01x05 - Alone In This (You Have Me)

[bunniefuu]

-f*ck! -[Kn*fe CLANGS]

You did it.

What? Cut myself?

No, you altered the timeline.

But not really.

But yes, really. But also, not.

It doesn't matter, because you have it.

What do I have?

I have to tell you everything.

[GERALDINE HUMMING]

JACOB: When I was six, my mother was the center of our universe.

[HUMMING CONTINUES]

Mama, what're you singing?

Something I heard in a dream.

[HUMMING CONTINUES]

No, no, no. I don't think so. Not a good idea.

Why is your boyfriend moving our couch?

ALMA: Uh, I guess my mind's wandering a little bit.

-This is important. -I know, I'm sorry, I just--

I gotta deal with something real quick.

Hey, babe. Whatcha doing?

Oh, you know, I was just thinking about how everything is always so smooth with us.

You know, how we never have any weird secrets or deep betrayals.

-sh*t. -I broke up with you!

And you've been lying to me this whole time!

-Becca told you. -Why would Becca tell me?

Because she cheated on Reed with the bartender!

-Wait. What? -Yeah. I figured it out.

And she didn't want me to tell you, and I was like, "I can't lie to Alma."

And then she blackmailed me with this other thing, and yeah, she's a liar!

Be the sky, be the sky, be the sky.

YOUNG ALMA: You're it.

YOUNG BECCA: No, you're it.

Alma, Becca. Come here, I want to show you something.

[CAMILA CHUCKLES]

The Spaniards called this El Baño Del Rey.

-That means "Bath of the King." -"Bath of the King."

But nobody knows what it was used for.

I mean, was it a king's bathtub?

Or maybe it was a reflecting pool?

Mmm, maybe it was a big mirror!

Or maybe it was just a bathtub. Bathtubs are fun, too.

-I like baths. -CAMILA: That's my good girl.

Okay now, when you imagine your great-great-great grandmother's life, she was a Nahuatl Indian--

We're mostly Spanish.

Okay, but we have some indigenous blood, right, Mom?

Yes, but people are not so nice to Indians, so be careful what you say.

JACOB: So, when you picture your Nahuatl grandmother's life, what would this big hole be used for?

Um, for washing clothes.

JACOB: Anything special about it?

YOUNG ALMA: Yeah!

You could go underwater, and hold onto the clothes, and they would send you into a magic underneath world.

That's great. I really like that.

Or, maybe it was just a bathtub, and that's okay, too.

Yeah, that's okay, too.

You're it!

Wait. Did you bring me here?

This is where my research really began.

No, no. Not then, now.

"Then, now--" it's...

Dad, I was in the middle of a conversation.

But I have so much to tell you, and you're finally ready.

And I want to learn. I want to do this.

But... Sam.

[RUMBLING]

So you see, it wasn't so much a lie as a "rolling with it" situation.

You seemed to think everything was okay, and I just didn't want to confuse you.

You're saying we broke up, you moved all of your stuff out, then you moved it back in without my permission, while I was in the hospital, to not confuse me?

Yeah, I guess that's what I'm saying.

-Yeah, I just need you to go. -Wait.

-Like "go" go? -Yeah, just...

I need to think about how I ended up here and how I ever trusted you.

SAM: Wait! If I can just explain myself.

Look, yes, it was a terrible thing to do, but--

[SAM'S VOICE MUFFLED]

[SOFT MUSIC PLAYING]

[VOICES MUFFLED, INDISTINCT]

[CAMILA SOBS]

TEACHER: Feel the vibrations of the music.

[VARIOUS INSTRUMENTS PLAYING]

TEACHER: Imagine it is moving through your neighbor's body.

It's moving through all our bodies, connecting us.

[THUMPING]

-[MARACAS RATTLING] -[ALMA PANTING]

ALMA: Wait, Dad, I want to stay here.

I need to show you something.

Dad, don't change it yet. I was happy here.

Yeah, but happiness can be an escape.

[ALMA SIGHS]

Wow, that's depressing.

[BIRDS CHIRPING]

[STRUMMING]

Is that a guitar?

Yes, it is. It's called a concha.

It's made out of an armadillo shell.

MAN: Which was a blessing because it carries within the key numbers of the whole universe.

Really?

You also carry a universe within you.

-I do? -I'm gonna sing a song for that universe.

Okay!

[STRUMMING CONCHA]

[SINGS IN NAHUATL]

[GERALDINE HUMMING]

I know that melody.

My mother used to hum it.

Really? Where did she hear it?

She said she heard it in a dream.

In a dream. Maybe she was a priestess.

Like this little one.

No, um, she wasn't. She most definitely wasn't.

Or maybe she was, and she didn't know it.

She needed the guidance of the elders.

JACOB: And that got me thinking.

Research had recently come out showing that people with schizophrenia, like my mother, they have large ventricles.

ALMA: Aw, sexy.

Ventricles are the central pockets of fluid in the brain.

I know. What's sexier than big pockets of fluid? Right?

So, okay, I got to thinking maybe mystics and priestesses and shamans, maybe they also have larger ventricles.

Maybe their abilities come from a specific brain structure.

ALMA: And what'd you find?

JACOB: Well, I found that it's very hard to convince holy people to let me scan their brains.

ALMA: So... no connection?

Well, actually the few that did let me scan them

-had larger brain pockets. -Huh.

JACOB: So, Farnaz and I set out to replicate the abilities of the shamans and the priestesses by using some of their ancient techniques on our students who had larger brain pockets.

-You were looking at my brain. -What?

When I was three, I was in the hospital with pneumonia.

When I lost my hearing... you looked at a scan of my brain.

Sure.

Do I have large brain pockets?

I hadn't developed my theory yet, but, uh, you did.

I mean, you do, which is probably why you've progressed so rapidly.

Did you ever experiment on me?

No. No, your mother-- she asked that, you know, you wait until you're older, and you can make that decision for yourself.

Just like with your implant.

[CAMILA'S VOICE MUFFLED]

-- old enough -- to make your own decisions --

Your hearing aids have never worked well, and it would benefit you to hear.

To -- hearing school --

-- but, [VOICE MUFFLED] We know that you are happy at your deaf school.

You have lots of good friends, and plenty of opportunity. Also, There's nothing wrong with not hearing.

If you choose not to have the surgery, it's fine.

-- said you would back me up.

-- wanted her -- all the options --

So I'm giving her all the options. I'm backing you up.

-- Spanish to the girls -- you wouldn't feel left out.

I want to be able to talk to my daughter.

-- learn ASL.

-- so easy.

Why don't you learn Spanish?

-- compromised. I never -- celebrate Christmas.

My family didn't survive the pogroms of Europe --

-- stupid tree in the living room --

Oh, -- suddenly -- Jewish?

She's been reading our lips.

Sweetie, We think it...

We think it might be a good thing for you to get the implant, so...

What do you say?

Okay.

[CAMILA'S VOICE BUZZING] Do you hear me?

Do you hear my voice?

[BUZZING] You sound like robot.

I sound like robot!

No, no, no, no.

You have to leave it on. It will get normal.

Your brain has to get used to it.

SAM: Look, I know that doesn't make any sense, but you know what I'm saying.

The truth is I was scared, and you had just been through so much and--

You know what?

I'm so tired of people making decisions for me.

Look, I just wanted to create a normal and stable environment for you. That's all.

A stable environment where you're lying to me

-and having sex with me? -Yeah, to help you.

Was I supposed to not have sex with you?

You would've thought something was weird.

Something was weird!

And what about the roller coaster photos? You swore you hadn't moved them.

You made me feel like I was insane.

-Please, don't be mad. -"Don't be mad"?

You lied! Like a lot! Like elaborately lied to me.

Look, I didn't know what to do, okay?

You were in the hospital, and I was really scared.

You don't know how scary that was for me.

How scary that was for you?

I guess I should have been more honest.

-You guess? -I should have been more honest.

But you were really happy to see me.

You wanted me to be there.

I just wanted everything to be okay.

Well, you're terrible at making things okay.

Come here.

Can we just acknowledge that things have been complicated for the both of us?

f*ck.

Great. What am I doing?

[KID SPEAKING IN TAMIL]

ALMA: Sam?

[ANANYA SPEAKING IN TAMIL] Sanjeev! You have to finish packing.

SANJEEV: Coming!

[IN ENGLISH] This isn't even your memory.

What are you doing here?

I don't know. I...

I feel like I'm working through something.

-This is not a great time to be boy-crazy. -What?

-That's not what this is. -Just use the blackjack game.

You know, anchor yourself.

No.

[IN TAMIL] Did you say goodbye, Sanjeev?

Not yet.

Not yet? We're leaving tomorrow.

Where are you going?

I'm moving from India to USA, Chicago.

Tomorrow?

Yes.

GIRL: Why didn't you tell us?

Because I don't want to go.

Then don't go.

Yeah, stay with us.

Okay, enough. Go pack.

I will miss you. I love you.

I'll miss you, too.

Okay, Alma. We need to go.

I don't understand.

Why can't you come to our school with the cochlear implant?

We need to go pick up your sister.

I don't know.

I have to go now.

Okay, come on. Let's go. Let's go.

-BOY #1: Punch Buggy. -Punch Buggy. [LAUGHS]

[IN TAMIL ACCENT] Why are you doing this? Please stop.

It's called "Punch Buggy," you idiot.

That doesn't give me more information.

[MIMICKING ACCENT] "That doesn't give me more information."

"Waah-waah, I'm a baby."

I don't sound like that.

[MIMICS ACCENT] "I don't sound like that."

[BOYS LAUGHING]

[TEACHER'S VOICE BUZZING] Pop... top... mop.

Pop, top, mop.

[TEACHER'S VOICE BUZZING] Good, Alma!

-[MUFFLED LAUGHTER] -ALMA: Hey!

[TEACHER'S VOICE MUFFLED] Say you're sorry.

[VOICE BUZZING] Say you're sorry.

[LISPING] I'm thorry.

[WOMAN ON RECORDING] "I'm sorry," said the little duck.

[RECORDING] "I'm sorry," said the little duck.

"I'm sorry," said the little duck.

[RECORDING] "I'm sorry," said the little duck.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry, said the little duck."

SAM: I'm sorry.

SAM: I'm sorry, Alma.

[WATER TRICKLING]

[TRICKLING STOPS]

[INDISTINCT VOICES WHISPERING]

ALMA: Whoa.

You see what you're capable of?

What's that light around the keys?

That's what you're already doing.

Farnaz and I, when we worked together, I mean, it took a group of us to do that.

Should I have a group?

No, you're far more powerful than we ever were.

You don't need anybody.

SAM: Alma, don't shut me out. I need you to talk to me.

Ugh! I don't know what to do about this Sam thing.

I love him. But I just can't forget this.

-Can I give you some advice? -Sure.

Relationships are hard, and they're always gonna be hard, and it's better not to have them, if you want to do what you want to do.

-That's your advice? -Yeah.

To your daughter, who you abandoned?

Your advice is don't have relationships with people?

You're misunderstanding me.

I want to have a relationship with you.

-Right? I'm here. -Good save, Dad.

I'm saying don't be distracted by a boyfriend if you want to do this work.

I mean, it's fun, right?

"Fun"? I don't know if I would call it fun.

Well, it's important. It's worthwhile.

Sam is worthwhile. He-- he understands me.

Look, I understand you. I know your real power.

You are gifted. He's never gonna understand that.

SAM: Are you still there?

Please talk to me. I'm so sorry.

Dad...

-Ooh! -Sorry.

[ALMA CHUCKLES] Sorry.

-ALMA: Sorry, sorry. -I guess I--

I don't mean to keep running into you. [CHUCKLES]

That's okay.

Hey, what do you got in your big bag of trash?

Toys for all the good girls and boys?

Yep, I'm a regular Trash-a Claus.

I've actually got a thousand bread rolls in here, if you want a couple hundred.

-Seriously? -Yeah.

Every time they get even a little bit stale, -my manager insists I toss them out. -[GROANS]

I mean, I feel bad about it, but I've already eaten like four bags of dry-ass rolls this week, so...

[LAUGHS]

Well, um, you shouldn't throw them out.

Thousands of people go hungry in this city every night.

You should donate them to a shelter.

Yeah, actually, I was just gonna go do that right now.

-Really? -Yeah, you want to come with me?

Uh... [CHUCKLES]

Well, I was supposed to go meet up with my sister, but I guess I could.

Yeah! Come on, let's go.

ALMA: Okay, okay.

So which shelter are we going to?

I was thinking maybe we could go to the one that you usually go to?

Oh, yeah, well, I've got a lot of favorite shelters that I like to volunteer at all the time, so we should just go to wherever you were heading.

Okay, cool.

-That way? -Wow. You're so full of sh*t.

[LAUGHS] And you're not?

ALMA: Come on, I have an idea.

-Alma. -Sam.

[SCREAMING]

[CAMERA SHUTTER CLICKS]

SAM: Aw.

[ALMA GRUNTS]

Yeah, this one's really good.

[EXHALES]

[LAUGHING]

SAM: Feels kind of nice, actually.

[SIGHS] Things were great.

Yeah, but it wasn't for you.

CAMILA: There's nothing wrong with bathtubs.

Bathtubs are fun, too.

[SIGHS]

[FOOTSTEPS APPROACHING]

[EKG MONITOR BEEPING]

Please don't die. Please.

Please, everything will be so boring and sad if you die.

My hand feels so small to you.

You made it back again. That doesn't always happen.

SAM: Alma?

I love you. I'm sorry. It's okay.

What?

Really? Wait, what just happened?

SAM: I don't understand what's going on.

-Are you still mad at me? -No.

I just didn't understand why you didn't tell me.

Okay, so you're not mad at all anymore?

I'm not mad, I just... have a headache.

You're still getting headaches?

It's no big deal. I'm okay. Everything's okay.

Are you sure?

-Sam, I love you. -I love you, too.

And you're the only living person who gets me.

You're the only person who gets me, living or dead.

-Except Maya Angelou. She knows why I sing. -[CHUCKLES]

That's why the thought of losing you is so scary because I don't have anyone else.

And that makes me resent you, because that means I have to love you and--

You don't have to love me, if you don't want to.

That's why I broke up with you. To protect you.

-Protect me from what? -From me.

I don't need to be protected from you.

You don't understand how f*cked-up I am, how weird and different.

I'm f*cked-up, too. It's okay.

I know, but you don't know everything.

-Then tell me! -Don't tell him.

Don't ever tell anyone. They won't understand.

They'll say that they will, but they won't.

JACOB: And eventually, they will lock you up.

Alma, I'm here for you, and we're doing amazing things.

Can we please just do amazing things?

I don't want to be alone in this.

SAM, JACOB: You're not. You have me.

You can tell me anything.

Nothing you say is gonna scare me off.

-You promise? -Yes.

I'm seeing my dead father because of my big brain ventricles, and he's training me to travel in time so I can save him from being m*rder*d.

Uh...

[NAHUATL SONG PLAYING]