Bitter Moon (1992)

[bunniefuu]

I still can't believe we're really on our way.

Nor can I.

It's so fantastic.

Thank you, darling.

Mwah!

Oh, don't run away. I won't be a sec.

Uh, Fiona?

Fiona?

Stay here. Oh, blimey.

What's the matter?

Help me clean her up. Yeah.

There. Gently. There we are.

Up-- there we are.

That's better. I'm going to clean you up.

Let's get... wipe those tears, eh?

Oh, God.

Just try to take a deep breath. Now take a deep breath.

You'll feel better.

A deep breath and fresh air, that's what you need.

Here.

You're very pretty.

Oh.

There we are.

Are you going to Istanbul?

Yes, then we're flying on to Bombay.

How far are you going?

Oh, farther.

Much farther.

But why on earth go to India?

I think-- think we need-- felt we needed a break from the rat race, really.

And, you know, India's got so much to teach the West, doesn't it?

Really? What, for example?

Well, um, you know, inner serenity, that kind of stuff.

Ah! The Karma-Nirvana Syndrome?

Lots of poppycock, I'm afraid.

No, India's all flies, smells and beggars.

And as for serenity, it's the noisiest place on earth.

Well, if you say so, I'm sure.

Now I'm sure Mr. Singh is just being modest about his own part of the world.

Anyway, I can't wait to get there, darling.

See, it's my anniversary treat.

We've been married for seven years.

Ah, so it's a form of marital therapy.

Quite unnecessary, dear lady.

With a wife as beautiful as yourself, any man would be proof against the seven-year itch. What?

You tired, sweetheart?

Absolutely whacked.

Must be all this sea air.

Yeah.

How about a nightcap?

Mmm, how about bed?

Oh, come on, darling, just one.

No, honestly not. You go.

Just take me to my cabin.

I'm out on my feet.

Are you quite sure? Certain.

Anyway, it's bad for an old married couple to be glued together all the time.

♪ Treat him right

♪ Now you've listened to my story ♪

♪ Here's the point that I have made ♪

♪ Chicks were born to give you fever ♪

♪ Be it Fahrenheit or centigrade ♪

♪ They give you fever

♪ When you kiss them

♪ Fever if you live and learn ♪

♪ Fever

♪ Till you sizzle

♪ Oh, what a lovely way to burn ♪

♪ What a lovely way to burn... ♪ What'll it be, sir?

Whiskey and soda, please.

You feeling better?

Better than what?

You remember, the-- this afternoon in the-- in the loo.

The loo?

Is it your usual pickup routine?

Of course I remember.

I have a perfect memory when I feel like it.

Right.

What is this, some kind of game?

Yeah. Want to dance?

Uh, well, I'm not much of a dancer.

That figures.

What's your name?

Nigel Dobson. Hi.

Okay, Nigel, amuse me.

Say something funny.

Um, blimey.

Uh, well, you're French, aren't you?

I can tell from your accent.

I mean, your English is very, very good, but for some reason, I can always tell a Frog.

Sorry.

Stupid thing to say. Just slipped out.

Schoolboy expression. Comes from working in the city. I'm a Eurobond dealer and we're always calling people Frogs.

You're right, boring.

Um, but anyway, you call us-- you call us Roast Beef, don't you?

Rosbif! I think that's how you pronounce it, isn't it?

You're too funny for me, Nigel.

I'm choking with laughter.

So long.

I leave you to your magnetic, irresistible personality.

Romantic, isn't it?

Yeah, it is, splendid.

You're Nigel, aren't you?

Yeah.

Sorry, do I know you?

Beware of her.

Right.

She's a walking mantrap.

Sorry, I don't know what you're talking about.

Sure, you do.

I'm her husband.

Look what she did to me.

I'm sorry.

Let me ask you something, Nigel.

You don't mind if I call you Nigel, do you?

What do you think of her?

Well, if you mean what I think you mean, she's very good-looking. Good-looking?

Yeah, sure, all of that and more.

She gives you a hard-on, doesn't she?

I beg your pardon?

Come on, Nigel, don't be so British.

You'd like to f*ck her.

Admit it, it's no crime.

I've no idea what you're driving at.

Cut the crap.

You're itching to know some more about her, aren't you?

Well, aren't you?

Here.

Do me a favor, would you, Nigel?

Help me over the g*dd*mn step here, would you?

They don't design these boats for my kind.

Yeah, sure.

Get inside there.

Grab the wheels-- the wheels.

Up!

Ah, I hate these f*cking boats.

It's good of you to take pity on an obnoxious cr*pple.

I don't know you at all, Nigel, but somehow I have the feeling that you're exactly the listener that I've been looking for.

I hope you'll find my story interesting.

I realize it's hard to relate to something that doesn't concern you.

But maybe it already does.

We have the place to ourselves.

Mimi has her own cabin.

Yeah.

Eternity for me began one fall day in Paris aboard the 96 bus, which shuttles between Montparnasse and Porte des Lilas.

Mademoiselle?

Madame?

Merci.

Merci.

Monsieur?

Votre billet, s'il vous plait.

Je ne l'ai pas.

I'd been granted a glimpse of heaven, then dumped on the sidewalk at rue d'Assas.

Oh, I still have no idea why you're telling me all this.

I'd always wanted to be a writer, Nigel.

My grandfather made a fortune in the surgical appliance business, set up a trust fund for me.

On his death, I found myself in receipt of sufficient allowance to enable me to move to Paris.

Paris-- my dream city.

Hemingway, Miller, Scott Fitzgerald--

I was determined to follow in their footsteps, maybe too determined for my own good.

Maybe that's what k*lled any originality I ever possessed.

After eight years, all I had to show for my literary exertions were three unpublished novels and a stack of reject slips this high.

But who cared?

Sidewalk cafes, fluttering skirts, fleeting affairs.

Paris was heaven until that day on the bus.

It was no good.

I couldn't write, couldn't sleep, couldn't get her out of my mind.

She was somewhere out there, my sorceress in white sneakers.

But where?

I haunted that 96 bus route.

It became an obsession.

Even the driver began to recognize me.

Ca va?

Martini. Double.

Et vous?

Un Kir Royale, s'il vous plait.

Excusez-moi.

You're American? You remember me?

Of course I remember. You were very kind.

Now it's your turn to do something nice for me.

Have dinner with me sometime-- sometime soon, like tomorrow.

You ever get a night off? Yes.

When? Tomorrow.

Mimi.

Mimi.

She told me to meet her at the Centre du Marais at 10:30.

I was so wound up, I'd gotten there a whole half hour early.

My nerve ends were jangling like bells.

Here's to old bus route 96.

Oh, la la la la!

Bonsoir! Bonsoir, monsieur et madame.

Should we just let him decide?

No, no, no, surprendre-nous.

Très bien, tres bien, très bien, monsieur.

I hope-- I hope-- I hope I didn't make a mistake by letting him order because I don't speak Thai so good and we might have wound up eating puppy-dog tails.

Do you mind if I do?

There was a freshness and innocence about her, an almost disconcerting blend of sexual maturity and childish naiveté that touched my world-weary heart and effaced the age difference between us.

My roommate is American.

Cindy. You saw her at the dance class.

I met her when I studied in New York.

How long were you there?

Till my money ran out.

Meaning? - Six months.

I love New York. It's the best place for a dancer.

Not for a writer? No, not this one.

I love Paris too much. Is that what you write about?

Paris?

Paris and people.

Would you let me read something of yours?

Would you dance for me sometime?

If you like.

Promise? - Promise.

No.

I looked all over for you, you know?

Did you ever think you'd see me again?

Yes.

Really?

Really.

Really?

Yeah.

You kept it?

My feet are cold.

Oh, you have a fireplace.

Does it work? It sure does.

Why don't you relax for a second?

I'll make coffee. Would you like a hot chocolate?

Oh, yes, please, chocolate.

Could we make a fire? Why not?

You make the fire, I'll make the coffee.

And the chocolate.

Mmm.

Nothing ever surpassed the rapture of that first awakening.

I might have been Adam with the taste of apple fresh in my mouth.

I was looking at all the beauty in the world embodied in a single female form, and I knew with sudden blinding certainty this was it.

We didn't leave the apartment for three whole days after that.

We were inseparable by day and insatiable by night.

We just lived on love and stale croissants.

She chucked her job.

I couldn't bear to part with her.

"I'd been granted a glimpse of heaven and dumped on the sidewalk of rue d'Assas.

The gates of paradise had opened only to slam in my face."

But they opened again, no?

They sure did, baby.

Pretty wide at that.

Go on, don't stop.

Well, that's all there is.

What a pity.

I could listen to you forever.

Bravo!

Oh!

I love you.

What?

You heard me!

You love me?

♪ Well, I guess it would be nice ♪

♪ If I could touch your body ♪

♪ I know not everybody

♪ Has got a body like you

♪ But I've got to think twice ♪

♪ Before I give my heart away ♪

♪ And I know all the games you play ♪

♪ Because I play them too

♪ Oh, but I

♪ Need some time off

♪ From that emotion

♪ Time to pick my heart up off the floor ♪

♪ Oh, and when that love comes down ♪

♪ Without devotion

♪ Well, it takes a strong man, baby ♪

♪ But I'm showing you the door ♪

♪ 'Cause I gotta have faith

♪ I gotta have faith

♪ Because I gotta have faith, faith, faith ♪

♪ I got to have faith, faith, faith ♪

♪ Baby

♪ I know you're asking me to stay ♪

♪ Say please, please, please, don't go away ♪

♪ You say I'm giving you the blues ♪

♪ Maybe

♪ You mean every word you say ♪

♪ Can't help but think of yesterday ♪

♪ And another who tied me down to loverboy rules ♪

♪ Before this river

♪ Becomes an ocean

♪ Before you throw my heart back on the floor ♪

♪ Oh, baby, I reconsider

♪ My foolish notion

♪ Well, I need someone to hold me ♪

♪ But I'll wait for something more ♪

♪ Yes, I gotta have faith... ♪

Isn't it dangerous?

Not if you know what you're doing.

Why don't you use an electric?

Americans like electric things.

Ha. Not this American.

I know.

It makes you feel macho.

Yeah.

You're a real tiger.

You think you're Hemingway.

Hemingway had a beard.

Let me try.

No way, no way. I value my hide.

Please. No.

Please, please, just one little try.

Now who can refuse you anything?

Eh eh, like this.

No, nuh-uh. Yeah.

Not too much of an angle.

Uh-huh.

Uh-huh.

Ah.

Her p*ssy was a neat, discreet little cleft.

But as soon as the animal within was roused by my caresses, it would stir, draw aside the silken curtain covering its lair and become a carnivorous flower.

A baby's mouth greedily sucking my finger.

I loved to tease her clitoris with the tip of my tongue and then abandon it wet and glistening, like a little duck dabbling in a pool of pink flesh.

Right.

Nigel, come on. Don't look so shocked.

Eh.

Steady on, old boy.

I'm only going into such detail to show you how completely enslaved I was, body and soul, by this creature whose dangerous charms have made such an impression on you.

I-- why-- why do you keep saying that?

You mean I'm mistaken? Oh, all right.

I'll let it go. Leave me with my memories.

No, I mean-- if in some way it helps you to get it off your chest or something--

What a compassionate fellow you are, Nigel.

Actually, I-- to tell the truth, I should be going.

My wife will think I've fallen overboard.

You know, you'd have made a very good analyst.

Not many men would have listened to so much for so long.

Yeah.

Well, anyway, thanks for the drink.

What I can't understand is why he'd think you'd be interested in all these sordid details.

I haven't a clue.

He probably lets his hair down every time he corners a c*ptive audience.

Poor chap.

Poor chap? He's a verbal exhibitionist.

Right. It's his wife I feel sorry for.

Yeah.

Did I mention I met her in the bar last night?

No. No, I didn't, did I?

Was she feeling better?

Yeah, much better. Much better.

She's not bad-looking, actually.

Thank you.

They're coming.

What?

Your American friend and his wife.

Nigel.

Oh.

Just as long as he doesn't park himself on us.

After what he told you last night? He wouldn't dare, would he? Nigel, old chap.

Good to see you.

This must be your lovely wife.

Hi there, I'm Oscar.

Mimi you already know, don't you?

Hi. Hello.

So do you, Nigel, right? - Mm-hmm, yeah. Hello.

Look, I hate to break up a twosome, but would you mind if I joined you?

We had an invitation to the captain's table.

Trouble is, I'm allergic to beards.

Are you allergic to cripples?

Oh!

Well, after an intro like that, how could we refuse?

Fine, it's settled, then.

Off you go, baby.

Thanks. Have fun.

Mmm. Mimi doesn't share my aversion.

In fact, she's not too choosy in general.

Can't be. She couldn't have married me.

What a girl.

Knocking 'em dead as usual.

Just wine for me, white.

Anything as long as it's not retsina.

Yes, Mimi's very lovely.

But you-- I still don't know your name, by the way.

Fiona.

Fiona. I hope you won't think me forward, but I find your own brand of beauty more subtle.

It has that inimitably British quality-- a kind of reticence that hints at untapped potentiality.

French Chablis, sir.

Nigel's been tapping my potentialities for years. Haven't you, Nigel?

Well, Nigel?

Well, come on, your lovely wife has just implied that she's lost all her mystery for you.

True or false?

No, I mean, I think there's probably a corner of everyone that remains to be explored.

Halfhearted, but better than nothing.

Well, Fiona, He's right, though. Everyone has secret nooks and crannies.

Every relationship, no matter how harmonious, contains seeds of farce, tragedy.

Mmm.

I do not like the look of that sky much.

I hope the weather's going to hold.

Jesus, don't tell me you're taking refuge in the weather.

You know what I hope?

I hope the ship goes down and we're all marooned on a desert island.

I'd wind up the sole survivor.

That's charming. And why do you say that?

Because no one would be tempted to cannibalize my shriveled carcass.

I hope he hasn't been boring you.

No, not at all.

Your husband has a great sense of humor.

Black humor, but still, he's been keeping us thoroughly entertained.

- See, baby? - See what?

Our British friends find me entertaining.

In small doses, perhaps.

But now we must leave them in peace.

Ah, indeed.

Thanks for taking care of him.

Not at all.

Ah, Fiona, I've already imposed on you, but may I beg a favor?

As I'm sure he told you, Nigel and I had a chat last night.

I found him such stimulating company.

Could I borrow him again this afternoon?

Just for an hour or so?

Well, he's quite grown up. He doesn't have to have mommy's permission.

Ta.

The seasons came and went.

Mimi's face still held a thousand mysteries for me, her body a thousand sweet promises.

But lurking at the back of my mind was an unspoken fear that we'd already scaled the heights of our relationship.

It would all be downhill from now on.

And then something happened.

Something that would put things on a totally different plane.

We were at Kitzbühel.

Skiing vacation.

I'd rented a chalet there.

It was one of those nights, warm and cozy inside, great fat snowflakes drifting down in the blackness beyond the frosted panes, no light but the glow from the set, Mimi on the floor wearing a T-shirt and nothing else, watching some old American soap dubbed in German, and me on the couch watching her, sprawled in a sort of boozy stupor.

All at once, she got up, stalked over to the set, spread her legs, and pissed on the screen like she wanted to blot it out.

Time stood still for an instant.

Then I rolled off the couch.

I crawled over like a lunatic.

I wormed my way between her legs and I turned over.

And right away, I was engulfed with this warm, golden cascade.

It spattered my cheeks, it filled my nostrils, it stung my eyes.

And then something jolted my brain with multi-megavolt intensity.

There was this blinding flash in the back of my eyeballs.

I experienced the orgasm of a lifetime.

For God's sake, man.

It was like a white-hot blade piercing me through and through.

This was my Nile, my Ganges, my Jordan, my fountain of youth, my second baptism.

Look, I think I'm probably as broad-minded as the next man, but, I mean, honestly, there are limits.

Stop twittering, Nigel.

I'm sharing a revelation with you, damn it.

I'm trying to expand your sexual horizons.

Oh, I see. And what makes you think they need expanding?

I'm sure your tumbles with Fiona are all perfectly adequate.

Very sanitary and hygienic in their way.

You bloody well leave us out of this.

I mean, at least we've got some decency.

What do you think you're doing, sharing the details of your perverted sex life with a total stranger?

It's just downright obscene.

Have you ever felt real overpowering passion?

Have you ever truly idolized a woman?

Nothing can be obscene in such a love.

Everything that occurs between you becomes a sacrament.

Don't you see?

Come on, sit down.

Have another cup of tea.

It'll steady your nerves.

So, anyway, that was our sexual Rubicon.

It opened up all sorts of new possibilities.

I always had a suspicion it might be supremely pleasurable to be humiliated by a beautiful woman.

But it was only now I realized what this could entail.

Mimi.

We shut ourselves up with our toys for weeks on end, never going out, seeing no one but each other.

I guess it was asking too much of any couple.

Oscar? Just a minute.

Did you really have all these women?

What women?

The ones you write about.

Does it matter?

It's a book, for Christ's sake.

I know, I'm just curious.

Do you like it? That's what matters.

It's very sexy.

Forget about sex for two seconds.

What do you think of the quality of the writing?

I can't judge.

My English isn't good enough.

"My English isn't good enough."

Why read the f*cking book at all?

Because I love you.

Because I love everything to do with you.

It's a pity you're not in publishing.

I'd be at the top of the best-seller list by now.

When will it be published?

You tell me.

I'm working on it.

We were getting to be like two goldfish in a bowl.

"Come on," I told her.

"We need a change of scene.

Let's each round up a few friends and hit the town."

♪ 'Cause you're not welcome anymore ♪

♪ Weren't you the one

♪ Who tried to hurt me with goodbye? ♪

♪ Did you think I'd crumble?

♪ Did you think I'd lay down and die? ♪ No. ♪ Oh, no, not I

♪ I will survive

♪ Oh, as long as I know how to love ♪

♪ I know I'll stay alive

♪ I've got all my life to live ♪

♪ I've got all my love to give ♪

♪ And I'll survive

♪ I will survive

♪ Hey, hey Totally! It's true.

Ya think?

♪ All that I have is all that you've given me ♪

♪ Did you never worry

♪ That I'd come to depend on you? ♪

♪ I gave you all the love I had in me ♪

♪ Now I find you've lied

♪ And I can't believe it's true ♪

♪ Wrapped in her arms

♪ I see you across the street ♪

♪ I see you across the street ♪

♪ And I can't help but wonder ♪

♪ If she knows what's going on ♪

♪ Oh, you talk of love

♪ But you don't know how it feels ♪

♪ When you realize

♪ That you're not the only one... ♪

'Night. What's the matter?

♪ Oh, you'd better stop...

I'd always found infidelity the most titillating aspect of any relationship.

That scene should have turned me on.

So why didn't it?

Why did I feel so hurt?

Pas de cigarette, s'il vous plait.

Hi.

Oscar?

Why did you do it?

Why don't you say something?

What do you want me to say?

Why did you walk out on me like that?

You don't know?

You started it, flirting with my old roommate.

You were all over her.

Bullshit. We were having a couple laughs.

And we were just having a dance.

Some dance.

Decent of you not to f*ck him on the floor.

Oh! I'm sorry, I'm sorry.

I did it because I was jealous.

Please, please, forgive me.

You're my tiger.

I don't want anyone but you!

Not ever!

I love you.

I love you.

I loved her too.

But our credit was running out.

We were headed for sexual bankruptcy.

Mmm, I smell pig.

- Don't laugh. - Don't talk.

Come, piggy!

Where is he?

Come, piggy wiggy.

Where are you?

Get off! Get off!

How dare you try to f*ck me, you filthy beast?

Take that.

Harder. Shut up.

Harder. Shut up!

Aw, you spoiled it.

Pigs don't talk.

How can I believe in a pig that talks?

You know something?

I don't believe in it either.

Not anymore.

That was it.

The spell was broken at last.

Ah, jolly good thing too, if you ask me.

Hate to think what you'd be up to next.

Don't worry, Nigel. There's plenty more to tell.

What makes you think I want to hear it?

I still don't know what gives you the idea that I enjoy being used as a rubbish dump for your unsavory reminiscences.

Don't you?

Don't you really, Nigel?

He's still here?

Yeah, I'm afraid I am, yes.

But I'm just off now.

You know, Nigel has been extremely patient with me.

We don't see eye to eye on everything, but we share at least one interest in common.

You, baby.

I suppose that's why he keeps coming back for more.

Anyway, as I say, I'm just off.

So thanks very much for the tea.

Toodle-oo.

Bye.

Oh! Sorry. You were gone long enough.

I am really sorry, darling.

I was going to go to dinner without you.

It's just incredibly hard to get away.

You saw what he's like.

She there too? Who?

Wrong answer, Nigel. Yes or no would have been fine.

But "who"? You know perfectly well who I mean.

Oh, right, Mimi.

Yeah, she rolled up just as I was leaving.

Odd creature.

So you said-- odd, but not bad-looking.

Most men would find her stunning.

Most women too, for that matter.

Well, look, I am not most men.

I'm your husband, right?

There we go.

Here they are, all locked up.

Oh, hello. I say, is this your little girl?

It is indeed. Amrita, say hello to the lady and gentleman.

Hello. Hello, Amrita.

That's a very pretty name. It's almost as pretty as you are.

Quite enchanting. Where have you been hiding her?

I have a nanny that looks after her.

And your wife? I'm a widower, dear lady.

Oh, I'm so sorry. That's all right.

Anyway, it's lovely to have a child on board.

Yeah, it makes a change from all the wrinklies.

And you? Have you provided for your posterity?

Sorry?

I mean, you have a wife that loves children so much.

I was just wondering if you yourself have a family.

Uh, no, no, we haven't, actually, no.

No, Nigel thinks the world is overpopulated enough as it is without us adding to the problem.

Well, an admirable sentiment in India, perhaps, but surely the green fields of England can afford to have a few more mouths to feed.

What? Oh, I say, look at that. Look.

Oh, look, Amrita, look. See?

Isn't that beautiful? - You cold, darling?

Gosh, I should have brought my coat.

Oh, please, allow me.

Oh, that's very kind. Here we are.

Thank you, thank you.

I'll just go and-- I'll fetch you something from the cabin.

See you in a sec. Okay.

Believe me, dear lady, children are a better form of marital therapy than any trip to India.

You mustn't believe all he says.

He's a sick man.

He imagines things.

Please, don't think badly of me.

I mean, what are you playing at this time?

It matters to me what you think.

Does it?

Does it really?

I have to talk with you, Nigel.

I have to explain.

All right.

Go ahead.

No, not here.

My cabin. We won't be disturbed there.

Please.

Um, I can't-- I'm afraid-- afraid I can't, not now.

No, later.

5:00, cabin DS1.

Yes?

A newspaper!

Brought your coat. Ah. Thanks, Mr. Singh.

Very well.

What a lovely story.

Say thank you, Amrita.

So if your daddy will let me, I'll come tell you some other stories sometime. Would you like that?

Two hearts.

Pass.

Four hearts.

Ich pass.

No bid.

Pass.

Uh, you won't believe this, but I've got to go and see that chap again.

I thought you'd had enough of all that.

I know, it's just he won't take no for an answer.

Uh, I'm so sorry, but I've simply got to go.

I wonder, would you like to take my place?

I should be delighted. Great.

Bridge just keeps on going.

I once played 48 hours nonstop.

You leave your partner in safe hands.

Excellent. I do apologize.

Please excuse me.

Entschuldigung and all that.

Close the door.

April fool!

You pathetic, sick--

Do you want her?

Yes or no.

I don't want anything more to do with either of you, ever.

Let go. Let me go or I'll--

"Let me go or I'll call my mommy!"

Go on, get out.

Crawl back to your matrimonial tomb.

You know what? I pity you.

I genuinely pity you both if this is the way you have to get your kicks.

I get no kicks out of this, believe me.

Yes, and what was this-- what was this little farce, then?

How else could we get you here?

And why is that suddenly of such incredible importance?

Mimi wants you to hear the rest of our story.

She thinks it'll help her chances with you.

What are you, her pimp?

I don't begrudge Mimi the right to look elsewhere for what I can no longer supply.

I merely supervise her affairs instead of submitting to them.

You can have her, Nigel, with my blessings, on one condition.

You hear me out.

You make me sick.

Why are you still standing here?

Come on, Nigel.

It was a joke.

Have a sense of humor, for Christ's sake.

Come on, sit down. Make yourself comfortable.

Use my wheelchair.

The brake! The brake!

Have a heart, Nigel.

Don't be too rough on a man demolished by a love that was too strong.

Yes, sir.

We should have stopped right there.

Lovers should quit when their passion is at its peak, not wait until its inevitable decline.

As it was, my desire for her had begun to wane.

There she would lie, gorgeous, voluptuous, and it didn't do a thing for me.

I came to resent her failure to excite me the way she used to.

We were developing a narcotic dependence on television, the marital aid that enables a couple to endure each other without having to talk.

A New York editress was overnighting in Paris on her way to the Frankfurt Book Fair and I wanted to show her a good time.

It was a PR job.

And I was apprehensive of her reaction to Mimi, who tended to upstage every other woman in sight.

You wearing that?

Mmm.

That dress? What about it?

Couldn't you wear something else?

What's wrong with it?

Nothing.

What do you mean, nothing?

You think it makes me look fat, eh?

You think it makes my ass look fat.

Did I say that?

You think I've got a fat ass.

You said that. I didn't.

So you do think I've got a fat ass.

Jesus, Mimi, give me a break.

You wouldn't have said that once upon a time.

You liked my ass.

I still like your ass. I'm crazy about your ass.

You don't love me anymore.

For Christ's sake, wear what you f*cking want, Mimi.

Wear a f*cking bathrobe for all I care.

The trouble is, Oscar, publishing isn't what it used to be.

It's the bottom line that counts now.

Proven track records, advance sales.

No one's going to invest in a newcomer who hasn't proven himself.

So an unknown can't get published unless he's known?

Sounds like a catch-22 to me.

Well, you could call it that.

And your Parisian settings don't help any.

When are you going to come back home?

The United States, where it's at?

No, you wouldn't do that.

Oscar's a fixture here. He's like the Eiffel Tower.

He's right, Beverly. I love it here.

I feel at home. Good for you.

Come on, get a life.

Paris is out-- vieux jeu. It's a literary mausoleum.

Henry Miller used it up 50 years ago.

God, I don't think France has been the same since they gave up absinthe.

Oh!

Ah, sorry, I'm fine. Hey!

I'm fine, I'm fine. Let me clean it up.

Thank you. I'm fine, I'm fine.

You know what? I should make you my agent.

That'd solve all my problems.

"Paris is out. Vieux jeu."

You really did me some good tonight.

Like I don't have enough trouble getting published.

I couldn't bear to see you crawl up her ass like that.

I'll crawl up the ass of anyone I f*cking well feel like.

Yours isn't the only one in town.

Is that how you feel?

That's exactly how I feel.

In that case, I'd better go.

Okay, you do that.

I'm going now.

Uh-huh.

Are you sad I'm going? Uh-huh.

You're not sad.

I am sad. But it's better this way.

My keys.

Thanks.

I love you. I love you so much.

Please don't make me go.

Please.

Stop crying.

Go make some coffee or something, huh?

I came to dread bedtime.

I would feel this overpowering desire to sleep.

Gee.

I'm bushed.

I'd feel sorry for her.

Good night.

Lying there with her belly crying famine, her organs in turmoil.

Kiss me good night.

Not like that. Hold me.

I would crush my lips against hers like you mash out a butt in an ashtray.

But that was only a prelude to the most unoriginal act known to man, the process referred to as copulation.

I felt like a rat in a trap.

Out there, people were having fun, dancing, making love.

Paris was throbbing to its own frenetic rhythms.

They pounded away in my head, driving me crazy.

I craved variety. I hungered for noise and excitement.

Yeah.

Yeah.

Yes.

Yeah-- oh, no!

No! Oh! Oh, no!

Oh! Holy sh*t!

Do you have to drink it that way?

Why can't you use a glass?

What's the difference? It tastes the same.

It doesn't look the same.

Oh, la la.

I didn't know you were so delicate.

What do you mean, delicate? I mean delicate.

I know what you mean, but it's just not the right word in English.

If you don't know the right word in English, say it in French.

I don't say it in French because your French isn't good enough.

It's better than your English.

After all these years in Paris?

So it should be.

Maybe your English isn't that good either.

Maybe that's why no one wants to publish your books.

Now you're a literary critic?

That's great coming from a waitress.

I'm not a waitress. I'm a dancer.

Dancer, hell.

You'd still be begging for tips if I hadn't picked you up out of that f*cking restaurant.

You little bitch!

Okay, show's over. You can get up now.

Mimi.

Jesus, don't do this to me.

Baby? Come on, say something.

Please.

God Almighty.

Bonjour.

Uh... no.

No, no.

Allô? All?

J'ai mal.

Where?

Où tu as mal?

My head.

Is it bad?

How bad is it?

Tiger.

Should I call a doctor?

Just hold me.

Baby, forgive me, please.

I love you.

Wow, it's great.

Thank you. Oh, thank you!

I'm so happy.

What a lovely evening.

I wish it could last forever.

Forever's a long time, baby.

I can't think in those terms. I never could.

When something is good, don't you want it to last forever?

Sure, but good things never do.

Not even us?

Are we so good?

Aren't we?

Well, now that you come to mention it, no.

Not anymore.

Come on, Mimi, let's stop kidding ourselves.

I don't understand.

Look, it was sweet while it lasted.

Boy, it was sweet.

But it's going sour, isn't it?

Well, isn't it?

You know, I've been hoping that you'd take the initiative.

But, no, you seem quite happy to let things keep on dragging on this way.

Well, I'm not. I'm degrading myself by degrading you.

We're degrading each other, for God's sake.

Let's not spoil a beautiful memory.

Let's quit while we still have a few shreds of dignity left.

But I love you.

And I want to-- I want to marry you.

I want to give you babies.

I want to give you the rest of my life.

I don't want the rest of your life. I want my own.

Can't you get it through your head?

What did I do wrong?

Did I ever harm you?

Oscar, tell me.

Even a criminal is told his crime.

What did I do?

You didn't do anything.

You exist, that's all.

I understand.

Did I miss her?

Sure, I did.

But I also experienced an incredible sense of freedom.

The future seemed bright with promise, peopled with a thousand alluring images, most of them female.

sh*t!

Oui?

It's me. Oscar?

I'm here.

I'm scared.

What?

I can't live without you.

I'm afraid you're just going to have to.

I won't.

Look, we've been through all this before, haven't we?

So why don't we give it a rest?

Look up some friends, have some fun.

We just went over the top, that's all.

In a few days, you'll be grateful to me for having made the first move.

Was she playacting?

I couldn't be sure.

I called her old roommate.

No dice.

I spent the rest of the day wondering, half the night drinking.

I was waiting for you.

I can see that. I wonder why. You know why.

I know I'm wrecked and I'm gonna crash.

No, wait!

Let go of me.

No, I want to tell you something.

There's nothing more to be said, Mimi.

Please! For Christ's sake.

It's not going to make it any easier on us.

You-- you've got to listen to me, please.

Please listen to me. Oh, for God's sake.

Please!

All right.

You better come in.

You want one?

All right.

What's so important?

It's true what I said.

I can't live without you.

Oh, if that's all you came to tell me--

Please don't throw me out! It's too late.

Give me one last chance.

I'm ready to live with you on any terms, any at all.

I can't bear anything else because when I'm with you sometimes--

You can shout at me.

You can leave me. You can have other women.

I don't care what you do, but please... don't send me away.

Even if you don't love me anymore, keep me with you out of pity.

There's nothing I wouldn't do to stay with you.

Please, please!

Please!

I beg you!

Please!

Please, I beg you!

Everyone has a sadistic streak.

And nothing brings it out better than the knowledge you've got someone at your mercy.

If she really fancied living in a living hell, I'd make it so hot, even she would want out.

It feels so good.

Yeah, it does, Cindy.

Cindy?

I mean Mimi.

Uh, Mimi.

Sure, I'm on.

Yeah, why not?

Round up a couple of chicks. We'll make a night of it.

Mm-hmm. Who?

Ah, you bet.

It's the best piece of ass this side of the river.

All right. Yeah, I'll see you there.

Yeah?

Dinner's ready.

I'm eating out.

Tonight?

What's so special about tonight?

It's your holiday. What holiday?

Thanksgiving.

I wanted to surprise you.

All right. Let's see what you got.

Christ, what is that?

Turkey.

I cooked it for you special.

Cremated it, you mean.

That's it. I'm off.

Won't you even try a little?

You're joking.

I have too much respect for my dentist.

Listen, in the future, forget about cooking.

Stick to what you can do. You know, which reminds me, what happened to your dance classes?

Dancing has to come from the heart. So?

My heart is broken.

♪ Sweet dreams are made of this ♪

♪ Who am I to disagree?

I was getting to her at last.

I'd achieved the impossible.

She was losing her looks and her figure, wasting away, breaking out in nervous rashes, developing spots.

♪ Some of them want to get used by you ♪

♪ Some of them want to abuse you... ♪ We were just admiring your new hairstyle.

Really?

Yeah. Susan here thinks it suits you. I do too.

I can't put my finger on it, but it reminds me of something.

Oh, I know. Rita.

Rita?

You know, Rita.

Rita-- the neighbor's dog.

Just a minute, wait.

What's that? It looks like a zit.

It is.

And your nose is shiny too.

Hon, I'm not a makeup artist, but I could do better than that.

Hey!

I didn't know we were having a Halloween party.

She was so easy to hurt.

It was getting to be like sh**ting fish in a barrel.

Not now, for Christ's sake!

Can't you see that I'm trying to work?

Anyway, have I ever asked you to clean the house for me?

No.

So stop playing the martyr.

And take that thing off your head.

It makes you look even uglier than usual.

You're really letting yourself go.

You know, I'm ashamed to be seen going around with you these days.

What is it now?

I-- I expect--

Huh?

What do you expect?

A baby.

What did you say?

I'm going to have a baby.

Oh, my God.

How long have you known?

Only since yesterday.

Two months, the doctor says.

What are you going to do about it?

Do about it?

Look at me.

Do I look like a daddy?

Can you see us bringing up a child in this place?

I'm pushing 40. I haven't even sold a single book yet.

The world doesn't know I exist.

Not a day goes by that I don't think it might be better just to k*ll myself and be done with it.

Would it be fair to saddle a child with a father like this?

Be honest.

They told me there were complications, but I wasn't prepared to see her looking like a marble figure on a tomb.

For a moment, I-- I almost weakened.

You came.

Why wouldn't I?

I brought you flowers.

You're here. Nothing else matters.

I've been thinking.

When you're on your feet, we'll go away together.

Just the two of us.

Away?

Yeah.

Far, far away.

sh*t. No room.

You look pale, baby.

Feeling all right?

Excuse me.

Oh, pardon. Je me excuse.

Look, there it is.

That's what you need, baby.

I can just see you luxuriating under one of them palms with a tall glass in your hand.

Oh, hell, I can't sit through the whole trip this way.

I'm gonna get them to stow it somewhere.

I'll be right back.

Your baggage has already been loaded and it can't travel without you.

No.

This is all I got.

May I see your ticket, please?

I shall have to check with the captain.

I could picture her looking out the window at that beautiful moon, the same one I could see, but I bet it didn't look the same to her.

It depends on your state of mind, the way things grab you.

To her, it must have been poison.

To me, sweet as a peach.

I don't know about you.

Sometimes I think you make things up as you go along.

I wish you were right, Nigel.

My imagination isn't half that fertile.

I might have made it into print after all.

I mean, if even half that story were true, you'd be too bloody ashamed to tell it.

Boy.

You still don't know me at all.

You're still angry with me?

I don't know. I'm confused.

I wanted you to hear it.

Well, my God, I'd sooner have heard it from you.

I leave the words to him.

They're all he has left.

When-- when can we be alone together?

I mean, really alone?

First hear the rest of the story.

Then we'll see.

Fiona?

Ooh!

Here you are. I wondered where you were.

Ah, you missed dinner.

I completely lost track of time. I'm really sorry.

Never mind. Dado's been keeping me company.

Good. How did the bridge go?

It was a disaster.

Really?

We had very, very bad luck.

Never had such terrible hands in my entire life.

Never mind, Dado-- unlucky at cards, lucky in love.

May I offer you a drink?

No, thanks very much. I think some other time.

Are you coming, darling?

Goodbye.

Bye.

Smarmy bugger.

I bet he'd like to climb inside your pants.

You can talk.

I-- what do you mean?

God, Nigel, I'm not a complete fool.

These sessions with that American freak.

I know what the attraction is. It isn't his big blue eyes.

I'm sorry, I don't follow.

It's his wife you're after. You've got the hots for her, haven't you?

What?

I feel sorry for the girl, that's all.

Yeah.

So sorry that your tongue's hanging out.

Just watch it, Nigel.

Anything you can do, I can do better.

Oh, God.

Darling, I cannot understand why you won't take the Dramamine.

I told you, they knock me out.

Surely-- surely enough, it's better to sleep than suffer.

Come on. Good evening, ladies and gentlemen. to our gala fancy-dress ball tonight.

See the New Year in and dance till dawn to the music of Danny Garcia and his Boys.

For those without costumes, stewards can supply funny hats--

Funny hats, for God's sake.

Here.

Here, take another.

You like me taking pills, don't you, Nigel?

If it's not one kind, it's another.

I don't know why I bother.

Sorry, darling. What're you talking about?

The pill, Nigel. The pill.

We don't do it often enough nowadays to make it worthwhile.

Oh, really. Come on, please.

What are we doing here?

What are we looking for that we can't find at home?

Seven years and look where it got us.

I realize something now-- we shouldn't go to India at all.

We should be spending the whole six months in bed.

Sorry, darling, I'm not with you.

Too right you're not. You're somewhere bloody else, and I know where. It's like a drug.

Actually, that's all getting very boring.

If you're so obsessed with your dirty-minded little cr*pple and his sexy wife, why don't you just go back for another helping and leave me in peace? Fine!

If that's how you feel, I damn well will.

In time, Mimi became a distant memory, a closed chapter.

My sense of freedom returned with a vengeance.

I hadn't dumped Mimi for one particular woman.

I'd swapped her for all of womankind.

And I resolved to make up for lost time.

No more emotional entanglements.

I just wallowed in female flesh like a pig in clover, ricocheted from bed to bed, grabbed whatever was going, hurried on.

Every day held the promise of some new short-lived sexual experience, the shorter the better.

Every time I looked into one woman's eyes, I could see the reflection of the next.

After two years of screwing around, I gave up all pretense of writing and turned night into day.

Like Dracula, I rose at dusk and retired to my pad at dawn.

No, mais non.

The night is young.

"The night is young."

Eh eh!

No!

Arrêt!

Ah!

I was luckier than I deserved.

Just a concussion and a fractured femur that kept me lying there like a mummy for weeks.

None of my conquests bothered to check if I was still breathing.

Hi.

Well, I'll be damned.

Jesus.

So you didn't k*ll yourself?

What for? I was dead already.

Well, you're looking great anyway.

I'm feeling great. Here.

I brought you these.

Thanks.

You may as well sit down while you're here.

Where you been all this time?

You bought the tickets. You should know.

Martinique? You stayed on?

What have you been doing with yourself?

Working at a hotel.

Waiting tables?

Yes.

Till the manager found out I could dance, and then he put me in a floor show.

Kind of him.

Oh, yes, he was very kind.

He almost restored my faith in human nature.

Only almost?

He did until I remembered you.

Touché.

What are you doing back here?

Just visiting. I heard about your misfortune, thought I'd see if you needed anything.

You know what I really need, baby?

I need you to stay out of my life.

You haven't lost your charm, Oscar.

I should have known.

Well, goodbye.

Remember the carousel?

Sure, I remember the carousel.

I remember it like a trip to the dentist.

Easy, easy!

Ah!

Ah, ah, ah!

assh*le. Did you think I'd forgotten?

She came to see me when I got out of intensive care.

She said, "There's bad news and there's good news.

You're paralyzed from the waist down, permanently."

"Okay," I said, "let's have the good news."

"That was the good news," she said.

"The bad news is that from now on, I'm taking care of you."

We were a couple once more.

She moved back into my place and looked after me with a strange kind of devotion to duty.

She was my cook, my housekeeper, my jailer, and my nurse.

Oh, couldn't you--

I mean, it makes my leg shake if you always sh**t me in the same spot.

You see?

It makes the leg shake.

Couldn't you find some other place?

Oh, you want me to have another go?

No, not now, the next time-- No, I can try it--

Now look what you made me do, silly.

My God, you're not going to use it again?

None left.

I'll get some more tomorrow.

It crossed my mind that she might still love me in spite of everything.

After all, it's no fun hurting someone who means nothing to you.

Hey, tiger.

Come and get it.

Aren't you having any?

I'm going out.

Nothing in it?

Like what?

I don't know, maybe tomatoes, mushrooms?

Oh, would you like some mushrooms?

Well, yeah, that would be nice.

You want some, go pick some.

Allô?

Yes, I do.

Oh, no, he's not available.

Who's calling, please?

No, this is his nurse speaking.

What the-- hey, who says I'm not available?

Ah, you heard.

Yeah, very sad.

Who is it?

No, quite impossible, I'm afraid.

He's completely incapacitated.

I will. You're welcome.

Goodbye. Who was it?

"Paris is out. Vieux jeu."

Beverly, you mean? What did she want?

What did she want, for God's sake?

How would I know?

Well, you might have let me speak to her.

I said, you might have let me speak to her.

I heard you.

Jesus, Mimi, I never get to see or speak to a soul these days.

It's like I'm in solitary.

Is it?

Look, I know I deserve all I get.

I treated you like a monster.

I am a monster. Tiger!

You don't have the right to criticize yourself.

That's my privilege.

I know. I earned it.

But I promise, I will never hurt you again.

You hurt me?

Very funny.

And don't play with your zizi while I'm gone.

There is no point.

Oh, thank God you're home.

You missed me? What do you think?

As much as you missed me after you dumped me?

Oh, no, not that again.

Please, let's not have a scene.

Why not? I love scenes.

I've developed a taste for them.

In fact, I can't do without them.

What is that?

What do you think it is?

What do you expect if you go out and leave me alone all night?

I wet myself, of course.

Oh, poor tiger.

I'd better change your diapers.

God, you stink.

Why don't you just finish me off?

Why don't you O.D. me or push me down the stairs or something?

Oh, I almost forgot.

It's your birthday, isn't it?

Is it?

I didn't remember.

♪ Happy birthday to you, happy birthday to you ♪

♪ Happy birthday to you, Oscar, happy birthday to you. ♪

Although she kept me starved of human contact, she enjoyed taking me out because she knew how much it hurt to be reminded of the simple little pleasures that were denied me forevermore.

Antoine!

Funny, you might have been good with kids.

Who knows?

You never will, that's for sure.

It wasn't that I just didn't want that child we made.

I-- I didn't think I was worthy of it.

You could still have some.

Not sure of that. I'm a safe f*ck these days.

What do you mean?

That abortion you so kindly paid for.

It left me with an infection.

I was quite ill in Martinique.

Almost d*ed, as a matter of fact.

You never told me.

Well, I'm telling you now.

Ah, Christ, what a sh*t I was.

I despise myself. I hate myself.

I hate myself worse than you could ever hate me.

Don't kid yourself, Oscar.

No one could hate you more than I do.

Why do you stay with me?

You really don't know?

Because you're precious to me.

More precious than ever before.

Here.

So there it was.

We needed each other, she and I.

It's getting awfully cold.

Mimi, the water is getting cold.

Ah, merde.

It's run out again.

I must speak to the concierge about it.

Don't go away.

Allô? Oui. Oui, et toi?

Mimi?

Mimi?

Mm-hmm.

- Hey, that was great. - Thank you.

You didn't know I could cook, did you?

Thought I could only shake a leg, huh?

You shake a leg real good.

Better than I cook? Sure.

Well, I mean, um-- no. Well, like you-- you cook real good, but you could dance even better.

You just don't work at it.

What's the point? I could never dance as good as you.

Sure, you could. - Oh, come on now.

You're special. Isn't he special, tiger?

Absolutely.

You see? He loves to watch you dance.

He thinks you're gorgeous. Right, tiger?

Right.

How about that? Look at that.

Get a load of that. Come on.

Hey, Mims, you're crazy.

Come on.

Isn't that something?

And he's not gay either. That's very rare.

Show him your extension.

Come on!

How about that, tiger?

You should try it sometime.

Come on, Basil, dance a little for Oscar.

I don't know. I ate too much.

No, come on.

The poor baby gets so little fun out of life these days.

No entertainment at all!

Well?

Come on, don't stop!

Dance! Dance!

I'd grown accustomed to being only half a man.

But that night, I really hit rock bottom.

It was a kind of catharsis, I guess.

We both knew we'd never rediscover the same extremes of passion and cruelty with another living soul.

Monsieur Oscar Benton...

Mademoiselle Micheline Bouvier?

Oui.

Mademoiselle Micheline Bouvier...

Monsieur Oscar Benton?

Oui.

We were like the survivors of a catastrophe so terrible it formed a bond between us shared by no one else in the world.

So the relationship had come full circle.

We'd reached a plateau.

The dust has settled since then, but I live in constant dread.

I'm forever afraid of losing what's left of her heart to some lucky bastard.

It feels strange to be confessing this to someone who's hoping he'll be the one.

Now don't deny it.

There's only room in this cabin for one hypocrite.

Well, if you're not going to stay and have another drink with me, you might as well go.

There's no more to tell.

I think I understand you better now.

And her?

Yeah, and her.

sh*t.

Look...

Let's be adult about this, shall we?

Yeah, adult-- that's the word.

"Anything I can do, you can do better."

Feel free.

I won't object if you have a little fling with that Italian, for example.

Uh, Fiona?

♪ And start heading for the door ♪

♪ There's a very strange vibration ♪

♪ Piercing me right to the core ♪

♪ It says, "Turn around, you fool ♪

♪ You know you love him more and more" ♪

♪ Tell me why

♪ Is it so?

♪ Don't wanna let you go

♪ Hey, I never can say goodbye, boy ♪

♪ Ooh, no, no

♪ I never can say goodbye

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, tell it, tell it ♪

♪ Hey, I never can say goodbye, boy ♪

♪ Oooh, baby

♪ I never can say goodbye

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, tell it, tell it ♪

♪ I never can say goodbye

♪ No, no

♪ I never can say goodbye

♪ Never can say goodbye

♪ I keep thinking that our problems ♪

♪ Soon are all gonna work out... ♪ Taking the plunge at last? Yep.

♪ There's that anguish, there's that doubt ♪

♪ It's that same old dizzy hang-up ♪

♪ I can't get by without you ♪

♪ Tell me why

♪ Is it so?

♪ I don't wanna let you go ♪

♪ No, I never can say goodbye, boy ♪

♪ Ooh, no, no

♪ I never can say goodbye

♪ No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, tell it, tell it ♪

♪ Hey, I never can say goodbye, boy ♪

♪ Oooh, baby...

I think I-- I think I need a drink.

♪ I never can say goodbye...

I said I think I need a drink.

Can I get you one?

♪ Never can say goodbye...

Can I have a whiskey, please? No ice.

Hey! That was some stunt!

Pretty good for a guy with two left feet.

Well, I don't pretend to be a dancer.

Just kidding, Nigel.

I'm not so hot myself.

♪ My cherie amour...

Will you look at that Latin loverboy go?

♪ My cherie amour...

Watch out, he'll snap her up.

Almost time.

Where is that English rose of yours?

She'll miss all the fun if she doesn't hurry up.

Fiona? She's really not much of a sailor.

She's flat out on her bunk.

Now that is a disappointment.

Yeah, yeah. Dosed herself on Dramamine.

Pity.

Mimi and I were hoping to cr*ck a bottle of champagne with you later on.

The two of you.

A little farewell get-together with our special friends.

Right, folks, this is it.

If you've got something you want to do this year, you'd better hurry up.

We've got only about 10 seconds left.

Nine... Eight, seven, six, five, four, three, two, one!

♪ Should auld acquaintance

♪ Be forgot

♪ And never brought to mind? ♪ Well, baby?

♪ Should auld acquaintance

♪ Be forgot...

Happy days, Oscar.

Sure. Happy days.

Your good health.

You notice that I do not say "happy New Year."

To those whose gaze is focused on eternity, one year is the same as the next.

You don't say?

In that case, cheers.

I would like to send a bottle of champagne over to room A29, on my tab, Oscar Benton. Eh?

All right, boys and girls, that'll do.

Come on, stop that.

Is this any way to start a new year?

Please, let's have some peace.

Shalom! Shalom!

All right, all right, that'll do, boys and girls.

♪ I've been alone with you inside my mind ♪

♪ And in my dreams

♪ I've kissed your lips

♪ A thousand times

♪ I sometimes see you

♪ Pass outside my door

♪ Hello

♪ Is it me you're looking for? ♪

♪ I can see it in your eyes

♪ I can see it in your smile... ♪ No.

Why?

I thought-- You thought what?

But you-- you said--

I mean, I know how your story ends now.

No, you don't. Not yet.

I think--

I think I've fallen in love with you.

Come on, I'm just a fantasy, an amusement on a boring voyage.

What? You mean it's still just a game?

Did I ever say it wasn't?

But--

I'm truly and sincerely in love with you.

That's why you will never have me.

You're hurting terribly.

The way you're hurting your wife?

She doesn't know about us. She'll--

She's looking right at us.

♪ 'Cause I wonder where you are ♪

♪ And I wonder what you do... ♪ Having a good time?

Darling, this is wonderful.

Yes, isn't it? How are you feeling?

Good as new, thanks to your ministrations.

There.

Now you can make your New Year's resolutions.

Darling, do you think it's safe to drink on an empty stomach?

Who wants to be safe?

No?

Living dangerous tonight.

That's the spirit, Fiona.

I knew that your presence would add a little spice to the night's proceedings.

That was a very kind thought of yours.

I've never seen my husband in action with another woman before.

Oscar was sweet enough to have me woken with a bottle of champagne.

You call that action?

I don't think he was getting anywhere with her.

♪ Tell her I'll be waiting... ♪ It's a shame.

♪ And there's no escape

♪ To need a woman

♪ You've got to know

♪ How the strong get weak

♪ And the rich get poor

♪ sl*ve to love

♪ Oh

♪ sl*ve to love

♪ You're running with me

♪ Don't touch the ground

♪ We're the restless hearted ♪

♪ Not the chained and bound

♪ The sky is burning

♪ A sea of flame

♪ Though your world is changing ♪

♪ I will be the same

♪ sl*ve to love

♪ Oh

♪ sl*ve to love

♪ sl*ve to love

♪ Na na na na

♪ sl*ve to love

♪ And I can't escape

♪ I'm a sl*ve to love...

Maybe I made a mistake about you, Nigel.

Maybe your wife would have been a better bet.

♪ Can you help me?

♪ The storm is breaking...

Come on, stop sulking, man.

You ought to be glad they're getting it on so well.

Come on.

Put a funny hat on. It'll make you feel better.

Throw some streamers at 'em. Come on.

Thattaboy!

It's the Titanic all over again!

♪ Nearer my God to thee!

♪ Nearer to thee!

I know how you feel, Nigel.

I've been a loser all my life.

Join the club.

Don't touch me! If you weren't a cr*pple, I'd knock your f*cking head off.

Go ahead if it'll help.

I deserve your hatred. I'm abominable.

I'm pathetic.

♪ Tell her I'll be waiting ♪

♪ In the usual place...

No, not that way, Nigel!

Nigel, you'd better hurry! There'll be nothing left for you!

f*cking hell!

Ahhh!

Is she here?

Did you ever see such an allegory of grace and beauty?

Two nymphs sleeping off their amatory exertions.

You really missed something, Nigel.

Fiona was a revelation.

All fire.

I doubt if you've ever really made the most of her.

Oh!

Get your g*dd*mn hands off me.

You prick.

You don't deserve to hear the rest of my story.

Ah, right.

You're okay, just-- just give me that thing, all right?

Otherwise you're going to hurt somebody.

Come on, man. Don't be a bloody fool. Give it to me.

Hurt somebody?

No.

Not anymore.

We were just too greedy, baby.

That was all.

Hello.

Hello, sweetheart.

My father says to wish you a happy New Year.