no.
[ Man On Radio, Voice Muffled ]
[ Watts ] O.M.S. pod pre-start. O2 vents locked, pressure loaded.
What the hell's goin' on up there? Why haven't you guys left yet?
We're going, Harry. Houston.
We got O.M.S. pod pre-start. Pod pre-start confirmed.
[ Choking ]
What's the problem? I don't know.
What's wrong? Fix it now!
No time, no time!
What? What's that?
Where you goin'? Come on. We're stayin', we're goin'.
We're stayin', we're goin'. Make up your minds.
Sharp, get out of here now. You got less than three minutes.
Come on, Watts. Come on, come on.
Blow the b*mb, Harry. We're with you.
Uh, it's stuck. Yes? You don't know the components!
Components, American components, Russian components. All made in Taiwan!
We're gettin' tight for ignition, Freedom.
Houston, we've got no fire.
What does that mean? It means we got a busted ship.
A busted ship? And I'm strapped in here.
I had a great spot picked out there.
Freedom, you fire that engine. If there's not a way, you find a way. The clock's tickin'.
Let's go! Let's fire that engine, Freedom!
You got less than a minute. Don't think I won't blow this thing.
Sharp, get out of here. It's gettin' bad down here.
I know how to fix it. Please, move.
I-l have to take you away if you don't move.
Watts, you gotta get that shuttle started. You gotta fire it up now!
Damn it, Sharp. Get off this rock!
I'm telling you, please, move! This is how we fix problem... in the Russian space station.
Because I don't want to stay here any more.
[ Whirring ] Yeah! Finally! We can go home!
She's coming back. She's coming back. We're hot!
Watts! Let's go, let's go!
Rain all you want, you son of a bitch.
Let's go! We don't have time! Hurry, hurry. We got no time!
Initiate thrusters on my mark!
Two, one, mark!
Come on. Get some altitude. Let's go, let's go.
[ Yelling ]
Freedom has max thrust!
Thank you, Harry.
[ Screaming ]
Shuttle's out of range. Still no detonation.
[ Grunting ]
Something's not right. Too much time has gone by.
Zero barrier's about to be breached. One minute.
Harry, come on. Press that button.
We're goin' back and do it ourselves. Just don't. Wait one minute.
[ Grunting ]
Dan, we're about to cross the threshold. Come on. Press the button.
Colonel, I'm askin' you. Just one more minute!
[ Grunting ]
Press the button, Stamper.
Come on.
Harry'll do it. I know it.
He doesn't know how to fail.
We win, Gracie!
Press it! [ Beeping ]
[ Screaming ]
[ Man On P.A. ] We have detonation. Confirming detonation.
The two halves are gonna miss us by 400 miles... and most of the small particles have been vaporized.
Houston, we're comin' home. We copy that, Freedom.
Yo, Harry, you the man.
Kennedy, we see you. And you never looked so good.
I never told anybody this before but I hate flyin', so it'd be an awful shame to die now.
That's easy for you to say. I owe 100 grand to a bad-ass loan shark... which I spent on a stripper named Molly Mounds.
Boy, that's bad.
Kennedy, we are 100 percent. Flap suspension control on full.
[ Man ] Welcome home, astronauts.
Hey, guys, remember: We're heroes now.
So that incident with me and the g*n on the asteroid, Iet's keep that under wraps, all right?
Miss Stamper.
Colonel Willie Sharp, United States Air Force, ma'am.
Requesting permission to shake the hand of the daughter... of the bravest man I've ever met.
Hello. [ Speaking French ]
Oh, my God! Hi, you're my hero.
Oh, baby, I wanna have babies with you.
Welcome back, cowboy.
Uh, Harry wanted you to have this.
He did, huh?
♪ I could stay awake ♪
♪ Just to hear you breathin' ♪
♪ Watch you smile while you are sleepin' ♪
♪ While you're far away and dreamin' ♪
♪ I just wanna stay with you ♪
♪ ln this moment forever ♪
♪ Forever and ever ♪
♪ I don't wanna close my eyes ♪
♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪
♪ 'Cause I miss you, baby ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause even when I dream of you ♪
♪ The sweetest dream would never do ♪
♪ I'd still miss you, baby ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss one smile ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss one kiss ♪
♪ Well, I just wanna be with you right here ♪
♪ With you just like this ♪
♪ Well, I just wanna hold you close ♪
♪ Feel your heart so close to mine ♪
♪ And just stay here in this moment ♪
♪ For all the rest of time ♪
♪ Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah ♪
♪ Yeah ♪
♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪
♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪
♪ 'Cause I miss you, baby ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪
♪ 'Cause even when I dream of you ♪
♪ The sweetest dream would never do ♪
♪ I'd still miss you, baby ♪
♪ And I don't wanna miss a thing ♪
♪ Don't wanna close my eyes ♪
♪ I don't wanna fall asleep ♪
♪ Yeah I don't wanna miss a thing ♪ ♪
♪ ♪ [ Woman Vocalizing ]
♪ All my bags are packed I'm ready to go ♪
♪ I'm standin' here outside your door ♪
♪ I hate to wake you up to say goodbye ♪
♪ But the dawn is breakin' It's early morn ♪
♪ The taxi's waitin' He's blowin' his horn ♪
♪ Already I'm ready I'm so lonesome ♪
♪ I could die ♪
♪ So kiss me and smile for me ♪
♪ Tell me that you'll wait for me ♪
♪ Hold me like you'll never let me go ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm leaving on a jet plane ♪
♪ I don't know when I'll be back again ♪
♪ Oh, babe I hate to go ♪
♪ I'm leaving on a jet plane ♪
Armageddon (1998)
Moderator: Maskath3
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